Wednesday 16th July 2025
Blog Page 849

‘Hotter’ at the Fringe – experimental and warm, but just short of hot

Ela Portnoy
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‘Hotter’ at the Fringe – experimental and warm, but just short of hot

Mary Higgins and Ell Potter have created a show which sprinkles sound recordings, lip-syncing, and acting into one funky soup. On a quest for interviews, they asked people from all walks of life about their fears, thoughts and stories in relation to their bodies. The result is a wonderful mix of snippets, all based around the experience of being a woman in the 21st century.

The show is creative and fresh. So-called ‘cunting’ (cunt bunting) hangs from the ceiling, featuring gorgeous mandala-like patterns of genitals that are surprisingly entrancing. Higgins and Potter (together, Hotter) don a mixture of girly textures and patterns, all vintage and hipster but with a nice touch of humour, which they take off layer by layer throughout the show.

It’s well-made. You leave the theatre with a fuzzy feeling and a smile on your face. These are undoubtedly talented actors, and they’ve put together something new and very special. The show investigates the body just as it is, in the face of common modern insecurities – it is a celebration of wobbly bits, sweat, periods, poo, pee and everything in between.

But the show felt as though it only scratches the surface of something that is important and needs to be talked about. It is undoubtedly feminist theatre, and the performers are extremely culturally aware. At one point, Higgins gives a very honest monologue in response to a woman of 97 in which she discusses the struggle that she had with sexuality as a teenager, and how she has come to terms with the fact that it’s ok to watch porn.

But this troubled me and I couldn’t put my finger on the reason. After some thought, it occurred to me that the show is very encouraging of accepting yourself and being okay with who you are. And this is important. But in a feminist show, it is strange to gloss over porn as though it weren’t problematic, as though it wasn’t linked to exploitation and sex trafficking. In general, I felt like Hotter could have done more to investigate the reason behind people’s vulnerabilities – the take away message that we shouldn’t worry about our body image is great, but the show didn’t really give an insight into why people do feel this way in the first place.

Audiences have been raving about this show. But I have seen Higgins and Potter act and direct many times in the past and have been blown away by their work before. This show didn’t blow me away, but I still left the theatre with a gentle and lovely feeling. 4 stars.

We must care about the Taylor Swift case

Naomi Packer
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We must care about the Taylor Swift case

Believe me when I say that I have protested to verbal and physical harassment. I have given men the finger, shouted at those who have screamed lurid “compliments” in passing cars, chased a man through a nightclub to ask him why he groped me as I walked to the bar. But after nearly five years of cat-calling, unsolicited touching and fear – I’ve begun to realise that sometimes it’s easier (and more importantly, safer) to instead strain neutrality, keep your head down, and continue walking.

This is why Taylor Swift’s court case is so important. Such behaviour is so common that those who fall victim to it almost forget that it’s illegal. Instead we sigh, rant to our female friends, and try to move on with our day in the wake of yet another verbal or physical altercation. The truth is that the frequency of this sort of behaviour means that to treat it with the severity it deserves each time (i.e. start a court case, or challenge every man who catcalls you) would mean that many women would spend a significant portion of their lives either shouting at their aggressors in the street, or in the midst of lengthy and expensive court trials. What Taylor Swift has done, despite her shortcomings as a feminist, reminds the world that such behaviour can and should be confronted.

When Swift counter-sued David Mueller, she wasn’t after money, she certainly didn’t need fame – she merely wanted justice. It was a clear declaration of female empowerment, suing for a symbolic $1 to emphasise that this was about principle, not economic gain. A reminder that women can, and should, stand up to harassment. Yet even Swift was aware of her own privilege in challenging the man who assaulted her. It’s all too easy to argue that women should call out behaviour like Mueller’s each time it happens. Often women can’t afford to do so, such as when the harassment comes from a boss who they can’t confront for fear of losing their income, and all too often we hear stories of women who lose their lives, or are victims of horrific attacks, merely for rejecting a man’s advances.

