Monday, May 5, 2025
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Quad Goals

William Hosie
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Quad Goals

The fashion scene in Oxford doesn’t attract much public attention. We don’t have the established legacy of a fashion show like Cambridge, or any haute couture shops – for obvious reasons. And yet, when we think of Oxonians through the fashion lens, we see three vibrant categories emerge. Through this typology, understanding the strange place that is Oxford, and its even stranger inhabitants, has never been easier.

First category: those who don’t know what looks good or bad and don’t care. They’ll probably be wearing a pink shirt under a dark green tweed jacket just like that girl you met at interview who didn’t get in. Second category: your ‘person-next-door’, those who look like they dressed up as Bob the Builder one day for school when they were five, thought it was cute and haven’t really changed style since. You’ll typically see them wearing a white Zara top under a green Zara shirt. They probably spent their summer holidays across Europe going from one friend’s house to another, networking their way through Goldman Sachs-employed parents. Their style is as bland as their personalities – although they don’t really care because they’re the kind of people who would argue that their bright career prospects are a definite alternative to a personality like yours: flamboyant and anticipating perpetual unemployment as optimistically as you can because, let’s face it, you study English.

Then you have the ones who care, enticingly enigmatic until you realise they’re really quite shallow. These people are conscious of the faux pas which those in the first category are unknowingly guilty of but rather than avoiding these no nos, they reclaim them. It’s sad to think that by competing to see who can look most edgy, they all end up looking the same. It comes to the point where the naked eye can no longer dissociate their pink socks from their yellow tops (which, let’s be honest, could as much have come from Urban Outfitters as from Octavia Foundation): it’s just one huge blob of colour, bum bags and the odd fishnet socking, like a cobweb in an abundant garden. These people go to Cellar every Thursday without exception. They live and die by Bullingdon. They have never been to a single Bridge Thursday.

Still, at the end of the day, we’re all quite jealous of these people. They may all look and sound the same, tied up in a co-dependent network of edginess which culminates in emotionally stunted debauchery at Notting Hill Carnival every year, but deep down we envy their ability to back themselves on even the most headache-inducing outfits and managing to come across as in control. As the icing on the cake the attention their clothes draw means they’re rich in a currency more valuable than the happiness, blissful fashion ignorance and career prospects of others: they get Oxloves.

Attacking Kezia Dugdale for going on I’m A Celeb is simple snobbery

Honor Brocklebank-Fowler
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Attacking Kezia Dugdale for going on I’m A Celeb is simple snobbery

It was revealed last week that former Scottish Labour party leader Kezia Dugdale would be joining the line-up of so-called “celebrities” to take part in this year’s series of ‘I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!’ The Sun reported that the politician would head to Australia immediately, during a particularly tumultuous time for her party, which in the last week alone has seen her stand-in replacement Alex Rowley forced to quit, and Corbyn ally Richard Leonard announced as the party’s new leader.

It has since emerged that Dugdale sought permission from party chiefs, with MSP Neil Findlay denouncing her decision to enter the jungle as “ludicrous”, adding that: “I think it demeans politics when people get involved in that. I think we’ve a very serious job to do…” But this is categorically unfair. One would presume she will have implemented a stand-in to fulfil her responsibilities within the Scottish Parliament, in the manner many MPs do when, for example, they’re ill or taking annual leave. Neil Findlay’s draconian shaming of Dugdale’s decision to appear on the show – and raise money for charity in the process – seems to me to be a thinly-veiled act of snobbery.

Findlay chose in his interview on Sunday to pick up on the perceived low-brow nature of the show, noting that the show involves “[jetting] off around the world and [sitting] around a campfire eating a kangaroo’s appendage.” This flippant remark, although possibly rooted in concern for the adequate representation of Dugdale’s regional constituents, fails to recognise the potential value of the MSP’s appearance on the show, which in its last series averaged a staggering 10.5 million viewers. Such appearances humanise politicians, who often seem removed from the preoccupations and interests of their electorate.

