An enterprising Oxford graduate has attempted to sell a
special tour of Oxford online. The person set up an online
listing on eBay, and advertised a “Day in the Life of an
Oxford student”, showing the self-named
“auctionwilliam”, clad in sub-fusc. He promised afternoon tea at the Grand Café, punting and even
access to lectures and “exclusive parts of Colleges”.
He recommended his services as being “ideal for
foreigners”. Nobody hasARCHIVE: 1st week TT 2004 

Father John Hyde of the Open Episcopal Church blessed pledges
of commitment by same sex couples on May Day.ARCHIVE: 1st week TT 2004 

Another Wadstock has eclectically rocked suitably anoraked
Wadhamites and their lucky guests. The College’s annual
music festival took place on the evening of May Day. Spontaneous
crowdsurfing, an accumulating carpet of empty beer bottles, and
(possibly related) raucous dancing were interrupted by unique
diversions such as competitive tequila croquet. Oxford’s resident non-cheese embracing community was
treated to a schizophrenic musical extravaganza. The uniformly
blondtipped, indie blandness of boyband rockers The Trend was
sandwiched between bizarre ambient sounds and exciting laptop
electronica from a lab-coated duo. As darkness and, for many, new levels of drunkenness,
descended, the musical talent emerged. Experimental collective
Confidential filled the dance floor with their funky breakbeats
and the stunning vocals of lead singer Simone. The Shimones kept
the party mood going with their covers of Franz Ferdinand’s
‘Take me out’, and the obscenely popular Busted classic
‘Year 3000’. However, Kilroy’s divaesque singer Autumn and the
band’s diverse fusion of funk, soul, jazz and samba pushed
the upbeat atmosphere up a gear; leaving the audience in
impatient expectation of next year’s offerings.ARCHIVE: 1st week TT 2004 

Oxford University delegates shone in the World Model United
Nations conference, held in Egypt this Easter. The twentyfour-
delegate, intercollegiate team debated with other students from
across the world, many from Ivy League American universities,
coming away with a stunning twelve of the prestigious Delegate
Awards, more than any other university who participated. The chairs of committees give Delegate Awards to individuals
who “propel the spirit of diplomacy”, and demonstrate
an outstanding level of debate. Eight hundred delegates took part
in the event, with Oxford delegates representing the UK, Serbia,
Turkey and Myanma. President Laura Harbidge told Cherwell she was immensely proud
of the delegation’s awards, “it was amazing we were
able to organize ourselves, gain funding, and then do so so
well.” MUN has only became popular in Oxford since 2001. It
provides a refreshing alternative from the traditional
Union-style debates. Some of the American participants were doing
MUN as part of their degree and had been specially trained. Oxford is hosting its second MUN conference in November.ARCHIVE: 1st week TT 2004 

Cambridge is set to meet a growing demand for places by
opening three new colleges. The plans, if approved of by the
local council, will expand its student numbers by over 4,000 to a
total of 20,000 students by 2025. The expansion plans came about after Cambridge received over
15,000 applications for their 3,000 places this year, up from
13,700 the year before. Over 5,000 of the rejected applicants
scored at least three A grades. Oxford received just under 12,000
applications over a similar period. The extra places created will be split evenly between
undergraduates and the more lucrative graduate and overseas
student market. The new colleges will be the first additions to
the University since Robinson College was endowed in 1979. The development is earmarked for greenbelt land in West
Cambridge and looks set to swallow up 57 hectares of university
owned farmland. Strong opposition is expected from local
environmentalists. Part of the development will involve building new low cost
housing for academic staff. This stems from fears that the high
cost of housing in the area is harming the University’s
ability to attractARCHIVE: 1st week TT 2004 

Oxford University dismissed talk of an influx of foreign
students this week, following Saturday’s admission of ten
new states to the European Union. The number of students wishing to study in the UK from one of
those states, Cyprus, doubled in 2004 to 1,458. As EU students,
they will not be eligible for maintenance grants or loans. A
spokesperson for the University, told Cherwell that, “Oxford
is not expecting a massive influx,” and praised the
diversity and tolerance of the student body. There are currently
4,600 non-UK students at Oxford, but only 106 are from the new EU
states. Foreign students are estimated to pay £31.5 billion a year in
fees, and contribute £33 billion to the economy. Although
students from the EU pay lower fees than those from elsewhere,
they are expected to cover their own living costs. As a result,
Ana Perez de Ayala, a Spanish second year Physics student,
believes “the main difficulties for foreign students are
financial ones.” The University, which claims to have “rigorous methods of
distinguishing between very able candidates”, also quashed
suggestions that they would introduce a lottery system for
oversubscribed courses. Both Leeds Metropolitan and Huddersfield
University operate the scheme for physiology, which receives
twenty applications for every place.ARCHIVE: 1st week TT 2004 

