Silaja Suntharalingam and Christopher Whalen meet the man behind Oxford’s bid to become the 2008 European Capital of Culture “I’ve never had an aspiration to strive for second best. I believe in going to win and I believe in trying to be best.” Were we listening in on grand plans of world domination or the aspirations of the next Olympic gold medallist? No, this was simply PR babble from our man from the council, Joe Simpson. Oxford’s coordinator of the bid to become European Capital of Culture 2008 shared his vision with Cherwell. “It’s about putting invention and innovation centre stage,” says Simpson who sees the strength of Oxford’s bid as coming from its people, rather than its architecture. He says the city inspires “every generation that comes through the place to make a difference.” Unlike the offers required to get into the prestigious university, 3Bs are good enough for Simpson – Books, Business and Bioscience. The bid will focus on Oxford’s cultural lead in these three spheres. “Find me a Booker Prize shortlist that doesn’t have an Oxford author on it. Compare this with south Tyneside: its Catherine Cookson country. That’s the one literary talent that south Tyneside has produced.” He goes on, “If, forty years ago, you said that this university would be at the centre of business creativity, people would have laughed at you.” Now the joke is on the cynics. In terms of bioscience, Simpson points out that the University has nurtured “thirty millionaires courtesy of the spin-offs in science” – a vast improvement on the situation twenty years ago. This is why “Oxford is a jewel that is worth celebrating.” Simpson sees this accolade as a recognition of existing cultural prowess, rather than an excuse for “ghastly” urban regeneration, such as that promised by rival bidder Newcastle-Gateshead. On this criterion alone, he believes Oxford can swipe the prize from under the noses of other competitors. Speaking of this opposition, he says, “Consider it from the position of the consumer: what would you like to do? Would you like to go and see something that is excellent, or would you like to see something that is a bit third-rate? Imagine the first people you are going to tell this decision to. I just find it unbelievable that Blair would say to Chirac, ‘It’s Bradford”. Not happy to sit back and let the dreaming spires alone wow the judges, Mr Simpson hopes to use the lead up to the bid to add a fresh slant to the city’s existing culture. Simpson cited the example of the Saïd Business School – where he chose to launch the bid – to explain his philosophy. He hopes to make Oxford reassess its “not always inclusive environment”, symbolised by its introspective quadrangles, towards a more all-embracing, outward-looking atmosphere such as that conveyed by the Saïd’s glass frontage. Whilst Britain’s cynical media would argue that Oxford will never escape its enclosed world of fantasy, Mr Simpson sees it as a simple process based around the question of access. By starting a “park and glide” system using the city’s waterways, he seeks to capitalize on the hitherto under-developed east and west sides beyond the tourist trapping trinity of the High Street, St Aldate’s and Broad Street. In theory, his vision for the city is rather attractive. In practice, the plans do not hold much water. The “dirty back yard” of the west side beyond the station could, apparently, with sensitive treatment become the “jewel” of the city. With these plans, Simpson would seem to be contradicting his own views, suggesting that instead of celebrating and enhancing the already well developed cultural centre of the city, tourists should instead be ferried towards its periphery. Will the appeal of a poor imitation mini-Venice stay afloat? In many ways, development of the east and west sides is the only way in which Oxford can progress culturally without opposition. Yet after his first-hand experience with the doomed Millennium project, Mr Simpson stresses that Oxford will not be putting all its jewels in one casket with this bid. “What we are talking about are some new uses and enhancements for the buildings. This is a project which is predicated around celebrating creativity, not celebrating building construction.” Improving the access to and use of the existing architectural gems would be greeted with open arms by both locals and tourists. Yet his vague unwillingness to discuss specific strategies suggests that these aspirations will merely remain a twinkling in Mr Simpson’s eye. “Imagine”, “Inspire” and “Innovate”: not the names of Calvin Klein’s latest range of fragrances, but the hollow keywords around which the bid is focused. Grounding these vague ideas in reality before they float past the dreaming spires themselves will be Simpson’s hardest task. If Oxford is marketed with these household labels, the city’s magical mystique, which Simpson hopes to capture, will be dispelled. It seems that Simpson’s imagination may have taken a step too far when he dreamily invited us to “Come and join us on the journey!” It would have been as hard for us to leave our cosy tearooms as it will be for Oxford to change its deep-rooted outlooks. If Simpson’s hot air balloon ever gets off the ground, it will only too soon be burst by Oxford’s stubborn spires. ARCHIVE: 1st Week MT2003

