Sunday, May 18, 2025
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Review of ‘Intermezzo’: Chess, law, and the philosophy of language in yet another Rooney masterpiece

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I thought it perplexing that critics felt Intermezzo similar to other works by writer Sally Rooney. Certainly, it shares some familiar ingredients: it’s set (mostly) in Dublin, explores personal relationships, and the characters seem to have perpetually miserable lives. Yet the resemblance stops there. Rooney’s new book is a bold exploration of love and grief, and an exposition of how not all of life’s problems can be solved by logic and intelligence.

The epigraph of Intermezzo is taken from Part II of Ludwig Wittgenstein’s Philosophical Investigations: Aber fühlst du nicht jetzt den Kummer? (Aber spielst du nicht jetzt Schach?) (But don’t you feel grief now? (But aren’t you now playing chess?)) The (nonsensical) question is posed in the context of ‘language games,’ a central tenet in Wittgenstein’s philosophy in which he rejects a general definition of language or words and adopts instead the ‘meaning as use’ concept. In this view, words (or sentences) do not have set definitions; their meaning depends instead on how they are used. 

Take the word ‘game’ (spiele). What’s a game? The problem isn’t that the reader cannot conjure one singular definition of ‘game’; rather, the meaning of the word changes depending on the context in which it is used. Wimbledon is no hide-and-seek, say. Above, Wittgenstein discusses grief as a pattern (Muster) that weaves through life: though the statement “I do feel grief now” is logically permissible, such a response fails to capture the atemporal and personal nature of grief. 

Indeed, much like grief, philosophy and logic are deeply woven into the fabric of Intermezzo. Peter and Ivan Koubek are brothers. Peter is a successful barrister and Ivan is a chess prodigy. In typical Rooney fashion, the story revolves around love in its various instantiations: the Koubek brothers’ love for their late father, Ivan’s love for an older woman, and Peter’s love for his former partner – who is unable to have sex due to a recent accident – and his current, more youthful companion. 

The central struggle is one between the brothers. They deeply resent each other, despite sharing many similarities: Ivan and Peter are both highly intelligent, and they both have careers that use logic to solve complex problems. They are also both entangled in complicated age-gap relationships. The law, of course, is a much more social profession than chess, and the shared dating dilemma seems to alienate rather than unite the pair. 

Take the following exchange. At dinner, Ivan calls Peter brave for speaking in court every day. In response, Peter says: “Not if you were good at it. No. It’s easy to do things you’re already good at, that’s not courageous. … We’re being hard on ourselves in a way, … because both our lives involve some voluntary exposure to what other people might call defeat. Which I think requires a certain degree of courage. Even if just psychologically.”

To which Ivan responds: “I don’t know. I don’t think I cope with it all too well. It bothers me a lot to lose.” Peter replies: “It bothers me a lot too.”

In many ways, both characters embody their professions. Peter is cool, calm and composed, adept in social situations and difficult conversations. Yet like the law, when faced with a moral dilemma and unorthodox arrangement he suffers a complete meltdown. Ivan is nervous, reflective and deeply kind; bashful as a bishop, yet he is unafraid to trade and make sacrifices for the people he loves.

By setting grief beside logic, and chess beside law, Rooney exposes the limits of systems that promise order while life remains defiantly unruly. The Koubek brothers’ problems are never solved by the cold elegance of an opening or an overlooked precedent; instead, they are revealed, move by messy move, as an attempt to translate private anguish into language that others might understand.

That effort, Rooney suggests, is the real game. One without clear rules, clocks or victors. When the novel closes, nothing has been solved, yet something has shifted: grief is acknowledged, love is embraced, and the silence between two men sounds a little less deafening. If earlier Rooney books questioned whether intimacy could survive economics, Intermezzo asks whether it can survive logic itself. The answer is qualified but hopeful, delivered in prose that slips between clinical precision and romantic ache.

So yes, the novel still roams Dublin streets and features fearful millennials in messy relationships. But to dismiss it as more of the same is to miss the daring way Rooney turns a philosophical foil into a fierce tale of love and loss. Readers willing to sit with ambiguity – who can bear, for a while, to feel grief now – will find in Intermezzo the author’s most incisive and, paradoxically, consoling work to date.

