Tuesday 19th August 2025
Blog Page 1687

Angels and Consolations

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It’s not often that you’re given the chance to conduct and direct the first public performance of a contemporary opera. So when the possibility of staging Jonathan Dove’s Seven Angels appeared, I jumped at the chance.

However, this isn’t opera as you might typically imagine. With a tiny cast of two singers (with harp accompaniment) and merely 30 minutes in length, this is an intense and intimate experience. Tracing the parallels between the lives of the Renaissance painter Piero della Francesca and Jesus Christ, the opera is divided into seven short scenes (most of which reference a particular painting by Piero of key events in Christ’s life). The scenes are comprised of a dialogue between Piero and an Angel figure (who takes an ambiguous role, encompassing the roles of muse and the Madonna). The Univ Chapel has proved a brilliant space in which to stage the opera, with the tableau ideas springing to life in this religious setting.

It is being paired with and preceded by Judith Weir’s The Consolations of Scholarship. If Seven Angels seems against the grain, then the Weir will definitely come as a shock! Although similarly concise in length, it’s entirely different in scope. Set in 13th century China, the performance includes supernatural dogs, hanging jackets, games of chess and Chinese goddesses. The multiple characters involved in the plot are all played by just one soprano, creating an entertaining (and impressive) theatrical experience

So, if you’re looking to try something different, head to the Univ Chapel. You definitely won’t regret it. 

Storming the Bastille

 

Bearing an uncanny resemblance to Nick Grimshaw, lead vocalist Dan Smith of Bastille launches the neo-synth pop quartet’s headline gig at Oxford’s Jericho Tavern with full-throttled aplomb. The thunderous piano chords of ‘Icarus’ ricochet off the walls of the intimate venue, while Smith’s bouts of frenetic drumming provide a sublime fury in an evening which sees an up-and-coming band deliver a near stadium-quality performance.
Though it’s only their second visit to Oxford, Bastille have already amassed a cult following of dedicated fans, some feat for a band yet to release their debut album. Named after Bastille Day, the day on which lead singer Dan Smith was born, Bastille has flourished from the meagre roots of a struggling south London musician, to the formation of a fully functioning band, a far cry from Dan’s musical origins of writing music in his bedroom. Regardless of their success up to this point, lead singer Dan Smith still writes and produces his own music. The creation of the band has not altered the integrity of his musical synthesis, which is mirrored in the intensity of his live performance.
Smith’s musical influences range from Bon Iver to artists like Kanye West. Whilst iTunes terms his music ‘alternative’, Smith prefers to regard his musical offering as pop music with ‘integrity and depth’, a breath of fresh air in a pop music market saturated with lyrics dealing with insalubrious issues of debauchery and clubs. Without any pretentious effort to actively create ‘independent’ music, his music seems to reject categorisation. Smith’s conscious decision to create an album with a highly varied sound – from the evasively eerie ‘Overjoyed’ to the rhythm-driven ‘Icarus’ – allows Bastille to escape a uniform tone. On being asked who the implicit second person address in his songs refers to, Dan replies coyly that ‘it could be anyone, or even myself’. This modesty can be seen in the creation of his videos, which he states he does not want to feature in. Bastille prove to be a refreshing break from musicians in pursuit of fame, letting the music purely speak for itself.
Bastille’s much anticipated debut album, which is set to be released in September, will feature a mix of sweeping epic choruses, ethereal pervasive echoes, and stripped back vocal tracks, according to Dan. Expectations are clearly high for a singer brave enough to channel an array of sound types, and who has been given the chance to record at Abbey road studios. But if September seems too far away, there will be plenty of opportunity to see them live in the upcoming months.
The experience is certainly recommended. An irresistible dynamo of energy, Smith launches himself into the crowd (admittedly given the size of the Jericho, this isn’t an ambitious endeavour) to perform an encore of ‘Flaws’. With vocals slipping somewhat in the mass of bodies (and let’s not forget, outstretched hands lead to dangerous eye-gouging territory) the rendition is nevertheless carried by Smith’s forceful presence and the band’s well executed electronic basslines. All things point to a triumphant performance by a band surely on the cusp of bigger things.

Bearing an uncanny resemblance to Nick Grimshaw, lead vocalist Dan Smith of Bastille launches the neo-synth pop quartet’s headline gig at Oxford’s Jericho Tavern with full-throttled aplomb. The thunderous piano chords of ‘Icarus’ ricochet off the walls of the intimate venue, while Smith’s bouts of frenetic drumming provide a sublime fury in an evening which sees an up-and-coming band deliver a near stadium-quality performance.

