Before reaching for the play button on your stereo, you would
be correct in thinking you are about to listen to an understated,
‘lets-just-give-it-ago- and-see-what-happens’ album; it
promises to last a mere 33 minutes and 35 seconds. The unoriginality of the title of The Futureheads debut album
(given its name due to “complications and some more
thinking”) shouldn’t put you off. Even the fact that
the band’s name is unashamedly “more or less
nicked” from the Flaming Lips’ album ‘ Hit to
death in the Futurehead’, has not stopped critics from
boldly suggesting that the four northern lads are set to
revolutionize the pop-punk scene. The cover is a bit of a let-down, but this album is worth
giving the benefit of the doubt to. The first bars of the opening
track ‘Le Garage’ lure you in gently, and deceptively,
since there is nothing gentle either about the rest of the track
or the remaining thirteen. Its surprisingly short length is a
cunning trick, since this tantalizing opening leaves you sitting
on the edge of your seat wanting to hear a few more snippets. The musical appeal gains momentum as you delve deeper into the
album, with energetic bursts of rock and jerky, repetitive
rhythms. The lyrics are haphazard at times, but maybe that just adds to
the punk-pop effect. This is headbashing stuff, but in a pure,
unadulterated British style. And what a style it is. This is one
debut album well worth a listen.ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2004 

A split watermelon. Ripe and bursting, its seeds spilling out
of its flesh. Women singing, talking, sifting rice. A wedding has
passed, another is coming. This is the scene that greets us at
the opening of Persian Brides. The rest of the novel is full of
similar visions, always of women and always of their pasts, their
sexuality and the limits imposed on them by society. We follow
the fortunes of Nazie, a Jewish child of eleven who wants to
marry soon and become a kuchik madar, a little mother. Then,
there are the village characters: Mamou the Whore, who was
impregnated by the king of the village demons, the regal
matriarch Miriam Hanoum, heavy and stolid Homa, the wolfish
Moussa – Nazie’s betrothed. Each is vividly described
and contributes colour to the nebulous fabric that Rabinyan
weaves. The story may seem vacuous because of its clear lack of
progression, but then, maybe that’s the point of it. The
meandering style Rabinyan uses suggests neither a beginning nor a
conclusion to the narrative of these women’s lives. We have
three densely described segments in the book: the first,
‘The Night of the Watermelon’ outlines Nazie’s
desire to become a grown woman and Flora’s pain at being
abandoned, the second focuses on Nazie’s unfortunate birth
and the third describes the journeys both women undertake to be
united with their spouses. The plot suggests a scheme of
development but Rabinyan’s characterization is such that we
have no resolution to hold on to, not just at the end, but at any
point in the novel. Her richly concocted brew of imagery and superstitions, her
language of azizams and mashallahs; the focus on representation
rather than analysis, then, is all part of an effort to ring true
to a rural and normally unrepresented voice. It is an attempt to
faithfully represent the Jewish-Persian voice Yet, I find that
the very ‘Chagallesque’ quality of Rabinyan’s
writing detracts from engagement with her characters at a
profounder level. Even if we were to read Persian Bridessolely
for the delightful escape it offers from the asphalt tint of
urban Western life, it is a rather predictable escape. Rabinyan presents us with a world in which Persian odalisques
lie wistfully, like tantalising fruit, where a certain lyricism
pervades the air. Though enchanting, it is nothing new. The world
Rabinyan creates for us is foreign not because of the strangeness
of its customs but because her characters act as if they were
forever on display, never allowing us to sympathise with them. So
while Persian Brides is an intoxicating brew, it is one that
leaves you with no hangover to remember it by. Neither does it
create any fantastic hallucinations.ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2004