James Kettle’s imaginary friends “Scaramouche, scaramouche, can you do the fandango” are words we don’t hear enough of in this fair city. Everyone’s looking for the next big thing to fill that special slot. This week Imaginary Friends brings you an exclusive interview with the best new band in Oxford. Move over NME, we’re really excited! There’s a brand new sound coming up off the streets. The hard-hit, ugly streets of urban desolation. The streets where the poor are crying in needle-ridden pits of despair. The streets where people just can’t take it anymore. Holywell Street, for example. This is the sound of Oxford. This is the sound of Felchspoon. Lead singer Gerald Niggaz is straight outta Winchester. He don’t make onstage announcements, cos it aint real. And cos he has a high voice. He is the mind behind Felchspoon – the genius, the philosopher. “I thought of the name,” he explains. “What are any of us except felch on a spoon?” I don’t know. Pubes? “The pubes are the music, man.” Felchspoon were formed out of red-hot rage. Niggaz tells the story. “One day my scout just didn’t come. There were tissues stuck to my wall and everything. I thought, ‘I’m mad as hell, and I can’t take it anymore!’” He planned a musical revolution. First to be recruited was guitarist Dr X. Dr X was born in St Albans. In his own words, “four chords is fascism.” Next to join was Martin Violence on the bass. He is a bit dangerous, and went to state school. Drummer Nick is a bit more reticent, and divides his time between Felchspoon and working on the college Ball Committee. The musical vision is uncompromising, says Niggaz. “We write all our own songs. We’re heavily inspired by The Jam. We’re very inspired by In The City. Well, we’re very inspired by the riff to In The City.” Songs on the Felchspoon playlist currently include “Formal Hall No!”, “(I Don’t Want To Pay My) Battels” and “I Haven’t Got a Laptop”. The gigs are going down a storm. The band’s debut performance (behind the pool-table in Trinity JCR) was cut short amidst angry scenes. “They couldn’t take the truth, and they were annoyed we interrupted a Spanish League game on the telly,” says Niggaz. “Real Zaragoza, man. They are our enemies.” Later gigs included an OUSU Battle of the Bands qualifier (retired hurt) and a residency at the Morecambe Conservative Club. “My dad is the Social Secretary,” explains Dr X. “We can drink two pints each a night for free. It is a war,” he adds helpfully. Big plans are afoot for the festival season. Felchspoon plan to be the first band to play live in a punt. “The electrics are a problem,” says Niggaz. “We will of course only be using renewable sources of energy. Like turds, perhaps. Or cycling.” Do you get much interest from groupies? Gerald Niggaz is determined to stick to his principles. “Sex is a tool. As indeed am I,” he tells us. “Anyway, Martin Violence is a bit shy. I’m not though. I could have loads of girls if I could be bothered. But I have two essays a week sometimes, and I have to think about the music.” The record labels have been a bit slow in rushing to sign Felchspoon. However, it looks as though debut single “Cash My Own Allowance (Bitch)” may soon be issued on indie imprint Vole Records. “Vole are really good,” explains Niggaz. “They offer a very good rate of royalty, and full artistic independence and stuff. The only downside is that we to have push the holes in all the records ourselves, using a tiny and special pin.” The Spoon – they keep it real.ARCHIVE: 1st Week MT2003 

Hertford record large victory over Lincoln in coppers first round
There is something peaceful about cricket. The game leaves one predisposed to thought, to introspection. As I rushed to Lincoln’s ground, late and hung over, I reflected on my need for a soothing game, a gentle afternoon in the sun, lulled by the sound of willow and leather, accompanied by the tranquil chanting of the birds. My wish was not to be fulfilled.
