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Title clash descends into farce

So rarely can a scoreline fail to tell the story of a football match. A 1-1 draw, between the sides that finished second and third last season respectively, would have been considered a good result for both sides before kickoff and a safe bet for the observer. However despite the relative quality of the two sides, the game quickly descended into farce.

None of this was helped by a no-show from the qualified league referee, leaving both sides to offer an inexperienced, unqualified individual to adjudicate over a game at the highest level of college football. The result was, almost ineviteably, chaos.

Yet the game started in good spirits as Anne’s had the entirety of the pressure in the first ten minutes as Wadham started poorly and failed to clear their lines. The closest effort early on came from left winger George Kynaston, who latched onto a neat through ball on the right hand side of the area to lash a shot off the bar. Anne’s contined to press, peppering numerous shots form range, but failed to beat an inspired Marc Rimmer in the Wadham goal.
Yet the game soon fell apart, with a number of tough challenges from both sides leading to unnecessary squabbling between the players, and without an impartial figure to provide authority in such a pressured environment, tempers rose sharply to boiling point.

Initially this failed to break Anne’s stride, with two further Kynaston efforts striking each post and a scrambled effort at a corner was headed over the line by Sean Lennon on the post. Yet with tempers fraying beyond repair, Wadham’s stand-in referee was soon subject to a barrage of abuse, particularly from Anne’s central midfielder Stephen Clarke who provided one expletive comment too many directly at the referee and was swiftly ordered from the pitch. Pandemonium ensued as the vast majority of the twenty two on the field, and some substitutes, rushed to air their grievances.
All this finally stemmed Anne’s flow and Wadham began to find some fluency to break the deadlock. A handball ten yards inside from the right hand touchline gave Tim Poole the chance to swing in a freekick, which deflected off countless players before Rob Deakin bundled it over the line.

Wadham held their lead until half time, allowing both sets of players to cool off and assess a farcical first half. With the boundaries of respect set by the new Anne’s referee, the second half started more conventionally, yet neither side provided any sort of flowing football. As legs tired, chances started to come; first a Wadham cross swung in on the right hand side was swiftly controlled by Michael Edwards but his attempt at a shot was quickly cut out.
Soon though Wadham’s continuing sluggishness cost them, and Anne’s began to again pepper Marc Rimmer’s goal. Yet much like in the first half, genuine chances were hard to come by. When last season’s top goalscorer Ed Border finally did get the chance to move clear he was cut out by the magnificent Shane Grosser at the heart of the Wadham defence.

The pressure though, finally told, as a switched ball sent the Anne’s left back racing along the left wing before sliding along an exellent ball into the path of substitute Jonny Pearson to slide into an empty net from a yard out.
Just as the game looked settled, there was still time for tempers to flare one more time, Tim Poole was sent free on the right hand side to square the ball to Wadham captain Adam Searles to bang the ball into an empty net. Poole though, was controversially adjudged offside by the Anne’s referee without a decision from the linesman, much to the suspicion of Searles, whose own four letter rant lead to his dismissal. After that, little drama ensued and the game fizzled out to a draw. Both sides though, will ultimately see the draw as a good result given the opposition, and will be looking to forget this absurd encounter and move on in their attempts to break Worcester’s dominance.

 

Is sport up for sale?

Global sport has been careening into financial absurdity. Recently, Gordon Brown pointed to an “age of irresponsibility” as the worst offender behind the notorious credit crunch. With unprecedented sums bandied about in sport, can we suggest that it too is heading for failure?

Football, naturally, is the chief culprit. Wages and transfer fees here have been mind-boggling since the conception of the Premier League, but now the numbers are approaching the, well, mental. The debt of the nation’s two ‘richest’ clubs, Chelsea and Man United, is estimated at a whopping £1.5 billion, and the buck does not stop with the big boys. F.A. Cup holders Portsmouth are reportedly spending a surely unsustainable 90% of their income on wages, while West Ham are the subject of a lawsuit from Sheffield United to the tune of some £50 million. Even lowly Luton Town, bottom of the football league, are suffering a pretty ridiculous 30 point deduction this season as punishment for various financial irregularities.