If you scorn fashion and designer names, disdain the Bridge on
a Thursday night, and prefer Marks and Spenser’s to Harrods,
avoid this book like the plague. If, however, you constitute part
of Oxford’s pashmina-wearing clique, buy it, along with a
notebook, a biro and some highlighters. Bergdorf Blondes is the
first novel by Plum Sykes – Worcester College graduate and
achingly trendy BrIt-Girl in New York, where she’s a
contributing editor at American Vogue. Oh, and she earned a
whopping $600,000 advance for the book. In the last few weeks,
she has appeared in every major newspaper in Britainsome people
love her; some people don’t. Bergdorf Blondesfollows the fortunes of Moi, the narrator, as
she lives the life of a fashionista – think Sex in the City
with more haute couture – and introduces us to a world of
private jets, Harry Winston diamonds, cads, labels, labels, more
labels, Park Avenue Princesses and millionaire heiresses.
Although it looks like Sykes is writing about the life she
herself loves to lead, there is a certain amount of sarcasm in
this book. I think. Surely there aren’t women who opt for a
caesarean section so that they ‘can pick the kid’s
birth-sign.’? After a while, you are not quite certain
whether Sykes is enchanted by the Society world, or repelled. She
certainly revels in it, though. Speaking of women she sees in
photographs, Moi asks herself, “how did women cope without
Bobbi Brown bronzer and Lancome’s Juicy Tubes for lips in
twelve shades?” Although it’s fun in its way, this is very much
‘chick-lit.’ By the end of it, I felt like I’d
been on a girl’s shopping trip for way too long. Some of the
references feel a bit incongruous – Proust and Plath sit
strangely alongside conversations about Vera Wang (she’s a
designer, dahling) or the absolute shame of owning a DVD player
and DVD (it shows that you don’t go out enough). By the
closing pages, I confess Moi and her circle of friends were
wearing thin, as were the innumerable descriptions of
‘cute’ men. But hey. I aint no chick. If you want a
glitzy, quilted and shining insight into the fairytales realm of
shopping and exotic boyfriends with their own jets, where parties
are judged on the sharpness of their folded napkins, and where
wearing last season’s Manolo Blahnik stilettos is social
self-flagellation, this is for you.ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2004 

Oxford emerged from the dressing room after tea on day two in
the knowledge that their first innings had already won the match
and that there was every chance that they could defeat Cambridge
by an innings and take the bonus points on offer. Cambridge pair Harvey and James began day one at the crease
until a solid partnership of 60 was broken by Munday. On a
bowler’s wicket, time at the crease was vital and it was
apparent from the start of play that forging partnerships would
be essential. Cambridge faced an onslaught from the Oxford
bowling combination of Munday and McMahon, and in a hugely
important passage of the game on the first morning their upper
and middle order collapsed. A lot had been expected from the
Akram twins – Adnan and Arfan – at numbers three and
five, yet both succumbed to Munday. Rod Marsh, the former
Australian wicketkeeper and current ECB National Academy
Director, was in attendance with an eye on McMahon, an Oxford
Blue, and will have been impressed by his 3-26, while Munday took
5-52. Cambridge went into lunch on day one at 79-9, though when they
re-emerged Wright put on 24 runs before being caught off the
bowling of Suman with the score at 123. Knappett, the Oxford opening batsman, was caught excellently
by Harvey at 1st slip off the bowling of Wright, who was bowling
a very effective line and length that was jarring up at incoming
batsman Parker and troubling opener Selvey- Clinton. But in a
decisive period with both batsmen enduring numerous close shaves,
the Oxford batsmen settled and were able to take the upper hand.
Oxford were able to build on consecutive boundaries from
Selvey-Clinton in the 10th over, with both batsmen riding their
luck and benefiting from the occasional errant balls from Buckham
and Edwards. Though scrappy at times, particularly with Parker
being dropped in the slips, the level of skill displayed was
awesome and a 120- run partnership developed. Even when Parker looped a catch off the bowling of Wright, the
scores were level and any further runs would simply allow Oxford
to press for bonus points and, though Selvey-Clinton soon
followed Parker back to the dressing room after edging a Wright
delivery when on 69, the damage had already been done. The loss
of two wickets still left Oxford with the chance of pursuing an
innings win. Number 10 Suman doggedly put on 45 at the start of
day two, and when the innings finally came to an end, Oxford had
not only a first innings victory, but also a tidy lead of 125
runs. The consistent line and length of Wright was rewarded with
figures of 5-64, but otherwise the innings was “very
poor” in the words of Cambridge Captain Webley. Chasing a first innings deficit on such a bowler-friendly
wicket Cambridge were always destined to struggle, and the loss
of the top three before the total reached 70 runs seemed to
signify a tacit, subconscious concession of the match. The loss
of James’s wicket off the bowling of McMahon suggested a
loss of belief, and it was unsurprising that Cambridge, their
middle order failing again, found themselves at 86-6 after the
dismissals of Webley, Akram and Mason in quick succession. Even
defensive play from Kay, which saw him survive until the 55th
over, was not enough to put Cambridge in a position of strength.
Oxford went to tea knowing that maximum points were well within
grasp. Cambridge, though, responded well and in a well constructed
and patient innings, Park, in a significantly long 8th wicket
partnership of 89 with Wright, put on 70. His score at number 8
was extremely important to Cambridge, pushing them past the 175
run total required to score bonus points. The stubbornly
effective partnership saw off the remaining overs of the day and
secured some pride.ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2004 

