by Sarah DaviesDespite its title, Tom Costello’s newest play is anything but a laughing matter. Set in a dystopian not-too-distant future, the audience is thrown into a world ravaged by over-population, social darwinism, and severely mediocre sitcoms.

The premise of the play is simple: the characters work as scriptwriters on the most popular show on TV. They hate it, but when they are instructed to end it by murdering the entire cast in the most mundane way possible, it creates a dilemma – surely even this, the very worst of shows, deserves a satisfactory ending?

However, the main interest of the play lies in the relationships between the cast members. At first it seems that it is a straightforward case of adultery, and we watch as Charlotte tries to make the decision between her ever-so-slightly dull boyfriend and  her exciting toyboy. Yet as the play progresses it becomes clear the choice is not between men but between principles. Should she stay with her idealistic partner in reality, trying to make a difference, or move to the gated paradise of “the Orchard” and live carefree with her lover? Ultimately, her choice forces both Charlotte, and the audience, to question which they value more: moral standards or individual happiness.

The cast’s performances add variety and encourage you to engage with what could have ended up a rather depressing production. There’s the overtly public school boyfriend, the obnoxious intern trading on his father’s name, and the adulterous Charlotte, who despite having no one but herself to blame one can’t help but sympathise with.

In short: the idea’s interesting, the script’s good and the performances are engaging. 
By: Tom Costello
BT, 9.30pm Tues-Sat
6th Week

A Univ fresher’s nose was broken after a fight at the Old Fire Station night club last Wednesday night, allegedly with another student.
The assault took place during a drinking session with the University College rugby team. A teammate knocked into another man at the club while dancing, provoking him to punch the fresher in the face.
The victim, who did not wish to be named, said, “I don’t know who the guy was but I think he was a student. Something annoyed him. I think one of my mates may have knocked into him. He turned around and hit me in the face.
“The bouncers kicked both of us out, saying they wanted no trouble from us. I went to hospital and they said I had fractured my nose.”
A witness at the scene reported hearing a commotion and then seeing a man being led out of the OFS.
“It happened really quickly,” he said. “I saw nothing but I heard a lot of shouting behind me. When I turned round I saw him [the victim of the assault] being kicked out. I heard he went straight to hospital. The whole thing’s pretty bad. There is no need for this kind of thing to happen on a night out, especially when the guy doesn’t seem to have done anything to provoke the attack.”
The identity of the attacker was not known though the victim suspected he was an Oxford undergraduate. The victim said he would not be pressing charges, and Thames Valley Police confirmed that no arrests were made in connection with the assault.
The news follows a campaign by local police at the beginning of the term to prevent anti-social behaviour induced by drink. University students were warned during a month-long campaign of bus ads, posters and radio broadcasts that strict penalties for anti-social behaviour fuelled by alcohol and drugs use would be imposed.