Though it’s only their second visit to Oxford, Bastille have already amassed a cult following of dedicated fans, some feat for a band yet to release their debut album. Named after Bastille Day, the day on which lead singer Dan Smith was born, Bastille has flourished from the meagre roots of a struggling south London musician, to the formation of a fully functioning band, a far cry from Dan’s musical origins of writing music in his bedroom. Regardless of their success up to this point, lead singer Dan Smith still writes and produces his own music. The creation of the band has not altered the integrity of his musical synthesis, which is mirrored in the intensity of his live performance.

Smith’s musical influences range from Bon Iver to artists like Kanye West. Whilst iTunes terms his music ‘alternative’, Smith prefers to regard his musical offering as pop music with ‘integrity and depth’, a breath of fresh air in a pop music market saturated with lyrics dealing with insalubrious issues of debauchery and clubs. Without any pretentious effort to actively create ‘independent’ music, his music seems to reject categorisation. Smith’s conscious decision to create an album with a highly varied sound – from the evasively eerie ‘Overjoyed’ to the rhythm-driven ‘Icarus’ – allows Bastille to escape a uniform tone. On being asked who the implicit second person address in his songs refers to, Dan replies coyly that ‘it could be anyone, or even myself’. This modesty can be seen in the creation of his videos, which he states he does not want to feature in. Bastille prove to be a refreshing break from musicians in pursuit of fame, letting the music purely speak for itself.

Bastille’s much anticipated debut album, which is set to be released in September, will feature a mix of sweeping epic choruses, ethereal pervasive echoes, and stripped back vocal tracks, according to Dan. Expectations are clearly high for a singer brave enough to channel an array of sound types, and who has been given the chance to record at Abbey road studios. But if September seems too far away, there will be plenty of opportunity to see them live in the upcoming months.

The experience is certainly recommended. An irresistible dynamo of energy, Smith launches himself into the crowd (admittedly given the size of the Jericho, this isn’t an ambitious endeavour) to perform an encore of ‘Flaws’. With vocals slipping somewhat in the mass of bodies (and let’s not forget, outstretched hands lead to dangerous eye-gouging territory) the rendition is nevertheless carried by Smith’s forceful presence and the band’s well executed electronic basslines. All things point to a triumphant performance by a band surely on the cusp of bigger things.

 

A Bluffer’s Guide to: Post-Dubstep

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Age? If thought dubstep was the latest thing to hit the electronic music scene you’d be surprised, post-dubstep has emerged as dubstep has split into ‘bro-step’, epitomised by Skrillex, and a slightly less well defined ‘post-dubstep’.

What does ‘post-dubstep’ actually mean? Nobody’s really sure; in fact the only thing that people can agree on is what it isn’t. It’s not dubstep, grime or house, although these all have influences in the scene.  The music is about 130 bpm and also goes by the name of ‘future garage’.

If nobody knows what it is, can it actually be a scene? While it may not be a specific genre there is close interaction between the artists and a free-flow of ideas.  Its components are nothing new: R&B-esque samples, dubstep bass, cut up vocals and a flavour of house but together they make something both new and, most important, incredibly listenable, mixing nostalgia with innovation.

This sounds confusing, just where am I meant to listen to this? Post-dubstep really does range. Artists like James Blake and Mount Kimbie can soundtrack a late-night essay crisis or intensive library revision while Joy Orbison or Pariah wouldn’t feel out of place being played at one of BabyLove’s edgier nights.

For a brief introduction to the genre, that attempts at least to encapsulate the wide range of what it offers, click here.

Dark Sky – Leave

Carnival – Carnival

Fantastic Mr. Fox – Sketches

Gil Scott-Heron & Jamie xx – NY Is Killing Me

Joy Orbison – Sicko Cell

Mount Kimbie – Maybes

Pariah – Detroit Falls

Phaeleh – Afterglow (feat. Soundmouse)

SBTRKT – Hold On

James Blake – CMYK

A Bluffer’s Guide to: Terence Rattigan

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Who now?

The quintessential establishment man, who wrote a series of plays criticising the very thing he   was  perceived as being a part of. He  was more or less forgotten until the early noughties, when everyone realised that his plays are actually really, really good.

Goodness gracious. Of what lineage?

As you might expect, Terry was an Oxford man. An alumnus of Trinity College, his Oxford dramatic career began poorly when OUDS rejected his first play as ‘crass’.  He then played a walk-on part in Romeo and Juliet, where he managed to fluff his line every night of the performance. Not the most auspicious start to a career.

Cripes. Where to from there?

