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Blog Page 2010

Flight 253

Responding to a failed attempt at a terrorist atrocity is surely a hard thing for a political leader to play. The temptation seems always to get out there, immediately, on TV, and say something. Show resolve, express anger and determination, and in the process get a bump in the polls by looking and sounding like how we have come to think a leader should look and sound in such circumstances. That Obama did not follow this clichéd pattern is impressive.

By ignoring the impulse to rush towards the nearest microphone at the earliest hour, Obama has given a proportional response to the incident. Behind the scenes, much is being done, as it should be. The national security apparatus continues to function. A thorough review has been ordered (the likely conclusion of which is that the damaging, ego-driven pre-9/11 turf wars between the several US intelligence agencies have not yet dissolved, or have re-emerged). The federal government has made immediate changes to airport security policy. Obama has, since this all kicked off on Christmas Day, been in charge, and informed.

But this was, we should remember, a failed attack: this man is not a bomber, he is a failed bomber. The administration was right in its calculation that a media frenzy fueled by the White House would only have given undue encouragement and credit to the attempted terrorists. A public show of alarm by the President would have afforded them the semblance of victory when they have achieved little. By staying quiet, letting his staff handle the incident, and by sticking to his prior plans, Obama played it right.

The moment chosen to speak — a brief, low-key press statement by the President three days after the incident from his vacation in Hawaii — was well-picked. Fear and anger had subsided, enabling the public to appraise the event more rationally and with some distance. The President had more facts at his disposal: he was able to tell them things they did not know; pointing not merely to the likely aggressor but also providing details of what is being done in response. The shouters on the looney right, bawling that Obama had shown himself to be insufficiently interested in the safety of the US, were rebutted with hard facts and even temperament. Most importantly, by waiting, Obama spared America the unhelpful circus of competitive fear-mongering that has ravaged the political discourse surrounding such episodes in the past.

Flight 253 should be viewed with a sense of perspective. Howard Fineman is usually excellent, but his latest piece for Newsweek seems off the mark. Some of the article is quite interesting. But I’m not sure about its big point, which seems to be that pursuing health care reform was daft because, as “underscored by the Nigerian bomber”, the US is at war. You read this often: By tackling healthcare, Obama has tried to do too much, given that the US is at war and was in a recession last year. Fineman is right that the healthcare bill is imperfect. In some respects it is a poor piece of legislation, a missed opportunity to be truly radical, but that is the inevitable result of (necessary) compromise with those who disagree. It’s off the mark to argue that much-needed reform shouldn’t have been pursued because there’s other stuff on the President’s plate. That view pervades the US journalistic establishment — that what is arguably the world’s preeminent bureaucracy can’t handle multi-tasking. It can. And certainly it shouldn’t be frightened into inaction by a man who set fire to his pants.

Words of the Year 2009 announced by OUP

Staycation, Tweetup and Jeggings are some of the Words of the Year 2009, according to a list commissioned by the Oxford University Press.

The list was compiled by the dictionary expert Susie Dent, who scanned the Oxford English Corpus, a two billion word database.

Tweetup, a meeting organised through Twitter; Hashtag, a hash sign added to a word that enables Twitter users to search for Tweets; and Paywall, a way of blocking access to a part of the website, were some of the words derived from new technologies.

On the list there is also an array of business-related words. The recently fashionable minute mentoring, where professionals are advised by mentors in a speed-dating form, was on the list as well as freemium – a business model in which basic services are free, but users pay for extra features.

In November, the Oxford American Dictionary chose Unfriend as its Word of the Year 2009.

 

Review: Ed Ruscha – Fifty Years of Painting

Ed Ruscha describes his paintings as ‘information age art’: a label that seems fitting the moment you walk into this retrospective. The first room is full of paintings of single words blown up against a block-colour background. The words are mostly taken from commonplace, transient sources like adverts or comic strips. Such intense focus on the words of pop culture out of context (the 1962 ‘OOF’ Acanvas, for example) makes them seem comically removed from language, to the extent that they become purely visual objects. In ‘The Back of Hollywood’ (1977), Ruscha continues the idea of words-as-objects using a real life example. By painting the iconic Hollywood sign from an unexpected angle, he confronts us with its dual existence as a word and a material thing, and the consequent absurdity of placing a huge word in a physical landscape.

This painting also marks a transition in Ruscha’s work from the brashness of the early word-images, stencilled on in full Technicolor, to the complexity of urban landscapes centred on LA, Ruscha’s home. These later compositions retain the bold approach and large scale of his earlier work; gas stations, museum complexes, cinema screens are sliced up by dramatic and razor-sharp diagonal lines which seem at times parodically grandiose. There is a challengingly American sensibility to all of this; the large areas of block colour suggest huge areas of flat space, wide vistas interrupted only occasionally by buildings or signage.

