Tuesday, April 29, 2025
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Why are students so financially illiterate?

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Ask a typical Oxford student about their academic course, and they’ll happily ramble about the things they’ve learnt in great, riveting depth. Ask them instead about their intended career path, or how they plan to repay their student loan debt, and suddenly their response will be entirely unsure.

Young people have the lowest rates of financial literacy in the UK, and students are particularly imperilled by the £236 billion of outstanding student debt looming over graduates. Moreover, 35% of students who began their studies in 2023 are forecast to never fully repay their loans. Yet all too commonly I meet students who deem financial planning a secondary worry, something they’ll simply contemplate later. How on earth have we allowed such a disastrous attitude to spread unchecked?

As with most social phenomena, society’s upper echelons are far more responsible than they’d wish to admit. Few events in living memory embody ‘financial illiteracy’ quite like Liberation Day, wherein the US government raised tariffs to their highest effective rate in over 100 years. Aside from the following market crash and trade war, I recall being astounded by the government’s last-ditch attempt to justify their trade strategy: as economists swiftly noticed, the tariffs were entirely based on trade deficits, contradicting the narrative that these rates were reciprocal. In fact, I urge all readers to give the official methodology a read, as an exercise in sifting through substanceless, vaguely-economic gobbledegook. If this isn’t financial illiteracy at its worst, then God help us.

Domestic readers should keenly note that the future looks just as economically undisciplined within the UK. More than half of industry professionals have expressed no confidence in Chancellor of the Exchequer Rachel Reeves, due to her documented inability to navigate the nation’s economic landscape. Aside from her quantitative failures, recall that our Chancellor is someone who lied about how long she worked at the Bank of England, plagiarised her book from Wikipedia, and claimed to have worked as an ‘economist’ within Halifax despite serving instead as a complaint-handler. Suddenly this lack of confidence makes more and more sense.

This is the stark reality for current students: by the time you graduate, the economy will almost certainly be in the hands of people who blatantly mismanage public funds, with painful consistency. But this should not be surprising – those that sway economic policy most tend to be politicians who are trained to win votes, not manage fiscal rules. Who could possibly blame students for expressing a little financial apathy, when our leaders rampantly prioritise their image over our livelihoods? If we were governed by professionals with a little more monetary finesse, I strongly doubt that it would be so culturally acceptable to be clueless with regard to finances.

Apart from lousy actors within politics, Britain is particularly riddled by poor mathematical ability, with half of the working-age population having the numeric skills of a primary school child. Mathematical capability is strongly correlated with sensible financial behaviour, yet when Prime Minister Rishi Sunak briefed the nation with plans to teach mathematics to every student up to the age of 18, many rushed to ‘defend’ our youth, with fears that we’d be transforming an entire generation into soulless data analysts (which was neither correct, nor particularly frightening).

This country has a serious cultural problem with numeracy. An inability to think mathematically should be treated with the same care and urgency as an inability to read, rather than brushed off as a non-serious quirk. Again, I hold our political leaders largely accountable for normalising the trend: one third of politicians are unable to calculate averages, and half cannot grasp extremely basic probability (flipping coins, specifically).

The path to financial literacy will, sadly, remain an extra-curricular one. With this country’s bafflingly complex taxation system, it is clear that financially illiterate workers make the most gullible taxpayers; the same is naturally true for those who have not been provided with an adequate mathematical education. Speaking cynically, banks and governments are incentivised by higher levels of personal debt (by profit and economic growth respectively), so they benefit from mass financial illiteracy. If you wish to improve your financial knowledge, the blunt truth is that you cannot depend on your country to honestly educate you.

This should only encourage, not deter, your own pursuit of financial acumen: financial literacy is no unattainable mystery after all. In fact, it has never been more accessible: all Oxford students happen to have free subscriptions to the Financial Times and The Economist. It’s up to you, dear reader, to make the effort. By all means, feel free to continue spending idiotically like most students – I personally was fined £150 for littering a cigarette end while drafting this very article – but invest some effort in educating yourself. You will only thank yourself in the years to come.

