New OURFC Captain Varsity substitute Peter Clarke has been selected as the new rugby captain, following the retirement of Joe Roff. The surprise appointment marks a turn of fortune for the 25 year-old flanker, whose Oxford career has been blighted by injury to date. The former Loughborough student, who previously captained the Leicester Tigers Academy, has already set his sights on Twickenham victory: ‘It’s a tremendous honour to captain this club, but I won’t be patting myself on the back. I am ambitious and want to be in the best place I can to help win the Varsity Match; I know I’m a quality player and I have got confidence in myself.’ Pub sports special Exeter 1 were the eventual winners of Division 1 of the College Pool league having amassed 56 points. However Matt has noted that had the league been played on a ‘Frames for’ basis, then they would have been pipped at the post by Merton 1. Incredible! In Division 1 of the Oxford University Table Football League, Merton I currently sit top of the table, with a comfortable lead. If one looks at the stats for Michaelmas, Matt notes for all those anoraks out there, that the most common score in the league was 0-12 which seems suprising as it suggests that the players play better away from home, on new turf (or table). However if one takes the league as a whole Matt sees that apart from 20% of matches being walkovers mainly thanks to Division 3b, the score was most commonly 6-6 or 7-5.
by Matt Gold

St. Peter's 17 – 10 St. Catherine'sThis was a Cuppers contest of epic proportions and one which St. Peter’s, sticking to their tried-and-tested brand of forward-dominated rugby, just edged out a Catz side whose running game couldn’t quite deliver the results they hoped for. The first quarter of an hour revealed for all to see that the visitors had not played a competitive match since 0th week. Catz literally panicked under pressure from the Peter’s scrum, boosted by the presence of Blues second row Bertie Payne. Although the Manor Road outfit couldn’t be faulted for their commitment in the tackle area, a lack of communication allowed Peter’s to eventually touch down in the corner to take the lead. Things quickly went from bad to worse for Catz, with the ball being spilled and poor decisionmaking led to another Peter’s score. This time, however, poor tackling was to blame, allowing the scrum half to squeeze through an unguarded fringe with little resistance. The try was then converted, leaving Peter’s 12-0 up and looking totally dominant. Catz then managed to hang on until their cavalry arrived – University players Rich Godfrey and Ali Walker arriving from labs. Immediately the visitors seemed full of confidence, with both set pieces beginning to function. A five-metre lineout was spun wide, then switched for Walker to bring the half to a close with a well-taken try. The visitors began the second period as they ended the first. Aggressive rucking gave the backs a chance to attack, and Matt Perrins crashed over for Catz’ second unconverted try. Peter’s realized they were in a game and rallied, driving the ball to the heart of the Catz defence. Although the visitors’ tackling was as tough as ever, a five-metre scrum was driven over for Payne to touch down. The game was far from over, though. Both Walker and Godfrey carved out openings for Catz, but the final ball just would not come. Peter’s did well to close the game down by driving around the fringes, making sure Catz had as little ball as possible in the dying seconds.by James de Mellow

Don’t we all feel pretty darn proud of ourselves when we can give a friend the truly perfect present? Who doesn’t just love that inner glow as their faces light up and you can metaphorically pat yourself on the back in the knowledge that this time you’ve got it spot on! Yet there seem to be a million obstacles standing in our way. I may have the perfect present in mind for a particular friend, but once I’ve added into the mental equation my student state of poverty, the finite nature of options in the local shops and my irritating lack of time, the prospect of my perfect present fantasy is shattered. Present buying seems like a small chore; something that can be slotted in during the short half hour slot between my 11 o’clock lecture and lunch at half twelve, but should it be? Everyone thinks that any present, however swiftly and cheaply picked up, is better than giving no present. I’m not so sure.

