Leaked: Bullingdon Club invitation letter

The letter inviting a current senior member of the Bullingdon Club was found under their bed

This week, Oxford’s new students will decide which clubs they want to be part of for their first term at the university. And for anyone interested in joining the Bullingdon Club, Oxford’s most notorious and exclusive society, Cherwell has obtained a copy of their secret letter of instruction sent out to one of a select few.

The letter, printed in full below, was found under the former bed of a now third-year senior Bullingdon member. It details the processes the applicant must undergo to be accepted into the infamous all-male club that counts David Cameron, Boris Johnson, and several monarchs among its alumni.

The letter, from two years ago, instructs the recipient to meet at the Lamb and Flag pub at 1.30pm in an all-yellow outfit, carrying a “plush squirrel toy” a “diamond”, and a “smutty or left-wing publication”.

They are then told to order five specific drinks in a row – two whiskeys, two Boilermakers and a pint of champagne, while their progress is “monitored” by unnamed members. The only other instructions given are that the invitee must learn the names of ten previous members of the club, and does not speak to any past or present members until the Lamb and Flag meeting. The missive is mysteriously signed: “The General”.

The Bullingdon Club hit the headlines in June after Cherwell obtained a video of the club’s members being kicked out of Christ Church by college porters after attempting to take their annual group photograph on the steps. They were met with jeers and protests by other students as they were marched out.

Reports last year suggested the club, with only two members left, was facing extinction, as “no one wanted to join”.

Boris Johnson, another famous ex-member, was also recently heck- led by students when returning to his old college Balliol for lunch. He was greeted by shouts of: “Do you want to smash a restaurant? Do you want to burn £50 in front of a home- less person,” which alluded to the alleged debauched acts performed by the Bullingdon Club during Johnson’s time at Oxford.

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The club, that has existed for over 200 years, have been known for their lavish spending, with club uniforms reportedly costing £3,500, and their raucous behaviour, with numerous stories of them vandalising buildings reported since their inception.

The letter in full: 

On the 29th of October, at exactly 1:30pm, you will be sat in the Lamb and Flag. You will be wearing a yellow shirt, a yellow suit, a yellow bow tie, yellow socks, and yellow shoes, holding a yellow rose in your lapel’s buttonhole. You will have on your possession a smutty or left wing publication, a fake/real diamond, and a plush squirrel toy.

Besides these you will carry nothing but your keys and passport. Upon arrival, you will order refreshments in the following sequence: a double whisky neat, a Boilermaker, a pint of champagne, a Boilermaker, and a double whiskey neat.

Your progress will be monitored and having finished we will send instructions. You must commit to memory 10 alumni of the Bullingdon Club. Do not be late. Do not overlook any instruction.

Valid we meet on the night, you are not speak to any member past or present, of the Bullingdon Club.

Yours expectingly,

The General