The dizzying heights of Cherwell. Rattigan went on to hold the august honour of being  Cherwell Stage  Editor, where he was legendary for the scathing, bitter reviews which failed playwrights specialise in (this isn’t meta, honest).

How do I bring him up at parties?

Depends how uncomfortable the gathering is. Rattigan does a great line in repressed emotions and domestic oppression, while struggling with his own homosexuality.

Catch your interest? Rat these out:

After the Dance

The Deep Blue Sea 

The Winslow Boy

Who now?
The  quintessential establishment 
man, who wrote a series of plays 
criticising  the    very  thing  he    was  
perceived  as  being  a  part    of  .  He  was 
more or less forgotten until the early 
noughties, when everyone realised 
that his plays are actually really, really 
good.
Goodness gracious. Of what lineage?
As you might expect, Terry was an 
Oxford man.  An alumnus of Trinity 
College,  his Oxford dramatic career 
began poorly when OUDS rejected 
his first play as ‘crass’.   He then played 
a walk-on part in  Romeo and Juliet, 
where he managed to fluff his line 
every night of the performance. Not 
the most auspicious start to a career.
Cripes. Where to from there?
The dizzying heights of Cherwell.  
Rattigan went on to hold the august 
honour of being  Cherwell S t a g e  
Editor, where he was legendary for the 
scathing,  bitter  reviews    which  failed 
playwrights specialise in (this isn’t 
meta, honest).
How do I bring him up at parties?
Depends how uncomfortable the 
gathering is. Rattigan does a great line 
in repressed emotions and domestic 
oppression, while struggling with his 
own homosexuality.
Catch  your interest?  Rat these out:
 After the Dance
The Deep Blue Sea
The Winslow Boy

Preview: Anything Goes

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The American accents are patchy,  the singing is occasionally downright excruciating, and there’s an extended sequence that is almost certainly racist. This is not a perfect production.

That said, it’s probably the most fun you’re likely to have in Oxford this weekend (without going to Camera, or taking off all your clothes). If you’re the kind of humourless git who sees men in sailor suits wiggling their hips as ‘a bit out of the box’, this is unlikely to be your cup of tea. However, if you’re even remotely open to being won over by a charming (if somewhat shambolic) rendition of a highly implausible 1930s-themed musical, then prepare to be impressed.  And it’s set on a boat!

T
he American accents are 
patchy,  the singing is occasionally downright excruciating, 
and there’s an extended sequence 
that is almost certainly racist. This is 
not a perfect production. That said, 
it’s probably the most fun you’re 
likely to have in Oxford this weekend 
(without going to Camera, 
or taking off all 
your clothes). If 
you’re the kind 
of humourless 
git who sees men 
in sailor suits wiggling their hips 
as ‘a bit 
out of the box’, this is unlikely to be 
your cup of tea. However, if you’re 
even remotely open to being won 
over by a charming (if somewhat 
shambolic) rendition of a highly 
implausible 1930s-themed musical, 
then prepare to be impressed.  
And it’s set on a boat!
Staggering as this may appear to the 
uninitiated, Oxford theatre types 
have a slight tendency to take themselves rather seriously: the Pembroke musical ‘gang’ have unusually 
high levels of self-awareness, lending 
itself well to a production 
that is consciously ridiculous, almost outrageously camp, 
and one of 
the most fun 
t h i n g s 
I ’ v e 
seen in absolutely ages. 
Anything Goes would not work 
half as well were it not for the fact 
that the cast are, on balance, really 
rather good. Special mention is necessary for Elizabeth Biddle’s powerful set of lungs, impressive synchronisation from the sailors, and Nick 
Hilton, who makes a wonderfully 
convincing inebriate. Everyone is to 
be commended for giving this their 
absolute all. They sing, they dance, 
they act – it’s a riot. Choreography is 
strong, singing has gusto where it 
lacks natural talent, the captain is 
good-looking – there’s almost nothing not to like. Go, definitely. 

Staggering as this may appear to the uninitiated, Oxford theatre types have a slight tendency to take themselves rather seriously: the Pembroke musical ‘gang’ have unusually high levels of self-awareness, lending itself well to a production that is consciously ridiculous, almost outrageously camp, and one of the most fun things I’ve seen in absolutely ages.

Anything Goes would not work half as well were it not for the fact that the cast are, on balance, really rather good. Special mention is necessary for Elizabeth Biddle’s powerful set of lungs, impressive synchronisation from the sailors, and Nick Hilton, who makes a wonderfully convincing inebriate.