I speak from the heart here. Take my Christmas this year: my mother has a very large family and although this used to mean that I got loads of pressies, this year we decided to do a ‘family secret Santa’ to make it easier for everyone. You buy one present, you receive one present and the essence lies in putting time and personal thought into the one present you are responsible for. How do you think I felt then, when I opened my one present to reveal a puke coloured water proof satchel with a strap made out of the sort of material you pull on the side of a life jacket to tighten it up! Actually the whole thing was kind of like a bag shaped life jacket. We’ve all been there – that sinking feeling followed by the embarrassed flushes as you exclaim how great it is and how grateful you are, when really you’re not only bitterly disappointed but convinced your disappointment is conspicuous. There’s just nothing pretty about that sort of situation; it really is the definition of cringe for everyone there.

So what morals can we draw from this my friends? Alright, you might be rushed and skint and lacking in ideas, but persistence is the essence. If the light bulbs really aren’t clicking don’t just pick up something rubbish, save everyone the embarrassment and bide your time – trust me, it’s worth it!

St. Edmund Hall 27 – 12 University Teddy Hall emerged victorious on Wednesday in a game played under lights at Iffley Road. The strength of their performance, and the way in which they overwhelmed a strong Univ side, showed them to be real contenders in this year’s Cuppers competition. Credit must go to the OURFC as well as the players for the atmosphere and competitive edge to this match. With a large crowd who remained in full voice throughout, this game was an example of college sport at its very best. The game began at a great pace, Hall scoring an early try with a run directly up the middle. The conversion was hit, and this began a protracted period of pressure on the Univ line. However, some fantastic defence around the fringes, combined with some fantastic covering tackling, notably by Blues winger Jonan Boto, limited Hall to only scoring a further three points from a penalty ,converted by full back Will Stevens. Univ eventually broke the shackles with a spectacular try that saw the ball spread across the field from a quick penalty and the ball touched down in the corner. The conversion was a difficult one, but after a hurried early period Univ seemed to be settling into their game, and when Boto ran in their second try after a mistake by the Hall left wing, a Univ counter attack swept the length of the field. Univ suddenly looked on fire. Half time came at the right time for Hall, giving them a chance to pull themselves together and rethink their strategy. When the sides came out after the break, it became increasingly obvious that the referee was going to get in the way of making this the truly classic encounter it deserved to be. Having blown his whistle far too regularly in the first half, he continued to intervene too much in the second. This was not enough to stop a resurgent Hall, who quickly reestablished their lead with a breakout try in the far corner, followed swiftly after by a solid driving maul that Univ couldn’t live with. Suddenly, the score was 20-12, and things were looking far more comfortable for the nominal home side. Univ never looked likely to regain any foothold on the game, with the Hall backs starting to threaten every time they got the ball in hand. Particularly impressive was Sam Humphry-Baker, whose incisive running kept those watching riveted right up to the end. With a further Hall try in the left corner, this time converted, the lead was stretched to fifteen points and the game was over as a contest. However, there was still some entertainment to be had, as the referee went on a card-happy spree in the closing minutes. He sinbinned Boto, and then Hall captain Philip Satterthwaite, for maddeningly trivial offences, and then finished the game by sending off Boto just after he had returned to the field. Only this ridiculous end marred what had otherwise been a fantastic game of rugby, and one that leaves fans excited about the Teddy Hall’s chances in the final stages of Cuppers.by Jack Marsh