Harry’s the business Said Business
School hired a man from East London to pose as Harry Potter for
the day, brightening up luncheon at Christ Church. Tourists also
claimed to have greatly enjoyed the spectacle. Patten for President Chris Patten, the
current Chancellor of Oxford University may become the British
candidate for the presidency of the European Commission. Mr
Patten, alumnus of Balliol College, has given assurances that he
intends to continue serving in his post at the university even if
his presidential ambitions are fulfilled. By Debbie Moss. Showercam scam Following a report by
Cherwell, St John’s College has informed Police of a webcam
found in a shower in graduate accommodation. The culprit has
still not been identified, but the police enquiry is ongoing. Greenfield out Oxford Professor, Baroness
Susan Greenfield, has not been shortlisted for Fellowship of the
highly prestigious Royal Society. Her omission rekindles the
debate that she is being discriminated against because of her
comments on sexism within the scientific field, and her celebrity
status. By Harriet Mancey-Barratt. Motion squashed The controversial motion
tabled at last Friday’s OUSU Council meeting to ignore the
result of the recent referendum on higher education funding has
been withdrawn. OUSU President Helena Puig Larrauri said she was
“pleased that the council rejected the motion and remained
committed to campaigning according to the wishes of Oxford
Students.” By Alasdair Henderson. Internet Professor The University has named
Helen Margetts as its first Professor of Society and the
Internet. Margetts will begin work at the Oxford Internet
Institute and take up her Fellowship at Mansfield College in
October. By Mark Hobel Queuing for cash Wealthy businessmen seeking
flats in highly sought-after new developments across the UK are
paying students hundreds of pounds to queue for them. By Alasdair
Henderson. Lastminute accident Martha Lane Fox, Oxford
graduate and co-founder of lastminute.com, has been involved in a
serious car accident on holiday in Morocco. Her father is a
professor at New College. By Sonalini Gunasekera. Student sleeps in An impoverished American
student at New York University spent seven months living in the
library because he could not afford to pay rent. His university
has now offered him free accommodation for the remainder of the
year. By Rachel Von Simson. Odds on poetry Ladbrokes are offering odds of
5/1 on postgraduate Marcus Walker being made Oxford’s
Professor of Poetry. There are only five candidates in the
election. Walker told Cherwell he was “surprised and
flattered” but wasn’t going to be put any money on
himself. By Thomas Pursey.ARCHIVE: 1st week TT 2004 

If yet another malicious union tribunal wasn’t enough to
further disillusion the ordinary student from the pathetic
self-important joke that is Oxford student politics over the
vacation, the latest shenanigans regarding fees probably did. Not only do further childish and futile campaigns that
don’t represent the student body at large continue to go on,
but the NUS posse seems hell-bent on screwing over the economy
for the sake of 100% equality of opportunity. “No to tuition fees, no to topup fees, no to graduate
tax, yes to a non-means-tested living grant for every student in
further and higher education”: these are the wishes of
incoming president Kat Fletcher. That means yes to an escalating
surplus of unneeded graduates, yes to further depriving the
economy of essential vocationally skilled workers, and yes to
every degree student leaving with an even more worthless
qualification. The democratic result of the recent OUSU referendum, to solve
the funding crisis by decreasing student numbers, is spot on.
Restoring the value of an academic degree by making intelligence
a factor again whilst promoting ‘accessibility to all’
is surely reasonable. After all, everyone deserves the
opportunity to attend university – provided they’re
good enough, that is. That excludes a large chunk of predominantly arts students in
institutions at the lower end of the league tables. Such
candiadates are likely to be better off in the world of relevant
vocational courses or apprenticeships than becoming yet another
‘spare’ graduate. As for tuition fees, it is baffling that many who complain of
being skint spend the vacations voluntarily dossing instead of
productively earning; only to while away the term whining
constantly about their overdraft limit whilst treating themselves
to a night on the town every other day. Higher education is a privilege for those who deserve it, not
a right for all.ARCHIVE: 1st week TT 2004 

