Sunday 8th June 2025
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Oxfess – the good, the bad and the ugly

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In the bewitching hours of the night, you feel a sudden rush of emotions: be it romantic attraction, academic stress, some witty inspiration, or overwhelming melancholia — you submit an Oxfess in the sanctuary of anonymity.

In the dreary hours of the day, you find the work at hand impossible to crack; you then start scrolling through Oxfess posts, perhaps finding a couple of jokes hilarious or relating to some heartfelt complaints. You feel human again, lament at the procrastination, and return to work.

In the lonely hours of dusk, you brood in boredom in front of your screen. Suddenly, a Facebook notification pops up — you’ve been tagged in an Oxfess. You are warmed, feeling somewhat significant in the world. In turn, you tag another friend, conveying at once humour, amity and attachment.

Oxfess is no trivial part of the Oxford experience. It is a dimension parallel to the courteous propriety, the quiet shyness, and the plastic smiles of ordinary exchanges. Perhaps the most vibrant Oxford platform on the internet, with its release of passions, challenge of boundaries and blend of creativity, Oxfess is an enchanting space where the real intertwines with the surreal.

I cannot help but wonder, what does it all mean? Why are we so hooked to Oxfess, what are the consequences, and what are the caveats? Here, I offer my speculations for these questions, with some laboriously mined semi-data and partially amateur psychology.

Although Oxfess posts are amazingly diverse, there are some common threads we can pull from the mix. To ground my informal investigation, let’s start with the semi-data: I flipped through
five days of Oxfess posts in mid-December and eyeballed them into loosely defined categories.

Whilst most posts simply could not be categorised, the runner-up category was ‘sex or love life related’ (with 62 posts in five days). Unsurprisingly, Oxfess is abundant with political opinions (60), and serious or not, political posts are the most likely to get an unusually high volume of reacts and comments. Political posts can be roughly split into three groups: private schools, Brexit and free speech (the popularity in descending order).

Real personal difficulties and mental health issues amounted to around 36 posts, most of which got few or no reacts at all. Then there were college-specific posts, which tend to provoke a lot of tagging, especially those in the format of ‘Oxford colleges as…’. Posts involving name initials pop up every once in a while (17), although they do not command much popularity. The enduring catch phrases include ’sex is good but’ (12) and ’not a substitution for personality’ (12), not so enduring catch phrases include ‘BTEC’, ‘yeet’, and the obviously seasonal ‘all I want for Christmas is’. Finally, only one post about rowing, since, it was vacation time after all.

So what does it all mean? Do Oxfess posts reveal something about Oxford culture?

The caveat first: Oxfess is not representative in any way of the entire student body, and there are many people who do not follow it. There is no guarantee that everyone who writes to Oxfess is related to Oxford at all, and even more unlikely that every post is a true story.

Yet still, even if there is no such thing as ‘the Oxford culture’ in the strict sense, we know vaguely what we are talking about when we talk about ‘an Oxford culture’. It is intimately linked to the traditions of the institution and the broader history of British society, and remains clearly distinct from other university cultures.

Clearly, the bulk of Oxfess is just for fun – more like procrastination popcorn than food for thought. Sex seems to be constantly at the forefront of the collective consciousness of Oxford students, whether they claim to like or dislike it. When the Oxfess admin was asked last year what the page can tell us about the University’s student culture, the reply was, “What it says about Oxford culture as a whole is that everyone is really fucked up and everyone really
wants to f*** everything that moves”.

On the other hand, the revelation of psychological problems (especially pertaining to loneliness) on Oxfess ironically confirms how hidden such difficulties remain to be: people don’t tend to respond to such posts because, if they don’t relate to the post, they don’t know how to comfort the anon; if they do relate, they tend to only relate in secrecy in fear that a react or comment may expose their own inner turbulence to their Facebook friends.

Oxfess appears to be quite different from other university confession pages. Political opinions in Oxford are diverse and plenty, but the ‘private schools’ and ‘London’ fixation arguably reflects a class divide in Oxford and Britain which is hardly ever as pronounced or explicit elsewhere in the world. For example, the political posts on US universities UC Berkeley’s and UBC’s confession pages, whether jocular or serious, tend to be much more race-based than class-based; hardly any posts relate to discrimination based on one’s high school or place of origin within the country.

Why do we like, need or want Oxfess so much? High schools and universities are the main breeding ground of confession pages – but why? Does it have something to do with the operations of the young-adult mind?

In the New Yorker article ‘The Psychology of Online Comments’, the author cites a Pew poll in saying, “As the age of a user decreases, his reluctance to link a real name with an online remark increases; forty per cent of people in the eighteen-to-twenty-nine-year-old demographic have posted anonymously”. In addition, psychological studies have found that “conformity increased to adolescence and decreased after adolescence”. It appears that both anonymity and popularity have more appeal to and influence upon adolescents and young adults; and perhaps, we are attracted to anonymity precisely because we are scared of losing popularity.

The tender darkness of anonymity bestows a strange, illusory power upon people. Life is boring; anonymity allows adventure. It frees us from the cell of socially expedient and socially acceptable remarks; it permits the congestion of inner feelings to be safely and conveniently discharged.

Exposure is vulnerability; power is knowing without being known. For readers, it is a great relief to know that someone else shares the same troubles as themselves, without having to first reveal their own troubles to the world. For authors, who quietly await to track the ripples of a post in the lake of users, they may observe the audience as they themselves retreat behind the curtain.

Even better, one hides only as much as one would like to hide. It is entirely up to the confessant how invisible they want to be, and the delicate discretion is a thrilling art in its own right. This is likely why we don’t have college confession pages — at the college level, everything becomes too identifiable. By contrast, the uni-wide nature of Oxfess means that a ‘crush’ post hinting at ‘xy@z’ is directed at an audience of thousands rather than just a few hundred.

A further element of Oxfess’s attraction is that tagging and being tagged under posts are signals of friendship. For fostering new friendships and maintaining old ones, in such a hectic environment where it can be hard to catch up with a friend in person, tagging on Facebook is a quick and easy way to show someone that we are thinking of them.