Former Conservative MP Edwina Currie’s decision to star on the show in 2014 was lauded by viewers and parliamentarians alike as a step towards personifying the representatives of a political system seen by many as archaic and inaccessible. Boris Johnson’s father Stanley, a prominent Conservative MEP in the 1980s, and co-chairman of pro-EU environmentalist group Environmentalists for Europe, is among the contestants appearing on the show.

Singling Dugdale out as the sole political figure on this year’s series is clearly an act of outrageous finger-pointing on the part of her colleagues. As Nicola Sturgeon said, Scottish Labour has shown itself this week to be a toxic “nest of vipers” by not applauding Dugdale’s attempt to demystify politicians. If the Duchess of Cambridge can be a relative-in-law of ‘Made in Chelsea’ bad-boy Spencer Matthews, surely Dugdale can eat a few wombat testicles for charity.

“You can’t deny that Spoons’ founder Tim Martin is one of the few true heroes of our generation.”

Alec Fullerton
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“You can’t deny that Spoons’ founder Tim Martin is one of the few true heroes of our generation.”

BrewDog is a fake. In a bid to continue their corporate expansion over the UK and Europe, the Scottish artisan beer company recently opened a new bar on Cowley Road. The interior inevitably resembles your textbook Islington gastro pub. You know what I’m talking about: the faux cheap and cheerful enamel tableware (think the fries mug at GBK), and the beers listed on old-fashioned cinema-style letter boards. I hope the wanky, millennial-suckering vibe is already riling you up.

Pride of place though is their flagship beer: the ‘Punk IPA’. Now we come to the main reason BrewDog stretches my loathing muscles. Every aspect of its brand is desperately aimed at cultivating an image of rebellious and antiestablishment bandits, leading the charge in the fabled ‘Craft Beer Revolution’. Just look at the cringe-worthy rhetoric that drips cynically from their marketing blurbs: “All we care about is brewing world class craft beer; extraordinary beers that blow people’s minds and kick start a revolution.” Ew.

Maybe this was slightly less disingenuous when they started back in 2007 as two brothers and a dog selling attractively branded homebrew out of a car boot in Scotland. Skip forward to today, and the brand couldn’t be any more mainstream. BrewDog is a constantly growing international corporation, opening new bars all the time, selling their beers in every major supermarket and charging through the teeth for pretentiously served goblets of piss.

Purists will cry: “at least they didn’t sell out to Diageo or ABInBev”, two behemoths of the drinks industry. Fair point, but the alternative is pretty dreadful: ‘Equity for punks’. An exceptionally ambitious effort to turn buying shares in a capitalist monolith into a cool, hipster activity.

This oxymoronic slogan perfectly sums up BrewDog – what sort of ‘punk’ buys shares in a business? Certainly not Sid Vicious and co., wearing bin bags and sporting homemade swastika tattoos on their foreheads. There’s no chance they’d fork out the best part of a tenner for two thirds of a pint of organic, responsibly-sourced, quadruple-hopped ale served in a brandy glass.

This marketing bullshit seeps into their kegs too. Just take a look at the names of some of their offerings: ‘Jet black heart’, ‘5 am saint’, ‘Elvis juice’ (which, I hate to say, is easily their best beer and the only characterful one), ‘Cocoa psycho’ and the laughably incongruous ‘Vagabond’, their gluten-free beer.

These names, coupled with the faux-edgy presentation, are nothing but a puerile effort to carve out a sexy and dangerous aura around the brand.

Even when it comes to the actual quality of the beer itself – surely the most important question in all of this – BrewDog is exceptionally mediocre. Practically everyone I’ve spoken to thinks that they’re over-hyped. The crucial issue links in with their branding – they’re trying too hard. BrewDog beers are simply over engineered, gratuitously hoppy and unpleasantly strong.

That’s enough about BrewDog. A far better example of an independent brewery doing something genuinely exciting is Flying Dog Brewery based in Frederick, Maryland. Back in May of this year, I was in the area and was lucky enough to go on a tour of the brewery. It turns out that George Stranahan, the brewery’s founder, was a close friend of maverick gonzo journalist, Hunter S. Thompson. The Brewery’s punchy and original style certainly reflects his influence, as well as the ‘Gonzo Imperial Porter’ produced in homage to the infamously wild writer.

