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When We BreakCriteriaOut Now« « «Criteria frontman Steve Pederson enthuses “Iit’s anthem rock!… Melody just comes to me.” Wwhen bands talk about melody, they can mean those haunting note-changes which make your chest shiver like the onset of a heart attack, or they can mean those big, meaty, obvious riffs that stick in your head no matter what you take.Criteria describe themselves as unashamedly in the latter camp, and proceed to unload big, muscular riffs and meaty drums, which underpin the whole album, allowing big bright staccato leads to bounce around over the top, enveloping Ppederson’s voice in a warm, fuzzy embrace.And this is the thing about Ccriteria: while they put themselves forward as a big hairy Rrock Band with big teeth and a mighty loud roar, they are really more of a cuddly teddy bear than a Lone Wwolf or King Lion. Their songs rumble and roll, speed up and down, get loud and quiet (well, sometimes), but they don’t scare you, don’t inspire awe, don’t make you want to sacrifice small animals to their almighty hugeness, the way Balls-Out Rrockers are supposed to.The record opens with a few nondescript Foo-Fighter inflected ‘anthems’, which is where one fears that Ppederson sees his talents as lying. Iin fact, it is only once out of prospective-single territory that things get interesting. The lyrics pan out a bit, and there is a protest song of sorts, Self Help, where Ppederson shouts “who protects citizens from presidents?” over a schizophrenic riff in some insane time-signature with bursts of loud-quiet guitar. Iit isn’t big or clever, but all in all it makes for a good angry rock song. Run Together is another stand-out, with neurotic lyrics and a genuinely kick-ass melody. Hhowever, the My Cchemical Rromance-feel is marred by the intro riff’s resemblance to Van Hhalen’s Ain’t Talkin’ ’Bout Love.The album comes out on Saddlecreek Records, but anyone expecting the kind of experimental, intellectual, and somewhat disturbing vein of music associated with Mr Cconor Oberst’s label will be disappointed by Ccriteria. They don’t set out to plumb the depths of the soul or soar the heights of feeling, just to rock hard like honest men. They sometimes use words like “concept”, “resurrect” or “culture of control”, but the glimmers of lyrical sophistication soon relapse into adolescent simplification.The desire to make a crowd jump up and down doesn’t leave too much room for complex emotions or ideas. This record chooses balls over brains, but there is enough of the latterto give hope for the future. One last word, however, must be reserved for the appalling quasi-ballad closer Connections, whose lyrics manage to say absolutely nothing about the relationship it describes, while the verse melody sounds (you’re not going to believe it) like one of little Ddenis Wwaterman’s write-the-theme-tune-sing-the-theme-tunes from Little Britain. Though no connection made here.ARCHIVE: 6th week MT 2005

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