What’s striking about this case is how clearly it demonstrates the power of one woman challenging an ingrained patriarchy, and the actions which can stem from it. I think back to that New York magazine cover which showed the 35 alleged victims of Bill Cosby. When one woman spoke out, a domino effect ensued, where more were encouraged to come forward from the former’s bravery. The cover sparked an evocative discussion on sexual assault and the prevalence of shame.

One should be wary of claiming that celebrities have a moral obligation to use their fame for good. But it’s evident from stories like these that those with social influence have huge potential to cause positive change and empower others. When someone famous denounces or endorses certain behaviour, they either knowingly or unknowingly permeate the consciousness of those who respect and admire them. It’s why the music of Beyoncé has been influential through bringing feminism and intersectionality into the mainstream and empowering women of colour, but it’s also why Donald Trump’s comments about women are so troubling. He is a man who, speaking of assaulting women, claimed that “when you’re a star, they let you do it.”

Tear Down America’s Shame

Adam John Ellison
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Tear Down America’s Shame

In 1861, the President of the United States rallied the armies of his great Republic to crush the upstart rebellion started by the Confederate States of America. In 2017, the President of the United States showered the CSA in glory and, in taking the side of racists and Nazis, sulked as tributes to bigotry and oppression were destroyed en masse.

There are few things in this world more pathetic and less American than Confederates: a ragtag group of racists, losers, traitors, and slaveholders, confined to history by good grace and the righteous might of the American North. In 1865, Robert E Lee signed the official surrender of the armies of the Confederate States of America and brought that dark chapter of American history to a close. General Lee insisted (alongside his fellow generals Stonewall Jackson and James Longstreet) that no statutes should be raised in the honour of themselves or the “country” for which they fought. In 1866 Lee wrote that such statutes would “keep open the wounds of war” and have the effect of “continuing, if not worsening, the difficulties under which the southern people labour.”

Lee knew then, as all sensible people do now, that raising statues to a cruel and vanquished rebellion would honour no one, instead dividing and serving as a constant reminder of chaos and bloodshed.

It is odd, then, that Trump and his fellow reactionaries leap so readily to the defence of these statues. Arguing that Lee and his ilk were “fine men” and that America’s history is being eroded by the tearing down of their statues. These statutes do not just exist across the South, but Union states whose sons and daughters fought the CSA tooth and claw are now littered with similar tributes.

I’m sure it would interest these Trumpish persons to hear that these statues were mostly raised not during the 1860s but during the 1910s, 20s and 50s. Their erection was a response to the progress of the Civil Rights Movement. Not content that equality would reign, the KKK, Dixiecrats, and “State’s Rights” movements constructed eternal reminders of their “heroes”. Men who, however indirectly, fought for the enslavement of black Americans and the continuation of white supremacy. That, not southern heritage or anything else, is what these statues honour.

The CSA was created for a single reason: the eternal preservation of slavery, perhaps the most awful practice mankind has ever engaged in. They were unambiguously evil, they were traitors to the United States, they fought and killed their own countrymen in pursuit of a reactionary goal. I do not think General Lee was an evil man, I do not think all Confederates were. The institution he represents, however, and those who continue to idolise it, are a different matter entirely.

This issue is not merely a historical one but it is also political, a battle fought between two distinct sides. One bears the “shameful” and horrifying stigma of including Antifascists (both Antifa and others), Civil Rights Activists, Veterans, Democrats, racial minorities, and any other Americans with a bare shred of decency. Opposed to these troublemakers are Neo-Nazis, Neo-Confederates, White Nationalists, Reactionaries, the KKK and their pathetic imitators from degenerate corners of the internet. Make no mistake, there are certainly two sides to this fight. These people and their cause have found allies in literal, unabashed and unashamed Nazis – men who chant “Jews will not replace us” and “blood and soil” as they rally around their statues. There is no ambiguity – these are evil men with an evil cause.

