Term off to a bad start, as whilst diving into the porter’s lodge, bod card in teeth and skirting parents clutching fresher offspring to their chests, Pert’n’Perky (my tute partner and nemesis) leapt out from behind the pidges to flash her gleaming mega-watt smile in my face.

Still sensitive after an alcohol-fuelled party the previous night, I reeled a little.

"Darling," she cooed, her cavernous cleavage serving as a magnet to the eyes of all fresher boys in the vicinity, "How was your holiday? Oh, poor thing, you haven’t picked up a tan at all, have you! My holiday reading didn’t take too long. Zipped through the Faerie Queene in a couple of days to be honest…"

Pricked with slight pangs of guilt about the pile of books that had lain stuffed in my wardrobe all summer, I looked for a distraction and immediately found it, in golden and muscled glory.

Bounding through the entrance to the porter’s lodge, accompanied by neither luggage nor parents, a fresher male of such stunning good looks made even Pert’n’Perky lose the thread a bit.

"Um, yes… Spenser… easy really…" she murmured, as we gazed open-mouthed at this demi-god who had unexpectedly been placed among us.

"God bless gap years," I breathed, as the bronzed apparition, who surely could only have attained such a hue in a country far, far away, turned to face us.

"Hi," he grinned a melting smile, "Do either of you know the way to staircase 8?"

As I opened my mouth to answer, calamity struck.

My parents careered round the corner, triumphantly brandishing a bottle of wine and calling my name. The porter yelled, "Who else needs keys?" and the parents rushed forward, cajoling their offspring with "Come on, you’re at Oxford now, show some bloody initiative…" In a sequence that seemed to unfold in tragic, unstoppable motion, one father, with a rather too enthusiastic shove to his daughter’s shoulder, sent her cannoning towards my mother, who drew the eyes of the quad upon her with a shriek of indignation and heavily tripped off one, stiletto-shod foot, staggering into my father. With a loud oath, he let go of the bottle of red wine, sending it tumbling onto Pert’n’Perky’s foot, where it shattered in a smash of shards and crimson.

Amongst my injured tute partner’s screams, my father’s apologies, the porter’s swearing and the nudgings of the freshers, I turned to the boy who I had been certain of securing as my future spouse."Second staircase on your left," I said hoarsely, as the wails of Pert’n’Perky echoed round the quad.

More exercise, weight control, and reduced alcohol intake can significantly reduce a woman's risk of breast cancer, according to leading Oxford researcher Professor Max Parkin.New research taking place at Oxford has discovered that changing certain aspects of a woman's lifestyle can decrease her risk of breast cancer significantly. Prof Parkin believes that the number of cases can be cut by more than 5700 each year if his guidelines are followed. According to him, regular exercise could help to prevent around 1400 cases, obesity prevention would help a further 1800 cases, while avoiding HRT would save another 2100 cases. Alcohol has been a common factor in a number of studies, finding that every alcohol unit drunk daily could increase the risk of breast cancer by as much as 11 per cent.The last decade has seen the number of breast cancer and incident rates increase by more than 12 percent. Prof Parkin acknowledges that an individual's genetics plays a significant part, but warns that women should be more aware of their lifestyle choices.

From December 9th, travel time between Oxford and London will rapidly fall as commuters find themselves with a new, high-speed route.The service will come as a welcome to commuters, seeing journey times cut by 15 minutes on earlier services, and up to 50 minutes later on in the day. The knock-on benefits include increased train services between Didcot Parkway and Paddington being increased at busy times of the day.The first trains will depart at 6:03am and arrive around 7am, seating 282 people, with the number rising to 515 by February.

Oxford University's clearly got its business plan well sorted. Keen Germans have been telling the Süddeutsche Zeitung how much they've being enjoying their pointless, extortionately-priced Oxford holiday camps. At a price of £820, foreigners can spend two weeks 'studying' in a college and soaking in the surroundings. One participant, Heidi Reiss-Wellbery, shares with us that

from the moment I got off the bus in Oxford, my legs went numb

and then claims that

here people think in ways in which we never thought before.

And her beautiful room in Exeter College was apparently

part of the adventure.