The beers themselves are of a far superior quality, boasting a playful love of experimentation coupled with great taste. It would be impossible not to be impressed by the striking artwork on the bottles and cans, all produced by Thompson’s illustrative partner in crime, Ralph Steadman. His intensely unique and grotesque style lends each type of beer a distinctive character and helps achieve the image where BrewDog fails to do so.

After falling in love with Flying Dog, I brought a six pack back to the UK, imagining that I’d be hard pressed to get my hands on their beer back across the pond. So you can imagine my surprise when, like the prodigal son, I sidled back into my local Wetherspoons, and was able to sup triumphantly on a can of their ‘Raging Bitch’ – a cracking citrus IPA that doesn’t overdo the hop-factor.

You might scoff in my face. But I’m sure you’d agree that, compared to BrewDog, Wetherspoon’s is a considerably more anti-establishment and cooler place to drink.

There’s no denying that ‘Spoons’ “Pint Man-in-Chief”’ (the official title), the mullet-sporting Tim Martin, is one of the few true heroes of our generation. They couldn’t have been more antiestablishment last year, when they actively supported the Brexit vote with Leave magazines and coasters. Don’t get me wrong, I voted Remain, but that was objectively hilarious.

It might be the unique carpeting in every chain of Spoons. It could be the new app that allows you to order ten portions of garden peas and a pint of milk to your friend’s table on the other side of the country. Or maybe it’s the fact that Spoons offers a lively atmosphere, unbeatable prices, and exceptionally consistent quality. But whatever the reason is, no-one has ever had a bad time at Wetherspoons. So, grab yourself a pint of guest ale and thank god you didn’t end up at BrewDog instead.

Blame for our University’s blatant inequality should lie with the education system, not with Oxford

Rachel Collett
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Blame for our University’s blatant inequality should lie with the education system, not with Oxford

It’s safe to say I don’t exactly fit in with the majority of Oxford students as the daughter of a postman, who attended a state comp in a northern industrial town near Liverpool.

This constant imposter syndrome and feeling of exteriority is apparent every day in every sphere, as I make my way through my Oxford degree.

Cherwell’s recent report, which gave statistics proving the Union, student journalism, and politics were dominated by the privately educated, shows that my anxieties are not imagined.

There is a huge class problem at Oxford that permeates through academic work as well as extra-curricular activities, and serves to exclude working class students from every area of Oxford life.

The same structural inequalities that makes access to Oxford almost impenetrable for people of my background are apparent within the university itself, making access to the ‘Oxford life’ a myth for those of us who are not trained debaters or mini-politicians at school.

The dominance of students with privileged educational or income backgrounds in the Union or student politics reflects the opportunities presented to them through school debating societies and young parliament initiatives. Accompanied with the obvious academic privilege that comes with independent schooling, these opportunities inevitably give students from such backgrounds a privilege in all spheres of Oxford life, as well as after graduation when entering careers.

Indeed, it is too simplistic to view the issue of private schooling simply through the lens of those who had access to better teaching: it is these societies and extra-curricular activities that give the privileged a real upper hand.

From my own perspective, as Women’s Officer of Oxford Uni- versity Labour Club and someone actively involved in Oxford’s political scene, the dominance of posh, white, public schoolboys is felt in every space.

OULC actually fared better in Cherwell‘s recent report than most other societies, especially compared to OUCA (although that is hardly a surprise), yet is still ruled by men.

Despite women being admitted around one hundred years ago, the atmosphere in such arenas is as though nothing has changed – liberation groups continue to be treated as exterior, and struggle to raise their voices above the noise of those taught their opinion is most valid in this space.

The class problems at Oxford are therefore simply indicative of a wider societal problem, in which such middle-upper class students attending the best grammar and private schools are set up from a young age to be the future leaders of the country, meaning every institution, not just Oxford and Cambridge, continues to also be dominated by the privately educated.

Half of both the BBC top earners list and the number of MPs sitting in the House of Commons are from privileged educational backgrounds, a hugely disappointing number considering only seven per cent of the population attend private schools.