Review: Oxford Opera Society enters the bullring for Bizet’s ‘Carmen’

If you recall Pixar’s UP, a comedy where an old man balloons with his dog to South America, a funny moment appears in Carl’s morning routine: the agonizingly slow stairlift in his house. What makes this scene funny is the tune we hear, all its tension, frustration, and sauciness – and that tune comes from Carmen

Set in southern Spain, the opera follows a Gitano woman, Carmen (Milete Gillow), and her complex relationships with two men, the soldier Don José (Robin Whitehouse) and Escamillo (David Biccaregui) the bullfighter. Unable to handle Carmen’s rejection, Don José murders her at the very end, just before Escamillo enters the bullring. The Oxford Opera Society’s Friday night performance of the opera in the Sheldonian gave us an entertaining performance, looking past a few musical and logistical issues, but their faithful approach to Carmen’s problematic stereotypes raised questions about producers’ responsibilities today.

There were certainly many laudable moments; one of our personal favourites was the incorporation of dance into a number of scenes. Elizabeth Lee, Lilly Law, and Rosie East delighted us with graceful twists and turns in nostalgic ‘character dance’ skirts, reminiscent of primary school ballet. The fight scene between Don José and Escamillo was also enjoyable, with impressively slick flips and glanced blows.

The soloists certainly had their moments too. Act 1’s ‘Habanera’ was particularly captivating, as Carmen taunted infatuated soldiers with vocal portamento and her commanding stage presence. In Act 3, we heard Michaëla (Lucy Elston) pleading with her aria ‘Je dis que rien’, accompanied beautifully by Tommaso Rusconi on horn. Carmen’s hit tunes drew generous applause between numbers.

Although peppered by scintillating musical talent, the opera did leave much to be desired. Starting with some practical issues, the orchestra seemed thin on the ground for string players, blasted out by trombones in the ‘Overture’. At times the players seemed completely lost, such as during the tra-la-la flute number, or the offstage brass in the finale (half a beat behind). Our stellar singers were missing some key structural support from the orchestra, dragged along by rather pompous conducting. Carmen may be an opéra comique, but its passionate arias may have benefited from a little more flexibility.

Staging and lighting choices were equally confusing. A multipurpose minimalist set was awkwardly moved around for each new scene, with a couple of screws going missing in the process. Lighting was stark and abrupt – who wants mustard yellow for a love scene? 

To be fair, a seventeenth-century theatre is no ideal substitute for a modern opera house, with all its technical riggings. And don’t get us wrong: we were definitely entertained. Some of the production’s best moments came from its ingenious use of props to focus on key moments. The addition of tequila shots during the party scene was a modernising and fun addition. Carmen’s impressive castanet skills while she flirted with Don José helped draw us into the scene’s sexual tension.

But overall, the heart of Carmen seemed to have been missed. Carmen’s journey from commanding and powerful to objectified, used, and ultimately murdered, could have been a perfect platform to address issues of sexualisation and violence against women. Instead of critically engaging with the opera’s bullring of nineteenth century attitudes, Oxford Opera Society preferred to recreate them.

Take the production’s costuming, for example. Carmen’s transitions from yellow to red foreshadow the act of her murder and remind the audience of the violence to be committed against her. Carmen’s sexual liberation is her undoing, prophesied by fortune cards, and we are left with the message that unruly femininity kills. Compare this with Michaëla in her old-fashioned blue dress: Michaëla is the ‘ideal’ domestic feminine, the ‘right’ woman for Don José as she pleads him to return home in Act 3, but José is led astray by the unruly Carmen. The duality between the two women, at least in this production, seemed to align the audience with Michaëla, and condemn the dangers of women’s freedom and empowerment that Carmen represented.

Opera is a product of its time. Bizet’s Carmen reflects a misogynist, racist Third Republic France fantasising over Spanish and Gitano women whilst condemning resistance to the status quo. Why should today’s productions toe the line? Carrie Cracknell at the Met, or Johan Inger at the English National Ballet have reimagined Carmen in innovative and empowering ways, profiling the story’s darker themes. Perhaps the Oxford Opera Society should reconsider their fidelity to the score and embrace the task of interpretation in our uncertain times. Only then might they more earnestly enter the bullring of Carmen

Tailoring expectations: Couture culture shocks

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Academia has a historic relationship with fashion, both officially and unofficially. The former manifests itself in Oxford’s sub fusc – mounting costs and pressure of tradition aside, it’s at least somewhat reassuring for us to be equally as pretentious as each other.

