Friday, May 23, 2025
Blog Page 60

Palestine protests disrupt matriculation ceremonies

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Oxford Action for Palestine (OA4P) is protesting at matriculation today and disrupted a ceremony. A student in subfusc unfurled a flag and made a speech inside the Sheldonian, while members of the group have been handing out Palestinian flags to freshers.

Earlier in the morning, a student unfurled a large flag and walked in front of the ceremony to deliver a speech. According to video footage shared by OA4P, she said: “…Humanitarian crisis in the Middle East, there is a genocide happening right now. You will not use the language of genocide. You will not be honest about that, and you talk to us about truth. It is disingenuous.” Two security officers escorted her outside.

There were no Bod card or ID checks for students entering the Sheldonian.

As thousands of freshers in subfusc walk down Broad Street, OA4P members in keffiyehs are handing out small Palestinian flags to the queue, and occasionally freshers accept. However, once inside the Sheldonian gate a University official is taking away some of the flags, according to video footage shared by OA4P. A student told Cherwell that she was able to take her flag inside by hiding it in her trousers.

In the afternoon, protestors staged a “die-in” where they lay on the floor, attempting to prevent students entering the theatre to matriculate. Each time the students were directed to enter through a new gate, the protestors moved to block it, causing long queues and crowds outside the Clarendon Building. Matriculants eventually were able to enter, walking past a banner which read “While you read Gaza bleeds”.

The scene echoed similar protests during graduation ceremonies throughout summer.

Image Credit: David Hays

The University told Cherwell: “Oxford is committed to ensuring that we are an inclusive and welcoming place for all of our community. We are disappointed with OA4P’s attempt to disrupt and spoil the event for our incoming students at two of the 10 matriculation ceremonies today. We are pleased to report that all ceremonies were completed and there was much joy. We would like to congratulate all those students who matriculated, and we extend to them a very warm welcome to Oxford.

The University supports peaceful protest, in line with our commitment to freedom of speech, and provides clear guidance on demonstrations and protests. Actions which disrupt University events are not acceptable. Students in breach of University rules may face disciplinary action, fines or suspension.”

A matriculating DPhil student participating in the disruption said:  “I had to say something because why would I be silent in front of someone who is meant to lead our University but is actually friends with terrorists. Our fellow students deserve to know this. The entire central management of this University does not care about my Palestinian and Lebanese friends and alumni or their family in the Levant. If they did, they would end the University’s complicity in the murder of their people. The only explanation is racism. When they look at black and brown skin, they don’t see human value, they see profit from their slaughter.”

Represented at Oxford: State school students

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“They’re completely self-obsessed, they think that they’re the most important place in the world, and they think that everybody else is thinking about them”. Surprisingly, this isn’t a quote about Oxford; this was former Deputy PM Nick Clegg’s description of the 3 bubbles of the EU, Parliament, and Silicon Valley.

Now Nick Clegg is far from representative of my upbringing, but something about that bubble analogy really resonated with how I felt first entering Oxford. It was a complete culture shock.

I remember spending the whole matriculation day thinking I didn’t belong here, a thought that stuck through Michaelmas. However, as time went on, I found my people, my voice, and my place in Oxford. So – how did we come from the Bullingdon Club culture to the Oxford we have today? Of course, Oxford has its issues, but I’d argue that the Oxford of today is better than it was 10 years ago. I spoke to 3 people about their Oxford experience and how represented they feel at Oxford.

The first of these was my friend, Robyn Patterson, a 2nd year French student at Worcester College. One of the wonders of Oxford is meeting incredible people from all walks of life. Robyn is one of those people. She’s from Antrim in Northern Ireland and there aren’t many people from Northern Ireland at Oxford:

“I’ve always lived in a council estate in Northern Ireland, two things which I don’t come across often at Oxford.” she says, with only 2 other students from Northern Ireland in her year at Worcester.

“In freshers I struggled quite a lot with being so far from home – I couldn’t just pop home like some of my peers, it was the first time I had been so separated from the rest of my family, without home comforts”

For Robyn, her role as the President of the Ice Skating Society has helped her break down the barriers Oxford offers beyond initial access, giving her friends and a community beyond the college walls that helped her comfortably settle in.