For example, one in ten MPs attended one single public school – Eton.

Such figures reveal undeniable disproportionate inequality in a variety of institutions.

This shows that perhaps even attending university – especially the best in the world – as a working class or state comprehensive-educated student does not necessarily give you a leg up in such occupations and in a society which still remains to be dominated by a minority elite.

Things have to change so that working class students are represented at this university.

Otherwise, Oxford is simply going to die out as an out of touch, patriarchal, and elitist institution which contributes to a system built on class, gender, and racial inequalities.

Through the work of campaigns such as Class Act and Decolonise Oxford, we can promote greater representation in these spaces, as well as support to gain the confidence and skills to stand for positions in such societies.

Of course, it is up to the University itself to accept more state comprehensive students – which is indeed increasing every year – but it must be understood that the problems which exist here for working class students is more the fault of our country’s education system, which allows for unequal educational opportunities based on monetary income and class.

While private schools still exist, and while they continue to offer the best learning as well as preparation for Oxford life compared to state comps, there will continue to be a huge disparity in the life and opportunity of students here.

Something has to change.

As You Like It review – ‘Slightly flat, with a twist of theatrical magic’

Harry Hatwell
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As You Like It review – ‘Slightly flat, with a twist of theatrical magic’

Shared Experience and Theatre by the Lake’s joint production of one of Shakespeare’s most famous comedies left me feeling slightly flat. But it did have some great moments of true theatrical magic and acting skill.

Set in the Forest of Arden, As You Like It follows the loves and dramas of a rowdy group of banished and exiled people fleeing a political tyrant.

Finding each other again in Arden, Rosalind (Jessica Hayles) and Orlando (Nathan Hamilton) fall even deeper in love but there is a problem: Rosalind must hide her identity… and so begins a love triangle of epic proportions. Both Jessica Hayles and Nathan Hamilton excelled in their respective roles, with Hayles giving a strong epilogue directly to the audience. Casting her as one of Shakespeare’s strongest female leads was a masterstroke.

Not all was well in this production’s Forest of Arden, unfortunately. Despite the programme’s promise of “the land of evocative beauty that is Arden”, what was presented to the audience was a distressed and bare-looking tree, some white boxes, a telephone box (which was most out of place), and a blank background with some lighting effects.

I did not feel at all transported to a land of love and joviality by Libby Watson’s set. It lacked innovation, or any realism. The projections of birds and animals on the backdrop were insufficient in making up for the bareness of the stage and the severe lack of greenery – some leaves on the tree would have been a welcome addition. The poor company had to climb up and down the thing while it shook from side to side.

The play was saved by director Kate Saxon’s ability to bring to life to the sheer power and beauty of Shakespeare’s narrative. As You Like It is, in essence, a light-hearted and fictitious fairy-tale of a love story: it’s set in a forest of lovers and there are multiple, direct references to the art of theatre.

Yet Saxon favours a more serious and bleak approach, particularly at the start when Orlando’s quarrelling with his brother Oliver (played well by Matthew Darcy) turns violent and causes him to be banished.

The dark lighting designs by Chris Davey, matched with Watson’s claustrophobic set made me feel I had the wrong ticket and was instead watching something markedly more gothic. Luckily, Shakespeare saved the day and all was well by the close of the curtain, but many opportunities for comedy were missed.

It is worth saying, however, that the darker tone led to some moments of sensitivity and real emotion – particularly when Hayles’s character is presented with Orlando’s blood-stained clothing. This production sees her distraught reaction represented through rhythmic dance and movement along to Richard Hammarton’s moving sound designs very effectively. Moreover, Hamilton exhibited stellar acting skills in the delivery of his lines, truly making Shakespeare’s verse and prose sound as if it were everyday English.

If you want to be transported to a faraway land of beauty and greenery, this production is possibly not for you. While I was left wanting slightly more, the final song and dance from the cast, in true Shakespearean fashion, left me feeling uplifted. It is worth a watch.

Produced by Shared Experience and Theatre by the Lake, As You Like It is touring until December 2017.