But Ruscha’s images do not convey contentment with this vast expanse of the American West. He interrupts the geometric rigidity of compositions like ‘Standard Gas Station’ (1966) with unexpected elements like fire; the clean division of building against sky is interrupted by vicious-looking flames. The buildings he depicts seem antagonistic both to their natural landscape and to the humans implicit in their construction. In fact, people are pretty scarce in these compositions. Walking around the exhibition is actually a rather bleak experience; Ruscha’s information age is too swept up in its own arch-urbanity to have time for human beings.

This frustration of his with modernized America remains a central preoccupation of the Hayward’s vast and comprehensively curated exhibition. Perhaps the most nuanced expression of this is found right at the end, in the pair of monumental canvases ‘Azteca’ and ‘Azteca in Decline’ (2007). The former is an exact replica of a colourful street mural the artist found in New Mexico, complete with cracks in the concrete wall and some graffiti. The second painting suggests the continued effects of time on this mural, but includes trompe l’oeil to a surreal extent; the mural image has been torn and folded, crumpling from its grey background. Ruscha emphasizes on a monumental scale that even the grandest image is not infallible, and that any record, verbal or pictorial, will eventually be eroded. Even if our age is saturated with information, we can’t be fooled into thinking that any of its records are permanent.

Three stars

‘Ed Ruscha – Fifty Years of Painting’ is on at the Hayward Gallery, London until 10th January.

Admission for students is £6. Full-price tickets are £10. There is a 2-for-1 offer on tickets on Fridays. See Hayward Gallery website for further details. 

Review: Sherlock Holmes

When a filmmaker starts talking about a new way of depicting a well-loved literary figure there will always be a few who consider such talk alone tantamount to blasphemy. I don’t count myself among them, though admittedly the thought of Guy Ritchie, best-known for his gangster films, directing two Hollywood A-listers in the leading roles of a new adaptation of Sherlock Holmes was a mix that didn’t look too promising at first. Thankfully, this very mix has produced one of the most entertaining films of the year.

There’s not a deerstalker in sight as Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson try to solve the mystery of a serial killer who has apparently risen from the dead and a secret society that is trying to take over the world. Okay, I’ll admit that the basic plot doesn’t sound all that good on paper and with good reason, as my rather apathetic synopsis suggests the plot simply isn’t particularly interesting. Yet this is scarcely a problem because this film is less about the mystery and more about the men who solve it. Where the script fails in producing an engrossing story line, it excels in its reworking of the two leading characters.

Although the plot may not deserve an extensive description, the characters certainly do. Instead of what some had feared; a case of Hollywood massacring a piece of literary history, what has actually taken place is a very well thought-out and even surprisingly subtle reimagining of the leading characters. Far from being a total overhaul of Holmes,

Robert Downey Jr’s portrayal of a troubled genius does not stray all that far from the original, save perhaps for a slightly greater emphasis on the ‘troubled’ part. He craves occupation, either intellectually, or physically, enjoying both a fight in pursuit of criminals or simply for fun (and perhaps some money) in his spare time. The audience is shown a man with a brilliant mind able to solve any crime with which he is presented, yet who is incapable of taking care of himself. Left to his own devices, his craving for intellectual stimulation sees him become increasingly destructive both to the furniture and himself. Here we see a truly flawed genius, one that despite the changes from the books is perhaps closer to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s original than one might think.

Whilst Holmes may be lacking some social skills, Jude Law’s Watson is every bit the charismatic Victorian gentleman, who manages to engage his own not insignificant intellect in more constructive and organised pursuits. This is certainly not the bumbling sidekick we’ve seen in previous screen adaptations.

It is the relationship between Holmes and Watson that is the film’s most interesting feature, one which is explored in surprising depth for an action-comedy film. Holmes is in many ways dependent on his good friend Watson to pull him out of his destructive phases. At times Holmes appears almost childish compared to Watson who must play the part of both a friend and at times a guardian. This is only reinforced when Sherlock learns that his friend is moving out to live with his fiancé. Yet this dependence is somewhat reciprocal. Whilst Watson might want to appear reluctant to help out his friend in solving a case, he still yearns for adventure, perhaps seeking to re-live his past, one which we are led to believe may not be as unblemished as it seems.

Having spent so long on the characters I have almost forgotten to praise the two leads for their superb performances in creating them. This is not to say that the supporting cast was poor, far from it, but they were all very much a sideshow compared to the heroes of the piece. The same goes for pretty much everything else, even the wonderful recreation of Victorian London and Guy Ritchie’s distinctive style of directing took a back seat role, letting the two leading actors carry the film. This may suffice as a one-off, but when it comes to the inevitable sequel my concern is that this won’t be enough and a more arresting plot will be necessary. But setting those concerns for the future aside, whilst Sherlock Holmes contains much that is below par, these problems are easily countered by the excellent characterisation and acting to make this a thoroughly enjoyable couple of hours.