I also spoke to Rosie Crawford, an Archaeology and Anthropology graduate, whose YouTube videos whilst at university inspired me to apply.  It was a real ‘pinch me’ moment hearing her journey firsthand, especially as someone who grew up watching her YouTube Videos:

“I was pretty set on going to the University of Manchester and staying at home to keep costs down. But then Oxford appeared as the first search result. My Mum laughed. She said something along the lines of “Well, at least we know we can ignore that one”, and that’s when I decided I was going to apply. Even if I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I had the audacity to back myself”.

Whilst here, Rosie says working in her college bar helped her meet her people. Now, she’s still sharing her journey in education on her YouTube channel, having completed her master’s on a full scholarship, and now works her dream job in archaeological science research at the University of Cambridge.

As an Oxford survivor, Rosie gave some wise advice: “Oxford is hard… like really hard: if you need time to breathe, take it.”

I also had the pleasure of speaking to Matthew Williams, Jesus College’s Access Fellow. Coming here for his master’s and doctorate in politics, Matthew became a lecturer in a few colleges, becoming Jesus’ Access Fellow in 2016.

Asking Matthew about his struggles at Oxford, he said “I have always suffered from high anxiety, so imposter syndrome hit me hard and fast at Oxford! I find the best way around it is to be open and honest”.

It was refreshing to hear a staff member openly talking about this. It’s comforting, in a sense, to know that the people who teach you also have been through similar issues and can relate.

Upon asking Matthew for his advice to state school students at Oxford, he said: “Oxford has this reputation for snobbery that dies hard. I was actually really scared of it too. The last thing I wanted was to be surrounded by insecure snobs, looking down their noses at state educated students. 

I was pleasantly surprised at how kind and open-hearted Oxford is. Far from being a cold finishing school for some jet- setting elite, it is a genuinely caring institution that wants to save the world. In order to do that, we need all talents to chip in”.

There’s a community of state educated people, from students and alumni, to staff, at Oxford. You’re represented at Oxford and you belong here.

Unmask the shady investors

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The University of Oxford’s new science and innovation district, set to open next calendar year, is a joint venture between the University and Legal & General. The company is focused on financial services, and aims to invest in projects that improve people’s lives. The building and design approach of the district – human-environment co-creation hubs – seems promising, offering researchers opportunities to develop practical solutions for social and environmental sustainability. However, it’s not clear whether the University has ensured that its investors, such as Legal & General, are genuinely sustainable. 

The University states that it proactively ensures investors contribute to addressing pressing issues like climate change and biodiversity loss through its Environmental Sustainability Strategy and Investment Policy Statement. Legal & General argues that the district, which will house the Departments of Experimental Psychology and Biology, serves as a leading example of how pension funds can drive UK innovation in tackling climate challenges. The park website makes repeated references to “sustainability”.

Despite these claims, sources such as Make My Money Matter and Money Week suggest that Legal & General may not be as “sustainable” as it appears.  Their pension funds, critics argue, could still invest in fossil fuels.

Legal & General has been heavily focused on launching new funds that exclude fossil fuels and industries violating the United Nations Global Compact. By partnering with organisations such as AP1 to launch the ESG fossil-fuel-free Emerging Market Equity (index) fund, collaborating with the National Trust on fossil fuel diversification, and supporting other sustainability initiatives, they have made significant strides. However, it remains unclear whether 100% of the funds are genuinely sustainable and ethical.

The University would do well to make the selection process for its investors more transparent, ensuring that its sustainability strategy and investment criteria are clearly outlined. This would help answer the critical question: are the investors genuinely sustainable, or is this just another case of greenwashing?

Oxford scientists microchip bees with smallest radar ever

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Biotracks technology is fitting the “smallest harmonic radar tag ever” onto bees. A cross-department team at Oxford University, led by Dr. Tonya Lander, is using these chips to improve understanding of pollinator habits and migration behaviour.

Harmonic radar tags were invented by the team to investigate declining insect and bird populations and how to help them.