An Exeter student was arrested by police and held in custody overnight after a car crash in St Clement’s Street last week.According to other Exeter students, the third-year had earlier been thrown out of the college on 27 October by the porter, after littering the lodge with food and causing excessive noise before driving off in a car with a friend. It is not know whether it was he or his friend who was driving, or who was at the wheel at the time of the crash.
The Exeter third-year has refused to comment on the issue.
One student, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “Him and someone else went driving, and crashed the car. They were both arrested and spent the night in the cells.”
“I’m not sure which one of them was driving at the time.”
The student was of the opinion that they would both have been over the limit. Subsequently the police have confirmed that both students in the car were over the legal limit when arrested.
The student, who wished not to be named, has been disciplined a number of times in the past, including being thrown out of three balls. He was made  to sign a contract by College authorities promising not to disturb college life any further after being expelled from an Exeter ball.
“He got kicked out of 3 college balls: our own, Lincoln and Hilda’s,” said another Exeter student. “There was an incident last year in which the police were called to the college’s accommodation on Iffley Road to prevent him from drink driving then.”
Another student, who also wished to remain anonymous, criticised the college for not acting more harshly with him.
“He has totally deserved any punishment doled out by college. In fact, I would go as far as to tell you that the punishment is sending down, and even this is not far enough in my opinion.
“He deserves everything he gets, and I hope he is sent to prison. It is a disgustingly selfish and vile action to drink drive, where not only your own life is at danger, but those of others around you,” they said.
Thames Valley Police confirmed that police had been called to an incident on the morning of the 27 October in which a car had crashed into a barrier outside The Duke pub on St Clement’s, though they refused to confirm the names of those arrested.
Both occupants of the vehicle were arrested for being above the legal alcohol limit and for failing to stop at a road accident. One was also arrested for using the vehicle without third-party insurance.
They were released on police bail, under instruction to return to the station on 30 November to be either formally charged or acquitted. Exeter College refused to make a comment on the case, saying it was an internal disciplinary matter.
According to a survey carried out in August by the charity Brake, almost one in five drivers from the ages 17-18 has admitted to drink driving.
Jools Townsend, head of education at Brake, said “Every day young drivers kill and seriously injure themselves and others through a deadly combination of inexperience and taking risks like drink driving.” Brake have called for targeted road-side testing of drivers’ alcohol levels, in order to reduce drink-driving related deaths by youngsters.
Louise Randall, OUSU Vice-President for Welfare, said that drink driving was extremely irresponsible as it put other road users in danger.
“Driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs is extremely dangerous and potentially lethal not only to the driver but to those around them.”
“We urge students to drink responsibly and never to take the wheel whilst under the influence. Nominate a designated driver, and don’t be afraid to take car keys off those who have been drinking. Don’t pay the price for taking risks, take a taxi,” she said.

by Elle Graham-DixonA dusty A4 sheet of paper is the only indication that the Ashmolean even has a print room. Its doors spend most of their time locked and even an art enthusiast would be forgiven for being oblivious to its presence.

There is no doubt that the print room is a deliberately hidden treasure. It contains an unequalled collection of prints from Great Masters such as Raphael, Michelangelo and Hogarth, interspersed with lesser-known illustrations of social history. This is no ordinary museum space; its hushed interior is more akin to a Bodleian reading room than anything else.

The prints here have been almost entirely left out of the merry-go-round of large-scale exhibitions that engage with a wider public. In terms of aesthetics and conservation, blockbuster shows would not be the right context for these works. Easily damaged by light and humidity, this archive of drawings, prints and sketches has been treated with respect for their fragility.

The print room gives you the opportunity to engage with these works up close and unframed. A Leonardo drawing of a young girl and a unicorn, executed with economy of line can be placed in a well-lit room in front of you for your own personal viewing. An invaluable experience like this is a world away from the treatment of his drawings at the recent British Museum exhibition, where they were placed under high security for good reason.

The room contains prints and drawings from the fifteenth century up to the present day. It ranges from topographical maps of Oxford to the collection that Ruskin himself used as lecture aids in the 1870s. Of particular interest are the Hogarth prints and other eighteenth century caricatures. It was at this point that the reproductive potential of the print was first truly exploited. Looking at this work gives us a peek into an early form of our own culture of mass-produced images.

The original prints of The Harlot’s Progress (Hogarth) are fantastically detailed and rarely reproduced to actual size. At such close quarters we can access wonderful details, such as a background prostitute winking out at us, or a small black cat sniffing under the harlot’s skirt. The increased circulation of images like these helped to forge a mass media less under the thumb of the censors.  The print has a different quality to great paintings. It is designed to speak directly to the public; up close and unframed or reproduced in a newspaper. Even decorative prints were often seen more as personal works of art, souvenirs for nostalgia.

Prints are more often illustrations of narratives than self-sufficient works of art. The success of images such as The Harlot’s Progress lie in their ability to relay the stories within them. To facilitate this, the print room provides the equivalent of a pictorial reading room, the catalogue: a library of hidden treasure at your disposal.