And these statues cause active damage even today. Every single day, black Americans are forced to walk past statues devoted to men who would subject them to servitude and rob them of their humanity. They walk through parks dedicated to these men and study in schools named after them. Can you imagine German Jews studying in Goering College or strolling through Himmler Square? Could we fathom Singaporeans or Koreans viewing statues of Hirohito or walking their dogs in Tojo Gardens? That thought is the reality for many of America’s forty million black citizens and it is simply unacceptable.

The matter, truthfully, should no longer be an issue. The CSA was defeated: at Gettysburg, at Antietam and Corinth, at Champion Hill and Fort Hudson, their armies were routed by better men fighting for a better cause. Losers don’t get medals, they don’t get trophies and they certainly don’t get statues. These are not historical items, they are not representative of glory or heritage. These Confederate Statues are America’s shame, that they were ever raised is a tragedy and that they persist is intolerable. The time has not just come, the time has long passed: tear down these monuments to oppression, tear down these tributes to traitors, tear down America’s shame.

The Death and Rebirth of MS Paint

Chloe Dootson-Graube
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The Death and Rebirth of MS Paint

On the 24th July, with the announcement of the next Window’s 10 update, it was revealed that MS Paint, a staple of the operating system since its birth in 1985, would be among the features that had been ‘removed or deprecated in Windows 10 Fall Creators Lists.’ Essentially, this means that the feature would not be available on updated models. The death of the program enabled the rise of Paint’s successor, Paint 3D,– a program described to be similar but ‘not the same.’

Naturally, this news was met with appropriate levels of outrage. Outpourings of support for the program could be seen all across online spheres, with the publication of art created on Paint spiking on social media. Buzzwords like ‘nostalgia’ and ‘accessibility’ were thrown around across Twitter and Facebook. While Microsoft were quick to reverse their mistake, assuring people that the program would still be available in their store for download, the whole series of events leads to some very interesting questions. Does MS Paint have artistic value beyond nostalgia? Is it important for the art community beyond the cheap and easy route it provides to editing your friends heads onto various pictures of beasts and porn stars? Does the kitschy contribution it makes to my own personal Instagram feed merits its continued existence?

Some would certainly think so. The aforementioned ‘accessibility’ of MS Paint, in comparison to other digital drawing programs such as Photoshop, is glaring. Photoshop costs upwards of £50 a month for an all inclusive package and, while free trials are available – they are finite. Paint, on the other hand, is forever. When the Photoshop trials runs out, Microsoft Paint is there waiting, infinitely. With this in mind, people have been using Paint as their program of preference for years.

You could argue that the resurrection of Paint occurred far before the last few weeks. Miranda Lorikeet, for example, has been using Paint to produce eerie vistas and pastel dream-scapes, bedecked with abstract figures of women and horses. In a similar vein, the late Hal Lasko used Paint to create pointillist styled oeuvres forest scenes and landscapes. For these artists, the garish value of Paint is eclipsed by its functionality. One prevalent observation about these artists is the foreign feel of their artworks. Lorikeet’s work is full of profiles and derriere shots of women in pink and orange landscapes but seldom ever a dead-on glare or even an non-obscured face, and subsequently is constantly met with the mark of ‘outsider.’ Similar points have been made of Lasko’s work.

Admittedly, Paint draws an unlikely clientele, far removed from the rest of the art community. Lorikeet is, by day, a run of the mill HR assistant and Lasko, at the time of the production of his works, was a partially blind 97 year old. It is true that these artists are a far cry from the typical Central Saint Martins or Slade outputs. By virtue of their online medium, it is likely that they will always be somewhat underground. But does the leveling of the ‘outsider’ comment enlighten us to further divides within the art community?

Digital art often finds itself the subject of heavy criticism, rarely receiving the same accolades as that produced with traditional mediums. The rebirth of Paint has reminded all of us why the program is so important, and has helped to legitimise the work of digital art. We should not only appreciate the importance of MS paint’s second chance, but we should also celebrate its existence.