OUSU has distributed a guide to college rent negotiations that is almost entirely copied, despite having vowed to change it in Trinity last year. In May the 2007 edition of the rent document was removed from the OUSU website after it was revealed that four-fifths of it was taken from the equivalent guide produced by Cambridge University Student’s Union (CUSU).The guide is intended to help JCRs successfully negotiate with colleges to keep student rents down, and contains legal and tactical advice for organising rent strikes.Anti-plagiarism software reveals that the new version, circulated to JCR treasurers on Tuesday, is 78 percent identical to the CUSU guide, and still does not accredit the Cambridge original.The edition of the rent pack taken down in May contained repeated references to CUSU. OUSU claimed that the wrong version of the pack had been uploaded to their website, and said that a new one would be released. However, the new pack is almost identical to the one removed last year. Dom Weinberg, the OUSU Rent and Accommodation Officer who updated the rent pack, said that he was aware that OUSU had been criticised last year for plagiarising the CUSU document, but “didn’t see it necessary” to attribute it to CUSU.He said, “I worked on what I had last year. Not a huge amount has been changed but some has. I added in bits on making sure the whole college is involved in the negotiations. I deleted the references to Cambridge. I also changed the order of the guide and made an overview page,” Weinberg said.He said that there were no plans to create a new document or take the current one down, and maintained that the inclusion of CUSU’s advice was beneficial to Oxford JCRs.“Surely it’s inevitable that a lot of the negotiation processes are to be similar to those at Cambridge,” he said.OUSU President Martin McCluskey said that he had been largely unaware of the controversy when it erupted in Trinity as he had been studying for Finals, and that the new guide was only a slightly revised version of the 2007 edition. “I’ve basically got the documents I’ve inherited,” he said. A reference to a non-existent appendix, left over from the CUSU original, had still not been removed from the new document. McCluskey admitted that this was an example of “sloppy drafting.” But he said that the rent pack was still broadly useful, and that it was only part of the help OUSU provided to JCRs fighting rent increases.“I don’t see why it’s an issue,” he said. “We’ve got a basic rent document that JCR and MCR Presidents seem broadly satisfied with.”“OUSU also provides support to JCRs in one-on-one meetings. We also provide co-ordination across colleges,” he added.The 2007 document repeatedly referred to ‘College Councils’, bodies which do not exist in Oxford but do in Cambridge. It had been available for four months before OUSU removed it from the website.Maanas Jain, President of Worcester JCR, said that OUSU should have acknowledged that CUSU had provided most of the material for the pack, saying, “I think there should be some tentative recognition that they were going to be similar.”But he defended OUSU’s role in helping JCRs to fight college rent increases, saying, “The whole process this was an extensive one. All JCR Presidents gave in their rent details to the OUSU committee.”

St. Anne's 4 – 1 Oriel St Anne’s comfortably beat Oriel today to overtake Teddy Hall and go second in the JCR Premiership. With the season drawing to its close, a ding-dong battle is developing between these two in pursuit of Worcester, who lead Anne’s by only two points, albeit with a game in hand. Oriel, only just behind Anne’s before today’s match, now languish in mid-table, licking their wounds alongside Wadham as the top three fight it out in a potentially thrilling season finale. On a perfect afternoon for football, both teams set out their stall to attack, Anne’s playing an intricate passing game, and Oriel ready to break with speed. Oriel’s striker Kris Burnage had the first chance of the match, latching onto a long ball to volley wide from outside the box. Anne’s hit back with a flowing move down the left, full-back Andy Royle exchanging passes with winger Mc- Donald before firing his shot past the far post. Soon after this, Anne’s took the lead through a moment of pure class from striker Jacob Lloyd, deftly cushioning down a long ball with his head before hitting a low, controlled volley from outside the box across the Oriel keeper and into the far corner. It didn’t take long for Anne’s to add a second, this time as a result of shambolic defending. A routine long ball was poorly dealt with, allowing Anne’s midfielder Joe Galbraith to direct the ball towards Mc- Donald six yards out, who shinned his shot unerringly into the bottom corner. Oriel came close to a quick response, heading narrowly wide from a corner, only to concede a third to another moment of quality from Anne’s – McDonald’s crisply chipped through-ball put Ed Border away, who slid the ball home with trademark composure, cool as an oversized cucumber. Anne’s passing game was looking as good as it had all season, with a stylish commitment to keeping it on the ground and letting the ball do the work that saw several players revelling in the opportunity to strut their stuff. Oriel still looked dangerous, and could probably count themselves unlucky to be three down at this point. Central midfielder and Blue, Cameron Knight, twice went close from outside the box, and Qais Hammad sent a dangerous-looking free kick narrowly over the bar. Knight’s return to the Oriel side was spoilt by the constant harrying of the two Anne’s centre mids, Stu Clark and Steve Clarke, who dominated the physical battle to control the game. Harry Hoare and Burnage looked sharp up front for Oriel, with Burnage’s impressive pace carving out a half-chance, only to be stopped by a brave last-ditch block from Anne’s captain Ryan Fox, and then Hoare bringing a good low save from Anne’s keeper Mike Butler. On the stroke of half-time, Butler was called into action again to dive at the feet of Hammad – one of several occasions where the Anne’s keeper’s speed off his line proved a crucial last line of defence. At half-time the score remained 3-0 to St Anne’s. The second half started in similar fashion to the end of the first, with Anne’s perhaps over-complicating their passing but producing flashes of real skill, Oriel favouring a direct approach as they chased the game. Both sides went close from corners, Anne’s defender Chris Hollindale twice heading wide under pressure, either side of a powerful effort from Oriel’s Ettenfield, whose header was also off-target after a superb ball from Hammad. At this point both sides made substitutions. Perhaps coincidentally, perhaps not, Oriel immediately grabbed a goal back, a nice passing move putting Knight in to slide home and give the visitors a lifeline. With twenty minutes to go, Oriel began to pile on the pressure, throwing caution to the winds with a 4-3-3 formation as Anne’s switched to 4-5-1. Oriel forced several corners but were unable to capitalise on any of them as Anne’s held firm, determined not to let their lead slip. Both sides had chances, Oriel forcing a series of desperate blocks on the edge of the Anne’s box and then Hollindale having a header cleared off the line from yet another corner. At last, with five minutes left, Anne’s put the game beyond doubt, Kynaston, Clarke and Border combining to feed McDonald on the edge of the box, who nonchalantly fired the ball into the far corner to seal the victory. The final whistle wasn’t long coming, leaving both teams to reflect on a somewhat flattering score line for St Anne’s. With only a handful of games to go, Anne’s find themselves very much still in the hunt for the title, particularly with Worcester still to play their re-arranged match with Teddy Hall. It seems likely that this season will go right down to the wire: Wednesday 5 March, when Anne’s host Teddy Hall in their final game, is a date that should be circled in everyone’s calendar.by George Kynaston