New rail service to link Oxford and Cowley

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A new campaign group has been established aiming to restore a passenger rail service from central Oxford to Cowley.

The Cowley Branch Line has been closed for passengers since 1963 and has since  been reserved for freight trains.  

The newly established Campaign for Cowley Branch Line has supported the planned creation of two new stations, which would allow for a nine-minute journey time between Oxford central and Cowley. According to the group, the restoration of a passenger rail service in east Oxford would provide a “fast and reliable” transport link to the city centre. 

The campaign promises that the project will be complete in years, not decades, create up to 10,000 new jobs, enable over 1 million journeys in its first three years, and allow for the development of 2.5 million square feet of new workspace. 

The two new planned stations would be Oxford Cowley (for Advanced Research Computing Oxford and Blackbird Leys) and Oxford Littlemore (for the Science Park and Littlemore). Regular services would go to the city centre, while twice-hourly trains would also run to London Marylebone. 

Oxford City Council gave £500,000 to a project to help design the new branch stations. Currently the only passenger rail services in Oxford run from Oxford Station in the city centre, and from Oxford Parkway Station in the far north of Oxford.  

The detailed business case for the Cowley Branch Line is due to be submitted to the government this spring, and Oxford City Council and Network Rail have said that they will work to progress the reopening as quickly as possible.  

Oxford East MP Anneliese Dodds, who has campaigned for the project, said: “It’s important to deliver this project because it goes beyond just a transport measure and helps us deliver much needed housing for Oxford residents as well as creating a new expanded hub for innovation and economic growth.” 

Ms Dodds told Cherwell: “I have campaigned for the reopening of this line to passengers since I first had the privilege of being elected … The biggest benefit of reopening the line is that it would slash journey times for people living in Blackbird Leys, Cowley and Littlemore travelling into the city centre.

“I have to say that I’ve very rarely found anyone who isn’t hugely positive about the idea of opening up the line for passengers. Every year I arrange a ‘Cowley branch line walk’ to show support for the reopening, and every year even more people are keen to demonstrate their backing.” 

A consultation carried out by the local authority, external in November reported “overwhelming support” for the reopening proposal.  

Student reaction to the news has been mixed. An undergraduate who wished to remain anonymous told Cherwell: “The college takes the mick with second- and third-year accommodation already. But if the commute time became quick with this planned train, I wouldn’t put it past them to start building far-out accommodation in Cowley and making it a commuter town. Cycling in from Summertown is bad enough: Cowley would be a nightmare.”

The Cowley Branch Line last saw passenger trains in 1963, with services being withdrawn to cut costs at the time. Since then, the line has remained open for freight purposes, nowadays being primarily used in order to serve the BMW Mini factory.

Oxford scientists receive £1 million for motor neurone disease research

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My Name’5 Doddie Foundation announced the launch of a multimillion-pound Discovery Network on 31 March to accelerate the search for effective motor neurone disease (MND) treatments. A project led by scientists at the University of Oxford has been awarded £1 million of this budget.

The Network is based on the principles of collaboration and “open science” inspired by the Michael J. Fox Foundation’s success in accelerating Parkinson’s research through the ASAP initiative and similar approaches to bipolar disorder in BD2. It encompasses projects that focus on identifying therapeutic targets and disease mechanisms for MND.

Dr Martina Hallegger, lead of the Oxford project, said: “the Discovery Network funding is a game-changer for MND research, enabling us to strengthen collaborations and establish new ones within an open science framework.

“By working closely with teams across the UK and internationally, we can align methodologies, share expertise, and accelerate progress in understanding this devastating disease. This commitment to collaboration ensures that discoveries are more accessible, comparable, and impactful for the entire MND research community.”

The foundation has committed almost £20 million to MND research since its launch in 2017. They are the first to apply this model to motor neurone research in the UK after the late Scotland rugby player and MND campaigner Doddie Weir set up the Foundation. 

After being diagnosed with MND in 2017, Weir dedicated his final years to raising awareness and funding for this research. In the UK, MND affects around 5,000 people at any given time and currently has no effective treatment. 