‘She was the best of people’ – in memory of Charlotte Fullerton

Polly Lamming
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‘She was the best of people’ – in memory of Charlotte Fullerton

It is impossible to try and condense a character, a life and a soul into so short a piece. It hurts to do so and it feels wrong. But there is comfort in the fact that so Lottie Fullerton touched so many of our lives, that so many do not need me to tell them about her.

For Lottie was not someone you had to know, to know. She was not one of those tricky people you had to coax out of her shell to try and understand. She was not guarded or cold. She was the exact opposite. She was a friend to everyone at college. She had time for everyone. There is no one in Jesus who does not love and respect her. There is no one in Oxford’s sports world that does not smile when they think of her. There are no medics in our year who do not sing her praises.

There is a cruelty to this terrible accident that has left so many of us numb. Lottie and I met at the age of four, and swiftly became extremely close. As a young girl, she had more personality than the rest of our primary school class put together. Cheeky, intelligent, and absolutely hilarious, she had the kind of character you couldn’t resist.

My overriding memory of our time together is laughter. The kind of laughter that leaves you winded with your stomach aching. Delicious laughter that leaves you exhausted and in need of a lie down. Every memory contains this kind of joy. Her cheeky Cheshire cat grin, that spread from her eyes, and bubbled up as a torrent of laughter.

Of those fortnightly sleepovers with hot chocolate – marshmallows on top for you, marshmallow-free for me – the dance mat, and Top of the Pops. Of watching and re-watching the Harry Potter films, always fighting over which one because I loved no.4 because of Robert Pattinson and you thought it was boring. Of our joint birthday parties – Pick Your Own fruit and taking the whole class to Thorpe Park. Of your terrible terrible singing. Of playing with your gerbils Tom and Jerry – Lottie I really hated the way they used to poo on me, and you thought it was hilarious. Of dance routines on your trampoline in Dorset, and sailing lessons that I was useless at and you helping me learn my starboard from my port.

Of summer camp in the US, that was nothing like Parent Trap, where I hated the midges, the constant singing and praising the Lord and the food, but where you threw yourself into every activity, and made a ton of friends. Of St Lucia, where we got our hair braided during a monsoon and told everyone we were sisters. Of wearing matching flowery Mini Boden tops and telling people they were from Jigsaw (still the coolest shop in Richmond).

Writing this does not feel real. These are the words that are saved for weddings and christenings, for thirtieths and fiftieths. But, darling Lottie, you have been taken away from us and we are left in awe of what you have achieved in such a short time.

It is moments like these where we all turn to different sources of comfort. For some, there is religion, for others friends, family. For me, it is a combination of them all, but most of all I am taking comfort in our memories together. Because there are so many, Lottie, and I never told you how much you mattered. How much I loved those moments with you, and how much staying up till 11pm talking on a Friday night and howling with laughter, predictably being told to be quiet and go to sleep by our mothers, forms such a large part of my early life and my adolescence.

And so I will finish with a plea. If anyone reading this has a friend whom you have known for two decades and who you don’t see as much as you would like, but who you know will always be there for you, and will always be part of your life. If there is someone, who you don’t see everyday, but when you do see it is like nothing has changed. If there is someone who, however you are feeling, will listen, will understand, and will make you forget everything and just laugh and laugh. If there is someone who radiates warmth, strength, goodness and integrity, and if there is someone you respect and cherish so highly, then please just tell them. Just once.

Because, Lottie, I never told you. I don’t even know why – I guess I don’t really gush to my friends. I am going to start doing so now. Because now you are gone and I cant drag you to Handle Bar or TSK for a catch up over a coffee or some smashed avocado. We can’t go to GBK or Byron and you can’t laugh at me for thinking courgette fries are a healthy option. I cannot thrash you at Chase the Ace and you cannot thrash me at Perudo. We cannot bounce on your trampoline until we feel light headed and sick, and we cannot go on a long walk with Sammy the dog and pretend we are in an Enid Blyton book.

