Thursday 17th July 2025
Blog Page 268

Rubbish representation in schools, syllabuses and beyond

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CW: mentions of racism and sexism

In A-level English Literature, we didn’t study any texts by women. There were plenty of texts about women – from Thomas Hardy’s excruciating late Victorian fetishization of rural female poverty in Tess of the d’Urbervilles to Henrik Ibsen’s problematic portrayal of middle-class women’s agency in A Doll’s House, by a self-proclaimed non-feminist. But, of course, actually getting women’s own perspectives on womanhood, especially deep into *the past* (before the 20th century), would be a step too far. Canonical men have clearly said it better. It was the same depressing story with regards to race. We studied one novel by a writer of colour, Khaled Hosseini’s brilliant and heartbreaking The Kite Runner. Yet the text we studied which was lauded for its ‘breakthrough’ and ‘bold’ discussions of race was Shakespeare’s Othello. Shakespeare, who was not a person of colour. Ibsen and Hardy, who were relatively privileged men.

If this is the representation we’re getting at A-level, among students who’ve chosen to keep studying literature, what hope is there for the often even more constrained curriculum at GCSE? Not much, it turns out. A recent survey commissioned by Penguin Books found that a shocking 0.7% of English Literature GCSE students in England study a book by a writer of colour, and only 7% study a book by a woman. In 2021, only 0.1% of students answered a GCSE question on the only novel by a woman of colour on the AQA exam syllabus, Meera Syal’s Anita and Me. This is despite the fact that in 2021, 34.4% of school age children identified as Black, Asian and minority ethnic, and around half of the UK population identified as women.  

Literature is a beautifully powerful combination of self-expression, identification and coming of age. Despite often being badly taught, dismissed, or, as this government is keen on, underfunded, the consequence of English Literature being taught to pretty much everyone until the age of 16 is that we all spend a lot of time with the writers on the curriculum. Although Shakespeare’s plays are wonderful, teaching them as a discussion of race is often a cop out to get teenagers thinking about the incredibly important and personal issues of race and gender, when they are raised at all, through the stale works of the same white male southern faces. Why should and why will students be enthused by Dickens and Byron, when their perspectives are often so different from their own? Must we list ‘greats’ from various genres – Renaissance, Romantic, Gothic, modern – that students simply must study before we even begin to examine where the exclusionary category of ‘great’ even came from?  

Among the many depressing tenets of this tale is where it’s being dictated from. Michael Gove, UK Education Secretary from 2010 to 2014, reportedly disliked American literature– so there went To Kill a Mockingbird from the syllabus. Although we can do better than getting 15 year olds to read a somewhat problematic look at race in the segregated Deep South by a white woman, every older friend and sibling I know who studied the novel back before the new GCSEs noted its profound effect on them, and it’s definitely worth reading and discussing, rather than axing. More disturbingly, Govean reforms (which were even influenced by Dominic Cummings, for a time) also removed all ‘seminal world literature’ from GCSEs, just so Gove’s personal vendetta against American writers wasn’t the only national literature that students were missing out on. Anyone who has also studied History at school since the Coalition can equally enjoy upped compulsory British History, an approach which will set you up well for Oxford, which is swarming with British History and not much else. I’ve heard some awful stories from my friends who study English here about the scarcity of set and encouraged texts by women and people of colour, although experiences seem to differ from tutor to tutor. 

But it’s not good enough to leave it to often privileged tutors, canon-compilers and Education Secretaries to dictate which texts we study. Time and time again, they have failed to achieve even the remotest degree of representation, a damning outcome in a subject which is so linked to identity and the self. The texts we study at school and beyond should be chosen and shaped by the diverse populations reading them.

‘A wildly enjoyable ride’ – Review: The Importance of Being Nihilists

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Two pianos fall on two men. A surreal and captivating murder mystery unfolds, ably written and directed by Anna Stephen. 

As the Victorian cast of The Importance of Being Nihilists attempts to determine motive and murderer (the means is clear from the beginning), we follow Desmond Beret (Alex Still), a melodramatic, upper-class art dealer often accompanied by his butler (and secret lover) Wilfred Winman (Jack Klein). Along the way, we watch as Desmond’s sister Daphne (Téa Chatila) pines after Laurie Frith (Lucas Ipkendanz), a mysterious and aloof psychiatrist. Rounding out the cast are Lady Amethyst, mother of the Berets and Miss Holypoly (both played by Flora Symington), Strawberry John and Reverend Dev Votion (both played by Adam Najmudin Hall), incredibly named student Eppie Gramme (Esme Rhodes), and Cyril Disorder (Murray Whittaker), a victim of the violent cacophony that opens the play. 

The cast handled their respective roles deftly. Chatila was great as Daphne, buth excellent as her own mother, Lady Amethyst in disguise. Symington did precise work in her dual roles, and I nearly left convinced that I had watched two different actors. Adam Najmudin Hall was well-cast as the reverend, and his cool, laid-back presence on stage was quietly hilarious (perfectly accessorised by his round, slightly-too-small sunglasses), though I found his style of speech hard to pin down, an impediment that shifted between rhotacism and a lisp. I assumed it was to differentiate between the two characters he was playing, but I was never quite sure. For me, the clear standout here was Alex Still, who was deliciously charismatic as Desmond Beret. Cleanly navigating the pit-fall hammy farce, Still wore his mask quite phenomenally. His comic timing and delivery were both fantastic. Most impressive, though, was his clear commitment and attention to detail in his work. I often find that an actor’s hands can often be a tool for the undoing of a performance: they either fidget nervously or seem a little too controlled, a little too acted. Still inhabited his character entirely, executing a sheen of effortlessness through micro-gesticulation and small movements. He is an actor in total command of his performance.

