Sunday 8th June 2025
Blog Page 473

SATIRE: Captain Tom We Need You!

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Many have been quick to point out the unhelpful but increasingly widespread practice of reverting to military language to describe the nation’s ‘war’ with COVID-19, but more striking in the case of Boris Johnson is his fondness for discussing each problem like it’s a training exercise on a private school playing field. Speaking on his first day back from recovery, Johnson was eager to stress the need to look on the bright side: “This is the moment of opportunity. This is the moment when we can press home our advantage.” Distressingly, it’s just as easy to imagine these words being bellowed at full volume by an abusive American football coach, rather than reassuringly into a camera by a head of state.

One of the milder symptoms of lockdown would appear to be that we’ve all been indulging in one too many trips down memory lane. Personally, I live in a sort of dream-haze-waking-nightmare where the years 2006-07 replay on an endless loop, and I’m back in Catholic School saying Hail Marys. For Johnson however, the nostalgic destination of choice is clearly an Eton College games lesson – circa 1979.

Johnson is hardly the first young gentleman to make that well-travelled leap from the hallowed rugby pitches of Berkshire to Number 10 Downing Street. The 20th in fact. But surely no other Old Etonian has quite so aggressively channelled their inner sportsman once making it to high office? Johnson went on to say: “If this virus were a physical assailant, an unexpected and invisible mugger… then this is the moment when we have begun together to wrestle it to the floor.” Happily, Johnson is on home turf here: ‘wrestling assailants to the floor’ slots neatly into the SKILLS section of his extensive CV, right next to ‘crap biographies’ and ‘divorces’.

Many will have seen the video of Johnson barrelling straight into a ten-year-old schoolboy during a visit to Tokyo in 2015. Now it seems that unfortunate boy was simply the dummy run – a training exercise for the real ‘invisible mugger’ to come. If all it took to stop COVID-19 was an ill-timed rugby tackle, we could sleep soundly. It turns out it’s a bit more complicated than that.

The fundamental problem here is category error. Johnson was never meant to be a ‘wartime’ Prime Minister, or even a vaguely serious one at that. We liked him because he smashed through polystyrene walls on Brexit-themed JCBs. The formula worked fine when the problems on the in-tray were hypothetical, but now it’s all getting a bit too real. Getting angry at Johnson for failing to behave like a serious politician at this point is like casting Jamie Laing and Spencer Matthews in Waiting for Godot, and then demanding a refund because you weren’t sufficiently moved. It was never gonna happen, pal.

Still, if the enemy here is ‘invisible’, at least we can be grateful for some highly visible heroes. Chief among them is, of course, newly crowned chart-topper Captain Tom Moore. Having raised nearly £30million for ‘NHS Charities Together’ at the time of writing, you have to take your hat off to him. However, there is something a little unedifying about watching a 99-year-old struggle up and down his garden to raise money for a National Health Service built on the founding principle that ‘it is not a “charity”’.

Besides, how long until the goodwill runs out? Much as we’d love him to, Captain Tom can’t alleviate the anxieties of an entire nation by himself. Surely, it’s only a matter of time until every Brit over the age of 85 is sanctioned with enforced periods of physical exercise, providing tabloids with an unending supply of heart-warming material. As Moore will soon discover, anyone dubbed ‘inspirational’ by the red-tops is playing a race against time. If I were him, I’d be thinking of ways to keep that spotlight from flitting off elsewhere – laps of the North Circular rather than just his garden for instance. That would surely keep the nation going.

Until that day comes however, Johnson’s buller optimism will have to do. “In spite of all the suffering, we have so nearly succeeded,” he told reporters on Monday. Unless ‘nearly succeeded’ is an Etonian euphemism for ‘shattering defeat’, this was a horrific case of misreading the room. For a man desperate to go down in history alongside his hero Churchill, Johnson suddenly looks dangerously out of his depth. It turns out the thick sheen of carefully cultivated eccentricity which has carried him this far is less fun when thousands of lives are on the line. We might need a few more laps from Captain Tom yet.

Student sets up ‘Bridge of Charity’ outside station

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An Oxford DPhil student has set up ‘Bridge of Charity’, an initiative where donated bags of food and basic necessities are hung on the pedestrian bridge outside Oxford train station. It is designed to combat food poverty while resources are under pressure during the pandemic.

Alexandra Fergen, studying for a DPhil in Modern History at Merton, encourages volunteers to fill a bag with essentials and write the contents on the bag. They can then be collected for free by people who need them. The initiative is inspired by the Gabenzäune (donation fences) seen around Germany, her home country.

The initiative has already been well received. After the first day, many of the bags were taken overnight and were replaced with new donations.