Magdalen 3 – 18 Keble KEBLE re-asserted their authority in the world of college rugby after claiming their third successive Division One title on Tuesday. Magdalen went into the game with an outside chance of stealing their opponent’s crown but came unstuck against a Keble machine who have not lost a league fixture in two and a half years.
Fittingly, given the importance of the match, Keble had by far their toughest outing this season against a combative and well drilled Magdalen team. Indeed, Magdalen’s structure and moves provided a touch of intrigue among some of the crowd, as it emerged that former Keble player and coach Winnie Humphreys was now managing their opposition.
The home side started strongest, with clear intent to stamp their dominance on Keble before they built up momentum. Winning an early scrum, Andrew Barnes had Keble pinned down with some astute kicking. However, Magdalen’s failure to capitalise on territorial gains proved to be their undoing, as it was throughout the match.
As the game swung back and forth between the respective 22’s,  Keble’s forwards made several powerful drives, attempting to break the deadlock. Reaping the benefit of these territorial gains with a penalty on 15 minutes, the Keble pack also powered over a try to cement their lead.
Yet this half was far from one-way traffic, and just before half-time Magdalen clawed 3 points back with a late tackle on one Waite brother by the other. Barnes easily slotted the resulting penalty kick to gain a just reward for a fiercely contested first half.
The second period was a similar battle of territorial control but again Keble’s sustained pressure reaped dividends as a penalty 10 minutes into the second half gave them  an 11 point lead. Picking up some momentum in the backline as the game opened up late into the second half, Keble completed a sweeping move. Starting from the centre and working the ball from right to left, Keble winger  Fox finished with an explosive dash to make the score 16-3. Peter Bolton then converted from a tight angle to hand Keble an 18-3 victory. 
As is so often the case the score line obscures what was a closely contested encounter. Magdalen will rue their lack of finishing, especially given the strength of their pack whose performance exerted considerable pressure on the champions, particularly in the second half. However, Keble fly-half Pete Bolton’s metronomic boot kept his side out of trouble and formed the basis of their attacks with his devastating accuracy.
Tellingly, Keble captain Max Cole suggested that while the game was well balanced, perhaps Magdalen’s game was too similar to a Keble side that had built up an immense head of steam ahead of this match.
Magdalen captain Andrew Johnson conceded that Keble have had a “great season” and he can console himself that his side came far closer than the score line suggests to derailing this seemingly unstoppable Keble juggernaut that will be already thinking of a fourth title.

WHILST Keble’s hard-fought victory over Magdalen secured a third First Division title in succession on Tuesday, issues at the other end of the table were settled in a more underwhelming fashion.
With St. Hugh’s due to face Teddy Hall in what was set up to be a relegation decider, the prospect of the Teddies beginning next season in Division Two was crushed as Hugh’s conceded the points, unable to put out a side.
Hugh’s will be joined in the second tier by St. Peter’s, who completed a dismal, pointless campaign by going down 34-0 at home to Catz. The visitors were missing several key players, and will be more than happy with a result that sees them claim second place in the table behind Keble.
Hoping to make their mark among the elite next year will be second division champions Christ Church and runners-up LMH/Trinity, who secured promotion after seeing off the challenge of Wadham in their final fixture.
Making their way down to Division Three are Exter, who finished rock bottom without a single point, and Corpus Christi/Somerville, who were playing top-flight rugby not too long ago.
Both Christ Church and LMH will be looking to fare better than Peter’s and Hugh’s, who were both promoted to the top flight last Hilary.
New blood will be a vital injection to a league where the gap between the top and bottom sides this term was truly staggering and, at times, frightening.

A man who attacked an Oxford student was jailed for two years after being convicted of assault and attempted robbery at Oxford Crown Court last Friday.
Jacob Chambers, along with 18-year-old friend Aaron Williams, approached the American undergraduate in Pembroke Street at 9:20pm on 12 July and asked him for a cigarette. When he refused, the student was pushed into a nearby doorway and searched.  On finding nothing, Chambers punched him in the face.
Chambers, who is from Cowley, was sentenced to two years in prison for the assault and with a string of other offences, including two attempted robberies and intimidating a witness. Aaron Williams, from Preachers Lane, was given a twelve month supervision order and will do 50 hours unpaid work for attempted robbery. Both men were 18 at the time of the offence.
PC Alex Gill of the Oxford Robbery Team said, “Both these men have been causing trouble in Oxford for a while and we are glad to see them getting a sentence that we hope will make them think twice about the impact their crimes have on their victims.”
The judge justified the sentence on the grounds of emotional distress caused to Chambers and Williams’ victims, and their lack of remorse for their crimes. Chambers is reported to have grinned at friends present in court, one of whom was removed from the proceedings for laughing when Chambers was asked to imagine how he would have felt had someone done the same thing to him.
Although neither man is thought to have been armed at the time, the judge emphasised that Chambers was aware that the people he was with during the attempted burglaries were carrying knives.
Louise Randall, OUSU Vice-President for Welfare, said, “We really encourage students not to take risks with their personal safety when out and about at night. There are actually more attacks on men in the city than women, so this really isn’t just a women’s issue. We recommend that students don’t walk alone late at night, and that where possible they use well lit routes. Attack alarms are a valuable deterrent, and are available for £1.60 from OUSU or your college welfare officer. Make use of the great services such as the Safety Bus and the Walk Safe scheme to make sure that you get home safely.”