Oxfess is an opportunity for, rather curiously, anonymous popularity. For the confessant, an Oxfess generally has two motivations: one is to vent, the other is to elicit some reaction from others. The platform fulfils the first need by virtue of its anonymity, and the second need by virtue of its popularity. For the audience, the platform’s anonymity and popularity provides consolation and thrill. That’s why both writing and reading ‘relatable’ posts are so satisfying: it reassures us that we are not alone, that whatever we feel, there are people out there who feel the same way. Relatable and witty posts create win-win solutions, benefitting both the authors and the readers by giving them exactly what they seek.

When anonymity and popularity combine, Oxfess is the best intermediary. It is the artificial distance that excuses people from confronting one another fact to face. In a sense, it is a laboratory for social skills, a space for trial and error in our attempts to be likeable and interesting, where we test for reactions without the risk of leaving enduring impressions.

Yet, in the end, how much of all this — react baiting, tagging, relating — is what we truly want to do as opposed to what we feel like we ought to do? Perhaps, both in form (the huge audience, the
recurrent catch phrases) and content (the debate between going out and not going out, the jokes about sex and so on), Oxfess represents the tension between rejecting and succumbing to social pressure that is particular volatile, even torturous, at this time of our lives.

Finally, it’s time to explore the ugly side of Oxfess. Firstly, Oxfess feeds into procrastination. The eclectic nature of Oxfess posts certainly functions in a slot-machine like way, making us addicted whilst earning Facebook tons of money through traffic and advertisements.

Secondly, popular anonymity has its problems. We meet John Suler’s ‘online disinhibition effect’: “the moment you shed your identity the usual constraints on your behaviour go”. As Common Ground put in the description of its event ‘Oxfess: tracking colonial attitudes’ last term, “Anonymity is a well-known breeding ground for bigotry: it should be no surprise then to hear such voices coming through the Facebook page Oxfess”.

The event was prompted by the concern that Oxfess reveals “a lot of ignorant views on race and class” and “a basic lack of understanding” regarding colonialism and class structures. It was later aborted because the organisers believed it would be more fruitful to talk about de-platforming in general, especially in the wake of the Bannon’s talk at the Union.

The Oxfess admins certainly prioritise protecting their readers through their strict policy that “if someone wants a post deleted, and they have any interest in the matter of the post, we will delete it” – thanks to which, cyberbullying does not seem to be a problem with Oxfess. Yet Oxfess does indeed still contain traces of “ignorant views” and malicious content. However, perhaps exposing such views so that we have a realistic perception of how and what Oxford students think is not such a bad thing, so that comments from the community can potentially give the anonymous author more information and facilitate constructive discussion.

Thirdly, are we playing hide-and-seek with confessions because we are a lonelier generation, as so many researchers have claimed? The act of confession was at its roots religious, but modernity has seen religion wane. When the religious confessional has ever less authority, when confessional letters to trusted friends are out of fashion, and when hiding behind the blue shimmer of Facebook is often the easiest way out, does Oxfess take its place?

On the bright side, Oxfess certainly brings benefits. Aside from the aforementioned inevitable appeal of anonymous popularity, Oxfess provides stress release, more freedom and revelation via anonymity, and simply fun and creativity. The marvellous vitality with which Oxfess evolves with the tidings of student life and the world at large reflects its relevance amongst the Oxford student community.

In the end, it is certainly harmless to read a couple of Oxfesses to relax, enjoyable to interact with friends on the platform, and beneficial to engage in (occasional, perhaps) streaks of serious debate if one would like to. Yet that’s not to deny that Oxfess has a dark side too.

In good spirits, I will end with: sex is good but, Oxfess is not a substitute for personality.

Nuffield College ‘unconcerned’ about academic’s ‘racist pseudoscience’, claim students

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Cherwell understands that as many as seven Nuffield students complained to College administrators about Noah Carl’s conduct in the wake of last year’s revelation that he was involved in a secret eugenics conference at UCL.

A number of students raised concerns that Carl is involved with multiple groups which produce and disseminate discredited race science. No formal action was taken, and Carl was allowed to stay until the end of his tenure.

Papers presented at the London Conference on Intelligence include those arguing that racial differences in penis length predict different levels of parental care, lamenting “racial admixture”, and arguing that “low IQ Southern non-Western immigration […] threatens the sustainability of European democracy, welfare and civilisation.”

Carl is the second most prolific contributor to OpenPsych, a non-peer reviewed online journal linked to the Conference that focuses on issues of race, criminality and intelligence, and has links to the far-right. Carl’s articles for OpenPsych include two on the connection between terrorism and Muslim population size using data from an Islamophobic conspiracy website.

A spokesperson for the Warden of Nuffield College told Cherwell: “Dr Carl left the College’s employment in September 2018 to take up another post. The College is not able to comment further on confidential matters relating to the employment of a former member of staff.”

Cherwell also understands that a number of students complained to the JCR and the Department of Sociology, and that at least two met personally with the Warden to discuss the contents of the London Student article.

One of these students told Cherwell: “We spoke with the warden, he said that they consulted the university, about appropriate actions, and concluded that there wasn’t any ‘formal’ action to take”.

“It seemed all they had resolved to do after meeting with Noah in the interim was to have the eugenics conference remove any mention of Nuffield.”

Another told the Warden that Carl’s presence in the college might violate the Nuffield code of conduct by constituting an imposition of an “intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for another person.”

Speaking to Cherwell, they described their meeting with the Warden as “very unsatisfac- tory”, saying he appealed to freedom of speech. “He was also very non-committal about the extent to which he had looked at the material of the eugenics conference, which seemed purposely evasive to me.”

Noah Carl, who was a postdoctoral researcher at Nuffield until leaving for Cambridge last year, has been accused by over 500 fellow academics of promoting “ethically suspect and methodologically awed” research into the connection between race and criminality.