Underneath these great performances, though, Stephen’s script, at once timeless and clearly specific, radiated through. In form, it is clearly Victorian, but with modern sensibilities. It was woven through musings on nihilism and the artificiality of character and personality – difficult subjects by any stretch. There was a constant, dizzying complexity to her words, and characters speak frequently in metaphor and circumlocution, but Stephen is always in control, and there was a definite musicality here. She managed, either consciously or instinctively, to create a rhythm so compelling that you sometimes forgot what exactly was being said. Her skill with language really is extraordinary, and on full display throughout the play’s duration. Some credit must again go to the actors here, who tackled Stephen’s tongue-twisting wordsmithery with barely a slip-up.

Visual and textual gags throughout reinforce Stephen and her crew’s deft hand in writing and direction. One visual gag of Cyril’s full name as written on his casket — Cyril ‘Anwir’ Disorder — I found particularly hysterical. I wasn’t sure about the many repeated uses of self-reflexive humour, but I did like when the dual-role actors went “Blast, I have to go off”, when their other character had to enter the scene. Another highlight was Still leaning on the fourth wall, as Desmond Beret cheekily fiddled with a piece of tape left loosely hanging on an overhead wooden beam (this may have been improvised, but I enjoyed it nonetheless).

I also appreciated the play’s stagecraft, especially on a small and limited set. The single door at the back of the stage was well used, with characters entering and exiting from both directions, which, combined with lighting, smartly communicated changes in scenery. 

Unfortunately, the play’s energy dipped suddenly in the final act: sometimes the plot felt unnavigable and relationships felt unclear, hindered by impersonations and suddenly revealed identical twins. The play constructs a comedy of errors, building to a climax as deceptions are untangled and lies are uncovered and then it…resolves? We learn by the end that Cyril is not actually dead, but that the victim was Strawberry John, a character who looks like the Reverend, both in cast and plot. We learn that Laurie Frith also has an evil twin, whose actions were confusing. There was also a conspiracy about pianos which might have been important. I left unsure about how it all connected. 

All of that said, obviously we’re supposed to be confused, as reassured by Desmond Beret’s own confusion. The pointlessness Beret conveys serves to reiterate the Nihilistic overtones of the play. The spirit of The Importance of Being Earnest is certainly there in character, setting, and tone, but it’s been made sadder and absurdist (in addition to the original absurdity): in short, adapted to our modern era. The characters Desmond Beret, Eppie Gramme, Rev Dev Votion fulfil the fates given to them by their names. Just as in the final act of Oscar Wilde’s play, Nihilists concluded with contrivance upon contrivance. An evil twin? Strawberry John all along? Who is Strawberry John, anyway? The play isn’t faultless, but is a wildly enjoyable ride: intelligent, funny, and a bravura showcase of exciting literary talent.

But we’re supposed to be confused, as Desmond Beret’s own confusion reassures us. The pointlessness Beret conveys serves to reiterate the Nihilistic overtones of the play. The spirit of The Importance of Being Earnest is certainly there in character, setting, and tone, but it’s adapted for the modern era: which is to say, sadder and more absurd. We’re left with a simple truth: not everything has a deeper answer, and perhaps we shouldn’t be looking for one.

Image credit: Hetty Nicholls

Observing Oxford: Temple Lounge / Jamal’s

There must be something about slightly seedy Indian restaurants that lend themselves to niche Oxford traditions. Walking into Jamal’s or Temple Lounge on a Wednesday night is like walking into an alternate universe where it is completely acceptable (and expected) to be unapologetically ‘Oxford Rah’ and have no shame.

I seem to have found myself on a number of crewdates in the last year and a half despite not playing any sports, and they can all only be described as an ‘experience’, for better or for worse. The paradox of crewdates is that at the time, drinking out of shoes, hiding under tables, and watching someone eat a samosa out of their arse-crack seem not raise an eyebrow – yet imagine going for dinner at Pho, only to watch someone give their college wife a lap dance.

Another fundamental question is why are they only ever held at Indian restaurants? And why do we get served food which no one eats bar maybe the bread and hummus when someone inevitably gets too drunk? Crewdates don’t lend themselves to a deep and structured analysis of oxford social politics, however, the relationship between privileged students paying to drink and cause havoc in independent institutions trying to stay in business can only leave something to be desired and is slightly unsettling. 

Crewdates are one of the best forms of organised fun that Oxford has to offer. They are an excuse to go out and play silly little boys’ games whilst laughing at others being embarrassed by their friends. Sconces are intended to be embarrassing yet they often border on being weird flexes. The feeling of your eyes rolling back into your head when someone smugly stands and jeers for being called out for doing bits in the biology section of the library is a fundamental emotion that you should expect to experience at least once during the evening. 

The overbearing smell of chicken wings, oily curry that only the brace would touch, and an eclectic mix of different types of bread is what makes Temple Lounge feel like home. Although, crewdates are often hit or miss. Sometimes the perfect storm of a bottle of wine, excessive gluten and the promise of meeting new people doesn’t surpass expectation as the sports teams don’t gel. For example, upon attending a crewdate with the Blues rowing team I found myself sat next to someone who was A) old, and B) unbearable. Failing to ask me my name, college, sport (which I didn’t play), or even degree, he proceeded to explain how crewdates worked to me in very slow simple English as if I had just learned to talk. When I asked him how many crewdates he’d been on he said it was his first one. At the end of the same crewdate, another drunken rower rose from his seat to ask ‘Jamal’ (obviously, not his actual name) if we could stay for another twenty minutes. Unsurprisingly, he said no. 

Despite the controversy, there is something that makes you feel patriotic towards Oxford at a crewdate. Maybe there’s something in the curry, or maybe it’s the solidarity of knowing that at the end of the day everyone has done deeply embarrassing things, just some more than others. There is also comfort in the fact that no one is likely to remember in the morning, and everyone is far too busy thinking about their own reputation to care about anyone else. 