Associate Professor of Engineering Science Chris Stevens explained that tracking the bees includes two systems. The first “converts radar signals to a higher frequency”, which is then picked up with receivers carried on drones, illuminating the bee. This then “pings back a higher frequency signal”, which can be located with another radio receiver. The second system uses LED lights which reflect off the bee’s tags and are then picked up by a camera.

Lander said that Biotracks technology “will change our understanding of insect use of landscapes at the large spatial scale”. Biotrackers extend the viewing range of insects, thus allowing researchers to better understand how bees maintain the ecosystem in order to form conservation strategies.

Many species of insects are in decline, posing a risk to the 35% of global crop production and 85% of wild flowering plants that rely on pollinators. Lander explained in a video for the University’s website that this means: “[the pollinators will] set fewer or possibly no seeds, which means no fruit for us to eat but also no reproduction of those plants for the next generations.”

Although Lander doesn’t know exactly how this technology will be used, she is hopeful others may find “exciting new applications” for the equipment beyond insect and bird migration.

Oxford awarded £1 million for new heritage technology initiative

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Nearly £1 million has been awarded to Oxford University to strengthen its conservation and heritage science initiatives.

The Oxford Collaboration in Heritage Science Research and Engagement (OCHRE) project received the funding from the UK Research and Innovation Arts and Humanities Research Council (AHRC). The University is a leading player in AHRC’s £80 million investment project.

Aiming to foster collaboration between arts and sciences, OCHRE will involve the departments of Geography, Archaeology, Materials Science, Engineering, and Chemistry at the University – as well as institutions like the Bodleian Library and Ashmolean Museum. 

OCHRE is part of the national Research Infrastructure for Conservation and Heritage Science (RICHeS) programme, which aims to utilise improved technology to safeguard the UK’s cultural heritage. RICHeS seeks to improve access to heritage collections, stimulate the UK’s heritage economy, and drive innovation in material science.

Led by Professor Heather Viles of the School of Geography and the Environment, OCHRE will create a sustainable heritage science hub connecting eight laboratories that will be equipped with advanced tools. Viles told Cherwell that the hub would take the form of “a modest, hot-desking space” and “a series of events to showcase what [they] do.” 

Viles said she was excited about “addressing some big challenges for cultural heritage”. She also told Cherwell that she was “really keen to work with all types of heritage organisation, from the biggest and highest profile sites which attract global visitors such as Blenheim Palace” to “much less well-known local sites.”

New technologies enabled by the investment include scanning electron microscopes and enhanced digital and hyperspectral imaging technologies, which will increase the detail visible when artefacts are being studied. Higher-performance equipment for chemical and structural analysis and portable analysis tools will also be introduced, including handheld X-ray devices thought of as a “lab in your pocket”.

The UK had a heritage sector of £31 billion in 2019 according to Historic England, with Oxford itself providing £7.9 billion in research and knowledge exchange activities in 2018-2019.

Oxford study shows Americans have ‘significantly worse’ cardiovascular health than Britons

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Oxford researchers found that British adults are healthier than Americans, especially in terms of cardiovascular health. The study compared empirical data from British and American adults aged between 33 and 46, revealing that American adults are much more likely to be obese, face high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and have overall poor cardiovascular health.

Significantly, the study reveals that even the most affluent Americans have health equal to, or worse than, the most deprived Brits. Co-author of the study, Dr Andrea Tilstra, believes that America’s high inequality, alongside an extremely limited welfare state, has contributed to these findings.

In addition to comparing their health, the study asked participants about their self-perception. The researchers found that while British adults have better health, they are more likely to say that they’re in poor health. While 18% of Brits said they had “poor health”, only 12% of Americans said so.

Nevertheless, the UK is by no means in the clear. Deputy Director of the Leverhulme Centre Professor Jennifer Dowd notes that Britain has a large smoker population when compared to the US.

Additionally, Britain has a growing obesity epidemic. The study reports the British obesity rate at 34.5%, trailing narrowly behind the US’s rate of 40.4%. Professor Dowd said that the “worsening health trends in the US could serve as a warning for Britain”, and she is not alone in this.

This study is in line with Prime Minister Starmer’s description of the NHS’s state as “reform or die”. Starmer further detailed that currently one in three British adults are obese, with one in five having high blood pressure by midlife, and that “those from the most deprived backgrounds are twice as likely to be obese by reception age”, indicating the complexity of the problem.