Magdalen 1 – 3 St Catz IT’S always going to be a big match when first plays second in the race for promotion to the elite of college football, but when  the famous Magdalen – St. Catz rivalry was added to the mix, getting three points from this match went from being important to imperative.
Both sides came into this match in confident form, and it only took five minutes for Catz to forge an advantage. Midfielder Sam Boaden’s long-range effort was tipped over by the Magdalen stopper, Mark Saunders. But Saunders was left useless when  Ryan Taylor’s cross was met by the head of  Jack Robinson at the back post to open the scoring.
It should have been two for the boys in sky blue after Sam Donaldson threaded a great ball through only to see Taylor fluff the effort on his weaker foot.
Instead of Catz building on their lead, however, they allowed the hosts back into the match. The  visiting backline failed to clear their lines and allowed Tom Clark to bisect the two  centre halves, leaving Dan Thompson a simple finish to get Magdalen right back in the game.
Catz finished the half the stronger of the two sides, but Magdalen started the second period better with John Adamson going close, Catz keeper Tom Monteath tipping  a strong drive round the post.
Minutes later the ever impressive Catz right back Pete Jones’ last ditch tackle saved an almost certain goal after Magdalen forward Tom Clark had only the keeper to beat. Then, after Donaldson was forced into a goal line clearance, it seemed a question of when and not if Magdalen would take the lead.
But the opportunities began to dry up and, as the players tired,  the question of how the  captains would manage their substitutes looked as if it would decide who went home with three points, and the bragging rights.
Magdalen were left to rue their missed chances after a quick free quick by Rossa O’Keefe-O’Donovan put Taylor through, although the Magdalen ‘keeper palmed it out for a corner. Taylor found  Robinson again from the set piece, but this time the skipper headed across goal for O’Keefe-O’Donovan to finish the move he started.
After playing a part in the goal, Robinson then went about making changes, with Rich Mason, James MacNaughton and Dave Innes all adding vital energy to a wilting attack as Magdalen upped the tempo in the search for an equalizer. As the game came to a close those substitutions began to count, Mason sending Innes through with a pass that showed vision. The forward then proceeded to beat his man, making no mistake in slotting home a third, sending the Catz supporters wild and the team to the top of the table.

Controversial plans to install CCTV cameras along Cowley Road have finally been approved following years of conflict between city authorities and residents groups.
In a meeting held between City Councillors and police last week, it was agreed that 4 wireless CCTV cameras would be set up at strategic points along Cowley Road, statistically Oxford’s most crime-ridden area.
The cameras will cost around £48,000, plus installation, and the University will be asked to contribute.
OUSU President Martin McCluskey, who led a campaign in support of CCTV in the area, claimed to be happy with the decision.
“It’s not exactly what we wanted but we’re happy we’ve managed to find a compromise solution. What we hope to do is make people feel safer in the area.” he said. 
In Thames Valley Police’s original proposal, backed by McCluskey, they asked for 8 cameras to be set up along the road, rather than the final 4.
The long-running campaign to get CCTV in Cowley road came partly in response to statistics showing it to be the worst affected area of Oxford for crime.
According to Thames Valley Police, there have been 900 instances of violent crime in the area in the year April 2006-7, which is home to approximately 3000 students and a number of popular student venues such as the Carling Academy.
The plans have come under heavy criticism from Counsellor Nuala Ann Young, Chairman of the East Area parliament, who accused them of interfering with residents’ civil liberties.
“It [CCTV footage] could be in the wrong hands. This government has already taken away our civil liberties, condoning torture, having to get police permission to demonstrate within a mile of parliament, they even arrested a woman for reading out names of people killed in Iraq outside 10 Downing Street, so this is a worry. The fact that the UK have more CCTV than Australia and Africa combined, and London has more than the whole of the United States is something we need to think about very seriously,” she said.
Many students living in the area have, however, voiced their support for the decision.
Ashni Shah of University College saw it as a positive step towards making Cowley safer for students. “I’m really happy with the plans because at the moment Cowley’s really quite scary, walking home at night with druggies and people with bike-clippers and peoples’ houses being broken into. A guy I know had two bikes stolen in a week. There’s a lot of illegal activity in Cowley and it’s dangerous. I’d say every other student home has a story, like someone breaking in,” she said. 
Daniel Woods, also a Cowley resident, supported the plans. “I’m broadly in favour of more CCTV in Cowley. It does bother me a lot being on CCTV but it does make me feel significantly safer, so I think it’s a fair-trade to make,” he said. 
It is hoped that the cameras will be installed in early 2008.