Perhaps I can only speak for myself, but in my entire time as a student here I have never remembered leaving either Jamal’s or Temple Lounge. I just seem to apparate to Park End with no memory of the queue and often no memory of my time there. There is nothing quite like the feeling of hangxiety on a Thursday morning, running to a tutorial bleary eyed and thinking about the consequences of your behaviour from the night before or dying from embarrassment. Despite their contention, crewdates are a fundamental part of the Oxford experience whether you like them or not. They seem to be going nowhere so you might as well lean into the chaos of alcohol fuelled organised fun for a couple of hours on a Wednesday night. 

Douze points: Looking ahead to Turin 2022

Now that we’re in March, the 2022 contest is only a couple of months away, and we’re really starting to get an idea of what this year’s edition is going to look like. So – who’s sitting in a strong position going into Turin? 

Currently, the defining story of the 2022 contest is the rightful exclusion of the Russian broadcaster, meaning there will be no Russian entry this year. This is just the latest example of how wider political developments so often find themselves overlapping with the contest. From a purely Eurovision point of view, this exclusion of Russia is likely to have a significant impact on the contest: the Russian act has placed inside the top 10 seven times in the last ten years. Whilst there could only be speculation as to who the Russian act would’ve been, it’s likely they would have been a strong contender and one who would have continued this trend.

It’s now time to look at the position some of the other strongest countries at Eurovision are finding themselves in. For the sake of clarity, the positions in the odds of these countries are what were being reported by Eurovision World in the afternoon of the 28th February.

The current two favourites to win are Italy and Ukraine – the two countries, incidentally, who were the top two choices of the televote last year. Ukraine’s Kalush Orchestra combines traditional folklore and hip-hop in their song ‘Stefania’, and whilst I am not sure how the typically conservative juries will vote, I can already see this high-energy performance being one of the public’s favourites. Italy, meanwhile, are taking a different direction than last year. They’re sending a beautiful ballad (‘Brividi’) performed by Mahmood and Blanco. Eurovision fans will recognise Mahmood, as he placed 2nd in the 2019 contest. Could he go one better this year and take home the trophy? I wouldn’t be surprised, nor disappointed, in a second consecutive Italian win. The song is stunning and the chemistry between the two singers is really what helps to make it. With the right staging, the contest could be staying in Italy for yet another year.

Whilst we currently do not have a confirmed Swedish act, the famous Melodifestivalen is coming to an end, and there is seeming confidence in the Swedish selection as they sit in third place to win. Cornelia Jakobs, with her song ‘Hold Me Closer’, is looking like the frontrunner and this would be the correct choice for Sweden to make. Over recent years there has been some criticism from fans that Sweden has a habit of sending well-produced and polished songs, but ones lacking in authenticity. Jakobs doesn’t fall into this category, as there is something distinctly raw and real about her performance, and she could give Sweden its best chance at securing a record-equally seventh victory.

There are a couple of very strong ballads from both Poland and Australia that are looking like contenders for the top spot. Representing Poland with the song ‘River’ is Krystian Ochman, whilst Australia is sending Sheldon Riley with ‘Not the Same’. Whilst both are very strong songs with incredible supporters, for me, the Australian act is the stronger one. It has better staging (the national final staging of ‘River’ really needs to be changed before Turin, it doesn’t quite convey the powerful emotions of the song). Furthermore, I think Riley’s performance could give us one of those rare ‘moments’ at Eurovision, just like Tamara Todevska’s jury-winning performance of ‘Proud’ in 2019.

It should come as no surprise following Måneskin’s victory and international success, there are currently two rock acts in the line up, and I would expect these numbers to grow. Finland is once again sending a rock band in the form of The Rasmus, which seems fitting considering Finland seems to achieve its best results recently when sending a band. Whilst ‘Jezebel’ isn’t the strongest song out there, and doesn’t pack the same punch that Blind Channel’s ‘Dark Side’ had, the performance at Uuden Musiikin Kilpailu was polished and effective, and I could see Finland securing yet another solid result from sending a band.

The case of Bulgaria is more interesting. No country has fluctuated in the odds as much as they have, from the top five, all the way to the bottom, before rising to the top again. Currently, Intelligent Music Project’s ‘Intention’ is sitting somewhere in the middle, and whilst I am struggling to make any sort of prediction as to where this could end up, it isn’t looking like Bulgaria will be getting a particularly impressive result – if they even make it to the final.

And what better way to conclude than to look at some of the most fun songs in this year’s line-up so far – the ones that might not be loved by the jury, but could get the viewers at home dancing as they pick up their phone to vote. Lovers of Fuego will undoubtedly enjoy the Spanish entry, ‘SloMo’, which is looking like it might lift Spain out of the bottom five after a disappointing run over recent years. Norway and Latvia are looking like two of the most memorable performances this year, and I recommend listening to their entries ‘Give That Wolf a Banana’ and ‘Eat Your Salad’ if you’re in need of something to give you a smile. The latter song has possibly one of the most interesting opening lines I’ve ever encountered in a Eurovision song.

Obviously, with new songs still to come and plenty of pre-parties and revamps still on the cards, anything could still happen in Turin in May. After all, that’s the excitement of Eurovision.

Image Credit: EBU / Thomas Hanses

Setting the bar high: On running the college bar

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Nestled behind the dreaming spires, cobbled streets and well-kept quads are some of the most beloved, and most frequented, spots in Oxford – college bars. 

Serving as a venue for members to socialise and drink at Spoons rivalling prices, almost all colleges have a cherished bar, but few remain student run. Solely in the name of a journalistic endeavour, I took it upon myself to visit two such bars, spend another evening surrounded by alcohol under the pretence of it being my Cherwell duty, and find out exactly what it means to run a student bar. 