Everyone is to be commended for giving this their absolute all. They sing, they dance, they act – it’s a riot. Choreography is strong, singing has gusto where it lacks natural talent, the captain is good-looking – there’s almost nothing not to like. Go, definitely. 

FIVE STARS

Preview: After the Dance

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The plays of Rattigan, each one of them a masterpiece in social drama, are woefully underperformed, and this production of After the Dance means to correct that.  The play suits the cast perfectly: it is a story of hedonistic ‘bright young things’, who have failed to grow up in the world  they  live  in.    The impressive cast has little trouble pulling that off – their portrayals of the various upper-class idlers turn them into some of the most odious, dislikeable people imaginable: think something like the cast of Made in Chelsea in 1939. Such exaggerated performances do come at the small cost of a reduced sense of naturalism for some of the cast, and a few supporting performances seem more like the caricature of an archetype.

Some of the cast, however, execute their parts perfectly – Jordan Waller, playing David, is an excellent example.  The division between the lethargic older generation and the proper, younger one manifests itself as a division of class rather than of age, but still comes across well, and on occasion can be quite funny.  The production, therefore, looks on the whole to be an overwhelmingly competent one – a set of truly excellent performances which together bring a greatly emotional play to life. 

There is, however, one small aspect which struck me as a glaring flaw.  The part of Helen (Jessica Norman)is the only role for which detailed characterisation is not provided by the author – as a result, the director Becca Kinder has chosen to leave her ‘ambiguous’.  As interesting a concept as this is, on stage it never quite works.  She seems like a petulant child one moment, a caring fiancée the next, a prim housewife the moment after.  None of this is the fault of Miss Norman, who comes across as a superb actress – she just doesn’t quite seem to know what she’s meant to be doing.  As noble as such a dramatic experiment is, the play would gain volumes from one of its central female characters having a little more direction. I saw only the first of four acts, and it is quite possible that later scenes will vindicate Kinder’s choice. 

Nevertheless, this flaw isn’t quite enough to put me off wanting to see the rest of the play – at its best it will entertain spectacularly.

FOUR STARS

Review: A Doll’s House

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Though some may call me a philistine, I feel compelled to say that this play was inappropriate for the occasion, and not because it is set at Christmas time; Brasenose Arts’ Festival, a May evening (granted the elements were in opposition, for which I thoroughly laud the actors) and an outside performance, for me, do not conjure a suitable setting for an Ibsen.  An intimate theatre with proscenium arches, red velvet stalls and wall lamps, in my opinion, are the features needed to recreate the stifling, cooped-up atmosphere presented in his plays.  Whether it was an attempt at self-aggrandisement or an unawareness of what the audience wants (an absolute must when choosing a play), I don’t think it was a wise choice and further frustration was met with a lengthy third act that was nearly as long as the first two.    

But, that is not to say that I did not enjoy it.  On the contrary, I was immediately struck by the set which offered a realistic impression of a middle-class household; little details such as a pocket-watch, a hand-mirror and other such items you might come across in Priestley’s ‘An English Journey’ coloured the space for both actors and audience alike.  (I wonder how many pedants are going to attack that sentence).  Though I normally would have omitted a reference to disasters on set considering them trivial, the falling of the Christmas tree was handled superbly and very convincingly, showing a command of the stage and theatrical competence not often seen in student theatre.

Nora (Heliotis) was strong from the outset, managing her psychological changes throughout marvellously; the lost, cold stare when the anagnorisis has just hit, thoroughly haunting, was in brilliant juxtaposition to the ‘childish’ incompetence, made apparent by her patronising husband.  Whatever she was feeling, ‘wurry’ or joy, it was accentuated masterly and the tense dynamic with her husband was evident from the beginning.  I must admit, however, that I am on the fence about Torvald (Huhne); I cannot decide whether it was a superb portrayal of a mindless, retrograde traditionalist, or indeed actually a shaky, inconsistent one, drifting in and out of the action.  I got the impression of a psychopath, unable to see why he is a ‘bad’ man himself, but the occasional smile at moments clearly inappropriate to smiling (or were they, I ask myself, for they kind of worked) and emotions incongruous to the words he was saying left me baffled. 

I liked Krogstad (Cvetkovic); his costume, the embodiment of his so-called sinister mind, was almost terrifying – you got the sense that he was the bad guy and his entrances always cast a shadow on the mood.  The problem with his portrayal is an overriding one of the play; there was a general flatness to the characters, which limited the possibilities to explore the human condition.  There were plenty of emotional ups and downs, yet failure to capitalise on them resulted in an almost monotone performance from all.  Linde (Tandy) could have been stronger and more engaging with the events around her; her eyes were not concentrating and engaging, however she had stage presence and command.  Whether it was due to the cold or nerves, Rank’s (Gillow) movements were rigid, staccato and un-fluid, and often I got the impression he did not know how to stand on stage.  But he had theatrical discipline and measured timings which will only blossom with time.  Finally, the maid (Alpcan), who definitely needs to look older to fit in with the other realist elements of the play, was nonetheless a thorough picture. 