4/5 stars

Network Trauma

Networking. When I was too timid I got it wrong and when I was too zealous, even worse. In the past I have always been very backward in coming forward, to my detriment. On the rare occasions I have been introduced to someone useful, a potential ‘contact’ you might say, I have been rendered as speechless and as charismatic as my pet goldfish.

I decided I had to change, but it proved difficult. The turning point was a workshop at The Guardian, the centre piece of which was a ‘networking lunch’ – a revolting premise. The enjoyment of food should not be polluted by careerist plotting. However, squeezing a lukewarm sausage roll for support, I edged my way around the trestle table and tried to avoid eye contact whilst I formed a strategy. I bottled it, so my strategy became talking to the friends I had made in the morning and avoiding detection by any of the Guardian people at all costs. After ten minutes, my cunning strategy had crumbled. The recruitment woman was on to me. ‘I’ve been watching you and you haven’t moved! You already know these people! Get moving! What are you waiting for? Who do you want to talk to? What are you interested in?.’ She had smelt fear and she was not going to let me go without a tussle. I was led to someone more useful.

It was going rather well, conversationally, and I was relieved. However, moments later the lioness was back. She could not understand why I had stagnated and hit another networking brick wall. She ushered me round again and this was repeated until that lengthy hour ended. ‘So, how many email addresses did you get?’, she asked excitedly. Should I lie? I didn’t have time. My hesitation was enough. She could see that I was hopeless.

A few weeks later, I was at a drinks party full of potential contacts. Knocking back tepid Sauvignon Blanc, I was galvanized and indestructible. As tipsy as I was, I had no joy with a doddery Daily Mail columnist, who seemed wholly perplexed by the phrase ‘graduate recruitment’. He had managed to register that they did occasionally have some work experience drones milling around the office, but did not know how they arrived there. Across the room, my father seemed to be having more success. For reasons unfathomable, a woman from Harpers Bazaar had taken a shine to him. The second I heard the magazine title, I sent him back over to her. He was not keen. I insisted.

In effect, I pimped out my own father. Unable to network myself, I had sent my own father into a divorced harlot’s gaudy den. I felt guilty, but not guilty enough. I left my father to meet my friends, with strict instructions to get her number. The following day, he threw a business card at me. Bingo. What a price he had paid though, he looked so disturbed. He had not wanted to offend her and had ended up taking her out to dinner, during the course of which she had made several ‘lewd suggestions’. The mind boggles. He did look traumatized. All I can say is that I’m sorry. Next time, I’ll have to take the hit myself; if there are any lewd suggestions to be made, they should be made to me. Sorry Dad.

 

A Decade in Music

10) Demon Days – Gorillaz  (May 2005 – Parlaphone)

Surprisingly enough, Demon Days is the only album in the top ten to be the product of a cartoon band.  The concept? that Gorillaz is a group of four animated characters who create and perform music. Of course 2D, Noodle and their cronies are not really creators, but the brainchild of one half of the Gorillaz project, artist Jamie Hewlett.  Hewlett’s creative partner is former Blur front man Damon Albarn, and it is he who is responsible for the majestic sounds of Demon Days. 

Throughout the record, Albarn displays his abilities as one of his generation’s greatest tunesmiths, with his folk-inspired melodies enhanced by his fifty-a-day vocals.  The songs amalgamate a series of influences, from dub-reggae to hip-hop to trip-hop to be-bop, fashioning a quirky and energetic sound world. The record features a host of guest appearances including De la Soul, Ike Turner and Shaun Ryder, yet this plethora of genres and artists doesn’t detract from the album’s focus and cohesion.  A nod must go to wunderkind producer Dangermouse who beautifully fractures the sonic texture with vinyl crackle and analogue hiss, helping to make this Albarn’s finest work to date. 

9) Since I left You – The Avalanches  (November 2000 – Modular)

The Australian band’s two members worked separately when creating Since I left You.  In two identical studios, Robbie Chater and Darren Seltmann used mainly Yamaha Promix 01 and Akai S2000 samplers (relatively rudimentary equipment) and ferreted through their expansive record collections looking for sample-able sound bites with little concern for copyright.  Once an idea was spawned it was sent to the other half of the band to expand, and all the time the central concept was developed: ‘the international search for love from country to country’.  The first master copy, made up entirely of audio snippets from other sources, had within it around 3500 samples none of which had been approved by its author.  And so began the task of seeking licence, and due to legal difficulties the album was stripped back significantly before its official release.  Such audio absence is unnoticeable however, and the record, which is as uplifting an album as you’ll hear, remains, sadly, the band’s only full-length release. 