Wednesday’s Rowing by Elaina Evans After controversy over entries and a very tough rowing-on
contest last Friday, it was a relief to see Summer Eights 2004
finally kick-off this Wednesday. The weather may have been dull,
but events were not. The big news of the day was Oriel M1’s bump on Pembroke
at the top of the first division, reclaiming (for now) the
headship lost this time last year. Oriel caught their arch-rivals
in the last ten strokes of the race, the Pembroke cox forced to
conceed when the two crews were well past the boathouses. The
question for the rest of the week is whether Oriel can keep their
heads for the next three days as Pembroke did in 2003. The rest of the division was a great spectacle for supporters
braving the brief, but intense, downpour, with most of the action
taking place in full-view of the boathouses. And, if today’s
racing was an indicator, then there is set to be much movement
throughout the top men’s crews. Down the Green Bank stretch
came a fleet of crews in close proximity, fighting through dirty
water. It was here cool-headed Magdalen, a serious threat to the
top two crews, bumped Exeter. Teddy Hall saw off Christ Church
with style, while Wadham ended their three-year stint as the
sandwich crew by catching Jesus, whose guts more than anything
got them so far along the course. In comparison, there was much less activity in the
Women’s First Division, with only three bumps occuring.
New’s performance leaves their bid for headship in doubt
– Pembroke seemed comfortable in rowing over a good few
lengths ahead of them. More determination was shown in Teddy
Hall’s effort, overbumping a knackered St Hilda’s right
in front of the boathouses, after Somerville’s bump on
Merton left them with six lengths to regain. In lower divisions, Mansfield retain a clean sheet with both
their M1 and W1 getting a bump, setting them up for blades which
have seemed to come naturally for the college in the last few
years. Women’s Division Two was klaxoned, but not before a
premature concession by Brasenose to Queens that could have been
avoided if they had simply held out a few strokes. Trinity W1
sent John’s down to the Third Division, where they face a
race ahead of a great scramble between St Anne’s, Corpus and
Jesus, who all rowed the entire course a canvas off each other. Most bumps in the Rowing-On divisions took place below the
gut, leaving spectators not much more to observe than the bizarre
attire of various crews. And so, the contests for headship and battles for blades are
set to unfold with the characteristic mix of determination and
pure luck. Hopefully the rest of the contest will equal the
excitement and surprsies of the first day. Eights Preview by Victoria Dare Eights appears to bring the fun into rowing – many a
Rugby Eight or Schools boat will use strength or revision breaks
to secure bumps. Women may have rowed in bikinis and no doubt the
occasional Viking has been spotted. Of course, in the senior divisions, things are deadly serious.
Captains have cajoled university oarsmen into their boats, though
the entry list suggests that Corpus have been unable to persuade
Sam McLennan (OUBC president) and Nick Walter (Isis) into their
boat. On the men’s side, Magdalen appear to be the crew to
watch. They beat Oriel at Bedford Regatta, and with three blues
in the stern look strong. Other potential successes are
Queen’s, who gained five bumps in four days at Torpids and
LMH. The women’s headship is again between Pembroke, Merton
and New. Pembroke had a poor Torpids, but have bounced back. The
real movement is expected below them. Somerville and Catz may
have a difficult week with fast crews, like Christ Church, within
striking distance. In division two, Oriel and Worcester, who have
pursuaded Blues Claire Bulmer and Emma Payne into their boat,
would be unlucky not to make gains. In 189 years, a few select colleges have had the honour of
finishing Head of the River. For the many though, they will want
to gain their own slice of personal glory – and a well
deserved Pimms on Saturday.ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2004 

Cuppers Tennis LMH 7 – 5 St Johns LMH’s second pair of Rob Churchill and Mark Holmquist
held their nerve in a crucial tiebreak to seal their side’s
second victory over St John’s in a week. After an intense set, in which John’s seconds Will Jessop
and Ben Coffer won through five deuces in the last game,
Churchill, reacting quickly at the net, hit two volleys to clinch
the tie-break 7-3. Churchill and Holmquist had struggled to start
against John’s first pair Matt Wain and James Gubb, who won
6-2. LMH first pair, Joyce and Rogers then pressurised Churchill
and Holmquist, leading to unforced errors from both pairs at the
net. As a result, service was broken in four games in a row
before LMH closed out the set 6- 3. Coffer and Jessop also managed to gain early initiative
against Bamford and Jackson, but were were gradually worn down.
They broke both Jackson’s service games but Bamford’s
powerful delivery held, and two double faults by Coffer at 3-4
were crucial. Wain and Gubb, meanwhile, beat Lonsdale and Dennis
6-1. Two-set matches between facing pairs followed and
John’s took a 4- 1 lead in the battle of the heavyweights.
From there, LMH were able to pull John’s out of position and
Jackson’s volleys continued to win points – they did
not hold serve often enough and it was pertinent that a double
fault ended the set at 7-5 to the visitors. With Lonsdale and Dennis winning and LMH a long way ahead on
the total number of games, the second pair’s first set was
destined to be decisive. The first game, held by LMH, lasted
eleven minutes, and was followed by four consecutive breaks.
John’s then strode into a 5-3 lead, only to find themselves
5-6 down after LMH attacked Jessop’s serve well from the
baseline. Though Coffer and Jessop took their set to 6-6, Churchill and
Holmquist saw LMH through and John’s conceded the second
set. Johns’ disappointment compounds a heavier defeat in the
two sides’ league encounter, which ended 9-3.ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2004 