Dr Tilstra further adds that this paper illustrates a unique opportunity for comparative research between the two nations, by specifically comparing “differences in policies and other environmental contexts”.

Oxford researchers call for recognising lifestyles of Mobile Indigenous Peoples

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In collaboration with the UN, a team of Oxford University researchers released a report focused on the legal recognition, land rights, and mobility, including transboundary movement, of Mobile Indigenous Peoples. The Oxford team also organised an event with the United Nations Development Programme (UNDP) at the UN General Assembly in New York on Monday.

Oxford’s Dr. Ariell Ahearn, a lecturer at the School of Geography and the Environment, and Professor Dawn Chatty, an Emeritus Professor of Anthropology and Forced Migration, led the team responsible for in-person and virtual consultations with Mobile Indigenous Peoples, including the Sámi reindeer herders of Finland and the Pauktuutit Inuit Women of Canada. 

Dr Ahearn told Cherwell: “[Mobile Peoples] have experienced discrimination and criminalisation based on their mobility and human rights violations. These must be rectified and the rights upheld by states and the UN.” 

The UN event on Monday 14th aimed to introduce context around this Report of the Special Rapporteur on the situation of Mobile Indigenous People. Hosted in partnership with several organisations including the UNDP, University of Arizona and the Special Rapporteur’s Office.

The report relates to demands of the Dana+20 Manifesto, which calls on governments, corporations, UN agencies and researchers to create policies that recognise and protect mobile lifeways, through building upon a statement of principles called the Dana Declaration on Mobile Peoples and Conservation (2002) of which Chatty is a committee member. 

The report on the situation of Mobile Indigenous Peoples was presented to the Third Committee of the UN General Assembly on 15th October. According to the report, Mobile Indigenous Peoples face increasing challenges such as border restrictions, environmental degradation, and loss of land rights, which threaten their way of life and ability to sustain their cultural heritage. The report found conditions including an 8% decrease of precipitation and an average temperature 2.5 times the world average in the Mongolian highlands, killing herders’ livestock and threatening their livelihoods.

“As an academic activist who has worked closely with Mongolian mobile pastoralists and witnessed the destruction of their homelands including sacred sites by mining companies, I consider it my duty to join their fight for justice,” Ahearn told Cherwell.

The Special Rapporteur on the rights of Indigenous Peoples, José Francisco Calí Tzay, explicitly thanked the University of Oxford in the report for organising the virtual consultation and side event at the twenty-third session of the Permanent Forum on Indigenous Issues this past Spring. 

Since beginning her academic career forty years ago, Chatty has advocated for the rights of Mobile peoples and the power of academics to bring sound research to the table. She told Cherwell: “For decades much academic and development ‘research’ insisted that mobile peoples were backward, irrational, and an embarrassment to progressive, development models of modernity.” 

Instead, she said that: “movement and mobility need to be recognised as an excellent adaptive strategy – in terms of livelihoods as well as current global climate change”. Chatty continued: “We need to get away from the sedentist perspective that sees mobility as somehow threatening.” 

Looking ahead, several Oxford researchers will attend events provisionally set in Mongolia in 2026, which the United Nations has deemed the International Year of Rangeland and Pastoralists. 

Dame Maggie Smith’s Oxford beginnings, from Mansfield to McGonagall

‘I remember being so frightened and thinking “if it rains I won’t have to do it”. But we kind of went on – I think – in the rain, anyway.’ 

It is difficult to imagine the two-time Academy Award winner as she must have appeared to audiences of the Oxford University Dramatic Society’s 1952 production of Twelfth Night. Slightly soggy and very scared, 18 year-old ‘Margaret Smith’ (as she is listed in the programs) made her first ever reviewed performance as Viola in the Shakespearean comedy at Mansfield College Gardens. 

But in spite of the weather, and her nerves, Smith’s performance was a huge success: ‘I was much struck by the simple sincerity of her acting,’ stated a reviewer for the Oxford Mail, ‘she approximates very nearly to the Viola of our dreams.’ 

