An inanimate carbon rod has announced its candidacy for the presidency of the National Union of Students.
The Rod appears to have been inspired to run for office after the success of another inanimate carbon rod in a recent episode of The Simpsons in which, among other achievements, the Rod beats Homer to the position of Worker of the Week.
The Rod’s online manifesto page declares “as President, I will represent all students, regardless of politics, and without sarcasm or aggression or inaccessible language and behaviour, because as an inanimate rod, I am incapable of having or displaying emotions.”
“Place your trust in Rod, and I believe, together, we can build a student movement, and a workers bomb to define a generation.”
The Carbon Rod is also running with the more radical policy of building a bomb to destroy “the parasitic classes that are destroying our society and our Student Union.”
It argues that “only through dynamic and efficient construction of this bomb can we return control of Student Unions to their students, and workplaces to their workers.”
David J Townsend, OUSU President, told Cherwell “I think I.C. Rod has a lot going for him: strong, hardy, reliable, a hero of the Space Programme and a prominent guest star on The Simpsons.
“Truth be told, I see a lot of myself in him: it’s a little known fact that I’m 18% carbon by mass. In these crazy silicon chip times, it’s nice to see a candidate that brings us back to good old fashioned carbon-based values- ROD 2013!”
He denied that the Rod’s candidacy is a criticism of student unions: “it’s a sign that students, even in the far remove of the NUS, have a sense of humour about themselves.
“Oxford is unusual in not having more jest and zest in its student union elections: at most universities you would at the very least have someone in a gorilla suit running to be president.”
However, Oxford undergraduates were more critical of the role played by the Students Union in Oxford.
Shirley Halse, a second year English student commented “the only thing they’re useful for is discounts; they’re like the union but not quite as bad.”
Raph Torrance told the paper “an inanimate carbon rod has more personality than the average NUS candidate.”
Michael Zhang, a physicist from Lincoln, expressed his support for the Rod: “I think the Carbon Rod will make a big difference, it would be a lot better than the other guys.”