The Foundation’s investment includes a total of four £1 million grants for multi-institutional teams of researchers. As well as Oxford, teams from King’s College London, University College London and the University of Edinburgh have been awarded funds. Each project underwent a thorough and rigorous selection process to ensure that funding is channelled into the most promising research.

Two additional projects are expected to join the Network in the next year.

Exclusive: Nayib Bukele, Harry and Jamie Redknapp, John Legend, Mary Robinson, and Javed Akhtar to speak at Oxford Union

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Cherwell can exclusively reveal that President Nayib Bukele of El Salvador, footballing duo Harry and Jamie Redknapp, singer John Legend, Ireland’s first female president Mary Robinson, and Indian screenwriter Javed Akhtar are all set to speak at the Oxford Union this term.

The Union will play host to a number of high-profile guests from the music industry, including the multi-instrumentalist Jacob Collier, and American musician Nile Rodgers, both of whom will perform as part of their appearances. 

There will also be a visit from the controversial American conservative political activist Charlie Kirk, who has been outspoken on issues such as abortion rights and critical race theory. He will speak on the debate motion ‘This House Believes Trump has gone too far’, facing off against American political scientist Joseph Nye. 

Nayib Bukele is the current president of El Salvador known for his unorthodox policies, including making the country the first in the world to adopt Bitcoin as legal tender. He has recently received international attention after agreeing to imprison hundreds of Venezuelans deported from the United States. Branding himself “the world’s coolest dictator”, Bukele has been criticised for authoritarian actions such as replacing top-level judges with allies, but despite this he still remains a popular figure domestically.

Father and son footballing duo Harry and Jamie Redknapp are both known for their respective careers in the football industry, the former a long-serving manager and the latter remembered in particular for his time at Liverpool and Tottenham Hotspur. Harry Redknapp has managed a range of English clubs including West Ham, Spurs, and QPR, also winning the 2008 FA Cup with Portsmouth. Meanwhile, Jamie Redknapp, who made a number of appearances for his country at international level, has since retirement been a regular TV pundit for Sky Sports.

John Legend is an American singer, songwriter, and pianist, principally known for hit songs like “All of Me” and “Ordinary People”. He has sold over 30 million albums worldwide and achieved EGOT status as the recipient of 12 Grammys, an Oscar, a Tony, and an Emmy. He also won the National Association for the Advancement of Coloured People’s (NAACP) President’s Award in 2016. 

Mary Robinson served as Ireland’s first female president from 1990 to 1997. She advanced multiple civil rights reforms, including the decriminalisation of homosexuality and the legalisation of divorce. Following her presidency, she took up the role of United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights.

Javed Akhtar is an Indian poet, lyricist, and screenwriter, acclaimed for his contributions to the Hindi cinematic and literary world. Classics such as Sholay and Deewar can be attributed to him, the result of his work as part of the screenwriting duo Salim-Javed. He is a five-time National Film Award winner and Padma Bhushan recipient, as well as being renowned for his progressive Urdu poetry. In 2013, he received the Sahitya Akademi Award, India’s second highest literary honour, for his poetry collection Lava.

The Trinity term card also features debates on topics such as the NHS, euthanasia, and feminism. It will also entail other events, namely a student-only debate on Saturday of Week 0 (26th April), with members able to ballot for the opportunity to speak on the motion ‘This House Believes capitalism has killed the arts’..

Debates this term include the motion ‘This House Believes Africa must evict its colonial masters’, with Errol Musk, the father of Elon, and self-proclaimed ‘Prince of Pan-Africanism’ Dr. Umar set to speak. 

The Oxford Union will also debate ‘This House Believes the right to die is a human right’, hosting guest speakers such as the former President of the UK Supreme Court Lord David Neuberger and barrister Lord David Pannick.

A debate will also be held on whether ‘This House Believes no one can be illegal on stolen land’. Guest speakers include right-wing New Zealand politician David Seymour , and Nivine Sandouka, a Palestinian feminist and peace activist. 