This match, played under a sky that was brooding and malevolent, painted perhaps by Turner in one of his darker moments, was an important contest, for the winner would move into the second round of the Cuppers competition. The pitch, slick from the previous nights rain, looked ominous for batsmen and fielders, the ball skidding wickedly off the surface and picking up speed as it bounced. Hertford took to the crease first. A gritty, Boycott–esque seventeen from reliable opener Chico Fernandez ensured that the Lincoln bowlers did not make the most of the favourable conditions.
This innings was a tale of two batsmen, however, who, like the Colossus of Rhodes, towered over the game, casting their shadows firmly upon it. First was Amit Upadhyay, who seemed to pick holes in the Lincoln outfield at will. His elegant stroke–play contained every conceivable weapon. He played with power and guile, the bat appearing almost malleable in his hands as he guided the ball around the ground.
Accompanying him was the Hertford captain, Robbie Walker, whose performance was more brutal but equally effective. He struck the ball with ferocity, tearing into the Lincoln attack with relish. His favoured shot, a vicious flick of the wrists off the pads, proved fruitful on numerous occasions.
With Walker and Upadhyay scoring 89 and 109 respectively, with the former not out, Hertford completed their allotted forty overs with a commanding 245–3. Although they would not have admitted it, they must have allowed themselves indulgent thoughts of an easy victory. These thoughts can only have been reaffirmed when Hertford took their first wicket of the day within the first four overs of Lincoln’s innings. They were not to have it all their own way though, and Lincoln’s number three batsman, Pranay Sanklecha, proved a doughty opponent.
He began circumspectly, prodding tentatively at the few balls he faced. Having played himself in, however, he began to turn what had been a one–sided game into a real contest. When Sanklecha set out to hit, his timing was impeccable. He took risks, frequently sending the ball soaring into the black clouds, but the Hertford fielders failed to capitalize on the opportunities presented.
As he hit boundary after boundary, his fellow batsman, Douglas, gathered confidence, and by the time the latter was removed after offering an easy catch to a grateful and relieved fielder, they had cultivated a useful partnership of 42.
With his accomplice now seated in the pavilion, Sanklecha took it upon himself to pull Lincoln back into the match. He became yet more audacious in his shot–making – reckless, some might say – but his power often helped him to safety. Indeed, a mighty six from his bat cleared the ground, smashing the greenhouse of a nearby resident. The furious homeowner remonstrated with the players, demanding that the game be abandoned, but the two captains refused to bow to the pressure. Thus we continued apace.
When Sanklecha was eventually dismissed for a flamboyant 58, his fury and disappointment was evident, though the manner of his departure from the game was perhaps easily foreseeable, as one of the many high balls that flew from his bat was taken athletically by Hertford fielder, Christian Bailey.ARCHIVE: 1st Week MT2003 

Thanks to truly top–class performances from Tom Hicks and Huw Jones Oxford crushed a good St. Mary’s side that ran them close last year. The pitch was low and slow but St. Mary’s got off the mark well in the first two overs, driving sweetly and clipping off the pads solidly. Alan Gofton and Toby Sharpe tidied up their act and the runs soon dried up: when the fielding restrictions were lifted, they were only on 33, barely over two an over. Then Tom Hicks reeled off his 10 overs unchanged, first taking an energetic caught and bowled off a mistimed slog-sweep, later a fanatastic hard-hit low chance back to him. Giving the batsmen nothing hittable, he did not conceed a boundary, and finished with 10–2–17–3 after dismissing their number 5 for 0 lbw. The slow scoring of St. Mary’s was partially due to their chunky opener James Watson, who typified all that could go wrong with limited overs cricket. He did not hit out during the first fifteen, instead choosing to play himself in, then did not accelerate the scoring, did not scamper cheeky singles, but simply waited for his own runs to come and be given to him. This abhorrent self-aggrandisement led Watson to 56 and he did not look like he was even playing for his team, with more inward reflection than happy celebration when getting to his fifty. Upon his fall the lower order enlivened matters, running well between the wickets and taking the OUCCE bowlers on. The graceful reverse