Gui Cavalcanti wins Trinity 2018 Union presidency

Cherwell News
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Gui Cavalcanti wins Trinity 2018 Union presidency

Gui Cavalcanti will become President of the Oxford Union for Trinity term 2018, following elections on Friday 24th.

Shivani Ananth was elected to become Librarian. Both positions were uncontested.

Daniel Wilkinson defeated Redha Rubaie to become Treasurer. Off-slate, Norbert Sobolak lost to Molly Greenwood for the position of in-coming Secretary.

This is the first election since Hilary Term 2016 that any officer position has been contested.

The full list of all members elected is as follows:

OFFICERS

President-Elect: Gui Cavalcanti

Librarian-Elect: Shivani Ananth

Treasurer-Elect: Daniel Wilkinson

Secretary-Elect: Molly Greenwood

STANDING

Shanuk Mediwaka – 180

Genevieve Athis McAlea – 174

Adam Watson – 170

Charles Wang – 160

Charlie Cheesman – 160

Izzy Risino – 148

Chris Garner – 114

SECRETARY’S

Musty Kamal – 153

Eric Sukumaran – 113

Cecilia Zhao – 86

Nick Brown – 85

Raphael Zyss – 80

Brendan McGrath – 76

Lucas Barnfather-Jones – 68

Abhijeet Oswal – 68

Reza Javan – 66

Rohan Radia – 64

Emma Brown – 54

 

Mansfield up in arms over ‘ostentatious’ New College building plans

Henry Straughan
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Mansfield up in arms over ‘ostentatious’ New College building plans

Mansfield students have attacked New College building plans, describing the proposed structure as an “ivory tower”.

New College reportedly intends to build a new accommodation block overlooking Mansfield. They also intend to build a tower – above the height of Carfax tower – on the corner of Saville and Mansfield road.

The accommodation block will be built just two metres from the Mansfield perimeter at the nearest point.

New plans to spend around £2.5 million on the tower, which will house an ‘Institute of Philanthropy’.

The entire project is expected to take around four years with a projected cost in the tens of millions. Mansfield are expected to put in an official planning objection.

However, it shaping up to be something of a David versus Goliath battle. Mansfield is one of Oxford’s smaller and poorer colleges, while New College is far larger and wealthier: as of June 2015, it had a financial endowment in excess of £190 million, and net assets of over £220 million. In 2016, Mansfield had an endowment over around £14 million.

Questions have been raised over the timing of planning application, which is set to be lodged in December. Students suggested that with 30 days allocated for response, any objections will be hindered by the vacation.

The plans will not go public till next Thursday. This means most Mansfield students will be leaving Oxford for vacation only days after. This is likely to inhibit what is expected to be a considerable response from the Mansfield student body.

Mansfield members have alleged that the building works will lead to significant disruption within the college. JCR president, Joe Inwood, suggested that the issue concerns “being a good neighbour”.

He noted that Mansfield has only just established a large on site community, and have recently “begun to flourish as one of Oxford’s newer, poorer, but also more representative, colleges. While their far wealthier neighbour is constructing a large disruptive development”.

The accommodation block will provide New College with 70 additional rooms. Inwood suggested that New’s decision was an “ostentatious demonstration of wealth”. He described the plans as New “spending four years on a literal ivory tower and quad to the great disruption of their poorer neighbours”.

Particular concerns were raised over the noise pollution the project will create. The groundworks, a particularly loud part of the building process, will run from Michaelmas 2018 to Trinity 2019.

The overall construction will not be finished till at least 2021 and so will affect Mansfield finalists sitting exams in 2019, 2020 and 2021. Moreover, some Mansfield students take exams in college in rooms only eight metres away from the projected construction site.

Daria Lysyakova, incoming president of Mansfield JCR, told Cherwell: “I am deeply concerned with their building works disturbing Mansfield students, particularly during exam periods. The building site will of course be disruptive on a daily basis but… perhaps the worst consequence is that it could have a serious impact on Mansfield students being able to revise for their prelims/finals in their college rooms.

“I’m further concerned with how close they have moved the school ‘assembly room’ (actually a music room) to our boundary and think that this could cause disturbance to our college long after the building works are complete.