Regarding the forthcoming term, Oxford Union president Anita Okunde told Cherwell: “This term, the Oxford Union is throwing open its doors wider than ever. We’re not just inviting members to listen – we’re empowering them to speak. With member ballots for paper speeches in key debates, including this Saturday at our debate ‘This House Believes Capitalism has killed the Arts’ and ‘This House Believes Trump Has Gone Too Far,’ we’re breaking from tradition of only committee members being awarded these to ensure more voices are heard. No longer reserved for the usual few, this is a term card by the members, for the members.

“From Nobel laureate Narges Mohammadi’s battle against authoritarianism to the explosive debate on Africa’s liberation from colonial legacies, we’re tackling the issues that matter – with speakers as diverse as President Mary Robinson, Motaz Aziza, and music icon Nile Rodgers and Don McLean. 

“This isn’t just a series of events; it’s a challenge. A challenge to engage, to dissent, and to claim your place in the Union’s legacy. Because the best debates don’t just happen in the chamber – they start there.”

College chapels in progressive Oxford: A surprising remnant?

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News abounds of the imminent death of the Church of England. Unable to find a new Archbishop and tearing itself apart over same-sex marriage, the established Church can only muster 1% of the country to regular attendance and the fate of famous cathedral choirs is uncertain. Yet amongst this sea of secularisation, Oxbridge is a lonely island of resistance. The choral foundations continue to be some of the finest choirs in the world, singing every day; almost every college puts out at least a weekly Evensong. Attendance seems much stronger than in the average parish church – and certainly much younger: there can be few places with a higher density of churchgoers. Why is it that hubs of progressive student politics end up being the last bastions of this most quintessentially conservative tradition?

The most obvious reason is the aesthetic advantage that Oxbridge chapels have: the quality of the music and the architecture. Every day of the week in one college or another is a wide selection of some of the finest music written – from intricate Renaissance polyphony and classic Victoriana, to contemporary pieces commissioned by the colleges, and this all sung by excellent choirs; at the top, the choirs are world-renowned professional exercises funded by significant endowments. While this is primarily music written for liturgical purposes – to aid in worship, often setting Biblical words appropriate to the Christian calendar – there can be no doubt that its appeal extends beyond the devout, whether one treats services purely as an irreligious concert interspersed by some priestly waffling, or an aid to an undefined spirituality not necessarily tied to formal Christian dogma (hence why this is frowned upon by stern low church types). Similarly, the chapels that are the focus of Oxbridge religious life are architecturally appealing: the warm, wood-panelled intimacy of a Corpus or Pembroke, the radiant stained-glass splendour of Merton, the filigree intricacy of Magdalen or New feast the eyes as well as the ears. 

But there is surely one other dimension which is important. After all, there are beautiful churches and good choirs outside of Oxbridge, with minimal attendance. There exists the community aspect of college chapels: rather than the city’s cathedral or the forbidding building at the end of the road, the chapel is ensconced within the college socially as well as physically: preached in by a chaplain you know (perhaps the college’s Head of Welfare), sung in by friends; a part of the college as much as the Hall or quad. This is an attractive quality for the religious and non-religious alike: but it is for those not from a conventionally practising Christian background that this welcoming atmosphere makes the most difference. To walk through the chapel doors feels less like a declaration of faith; it is less of a step, less of a risk, less of an intrusion to peep one’s head in and listen – and perhaps be entranced. For after all, who would not be entranced sitting in King’s College Chapel by candlelight as dulcet treble voices soar up, wafting, curling like incense to the strain of Howells’ Collegium Regale? At its best, the Oxbridge chapel can provide music and architectural splendour on a level with a cathedral, but social familiarity and intimacy on a level with a village church. 

So will this vibrant tradition continue at Oxford and Cambridge? It could be that we are just a few decades behind the rest of the country, with nice choirs and spires mere glossy paper covering the cracks of a crumbling Christendom. Fewer and fewer people at Oxford come from a religious family, and fewer from a religious or educational background that promotes choral singing. But there is reason to be optimistic. Traditions die slowly at Oxford. New choral foundations have been set up (Merton in 2008, for example); colleges certainly take pride and dare I say competitiveness in their choral offerings. (One puts on a special Evensong before the college feast to impress guests from other colleges.)  But above all what is attractive about Oxford chapels – the music, the architecture, the community – remains attractive regardless of declining religiosity. On the contrary, my own observations at Merton suggest that this has had the effect of drawing non-Christians into the church. It should not, in the end, be a great surprise that the offer of non-judgmental spirituality, safety and community is one which draws in the young. The yearning for this is a universal one, and we should be grateful it is so well catered for at Oxford. 