Regent’s Bar, or what was more recently named ‘Manny’s Shell’, is one of the cheapest bars in Oxford, sitting snug behind the College’s JCR. Bar Manager Amelia Sellors runs a tight ship, and tells me that it’s her job to keep the bar running ‘no matter what it takes’. 

‘We pride ourselves on having the cheapest drinks in Oxford. £1 a shot, mixer is free, £1.90 a pint. The prices are unbeatable – it’s because each year we aren’t trying to make a profit. It’s just a pub for the students to enjoy however they wish.’

The bar’s motto is ‘cheap and cheerful’ but there’s more to it than low prices and chipper bartenders. From ordering stock and dealing with suppliers, to the maintenance, cleaning and training of the staff of twelve, running the college bar is no mean feat. ‘It’s for the students by the students’, Amelia says, ‘And to make sure the bar stays fun, you have to be pretty rigorous about the behind the scenes stuff’. 

I wonder what kind of bar manager she is. Feared, she says, and given that one of her many nicknames in the bar is ‘Mussomimi’, I’m inclined to agree: ‘It would also be a bit egotistical to say I’m beloved. I’d say as long as the bar is beloved then I’m happy.’ 

Even on a quiet Monday evening, Regent’s Bar is cosy and lively. The small, wood-panelled room is decorated with old photos of the college, a collage of many flattering photos of its patrons and an array of other random objects. It’s proximity to the JCR means that if you’re not vibing with the staff’s eclectic mix of tunes in the bar, you can have a game of ping-pong, table football or darts. I’m also informed that the Wii is the greatest thing to come to Regents since Manny the tortoise. 

Allowing the powers of Regent’s most popular drink, ‘The Dizzi’, to kick in, I head over to Balliol to see if the incumbent Lady Lindsay, Hannah O’Connor, is running the bar into the ground or just running it beneath the ground. ‘The Lindsay’ has long been a famously good watering hole, and after being shut for over two years due to water damage and refurbishment, it is back and better than ever. 

A world away from the intimacy of Regent’s, Balliol’s bar is a spacious underground haunt. Serving up a spectacular line up of drinks from the legendary ‘Balliol Blues’ to Lady Lindsay’s experimental peach margaritas, the bar has a sophisticated air but is equally welcoming and spirited. 

While the cocktails are shaken, I ask around among the many unbiased customers what makes Balliol bar so special. ‘I just love it here’ a non-Balliol reveller tells me, ‘it’s the vibe, I don’t ever want to leave when I come in’. The best thing about Balliol bar? After the drinks, it’s Lady Lindsay herself, I’m told. 

‘I’ve managed to make the bar profitable without losing any of its essence’, Hannah says. ‘There are no frills, it’s just a great space and should be a place that students want to go to. I do put a lot of work in but it gives me such joy when I see it bustling with people all drinking and having a good time’. 

I listen to the pair complain about the weight of their duties, dealing with irritable suppliers and the recklessness of certain bar users all evening. So why do it? Why have a student run bar if it’s just another headache? Spending the evening in the bars, I get the sense that both bar bosses manage to blend the fun and chaos of the job with the gravity of the responsibility.

‘You don’t rant about something you don’t care about’, Amelia tells me, ‘It really doesn’t make sense to have a college bar run by students, it’s not rational but there’s something irreplaceable about it. Because we’re student run, we’ve got something that no other bar has – a lot of love and pride for it and that’s what makes it so special.’

The fairest of them all? Hollywood’s problem with visually represented villainy

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The latest instalment of Hollywood’s never-ending quest to retell and resell every classic film has been a contentious one. Yet another reimagining of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves is in production, with breakout star Rachel Zegler in the leading role. In a desperate attempt to diversify its cinematic output, Disney has – instead of green-lighting more exciting material written by POC writers – decided to invest in a live-action adaptation of the 1937 animation, starring a Latina actress. Actor Peter Dinklage has pointed out the insensitivity of retelling a story that caricatures and ridicules people with dwarfism. Dinklage, who himself has achondroplasia, said of the film, ‘You’re progressive in one way but you’re still making that fucking backward story of seven dwarves living in the cave. What the fuck are you doing, man?’, explaining that had a ‘cool, progressive spin’ been put on the original tale he would have been ‘all in’.

Disney’s vague response (saying that they are ‘taking a different approach with these seven characters’ and are ‘consulting with members of the dwarfism community’) does not distance themselves, and the rest of the film industry, from its dark history of representation of people with physical differences. People who look different to the majority have almost always been portrayed in a negative light throughout the history of literature – think Richard III, Dracula, and Captain Hook – but in no medium does this become as glaringly insulting as film. Physical difference is too often exploited either to present characters as outsiders, like with the seven dwarves, or villains. James Bond films have recently come under fire for their consistent depictions of antagonists with burns or scars, but the sheer amount of films that use this visual trope is shocking. From Scar in The Lion King to Darth Vader in Star Wars, filmmakers have constantly been exploiting conditions that manifest themselves physically as a visual indicator of a character’s inherent wickedness.

This narrative infiltrates daily life. Cast your mind back to the 2020 American presidential election, when, during a press conference, Donald Trump’s legal aid and former mayor of New York Rudy Giuliani suffered a severe hair malfunction. A single streak of brown hair dye rolled down the side of his face, and – with his villainy seemingly branded onto him in a perfect twist of fate – Twitter went up in flames. Emma Beddington wrote an article for the Guardian at the time, illustrating how this phenomenon, as satisfying as it may have been for those politically-opposed to Giuliani, was a result of ‘years of cultural conditioning’ that have conflated ‘ugliness and moral failing’. Beddington, who has alopecia, continued to talk about the effect of this cultural perception of villainy on her own life, as she explained her children’s confusion when she read them Roald Dahl’s ‘The Witches’. ‘They adored the story and Quentin Blake’s enchanting illustrations,’ she said, ‘but the diagram and explanation of an unmasked witch confused them – because it looked like me’.