Star Wars, in a sense, is an easy target. Sure, it’s a ‘classic’, credited with revolutionising cinema, one of the most loved films of all time, eminently quotable and filled with iconic scenes and characters. But still (and this is the crux of my argument), it’s a bit naff.This may seem a somewhat churlish reason to take offence at a film which is so honest about its low-budget TV-serial roots. It’s all part of the charm, right? Well, it seems that line of reasoning has made Star Wars impervious to rational criticism. There’s the awful dialogue – ‘Travelling through hyperspace ain’t like dusting crops, boy!’ – which most critics are unusually happy to gloss over, attributing it to part of the film’s charm. The acting is similarly acknowledged to be weak, verging on atrocious, but guess what? It’s got charm! Like Prince Charming’s lucky charm at a charm convention!Consider the plot itself, so riddled with contrivances that one wonders if George Lucas started off with just the plot holes, and cleverly weaved a story around them. The most obvious hole is the most literal one, which is that if you’re going to build a planetsized machine of terror, you’re not going to leave a tiny gap on the outside which leads directly to the ‘reactor core’. Forget missiles: what about stray birds?On the subject of Imperial stupidity, how on earth do our heroes escape stormtroopers by jumping into a ‘trash compactor’? Sure, the Empire’s elite would be incapable of hitting a barn door with a cannon that actually fired barn doors, but does it not occur to them to look in the trash compactor or wait by its only exit? And how does C-3PO manage to hide by locking a door? There’s really only one response to the stormtrooper who actually says ‘It’s locked, let’s move on!’ and that’s for the entire audience to collectively bang their heads on the seats in front of them.The editing is similarly dodgy, but cunningly disguised by the masterful soundtrack. Take away the music and you’re left with numerous awkward pauses and endless shots of robots walking into deserts. Then there’s the ‘Special Edition’, which is roughly the same as the original, except it contains small computer-generated creatures falling off larger computer-generated creatures, undoubtedly thought up in a moment of ‘hilarious’ ‘genius’.Finally, there’s the blatant Wookie racism. As if it isn’t enough that Chewie doesn’t get a medal at the end, he’s continually treated like an amusing pet/ slave, despite being the only one with enough common sense to question the sanity of deliberately falling down a ‘garbage chute’. So there. Star Wars condones slavery. And that’s really the crux of my argument.By Jonathan Tan