“Their uncompromising approach to this project puts Mansfield in the very poor position, where it is clear that all of our undergraduates living on site will be strongly impacted by the building works, but we are unable to get our concerns heard or appropriately addressed by the planning committee at New.”

Mansfield students have also raised concerns about their level of privacy within college accommodation. Rooms in the planned New block will look into Mansfield’s rooms. In response to Mansfield raising this issue New College promised to take measures to obscure the view.

However, such measures will only be effective for students sitting at their desk, with New College defending the decision by claiming “people don’t tend to stand in their rooms for extended periods of time”.

New College’s Warden told Cherwell: “There has been close consultation with Mansfield College as the project has developed. Oxford building projects are always likely to inconvenience neighbours.”

“We are ready to do whatever is necessary and practical to minimise disruption. Our architects and advisors are very clear there is no issue of over-looking. The really important issue here is that by housing all our students in college we will be taking significant pressure off the Oxford housing market which benefits all students, and I hope it will be possible for people to see that big picture.”

Inwood questioned the efficacy of building a tower, a large quad, and a music hall as a way to take pressure off the Oxford housing market.

Conleth Burns, New College JCR President, told Cherwell: “The New Quad represents a unique and exciting opportunity for future New College students. The New Quad will include: one of Oxford’s first fully accessible towers… state of the art study and teaching facilities and a brand-new arts and performance space.

“I’ve been in close contact with the JCR President at Mansfield in the past few weeks seeking to understand the concerns of Mansfield students better. I will be feeding these concerns into the planning process going forward. I am confident that Mansfield College and New College can be and will be good neighbours throughout the development of the New Quad.”

Mansfield student Josh King, said: “It seems the management at New College have little consideration for the effects their actions will have on others. This new development will subject those at Mansfield and Wadham to constant noise pollution for at least four years, including throughout revision and finals.

“It is ironic that New College are building a Philanthropy tower to teach people about the rich helping the poor – when a rich college is exploiting the weakness of a poorer college.”

Race workshops exacerbate the problem they seek to eliminate

Sandra Xu
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Race workshops exacerbate the problem they seek to eliminate

Be it the Civil Rights Movement, the recent conflict in Charlottesville, or the constant protest against the lack of ethnic representation in elite universities, problems of racial inequality and misrepresentation persistently plague our daily life.

The creation of so-called ‘race workshops’ has become a somewhat popular trend in universities (and, in our case, individual colleges) for raising awareness about equality and diversity as well as promoting understanding between people of different races.

Suggestions have even been put forward to make them mandatory, so that students could learn to reflect on their own biases and talk about race in an open and informal setting. At first blush, an idea with merit, and one which we could say would necessarily lead to transparency, understanding, and tolerance. However, on closer inspection, what does the existence of such workshops truly entail?

The issue of race is a sensitive one. So prone are we to employ words and expressions that might be mistaken for discrimination and abuse that it can pervade our every thought. Students of colour are already differentiated from others in regards to their backgrounds and cultures. The mere notion of race workshops further amplifies the problem, positioning them under a magnifying glass with the following message implicitly understanding that these students are different from ‘us’.

They have a special identity that makes it necessary for ‘us’ to understand them in a particular way. That’s why ‘we’ are taking the time to talk about ‘them’. Race workshops serve more to divide than unify, presupposing the differences in identities and placing an invisible label on students of colour that would later prove hard to remove.

Preconceived prejudices will not be thrown away. Instead new ones will arise. The fact that many of the workshops are set as a part of freshers’ week timetable serves to prise students apart from each other, even before the start of the course, by reminding them that they all come from different places.

On the other hand, the creation of workshops sends an implicit message that the University administration is taking an active part in raising awareness of racial inequality. In other words, because of the existence of race workshops, less responsibility needs to be taken for the actual integration of students of colour.

Though this is certainly far from the intention of creating such workshops, it does provide an excuse for the administration to wash its hands of the issues of racial diversity. As an international student myself, I have found it far more helpful talking to access officers such as the Junior Deans or international representatives than partaking in any official inductions on racial awareness or potential bias, when it comes to the issue of cultural integration.