Fergen told Cherwell: “Bridge of Charity is a local initiative that I am organising in response to that pandemic. It basically seeks to help those who lack the money or access to basic goods and other necessities in these difficult times.

“I’m setting this up is because research shows that the pandemic has exacerbated food insecurity in the UK and many people are being are forced to skip meals. Many food banks and soup kitchens and other charities that are really important are closed or only offering limited services. As lockdown continues and as the number of cases increases, food insecurity becomes an ever-growing problem.

“The beauty of this initiative is that there is no middle man. It’s easy and its self-sufficient, but it really depends on the community and people’s willingness to participate. I hope that it will be welcomed here as well. I decided to set it up on a bridge, this particular bridge because of its central location of course, but also more generally because of its symbolism. A bridge is symbolic of community, cooperation, and support.”

The initiative can be found on Facebook and Instagram, and people are encouraged to post pictures of their contributions with #bridgeofcharityoxford.

Image provided by Alexandra Fergen

Cinema: The venue transcending the visual

Maybe if I had known, I’d have stopped to take a picture. I’d have kept that ticket. Maybe if I’d known, I would have made sure I wasn’t “too busy” to catch another movie the following Saturday. Maybe… maybe… maybe, if it hadn’t been our last, the memories of it would have been blurred with countless others a long time ago. The memory of the last time we went to that two-screen retro cinema, weeks before it closed down. 

For someone who finds loud noises, flashing lights in dark rooms, and the enhanced presence of strangers ridiculously overwhelming, the old cinema a couple of miles away from her home should not be enlisted as one of my favourite places to be. And yet, there I was, silent tears falling down my face when I heard the news. The Picturehouse has been shut down. Had run out of business. Online streaming platforms had usurped its place as entertainment provider on weekends and Friday afternoons. 

I couldn’t believe it. Don’t get me wrong. I’m as big a fan as anyone of slumping in bed with my laptop, watching the latest addictive show till the early hours of the morning with a bag of crisps by my side. It’s an incredibly simple thing to do, and entertainment is almost certainly guaranteed. But it’s never quite right. It’s never quite the same as having that experience of watching something on the big screen for the first time, popcorn and Coke neatly placed on each side. 

There’s something about sitting in (lord only knows) how many years old couch chairs that will never be able to smell of anything but popcorn, with surrounding speakers blasting out the opening titles’ tune, that no comfy bed, no sofa nor lounge at home, will ever be able to replicate. There’s something about seeing the silhouette of that same stranger, a couple of rows in front, every new MCU opening night, smell of cheese nachos coming from their seat, that no marathon at home in your Spider-Man onesie will ever be able to bring back. There’s something about slurping away on your drink – accidentally biting into the straw as the action on the screen becomes a bit much – silently praying that you didn’t drink it all too fast, that you’ll make it through the film without being interrupted by an inconvenient trip to the bathroom – that having a “stop” and “rewind” function on your laptop can never even attempt to simulate. 

It wasn’t the entertainment that came from watching a film on a Saturday evening that my tears were mourning after the loss of our local retro cinema. It was the experience. It was the particular convergence of sensory stimuli at one specific moment in time, trapped in my memories forever in association with the latest film release.

They all flash in front of me as I type these words on the page, creating a movie of their own as they intertwine. Bringing the ice-cream flavoured times of childhood summer afternoons spent in that dark room – running away from the heat, desperate for some aircon – together with those Friday nights fourteen-year-old me would spent third-wheeling my best friends on their date – would they actually kiss this time?  

As far as that space was concerned, no matter who we were, how we dressed, smelled, ate, we were always welcome. There would always be something to watch. A horror movie on Valentine’s Day, and romcom on Halloween. A post-break up, latest YA adaptation, an old classic – usually a musical – being shown every three month. It always seemed to have an answer, even if it only kept us occupied for a couple of hours. 

But I suppose that’s just the thing: it was always more than short-term entertainment as a form of escapism. It was more than just a convenient “hang-out” spot for puppy love and overly warm nights. No. It was a constant in our lives. 

It’s been quite some time since I’ve visited the site. Been quite some time since the credits rolled up. And yet, I seem to lie here waiting for a post-credit scene. A last 24 seconds to bid it goodbye. To thank it for the memories, for the experiences it enabled me to have. 

I wonder what those 24 seconds will smell like. Will it be the Christmas ensemble of freshly gifted perfumes, and rather salty popcorn? Will Skywalker blue be the colour that lights up the finale? Will it sound like Célene Dion, professing her love one last time? Or maybe like Alexandre Desplat, harmonising along to Turing’s decoding of Enigma? Will it taste like cheap lipstick and nacho cheese? 

With nothing but speculation and two decades of memories worth of possibilities, there is one thing I can assure. I know those 24 seconds will feel like home. 