The principal investigator of Noah Carl’s team at the sociology department, Professor Anthony Heath, was alerted to Carl’s activities in early February, with a complainant writing that “Carl is using his role as a researcher on your project to pursue work that is both morally unconscionable and entirely pseudo-scientic.”

Professor Heath responded that while he would not want to give any legitimacy to the views expressed at the London Conference on Intelligence, Carl was selected for the role by a regular open recruitment process, and his work for the project was closely monitored. Professor Heath said it was not within his role or power to “proscribe what researchers do in their personal capacity.”

Professor Heath told Cherwell that he was “utterly opposed to racist doctrines and would not want to give legitimacy to any conference or publication airing racist or pseudo-scientific research.”

However, students have criticised what they saw as the “legitimation and normalisation of Carl’s racist work through prestigious funding prizes from elite institutions.”

The student told Cherwell of an atmosphere of “tension and bitterness” within the College. Speaking anonymously, they said: “Nuffield has proved to be an alienating and deeply divided social science research community, in part because of the legacy of Noah Carl and continued support for him and his racist work amongst a vocal minority of the student body (though not, to my knowledge, amongst Nuffield academics)”.

“I know many students who just try to avoid college life as much as possible because of this culture of acceptance, or at the very least tolerance, of far-right politics,” the 1st-year graduate student told Cherwell.

During his time at Oxford Carl presented papers at the London Conference on Intelligence, a conference on racial eugenics with close links to Richard Lynn’s pro-eugenics Pioneer Fund. The Pioneer Fund bankrolls the white nation- alist American Renaissance and eugenicist journal Mankind Quarterly, which Carl has also written for.

Nuffield’s JCR president did not respond to Cherwell’s request for comment.

Is your college investing in your grades?

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The amount that colleges spend on their libraries is key to their academic performance, a Cherwell investigation has found.

Cherwell’s analysis shows the statistical correlation between access to reading material and Norrington Table performance. New data on 15 undergraduate college libraries, obtained by Cherwell through Freedom of Information requests, sheds light on the role of college wealth in the undergraduate student experience. The libraries of colleges that ranked higher on the league table tended to be larger and have more books.

The data also shows that library size is largely determined by the size of a college’s assets, which varies from £329 million for New College to just £24.8 million for Harris Manchester. This range was reflected in college library budgets for new material, which ranged from an annual average of £20,000 for Merton to just £4,700 for Mansfield.

Three out of the top five highest budgeted libraries (Merton, New College and Magdalen), ranked in the top 10 of all wealthiest Oxford colleges, while three of the five lowest budgeted libraries (St.Hugh’s, Harris Manchester and Mansfield) belonged to colleges in the bottom 10 in terms of endowment size.

This is despite the less wealthy Oxford colleges spending a far higher proportion of their assets on their library budget for new material, with New College’s library taking in just 0.4% of its endowment annually compared 3.3% for Harris Manchester.

Four of the top five colleges in library budgets (Merton, Magdalen, New and Balliol) rank among the top five in Norrington table score averages from 2006-2017. Likewise, four of the five colleges with smallest library budgets (Exeter, St. Hugh’s, Mansfield and Harris Manchester), ranked in the bottom ten of Norrington table scores.

These revelations come amidst other rising questions about the relationship between college wealth and student experiences. A Cherwell investigation last term demonstrated how wealthier colleges are able to expand their endowments much more rapidly and the impacts upon academic and admissions standards.

In 2002, an Oxford SU report demon- strated that students “are far from guar- anteed a common educational experience, with detriment not only to their academic performance but also to their general welfare and financial condition.”

Vice-President of Access and Academic Affairs Lucas Bertholdi-Saad told Cherwell: “We believe in an Oxford education where colleges are at the heart of the education and support each student receives, but where the college or hall to which a student belongs makes no difference to the quality of their education, including the quality of education resources.

“We also ask students to offer their feedback all year round and play an active part in shaping their learning experience.”

College libraries are a crucial resource to students, especially those studying humanities. While all course materials are available in the University-wide Bodleian libraries, these books are often occupied by other students on the same course. Central Bodleian libraries also tend to have more restrictive opening hours than college libraries.

Most college libraries have liberal policies on purchasing new material on request from students, but this process can be cumbersome. Students with access to more well-resourced libraries can therefore gain an advantage in the speed and breadth of their essays.

A spokesperson for the History Society told Cherwell: “The correlation found by Cherwell’s investigation is upsetting, but not surprising. The flexible opening times and accessibility of college libraries mean that to many students of text-heavy subjects like history a well stocked college library is crucial to producing high quality work.

“While for extended projects like theses the Bodleian Library is very useful, college libraries are often more convenient to use for weekly tutorial essays due to the former’s restrictive opening hours and rules about some materials remaining on site.

“As such, the quality of a college library is particularly important when, during the process of writing an essay late at night or shortly before a deadline, one discovers an urgent need for further, specific materials. While ideally a student should plan their time with this in mind, realistically, students with access to a well stocked college library fare better in these types of common situations.”

The fifteen colleges included in Cherwell’s investigation were Balliol, Brasenose, Corpus Christi, Exeter, Harris Manchester, Magdalen, Mansfield, Merton, New, St Anne’s, St. Catherine’s, St. Hilda’s, St. Hugh’s, University and Worcester. Other colleges had to be excluded due to issues with standardization of the data.

Women-only scholarship opened to all genders

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A fellowship previously exclusive to women was made to be availible to all genders after it was deemed illegally discrimanatory last term.

The Oxford Council, the university’s senior administrative committee asserted that the award was “discriminatory on the grounds of gender”. A spokesperson for the university cited “complying with legislation” as the primary motivation.

The Joanna Randall-MacIver junior research fellowship, established in the 1930s for women in the humanities, is worth £46,800 over two years. The amendment received approval on November 19 2018.

The move has provoked a backlash from former recipients. Elizabeth Cullingford, now Professor at the University of Texas at Austin, condemned the change: “There have been ‘men only’ stipulations on most Oxford emoluments for roughly the last thousand years,” she said. “Women, who only became full members of the university in 1920, still have a bit of catching up to do.”