And here's the clincher:

Every time I'm here, it's as though I'm on a journey into a fairy tale,

according to Ina de Mets.As long as the Europeans think like this, Oxford will keep raking it in.
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Author and local-resident Philip Pullman expressed his concern over the way Oxford was changing, warning that it threatened the unique nature of the city.Pullman raised his concerns while lending his support to campaigners protesting against plans to redevelop the Castle Mill Boatyard site in Jericho. The former boatyard site is under threat following plans put forward by Spring Residential to build blocks of flats. Speaking of the boatyard, he commented that it was sites such as these which distinguish the city; the new additions would only add to what he described as the "concrete wasteland" spreading over Oxford."The Covered Market is changing, and Cornmarket is now a street like any other High Street in the country, so it is all the more important we protect little spots like this."People need to protest and make their views heard as soon as possible. Oxford is unique and different to any other city in the world."

A new £29 million development for the Bodleian Library has been approved by Oxford City Council. The extension, at Osney Meads, will hold an estimated eight million books, or the equivalent of 20 years' worth of texts.The Bodleian struggles to cope with an addition of more than three miles of shelving a year to house the newly published texts, but the go-ahead from Oxford city's council earlier this week will provide some welcome relief.The building work is due to commence immediately and will continue until 2009.

Oxford was to be the capital of Hitler's new kingdom, according to invasion plans unearthed at the Bodleian Library, announce staff earlier this week. Documents detailing Operation Sea Lion are published this week, revealing how German researchers were employed to find out details of local road systems, geography, units of measurements, money and even translations of some Welsh words, all to be used by invading forces when they landed.According to Oana Romocea, spokesman for the Bodleian Library, "It's thought Hitler was never intent on bombing Oxford because he wanted to make it the new capital of his new kingdom."Of course, Operation Sea Lion was unsuccessful. The plan was to be put into action in 1940, but by September of that year it was abandoned, with the Nazi forces only advancing as far as the Channel Islands. The details of these plans, which were meticulously recorded, will be published in two books, entitled The German Invasion Plans and Instructions for British Servicemen in Germany, 1944. They are intended as a follow-up to the very successful Instructions for American Servicemen in Britain, 1942 and Instructions for British Servicemen in France, 1944.

Cowley Road, known for its eclectic nightlife and many student houses, is statistically the most dangerous street in Oxford. Last year, more than 900 crimes were recorded but at present, there are no CCTV cameras on the road, leaving residents and visitors vulnerable.Senior Police Officer Supt Brendan O'Dowda is currently pressuring for eight cameras to be installed on the road between Magdalen Bridge and Magdalen Road, in an effort to clamp down on crime. O'Dowda reports that more than 700 arrests were made in the city centre on the basis of CCTV network footage over the past twelve months, and that the lack of them on Cowley Road was hindering the police from doing their job:"Cameras would stop what could turn into a full-scale assault where a glass could be shoved in someone's face."In the past two years a number of serious incidents have taken place along Cowley Road – some have been detected, but many haven't."Many local businesses have their own CCTV system installed, but without it being linked up, tracing the movements of individuals becomes very difficult. Aside from helping the police to anticipate violence, CCTV footage would also help to prosecute those dangerous to the community.Opposition to the move comes from those who see the cameras as an infringement on civil liberties. The installation of eight cameras would involve roadworks, plus around £150000 expense to the local council. Moderate corners see the importance of introducing CCTV to Cowley Road, but see eight cameras as excessive.

Oxford alumnus Boris Johnson has won the election to become the Tory Candidate for next year's London Mayoral race. The popular MP won the vote by an overwhelming majority, gaining 75% of the votes.Next year the former Balliolite will face opposition from Ken Livingstone, who will be looking to start his third term in power. While the opposition have been quick to voice their doubts about Johnson's leadership potential, his supporters contend that his popularity has already raised voter awareness.

Rumour-mill Oxford Gossip was deleted earlier this week, with the URL directing viewers to The Student Rooms's Oxbridge forums.In the last fortnight the forums were unexpectedly wiped of all previous posts, but users were still able to create new entries until this week. Over the years, information from the site has helped to feed student newspapers with stories. Oxgoss created interest further afield with nationals occasionally picking up on leads.The controversial site has been subject to legal threats over the years, but of recent had suffered more so from content neglect. The site was failing to generate the same interest that it had done in previous years, with forums filling with local advertisements rather than news from regulars.The Student Rooms, or TSR, is considered a tamer alternative student forum to Oxgoss, offering prospective Oxbridge students the chance to ask questions about university life in a non-hostile environment.