sweep by Surrey–contracted Tim Murtagh off ex-colleague Joe Porter typified this rally and left Oxford 155 to win. St. Mary’s openers Robbie Joseph, a Kent 2nds player, and Murtagh were hostile and aggressive and it was a very good contest against Joe Sayers and Huw Jones. There were runs to be had from the wicket though, and when Jones lofted Murtagh over extra cover in the eighth over, the tension was released. The pair banished the memories of last week’s failed century stand with an enjoyable 120 partnership, as Sayers hit the ball crisply square of the wicket and Jones was good in the “v” between extra cover and midwicket. The other St. Mary’s bowlers lacked penetration, struggled for a rhythm and were not consistent enough to trouble the dark blues. Dalrymple finished matters with 20 of 21 balls while there was more than a hour to play. Some of the early season promise is now coming through, which can only be a good thing going into the county match, in 3rd week against Gloucestershire, the last first–class game before the 4-day Varsity match scheduled for the end of June.ARCHIVE: 1st Week MT2003 

On the rebound from Varsity defeat, Dan James and Hertford soar to new heights Early on Saturday morning is perhaps the least likely time at which one might find a group of Oxford students bouncing up and down (with vomit-inducing abandon) of their own free will, yet this week Iffley Road played host to such a spectacle under the auspices of the trampolining Cuppers tournament. With the much vaunted panel of judges failing to show up, tournament organiser Lucy Raw was forced to assemble a motley crew whose lack of knowledge of the sport belied the commitment of the partcipants. Their inexperience was demonstrated in their setting a new record for the highest standard deviation of form marks in any trampolining competition in history. The event was split into three categories, novice, intermediate and advanced. Each group, in theory, had to perform a routine of ten moves, although, with the judges’ unfamiliarity with the rules apparently matched by many of the competitors, the number of skills performed by each competitor varied significantly. Yet the participants in each category showed considerable aptitude. In the novice section, Hertford’s welsh wonder Ellie La Trobe Bateman scored some of the best marks of the day to win by a clear four points from Oriel’s Felicity Bulmer. Keble’s James Kenny came third, his bitterness evident in shouting “Dan’s biased” when Herford captain Dan James awarded high marks to La Trobe. Kenny’s own college colleague Sarah Davis and St Hilda’s Jamie Brown finished fourth and fifth and a hard-fought contest. The intermediate contest was perhaps less hard fought, with the judges awarding the first three competitors 0.0, and Ben Arnold resorting to copying exactly the moves of Wadham’s Natasha Brereton, even falling on his arse at precisely the same juncture. Almost by default, veterans Kath Edward of Oriel and Alex Rowley of St.Annes won the section, with Sarah Day in third. In the advanced category, despite Univ’s Alex McAleenan’s attempts to impress the judges in her lycra, her efforts were only good enough for third place behind Wadham’s Elaine Bettaney [who scored her own personal best] and the winner, Hertford’s Dan James. The dimunitive James earned a truly massive points total, 59.2, finishing six points clear of Bettaney. Another Hertfordian, Emily Kemp displayed the athleticism familiar to fans of women’s volleyball [surely almost every man in the university] to finish fourth with 47.7 points, although the Essex girl thought she needed to do nine moves instead of ten. So Hertford claimed the trophy, taking it back to Catte Street where it will be lodged in the trophy cabinet alongside the fourth division rugby title they claimed last term and the third place pennant they won in shove ha’penny in 1956. Whether it was La Trobe’s poise, James’s good looks or Kempo’s east end contacts which decided the outcome, no-one can be sure. Yet, ultimately, trampolining was the winner, and the organisers can expect a higher turnout next year.ARCHIVE: 1st Week MT2003 