The latter is simply neither the correct, nor the appropriate format. The problem of racial differences is an inveterate one. Differences in culture and disparities in values acquired through the formative years of one’s lifetime will not be easily dispelled within the course of several weeks or months. Assimilation and the breaking down of cultural barriers should be a gradual process accomplished through the frequent exchange of intellectual ideas, the pursuit of similar interests and passions as well as the discussion of common dreams and aspirations, not one that could be achieved through the attendance of infrequent race workshops.

The truth is, the more emphatic people are about the issue of race, the less likely it is that students of colour are treated equally. The whole concept of ‘race’ is already overly emphasised. What we need now is a de emphasis of the issue and, in turn, a putting of everyone on the same line. A more effective alternative would be to expand the creation of societies or weekly workshops that focus on the specific cultures of a particular region, such as the origins of Hindu art.

Through the universal media of art and music, students are more likely to be genuinely interested in and appreciative of the virtues of foreign cultures, and thus cultural exchanges and the increasing of diversity will be facilitated. After all, from wherever we originally come, whatever our secret passions or deep desires, we are all bound together by the ties of humanity, which transcend issues such as race.

University is a good place to start breaking down barriers, as we explore the world and endeavour to carve out our path to the future. Every experience we live through alters our outlook on life, every person we encounter reveals to us the diversity of humanity. Racial diversity is one of the many things that shall shed infinite light on our perceptions of the world, contributing to the formation of even our most basic opinions.

Thus, a truly efficient way that would enable us to understand the depths of other cultures should be devised in the place of race workshops.

I feel no sympathy for the student suing Oxford

Jordan Bernstein
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I feel no sympathy for the student suing Oxford

I’m guessing, not at all cautiously, that I’m not the only Oxford student who feels no sympathy for Faiz Siddiqui. If you’ve never heard of him, good: it means you’re reading the right type of news (as Trumpian and distasteful as it may sound).

Siddiqui is the Oxford History graduate suing our university for £1 million. He claims that the inadequate teaching he received here meant that in 2000, as he donned his subfusc for the last time and took his place among ocks of students in Exam Schools, he could only muster an upper-second. No other grade was possible or conceivable. Try as he might, the number ‘70’ evaded his every attempt.

The ensuing series of events happened like clockwork. Instead of the highly lucrative career at the tax bar he claims to have worked hard towards his whole life, all he could muster with an upper-second was a training contract at Clifford Chance (by many accounts, one of the best law firms in the world). Note, however, that with all of the pomp and circumstance that such a case deserves, Siddiqui’s counsel Roger Mallalieu has denounced this employment history as “frankly poor”. Frankly, we should all be so lucky.

Now unemployed, like the bowler-hat-guy from Disney’s Meet the Robinsons, he has had time to reflect on who really was to blame for him not reaching the heights of a legal career. Certainly not himself, no. That’s right, Oxford.

It should be noted there are some anomalies in his case that make his argument sound less petty than it otherwise might. Though the High Court have only just begun hearing evidence, it appears that there was a tangible issue during his time at Brasenose College of absent tutors, limited resources, and my personal favourite, teaching that was “a little bit dull.” It’s also alleged that tutors failed to pass medical information onto examiners. The effects are also, allegedly and rather seriously, not limited to above-average job prospects, with Mr Siddiqui saying that the “inexplicable failure” of life with a 2.1 has exacerbated clinical depression and insomnia. Certainly no laughing matter.

But what exactly are we to make of a case like this? Well first, if there is truth to the accusations based on medical grounds, the University still has a long way to go in ensuring students are fully supported, and it’s learning all the time. Data procured under the Freedom of Information Act published in Cherwell last term showed an uptake in the number of students using the counselling service, showing, if nothing else, that there is better advertisement of the resources on offer and, perhaps, better communication with the University itself given the widespread use.

On the claim itself, many will know that even if extenuating medical circumstances are taken into account, which is rare, they will rarely result in signi cant mark increases, and even more rarely across the boundary between upper-second and first class.