Sexy football was the order of the day at the third round of
the Cuppers 5-a-side football last Thursday this round was
definitely less One Man and his Dog and more Footballer’s
Wives: physical, passionate, full of talent and with the odd
smattering of sexy soccer. Queen’s B kicked off the day’s play against Exeter A
in a corker of a match. Players fizzed around the pitch like
annoyed wasps, buzzing after the ball (or, more often than not,
after the legs of the opposition). An early Exeter free-kick was
charged down by the omnipresent Sutcliffe who bit into the tackle
and released Pearson to put Queen’s into the lead. Exeter
were being outplayed by a Queen’s side full of verve, and
although the physical Paul Coles was doing his best to keep them
in the game, Queen’s B clinched another victory in what has
been a fine tournament for them. Queen’s A were not as successful against historic rivals
Teddy Hall B. Queen’s, orchestrated by the nimble-footed
Kurosh Nikbin, dominated their ragged opponents who were indebted
to goalkeeper Julian Baker for a series of fine saves. It was no
surprise when Duncan Knox’s precise right-footed drive put
Queen’s 1-0 up in the final minute, but then Queen’s
keeper Graham Tunbridge, star of previous rounds, inadvertently
directed a hopeful flick into his own net. Servants vanquished
masters in the penalty shoot-out as Hall won 2-1. St Catz A beat Univ A in a match of minimal incident. Key
players Chris Tapp (Univ) and Chris Vaulks (St Catz) pulled off
several fine stops before Chris Bargate deservedly won the game
for Catz with a well placed leftfooted shot. Good things come to
those who wait, and those that stayed to see the final match were
in for a treat as Hertford B produced football of such stunning
simplicity and effectiveness to stun Exeter B. One-touch passing
and movement were combined with spatial awareness and confidence
in their teammates as first Scott Johnston and then Marc Rogers
put Hertford in complete control of the game. Only Exeter keeper
Olly Williams kept the score down. If they keep this form up
Hertford might be an outside bet for the final. They continue to
prove that you don’t have to be hard to be sexy.ARCHIVE: 4th week TT 2004 

Oriel students went to the polls yesterday to decide whether
or not to re-affiliate to OUSU after three years outside the
student union. Votes in May 2001 and again in June 2002 revealed the
college’s anthipathy to OUSU. Yet OUSU President, Helena
Puig Larrauri, claims that the establishment has reformed itself
and that it is therefore time for Oriel to rejoin. Disaffiliation means that Oriel students cannot make use of
OUSU club nights, the Nightbus, OUSU publications, including the
OxStu, or any of the OUSU support networks for common rooms,
officers and campaigns. Tickets to the Fresher’s Fair also
have to be bought separately. However Oriel students are still
represented on University committees and can still vote and run
for positions within OUSU. Puig Larrauri said that, “OUSU does not need Oriel from a
financial point of view, we want them back because we think they
would benefit from affiliation.” She also pointed out that
“all the other 29 JCRs have re-affiliated this year, St
Cross has joined for the first time and Exeter MCR are holding a
vote on re-affiliating soon, leaving only Oriel and St
Benet’s outside OUSU.” One Oriel student, though, explained his reservations,
“it will cost us £1300 a year, which can be better used by
us instead of paying OUSU officials to occupy the exam schools
and disrupt our studies.” However as Oriel’s Chief Returning Officer, Mohammed
Khuram, said, “Under the college’s constitution a two
thirds majority is needed for a constitutional change” . He predicted a turnout of above 80% and said that he had tried
to ensure a free and fair election with a debate between OUSU
officials and their opposition and allowing the student
union’s ‘Yes’ campaign posters.ARCHIVE: 3rd week TT 2004