However, football isn’t sitting alone in the naughty corner of the sporting world. Cricket, one of the world’s most traditional sports, has become the latest victim of a cash-ridden greed virus. 2008 saw the start of the Indian Premier League, or IPL, contended between a group of eight American-style franchises. Yet this is no ordinary league but a towering branded behemoth, a gravy train without parallel in the sport. World stars have been bought for extraordinary sums in auctions by the franchises; India one day captain Mahendra Dohni went for a huge $1.5 million, while the Indian Cricket Board made $800 million dollars in branding and TV rights in the run-up alone. More recently, American billionaire Alan Stanford has set up a 20-20 game between a Stanford Select XI and England with the winning team taking $20 million to be split among the players and staff. For those looking for a genuine reason why such a match might take place, don’t worry: there really isn’t one.

Boom and bust

All this is just damn unstable. Chelsea’s debt is estimated somewhere around £730 million, yet at the moment some £500 million is written off as interest free loan from their benefactor and billionaire owner, Roman Abramovich. Can this really last? Theoretically, were Abramovich to get bored with his plaything, Chelsea would be faced with just eighteen months to assemble an unobtainable sum of money to pay him back. Debate will rage as to the likelihood of billionaire owners going AWOL on their clubs, but financial problems for these people are not as impossible as they may seem. Just two weeks ago advisers close to Abramovich were forced to play down talk that he had lost some $12 billion with share collapses, a tidy sum even for one so unimaginably wealthy.

If this seems ridiculous, consider the potential problems for Manchester United, with debt almost as large and owners not nearly as wealthy, or Fulham, with their Premier League survival still so dependent on the whims of the enigmatic Mohammed Al-Fayed. Many would resist tears if such clubs went bust due to their own mistakes, but the consequences for fans would be dire. Sad it may be, but supporting football is life for many and the choice of club something ingrained in their person. If the biggest and richest aren’t immune to decline, what’s to protect the little guys?

If all this seems like just pointless talk about ridiculous sums of money and posing prima-donnas, it’s not. These financial extremities damage the very fabric of the sports they are supposedly helping to evolve. The quality of the traditional English county league is under great threat from the riches of the IPL; Nottingham and Lancashire lost key stars David Hussey and Brad Hodge to Kolkata and the IPL, respectively. They and the numerous other stars departing for Eastern shores will spout forth about wanting to play regularly amongst the best players in the world, but as one member of the Lancashire county hierarchy recently admitted, if a county can offer £60-70,000 a year to it’s top stars while the IPL clubs offer nearer £250,000, what’s a player to do?

Testing, testing, twenty-twenty…

Moreover the newly acquired wealth of cricket damages its purity. Test cricket is considered by all in the know as the pinnacle of the sport, a five-day epic contest. Now, the IPL and the Stanford match are threatening this ideal. With so much money becoming available in 20-20 cricket, what’s to stop players from concentrating on short-term, risky strategies suited to this form of the game, rather than the perfection of technique required for test cricket? This is not what 20-20 was founded for. It was meant to bring excitement back to the game with swashbuckling six-hitting and frantic last-ditch chases: to bring fans back into the game as a whole. Now it is beginning to damage the game at its highest level. This may sound like the sort of baseless speculation traded by traditionalists, but the money involved justifies the fear. Just this year Sri Lanka failed to guarantee that their best side would come on the test tour to England next year, as many of them, including stars such as Jayawardene, Sangakkara and Muralitharan, have clashing fixtures with their IPL clubs.
Even competition suffers. Everton are a classic example.

In recent times they have been the only side to break the dominance of the so-called ‘Big Four’, with a fourth place finish at the expense of rivals Liverpool in 2005. Yet their progress has hit a glass ceiling as their relative poverty in Premier League terms has pulled them back. The Everton hierarchy explicitly addressed the problem at the club’s EGM; the Chairman, Bill Kenright, is reported on the BBC Sport website to have flatly stated, “I’m a pauper when it comes to other chairmen…I want Everton to have a billionaire, but it is not me.” Evidently no longer is it enough for a club to have a great manager and to rely on team spirit, making that first tackle. Now, money talks to such an extent that even a multi-millionaire possesses insufficient funds for success.

Yet for all this, is sport actually dying? Is it heck. While we can all pontificate about the potential decline of the elites, there are some areas of sport that will never die. Take Oxford college sport. Does this rely on wads of cash? I would say I wish, but I really don’t. What sport at such a grass-roots level survives on is passion, enthusiasm, camaraderie; all the things that makes sport so great in the first place. While all the worries expressed above are more than legitimate, as long as the factors that make sport so exciting remain, such worries can be shelved, for now.