8) Up the Bracket – The Libertines  (October 2002 – Rough Trade)

What with Pete Doherty’s increasingly boring excursions into drugs, tabloids and the law, it’s easy to dismiss his musical output as insignificant.  It’s not, and this album proves it.  Up the Bracket, whose title alludes to a phrase from 1950s radio comedy Hancock’s Half Hour, triggered a new era in guitar-driven indie music with its counter-culture lyrics, disorganised we-won’t-pretend-to-be-good-at-guitar performances and under-produced finish.  Even if Doherty’s subsequent work doesn’t cut the mustard, his first offering is definitely worth a listen.

7) The Black Album – Jay Z  (November 2003 – Roc-A-Fella Records)

With production contributions from the likes of Timbaland, The Neptunes and Kanye West, The Black Album, which at the time of creation was to be Jay Z’s last, was never going to be anything other than a hip hop classic.  As one of the genre’s cardinal albums, Jay Z’s eighth is sometimes credited with the propulsion of hip-hop further into the mainstream.  It was perhaps here that hip-hop ceased to be the domain of just the American hood; middle class kids in suburban bedrooms now had an equal share in the genre that a few years later would attract the masses at Glastonbury Festival.  As you’d expect, Jay Z’s lyrics are sublime on this offering, one of the greatest in the hip-hop canon. 

6) Arular – MIA  (March 2005 – XL Records)

It has been said that ‘anything with a beat’ influenced MIA’s debut album – a dance album that failed to perform commer

cially but left critics hungry for more. Perhaps the biggest influence on the album is MIA’s father Mathangi Arulpragasam, a Tamil activist with the codename Arular.  His revolutionary ideals informed the thematic basis of the record, the product of MIA’s objective to create a dance album ‘that addressed important issues.’  The opus features appearances from the likes of Diplo and Switch, helping to retain the relentless energy that emits throughout.

5) Takk – Sigur Ros  (September 2005 – EMI)

The Icelandic band’s fourth album brought with it a new accessible sound; this is as close to bubble-gum pop that Sigur Ros is likely to get.  Granted, this band’s ‘pop’ is always going to be more Squarepusher than Coldplay, but the band’s adoption of the visceral to counterbalance the cerebral is plain for all to hear.  The album combines the macro with the micro; expansive guitar-walls juxtapose beautifully with intimate string quartet minimalism, achieving a euphoric aesthetic which is more familiar to the masses than the masses would think. Much of the music has been used by the BBC: as well as underpinning Planet Earth’s trailers, various tracks have become ubiquitous on Top Gear.  Fortunately, not even the image of Clarkson, Hammond and May kicking back to a bit of Sigur Ros is enough to put us off the record, the band’s magnum opus. 


4) The Love Below/Speakerboxxx – Outkast 
(September 2003 – LaFace Records)

This quirky double album from the enigmatic duo Andre 3000 and Big Boi contains a bit of something for everyone.  In fact, it’s a safe(ish) bet that everyone is capable of singing a verse from the duo’s fifth studio album: it is, of course, the work that brought us pop classics ‘Hey Ya’ and ‘Roses’.  There is no typical track on this album – a coalescence of Outkast’s two halves’ solo projects – as influences vary from straight jazz to geeky Aphex Twin-style electronica.  Moreover, it is the diversity that such influences bring that defines the album.  Not many records from the last decade juxtapose a short play starring American rapper Fonzworth Bentley, a prayer to God in which the protagonist asks for a ‘sweet bitch’, and a breakneck improvisation based on ‘My Favourite Things’.  Despite the constant change of mood, both halves of the record feel like song cycles from which you could remove nothing without damaging the framework.  This was the first Parental Advisory labelled album to win an album-of-the-year Grammy.  After one listen, we can tell why. 

3) You Forgot It in People – Broken Social Scene  (October 2002 – Arts & Crafts)

‘You Forgot It in People’ isn’t the album most would expect a band of nineteen people to make.  Rather than an hour-long cacophony with a bunch of guitars giving it some, the record presents us with an intricate sonic experience.   The songs, which are glossed with a chaotic production, juxtapose traditional structures with adventurous instrumentation; sudden shifts in texture and boy-girl vocals add to the freshness of this work, the brilliance of which cannot be overstated.  The highlight of the album is fan-favourite ‘Anthems For A Seventeen-Year-Old Girl’ which encapsulates BSS’ creativity with its digitally modified vocals over-pinning layers of simple but effective instrumental lines.  There is no weak track on the record – even the instrumentals that bookend the work sound relevant. Baroque-pop at its best.

2) From Here We Go Sublime – The Field  (April 2007 – Kompakt)

Despite being one of the lesser-known albums in the top ten, From Here We Go Sublime is one of the most justified. A product of prestigious German label Kompakt, the record was ubiquitous on ‘best of’ lists at the end of 2007, and was noted for its reluctance to conform to the pervasive techno trends of the time.