There are so many great things about this stalwart of student
alcoholism that it’s hard not to be too gushing in
one’s praise. Drinks are cheap, especially if you have a
Maxwell’s club card, which gets you cocktails for £3.95
anytime you want. Sometimes, with sufficient cajoling and
flirting, it’s possible to pick up a life membership card,
allowing you the privilege of inexpensive drunkenness for the
rest of your student career. You’ll want to chuck the card
after that, for Maxwell’s is not a place for the
over-25’s. Of course that just makes it all the better for
those of us who are still under 21. Maxwell’s is fun and funky. Entry is free before 10 pm
– or free all night with a membership card. Tip: don’t
get there too late since it’s invariably packed out.
You’ll want to get your place by the bar early (upstairs is
usually quieter than downstairs), find a friendly barman and
start ordering your cocktails. This should ensure you a good
night’s boozing. Otherwise you’ll spend most of the
night trying to order your drink rather than drinking it. That of
course is the flip side of a great bar – everyone has joined
you there. The choice on the Maxwell’s cocktail menu is
good. They do the old classics and a whole bunch of new ones too.
My absolute favourites are the Apple Bomb, Sex on the Beach and
Long Island Iced Tea. At £3.95 a pop you can certainly get
significantly merry for under twenty quid. The atmosphere in Maxwell’s is fantastic. Although it can
get a little crowded, the ceilings are high enough that it never
feels claustrophobic, and it is often possible to get a seat,
with turnover fairly high. The music is fun: contemporary chart
stuff, nothing heavy and not too loud to deafen. Maxwell’s
has the added bonus of being a restaurant and bar in one. So, if
you feel a little peckish at the end of the night, you could
splurge on their delicious chicken fajitas instead of the kebab
that normally finishes a night’s drinking.ARCHIVE: 1st week TT 2004 

In a parallel universe, the sun is shining on Oxford, and the
clever students are donning hats for a number of reasons. Not
only do hats stop those harmful rays burning your skin and act as
the ever-present disguise of the bad hair day, but they also make
you stand out in the crowd. However, to make sure the occupants
of rainy, dreary Oxford do not commit any fashion faux pas, there
are a few rules to observe. Obviously beanies and woolly hats are
out, unless you are planning an ode to Shrek the sheep, or are
looking for a greasy skater-boy style (in which case, this column
cannot help you). But, apart from that, let your hair go (under
that hat) and feel the wintry breeze. Boys: Caps are good, especially if your hair
is all tousled and mid length-ish. Caps are basically foolproof
(again exceptions to prove the rules), however, visors are not on
the agenda and never should be, whatever anyone else says. Flat
caps are also not for now. Yes they keep the sun off your face,
let the odd bits of tousled hair appear underneath, but no; they
are for winter, and last winter at that. Straw hats are
definitely appearing around Oxford, and as it is Oxfordia, these
shall be forgiven, but don’t return home (unless you live
here, in Cambridge, or Henley) with them still attached. Girls: Any hat will do but remember the
colours. No blacks, unless you are a Goth (in which case go for
it). No whites – they are impractical and reflect the light
into other peoples’ eyes, and can only make you look pasty
(unless you are tanned, in which case just be a little wary).
Make those hats work for their money; more is definitely more. Go
for colourful hats, floral hats, retro hats, but don’t make
them small. Caps look good on some girls, I am assured, but I
have not seen any yet. There are only two more important things to bear in mind about
hats this summer. Firstly, in the coming months, hats are not
simply accessories. Don’t use them just to decorate your
outfit. Use them to hide your hair by all means, but remember,
like the garden, hair is an important part of the house/temple
that is your body. Respect it, glam it up, take care of it, and
it will nurture you back. Secondly, be original. Don’t see someone with a hat and
decide you want the same. Don’t go into a shop and pick up
the obvious style that you know suits you. Be different, try a
new style, experiment. The summer is the most forgiving of
months, (look at all the tourists) so use that to your advantage.ARCHIVE: 1st week TT 2004