You were wonderful, and you have left us in your prime. I defy anyone to show me someone who has smashed Oxford more. The majority of us like our subjects, but work to get our two essays a week in and then we can do the fun bits. You have never been that person. You love medicine, and you are the kind of student Oxford is for. You have a love, a passion, a respect and a natural aptitude for your course, that is truly inspirational, and admired by your peers here, What is more, you couple this with an impressive extra curricular calendar, blues here and half-blues there, and a ton of friends. You have never missed a Wednesday Park End. You have lived life in these beautiful spires to the full.

I am fully aware that is piece is not grammatically sound. In part, I can blame my dyslexia. In the other part, I can blame the state I am in in knowing you are gone. For this is why the tenses are scrambled. My brain can’t compute that you are gone and that I don’t get to hear you laugh again, or your loud, joyful voice. I don’t get to see you rushing around Jesus, head to toe in blues stash, smiling. Always smiling.

You are wonderful. And I will miss you. And I know what your future would have been, because it would have been the same as it has been at Oxford, at Canford, at St Catherines and at The Old Vicarage. Rich with joy, success, inspirational. Surrounded by people who love you so much Lottie. But we have been denied the pleasure of sharing these times with you. And for that, I am truly sorry, and a little bit heartbroken.

What comfort is there to be sought, other than in the coming together and sharing of memories and grief? For me, I find two key sources. The first is that I know not of a happier unit than the Fullerton family. There is so much love, generosity and strength between them, that if any family can work through these terrible times, it is Alison, Andrew and Alex. My thoughts are with them, and their extended family during this time. And the other, is that Lottie was living life to the full. She had the boy. She had the blue(s). A first was well within her reach. She was wonderful, and we all know that Dr Fullerton would have been just as wonderful too.

No one knows why these things happen. But to me, it appears that it is always the best who are taken from us prematurely. Those who give others the most, and expect nothing in return. Those who offer kindness, strength and friendship to everyone.

These are qualities that cannot be learnt, but that are inherent to a person. To a good person. To the best people.

And Charlotte Fullerton was the best of people, and will always, always, be remembered as such.

 

Jesus medic dies trekking in Nepal

Akshay Bilolikar
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Jesus medic dies trekking in Nepal

Lottie Fullerton, a fourth year medical student at Jesus College, has died after sustaining head injuries whilst trekking in Nepal.

Fullerton, who was 22, died after being hit on the head by a boulder during a descent towards Tatopani in Mustang region, Nepal, according to a local police report.

She was rushed to the district hospital in Jomson, where she was pronounced dead, according to sub-inspector Gopal Bahadur Khatri.

Tributes have been written to Fullerton, who is one of 500 people who have been killed in Nepal amidst heavy rains and landslides.

In an email sent to members of Jesus College JCR, the College said: “We know that Lottie was an extremely popular member of the JCR and will be very much missed by her peers.”

The College has offered bereavement support to all who might be affected by the news.

Friend, Polly Lamming, wrote in an obituary to be published by Cherwell: “There is no one in Jesus who does not love and respect her.  There is no one in Oxford’s sports world that does not smile when they think of her. There are no medics in our year who do not sing her praises.

“Charlotte Fullerton was the best of people, and will always, always, be remembered as such.”

A service is to be organised at Jesus College chapel in her memory.

“Oxford SU” to replace OUSU brand

Cherwell News
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“Oxford SU” to replace OUSU brand

Oxford University Student Union (OUSU) will become Oxford SU in the first major rebranding exercise of its kind since the creation of the student union in its current form in 1974.

Not to be confused with the Oxford Union debating society, OUSU has served as a forum for collaboration between JCRs and MCRs and for student activism more generally, though it has long lacked its own cafe or bar, unlike student unions at other universities its own café or bar.

Following a year of research, however, a new look and a new name for OUSU was developed in conjunction with  Spy Studio, a London-based design firm. Oxford SU, as the union will now be known, will accompany a comprehensive new website in September. A “modern, approachable brand”, finding an image “which improved [the union’s] connection with every student” was cited as the key objective of the redesign.