‘The Field’ is the moniker of Swede Axel Willner, who, for this album produced music which falls somewhere between minimal techno and trance.  Despite its dance aesthetic, the music is not such that would be heard in club; the record feels more natural through headphones or a bedroom hi-fi – this adding to its unique charm.  With its simple structures, the pieces borrow from Reich-like minimalism: small cells of sound (samples from the likes of Lionel Richie and The Four Tops constitute the bed of the record) repeat and repeat, gradually undergoing Willner’s subtle transformations.  With a sense of propulsion supplied by glitchy, softsynth beats, the music surges and retracts resulting in one of the most hypnotic aural experiences we could hope to experience. 

1) Kid A – Radiohead  (October 2000 – Parlaphone)

In the aftermath of the band’s previous release, Radiohead seemingly abandoned their previous influences.  No longer listening to Nivarna and REM, the quintet instead devoured the electronica of Warp Records’ back catalogue, immersed itself in contemporary classical music and developed an academic interest in Jazz; these influences combined to create an ethereal sound world on Kid A.   The opening track ‘Everything in its Right Place’, utilises solely synthetic instrumental forces, with Yorke’s mutated voice more another layer in the tapestry than a centre-piece.  ‘Idioteque’ samples one of the earliest ever pieces of electronic music, creating a beat driven lament on modern society.  The record’s standout track ‘The National Anthem’ spawns out of a short bass riff that permeates throughout, underpinning a Charles Mingus-like brass section constructed to sound ‘like a traffic jam’.

Now, the opus is unanimously seen as a classic, but at the time of release, the fans’ and critics’ reactions were luke-warm.  Furthermore, at the time of recording, not even all the band members were in favour of the change of direction. The camp was split into two factions during the sessions in a wintry Copenhagen: those who wanted three minute pop songs and those who wanted anything but.

Unlike the band’s previous works, Kid A didn’t provoke a superfluity of cheap imitations.  Even the most ambitious of plagiarists recognised the methods of construction used were too complex, the sphere of influence too expansive and the overarching vision too unique to warrant an attempt at emulating the sound.  No other band could have made this record: the decade’s finest.

Cherwell’s New Year’s Resolutions

According to The Daily Telegraph, less than 1 in 10 people stick to their New Year’s resolutions, but this doesn’t stop millions of us from looking back at the triumphs and mistakes of the previous year, and resolving to change for the better. So, in the spirit of misguided optimism, here’s a list of our resolutions based on the hits and misses of 2009.

Happy 2010!

DOs...

Do stop fretting about life after graduation and how to repay your student debt. Instead, apply to be a hotshot journalist. Find a scandalous story that will outrage Daily Mail readers (if not make it up), conduct a successful investigation and leak out tantalising parts of the results everyday in the paper. The MPs’ expenses scandal pushed the Daily Telegraph’s circulation up by more than 600,000 copies. Boost in sales means a pay rise. A sure get rich quick strategy.

Do be Alan Bennett. The playwright, novelist

and National Treasure who has bequeathed his whole set of works to the 
Bodleian Library, celebrated his 75th birthday this year, and accordingly the BBC commissioned god-knows-how-many programmes about this northern star, each one of them excellent. 2009 also saw the long-awaited premiere of The Habit of Art about the relationship between composer Benjamin Britten and poet W.H. Auden which won rave reviews, and for which tickets are seemingly sold out until next April!

Do shut down your facebook and twitter accounts. Mandelson’s plans to force students to complete three-year degrees in two years means a race against the clock. No time for facebook pokes, stalking of exes and oh-so-meaningful tweets.

Do protest. Oxford student protests over climate change, Gaza and the University’s unethical investments (amongst many others) have not claimed any world-changing successes this year. However, they are a lot of fun, they get otherwise pasty-faced workaholics out of the library and into some proper sunshine and, if you’re lucky, you might be involved in one of the really cool ones, like scaling Didcot power station. (Though perhaps stay away from any protest where the main event is the occupation of Magdalen roundabout. In the rain.) Plus they make you feel less guilty next time you drive to the corner-shop to pick up the paper.

Do put two fingers up to the trendy, moody, thick-rimmed glasses wearing, elitest colossuses of wankerdom who force “edgy”, “cool” and “alternative” plays upon their long-suffering friends by staging a musical, as Alice Hamilton did (West Side Story), at the Playhouse, and packing the 600 seater place to the fucking rafters every single evening. This masterstroke of programming, called by one hard-to-impress reviewer “the second best thing I’ve ever seen in Oxford”, showed that you don’t have to adapt Kafka for mime-artists or stage a puppet show version of Paradise Lost in Latin to win both critical and popular acclaim in this city.

Do be a historian. According to that incredibly scientific study back in Trinity, the Cherwell sex survey, historians have the most sex, and Somerville and New students are the most promiscuous. Also, do be gay. Homosexual students are more likely to get firsts, apparently. However, way too many Oxford students are having unprotected sex, including around half of our survey respondents. If you’re smart enough to get into Oxford, you should be smart enough to find yourself a condom: do use protection!