But Professor Cullingford conceded that, although regrettable, she would accept the change if “the law requires it.”

Another previous recipient, who wished to remain anonymous, also opposed the change: “It’s sad to see the struggle against discrimination being invoked to justify such a move. Men have never been underrepresented among Oxford’s academic staff. Women still are.”

Louise Richardson, Oxford’s Vice Chancellor, announced the amendment on November 13 2018. Usually, revisions to university legislation require the backing of 20 academics. But

reforms billed as “administrative changes” can be fast-tracked by the Oxford Council. Proposals can then be opposed by the Oxford Congregation, made up of all Oxford academics, if two letters are sent to Gill Aitken, the university’s Registrar, which in this case were not received.

Oxford responded: “Under the 2010 Equality Act, employers are not normally permitted to advertise or recruit to posts open to one gender only. As a consequence, Oxford Uni- versity has changed the terms of a number of historically-created posts so they are no longer gender-specific. The Joanna Randall-MacIver Fellowship is the most recent example.”

“The University is very much aware of the lack of women in academic roles and is work- ing to end the imbalance as a priority. Several initiatives to promote equality, including pro- fessional development programmes for female academics, are now well-established and beginning to show an impact.”

Employment law regarding academic fellowships is ambiguous. Fellows are technically students, undertaking doctoral research, but receive a stipend and housing allowance of £23,400 per annum. The Equality Act 2010 deems it unlawful to discriminate against gender in posts of employment.

Partner at Winckworth Sherwood law firm, Bettina Bender, concluded that the fellowship did constitute a position of employment: “it would appear that the research fellow may at the very least qualify for worker status even if they do not in fact qualify as an employee,” she said. “The Equality Act 2010 and the prohibition on positive discrimination of female applicants would therefore apply.”

A study this year by the Equality Challenge Unit revealed that women make up 56.5% of undergraduate students but account for just 45.3% of UK academic staff. Many academics support positive action schemes to rebalance gender inequality.

Dr Xiaofan Amy Li, a former recipient, said: “I do not think that a women-only scheme is discriminatory towards men, precisely because existing gender bias in society already puts women at a disadvantage.”

She also added: “nevertheless, ethnicity bias is a much bigger problem than gender bias in academia and the percentage of BAME academic staff is very low. If the Randall-MacIver fellowship can be opened up to male BAME candidates, that will be a very welcome move.”

Women began studying at Oxford in 1870, but were not granted degrees until 1920.

The fellowship is funded by the estate of British-born archaeologist David Randall-MacIver. It’s named after his wife Joanna Randall- MacIver, who died in 1932, and was established for “women graduates only.” Notable recipients include archaeologist Georgina Herrman OBE and the Tate’s current Head of Art Historical Research Jennifer Mundy.

Escaping to Space

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David Bowie asked if there was Life on Mars? not because of an interest in aliens or the unknown, but because of a dissatisfaction with life on earth. The entire song depicts a girl who has seen the worst of life ‘ten times or more’, who considers this planet a ‘sunken dream’ in contrast to what awakened existence could be, who sees a film that is a montage of injustice and through this all holds the single overbearing thought ‘is there life on Mars?’ A desire for a world out in the heavens, another place we might visit in the stars, is not necessarily indicative of a whimsical wish for adventure, but conversely a taunt of a utopia that could physically exist.

It is entirely within the realm of possibility that there is another world out there where all that socially isolates us on Earth could be valued in a different society. If there exist not billions but trillions upon quadrillions of life forms, isn’t it far more likely we might find someone perfect to love us than if we are merely trapped on Earth? It was Star Trek that gave birth to fanfiction as a genre, a series that presents in part the fantasy of space as a series of brief romances between Captain Kirk and endless fascinating and unique alien women. The universe is a world of possibility, and that can be possibility for the grandest cause of furthering understanding of science and the human condition, to possibility for filling the deep insecurities of our own hearts.

Unpopular opinion though it may be, Doctor Who series 5, with the introduction of Matt Smith as the Eleventh Doctor has always resonated the most with out of the whole show. In the opening episode the Doctor first meets companion Amy as a lonely child and promises to take her on a trip through space if she would just wait five minutes for him to come back. He accidentally takes twelve years to return, but Amy has had a suitcase packed for outer space and has been waiting the entire time, ready to abandon her life in a heartbeat for the promises of another life travelling the stars. Science fiction is filled with souls who would leave earth behind at a moment’s notice, and I know I would.

This isn’t a phenomenon that has only existed since the birth of popular sci-fi ushered in by Star Trek – Lord Byron expressed in Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage that the stars were one of the few sources of hope left for someone who felt nothing but a death of feeling in every country he visited. He asks the stars, the ‘poetry of heaven’, to forgive him for when ‘our destinies o’erleap their mortal state and claim a kindred’ with them. The misanthropic narrator of the poem isn’t completely devoid of a feeling of purpose – it is only unfortunate that this purpose lies beyond someone confined to Earth could ever reach. W. H. Auden gives Byron what he couldn’t achieve in life in Letter to Lord Byron by placing Byron in a cosmic ‘abode’ in the stars where he perpetually watches over other poets and intercedes when poetry needs saving, and defines Byron’s constant influencing of new artists as proof he is up in the heavens, reading others’ poems like fan-mail. Auden doesn’t allow poets to die – upon the death of W. B. Yeats, Auden wrote in his Ode to Yeats ‘he became his admirers.’ Instead, they are somewhere out there in the galaxy, watching out for the other poets below on Earth.

Now that the Tesla car has been launched into the Earth’s orbit, pieces of media have been chosen seemingly by Elon Musk himself to represent humanity to the rest of this universe. Elon Musk was not the best choice as Earth’s ambassador, but for better or worse there is now a car perpetually playing Bowie’s other extraterrestrial song Space Oddity. As a representation for humanity we could certainly do a lot worse. Taken without Ashes to Ashes this is a song about an astronaut slowly coming to terms with his own death in space, but it is upbeat through the helplessness. Major Tom is guided by his spaceship which ‘knows which way to go’, while ‘planet earth is blue and there’s nothing I can do’, and so there is a sense of total loss of direction and agency – but there are simultaneously images of Major Tom saying his final goodbyes to his wife (‘Tell my wife I love her very much, she knows’), the people revering him, and him being in a position where he will surely go down in history as one of an unhappy few to die in space.