 

Blues Gymnastics Interview

As part of the squad that beat Cambridge last year, coming third in the individual competition, Amy Morreau has proven herself to be a focused, determined, and skillful individual. Yet on first meeting Amy, with her cheeky giggle and laid-back attitude, you might never guess that she was the current Oxford Gymnastics captain, nor that she ever represented Wales in her discipline. The 20-year old from Cardiff could hardly be any more modest about her achievements and more passionate about her sport, unlike some arrogant young athletes. As she herself jokes, ‘it’s not always gym-nice-tics’.

Amy recalls that her agility wasn’t always seen as a gift. ‘I always seemed to be the only one of my friends as a child who could attempt a handstand at an early age, the only difficulty being the way down…my mum was slightly concerned, but thought the best solution must be gymnastics lessons’. Fast-forward fifteen-odd years and Amy is dedicating a huge part of her life to doing what she loves.

Training five times a week back in Wales and twice weekly at University, whilst also fitting in a physics degree at Worcester College, Amy admits that training can put quite a strain on life: ‘I’m a fun-loving person. My friends and family mean so much to me, but sometimes training for competitions or performances just has to come first’.

Another side to gymnastics which has captivated Amy has led her into acrobatics and ultimately to the circus: ‘I found a unicycle in my shed one day and just decided to learn how to ride it. When I had mastered that, my dad took me along to join the local circus (NoFit state circus), where I got stuck into acrobatics’. Her dedication to the more spectacular side of gymnastics has seen Amy utilise her skills to entertain and thrill at venues across the U.K. including some remarkable shows at this year’s Glastonbury festival.

So what does the future hold for the pocket-sized, happy-go-lucky Amy? A mischievous smile betrays no signs of the drive within her as she shrugs off any suggestions of dropping her big-top ambitions: ‘Hopefully I’ll get a degree and can dedicate myself to the circus a bit more. I’m not quite ready for a proper job just yet!’

 

Motorcyclist jailed for 130mph YouTube video

A motorcyclist who published a YouTube video of himself speeding at 130 mph on the wrong side of an Oxfordshire road has been jailed for 12 weeks.
 
Sandor Ferenci, 28, performed wheelies and skids on the A42 road Banbury to Brackley. His stunts were filmed by a friend and posted on the internet. When officers called him in regards to the complaint, Ferenci immediately asked “Is this about the YouTube video?”
The judge called his driving “lunatic and grossly irresponsible.” Ferenci has also been banned from driving for two years.
Sgt Bryan Smith, of Thames Valley Police, said, “It’s incredibly dangerous. A trophy video has been used on the internet and it could incite other road users to behave in the same way.”

Impeachment proposed for fake degree minister

More than 20 members of the Iranian Parliament have petitioned to impeach Ali Kordan, the Iranian interior minister who claimed to have degree from Oxford. Discussions into Kordan’s fate will begin on October 26th when the Iranian Parliament reconvenes. The parliament speaker has said that impeachment will only be used as a last resort.

Kordan denies knowing the Oxford degree was a forgery, although he has not commented on recent revelations that he does not hold either a bachelor’s or master’s degree from Iran’s Open University.

President Ahmadinejad could be the first president to face a vote of confidence of all members of his cabinet. The Iranian Constitution decrees that if 10
cabinet members are dismissed, Ali Kordan being the 10th, a vote of confidence must be held.

Alan Bennett’s drawings discovered

The drawings and witty asides of Alan Bennett, author and playwright, have been unearthed in a new publication of Exeter college’s ‘JCR Suggestions book’.

The find not only displays the promising talent of some of Exeter’s most celebrated alumni but offers a rare insight into life at Oxford in the fifties. Other famous contributors include television writer and director Ned Sherrin as well as presenter and broadcaster Russell Harty.

The rector of Exeter college, Francis Cairncross, described the book as “a work of both literary genius and school boy humour”.

What OUSU needs

When Peter Bowden ran for OUSU Rep at Lincoln College, his manifesto was deceptively funny. He promised to make all the good things OUSU did better, and make all the bad things go away. And that’s not a summary.

But as with most of the stuff he writes, beneath the acidic, controversial humour, there is a rich vein of potent criticism and commentary. What he was saying was what a lot of people have been thinking for a while now: that OUSU is all petty politics and no action.