Do make enthusiastic promises to yourself about the amount of exercise you are going to do this year. Write a jogging timetable. Buy expensive running gear. Eat a diet of only Special K, varied with ‘interesting’ salads and steamed vegetables. Then give it up, two weeks in, safe in the knowledge that 75% of all those who made New Year’s resolutions will give up too.

DON’Ts…

Don’t buy anything by Damien Hirst. Ever. The most noir of my various artistic betes had yet another great year, raking in millions and millions for his mass-produced tat. It’s a shame that away from the circles of Bollinger swilling, Chanel clad, chauffeur-driven cashpoints on legs his reputation as the man responsible for the decline in modern art was cemented this year by an almost universally derided exhibition. He also showed what yobbish prima donna he really is, when he threatened to sue an entrepreneurial 16-year-old who used an image of his diamond-encrusted skull, For the Love of God, to create a collage to sell on the internet.

Don’t write a horridly inaccurate, inconsistent and irrelevant article about something that’s actually pretty amazing, then attempt to soften the edges of your juggernaut-journalism by putting a picture of Henry the Hoover on your front page. When the Ashmolean re-opened, a couple of galleries were still being installed. That’s all. The way OxStu handled this story, one would think that most of the floor was missing, or that builders were still sat around using priceless sarcophagi as tea-tables.

Don’t be a politician. No one likes Gordon Brown, Barack Obama has lost that star quality after a year wrestling with an unruly Congress and even golden boy David ‘Dave’ Cameron was forced to apologise after inexp

licably claiming wisteria removal on his expenses. Apart from Silvio Berlusconi – apparently the man can get away with saying anything. Actually, that’s not quite true… even he was hospitalised after having a souvenir of Milan cathedral thrown at his luminous face.

Don’t start a smear campaign against your peers. The only thing more pathetic than a Union hack using their 15th profile on OxGoss to slag off their competition is the poor student journo taking their posts seriously. OUSU hacks trawled new depths of pettiness last term when Barclay and Leeper’s teams tried to get each other fined every time an Oxford student logged onto facebook during the campaign.  And it can all end so terribly, as it did for Ruth Padel after Cherwell reported on a smear campaign against Derek Walcott which forced her rival to withdraw himself from the race for Professor of Poetry. In the end she had to resign over it. Honestly, when will we learn to play nice?

Don’t text if you are doing something you shouldn’t – SMS messages are the ultimate evidence. Tiger Woods must deeply regret his saucy messages to 11 very well endowed white blonde women. Both Gilette and Accenture terminated their advertising contracts and the revelations were December’s topic number one for a dinner party conversation.

Don’t eat at Jamal’s, even when you’ve given up the traditional New Year’s diet. Not unless you’re not expecting to keep the food down very long, i.e. you’re on a crew date. It is one of the many restaurants round Oxford which, despite the Council giving them zero stars out of five in their food hygiene inspection, is being kept open by student trade, much to the annoyance of local residents. Though if you’re at Balliol, you might want to avoid hall food too after their kitchens were revealed to have the worst health and safety report of all Oxford colleges. Others to steer clear of include Mansfield and Pembroke, after a Cherwell investigation threw light on their pest control problems. Domino’s pizza, anyone?

Don’t listen to people who tell you January is depressing. Another year until you have to stress about what to buy/use the ‘what a lovely present’ face/play board games with the extended family. Wahey! Also, no more listening to your mum’s Rod Stewart CD – or if you have parents with even less taste, perhaps it was the dreaded Cliff Richard. Congratulate yourself on another Christmas survived and look forward to the New Year. Besides, it’s almost time to return to the land of Ox, where you don’t have time to be miserable – there is always a friendly essay deadline to look forward to.

Don’t complain about your Collections. We all have them, and you’re making me feel guilty. We all know someone who has been working all holiday while the rest of us lounged around on the sofa for 5 weeks, occasionally flicking through Descartes and planning to think profound thoughts. 0th week is revision week. That’s why it’s called 0th week.

 

‘On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me… an E-card?’

Who doesn’t love a Christmas card? They’re one of the most cheery aspects of the festive season – a personal little note from someone you know and care about at this special time of year.

OK, that probably sounds utterly twee, but there is no denying that Christmas cards make us happy and that everyone, yes, everyone, wants to receive them. Pop them on the mantelpiece, pin them on your notice board: wherever they go they brighten up and cheer up even the most humbuggish of us. Yet there is a terrible danger threatening our beloved, glittery messages of Christmassy cheer.