Mastering the group-watch with cheap horror flicks

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The credits start to roll once the house is completely overwhelmed by fire. The monster is somewhere inside, and it’s already been defeated. This scene is a burial. Whatever remains of the horror is being eradicated somewhere in front of us, beneath splintering wood, cracking plaster, and cleansing heat. When the image fades to black I peel my eyes away from the slow scroll of names, and I’m back in my room, alone. Somehow it is already 3am. Mirrors, books, windows – everything around me is re-enchanted with mystery and potential. 

On my other monitor, flickering green rings around their Discord avatars show me that several of my friends are experiencing a similar sensation. I’ve had the VoIP app open for the whole movie, and typically there’s a buzz of commentary that makes this kind of viewing distinct from that of a cinema. But everyone has been totally silent for these closing scenes. Now, as we reintegrate into the world, the noise resumes. 

‘Absolute crap’

‘Goopiest and horniest one so far. I loved it’

‘The director was absolutely telling on himself’

I’ve been watching films with this group of people for years now, though the particular configuration often shifts around. Some of them are friends from home. For them, this is a convenient evolution of an older hobby now that adult life has spread us all out. Others I have never met in real life, but our similar taste and sense of humour makes them perfect viewing companions. This kind of remote movie-going is becoming increasingly popular. The Google Chrome plugin Netflix Party, which synchronises streaming, now has over 9 million downloads – its growth undoubtedly hastened by social distancing rules. Changes in the way we consume cinema correspond to changes in the kind of films we watch. For us, group viewing has always lent itself to the horrors of the late 70s and early 80s. 

Your stereotypical Awful Film Fan gravitates towards the inversion of arthouse directors. The sparse action and long running time of a Tarkovsky, Herzog, or Ozu gives them plenty of time to cogitate new ways of overintellectualising their hobby, while also rendering inaccessibly private the heady ruminations of their boring genius. By contrast there is an immediate and communal appeal to horror schlock. From 1975 onwards this whole genre is dominated by synth-heavy soundtracks, animatronics coated in latex and slime, and the sneaking suspicion that you’re watching someone displace a complicated fetish. The films of Carpenter, Argento, and Cronenberg are often sneered at as lowbrow because of their simple plots and reliance on suspended disbelief, but this is silly. It is precisely these qualities, along with acting that you might generously call ‘enthusiastically blunt,’ which renders them perfect for group viewings.

Cracking jokes or remaining silent forms a paratext that would be impolite to replicate in the cinema. By viewing these movies together you are placed into a reciprocal relationship with the filmmaker, complicit in the creation of creeping dread or comic release. The group-watch is a kind of performative aestheticism in that regard, which perfectly mirrors the unashamedly camp quality of what you’re watching. This is something that is lost in a lot of reimaginings, and one reason why Luca Guadagnino’s 2018 remake of Dario Argento’s Suspiria (1977) fell so flat.

Horror movies are defined by intertextuality, but thankfully for us all I can defer the task of exegesis to the communities of fans online. Letterboxd, one particular point of concentration, allows users to log and rate films they have seen, lending film consumption a completionist edge. It also promotes user-created lists, encouraging deep-dives into obscure and ephemeral sub-genres in a way that historic taste-arbiters IMDb and RottenTomatoes fail to. There is a real sense of exploration as you work your way into a catalogue of films that have been largely forgotten after a limited theatrical release, based on nothing but the recommendation of someone called ‘Giallo_pudding_Pop.’ Many of these films, to put it lightly, will be crap. Other times you will find something like the Australian slasher Next of Kin (1982), a film so staggeringly underrated that it incentivises you to write a Cherwell article. Either way, exploring these things with your friends will probably be a good time. 

As music consumption shifted online we saw an explosion of innovation on sites like Soundcloud and Bandcamp. Artists were given easy access to niche material that had previously been all but lost. The market is currently too small for many of these horrors to be restored, or uploaded to big streaming sites. This marginality is reflected in the mediocre financial performance of films like Peter Strickland’s In Fabric (2018) and Anna Biller’s The Love Witch (2016), both excellent homages to the period. Perhaps this will change now. When we are once again allowed into the sunlight, who knows whether the communities  developing around the group-watch will find a way to fully reanimate the shambling spirit of mid-century horror. 

Review: The Artist’s Way

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This is both a book review and a book recommendation. Julia Cameron’s book – The Artist’s Way – is the perfect book to pick up, read, and do during isolation. It’s not a new book by any means. It was first published in 1992 but it remains important and useful today. The essence of the book is about rediscovering or discovering your creative self. I’m hoping this review will persuade you to read the book itself but, at the very least, try some of her key practises for a week even if you are tempted to deride it as ‘spiritual nonsense’.  