IF St. Anne were a football fan, as opposed to being the patron saint of knitting, she would surely find her college first team incredibly perplexing.
The home side demonstrated again why they have infuriated spectators this season. Their stylish victory over Brasenose. in a repeat of last year’s Cuppers final, showed that they are capable of wreaking havoc over their opponents, but they are yet to find any consistency, having lost to Christ Church in their opening game. 
Before kick off, Brasenose bemoaned the absence of six first team players, and for good reason. Immediately, St. Anne’s exploited the away side’s makeshift defence when the impressive Jacob Lloyd continued his good form by scoring his fourth goal of the season. 
Following Robbie McDonald’s whipped in corner, the striker’s flailing leg diverted the ball beyond the arms of Brasenose’s outstretched ‘keeper to make it 1-0. Rather than celebrating, Lloyd looked surprised, either because of the fortuitous nature of his touch, or by the amount of room he was given by the hapless Brasenose defence.  Immediately afterwards, Brasenose replicated this blunder- luckily for them, St. Anne’s were unable this time to toe poke it into the back of the net.
Following this second error, the Brasenose WAG contingent arrived in all their Primark glory.  Unfortunately, their presence did little to revitalise their players, who continued to struggle against the home side, particularly in aerial contests.
At the back, St. Anne’s were authoritative and organised, with Fox and Hollindale towering over the Brasenose strikers. The away side’s only opportunity of the first half came from midfielder Yeoh, whose determined run resulted in a misdirected shot which was ultimately of no concern to the keeper. By this stage, the most vocal Brasenose WAG was channelling her energies into a phone call.
If total aerial domination was not enough, St. Anne’s then proved stylish on the counter attack, stringing sixteen passes together only for midfielder Stuart Clark to shoot wide in the thirtieth minute. Nonetheless, the home side stretched their lead shortly afterwards when McDonald impressively beat his man before side footing it into the back of the net. Brasenose restarted with greater pride and vigour, competing strongly against Steve and Stuart Clark for balls in the middle of the park.  In turn, St. Anne’s became complacent, abandoning their urgency that had served them so well in the first half. 
A clumsy challenge on Yeoh offered Brasenose the chance to reduce their deficit to one goal, but the tame free kick that followed gave keeper Butler no trouble. Shortly afterwards, the visiting No. 9 penetrated the St. Anne’s defence, only to be denied by a parry from Mike Butler. Whereas Brasenose did not take these chances, the home side were alert enough to inflict further humiliation on their opponents by adding two more goals in the final fifteen minutes.
If St. Anne’s are proving to be Oxford’s Liverpool, then Ed Border has aptly been nicknamed Peter Crouch by his team mates. Like the England striker, Border has a deceptively good touch, demonstrating this to great effect by scoring the home side’s third goal.  Having received the ball with his back against the goal, the tall forward swiftly turned his defender, before comprehensively beating the ‘keeper. 
Border’s strike quashed any hope of a Brasenose comeback, with the home side resuming their dominance over visibly deflated opponents. Jacob Lloyd’s second goal of the game scored made the score 4-0, reversing the score of last year’s Cuppers final. Whilst this moment of revenge will undoubtedly satisfy St. Anne’s, the three points will matter much more if they are serious in their quest for silverware.