Librarian, Treasurer, President I hear you say? Well perhaps, but maybe that’s more like the threefold ministry… Who the bishop, priest and deacon are, I leave to you…
In any case, next week Oxford Union members will be graced by three speakers whose celebrity is quite possibly of divine stature. In spite of its heretical detractors, I’m afraid to say, looking through the order of service you have to hand it to the Union officers. No, I’m not reading from the Union propaganda hymn sheet. But let us reverentially put our hands together (to clutch our termcards) and give praise where praise is due – let’s look at the highlights from next week’s particularly special line up.
The Father: Harry Redknapp
Tuesday 26th January
In the Gospel of John, the prologue that precedes the narrative recounts:
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.”
And who can forget QPR’s stunning 2-1 victory over Wigan in the 2014 season. Indeed the Rangers’ souls were looking particularly dark that fateful Tuesday night following relegation at the hands of the none other than the red devils. But under the luminous paternal guidance of Redknapp, Charlie Austin scored QPR’s two goals and darkness was overcome. Indeed, Redknapp’s seemingly eternal presence in English football promises a wealth of insight and stories, though as regards English football’s future, perhaps not much hope for a second coming.
The Son: David Hasselhoff:
Monday 25th January
One issue of debate has been the impenetrable mystery of who the Son is. Who is the Hoff? Actor, singer, producer, businessman, or record reverse bungee jumper?
Indeed this walking enigma has often granted us revelation – Baywatch left little unexposed – but do we really have faith that we have seen all there is to see? Who/what is behind the masks of plastic reconstruction? Will the breadcrumbs of talent and tales of fishy experiences feed the expectations of the thousands of fans that will amass under the Union’s new queuing system?
The Spirit: Katie Hopkins
Thursday 28th January
Which spirits and in what quantities of consumption is still unknown; what we do know is that she will be speaking in opposition to the motion, ‘This House Believes Positive Discrimination is the Best Solution to an Unequal Society’. Like the omnipresent spirit, Katie’s opinions certainly have a tendency of (hop)ping around nearly everywhere – quite often with substance as immaterial as that of God’s ethereal communicator.
Nevertheless, it will be interesting to see how discriminating the crowds will be in their questions, not least because they will be speaking in a debating society where the crowds’ positivity to unpopular figures is not often equally distributed.
Looking at my antisocially empty diary I’m glad to say the quality of speakers means this does not promise to be a totally hole(y) week. Uncertain divinity aside, this certainly presents a promising resurrection for the Union after a comparatively dormant First Week.