A recent feature in the Sunday Times on Julia Cameron described her as ‘The Original self-help Guru’. Julia Cameron, commenting on the current lockdown, said “Westerners have a hard time doing nothing. Writing is empowering.” Julia Cameron already lives in her own sort of ‘splendid isolation’ in the New Mexico Mountains with her dog. She has no email. No social media. But she does have a phone for use in emergencies, or magazine interviews with the Sunday Times. In case you’re doubting the commitment of Julia Cameron, she writes everything by hand – including her books – and writes cards rather than emails to her friends. She has published forty books and has lots of penpals. 

The essence of the artist’s way is two key practises; ‘morning pages’ and ‘the artist’s date’. Morning pages should be done every day without fail. They should be 3 sides of A4 paper, handwritten (if possible), and come totally from your stream of consciousness. You do not re-read them until Week 9 of the course. It is as simple as that. The second tool – the artist’s date – involves doing something by yourself just for the sake of it. Cameron suggests shooting a whole roll of film and not showing it to anyone. Ironically, film was in fashion when she wrote the book and now #35mm is everywhere again. 

The rest of the book is exceptional at helping you to identify what helps you be creative and what holds you back. It is also extremely revealing but it might put some people off because it involves more self-reflection than most British people are comfortable with. I’m in the 10th week of ‘The Artist Way’s’ 12-week program. I haven’t read my morning pages back yet but I was meant to in week 9, you don’t have to stick totally to the rules but I look forward to reading them after exams are done. I’ve written for 60 days and counting and it doesn’t matter that most of it is nonsense. Morning pages have helped me start a radio show, develop a short story and even write this article.

It shouldn’t take successful people to get us to try something, but it normally does. Morning Pages have been used by so many people to help them out of a creative rut, some were admittedly creative before but many others are scientists or lawyers or are just people who want to get back into painting or writing after a long hiatus. The famous people include Alicia Keys, Helmut Newton and the ‘inventor’ of the four day week – Tim Ferriss and, last but not least, Elizabeth Gilbert – the author of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’. Don’t wait till after exams, don’t wait till you’ve got your perfect new paper pad or journal. Start tomorrow morning as soon as you wake up. 

I’d like to finish with three quotes from Julia Camera, which summarise the book and specifically morning pages. 

“There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages” 

“You’re trying to catch yourself before your ego’s defences are in place.”

“The second page-and-a-half comes harder, but often contains paydirt.”

Being Ugly: Why We are Not All Beautiful (and that is okay)

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The way which our society regards beauty, is ugly. While there exists a great deal of criticism for when beauty is given more authority than is warranted, many of the problematic ways that we talk about looks often go unquestioned. Saccharin statements such as “everybody is beautiful”, for the most part, are overlooked because of their well-meaning nature, but, regardless of intent, they deserve to be critiqued.

For one, not everybody is beautiful. While everyone is beautiful to someone, no one is beautiful to everyone. Whether or not one adheres to modern beauty standards, we are all more than aware that, with regards to looks, not everybody is equal. Yet, not only do statements that assert that “everybody is beautiful” suggest the contrary, they also imply that there is some sort of objectivity in beauty, as if all beauty can be categorically measured and that we can all come to the same conclusion: we are all beautiful. Both of these ideas are incredibly fallacious and, thus, the statement itself lacks a real foundation, rendering it meaningless.

Furthermore, the fact that it is a blanket statement, in itself, weakens its authority, as it seems insincere. Rather paradoxically, when the scope of compliments, such as these widens from an individual (“you are beautiful”) to a group (“we are beautiful”), it does not follow that the statement is believed by more people but, rather, on an individual level, it is taken less personally and is less effective; it follows, then, that, when the scope is widened to every human being on earth (“everybody is beautiful”), the statement becomes meaningless. Whether someone has always been called beautiful or never been called beautiful, reading that “everyone is beautiful”, will do nothing.

Unfortunately, when these statements have no impact, that is the best-case scenario. The reality is, these statements only act to further perpetuate the inequalities of beauty. When, in response to accusations of ugliness we say the opposite is true, we then tie our value as human beings to our appearance, suggesting that it should matter whether we are perceived to be beautiful or not.

It would be ignorant to pretend that the more beautiful among us do not have privileges based purely on their looks; not only are they often judged to be more intelligent than the average person but, more beautiful criminals are more likely to have judges give them lighter sentences (according to Haidt’s The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion ). In this way, we can see that our unconscious biases with regards to beauty have very real consequences; does it not then follow, that we should make a conscious effort to diminish the value and power that beauty has within our society. Rather than saying that we are all beautiful, why not admit that, while we may not all be the most good-looking, beauty is meaningless.

