After 927 continuous years, The University of Oxford has announced that Trinity Term 2023 will be its last term ever. “We think it’s time,” said Vice Chancellor Irene Tracey. “It’s important to know when one has overstayed one’s welcome, and so we will be packing up this operation once and for all after the end of exams.”
Classes have been convened in the area that is now University of Oxford since around the year 1096. Over hundreds of years the University grew into one of the most prestigious on Earth. “But nothing lasts forever,” said Tracey.
According to sources, the costs of keeping Oxford running had gone well over budget. While several donors offered to bail out Oxford, the University instead has decided to sell itself to a venture capital firm that intends to liquidate the University in order to pursue more profitable, efficient education enterprises.
Oxford has confirmed, however, that several spin-off universities are in the works now. The plans for these sub-franchises will be unveiled over the next several months, but rumor has it that Magdalen College and the Blavatnik School of Government may become their own brands within the next ten years. It is yet to be seen whether any of these spin-offs will be as successful as the classic Oxford tribute University, the University Cambridge.
Messages of sadness came from all corners of the world after Oxford made the announcement, with many world leaders current and former expressing their disappointment. “We’ll be sad to see it end, best night I ever had was at Oxford” said former PM David Cameron. “I am devastated but it is difficult to remain reliable and faithful for so long and never falter,” said Bill Clinton, a one-time Rhodes Scholar. “Thems the brakes,” said Boris Johnson.