New medieval manuscripts to be digitised by Jesus College

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Jesus College has announced plans to release a digital version of Jesus College MS 94, the oldest known set of Oxford lecture notes. 

An article posted on 1st April on Jesus College’s website announced that MS 94 will be accessible “for the first time to readers around the world” through the Digital Bodleian website by the end of April. This was enabled by alumni support and money from Jesus’ Development Disbursement Fund.

MS 94 is a collection of working papers and notes by Alexander Nickham (1157–1217), the first known “master” to “read publicly” or lecture in Oxford. It includes lectures from the 1190s on the Psalms and Treatise on the Strong Woman, a work on the roles of Mary Magdalene and the Virgin Mary in the medieval church.

Staff from Jesus College, the Bodleian Libraries and the Oxford Conservation Consortium performed conservation treatment to prevent damage to MS 94 during digitisation.  The Consortium received the manuscript with a few edge tears, pleated pages and a detached upper board. 

In addition to MS 94, the Duke Humfrey New Testament, a 13th-century translation of the New Testament into Old French, will be accessible to the public on Digital Bodleian. The manuscript, previously owned by King Jean II of France and members of the English royal family, was held in private ownership for 300 years before being acquired by the Bodleian. The Bodleian Libraries unveiled this copy of the New Testament in March as part of the 10th anniversary of the founding of the Weston Library.

Appeal launched to fund improvements to women’s homelessness services

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Homeless Oxfordshire has announced an appeal for donations to improve its provisions for women experiencing homelessness.

The Her Way Home appeal hopes to expand the charity’s women-only accommodation and enable them to provide round-the-clock support, therapy, and counselling services. In a new webpage dedicated to the appeal, Homeless Oxfordshire also outlined its aspiration to provide women with the tools they need to find stable housing.

Gender-based violence is a critical issue among women experiencing homelessness. The homelessness charity the Single Homeless Project calls domestic abuse a “near-universal” experience for homeless women. In addition, 64% of women experiencing homelessness face mental health problems. Verity Wootton, a manager at the Women’s Project, Homeless Oxfordshire’s women-only property in Oxford, called the proposed “24/7 wraparound support” a “lifeline” for women using the charity’s services.

The proposed funding would aim to address the issue of understaffing, particularly at weekends. This problem has previously forced the charity to refer some women, including those escaping domestic abuse, to mixed-gender hostels.

The National Women’s Rough Sleeping Census 2023 found that gender bias in existing government counts meant that women were likely to be “significantly underrepresented in rough sleeping data”. For example, women experiencing homelessness are more likely to find shelter in “hidden”, indoor spaces than men. The Single Homeless Project found that the Government’s rough sleeping count might only account for one-ninth of women sleeping rough in England.

On a local level, figures released in 2024 revealed that the number of people sleeping rough in Oxford had risen 70% in the previous year. The increase across England was only 27%.

Cherwell has approached Homeless Oxfordshire and the student group Turl Street Homeless Action for comment.

Queen’s to add names of German soldiers to WWI memorial

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The Queen’s College has submitted planning applications to add the names of five soldiers to its World War I memorial – including one Polish and three German soldiers. The memorial, carved into the outer wall of the college’s library, currently only recognises the college members who fought for the British side. 

Planning documents show that the five names will be carved into the panels upon which the 121 names are currently engraved: four on the left panel, preceded by the word ‘Also’; one on the right panel. The memorial was originally designed by the renowned architect Sir Reginal Blomfield in 1921.