It is a gradual song about drifting peacefully away to a sublime death that will never be forgotten. It is the calm fading away of someone who departed this planet in search of the beautiful, and thus is an anthem of the driven nature of humanity, and hardly the worst ambassador to the galaxy. Since the advent of astrology space has been believed to hold some of the secrets to the universal issues humans puzzle over, and for every laser battle, there are vast times of contemplation and reflection in Science Fiction. From thousands of years of cryogenic freezing, to the chilling 10-minute ‘Star Gate’ sequence of Kubrick’s 2001 as Dave struggles and fails to comprehend the universe with his human brain, space is more empty and incomprehensible than it is anything else.

The concept that when we look to space we are trying to escape the flaws of this earth doesn’t merely exist within media, but of course has found a place in ‘political theory’. A group of Trotskyist conspiracy theorists in the 60’s attempted to fuse communism and ufology, and came up with Posadism (named after their leader Juan Posadas). Opening branches in dozens of countries, the Fourth International Posadist ideology essentially boiled down to the belief that an alien race with the technology to travel through space to visit Earth would inevitably have come from a more socially advanced world where communism was embraced and class struggle ended. Thus, to install communism across the world, one should not seek to change world politics or even incite revolution, but seek the means to discover aliens willing to invade us, colonise us, and make us communists. For those wishing to see posadism mocked or rebel against the Terrestrials, I would recommend the Facebook page Intergalactic Workers’ League.

Conventionally, when we think of space in the media, we might think of disaster movies about alien invasion, and most people would likely not welcome a first contact happening in their lifetime. This is hardly recent – the first work of science fiction could be said to be Lucian’s A True Story written in Greek in the second century A. D., where the armies of the Sun seek to cloud out the Moon. But behind that there is a sense of the wondrous impossible as Lucian’s characters eat the cheese of the moon, drink from its milky lakes and ride its resident emus. The greatest reason we have to fear a First Contact war is because of humanity’s track record with civilisations encountering one another for the first time. The violence we ascribe imagined space cultures with is our own, whereas the wonder we seek in space comes from a lack of stimulation from our own world. However, I would suggest that the latter is a crueller thought – it is easy to sleep at night being grateful that violent aliens haven’t come to our planet, less so to think there are trillions of dazzling sights and individuals out there in this universe we will forever miss out on seeing.

John Major apologised to Bill Clinton over Home Office role in Oxford draft-dodging rumours, papers reveal

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John Major sent a letter apologising to Bill Clinton over the Home Office’s involvement in damaging press rumours, official cabinet records reveal.

During the 1992 US Presidential Election campaign, rumours circulated that Clinton had applied for UK citizenship while studying at Oxford to avoid the Vietnam draft.

Despite a Home Office investigation proving the claims groundless, the press coverage –reported in The Washington Post on December 5, 1992 – proved deeply embarrassing for Major.

“I am disturbed by reports which have appeared about enquiries by our Home Office relating back to your time at Oxford,” Major wrote to Clinton on December 6, 1992.

“I am only sorry that it has been played up now in a mischievous way. I hope the mischief will be short lived.”

The incident further strained relations between the Prime Minister and President-elect Clinton, after two Conservative Party strategists had travelled to the US weeks before the election to advise Republican candidate George H.W. Bush.

Clinton’s time at Oxford between 1968 and 1970 was targeted by Bush campaigners seeking damaging information. Charles Black, a senior Republican campaign advisor, confirmed they’d hired an ‘oppositional research’ specialist to dig for information in Britain.

Rumours of Clinton’s ‘draft-dodging’ were used by opponents to question his legitimacy during the election. The US State Department conducted a search into Clinton’s passport files but found no evidence for the claims.

Major clarified, “What happened, as I hope [British Ambassador to the US] Robin Renwick will have explained to your people, is that during the campaign our Home Office were asked a number of questions by journalists about whether you had applied for British citizenship while in this country.”

“In accordance with their normal practice, they refused to make any on-the-record comment but, having checked the facts, they sought to guide the press on a background basis that there was absolutely nothing in the story.” The Washington Post mistakenly published the Home Office quote on-the-record, embarrassing Major.

Tony Blair, then Shadow Home Secretary, criticised the Home Office’s investigation. It’s “not just an error of judgement,” he said. “It can’t exactly help our relations with one of our most powerful allies.”

The files – released at the National Archives at Kew on December 28, 2018 – showed no personal response from Clinton. A potential December 1992 meeting was also rearranged for 1993 in a move the Washington Post called a “political snub.”

Their next correspondence was another letter from Major on January 19, 1993, the day before Clinton’s inauguration. “Norma and I send you and Hillary our best wishes for your great day tomorrow and for your success and happiness at the White House,” Major wrote.

In response, Clinton telephoned Major at 6.30pm the same day and they ‘spoke for about 15 minutes.’ Major said ‘he hoped the President would come over to Britain again.’

Clinton responded, ‘he and the Prime Minister would need to meet soon but, apart from that, he would like to make a sentimental journey to England, including Oxford, at some point during his term.’ They went on to discuss policy regarding Saddam Hussein’s Iraq.

Annelise Dodds tells Cherwell second referendum could be the “only way out” in exclusive interview

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If the pressure of the last two years in British politics have affected Annelise Dodds, then she doesn’t show it. She is cheery and friendly as we discuss her views on the Brexit process, its impact on the city, the university, and its students, but Dodds is nevertheless angry about the way that the government is conducting itself.

The MP for Oxford East – elected in 2017 after three years as an MEP – seems to be overflowing with criticisms of the government, and solutions which she hopes her own party might implement in office. When I ask her if she thinks that the country needs a new general election so that a new government could carry out Brexit she is adamant that it does, but that it needs a new government for so many other reasons as well.