A general lack of card-sending enthusiasm is sweeping the world. With the progression of modern technology the paper card is gradually fading away. The number of cards received, on average, by American households has fallen from 29 in 1987 to 20 in 2004. Texting, social networking sites and (the ultimate enemy) E-cards have reduced the importance of the traditional Christmas card. Faster, cheaper and certainly more eco-friendly, electronically sent ‘Season’s Greetings’ are gaining popularity.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s no way that I want to sound remotely ungrateful for whatever form of Christmas message I get, but there is something extra special about a handwritten card with which a jolly bit of WordArt from the internet can never compete. That someone has bothered to think of you and take the time to post you something, in an age where everything and everyone always seems to be in such a hurry is, I would argue, part of the true spirit of Christmas. That personal touch makes them all the more important and meaningful.

There’s something rather lovely about a card. It is a throwback to a bygone age – where people actually had to go to the bother of purchasing a stamp instead of a mere click of a button and an instant message popping up onscreen. We might picture the Jane Austen heroine scribbling away and poring over a wax-sealed parchment. Imagine Lizzie Bennet reading an E-Card from Mr Darcy! I don’t think so! The essence of the effort and personal touch of the handwritten has far more magic than a bland Times New Roman font on a screen. Reading an email feels far more like work than pleasure!

It is the Jane Austen idea of letter writing that attracts many of us, I suppose. The Tradition is all part of Christmas and it’s sad to think that cards might possibly in a few decades cease to exist altogether. This is why, dear reader, I hope you will take on board my words – save the Christmas card! With Oxford terms being so short it is even more crucial for us to be organised; my cry to you is ‘Pidge it Please!’ Next Christmas, in the first week of December, make a list, buy some cards and do a pidge drop around the city. Everyone appreciates something a little different in their post – how wonderful it would be to discover waiting for you not a freshly marked essay on the last few days of term, but a Christmas card!

As for the artistically talented amongst us there is absolutely no excuse – use your skills to create your own, handcrafted personalised cards. There is of course the argument that cards are an utter waste of paper, and that E-cards are far better for the environment. But if this is weighing on your mind give it not one more thought! If it will ease your conscience why not recycle the cards you yourself receive? Throughout January, WH Smith, TX Maxx and Marks & Spencer are running such schemes in association with The Woodland Trust. Equally you can do a good deed by choosing a charity card. Cancer Research, the RSPCA and many more organisations produce their own cards for Christmas – if there is a charity close to your heart why not support them at the same time?

You may well laugh at my over-enthusiasm but just think about it. How would it be if no one bothered? Just imagine if, this Christmas, you had not received a single card – no one had remembered or thought of you. A sad thought isn’t it?

Or do you perhaps agree with that famous crusher of Christmas spirit, Mr ‘Bah Humbug’ himself? As Charles Dickens wrote “If I could work my will,” said Scrooge indignantly, “every idiot who goes about with ‘Merry Christmas’ upon his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!”

Book Review: Wolf Hall

Let’s get this established straight off: there is not that much wrong with Wolf Hall. Indeed, its success can only be a good thing: in a bestsellers chart containing Dan Brown’s latest thrilling ride through the Microsoft Word thesaurus, another dose of mawkishness from Audrey Niffenegger and a pararomance by some American woman called Stephanie Meyer, Mantel is about the only literary author holding her own. This book deserves its commercial pulling power.

We follow the rise and rise of Henry VIII’s adviser Thomas Cromwell, later the Earl of Essex, from a position literally face-down in the Putney dirt to the very top of the greasy pole of the Tudor court. Mantel strolls through sixteenth-century England like a master-gardener through an arboretum, breathing life everywhere she steps: Wolf Hall teems with richness and curiosity like a lovingly-tended period garden. Cromwell’s own character is robust and irresistibly likeable, and by his side we meet some skillfully drawn background figures, most notably a stormy Henry Tudor and a Thomas More who has received a total overhaul since A Man for All Seasons and reappears as a cruel, manipulative and yet oddly sympathetic player in the great game. There are fun cameos, too, from the the likes of the poet Thomas Wyatt and the painter Hans Holbein. The subtle clockwork mechanisms of court politics click and whirr around brilliant components, and the conversation alternately crackles with static energy or purrs with smoothness. Mantel has fine-tuned her machine beautifully.

This same niceness and vivacity run throughout the storytelling. There is no grandstanding here: when Cromwell’s young family is obliterated by the sweating-sickness, the pathos is of a variety so delicate as to be almost mundane. The tale progresses like music, with an adroit mastery of tone – sadness bleeding into bittersweet humour fluttering into menace – and of focus, as the intensely personal suddenly jerks into the greater scheme of the nation before slipping back to a small child again. This is all told in a prose style that will admit no commonplaces: Mantel can be blunt, she can be poetic, she can be complex, but she is always elegant and entertaining.