Runaway hostage braves media storm to start term at TrinityMatthew Scott, the student who so dramatically escaped from kidnappers in the Columbian jungle last month, came up to Oxford yesterday to start his degree. The engineering student arrived at Trinity College as planned, despite having returned to the UK only a fortnight ago. Scott was taken hostage by a Columbian terrorist group while trekking to the remote Lost City ruins in the Sierra Nevada mountains on 12th September. After two days of marching with seven others at gunpoint, Scott made his escape in low visibility caused by rainfall, “I saw a chance and ran. I heard the river on the right and I followed the sound. The sides were very steep. I jumped over the edge very quickly. I was lucky not to break my arms or legs.” Scott trekked alone without any food for 12 days to escape from his captors and was picked up by indigenous people from the local area, “The tribe that found me gave me soup and beans with a little salt and three oranges.” When found, he was flown by helicopter to a military base at Santa Marta in the Caribbean. Despite speculation that he might postpone starting university, Scott explained that his plans would be unaffected by the horrifying ordeal, saying “I’m going to be just fine. Life is looking pretty good.” Although he is still in pain due to trench foot contracted during his 12-day jungle nightmare, Scott’s sense of humour does not seem to have suffered. He told Cherwell, “I am looking forward to Freshers’ Week. I took some trouble to make it.” James Scott, Matthew’s father, said: “Matthew is a very lucky boy. We thought he might be dead. We did not know whether he was alive or being tortured. We are absolutely thrilled. It was a very risky escape.” The College president, Sir Michael Beloff QC, expressed relief at Scott’s safe return to the UK, praising his “initiative and determination”. On his return, Scott’s picture was featured on the front page of nearly every national newspaper. After arriving to a frenzied press conference at Heathrow, Scott spent the days before coming up in negotiation with the press over coverage of his story, courting five-figure sums. Cherwell can confirm that Scott’s own story of events is to be published in the Daily Telegraph and is expected to appear within the next few days. He was understandably reluctant to speak in detail about his experience, saying “For the moment I have to consider that some of the information I hold is still sensitive and the situation is very tense. I am worried about the safety of the other seven hostages. Any publicity that this story attracts could damage their position.”ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

Race row don may face dismissal A professor’s job hangs in the balance after an investigation into his rejection of a student solely on grounds of race. Andrew Wilkie, Nuffield professor of Pathology and a fellow of Pembroke College, refused to consider 26-year-old Amit Duvshani for a PhD because he is Israeli. It will be announced shortly whether the professor is to be dismissed. In an email sent in June to the student he said “I am sure you are perfectly nice at a personal level, but no way would I take on somebody who had served in the Israeli army.” The decision has shocked the academic community and appalled Duvshani, a student at Tel Aviv University, who has completed a compulsory three years army service and was looking to study at Oxford for his PhD thesis in molecular biology. Dr. Eugene Rogan, director of the Middle East Centre at St. Antony’s College said it was a “gross violation of admissions policies.” He added that academics should never “vet students by their nationality.” Wilkie has issued a full apology but following a preliminary hearing in July, Vice Chancellor Sir Colin Lucas decided that an investigation was necessary. Wilkie, who was appointed in May of this year, has been banned from future selection decisions. As the university is unable to discipline staff, a visitatorial board is being summoned. Wilkie’s actions follow calls from several prominent Oxford scientists for a boycott of Israeli academics. The unofficial boycott originated in April 2002 from an open letter published in The Guardian from scientists including Professor Richard Dawkins and Professor Colin Blakemore from Oxford. The letter states that there are “ways of exerting pressure from within Europe” against the “violent repression against the Palestinian people,” and calls for European agencies to cease funding Israeli scientists. Wilkie said that he had “a huge problem with the way that Israelis take the moral high ground from their appalling treatment in the Holocaust” and has strongly criticised their “human rights violations”.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003 

New balls pleaseA St. Anne’s fresher reduced his chances of achieving fatherhood during an animated game of pool. Following the first few pints in the college bar, his inebriated antics resulted with a painful groin injury. Although showing both pain and embarrasment following the event, one female witness told Cherwell “he has certainly made an impression – at least he’s got something large enough down there to complain about”.ARCHIVE: 0th Week MT2003