“I think that’s why the party’s calling for it as well.” She says, “In terms of Labour’s position on how we can deal with the situation, I’m obviously concerned with where we are now as a country. I’m very worried about the deal that’s being proposed by Theresa May – it would be very bad for us, particularly in Oxford where we need to have certainty about customs arrangements into the future. We don’t have that under her deal, and that’s a big issue for big employers like BMW who have big questions about freedom of migration. We need to have a different approach. Now if we had an election and had a Labour government we’d be in a very different position…”

I ask her if, like her party, she is drifting towards the conclusion that the only alternative to a new general election is a second referendum, and here she seems more hesitant.

“We’d have to work out what Labour’s position would be in a general election, I think we would have a very different approach to negotiating, but it might also be important to see whether people’s views have changed. But if we can’t get that general election and we don’t have a large number of conservative MPs willing to hold one unfortunately”, she pauses and then says, “the only way out of that impasse could be to have another referendum.”

“But I don’t think it would be easy, quite the opposite – it would be very, very difficult. As somebody who campaigned to Remain across a lot of the South East of England, including a lot of areas which voted Leave, I think it would be very, very difficult, but I think it could be the only way to resolve this issue.”

“If it is then it’s much more likely to be accepted by people who voted leave, as well as some people who voted Remain but who are now saying, ok you just need to get on with it.” She’s also angry about how the government has handled Brexit, and says that “we have a government that is fixated on these red lines it set at the beginning of negotiations, and if they chucked those we would be a in a much better position, because they would be looking at it from a point of view of what is best for the country, and not from the point of view of quite a right-wing ideological position.”

Stridently opposed to what she sees as the negative repercussions of Brexit for British students, she seems genuinely concerned about the negative effect leaving the European Union might have on their future prospects.

“I’ve heard many stories about people having job offers withdrawn in the rest of the EU and also of people previously saying they’d take up jobs in Britain and then deciding that they didn’t want to. That’s for a whole range of different reasons. I think partly it’s about lack of clarity around research funding and round future migration rules, which are still very, very unclear.But I think it’s also because people are worried about what kind of reception they’ll get in our country.”

In particular Dodds opposes the government’s current immigration targets, remarking melancholically that “The government has wrongly suggested that you can indicate skills purely on the basis of what salary level is and that there might be a similar cut-off for people coming into our country to work as there is for non-EU migrants.”

As a former academic she seems concerned about how younger researchers might be unable to work in the UK, disrupting the academic research process.

Nevertheless, she also seems hopeful, saying “I think we’re moving towards a more sensible position on this, and I think the Home Secretary is more enlightened on some of it than the Prime Minister, but we’ve not got yet to where we need to be.”

“In terms of more generally, young people and their rights within the whole process, certainly as students, I’ve raised a number of times, including directly with the Prime Minister, that we really haven’t seen any prominence allocated to this within any of the Brexit negotiations. In fact, the first question I asked of the Prime Minister was why research had barely been mentioned at all in her Queen’s speech after the general election, despite being so important.”

Dodds laughs, “There are so many other things I could say, I don’t really know where to start!”

I can tell there are.

Andrew Adonis proposes college for underrepresented students

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Lord Andrew Adonis has called for the creation of new undergraduate colleges at Oxford and Cambridge as a means to improving “access with excellence” to the universities for students from underrepresented backgrounds.

The former Minister of State for Education suggested that founding new colleges with the specific mission of attracting applicants from state schools whose students do not usually apply would be more effective in increasing the number of state school pupils in Oxford and Cambridge than current outreach programmes and proposals such as implementing diversity-focused quotas.

Under the proposals, educational charities such as Ark and Harris would be recruited as college founders with the task of creating “1,000 or more” additional places each year. The  colleges would set precedents at the university for new ways of recruiting students not from an Oxbridge tradition.

In an interview with Cherwell, Adonis said: “What we now need is bold dramatic reform which can only happen by significantly expanding the number of places at Oxford and allocating those additional places for widening participation.

“By far the best way to achieve that is to have colleges which are focused like a laser on the task of widening access and aren’t part of the existing college system.”

In response to the accusation that state-school-only colleges could create social divisions within Oxford, the Labour Peer said: “All students are on a par at Oxford and mixed together freely so I don’t think that there’s an issue of segregation at all.

“The reason for doing this is not to segregate students but to expand access, and at the moment that is not being done.

“It would be perverse to argue against a bold but practical initiative to expand access on the grounds that it would be better if these students weren’t there at all.”

Senior figures at Oxford University have not yet expressed strong support for the proposals, with some suggesting that the plan would create a socially divided university atmosphere. Professor Martin Williams, Pro-Vice-Chancellor for Education at the University of Oxford, told Cherwell: “We share Lord Adonis’ aspiration to ensure the opportunities of an Oxford education are open to all talented students but his plan does not offer the across-the-board change we are looking for.”

“We know that our undergraduates value the chance to mix with and learn from fellow students of all backgrounds, including our international students.

“Oxford colleges were once segregated on the basis of gender and we don’t want to create new divisions on any grounds.”

David Lammy MP, also a former Labour education minister, had previously proposed the centralisation of Oxford’s admissions system as a means to improve access to the university. Adonis was unenthusiastic about centralisation, telling Cherwell: “It may be a desirable thing to do, but it’s simply not going to happen because the location of power in the university lies with the colleges, so short of a root and branch reform of the governance of Oxford – which isn’t going to happen – it’s going nowhere as a proposal.

“The way we’ve always brought about big reform in the past in Oxford where underrepresented groups – whether they be graduates or women, or religious minorities – get proper representation at Oxford is to make new colleges.

“In fact almost every new college in Oxford has been set up with a dedicated mission in mind.”

Adonis was supportive of the Foundation Year course at Lady Margaret Hall, but suggested that it did not make enough of an impact in expanding Oxford’s access and outreach: “If you look at what’s happening in LMH, I applaud what’s being done, but the numbers are very small.