As Santayana suggests in The Sense of Beauty, beauty “is pleasure objectified”. It has aesthetic value and our world would be far bleaker without it yet, beyond the pleasure which it brings, it is effectively useless and should not govern how we treat one another. While the idea that one should not judge a book by its cover is not a particularly controversial one, these sayings are often not put into practice. Our preference for the more beautiful is so deeply ingrained within us all, that we truly need to make a conscious effort in order to overcome it. Meaningless platitudes like “we are all beautiful” do not serve our best interests and, instead, hold us back.

While we can eat well and exercise, for the most part, beauty on an individual level is based purely on luck and so, is no more an indicator of our value as people than our eye colour. My beauty, or lack thereof, is of concern to myself alone. I want to have the right to be ugly and to be respected, to have my accomplishments not diminished by my inability to adhere to Eurocentric beauty standards. It is impossible for everyone to be beautiful, and that is okay. Ugliness should not be rejected, as that only suggests that it has a value beyond surface level.

Beautiful or ugly, regardless of how my appearance is perceived, I know my worth.

‘L’appetito viene mangiando’: why Southern Italian food is the best in the world

‘L’appetito viene mangiando’ literally means ‘your appetite comes when you eat’. Used half-jokingly to justify squeezing in yet another plate of pasta, my Zio Mario’s maxim says a lot about Southern Italian food. Why waste time tweezering gold leaf onto your desert, sprinkling your soup with tiny jellied pansies or arranging a helping of potato wedges into an ornate Jenga stack when you could just eat it? He would tell you to just put the food in your mouth – that’s when the best bit comes.

My family, based in Campania, a bit further down from the Amalfi Coast and inland of the island of Capri, are gobby creatures in all senses of the word – they love using the holes in their faces to talk (or rather, shout) as much as they love filling them with food. This seems to make sense to me, since when we talk we share ourselves with one another, just as we do when we eat. Despite Italians loving chit chat – I can’t go 10 steps in Italy without Nonna stopping for a three hour chat with a nearby man/woman/stray cat whom she claims we are ‘related’ to – there’s something that their cooking which words cannot express. This explains the series of hand gestures or sayings they’ve developed; my Zio Anthony, upon finishing a particularly tasty dish of insalata di polpo (fresh octopus salad) last summer, drops his fork, closes his eyes and whispers ‘fine del mundo’ – his seafood is so good it has literally caused ‘the end of the world.’ A bit much if you ask me, but it attempts to evoke the feeling only a carbonara, lasagne or cannolo can.

It’s incredibly pretentious to describe Southern Italian food as a ‘multi-sensory experience’. But the heat appears to actually make the food better: whether it’s from helping the growth and flavour of ingredients or speeding up cooking time, the Mediterranean sun does have a certain magic in making dishes fall perfectly together. The views help it taste better too – the town of Agropoli is home to Ristorante Barbanera, overlooking the Cilento coast and harbour (pictured). The ocean-eyed Aldo graces our table with plates of frittura di pesce (fried calamari, prawns and sardines), spaghetti alle vongole and antipasti con ricotta e bocconcini (lil mozzarella balls – incred), which are as tasty as the Instagram content my brother harvests from the seascape. The Campanian hills, about an hour or so from Vesuvius, are just as majestic as the iconic buffalo they home and the mozzarella and ricotta produced in the region. Both are a staple for both tourists and locals; a local (Dad likes to say ‘cousin’) of Capaccio used to supply cheese to Jamie Oliver.

Cilento’s harbour

My Zio Ninuccio remembers aged 14 receiving pieces of chocolate from American soldiers upon the liberation of Capaccio from the Nazis in 1943. The hilltop town houses Bar Centrale and Ristorante Pizzeria U’Scugnizzo (the ‘Street Urchin’), again places at which I’ve enjoyed eating since a young child. My mum and I stroll around the Giardini, pistacchio and nocciola gelato in hand, just as we did ten years ago. Maybe it’s the slower pace of life– good luck finding a shop open between midday and 7pm during July or August– but things do seem a lot simpler down there, from the snail-paced daily routine to the small pool of ingredients people choose to eat from. New Year has seen my annual pledge to vegetarianism and my subsequent tirade of excuses: ‘No, I am an eco-warrior but, I just, it’s so hard to find meat-free alternatives know what I mean’ (absolute rubbish, I am well aware). When pigs fly and JP Morgan finally comes knocking on the door having seen my LinkedIn profile, and I can therefore afford my second home on the Amalfi Coast, it will be incredibly easy to go veggie: the Southern Italian diet excludes a lot of meat, the heat not conducive for lush, grazeable pastures.