Queen’s would not be the first college to recognise all old members who died in WWI. New College honoured non-Allied soldiers in a 1930 memorial, Merton and Magdalen in 1984, and most recently University College in 2018. The “appropriate and unobtrusive” additions, Queen’s stated in planning applications, are “justified by the need to remember all members of the College community who died in the First World War irrespective of nationality”

Image Credit: The Queen’s College, via Oxford City Council website

However, the plans have recently been opposed by the Oxfordshire Architectural and Historical society, who suggest that the German names should be added on a separate memorial plaque, as was done by New College in 1930. 

In a letter to Oxford City Council the society stated: “To add the memorial in the way proposed would be to re-write this history and diminish the impact of the sacrifice that so many men made for this cause.

“A separate plaque would avoid the need to make an irreversible change to Sir Reginald Blomfield’s carefully crafted panels of 1921.”

The names which the College have proposed to add are Carl Heinrich Hertz, Erich Joachim Peucer, Paul Nicholas Esterházy, Emile Jacot, and Gustav Adolf Jacobi. The latter’s name is already present on an existing war memorial in Oxford at Rhodes House.

Amongst the wider public, the Council has received strong statements both for and against the plans. The Council is expected to announce its decision in the coming weeks. 

St Hilda’s opens May Morning event to public

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St Hilda’s College will host a May Morning celebration on the Regina Pisa Rooftop. Tickets cost £90 and include a performance from Hilda’s music students, a champagne breakfast, and an address from the Principal. Most importantly, it includes a view of Magdalen College’s Great Tower, where its choir will sing on May Morning.

This is the second year that Hilda’s will host this rooftop celebration, and the first time that members of the public will be able to purchase tickets. The event is among many celebrating May Day, which begins from around 5.00am at Magdalen Bridge.

After Magdalen’s choir sings the Hymnus Eucharisticus and three madrigals, there is a procession from the bridge up High Street and into the city centre. Throughout the city, Morris dancing, Highland dancing, and folk singing can then be found. 

A donation to the St Hilda’s Music Fund is included in the price of the ticket. The College is hoping to raise £500,000 by the end of the year to further its reputation as “one of Oxford’s top colleges for the arts”.

Marking 30 years since the completion of the Jacqueline du Pré Music Building (JdP), the music fund will go towards upgrading the building’s audio-visual equipment, expanding community engagement, and supporting student music activity. The College is also launching an ‘artist fund’ to encourage a broader range of musical projects, particularly collaborations between guest artists and students.

The JdP was opened in 1995 as the first purpose-built concert venue in Oxford since the Holywell Music Room. Jacqueline du Pré was an honorary fellow of the College, considered one of the greatest cellists of the 20th century. 

The College recently announced a new partnership with Music at Oxford (MaO), with the organisation to relocate into the JdP from 2nd May. Rebecca Dawson, Artistic and Executive Director at MaO, said: “We are thrilled by the possibilities that our new home will offer us: the Jacqueline du Pré Music building is a wonderful venue with excellent facilities, and we have held many successful concerts there.”

Trickster, terror, schemer, sly: Six years of April Fools

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If you thought Magdalen Tower would close on May Day, or that the Rad Cam implemented “History Readers-only” time slots, or that kebab vans would be banned in Oxford after 10pm… Got you! You were a victim, however temporarily (I hope), of Cherwell’s April Fools stories in recent years.

As a dedicated prankster, I’ve got six years of experience wreaking havoc on my favourite day of the year. My pranks ranged from absurd to sneaky – one of them so realistic that two years later the Trump administration made it reality. My victims comprised anyone from close friends to the heads of educational institutes with the misfortune of having me.

I didn’t start out as the victor, however. In 2019, I was thoroughly fooled when my debate team captains announced their sudden resignations. As my wiser teammates laughed in my face, I vowed to turn the tables henceforth.

My first victims, come 2020, were debaters. After the pandemic cancelled the qualifying rounds to the prestigious national tournament, I preyed on their nervous uncertainty. With the “inspect element” function, I faked a website screenshot claiming that all qualifiers to the state tournament will also qualify to the nationals. The two friends who received my screenshot were overjoyed – until they checked the date. But perhaps my pranks were prophetic: both of them did qualify for nationals in the end.