And so began Dame Maggie’s path to global fame: four years later she was on Broadway; three years after that she received her first Academy Award nomination for Nowhere To Go (1958). Now nearly a month since the news of the actress’ death, aged 89, we can reflect on Smith’s extraordinary career and her connections to the city that started it all. 

The Smith family moved to Oxford when Maggie was four years old: a result of her father’s work with the University’s School of Pathology. When she left Oxford High School at 16, Smith began training at the Theatre School connected to the Oxford Playhouse (her parents had refused to let her go to the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts for fear of London’s wild influences). Here she would often get involved in student productions with the University. At the time, Oxford University Dramatic Society (OUDS), as well as many of Oxford’s colleges, didn’t admit female members so were forced to recruit women from elsewhere. It was an opportunity that Dame Maggie relished. 

Smith performed with the University College Players in Hilary Term of 1953, playing the female lead, Consuela, in Leonid Andreyev’s He Who Gets Slapped First. Univ remained all-male until 1979, but Peter Bayley (former English Fellow at the college) remembered Dame Maggie’s performance even then as ‘striking’. 

Though international stardom drew Dame Maggie away from Oxford in the late 1950s, she remained tied to the city – and the University – for all of her life. Smith would return to Oxford again, famously, for the filming of the Harry Potter films, taking on the role of the iconic Professor McGonagall (the role she is perhaps most famous for amongst students today). 

She was, allegedly, the only actor that J.K Rowling specifically requested. But though Smith enjoyed the fame afforded to her later in life by the Potter franchise and her success in Downton Abbey, she famously stated in an interview with the Evening Standard that ‘it wasn’t what you’d call satisfying. I didn’t feel like I was acting in those things.’ It was Smith’s formidable versatility over an almost century-long career that has secured her place as a British national treasure. 

Dame Maggie was also a long-standing patron of the Oxford Playhouse, and was given the Bodley Medal by the Bodlein Libraries in 2016 for her services to the performing arts. In 2017 she was awarded an honorary fellowship by Mansfield College, paying homage to that first rainy performance of Twelfth Night.

In her conversation with Baroness Helena Kennedy QC (former head of Mansfield), Smith recalled that her 1952 co-stars took bets on the future of the cast during rehearsals: according to them, ‘I was the one who was the least likely to do anything’. Seventy-two years, a Damehood, and countless accolades later, it is safe to say that they couldn’t have been more wrong. 

Bazball 2: Electric Boogaloo

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Last term, I wrote an article on England cricket after their demoralising Test series defeat in India. The gist of the article was that, despite the loss, England should keep faith in its head coach Brendon ‘Baz’ McCullum and his Bazball brand of cricket, and that the team would ultimately learn from the experience.

Six months on, I feel fairly validated. England cricket has persisted with Bazball amid heavy criticism (no need to thank me, Rob Key), and have been rewarded with a strong showing in the home summer, winning five Tests out of six against the West Indies and Sri Lanka. And, as I predicted, there’s been a maturing of the team— a refinement of their methods.

They don’t go into tricky situations with the same reckless abandon now; there’s a recognition of the need to grind it out sometimes. At Old Trafford, Joe Root batted sensibly and slowly ground out the chase in front of a probing Sri Lankan attack. Similarly, in the next Test at Lord’s, Root took care to put on 143 before attempting his much-maligned reverse scoop, which was promptly caught at gully.

To me, however, the story of the summer is the rise of young talents in the team. With the retirement of Jimmy Anderson, Root and captain Ben Stokes are the only regular selections on the team that are above the age of 30. England is fielding probably the youngest Test team in the world, and surprisingly, they don’t feel unsteady.

Credit where it’s due to Baz and Stokes: virtually every single player they’ve picked has performed well at the international level. Their selections are often left-field, often ignoring contenders with traditionally solid numbers behind them in the county system. Instead, they tend to pick on attributes, and it’s worked out so far.

Examples of this abound. This year, Shoaib Bashir was picked for the India tour as a spinner for his height and High Release Point™, despite fairly poor numbers in county cricket. He’s had a promising tour in India and then skittled the West Indies at Trent Bridge. Gus Atkinson and Jamie Smith, both Surrey players, debuted this summer and have slipped comfortably into the team; Atkinson taking 34 wickets at 20, and Smith scoring 487 runs at nearly 50. They’ve shouldered a lot of responsibility and have responded admirably.