Product of an English mum (says sorry a lot, can’t get a tan) and Italian dad (aggressively gesticulates when drunk), the Mediterranean lifestyle has always been a source of intrigue for me. In particular, there’s always seemed a hushed secret to the inexplicable wonder of the cooking; not only are seats at all the best eateries dished out only by word of mouth, but in Hastings, East Sussex, my Nonna or Grandma Carmela makes it very clear that the kitchen is strictly her terrain, before emerging hours later with a plate of unfathomable deliciousness. Upon offering my services for the umpteenth time, and for the umpteenth time being told to jog on, I wonder what it is that attracts Nonna to such laborious dishes. She spends over five hours every Easter whipping up a Neopolitan Easter cake, a Pastiera. Don’t get me wrong, I will stuff my face when it’s completed, but doesn’t it make for a lot of work? Under the joys of lockdown, this Easter I tried to replicate my own version, pulling out what appeared to be a simple set of instructions from my Dad’s box of recipes. 45 minutes later I am scrunched on the floor in tears, egg in hair, apron tossed across the kitchen: ‘Scrap that.’ I’m one for traditions, but I had to draw the line somewhere.

Perhaps my incompatibility with the kitchen flags yet another problem with the snowflake generation. My Dad rams the phrase ‘labour of love’ down my throat multiple times when justifying the unnecessarily long amount of time taken for a good risotto. I’m learning that it is just as much a ‘love of the labour’, an enjoyment of meals from their conception to consumption. Whereas I might drag myself on a ‘welfare walk’ around Uni Parks or give my dogs a cuddle if I’m feeling a bit down (they’re desperate for lockdown to end), Carmela will rustle up a warming minestrone soup. For my Mediterranean relatives, food is intrinsic to an idea of ‘home’: its appearance is as rustic as the slightly dishevelled towns in which it is created, but its flavour is also just as rich with cultural history. With one of the oldest populations in Europe, it is no surprise that mealtimes in Southern Italy to this day remain a family affair.

The best food I’ve had in Italy is always at the table of my Zia Rina, who, at the end of the sweaty slog from Naples airport, rewards us with a plate of pasta al forno (sort of like a meat pasta bake with boiled egg – just go with it). I never used to get why my Dad would tear up upon tasting his own parmigiana (bit arrogant if you ask me), or why he would find it impossible to watch that scene in Ratatouille without openly weeping. For him, and increasingly for me, making gnocchi and listening to the national anthem before Italy play in a football match (we still don’t talk about the 2018 World Cup) serve a similar purpose: both turn the drizzle of our sleepy Somerset village into the bright June sun of Capaccio in 1982, a year in which, Italo stresses, Italy not only qualified for but won the World Cup. Lockdown is proving tricky for many reasons, but the lack of human contact is especially difficult for one of the cuddliest populations in the world; it might be some time before I get to experience the cheek-pinching ciaos and double-kissed arrividercis of my family, but in the meantime getting a tomato-y hug from my Dad’s pasta will have to do. Even writing about it has cured my hunger to be in Italy, just a little bit.

Image by Wiki images

NT Live’s Twelfth Night: Review

The French philosopher and moralist Jean de la Bruyère once remarked “life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think”. Simon Godwin’s production of ‘Twelfth Night’ defies the satirist; whichever way one may look at the gender-swapping Malvolia, one is left with an abundance of compassion for the much-maligned character, masterfully portrayed by Tamsin Greig.

As Godwin confesses, ‘Twelfth Night’ is a comedy that is rarely comedically played out on stage, hence, he set himself the goal of lavishly regaling his audience. In this the National Theatre has rambunctiously succeeded. The fountain as a character is animated in many a playful scene. The jester puts on colourful tights and hippie clothing. Countess Olivia blatantly seduces a hapless Cesario (cross-dressed by Viola) in the swimming pool, erotically flashing her thighs. Godwin’s ‘Twelfth Night’ is a visual feast, laden with absurd, mockable attire and action, which somehow manages to only contribute to the laughter induced.