And yet – and yet. If you are just looking for a good read, you should probably stop reading this review now and go and buy the book. Still reading? Then hear me out, because, for all its many virtues – and you’ve heard me sing ’em tunefully enough – Wolf Hall just doesn’t quite satisfy. This is for two reasons. The first is that if Mantel does not write commonplaces, she thinks commonplaces: you’ll learn nothing new here. Wolf Hall makes no intellectual demands on the reader, and so offers no intellectual profit. Mantel has written a modern book about the sixteenth century that casts little light on the the Tudors or on us. The book is not “meticulously researched,” as one reviewer raves, but merely adequately researched. Mantel catches the social moment well enough – as we would expect from the author who spent nigh on twenty years preparing her French Revolution novel A Place of Greater Safety – but passes the Renaissance by. The correspondence between More and Erasmus, the Italy of Pacioli and da Vinci, even the theological fulminations of Luther: all are so much ambient background, and no more. Wolf Hall doesn’t feel like its period. To judge by the way the characters think, speak and act, they are twenty-first century men under sixteenth-century constraints – Cromwell himself is anachronistically liberal in his personal outlook.

Is Mantel, then, holding up what another reviewer calls “a dark mirror…to our own world”? Not really, unless you mean that she is being brutally honest about realpolitik and, yes, that realpolitik happens nowadays too. Even then, the unflappably humane Cromwell bears more resemblance to Merlin than to Malcolm Tucker; Wolf Hall is hardly a satire on contemporary politics or society. It professes to depict a world in which homo homini lupus, man is a wolf to man – hence the title – a world of “inveterate scrappers. Wolves snapping over a carcase. Lions fighting over Christians”, and yet these wolves are tame even in comparison to a Frank Herbert novel. Mantel isn’t trying to say anything significant; rather, she is simply fascinated by her characters and her story.

The second reason why Wolf Hall grates is its construction. Frankly, it has no plot to speak of, just an endless succession of problems and solutions. Can Cromwell fix it? Yes, once again, he can. Cardinal Wolsey’s slide from grace at the start of the novel seems to augur tragedy on the most massive scale – as does the opening quote from Vitruvius, drawing the distinction between tragedy, comedy and the satyr play – but we finish in 1534, six years short of Cromwell’s execution, with his star firmly in the ascendant. Cromwell, moreover, has no real defects, and only develops in the most superficial fashion. The first two hundred pages are gripping, but I was really quite pleased with myself for making it through the next four hundred. Word has it that Mantel is planning a sequel to cover the latter half of Cromwell’s career, but if this book is read alone – and it was as a standalone book that it was awarded the super-duper-prestigious Booker Prize – it’s a bit uneventful, to be quite candid.

So take it as you will. If you want something undemanding to read on the train or between classes or whatever that will whisk you away to another world, Wolf Hall is a sterling piece of narrative written with impeccable good taste. Yet this good taste is all that stops it from being just another thriller: the difference between Mantel and, say, John Grisham is quality of writing, not quality of thought. The book deserves to be a commercial success, but perhaps not a succes d’estime. You might want to think of it as a really good biography instead. Measured against the best modern historical novels, however – works with a real sense of the dynamic between now and then, like Umberto Eco’s The Name of the Rose or Thomas Mann’s The Magic Mountain Wolf Hall lacks muscle and bite, for all its sleek grace.

 

Call for £30,000 tuition fees

Oxford University students should pay university tuition fees of around £30,000 a year, according to a leading economist David Blanchflower.

Writing in Sunday’s The Observer, the former member of the Bank of England monetary policy committee, called for changes in the tuition fees system to allow universities like Oxford to charge their students more to fund their additional facilities and teaching.

Citing some parents’ willingness to fund an Eton education for their children, the economist stated that fees of around £30,000 would provide a workable solution to the issue of university funding.

Such fees would bring Oxford onto the same fee level as top American universities, such as Dartmouth College, New Hampshire, where Blanchflower is a professor. He argued that at the Ivy League university higher fees helped “focus the mind” of students.

In defence of this radical increase in price, Blanchflower claimed that the current system means that the “poor have been subsidising the rich” for too long.

The apparent inconvenience to the middle classes would, he argues, go some way to compensating those poorer students who have been overpaying to attend less prestigious institutions.

Higher fees would allow universities to continue providing bursaries to poor students, unable to afford them.

The economist has also criticised the recent announcement by Lord Mandelson, the business secretary, which outlined plans to cut government funding to universities by £135 million next year.

A spokesman for Oxford University said the university did not have a “settled view” on fees, but reassured students that “significant fee rises would need to take place gradually over time and be matched by bursaries” so as to continue financial aid for poorer students.

Student opinion seems sceptical of Blanchflower’s suggestions, with fears that such change would see Oxford return to the elitist institution it has long been accused of being.

Second-year Exeter student David Thomas commented that “one of the world’s best universities will once again become dominated only by those who feel able to pay” should the ideas become reality.

Ministers have refused to comment because of the ongoing inquiry into tuition fees, chaired by the former BP chief Lord Browne. The panel’s final recommendations on changes in the university funding system are not expected until autumn 2010.