The student union will also move offices in time for the new academic year, moving across the street from 2 Worcester St to larger premises at 4 Worcester St.

OUSU, which last year had a student satisfaction rate of 34%, was founded in 1961 as the Oxford University Student Representative Council after University authorities attempted to ban The Isis (a sister publication of Cherwell) from publishing reviews of lectures.

As former VP Eden Bailey told Cherwell, however, much of OUSU’s work happened behind the scenes: “A huge challenge we face is that not many people realise that a number of the great things that common rooms do offer are facilitated by OUSU, from discount contraceptives to developing papers and other resources to lobby Colleges on important issues.”

A new focus on the student union’s visibility amongst students began earlier this year, with the launch of an OUSU-run club night at Plush, a new Springtide festival, and an anti-stress “Thoughtless Moments” campaign.

Introducing Oxford SU

New look, new developments, but still here for you!: ousu.org/oxfordsu/brand/ Thank you to all the students who helped us in this process. Website coming September 2017!We'd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions for our development: commsmanager@ousu.ox.ac.uk

Posted by Oxford SU on Wednesday, August 16, 2017

In a tweet, the OUSU VP for Graduates, Marianne Melsen, praised the new design.

Not all felt positively about the rebranding, however. Former President of the Oxford University Liberal Democrats and New College classicist, Harry Samuels, was concerned with the cost.

He told Cherwell: “Similar rebrands at other universities have cost tens of thousands of pounds of students’ money, with normally the same effect – a silly looking logo that weakens the organisation’s brand.

“OUSU need to explain how much this is costing, what was so bad about the previous logo that meant they had to change it, and whether it will be finally voted upon by students.”

Oxford SU will launch its new website with support resources, a clubs and societies directory, and an events calendar in September.

Oxford SU was contacted for comment.

Malala Yousafzai accepted to study at Oxford

Akshay Bilolikar
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Malala Yousafzai accepted to study at Oxford

Malala Yousafzai, the Nobel Prize winning activist who narrowly avoided death after being shot by the Pakistani Taliban, will attend Lady Margaret Hall (LMH) after meeting her AAA A-level offer today.

In a tweet, Yousafzai expressed her excitement at the prospect of coming up to Oxford, whilst wishing luck to fellow sixth formers receiving their A level results.

 

Speaking at an education conference in Birmingham, Yousafzai told the Association of School and College Leaders (ASCL) she wanted to stay focussed on her Malala Fund work.

In January, Yousafzai confirmed in an interview that she had sat an interview at LMH, which she described as “the hardest interview of my life.”

It  was later reported by The Telegraph and Cherwell in March that Malala had received an offer from the college.

In studying PPE at LMH, Yousafzai will hope to follow the path of her hero Benazir Bhutto, the former Prime Minister of Pakistan. Bhutto, who served as President of the Oxford Union, was assassinated in 2007 by Al-Qaeda.

Yousafzai has lived in Birmingham since being treated at the city’s Queen Elizabeth Hospital after surviving an assassination attempt by Taliban gunmen in 2012.

While living under Taliban rule, Yousafzai had written a blog under a pseudonym which featured her thoughts on girls’ education.

She later rose to global prominence as a campaigner for girls’ education. In 2013, she addressed the General Assembly of the United Nations, and won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2014.

In a statement, Bob Price, the Leader of Oxford City Council, welcomed Malala’s announcement. He said: “The City Council is delighted to welcome Malala Yousafzai to Oxford. It is a great privilege for the city and the University that Malala has chosen to come here and we wish her every success in her studies, and happiness during her time as one of our citizens.

“Malala’s courage and intelligence have been inspirational to many young people across the world, and her stand against intolerance, violence and prejudice has been an example for us all.”

Oxford University and Lady Margaret Hall have been contacted for comment.