And on the rest of the claim – the poor resources and dull teaching – I’m incredibly sorry for saying that the blame for a 2.1 still should not fall at the door of the University offices. We all know what we signed up for when we came to Oxford. Optional lectures, varying teachers and teaching standards across colleges, small tutorials where blagging your way through an hour means you’re screwing yourself in the long-term. If we didn’t know when we signed up, we quickly adapted.

Maybe our college library has poor resources, but we also have a Bodleian Library which by law has to be sent a copy of every book published. An Oxford student makes do with the considerable resources of a University the likes of which are an example for comparable institutions across the world. Some get a first, others aspire to one and instead get a 2.1, itself no mean feat.

But the thing about Oxford is that it prepares you for life when you leave, or if it doesn’t it certainly leaves you out in the wilderness, with nothing to expect but fundraising calls. Once you’ve got your degree and you’re training with a city law firm, you lose your right to blame Oxford for anything.

Five minutes with: Audrey, the mysterious figurehead of The Oxford Revue

Cherwell Stage
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Five minutes with: Audrey, the mysterious figurehead of The Oxford Revue

Could you tell us a bit about your involvement with Oxford arts?
Casual, passionate, bric-a-brac. I’m a bit of a best-kept-secret, really. A 1983 Cherwell article (they were still painted on papyrus then) called me ‘Uncontested Queen of the Oxford Night’, despite widespread misgivings. Any more questions?

Can you tell us a bit about The Oxford Revue?
The Oxford Revue is a group of outcast geniuses who put on silly little sketch shows and do stand-up performances in places like the Wheatsheaf Pub and my front room.

What’s your fondest memory of comedy at Oxford?
In the winter of 1988, Stewart Lee and I were on a three-day tour which ended in The Cellar. By which I mean the dusty basement near the station where we’d all come together to bash out a sketch. Quite unexpectedly, we found a weepy David Cameron muttering something about his piglet, and how all his school friends would think him an imposter. They’d dared him to piss on the train tracks, you see, but he had a phobia of trains and he begged us to help him save face. Well we thought, “why not just really push the envelope here, then?” That summer we took our show ‘Pig In The Mirror’ up to the Fringe. It was an hour of Stewart doing his David Cameron impression, snivelling about a pig that didn’t love him back, while I danced around with a gymnastics ribbon. That’s where our logo comes from. You could say it’s when the Revue went political.

Who are your comedy heroes?
Josie Jambles, Cobbie Claxon, Louie de Rampart-Chambleaux. These are all before your time of course, and they’re all dead, sadly. Lost to the 1990s, to the dancefloor; to poppers. Here’s to them, really. Oh, and my mother. Mean as a hell-cat and hit the bottle hard, but the funniest woman I’ve ever known. Still alive, still notorious, and a public figure in fact, so I’ll withhold her name for now. (I’ll give you a hint: Dench.)

What advice would you give to freshers who might want to try their hand at comedy?
Get involved! Not you – was calling out to my old friend Rebus Bunk over there. Ah, it’s not him. Just a possum. We’d love to have you too, though! So long as you’ve got moxie and verve. These can be quietly expressed (for now). We’ve got auditions on all the time – go to www.oxfordrevue.org and sign up for our newsletter. The more the merrier, I always say. That, and “I’ll share with you tonight, but next time bring your own”

Do you have any exciting events coming up?
I thought you’d never ask. Coming up we’ve got my eponymous comedy cabaret, called Audrey, upstairs at the Wheatsheaf Pub on Tuesday the 28th. £3.50 at the door – these eyelashes don’t come cheap, I’m afraid. We’ve also got extensive programming next term, and the tickets are already selling fast. Check out our social media, apparently we’re on Instagram now.

What’s an Audrey?
It’s the divine torch-song of a woman sat before you now, pet. It’s also my bi-weekly comedy cabaret, usually upstairs at the Wheatsheaf Pub, my old haunt. I host, I dance, I monologue – unless I’m held up in a brawl or a scandal, of course. In that event, one of my underlings fills in for me as host, presiding over a bill of sketch, stand-up, and musical comedy. But my presence is most always felt.

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