I’ve always credited Bazball for backing its players and creating an environment of positivity and self-belief that allows them to thrive. I think this culture is the reason why so many young players come into the team and perform well. Don’t forget, the top three of Crawley, Duckett, and Pope have all been accused of technical deficiency, but the environment and the backing they receive has helped them settle in and start performing. And now, strange as it may seem, they are becoming the seniors in this team.

Yes, really, whisper it if you must, the changeover of generations has already happened. Stokes’ absence due to injury in the Sri Lanka series led to Ollie Pope taking over as captain, which is a role he will undoubtedly inherit in the future. In the last year, Broad and Anderson have retired, Foakes and Bairstow been replaced, Leach and Robinson dropped. Bazball 2.0 has been characterised by the desire for fresh faces, and these fresh faces make the youngsters of yore look old by comparison. ‘Potential’ is the watchword for this new era.

It’s no secret what this potential is meant to be unleashed for: Baz and Stokes are clear that all their selections and planning lead to the Ashes in Australia in the winter of 2025/26. They want pacers that are genuinely fast and get lots of bounce, like Atkinson and Olly Stone. They want aggressive spinners like Bashir, and aggressive batters like Crawley. It’s increasingly apparent that they’re cutting off all the deadwood that has plagued England and replacing it with young talent that can challenge for the Ashes.

It’s an ambitious plan, especially since the youth of England will be up against the oldest and most experienced Australian team in decades. Baz and Stokes have their task cut out for them. England play 11 Tests before the Ashes, six of which are tours of Pakistan and New Zealand this winter. This winter’s Tests will probably determine who is on the plane to Australia.

Now that the first Test in Pakistan has already finished, we have some perspective on what the touring plans are. Brydon Carse was called up and impressed (me, at least) with the pace and bounce he offered. Leach returned to the team and was instrumental in helping the team beat Pakistan by an innings after conceding 500+ in the first innings. Woakes was in fact backed to lead the bowling away from home, and Pope was given the captaincy in Stokes’ absence. Now, Stokes will return for the second Test and is likely to bowl a bit as well.

The batting lineup seems settled for the Ashes, so I won’t dwell on it longer than one prediction: Joe Root will finally make his first century in Australia this Ashes. He’s in sublime form and this is practically his last chance. Beyond that, I won’t offer comments on what seems to be a very stable batting order.

There are still questions around the bowling, though, and especially the pace attack. The foremost is of Chris Woakes. He played in Pakistan, yes, but will he play in the Ashes? His bowling has never looked inspiring Down Under, but leaving him out means fielding a bowling attack with zero experience of Australian conditions. I think he’ll be in the squad, but won’t play.

As for the other pacers, Atkinson and Wood seem to be locks if healthy. Then there is a whole battery of options to choose from: Tongue, Hull, Potts, etc. I personally favour Stone and Carse. They’ve both bowled at good pace and bounce, and bowl at awkward angles for the batter. I predict Carse will feature prominently in the Ashes.

Last is Stokes. He needs to bowl again, but more than anything else he needs to do Ben Stokes things when the chips are down; I don’t see England winning the series without one of his talismanic performances. This is probably his last tour to Australia. Let’s see if he makes the most of it.

Debate commentary: Oxford Union has confidence in the Labour government – but not its own rules

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The Oxford Union voted that it has confidence in this government. The annual motion “This House Has No Confidence in His Majesty’s Government” saw 116 voting against and 71 voting for last night. Prior to the debate, President Ebrahim Osman Mowafy passed sweeping rules changes with an emotional speech, followed by a long standing ovation and some objections.

Before the main event, the chamber voted against the emergency motion “This House Would Vote for Donald Trump”. The debate, more relaxed and jovial, featured the comment, “does democracy matter? Maybe” and a heated argument between a married couple with opposing stances.

After guest speakers for the night entered the chamber, the room fell silent to hear from Osman-Mowafy, who rather tellingly began saying “business might get messy”. Private and public business must be held right before the main event, and members will vote on motions proposed by the Committee. The Press Officer told Cherwell to “strap in for the drama”.