Unofficially, however, the class disparities reveal themselves. Sure, going to a college-wide formal dinner in freshers’ week sounds great, but no one warns you about the dress code, the faux-pas you commit through a lack of cultural capital. In the same way, the visual language through which aristocratic fashion is expressed is unintelligible to me. The intricate differences between white and black tie, appropriate horse-riding wear, the luxurious yet mysterious brands embraced by those with money. This wasn’t my world.

Alternative subcultures certainly exist at Oxford – I’ve been seen a fair few times at Intrusion, Oxford’s goth club night. Yet, the dominant discourse around fashion remains steeped in tradition, like most facets of Oxford life. The degree to which certain styles are socially acceptable is in complete contrast to what I’m used to. Back home, casually wearing a suit is more than enough to earn you the title of ‘neek’, and your collection of Nike tracksuits is a status symbol of much higher value. Swap Saltburn for Top Boy, Adidas Sambas for Shoe Zone. Going to university subverted my stylistic sensibilities and demeaned my sense of self-worth – the culture of my family, friends, and peers is actively devalued, labelled ‘chavvy’ before anything else.

These tastes have trickled down to the general student population in Oxford, and even to the teen TikTokers who romanticise the University (just wait until they find out about the weekly essay grind). The intellectualism associated with the ‘dark academia’ aesthetic is watered down and diluted into neatly divided visual categories, even identities – yet in the appearance of academic discipline is all that counts. What matters is if you look like someone who would read, who would study at a prestigious university, who would speak several languages, and so on. Think dark brown colour palettes, pleated suit trousers, too much plaid, satchel bags, heeled loafers, and the cosmetic use of glasses. Although related, this look is distinct from early 2010s ‘preppy’, an ideal of the all-American adolescent, not pretending to harbour intellectual merit. Academia is now an accessory. Yet, even this emulation of the upper and middle classes is a far cry from anything I had encountered back home, where the same style would probably just indicate that you were coming home from sixth form.

The vacation periods at Oxford are very long. Every time I return either to the city or the ever beautiful Croydon, it feels as though I must readjust myself again and again, especially in my fashion choices. Some solace is achieved in carving out your niche – finding your friends, the societies you want to join, the events you want to attend. Yet, systemic problems and social disparities dating back to the foundations of both Oxford and Cambridge seep into the everyday workings of student life.

Student Spotlight: Oxford Kermit, social media sensation

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Meet the Oxford Kermit – Healthcare policy researcher by day, trenchcoat frog by night.

You must be living under a lily pad if you have not heard of – or seen on your Instagram feed – the infamous Oxford Kermit. Having amassed close to 10,000 followers in less than six months, the Kermit has conquered the hearts and minds of Oxford students and tourists alike. Known for his whimsical collaboration with colleges and departments of the University, one such post of the Kermit in iconic locations around Oxford generated over 40,000 likes and 200 comments.

Cherwell sits down with the creator behind the internet phenomenon – Josh Nguyen – for a chat over drinks at the Handlebar Café on St Michael’s Street. Frequented by hacks and Brasenose second years alike, the coffee shop was busy on a warm and sunny Monday morning. Striding in his iconic trench coat, the amphibian orders a Good Morning Smoothie – “this is probably the best smoothie I’ve ever had” – and I ask for an oat latte before we get chatting. These are edited excerpts from our conversation.

Cherwell: To get us started, why don’t you tell us a little bit about your background?

Nguyen: Sure. My name is Josh Nguyen, I am currently pursuing a MSc in Applied Digital Health at Wolfson College. I’m from Iowa originally, and I studied biology at Yale for undergrad. After that, I moved to New York for a bit and worked in consulting in the healthcare industry. As soon as I started there, I was like, let me go back to school, and then came here. I don’t think consulting was for me.

Cherwell: What interests you about healthcare? 

Nguyen: I think I’ve always been interested in medicine, I suppose, and helping people in that sort of manner. I grew up not really, I guess, having access to health care. I grew up in a low-income family, so we didn’t have health insurance. I think having that sort of lack is what got me interested in the first place. So, you know, when I went to college, I thought I wanted to pursue medicine. Still, I’m thinking about it, but kind of more on the edge about it. But I think patient care is so important.

Cherwell: Why are you interested now in exploring health policy rather than immediately going to medical school?