The physical demonisation of Giuliani struck an equally conflicting chord in me. As much as I detested him as a person, the image of a dark droplet trickling down his face reminded me of my own experience, like Beddington, with alopecia. I would have to use tar-like spray-on hair dye intended for old men like Giuliani in order to cover up my own large, patchy bald spots every day before school. In fact, on a hot summer’s day it is likely that I would have recreated this ridiculed image of Giuliani. Reading Beddington’s article, I remembered the disgust I’d feel towards myself when, as my hair loss worsened, I’d unclip my hairpieces at night and transform, like Roald Dahl’s Grand High Witch, into my exposed, visibly antagonistic self.

We need to reject this lazy idea that physical conditions, or, more broadly, visible difference, equate to villainy or societal rejection. Hollywood, at very least, is trying to deliver this message and produce films that depict people with conditions affecting their physical image in a positive light – but, my god, is it failing. Steven Chbosky’s 2017 adaptation of R.J. Palacio’s novel Wonder, which follows the life of a young boy named Augustus with Treacher Collins syndrome, was met with significant criticism due to the director’s decision to cast a child actor without this syndrome in the starring role, and make extensive use of prosthetics to ‘transform’ him into Augustus. Despite its good intentions and sensitive storytelling, Wonder achieved something not too far from what Disney was trying to achieve in its 1937 depiction of the ‘seven dwarves’: singling out those who do not fit in to Hollywood’s complex cookie cutter of what is physically ‘desirable’ and ‘normal’ and thus furthering society’s uninformed perception of physical difference.

Filmmakers should, at very least, have the sensitivity to see that using prosthetics to depict a condition is degrading, and exposes a shallow attempt to explore the life of someone susceptible to cinema’s visually antagonising and outcasting agenda. But more broadly, they must push themselves to construct characters that are psychologically complex enough to not be dependent upon a physical indicator of their identity. Film is, of course, an inherently visual form – aesthetics and style are naturally a key aspect of a character’s construction. But the characters that we see in film deserve a complexity of character that goes beyond skin-deep appearance.

Greta Gerwig’s Lady Bird (2017) succeeds in this task, as its charismatic protagonist is depicted with acne. This doesn’t form any kind of basis for her identity, but it provides a refreshing change from the unrealistically acne-free teenagers that dominate coming-of-age films and brings a visibility that validates the experience of young people suffering from acne. Pixar’s recent animated film Luca (2021) also succeeds in sensitively presenting a character born with one arm – Guilia’s father, Massimo – without using this to construct his identity. The film illustrates on many levels the importance of a character’s internal identity over their external appearance. Disney’s depiction of Massimo’s visible difference subverts stereotypes: he is big, strong and as a result is initially intimidating to Luca and Alberto, thus avoiding the trope that limb difference equates to weakness. As the film progresses, however, Massimo’s soft and caring persona is revealed and combats the assumptions made from his macho physical appearance. He encapsulates the film’s message, a message that Hollywood needs to hear loud and clear: personality prevails over physicality.

These positive depictions of three-dimensional characters with physical difference are far too rare. It goes without saying that our society has progressed to the point where we, on the whole, do not single out those who look different from the rest with the sole purpose of excluding them. We know that we ought to validate and cherish visible difference. Why is cinema struggling so much to catch on? Is it because Hollywood is constantly retreating to and capitalising on old stories without considering the outdated ideas they depict? Perhaps. This endless cycle of cinematic deja-vu certainly makes it clear that cinema is being restricted by the retelling of stories, such as Snow White, that are incompatible with our modern society’s values. But film as a genre is also haunted by this archaic idea that a character’s internal identity must be visually, often stereotypically, represented. Hollywood is the world’s magic mirror, and it should begin reflecting the real range of human experiences, instead of obsessing over who is the fairest of them all.

Artwork: Wang Sum Luk

From Emperors to Crystal Skulls: The highs and lows of the sequel

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In 2013 there came a film so monumentally great that it altered the very future of cinema itself. At its premiere, Martin Scorsese wept, wondering why he wasted his life directing drivel like Taxi Driver, while The Academy collectively decided to pack up shop, knowing full well nothing else could ever feasibly win best picture. The film would go on to gross 17.4 trillion dollars, as audiences across the globe sold all their earthly possessions to fund their insatiable appetite for tickets. I am, of course, talking about Grown Ups 2. Oh, hang on, my notes are mixed up. Sorry, I’ll start again. Grown Ups 2 is terrible. 

A lazy, plotless cash-grab, it’s no wonder that sequels have a, let’s say, less than stellar reputation when films like Grown Ups 2 exist. You’ve heard it a million times, the original is always best, and the second is usually bad. And yet, when we wander down those gilded halls of movie excellence, it becomes clear that some of the best films ever made are sequels. The Godfather Part 2. The Empire Strikes Back. The Dark Knight. Every Toy Story film after 1. Yes, even 4. No, I do not accept criticism of this opinion. The sequel hall of fame is filled with countless examples of films that, even the most die-hard of purists must concede, surpass the original. 

When a sequel works well, the stories we get can be far better than what is often possible in a single film. Sadly, getting them right can be quite tricky for various reasons. Often, there is a need to ‘one-up’ the original, and put things on a grander scale. This isn’t a bad idea in concept because audiences don’t want to see the same film twice, but sometimes it can go too far. Short history lesson: in season 5, episode 91, of the hit sitcom Happy Days, the main character Fonzie jumps over the top of a shark while water skiing. Since then, the term ‘jumping the shark’ has been used to describe that point in a series or franchise where things get too silly, even within the confines of the fictions’ fantasy logic, in an attempt to breathe new life, and new viewers, into the property. For a brilliant example, take the Indiana Jones films; they have never been particularly realistic, featuring supernatural powers and a definition of archaeology sure to make real-world researchers cringe, but the action has always been somewhat grounded and at least partly believable. Gun fights, fist fights, motorbike chases and whatnot. Wouldn’t it be ridiculous if another film in the series then had Harrison Ford survive a nuclear blast by hiding in a fridge? It would, wouldn’t it. Anyway, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull comes out in 2008, and that exact thing happens. Honestly, the flesh-melting ghost angels inside the Ark of the Covenant are actually more believable. It’s hard to get interested after this point, because we now know that our hero is indestructible, and there is no sense of danger. In trying to make things more exciting, a sequel can easily make things less so. 