Fast forward to 2021 and still stuck in lockdown, I turned to my family. A flawlessly forged jury summons sent my father into a panic, all the while puzzling over why his computer mouse stopped working (a sticker on the bottom sensor).

For my little brother, I put four Ferrero Rocher chocolates in obvious places around the house and labelled them #1, #2, #3, and #5. My brother was delighted to find his beloved snacks, and wasted all day looking for the non-existent chocolate #4. 

In 2022, my high school newspaper had a blast publishing a fake print issue. During a time of contentious debates over a new school schedule, we obligingly published a front page story claiming that school was set to end at 8pm – a teacher nearly cried at the news. She should have suspected a prank though, considering how we printed everything in Comic Sans.

I also photoshopped a school board announcement that henceforth all student leadership positions would be abolished in favour of an egalitarian structure, sending everybody from debate captains to newspaper editors into a frenzy.

An email arrived from the vice-principal with “perfect” as the subject line: “your prank… is fabulous…I paused ‘I don’t think we have received board communication about this!!!! let me look!’ when a student just came and asked me…”. Another message from the debate coach read: “Top notch, I asked Greg [the principal], and he was like…FOOL, she got you!”.

2023 saw me studying Arabic in Morocco on a US government programme, so I forged a Washington Post story with the headline “Conservative congress to defund Department of State youth language program after reported misuse of taxpayer money”. It was accompanied by a photoshopped draft law on congress.gov, sponsored by none other than the far-right conspiracist Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Our programme director immediately jumped into action, urging us to call our congresspeople in a bid to save the programme. Sadly, my prank turned into reality two years later via President Trump’s slaughter of government-sponsored exchange programmes.

Sometimes we all wish reality is an April Fools joke.

I was a news editor of this illustrious publication when 2024 rolled around, and the Cherwell Instagram became my hunting ground. Taking inspiration from Jakub’s wonderful “Kebab vans to be banned from Oxford streets after 10pm” article from the year before, I wrote “Radcliffe Camera to enforce ‘History Readers-Only’ time slots amid overcrowding”.

History students – who had long complained of real overcrowding – immediately reposted on Instagram with shouts of triumph, while non-history students ranted their fury. Some of the Oxfess posts were splendid:

  • “History students – I feel your pain, really I do, but PLEASE LET ME INTO THE RADCAM I NEED A PRETTY LIBRARY. Sincerely, a concerned Catz English student xxx [sic]”
  • “Protest at rad cam when? Worked my arse off to get into this uni, pay 10 grand a year to be here and I can’t enter a bodleian library ? Unfair and anti-university. No hate to history btw you’ve got the fittest students. Xoxo an angry stem student who’s college and uni library is always full and no one seems to care [sic]”
  • “Shoutout to that cherwell article for being the funniest april fools prank possible literally iconic [sic]”

It baffled me how many people bought the story, even when it claimed absurd things like the Bodleian Library’s plan to commemorate years of important historical events with wacky times, reserving 12.15pm (Magna Carta) to 18.15pm (The Battle of Waterloo) for history readers only.

Anyway, you’re welcome.

This year, my co-editor Georgia Campbell and I had lots of fun putting together “Magdalen Tower to close for repairs over May Day, choir set to move location”. An immediate Oxfess post exclaimed: “MAGDALEN TOWER CLOSED ON MAYDAY WHAT IS THIS [sic]” – my sincerest respect to whoever was checking Cherwell past midnight.

Here are some alternative ideas, for your amusement:

  • St John’s to abolish rent (credits to Laurence Cooke)
  • Saltburn producers hiring Oxford student consultant for sequel script
  • Leaked emails: Both Boat Race teams pre-drafted E. Coli complaints in case they lost
  • University news office accidentally added Cherwell editors to its group chat discussing PR strategy plans

I’ve no idea what’s to come in 2026, but here are my top tips for aspiring pranksters:

  1. Use the early morning hours when the world is groggy and gullible.
  2. Every prank, as they say, has a grain of truth.
  3. Most importantly: know your audience.