So, you got into Oxford? Here’s what to expect

Rosa Thomas
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So, you got into Oxford? Here’s what to expect

After months of interviews, exams and constantly refreshing UCAS Track, you now know it for real: you got in. You’re going to Oxford, congratulations.

You might be the kind of fresher that had an Oxford University-themed mood board hanging above your bed for the past eight years, but the chances are you actually know very little about the place you’ll be calling home come October.

The truth is, most of us were so focused on getting in, we never stopped to think about what being at Oxford would really be like. So, for those of you who have woken up to the fact that you will be this year’s freshers, here’s some advice about what to expect.

Unpacking the myths

“I wonder if anybody does anything at Oxford but dream and remember, the place is so beautiful,” W. B. Yeats famously wrote. He was right: it’s often hard to tell from the way people write about Oxford whether it is university or a surreal Harry Potter-esque dreamscape, complete with gowns, croquet, and wizened old men telling you to read.

So, what is the reality behind the myths? Let’s unpack some of the biggest misconceptions about what to expect from Oxford student life.

  1. Not everyone is an elitist arse

It’s fair to say you might be feeling hesitant. Student life at Oxford is surrounded by many myths – perpetuated by debauched stories in national newspapers, questionable rumours about David Cameron, and tales from your uncle who went there in the 70s. We’re given the impression that everyone is a Hawking-esque genius who never leaves the library, or an elitist arse who looks like Sam Claflin. None of these fables are true (if someone at Oxford looked like Sam Claflin, I’d definitely know).

But all myths originate from a kernel of truth, and those about Oxford are no different. The city of dreaming spires has produced 50 Nobel prize winners, 120 Olympic medal winners, and 27 British Prime Ministers.

However, it is also true that students at Oxford get locked out of their college dorm rooms, ‘forget’ to unpack until half way through the term and spend Wednesday nights breaking out their moves on the ‘cheese floor’ at Park End. All these things are ‘Oxford’, even though they do not make it into the wider mythical portrayal of this university.

2. You can go out

Despite popular opinion, it is fake news that Oxford students do not go out. Yes, the party lifestyle may be limited by the fact that nearly everything – including McDonald’s – closes at 3am, but the creative among us still find ways to party into the early hours.

For example, most college libraries are open 24 hours, so if you want to continue the party there’s always opportunities for a late night adventure with the Dewey Decimal System. To survive an Oxford night out you must first plan your post-club food, because if you went out and didn’t get a kebab, cheesy chips, or something with humus, did you even go out? Whilst Hassan’s is the most famous of the food trucks, if you’re edgy or on the fringes, there are many other options, such as Ali’s or McCoy’s.

To truly appreciate Oxford clubbing however, it is essential to come prepared with a good music taste. Joking. More than half the clubs in Oxford have been known to play songs from High School Musical, with varying levels of irony. As with everything in Oxford, everyone has a different favourite club, even those who (questionably) prefer Fever.

Things you need to know

  1. The Oxford lingo

First, there’s the fact that everyone at Oxford speaks in code. All words can be shortened or combined, and you will soon find yourself talking about the ‘pidge’, your pigeon hole, waiting in the ‘plodge’, the porters lodge, or working in the ‘bod’, the Bodleian Library (not to be confused with a ‘bop’, a fancy-dress college party).

2. College parents

In the next few weeks, you’re going to hear from a couple of dank haired 19 or 20-year-olds purporting to be your parents. Don’t worry, these your ‘college parents’ – essentially, a couple of second-years who have been assigned to look over you for the coming year. It’s worth not taking this too seriously: some college parent-child pairings can flourish into degree-long, intimate (and at times incestuous) relationships, while others can result in a reluctant smile on Monday of freshers week and another name on your Facebook news feed. Either way, they can usually be relied on for helpful advice in the coming weeks.

3. Freshers week… what to avoid

Once you’ve impressed the cool kids by knowing the right slang, the first thing you can expect from Freshers’ Week itself is to be given, or rather be made to buy, a college freshers’ t-shirt: if you’re lucky, it won’t be in neon orange. Freshers’ Week will not only teach you how to use the libraries, it will also be your first foray into Oxford nightlife.