Beyond this though, there is, in my opinion, one golden rule that all sequels should follow. To discuss it, I get to talk about a movie that I absolutely despise – Terminator: Dark Fate, a direct sequel to the incredible Terminator 2. A sequel, in all forms of media, should absolutely never make what came before it meaningless. In T2, there are two goals: ensure the survival of John Connor, who will go on to lead humanity to victory in the future war with the machines, and prevent the machine uprising from ever happening. Both of these goals are achieved by the climax, which is brilliant for the viewer as it leaves a sense that something important has happened. This is why I, as an audience member, find it genuinely offensive when the first five-minutes of the slow-motion car crash that is Dark Fate involves John Connor being immediately killed, and then a machine uprising happens anyway with little-to-no explanation. T2, in the universe of the Terminator franchise, may as well have never happened; it has no relevance, no impact, and none of its events mattered. This, to me, is unforgivable, and highlights the biggest sin a sequel can commit. Do not, ever, erase the past. Build on it instead.

And this is what the greatest sequels do so well. They not only respect the events of the last film, but show us why they mattered. Take the surprisingly fantastic Planet of the Apes reboot trilogy in the 2010s. The first film ends with an ominous mid-credit scene showing the spread of deadly virus across the world. The sequel, instead of pretending that this wasn’t important, then shows the dramatic effect this has had on the world; humans have almost gone extinct, and a small settlement of survivors are locked in a tense stand-off with the apes. The worlds we see in the first and second instalment are nearly unrecognizable, but we completely understand how things have gotten from A to B. This makes for truly engaging storytelling, and truly lets you know that everything has meaning – something a good story really should have.  

Naturally, a sequel also let’s us spend more time in our favourite movie-worlds, and this allows for these worlds to take on so much more nuance, depth and interest. Star Wars: A New Hope introduced cinema to Darth Vader, who would go on to become arguably its most iconic villain. So then, in the sequel Empire Strikes Back, it becomes all the more engaging when we see Vader kneeling before the hooded façade of Emperor Palpatine. Audiences are hit with the revelation that cinemas’ most enduring villain is only second in command, and there is someone more powerful and more frightening than him? This is fantastic world building, and it’s all the more effective given the time audiences have already spent with Vader up until this point. Introduce the emperor in A New Hope, and this dynamic is the status quo out the gate. It just isn’t the same. 

Of course, not every film needs a sequel, and that is certainly not what I’m arguing here. I doubt Citizen Kane 2 would have gone down as well as the first. But sequels get a bad rap, that while not entirely unearned, I think causes people to be too harsh on the very idea of them. What is often forgotten, especially among the Academy and the more pretentious members of the film community, is that some of the best stories ever told are told in sequels. That’s why it will be such a shame when Scorsese outlaws them, and the only films he allows to be made are three-hour long crime flicks starring Robert De Niro. I’ll be here, defending the sequel until I’m blue in the face, but who knows if that will be enough. The only thing I’m certain about is that my follow-up article, reviewing which fridges are best at shielding you from nuclear detonations, will be much better than this one.

Image Credit: Star Wars/Facebook

CHERWELL SEXTIGATION: Exeter Top Shaggers, St John’s least straight college, Keble students ‘crap in bed’

With over 550 students responding, Cherwell can release the results of the 2022 Sex Survey. A look into Cherwell history shows that this publication has never shied away from sex. In 1970, the editor at the time, Peter Stothard, published a poster featuring a naked woman, which some have claimed was a first for British newspapers. Stothard pursued the paper’s new image by publishing a nude photo of Gully Wells, a move that was considered ‘daring’ for the time. Three years later, the paper is said to have become a ‘cause celebre’ in national media when Cherwell published a photo of an editor next to a topless model, resulting in a personal fine for the editor to proctors of the University. 

Most notably, going back to 1946, Cherwell suffered a brief hiatus in printing after the paper was banned by the University for distributing a survey on the sex lives of students. Now, in 2022, the survey is back

A Cherwell survey of the sex lives of students at Oxford University has found that the average number of sexual partners students have had is 7.7 in total, with students having had an average of 5.2 partners since coming to university.

Respondents from Exeter reported the most sexual partners with the average number of total sexual partners being 17.8. The rest of the top five of colleges reporting most shags consisted of Brasenose, Trinity, Somerville and Mansfield. Corpus Christi reported the fewest total sexual partners, with the average number being  2.5. 

Theology, English and Modern Languages, and Law students are the most sexually active, with Theologians reporting an average of 13.5 sexual partners in total. The least sexually active degree was Computer Science, with their mean reported number of sexual partners since arriving at University being 0. 

St John’s is the college with the most LGBTQ+ students, with 68% of respondents identifying as not heterosexual. John’s was closely followed by Worcester and St Annes. The Queen’s College is Oxford’s straightest college, with 75% of respondents identifying as heterosexual. On a University-wide scale, 49.8% of students identify as straight.

The form of contraceptive most frequently used by students is condoms with 41% of respondents opting for this method. 23.58% of students do not use a method of contraceptive. 