“If we had three colleges set up, that’s 500 more students a year.”

Though Adonis said he was “keen to help found one of these colleges” he did not express any intention to be formally associated with a new Oxford college: “I can absolutely guarantee in blood that no college which I play any part in founding will have my name attached to it or to any building which is a part of it.

“One Adonis in England is quite enough.”

Lunch with Cherwell: Giles Coren

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Lunch with Giles Coren is a unique affair. Sitting inside Pompette in Summertown, which is excellent by the way, he was not the bull-in-the-china shop one might expect given his media demeanour. Composed and self-assured, he could have easily been mistaken for just another restaurant-goer; that is until the nervous giddiness of the owner highlighted the importance of the man and his review. Coren tells me that he always informs the owners of the deliciousness of their food because if he does not, “they will worry for weeks.” With the waiters he becomes a real foodie – a term he certainly does not attribute to himself – discussing the transparency of wine, the gluttonous nature of snails and so on. In fact, this tendency to chat with the staff acted as a general symbol of the man’s personality. It was not clear to me whether Giles’s brain works faster than his mouth or vice-versa, but what often resulted was a stream of ideas, often relatively unconnected, sometimes venturing into dark and taboo alleys. Seemingly interested in everything, in around two hours we cover an impressive plethora of topics, from his time at Oxford to his unexpectedly late introduction to pornography, and everything in between.

Coren is perhaps best known for his involvement in a number of controversies. His Wikipedia page has its own ‘Controversies’ section, for Christ’s sake. I question him about his seemingly uncontrollable tendency to write outlandish things, and his response is, on one hand, as expected: “if you want to have a f***ing great time, you have to turn up the volume.” He uses Piers Morgan as an example, stating: “if you’re a d*** like Piers Morgan, but you ramp it up, you get a massive c***, but he’s incredibly successful… and a brilliant journalist.”

However, this is not to say that Coren is unaware that his rhetoric must have limits. As he firmly puts it, the things he says “cannot be racist, sexist, homophobic.” At another point, he says he does not want to be “the Donald Trump of journalism.” When I ask if he feels pangs of insecurity after being criticised, Coren’s guard briefly drops, and signs of vulnerability appear. “The race thing really beat me up… I look back and wonder if I would have done things differently”, he admits, referring to an incident in which he phonetically interpreted the utterings of a Chinese man on the other end of the phone. He also confesses to occasionally going too far, citing a Twitter spat he had with the former political editor of the Guardian. In this interaction, he informs said editor that “my father [the late Alan Coren] says you f*** little girls.” Not too much concern, though, for it “only slightly spoilt the weekend.”

Given Coren’s unabashed openness, I decide to dig a little deeper into the specific scandals. I enquire about the time he called his son a “fat, little b******” in Esquire, an apparent rare instance of fat-shaming one’s own family member. He exclaims: “You see there is a problem!”. He first lambastes Wikipedia for permitting the surfacing of such flash statements without context. As he clarifies, some people may look upon his son as a “fat, little b******”, but Coren never said that he actually is one. He continues. In that article he also described his daughter as “being skinny as a cricket.” He justifies this by claiming that, in a contrastive sense, he was actually “praising” his daughter for her slimness. As he puts it, whereas his son is “made out [of] cake”, she is “made out of sticks and lego.”

Intimately tied up with all of Coren’s notoriety, and our conversation for that matter, is his remarkably unapologetic inclination to swear. His response is immediately simple: “they’re just good words.” Nonetheless, as with all of his responses, there are layers of complexity that Coren’s mind must explore. He firstly explains that he only swears on Twitter. Why this platform exclusively? Coren adds: “Twitter is a worthless, worthless thing. You, 200,000 people that follow me, should get a f***ing  life, go out and get some fresh air. If you want to read me creating great big Roman f***ing sentences, with carefully thought out constructions, buy the f***ing newspaper. If you’re some cheap c***, who is just going to look at Twitter, it’s just going to be f*** f*** f*** bollocks bollocks bollocks, why the f*** should I give you any more than that. Swearing is funny. It’s time to disengage your brain.”

I can’t resist bringing up the infamous nosh-gate incident, a leaked email from Coren to a sub-editor in which the former furiously reprimands the latter for amending his work. He offers a backstory to this saga: “It was just a couple months after my dad had died, so I was feeling particularly angry. It was 1am and I was really very drunk.” What follows is Coren’s both acoustic and behavioural impersonation of a chimp, suggesting the carnal baseness of this email. A particularly amusing moment is when he quotes a section from the letter in which he writes: “I only wrote that sodding paragraph to make that joke. And you’ve f***ing stripped it out like a p***ed Irish plasterer restoring a renaissance fresco and thinking Jesus looks shit with a bear so plastering over it.” He informs me that the greatest ambiguity in the email is the relationship between Jesus and the bear, a connection that has no Biblical precedent. He clarifies that in his drunken stupor he missed out a letter: “It was meant to be beard!”.  A decade of confusion finally resolved.

Our conversation gradually proceeds beyond Coren’s controversies. Considering that this is my first time meeting the man, it is particularly surprising how open Coren is about his sexual experiences in his youth. Then I remind myself – well, this is Giles Coren, after all. The first thing he notes about his time in Oxford is his “greatest mistake”, that being the fact that he came with a girlfriend. At first, he is characteristically jovial: “I was getting laid, and having gone to a single sex school, I thought that may never happen.” He soon, however, becomes genuinely affectionate: “We loved each other, and she was brilliant, and it was great fun.”

In fact, Coren’s adoration for the people in his past soon transforms into a form of deification. He alludes to another girlfriend: “the most beautiful girl in Oxford.” He then takes ten minutes to recount the life story of a close Syrian friend he had at Keble, breathlessly squeezing in every last detail, often amending minor aspects in order to ensure that I have the perfect, most holistic account possible. There’s no need for Coren to do this: in most conversations a nonchalant mention would have been sufficient. Not in his world. A former English undergraduate, Coren treats the people around him and his memories of them as if they are literary figures, giving them free life through his words. Graduating only thirty years ago, he speaks of Oxford as if it is a distant land, nostalgically reminiscing over the days of ‘pidge-posting’ and wrapped up letters on doors. He is also utterly perplexed by the college family system. “Are you supposed to f*** her?”, he asks of my college wife. Genuinely intrigued, he seems a potty-mouthed incarnation of Evelyn Waugh.