Freshers’ is also an opportunity to explore Oxford’s many pubs and cafes. It’s important to find both your favourite and closest cafe, not just so you can start to feel part of the fabric of the place but also because they can be a surprisingly good place to work if you want to escape the library. Befriending the owners is always a good move. The other staple of Freshers’ Week is the freshers’ fair. This will be the first test of your emotional resilience. Either come prepared to say no, or accept that you will say yes to everything out of social awkwardness, after which you will leave with a lot of plastic shot glasses, heaps of propaganda and a lifetime membership to underwater hockey.

With over 200 clubs and societies at Oxford, finding something you are interested in is a great way to make friends outside of college and ensure your life is more than just essay crises and queueing for Bridge. Although, you will be receiving emails from these societies until the day you die.

4. Your tutors

Once you’ve survived all this, your first tutorial is probably on the horizon. The relationship between a student and a tutor is a complex one.

At points, you will probably severely dislike your tutor, nearly as much as they will severely dislike you for taking them away from their research and not knowing that vital piece of legislation passed in 1689. Eventually, though, you will also come to realise that they are one of the most intelligent people you have ever met, and thus invaluable to actually passing your university exams. Every tutor is different: some will be friendly, some will be maternal, some will be aloof, and some will subscribe to the ‘tough love’ doctrine. Your first tutorial is your first opportunity to suss out what breed your tutor is and begin to plan your adaptive strategies accordingly, they won’t change, so you have to. It is also where you will get your first impression of your tutorial partner, who can either be your best friend or arch-nemesis. Choose wisely.

5. Reading lists

You might have already commenced on your eye-wateringly terrifying 32-book reading list. If it looks too long, it probably is, and even the harshest of tutors wouldn’t expect you to read more than a fraction of it, so don’t waste too many hours in your local library in the coming weeks trying to get through it. After you’re first week, you’ll soon realise these really do not matter, and any meaningful reading is done the night before your essay is due, or, more likely, five minutes before your first tutorial.

6. Cherwell

Since you’re reading this article, chances are you have a fairly good idea already what Cherwell is. We’re Oxford’s most-read, and most-respected, student newspaper, championing bold and fearless student journalism since 1920 (or something). A stack of our newspapers will be delivered to your JCR (Common Room) every week, containing all the latest news, opinion and, at times, salacious gossip for your consumption.

Unlike other student outlets, we’re fiercely independent, meaning we aren’t held back by meddling by the Iniversity. Recently, we’ve held the university to account how much it pays its staff, and revealed Exeter College’s attempts to police its students speaking about their ket use online.

Want to get involved? We’re always eager to have new writers, and if you’d like to write for us, fill out this form or drop our page a message on Facebook, and we’ll be in touch.

We also have groups for Comment Writers, Culture Contributors, News Reporters, and Life Writers. Add yourself to get involved.

Oxford – constantly changing

In my first tutorial, we were told to look back over the summer reading – most of which I had not read – on Edward Gibbon. That evening, whilst panic reading his work Memoirs of my Life, I came across the quote: “To the University of Oxford I acknowledge no obligation; and she will as cheerfully renounce me for a son, as I am willing to disclaim her for a mother.” Gibbon, a canonical historian, hated Oxford and was made to leave. Obviously, that’s a little concerning to read at the end of your first week.

But his 18th-century shade highlights that Oxford is not always a beautiful ‘opera’ where we do nothing but ‘dream and remember’. Oxford is a real place, one where for the next three years you will fail and succeed and laugh and cry. I can’t really tell anyone what to expect from Oxford.

Oxford is not an intimidating, time-warped museum piece, but is constantly changing, made different every year by the people who arrive. If I have any actual advice, it is firstly to realise that G&Ds ice cream is overrated, and secondly, not to be worried that you aren’t ‘Oxford’ enough.

In the most cliché way possible, Oxford is what you make of it.

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