When asked about their masturbation habits, 13.8% of female students responded that they masturbate 4-5 times a week, while 28% of both male students and nonbinary students responded that they masturbated that amount. 20.7% of female students masturbate ‘rarely’ compared with only 6.8% of male students. Lady Margaret Hall took a clear lead in college masturbation habits, with 56.30% of respondents masturbating more than four times each week. 

57.8% of respondents claimed to have broken lockdown restrictions for sexual activity, with 13.1% claiming to have done so at least 20 times. Oxford students said that the pandemic had a negative impact on their satisfaction with their sex lives. On a scale of 1-5, 1 being ‘a lot less sex’ and 5 being ‘a lot more sex’, the mean response was 2.3.

One respondent told Cherwell that Covid has had a disproportionate impact on people’s sex lives:  “I went very quickly in HT20 from casual sex to a relationship to long distance with my new partner, and when we were able to be in the same place again my sex drive had really decreased due to the long isolation. Two years later, it’s still something I’m working on, and is just one way in which the pandemic has changed young people’s lives in unpredictable ways.”

46.8% of students have had sex in a ‘public place’, with respondents listing a number of picturesque locations across Oxford. University Parks and various college libraries were among the most common responses, while the Park End cheese floor, Gatwick Express, New College Mound, and Blenheim Palace all received mentions. 

Where are you most likely to find someone to bring home? Students say its Plush, bringing in 22.5% of the vote with Park End coming in at second place with 20.7% of the vote. A night at the Bullingdon, however, is unlikely to lead to a hook up, with only 3.1% of respondents lending the club their votes.

Overall, students reported a mean level of satisfaction with their sex lives of 3.3 out of 5. 

One student responded that men at Oxford are “cautious and afraid of intimacy” and “overly cautious in initiating sexual interactions”. Another said that it’s easy to have sex and casual relationships at Oxford but added that “the short intense terms (especially with moving-out obligations for many people) make relationships especially difficult”. 

Others voiced concerns over the sexual appetite of certain Oxford students with one student saying that “Keble students are crap in bed” and another asking “Why people so kinky and so vanilla? Why do tory boys have to be like that?”. One respondent offered up advice on having sex at Oxford, sharing that “Piers Gav helps, it is amazing to find fellow queer students for hookups and more”.  

Here is a closer look at our stats: 

Colleges by average number sexual partners since coming to Oxford:

  1.  Brasenose – 9.4
  2. Trinity – 8.8
  3. Exeter – 8.5
  4. Somerville – 8.2
  5. Mansfield – 7.8
  6. Merton – 7.7
  7. St Hugh’s – 6.6
  8. LMH – 6.36
  9. St Catherine’s – 5.6
  10. St Peter’s – 5.3

University average – 5.2

  1. Keble – 5.1
  2. St Hilda’s – 5.1
  3. Christ Church – 5
  4. Worcester – 5
  5. Regent’s Park – 4.7
  6. University – 4.2
  7. Balliol – 4.1
  8. St Edmund Hall – 4.1
  9. Jesus – 3.98
  10. Lincoln – 3.8
  11. St Cross – 3.8
  12. Green Templeton – 3.5
  13. Pembroke – 3.5
  14. St John’s – 3.5
  15. Oriel – 3.4
  16. Wadham – 3.4
  17. New – 3.1
  18. St Anthony’s – 3
  19. The Queen’s – 3
  20. St Anne’s – 3
  21. Hertford – 2.6
  22. Magdalen – 2.3
  23. Corpus Christi – 2
  24. Kellogg – 1.5

Degrees by average number of sexual partners since coming to Oxford:

  1. English and Modern Languages – 15.5
  2. Theology – 9.8
  3. Ancient and Modern History – 8
  4. Law – 7.5
  5. Modern languages – 7
  6. Archaeology and Ancient History  – 7
  7. Medicine  – 6.3
  8. Biochemistry  – 6.07
  9. History and Modern Languages – 6
  10. History – 5.7
  11. Classics – 5.43
  12. Philosophy and Theology – 5.3
  13. PPE – 5
  14. History & Politics – 5
  15. Mathematics and Statistics – 5
  16. English – 4.6
  17. Economics – 4.5
  18. Biology – 4.31
  19. Music – 4.3
  20. Psychology  – 4
  21. History and English  – 4
  22. Computer Science and Philosophy – 4
  23. Chemistry  – 3.94
  24. Geography  – 3.8
  25. E&M – 3.5
  26. Physics  – 3.4
  27. Physics and Philosophy – 3.4
  28. CAAH – 3.2
  29. Arabic and Islamic Studies – 3
  30. Materials Science – 3
  31. Human Sciences  – .8
  32. Classics and English  – 2.67
  33. Mathematics – 2.5
  34. Politics – 2.4
  35. Public Policy and Sociology – 2
  36. Philosophy – 2
  37. History and Economics – 2
  38. Biomedical Sciences – 2
  39. Engineering  – 1.8
  40. Earth Sciences – 1.2
  41. Oriental studies  – 1
  42. Mathematics and Philosophy – 1
  43. Fine Art – 1
  44. Archaeology and Anthropology  – 1
  45. Experimental Psychology – 0.6
  46.  Computer Science – 0

John Evelyn: 7th Week, Hilary Term 2022

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Run. Hide. Lock the door. The hacks are upon us. 

With the LMH enforcer and the Anti-Politician each loved up with their own newspaper, the Univ Queen and the Blue were left awkwardly glancing at each other across the dance floor. Alas, no romance flourished. John Evelyn is not sure if this was because of a fundamental incompatibility or just because the Blue is yet to strum up the courage to start a conversation.

Meanwhile, Daddy Oxlove has gathered 4 of his finest sugar babies and slid into the fray. Come to think of it, John Evelyn hasn’t seen many critical Oxfess posts about his campaign. Strange, that.