Nguyen: I think throughout college, I got really interested in LGBTQ+ health and realised how critical understanding politics is for providing greater health outcomes for them. It was something that I never really got to examine in my classes. So I started doing internships— for example I got to work under a senator, and got to see how legislation has a role to play in healthcare. That’s what got me interested. 

Also coming here – in my digital health class, I got to learn a lot about how policies can impact digital health and innovation, how we can reach people, and that got me interested. So it’s something that I definitely want to explore more of before maybe going to medical school or maybe pursuing something else.

Cherwell: You said you are from Des Moines, Iowa. What was that like growing up there? I imagine there weren’t that many Asians there. 

Nguyen: No. There were hardly any Asian people. I think in my class there were a total of three out of a hundred. It was definitely difficult. I’m Korean and Vietnamese, so the nearest Korean town or Vietnamese town was in Chicago. It was a seven hour drive and we would make an annual trip there. I would just be so excited. It was definitely difficult, feeling a bit more isolated because of my racial identity.

But getting to move to Yale afterwards was so eye opening because it was the first time in my life where I was suddenly surrounded by more Asian people and all this diversity. And then especially New York afterwards, it was just so amazing. I remember when I first got to Yale, I was crying so much. Everything was so overwhelming and so different from Iowa. Now I’m more acclimated. And I love Iowa. The people are so kind. There’s that phrase, Midwest nice. It’s something I carry with me. I hope people think that I’m Midwest nice. They’re so friendly, so amazing.

Cherwell: Let’s talk about the Kermit. Did you bring him today?

Nguyen: I did! I always carry him around with me just in case, and I put him in this black bag.

Cherwell: He’s bigger than I thought!

Nguyen: He’s bigger? Most people say he’s smaller than they imagined.

Cherwell: So how did you come up with the idea of like the Oxford Kermit?

Nguyen: I think prior to coming to Oxford, I just knew I wanted some fun way to document my year here. I thought “what’s a fun, interesting, cute way to do this”? I thought it’d be fun to take pictures of some sort of doll or something like that, so let me go on Etsy and see what’s out there.

I saw this Kermit dressed in a trench coat, and I was like, this is so Oxford. That’s exactly what I had in mind in terms of the image of an Oxford person. And then when I got the doll, I was like, wow, he’s so cute.

Then when I came to Oxford, I immediately started documenting my time here. I think deep down I knew that I wanted it to not really be a personal thing. I wanted to share it with people, and I did want to go out there and have people see it.

Cherwell: What has the response been like?

Nguyen: It’s been crazy. So much bigger than I anticipated. In my head I thought Oxford was going to be a more serious place, and I didn’t know if people were going to really receive it that well. But immediately as I started, it kind of just grew exponentially right away. 

And as I kept doing it, it just blew up more and more. I got collabs with Oxford University and all of a sudden, I got thousands of followers and I was like, dang! This is amazing. That catalysed all the collaborations afterwards. The first college collab I did was with St. Catz, and then I just went on and on afterwards. And then now there’s departments, and student clubs. 

Cherwell: Do you ever get any hate?

Nguyen: I think I recently saw on Oxfess that “I wanna drag Kermit to the Ninth Circle of Hell.” And I’m like, what the? Like, honestly, that made me laugh because I’m just like, how can you have hatred towards a doll? It’s kind of funny, honestly. Overwhelmingly, the comments and what people say to me are just so positive.

Cherwell: Why do you think it resonated so much with all students?

Nguyen: I actually get this question quite a lot. I think for the deeper, more human content that’s on there. I think people resonate with that because it takes more complex feelings and expresses them through something familiar and cute. It makes it more digestible in that way. I think for the funny, more light-hearted content, people like it because it gives them a refreshing break from their studies, from the intensity of [university].

I think it also just reminds people of how beautiful Oxford is and what else is out there, minus all the stress. Oxford has so much to explore, and I think it reminds them of that. I think it’s a nice way to escape.

Cherwell: You’re finishing your course soon, so what’s next for you and what’s next for the Kermit? 

Nguyen: That’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot. For me, personally, it’s still kind of up in the air. I really have learned to love the UK as I’ve stayed here more and I do think that I wanna stay here longer. So I’m gonna try for that. My original plan was just to go back to the US, either New York or DC, but I don’t know. I think with this whole Kermit thing, I’ve realized how much I like social media, and that’s something I wanna pursue, and I’d love to pursue that in London. 