This is why Iwu’s election last year was, in my opinion, a step forward for our student union. Let’s take an example: when I first heard about student-run clubbing-venture ‘Pulse’ last Trinity, I was cautiously optimistic. When I found out that OUSU had last week entered into a partnership with them I thought, “OUSU have actually got something right”. For that Iwu deserves applause.

From the current early marketing campaign, it is clear that Pulse is run by two enterprising, experienced students who have a clear understanding of the Oxford nightlife scene and who are willing to outthink their competitors.

Are these two guys, though, the first ever Oxford students to have this entrepreneurial flair and experience of club promotion? I remain unconvinced. So why the hell hasn’t OUSU – in the face of a mammoth Rock Oxford and a sickly looking Zoo – not attempted this sort of venture before? Why have we been relying on Business Managers and VP (Finance)s of previous years to run our club nights? Rock Oxford’s success has been based on a network of student promoters. OUSU could have contracted their Zoo nights out to some of these people years ago, by simply offering them better incentives to defect. Instead it waited for these promoters to come to OUSU, with a viable policy thankfully served up on a platter. That’s just not good enough, and is a blemish on past OUSU Exectuives.

When the potential candidates in the OUSU Presidential contest become evident in the next few weeks, I want to see someone coming forward who has the initiative to propose these kind of schemes. I don’t want woolly phrases or simple platitudes; I want the kind of serious proposals that students can assess on a logical basis.

Hand in hand with this hope is the assertion that an OUSU President has to be competent. Anybody can stand up and claim an idea as their own, but what Oxford students deserve is a candidate who can prove that they have been a success in the past, and will continue to be a success in the future. Given that, for instance, welfare service provision is dependent on OUSU, there’s no room for mistakes, and no room for ineptitude. In short, we can’t afford to see OUSU suffer through a series of debacles that, say, the Oxford Union has been subjected to in recent years. In a university where thousands of the brightest young minds in the world are congregated, how hard can this really be?

Most importantly, I’ll be looking for an OUSU President that cares. And I don’t mean about OUSU or – whisper it quietly – about themselves, and their political aspirations. I mean about the students of Oxford; the services they receive, the support they get and the faith they have in their representative body. This point shouldn’t be underestimated; being OUSU President is an unglamorous job. Early mornings; hard work; constant criticism. We have to look for someone who’ll cope with all that, and still negotiate for endless hours to implement the plans they’ve promised us, the students they represent.

It is my full belief that there must be a student who fulfils all these criteria: initiative, competence and passion. But mixed in with this belief is the knowledge that only the average student – you and I – can elect him or her. If we truly wish to see a resurgent OUSU continue along its upward trajectory, we must admit our own responsibility to ensure this; we must find the right candidate, and not content ourselves to be fooled by the shiny signs that inevitably find themselves outside our colleges come election day.

In defence of OUCA chauvinism

Most people probably missed it walking past. Yet it apparently caused such a furore that Ann Widdecombe decided to weigh in on the matter. I am, of course, referring to the “controversial” OUCA poster at this year’s Freshers’ Fair. I’d just like to clarify something before I proceed: I am not a member of OUCA, nor do I lie anywhere near them on the political spectrum. But I do think they have every right to display the poster.

I do, however, think the poster is sexist. But I do not think it is offensive. It is a picture of an attractive girl with a mild sexual innuendo for a caption- have we really all led such sheltered lives as to be outraged by this? Set aside politics, just for a second, and it is no more offensive, (indeed less so), that a Lynx advert or any one of the thousands of products advertised by a picture of an attractive woman. So then it must be a political organisation being linked to sex that is causing such alarm? It is no wonder such a novel idea has produced such a backlash…

Yes, I think the poster conveys a negative message. But please do not make the mistake of thinking it is the message that women are objects to be used (as has been reported), but rather that OUCA is well on its way to becoming an archaic, outdated society. When I saw the poster, it did not scream “Women are not people, they are objects”; rather it, whimpered – the confused noise of a society that doesn’t know where it belongs, caught between the nostalgia of the “glory days”, when political correctness was simply not voting for the opposition, and the fear of Cameron’s hoodie-hugging future.

So I stand by my earlier statement: OUCA should not be criticised for displaying a poster of a pretty girl and the slogan “Life is better under a Conservative.” If this is the ethos of the party, then let no man (or woman, lest I be accused of sexism myself) dare to stop them. A society whose principle means of advertising involves promoting the idea that women are no more than objects will drive away the majority of the well-informed, intelligent students this university has to offer. They will be their own downfall, and such a Shakespearean end is only fitting for a group which takes its views of women from that period.