Osman-Mowafy then began an emotional speech about his experience being disqualified from the presidency by election tribunal, and later reinstated after 17 Officers threatened resignation. He told the chamber that “you shouldn’t have to dress a certain way, be a certain way, to be a member of this Society”, voice wavering, and pausing for a moment to wipe his eyes. After his speech, the chamber erupted in a standing ovation that lasted for two minutes.

The proposed changes were voted on without hearing unfriendly objections, causing member Lyle Hopkins to walk out with a shout “you don’t know what you’re voting for!” Despite a notice posted by the Returning Officer attempting to strike down the changes, the chamber voted in favour. The guest speakers sat uncomfortably for the half-hour drama.

The main debate (finally) got under way. Opening for the proposition was Chief Operating Officer Karma Gad from Mansfield College. She “roasted” an opposition speaker, former Conservative MP Rt. Hon. Tobias Ellwood VR, for being on the wrong side of the debate floor. Dramatics ensue as Ellwood stands for a point of information, correcting Gad that he was arguing against his party because the Conservatives were in power when he accepted the offer to speak, and the Union wouldn’t let him switch sides – ironic, given Union hacks’ tendency to do just that.

Opening for the opposition was Standing Committee member Anya Trofimova from St. Johns College. Trofimova went straight for the jugular, “roasting” proposition speaker Conservative MP Rt. Hon. Richard Holden by hoping his loyalty to his side of the debate “extends further than his loyalty to the North East” – referencing the MP’s controversial “parachute” election when he moved 250 miles south to Basildon and Billericay right before the 2024 General Election. Holden, perhaps used to the theatrics of parliament, sighed and found something fascinating about the ceiling.

The debate continued with a proposition speech from Chair of Consultative Committee Noah Robson from Christ Church College. A clear and compelling speaker, he compared Chancellor Rachel Reeves’s inaugural speech, which referenced a budgetary “black hole” left by the preceding government, as similar to former Chancellor George Osborne’s speech in 2010 following the defeat of Labour. He continued by arguing that whichever government is in power, we get the same net negative result.

Next up in opposition was Labour MP Kevin Bonavia, who, before speaking, stood in awkward silence as some fifty debate goers shuffled out of the chamber. Besides a stumbling joke about Liz Truss’ short premiership, the speech was again a boilerplate Labour manifesto retelling – despite a point of information about whether Labour’s victory was simply a result of tactical voting, adeptly handled and relatively unanswered.

Proposition speaker Conservative MP Dame Harriett Baldwin spoke next, accusing Labour’s cuts to the winter fuel allowance for “cruelly chilling” our elderly. On a point of information about the Rwanda bill, Baldwin said that “I don’t think anyone in this chamber has been to Rwanda” but that “I have visited the accommodation [that migrants would’ve used] and it is very agreeable”. The chamber erupted into laughter. She finished with reference to Prime Minister Keir Starmer’s acceptance of gifts, saying that “this is the type of corruption you would see from a banana republic.”

Opposition speaker Labour MP Calvin Bailey MBE was next, opening by calling himself “from one of those banana republics” and made reference to the standards on his chest as proof of his credentials. Bailey seemed to read his prepared speech word-for-word, starting his final remarks with “my conclusion” as if it were a heading on his paper.

Next up, Conservative MP Richard Holden began his speech clutching notes on House of Commons paper, as if it were prepared on the debate floor itself – and it sounded like that, too. The Government “dropped the ball on House of Lord reform” and “took a knee to the Chinese Communist Party”, he said, followed by accusing Starmer of getting “backstage tickets for Tay-Tay [sic] in exchange for blue lights”.

The final speaker, Ellwood, commented on the number of people still leaving the chamber, saying that he “was expecting the janitor to come in soon”. He sought to butter up the crowd by arguing that “it is clear why there are so many prime ministers from Oxford”, pleasing the hacks who no doubt have such aspirations. He followed by taking the audience on a trip around the world, referencing Greece, Ukraine, and a “massive bum fight” between Russia and China. Despite the argument, or lack thereof, he spoke confidently and well to the audience as if a seasoned Union veteran.

Editors’ note: Commentary herein represents the opinion of the reporter, not of Cherwell.