As for what’s gonna be next for Kermit, that’s also something I’ve been thinking about a lot. I don’t know, is my answer. I think I would like it to keep going but I’m not sure exactly how that would work. Maybe I can hand it over to someone, but I’m open to ideas.

Cherwell: I’m now going to ask you some controversial Oxford questions, and we can get the Kermit’s take on them?

Nguyen: Alright, okay. 

Cherwell: First question, gown or no gown at formal?

Kermit: No gowns. Just trench coat. 

Cherwell: Sub fusc for exams?

Kermit: Absolutely not. To be honest, I’m gonna show up in my sweatpants or something that I’m comfy in. I already studied so hard, why are you asking me to put on an entire sub fusc? This is gonna stress me out even more. So absolutely not.

Cherwell: Favourite nightclub?

Kermit: Oh, I’ll have to say Plush. They’re really nice. I mean I obviously don’t really like any of them but Plush is the best in my opinion.

Cherwell: Rowers. Yay or nay? Would you date a rower?

Kermit: Yay. Yes. 

Cherwell: What are your thoughts on trashing?

Kermit: I think there’s a better way to go about it. Let’s make it more environmentally friendly and still do that tradition. Maybe not confetti but something else. Like flower petals maybe.

Cherwell: The Oxford Union?

Kermit: I think sometimes they serve and sometimes they don’t. I think sometimes they have iconic people like Julia Fox. But I think the membership fee is too high. Let’s discount that and it’s a yay from me.

Cherwell: Do you think we should remove the Cecil Rhodes statue? 

Kermit: Let’s remove it and replace it with a statue of Kermit.

Oxford Union votes against flying LGBTQ+ flag for Pride Month

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The Oxford Union has rejected a proposal to fly an LGBTQ+ flag for Pride Month every year. President Anita Okunde had put forward the Standing Order change but the Standing Committee – made up entirely of students – voted 7-4 against the move.

During a meeting today (5th May), the motion was tabled which would have required the President to fly the pride flag “throughout June every year”. It would have given the President the discretion to waive the requirement “in the event of the death of The Sovereign, or at such other time when public buildings fly their flags at half mast”.

Opponents of the move made clear that whilst they supported the inclusion of the LGBTQ+ community, they were concerned about the precedent that might be set. In particular, there were suggestions that passing such a motion could open up a “Pandora’s Box” of demands for other flags to be flown.

After a discussion over the potential change, a secret ballot was held in accordance with the Society’s rules. This then took place, with four members voting in support of the motion, and seven voting against (along with one spoiled ballot), meaning it failed to pass.

There was confusion over the history of the Standing Order’s place in the rules, with a suggestion that it had previously been included but had been “accidentally” removed. Despite this, the Committee voted against the reintroduction of the rule, with opponents claiming it would make “no substantive difference,” given that the President could unilaterally choose to wave the LGBTQ+ flag regardless of the vote’s outcome.

Cherwell has approached the Oxford Union for comment.

Copies

in the bookstore
sit a stack of two 
illustrated editions,
nestled together.

we had trekked, a year
or two ago, around
every shop in London
to track them down.

and here they are,
not one but
two.
identical sisters.

I stand staring 
in the cold.
they rest, watching,
warm through the window.
I should buy you a copy

but I don’t.
I want them,
long after I leave,
to remain together.

love letter

there is no space for the sentimental – the
past a suitcase never to be unlocked.

when it clicks shut is out of your control,
you packed the important things

only to lose them. you cannot live two
lives;  irreconcilable words, memories that

missed understanding. leaving begets
impermissibility. you forgot

a stamp can’t be used again,
only kept or discarded.

Review: Medieval Mystery Play Cycle – ‘Comedy, choirs and inflatable hammers’

I wasn’t sure what to expect from a Medieval mystery play cycle. What I was not anticipating was Lucifer recast as a finance bro ‘fired’ from Heaven (now a corporate office setting), shepherds from the Nativity prancing through a graveyard while singing in 16th-century French, and a comedy about four incompetent soldiers and the crucifixion of Christ. Oh, and Lucifer was howling in Middle English.

These surreal and wonderful plays were performed in a mixture of languages including contemporary and Middle English, Medieval German, and even Middle Dutch across 13 short shows. It was all set against the backdrop of St Edmund Hall’s medieval architecture, offering a brief but tantalising window into the world of medieval theatre.