2nd Week

An irredeemably poor week for releases, this, so let’s hurtle through it like a noisome, grotty, ‘rock n roll train’…

AC/DC Rock N Roll Train *

I feel totally unqualified to talk about this sort of music, but then I feel totally mystified as to why the hell AC/DC are releasing new music at all. This single doesn’t enlighten me. This is far too bloated, pedestrian, one-dimensional…the guitars chop and splurge, the drums thump on heterosexually – musically, it’s inoffensive. But the constipated squeal of his voice alone is enough to damn this record.

Keane – The Lovers Are Losing **

Can I be controversial and claim to love Keane? It’d be original enough. Frankly, no, but I can at least flag up something that’s very, very unfair. Kings Of Leon spend their last two albums trying to sound exactly like U2, and are feted and adored for it. Keane do the same thing here, but far better, in that they actually sound so ridiculously like U2 in the 1990s that you think Bono’s practicing ventriloquism with his hand up Tom Chaplin’s arse. Apart from that, the second line of the chorus is quite nice and sounds more like Delays. If it weren’t that my father once bumped into Chaplin practicing his swing on the driving range, I’d admit to liking this song.

Fall Out Boy – I Don’t Care **

The intro has that chugging, raunchy beat favoured by Kasabian and Kylie (remember ‘2 Hearts’?) So this is jolly emo then. Yes indeed. ‘The best of us can find happiness in misery.’ Happiness and a lucrative musical career, it seems. The chorus starts like really bad Green Day, but ends in an altogether more sophisticate place. The lyrics veer from the contorted and spoilt to the mildly interesting. Obviously, I can’t stand this band. But the song’s not bad at all.

Girls Aloud – The Promise ***

This should be brilliant. This time, pop’s most consistent sonic innovators capture something simultaneously eternal and really retro. It’s glitzy, cinematic, and does that thing with a minor 4th chord that screams vintage class. The hook is giddy and impulsive; the strings giggle and flirt in the background with assured, macho brass. It takes a little too long to get going, but once it gets into its stride, this is truly swoonsome. But it only gets three stars, since the key change three and a half minutes in is unforgivably clumsy. Where’s their attention to detail gone?

Top of the Ox: Local Tune of the Week

You’ve probably heard of Borderville, but they’ve sort of been away and come back this year. So I may as well mention them again now their sure path to success seems to have meandered somewhat. They’ve got a new bass player and new songs, and I can’t make up my mind whether ‘Lover I’m Finally Through’ or ‘Silence and Violence’ is better. These two, now playing on their myspace, thus compete for tune of the week; a motley brace of urchin-folk songs that sound like a travelling circus pitched up outside a Victorian music hall. Their energy, eclecticism and way with a swashbuckling melody recall folk pioneers Bellowhead, but these tunes have a ragged ferocity all their own.

Cat’s Cream: Week 2

Live Music

This Monday, get yourself down to the Carling Academy to see Noah and the Whale. Since the release of their debut album this summer, Peaceful The World Lays Me Down, the folk rock band have received much positive critical acclaim.

You might recognise them by their song of the summer ‘5 Years’ Time‘. A twee indie folk tune, that repeats the words ‘love’, ‘sun’ and ‘happy’ a lot, it epitomises the endearing cuteness of this London band. Judging by the simple quirkiness of their videos, this show will certainly be entertaining.

So, as the work begins to set in this term, give yourself a break and have a frolick. You certainly won’t regret it in five years’ time.

Club Night

Wednesday – always a tricky one for choosing your clubbing alliances. Are you a ‘Shark Ender’ or not?

Well, this week there are two alternative options for you to try. Free Range, Oxford’s the new dubstep, hip hop and drum n bass night, will be returning to The Cellar for a dubstep special with N-Type DJing. This relatively new phenomenon has certainly become the fashionable dance music genre to namedrop, but Wednesday should still provide some dark and dirty beats.

Alternatively, it’s Action Stations number 7 at Baby Love Bar. Playing a mix of retro rock n roll, blues, ska, reggae, swing and surf rock they’ll have something to delight anyone’s palate.

Except for those of you who like cheese and r n b, but we all know where you’ll be hiding. And that is something you’ll regret in 5 minutes’ time.