The swarms of tourists around Oxford have excitedly noticed that Harry Potter is running in the Union elections this term. However, in this version, Lord Voldemort is played by the Atik cheese floor. Shaken by this new wave of attention, Hermione scurried off to buy a new scarf because “the only other one I have is Gucci and I can’t really wear that in election week haha”. John Evelyn hopes these two magical candidates won’t be joined by their friend Ron on Friday. 

Speaking of optics, there was a horrible mix-up last Saturday, as the Union thought they had secured some pro bono stonework on the front entrance, but were surprised to see a gaggle of white-tie-toting elderly gents flood the bar. Turns out there is a difference between a free mason and a Freemason. Apparently one difference is that free masons don’t enjoy tucking into the free snacks left out for the 93% Club in the Goodman.

Friday’s election is not the only one on people’s minds, as the Union’s approaching bicentenary had Lieutenant “Initiative” and Mr Put-Me-On-Bicentenary-Committee jockeying for an early advantage in the race to still be here for the celebrations. But that’s another story for another Jevelyn.

After hours of gruelling scrutiny, interrupted only by the odd rat or Freemason, our candidates are ready. By Union standards, this campaign has run without too much drama. But Nullius in verba my friends; predictions of electoral civility can age almost as fast as a Union career. To your marks my little hacklings, the polls await.

No more to come. John Evelyn x

Last Dance at Iffley: Cherwell meets the Cuppers captains

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In the lead up to the Men’s Cuppers final between Balliol and Jesus tonight, Cherwell met the captains of both teams, to find out what the second-oldest competition in world football means to them, and what they have been doing to prepare for it.

Balliol: Noah Britten

Balliol have had an exciting road to the final so far, with a dramatic penalty shootout win over Teddy Hall securing their place in the final. They came down from 2-0 and then 3-2 to clinch the game after the shootout went to sudden death.

Noah Britten captains Balliol from the left wing. He’s a third year E&M student with a lovely first touch and a knack for dribbling, and he believes Balliol has what it takes to bring the trophy home to Broad Street.

Balliol are coming into the final as underdogs. Has that affected the preparation for the match?

If anything, it’s made preparation easier. We know how good a football team we are, and we know Jesus don’t know how good a football team we are, and they’re almost certainly underestimating us. All we can do is go and play to the best of our abilities; it makes it easier for us to play as well as we can.

Are Jesus’s social media antics firing up the team?

It’s definitely fired up the team. There are a few players who are more active and have a more inflated ego than others, who I’m sure may be on the end of a few targeted challenges at the beginning of the game, just to welcome them. But, in all honesty the club has been focused on itself and its own performance. We could be playing any other of the thirty colleges in Oxford, and it wouldn’t influence us. WE’ve been focused on what we need to do to ensure that we win.

What did the team learn from the comeback?


We didn’t actually learn that much. We know how resilient of a team we are and it was just another example of us exhibiting that resilience. We played a lot worse than we are capable of playing, and the fact that we were able to not play to the best of our ability and still grind out a result in the end is a testament to the mindset of our players and our team.

Who do you see being the key players for Balliol in the final?

Josh Goldstein. If we can get him on the ball and he can dictate play, I believe he has the ability to really challenge Jesus defensively. They haven’t been challenged that much over the course of their cuppers run. Also Caleb Mbanaso, who can stop and stifle their attacks at the source before they get it out to their wide men and their strikers. If that can happen, and we win the midfield battle, we have an excellent chance of winning the game.

How important is the support from the fans?

The support is massive. There’s been an enthusiasm that Balliol students have shown, many of which don’t necessarily get involved with football, or play it, or even support it outside of college football. Many of them have gotten involved massively, and it’s been really good that the supporters seem to have grasped the special occasion that a Cuppers final is, given that many of them have had a very turbulent two years at Oxford. They understand how important this is.

Jesus: Adam Shaffer

Adam Shaffer is a second year engineer at Jesus who commands the team from centre back. His team includes several Blues players including top talents like Alfie Cicale. In their semi-final, they bulldozed St Hugh’s 4-2.

Jesus are the favourites – how has this affected the teams mental state in the lead up to the game?

We’re more just focussing on playing the best football we can. A lot of people are speaking loud on social media and stuff and we’re just ignoring it and playing how we want to play and we’ll show Balliol on the pitch.

A lot of people have said that the team’s instagram account (@jesuscollegefc) can be a bit lippy – is this part of a strategy of creating a ‘siege mentality’?

I think the social media probably more affects the opposition than us – if they think that it has a big part and we’re talking lippy, then it means that we’re not gonna be in the right headspace. But I can promise that the players just think of it as a joke and when it comes to the football anything we say on it doesn’t have any effect on the pitch.

Who do you see being the key players in the final?

Well the one everyone would say is Alfie, who’s in the blues. He’s a very skillful player, but often the opposition’s flaws are when they focus on Alfie, so they’ll put two defenders on him, but then they don’t realise the other qualities we have up top. We have two more Blues forwards and a very good fresher in Gonzo. Quite often they’ll double up on Alfie, and then all of a sudden our other Blues players are just free in space.

Has the preparation been different to a regular match?

We’ve tried to keep it as normal as possible. There’s obviously a difference in fan numbers and sorting out tickets. On the administration side, with different grounds and changing rooms, that’s been different, but for the players, it’s all pretty much the same. We have our standard team meeting before Cuppers games, we had a team dinner–it’s all just about the team sticking together and I’m sure no doubt we’ll go out tonight and everyone will play the same high quality level of football.

How important are the fans to the team?

It’s very important. We have a big community. It’s another advantage of our Instagram – more and more people have just been wanting to get involved because it’s become such a big part of the Jesus culture. We have a lot of fans, they’re all making banners and songs, and hopefully they turn out in full force. We’re getting non-stop messages from people. They’re very excited and they will play a big part today.

The final kicks off at Iffley Road Sports Centre at 7:30pm tonight.