Beyond its label as a comedy and the presence of many an absurdly mirthful sentence, the play is riddled with cruelty, of fate and of humans. The twin siblings, Viola and Sebastian, are separated by a shipwreck, leaving each alone to fend for themselves and in the belief that the other is dead. Countess Olivia presides over a sumptuous household containing a resourceful jester (Feste), and inhabited by her Bacchic uncle, Sir Toby and his silly dandy of a friend, Sir Andrew Aguecheek. The latter proves a visual and metaphorical ray of sunshine as he changes between his bright-coloured Rupert Bear trousers and flashes his thigh by the pool when wrapped in a kimono. Yet we see Countess Olivia predominantly in black, the colour of mourning, as she has refused to step out of her grief for seven years upon the successive losses of her father and brother. Indeed, as Fox’s Olivia remarks about Malvolia, ‘she’s sad and civil, and suits well for a servant with my fortune. / I am as mad as she, if sad and merry madness equal be.’ The Count Orsino, played by Oliver Chris as the starry-eyed, brainless toff, spends most of his days pining over a reclusive Olivia. Even the jester, whose function is to provide laughter, delivers a melodic rendering of man’s loneliness even at the point of death: “my part of death, no one so true did share it. Not a friend, not a flower sweet, On way black coffin let there be strewn, Not a friend, not a friend greet, My poor corpse, where my bones shall be thrown.” The depressing and depressed Malvolia faces a cruel twist of fate; her newly arrived stage of happiness is immediately snatched away as she gets tied up, blindfolded and locked up in a dark house. Yet what distinguishes this production is that, amidst this backdrop of endless melancholy, the audience is entertained throughout the evening. One emerges from the experience, strangely enough, with hope.

Part of the hope comes from the happy ending after many a mismatch of gender and love. The exquisite love triangle – Orsino wishes to marry Olivia, sending Cesario to woo her; whilst Cesario, who is really Viola, pines after their master and fearfully runs away from Olivia’s erotic advances. The hopeless debacle is mercifully ended by the appearance of Viola’s twin brother, Sebastian, on the scene. Tamara Lawrence is eminently believable in her androgyny and convincingly pulls off the romantic yearning of an inexperienced teenager. After the un-anticipated kiss with her master, Orsino, which the latter supposedly wanted her to convey to Olivia, Lawrence’s Viola sits on a chair and ecstatically jitters into the air like a child who has just been given a massive sweet. The physical comedy smartly captures her rueful credulity. Fox’s Olivia requires a vast emotional range as she sways between extreme grief and forceful erotic pursuits. Fox first struck me as affected, trying too hard to convey the majesty of an aristocratic mistress as to evoke bathos. Yet as the play goes on, I find myself wondering- is this contrivedness an accurate reading of Olivia’s emotional state? The bereaved daughter and sister perhaps only wishes to be left alone to grieve, yet she has to entertain her boisterous uncle and his company in her house as well as responding to Orsini’s relentless requests. Perhaps this contrivedness is a manifestation of Olivia’s strenuous effort to deal with such intrusions to her private peace?

Tamsin Greig reigns superbly in this massive ensemble cast, rendering a most visually outrageous and yet infinitely compassionate portrayal of Malvolia. However, one may feel about the merits of gender-swapping here, this production has no doubt succeeded in its endeavour to fundamentally feminize the role for Greig. Her bee-like yellow tights and the corresponding close-gartering, with electric fans on her breasts, look every inch the womanly attire. As Greig concedes to the Guardian, Malvolia is no doubt a Puritanical bully, yet she is the victim of her own circumstances. Her controlling nature (comically played out through her exasperated re-arrangement of plant pots and the determination to make sense of the pronunciation of a word) and moralistic berating of others are manifestations of a person overwhelmed by the uncontrollable chaos that has beset her life, and hence, desperately trying to regain order and control. Alas, her idea of order is closely married to her Puritan ways, which stand as the staunch opposite of the merry ways of the rest of the household. Indeed, Sir Toby cries, ‘out of tune, Lady. Ye lie. Art any more than a steward? Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there should be no more cakes and ale?’ The belittlement of her social status illuminates yet another aspect of Malvolia’s struggle- she is a social upstart. Her credulity at the fabricated declaration of love (from Olivia, though deceitfully written by Maria, the maid, pretending to be the former without the former’s knowledge) is made more explainable given her desperate attempt to escape the insecurity in her life. What could prove more stable than becoming Countess Malvolia in a society dominated by power, station and wealth? Without having been “born great”, and failing to “achieve greatness”, her only recourse seems to “have greatness thrust upon” her. Her immediate transformation from a sour-tongued and bitter-tempered Puritan to a clownishly gleeful seducer seems to testify to the perhaps clichedly phrased lyric, ‘Love is all you need’. Yes, Malvolia is not a nice person. Yes, she does spoil joy. But one cannot help but overwhelmingly sympathise with her and wish her well. This sentiment is reinforced by the undeserved cruelty that became her treatment at the rest of the household. As the Aristotle insightfully pointed out, the tragedy is made greater by its hamartia-induced peripeteia. And one can feel the more spiritually cleansed by the overwhelming tenderness one experiences at the stage of anagnorisis. Shakespeare astutely juxtaposes Malvolia’s fleeting ecstasy with her subsequent entrapment and disillusionment, evoking infinite pathos.