Perhaps what took me most off guard was just how funny it was. Jim Harris, the effortless dead-pan deliverer of one-liners in rhyme, remarked in his introduction (preceded by an actual trumpet fanfare): “You’re going to be here for hours”. Yet this elicited not groans but laughter. There was a sense of festivity in the air from the very beginning. Talking to Cherwell, the Heads of Performance, Antonia Anstatt and Sarah Ware, said this is what they were hoping for. “The levity [of these shows] is an important thing, especially if you’re sitting in a marathon” of plays, said Sarah. Antonia also mentioned that the Play Cycle immediately dispels the myth we have of “the Middle Ages as a period when people took everything really seriously.” Instead, she said we “have actually really funny plays about women being martyred or [about] the crucifixion … it gives us a new idea of the Middle Ages, and how they approached these biblical texts. And like Sarah said… they also wanted to have fun … on these carnival-like days.” Indeed, Sarah herself had remarked how “medieval mystery plays were very much the everyday person’s most easy access to the world of biblical narrative. These [plays] were how people accessed the Bible – in addition to attending church, if they could.”

One highlight was the charged rendition of The Martyrdom of the Three Holy Virgins, done in a blend of Latin and Present-Day English that flowed relatively seamlessly into one another. It featured the brutal martyrdoms of three women who refused arranged marriage and pagan customs. The Latin was performed with vigour, declared in distinctly Italian tones that, while perhaps not historically accurate, were nonetheless suitably emotive for the narrative. There were impassioned performances from all of the martyrs – Loveday Liu, Abigail Pole, and Laura Laubeas. Liu was especially striking, defiantly staring down the figure of Emperor Diocletian (Jialin Li) as she decried her unwanted wedding. The aesthetic was partly modernised, the ‘guards’ becoming fascistic police officers that dragged the martyrs offstage in a way hauntingly reminiscent of the arrests of contemporary protesters.

Perhaps the strangest play was The York Crucifixion, translated into Modern English but retaining its original Middle English rhythms. The crucifixion is hardly an event I’d consider ripe comedic material, let alone in a medieval context. Nonetheless, the absurdity was heightened in this modern interpretation. From nailing Christ to the Cross with inflatable hammers, to saying Jesus had saved them time when “he himself laid him down”, these Three (in this case four) Stooge-esque soldiers are almost endearing in characterisation, until you remember they are condemning Jesus to an agonising death. The physical comedy juxtaposed to Jesus’ stoic proclamations is another reminder of the bleak sense of humour that was more normalised in medieval theatre than one would typically imagine.

The most amusing play, though, was the final one in the rotation, The Last Judgement – labelled “good old-fashioned eschatological fun” in the extended programme. It certainly fulfils its promise. The Angel Gabe (Alice Watkinson), a guitar-wielding herald of the end of the days, chirpily introduces the play with “Wow! Judgement Day! You guys excited?”. Indeed, though adapted by Ruby Whitehouse from the Middle English The Last Judgement, the play has more in common with the irreverence of Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s Good Omens than the doom, fire, and brimstone of the Book of Revelations. At one point, a jubilant and smarmy Jesus (Alicia Camacho Fielding) skips airily about with those souls destined for heaven, while the others are dragged off to hell by a leather-jacketed Satan. Naturally, Satan, played by Daniel Pereira, is accompanied by his very own hype squad. Who knew the end of the world could be so much fun?

The days of free Medieval Mystery performances stretching across an entire city centre may have faded. But in a large audience including students, faculty, Oxford residents, and others besides, we all were united in this brief resurrection of lost ages and medieval worlds. Before us, the medieval and the modern were fused, as dead tongues were brought back to life.

The Longest Goodbye

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The Longest Goodbye 

Oxford. A place where I travelled outward and inward—toward a version of myself I didn’t know was possible. The part I usually kept quiet finally had space to be. The part beneath everything else. The root. The quiet center. The truest me. 

That part was finally met with understanding—and maybe that’s what let me breathe differently. I became a self that no longer needed to make sense to the world I came from, the one that never rejected me back. Oxford became a home I hadn’t known I was missing—a place that understood me without asking. 

This story is also about someone I met in the stillness of that bloom—a final-year PhD student I crossed paths with while I was there for a summer course, both of us at the University. He became part of what changed everything. 