It is interesting that among two food critics – one vastly more experienced than the other – so little is spoken of food. When I ask him if people come up to him and try to speak to him about food, he replies: “I don’t really want to talk about food. I like reading, I like getting an early night, I like f***king, and I like playing with my kids. Two completely separate activities, of course.”

Read Coren’s account of his lunch with Darius in The Times  

Oxford Museums and the Artefacts of Colonialism

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The repatriation discussion is one which fitfully reoccurs whenever a high profile case will reach the mainstream media. In May 2018, the V&A considered returning Ethiopian treasures to the city of Maqdala. Very little has been heard about this since. More recently, however, the debate has been gaining important ground. Museum after museum have been caught up in it: the V&A, the British Museum, and recently Oxfords own Pitt Rivers. But why now? Such artefacts have been in Britain for centuries, so why, given the more pressing political questions, are we discussing repatriation?

Author Rhiannon Lucy Cosset argues Brexit has had a major influence on the repatriation debate; it chisels away any right Britain had to the Parthenon Marbles, which were taken in the 19th Century, among other artefacts. Since we are jettisoning ourselves from the EU, she argues, our claims to items belonging to other EU countries seem increasingly tenuous. However, the British Museum, whilst a contentious case, got away unscathed. Resistance against repatriation continues – perhaps because the debate itself is a colossal misnomer. Referring to our beloved national museum as The British Museumseems comical given much of its contents are not British at all.

When talk of repatriation come up, Brits will get defensive. Objects that have been in your country for your entire lifetime can feel British. However, prior to our own lives, these objects had a history that was pre-British; and pre-colonial. This is a fact we fail to engage with time and time again.

As it stands legally, there are no laws requiring nations to return items back to their country of origin. In 2007 the UN commissioned the United Nations Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples (UNDRIP). UNDRIP seeks to facilitate repatriation, but only applies only to human remains, and ceremonial objects. Moreover, UNDRIP is non-binding. In some instances, museums have seen fit to return objects – the University of Birmingham returned Aboriginal remains and objects of spiritual significance to Australia. But this was their choice, and what British museums will do is ultimately a British decision.

But who are we to even declare our decision is final? Shockingly, over 40% of the UK have deemed the Empire a good thing. Presumably former colonies would disagree, but we still see it as our call. It is no wonder so many are comfortable with their colonial history given how much we refuse to engage with it. Words like acquisitionexchangeand donate do not tell the whole story as much as ‘stealing’ might. 

The Pitt Rivers houses over 300,000 objects, one of which is a bracelet, an orkatar, sacred to the Maasai tribe who recently visited the museum. According to the database, [the orkatar] was donatedto the Pitt Rivers Museum in 1904 by Alfred Claud Hollis, a colonial administrator in British East Africa, but there is no information about how it came into his hands. How can a stolen object be donated”? Historian David Olusoga has said the same of the Benin bronzes (which currently are held in the British Museum), and declared that if Britain want to keep and display stolen objects, they need to be clear about their history and where they come from.

Many have noted that a primary purpose of museums is to teach history. Lying about the history of objects, then, seems counterproductive. Moreover, the Pitt Rivers has encountered major problems in contextualising its possessions, and the Maasai tribe’s visit was partly to help rectify this. The Pitt Riversdatabase was allegedly full of errors and gaps: one object marked as a Maasai bracelet was revealed to actually be an anklet.

All of this aside, there are, of course, many valid reasons not to return items to the countries where they are from. Dr Jharna Gourlay responded to arguments made by Olusoga noting the practicalities of repatriation: More people come to Britain to see these artefacts. How many of them will go to Pakistan or Afganistan?

A more compelling argument is that were these items to be returned, there is no guarantee they would be safe there. Some ex-colonies suffer the threat of fundamentalism. Gourlay cites what happened to the Bamiyan Buddhas in Afghanistan and Babri Masjid in India, and what Isis did in Syria, as an argument against repatriation. However, he argues overall, and most compellingly, that ex-colonies who claim restitution in the form of returns of goodies encourages cheap sentimentalism.

Perhaps this cheap sentimentalismis the problem. Repatriation ought to be more than a simple shipping of objects and a begrudging rearrangement of museum displays; it should involve understanding and apology, as part of the more important process of decolonising. We imagine colonialism happened in the past, and are affronted at the idea of apologising in 2018 for atrocities committed hundreds of years ago. But to pretend what was done in the past has little to no bearing on the present would be foolish. The ramifications of Britains colonial past still have bearing on the present day, and one need only look around Oxford to see this.

Whilst other nations like France have recently began negotiations to send colonial-era objects back to Africa, Britain has yet to do the same. Oxford, which claims to be a centre of learning should surely have some motivation to help. If museums such as the Pitt Rivers are for learning, they need to take a hands on approach to decolonisation in a way that isnt tokenistic but actually engaged.

Some may argue repatriation is not the way to engage with British history, and perhaps it is not. But how can we continue to prioritise our own curiosity over the needs of those from whom we have robbed? The contents of the Pitt Rivers for the Maasai tribe to whom they belong are not historical curiosities” – they are part of a living culture. It may be too much to ask people to engage in a past that they weren’t directly involved in, and to make up for thefts committed before their time. But a certain level of compassion for these existing cultures wouldn’t go amiss.

Olusoga, in a talk in Oxford, described seeing a British Ship in a museum in Holland. He explained the strange feeling of seeing something from your own culture, albeit your culture’s past, in a foreign museum, making it not too difficult to imagine how the acquiredcontents of our own museums would make others feel. Whether repatriation is the way forwards, it seems difficult to conceive of an educated future when we will not fully engage with the past.