The lyricism and melody of Shakespeare’s verses are given marvellous expression by the musical compositions of the show. Machichan, who plays Feste, has a sweet voice that manages to convey the utmost poignancy in an angelic delivery.

In the end, one leaves the production with a sense of tender hope and perhaps a slightly irritated throat after such uproarious laughter. I am reminded of Lear’s Fool’s declaration, “thou wouldst make a good fool”. Against the tumultuous tides of fate, we’re perhaps all a bit helpless in our station, no matter how earnest our efforts. Perhaps the joy of an absurd comedy is that every character comes across as a fool in their respective plots and, yet, one’s understanding of human folly, and therefore, compassion for it, is made ever keener. Present mirth need not only have present laughter.

Oxford backs COVID-19 tracking study

The University has announced that it will be supporting a new government study to track coronavirus in the general population.

The study aims to improve understanding about the current rate of infection and how many people are likely to have developed immunity.

Twenty thousand households in England will be contacted to take part in the first wave of the major study, with hopes it will reach up to 300,000 people in the next year. Participants will form a representative sample of the entire UK population by age and geography.

Participants will self-administer nose and throat swabs as well as answering a few questions from a health worker. These tests will reveal whether or not they have been infected with the virus. Some will also provide blood samples which can be examined to determine what proportion of the population have developed antibodies to COVID-19.

Initial findings are expected to be available in early May.

The study is led by the Department for Health and Social Care (DHSC) and the Office for National Statistics (ONS), drawing on the scientific expertise of the University. It is also backed by the data science company IQVIA UK and the National Biosample Centre in Milton Keynes.

Professor Sarah Walker of the University of Oxford Nuffield Department of Medicine will be the Chief Investigator for the study. Walker said: “This is one of the largest and most important studies underway into the COVID-19 virus and will transform our understanding of the infection. The University of Oxford is delighted to be the study sponsor.

“In this study we want to work out how many people of different ages across the UK have Covid-19 now and how many have had Covid-19 in the past. We do this by testing for the virus in the nose and throat of people and by measuring levels of antibody in the blood.

“We also want to find out how many people have Covid-19 over time – either with symptoms or without knowing they have the infection because they don’t have any symptoms. We want to do this in a group of people that reflects the population of the UK, so a range of ages and places where people live.”

Health Secretary Matt Hancock said: “Understanding more about the rate of COVID-19 infection in the general population, and the longer-term prevalence of antibodies, is a vital part of our ongoing response to this virus.

“This survey will help to track the current extent of transmission and infection in the UK, while also answering crucial questions about immunity as we continue to build up our understanding of this new virus.

“Together, these results will help us better understand the spread of the virus to date, predict the future trajectory and inform future action we take, including crucially the development of ground-breaking new tests and treatments.”

Image Credit to Felipe Esquivel Reed/ Wikimedia Commons

Big White Wall to give students 24/7 mental health support

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Oxford University has signed up to Big White Wall, an online community offering 24/7 mental health support for issues such as exam stress, depression, and anxiety. The services provided by this platform include online courses overseen by health professionals, creative tools for expression, and one-on-one therapy with experienced counsellors.

Big White Wall is an online platform aimed at supporting its members to actively manage their mental health care, under the guidance of caregivers, fellow users and clinicians. The platform’s content is moderated at all hours by professionally trained Wall Guides and will be used by the University to complement its counselling service.

The University described the move as “timely”, given the global health pandemic and its implications for mental wellbeing, while also presenting the decision as part of their ongoing commitment towards mental health support for students. 

In October of last year, the University’s new Student Wellbeing and Mental Health Strategy was announced, which planned to build on the £2.7 million spent on welfare services in 2018-19 and “embed wellbeing into all aspects of students’ university life, from learning and life skills to community, inclusion and support.” The decision to sign up to Big White Wall comes as the latest demonstration of this commitment.

So far, the service is being offered in 95 other higher education institutions across the UK and is used by over 20,000 members each month. Gillian Hamnett, Director of Student Welfare and Support, said: “Supporting our students’ wellbeing and mental health is a key priority for the University, and we recognise that the pandemic is a particularly worrying time. 

“By expanding our existing provision with Big White Wall we hope to provide opportunities for all of our students to seek help 24/7 from wherever they are in the world. The move to remote learning is challenging for the whole community and we want our students to feel as connected and supported as possible.”

Henry Jones, CEO of Big White Wall, said: “To welcome a world-renowned university such as Oxford is a milestone in our student offering. In such isolating times, I am confident that offering a 24-hour community with a large student population will support students through the next few turbulent months and throughout the rest of their university life.”

Big White Wall can be accessed via the official website, where students can use their Oxford email to register as part of the ‘I’m from a university or college’ page.

Image by Tumisu from Pixabay