The day we met, I planned to leave for London with some peers that evening. I made time for him. We settled on four. When he asked where to go, I said I didn’t know—he was the local. He offered a walk through his college, St. Cross. Small, quiet. He hadn’t been back in a year. 

Four o’clock. I’ll come to Worcester, he said. That was where I stayed then. 

I left my room early, then paused to check the weather. Rain, starting at four. 

I asked if he’d brought an umbrella. No, he thought the weather was good. I told him it changed fast. I didn’t want to get soaked. He said we’d just get a little wet. 

Still, I turned back for the clear plastic umbrella the college left me. 

When I got to the gate, the rain had started. 

He was already there. 

I’m here, he texted. Against the wall, trying to stay dry. 

I opened the door halfway. The stone path was dark; the grass wet. But he wasn’t in view. Still in the doorway, I texted again: Where are you? 

Just walk out, and you’ll know.

The rain swept in—fast and sudden. The wind pushed it in sheets across the ground, meeting us with every step. It pressed us shoulder to shoulder, but not close enough to stay dry. My white shirt, soaked through, translucent. His sleeves stuck to his arms. 

The hard rain left behind a soft trace of closeness. Even now, the rain brings back memories of that rst one—the one that left us happily soaked and softened something unspoken. 

We didn’t see each other again—just texts. A few days later, he asked if we could’ve been something, had I been starting school in Oxford that September instead. 

He said he felt something—strong and sudden—the first time he saw me. 

I didn’t know what to say. 

He said being with me felt natural. 

And I saw it too—in his smile, his laugh, the way he looked up from the table soccer at St. Cross, and at the golden retriever pendant tucked oddly among antiquities at the Ashmolean. A quiet happiness. Light, and understood. 

Yet I was guarded—not for lack of feeling, but because I didn’t believe things like that could be real. He never mentioned it again. 

But he never took it back. 

Some stories aren’t found in photographs, endings, or clarity. They live in the ache of what never formed—in the space before it could, in the timing that almost aligned, but didn’t. That’s why he lingered—not in my life, but in the memory of being fully understood by a place, and of being quietly witnessed within it. 

His presence felt like that too—quiet, steady, safe. A kind of comfort I had never named before. Subtle. Unexplainable. 

But I felt it—when he crossed the street in front of Christ Church, tired from lab work, walking toward me for what would be our second and last time seeing each other. 

We grabbed drinks and walked along the Oxford Canal to Port Meadow. 

It was my last day. Despite other commitments, we met again. 

Drinks before the last call. A final walk through Oxford. 

Talking until it was late. 

Then, he walked me back to Worcester—to where we first said hi, and now, bye. 

After that night, everything was different. 

Morning still came, no matter how I stretched the time.

I had to leave while the city was still asleep. 

Even when the chapter closed, I left pages blank—waiting for silence to return as sound. 

I never said goodbye to Oxford. I couldn’t. It was a moment in time. A breath held between what was and what almost was. I kept it lit like a flame cupped in my hands—stinging every inch of my skin to keep it shielded from rain, from distance, from forgetting. 

And him—he became part of the way it felt to be in Oxford. Part of the way Oxford made me feel. Some things stay not because they last, but because they never finish becoming—in unanswered questions and lingering silences. 

What’s deeply loved stays layered in memory. How could it have ended, when I revisit it every day? When even distance and time couldn’t undo what it gave me? 

Now, when I look at stars, I think of that night—quiet streets, the hush before goodbye, the pause outside the astronomy building under the clearest sky. 

When it rains, I remember the kind that pressed soft and marked deep. 

When I taste a Long Island, it brings me back to the bar above the Covered Market—sitting across from him, the city hushed beneath us, the buzz around us fading into the rooftops that held our stillness. 

And then there’s Oxford itself. 

Not just a place—but a name that holds everything: 

The way I was. 

The way we were. 

The way we could have been. 

Sometimes, care outlives connection. 

Sometimes, love never calls itself by name. 

But it was there. 

Some part of it always will be. 

And maybe I still hold onto the possibilities—quiet in their stubbornness, loud in every intentional act of keeping Oxford close. 

Maybe Oxford hears it—the longing carried across the distance.

I applied to Oxford. And Oxford invited me to stay. 

The what-ifs still live somewhere in me. 

What if the streets remember? 

What if the gates of Worcester open again, at the right time? 

What if we return—not to what was, but to something that still wants to become? 

But even if I return alone, Oxford will still be there. 

And I will walk those paths as someone who once loved there. 

And in these unspoken moments—maybe the stars started to align. He once said he would’ve left Oxford by the time I could make it there. But change outwits even carefully drawn plans. And maybe I’m arriving sooner than his planned impossibilities ever allowed. 

And maybe—just maybe—possibilities grow quietly, unknowingly. Like the blooming magnolia outside his windows—the one he showed me in a photo this spring, a quiet gesture after time and silence, like the way it bloomed again. Rooted before they are seen. Soft before they are certain. Becoming something only time and season can draw into fullness—reaching upward, as though guided by memory. Waiting just beyond the glass, beside his desk. A presence not too close, not too far. Asking nothing. Staying—until he looks up, not seeking, but still finding what’s been there all along.

A homely solution to stress

Essay crisis, bad tutorial, no sleep. Everyone’s had a time when you’d really rather be anywhere than Oxford. The rigorous academic attention and miniature city size mean that Oxford can feel like a bubble which you would really prefer to just burst.

How can you deal with this? Let’s assume that going home is off the table – unmissable class the next day, extortionate train fares, or an overwhelming fatigue. What to do then? Seek solace in friends, walk bleary-eyed round University Parks, or get hammered at the club? All reasonable options. I propose a more modest solution: join your street’s WhatsApp chat. If this isn’t a possibility, get as close to this as you can.

I’ll explain. In the madness of the first lockdown, my residential street in Bristol decided it needed a way of keeping in touch and figuring out how to adapt to being shut indoors. Hence a WhatsApp chat was born. Aside from being one of the few concrete hangovers from the pandemic, it doesn’t seem very intrinsically interesting. And it isn’t. In fact, its brilliance lies in its unending surfeit of useless, prosaic, and oftentimes downright bizarre content.

Now I’m not really one to feel homesick: I’ve been back home once during my nearly two years of study, and that was to see a play. Oxford for me is a city of intensity, vibrance, and joy – I love being here. Even so, when the pressure gets too much, it’s easy to long for some tethering amidst the chaos. This is where the chat comes in. 

Opening it on any given day offers everything from thought-provoking questions about recommendations for a good plasterer, to tough issues such as a dad running out of baking paper for making his sourdough bread. Friendly neighbours desperately try to flog their unwanted gunk onto unsuspecting victims. “Bag of cat litter available outside Number 80!”; “Help yourself to these Christmas books!” (posted in summer); “IKEA boxes – bit of a repaint and they’ll be lovely” (said of some furniture that looks like it barely survived WW2).

Then there are moments of real danger: “Has anyone had their milk bottle box opened and a massive slug of milk drunk out of their bottle?” After a lengthy back-and-forth between some of the local sages, it’s eventually decided that, contrary to the views of many, this abhorrent act of theft can in fact be attributed to the foxes. Someone else has their car stolen from in front of their drive – receiving many, many commiserations from neighbours who no doubt felt relieved they were not the unlucky victim.

One unexpected question is what you do if you find a dead fox in the back of your garden. Well for some the answer is clear: compost it of course! “We compost foxes too! … Other foxes beware!” Followed by, six minutes later: “I should make it clear that we have not harmed any foxes. We don’t kill to compost!” Given the scourge of these milk-stealing animals, though, it’s hard to be sure…

Looking at the chat is restorative in a number of ways. The surreal humour or absence of self-awareness on display never fails to bring out a smile. But it is the confrontation with a steady stream of technical and mind-numbingly boring questions that is the real antidote to academic worries. For those of us lucky enough not to have to think about such things for a couple more years, seeing people debating the relative merits of an LG or Bosch dishwasher really drives home the joys of a college-owned (and cleaned) kitchen. Whilst you stress over finishing a problem sheet on time, there are others in the world fretting equally about which delivery van company they ought to hire. Considering how much time some people can think about whether to get rid of a few yoga mats makes taking a slightly longer break from study seem eminently justifiable.

This isn’t in any sense to affirm the righteous dignity of the scholar over others. Quite the opposite: you come to realise that you are just one person amongst billions getting along with those tasks set in front of you. It’s an essay now; soon enough it will be fixing the bathroom light.