On the whole, despite directorial discontinuities (the entrance to the stage seemed to move as time went on) and the inherent difficulty of lighting in a marquee, I enjoyed the performance (that of the actors), though I would want to see more depth in their portrayals. 

THREE AND A HALF STARS

How to… have a really great one night stand

Oxford University: the embodiment of academic excellence. And, perhaps more significantly for the broke yet unashamedly talented adolescent, a respectable means of becoming more employable. The years of interview practice and personal statement drafts are now over. Your nerdy brain has somehow pulled through. You’ve become, or are in the process of becoming, a specialist in your chosen subject field. Exciting.

But, this isn’t the only education you should be pursuing. As a university student it is your right, nay, your duty, to become instructed in the world beyond that of the 9am lab or the late-night library sesh. Uni is the time to become ‘socially’ educated, away from the overbearing shadow of your parents; Uni is the time to have a really good one-night stand.

Oxford University: the embodiment of academic excellence. And, perhaps more significantly for the broke yet unashamedly talented adolescent, a respectable means of becoming more employable. The years of interview practice and personal statement drafts are now over. Your nerdy brain has somehow pulled through. You’ve become, or are in the process of becoming, a specialist in your chosen subject field. Exciting.  But, this isn’t the only education you should be pursuing. As a university student it is your right, nay, your duty, to become instructed in the world beyond that of the 9am lab or the late-night library sesh. Uni is the time to become ‘socially’ educated, away from the overbearing shadow of your parents; Uni is the time to have a really good one-night stand. 
Firstly, let us make the distinction between ‘really good’ and your average Joe, mediocre night of drunken fumbling. A ‘really good’ one night stand preferably happens whilst still in a state of relative sobriety, ideally when you have absolutely no mutual friends with your chosen partner, and is an event which leaves you in a such an elevated state of bliss that you simply don’t want it to happen again (for fear of disappointment.) If none of this sounds familiar, then it’s likely you’ve experienced a run of the mill one night stand, a journey commencing in drunken banter, travelling via an unsatisfying night of awkward ‘where…there?…no?…there?…no?…oh. Sorry’, and culminating in the morning dash for the door. Fine for some, maybe, but we want more for you, potential socialite cum sex guru, and we believe you can do better.
There are several ways to tackle this feat, firstly, to take advantage of that famed Oxford ritual – the crew date. As the main (but never overtly spoken) goal of a crew date is to fornicate with a member from the counterpart team or society, the task of finding a suitable adult male/female should not be too tiresome. Remember, since this is going to be your really good one night-stand, personality deficiencies do not count in the selection process. Neither does said person’s annoying laugh, inability to speak eloquently, or speak at all. In fact this might be a bonus.
The one-night stand is the height in superficiality; as long as your lucky chosen one is attractive, and looks physically fit (for stamina purposes), that’s all that’s required. Once you’ve found your target, and established your mutual desire for a night of unequalled passion, feel free to leave them on the dance floor, and hone in at the end of the evening. Then head to any kind of shelter conducive to the act taking place. We don’t mean literally anywhere, however. ‘A friend’ of ours decided that he couldn’t wait to lead his chosen conquest home and so decided to get down and dirty(er) at the bus stop. He refused to comment on his actions but did say he “wouldn’t recommend it” and that he’ll never be able to look the OxfordTube driver in the eye again. 
Avoid taking dodgy drunken photos at the aforementioned club, since these will rear their dirty heads on Facebook the next day, rendering your one night immortalized forever, rather than left in the proverbial gutter, as desired. Leave immediately the following morning, preferably before the other awakens. If you’re in the awful position of having to be let out of college by your partner, well, there’s really nothing we can do to help you. You should have thought about this before. In this situation (and only then), we recommend theft. Take their keys/fob and run. Pidge it back to them if you’re feeling generous, but likelihood is you won’t know their name. 
The one-night stand is a rite of passage for every university student, the really good one-night stand is more of a rarity, but something you probably should experience during your social career here at Ox. Just be sure to stick to the ‘no college’ rule, unless you plan on sharing and avoiding awkward glances at hall for the next three years of your life. 
So just to be clear, some rules for you as you embark on this journey of self-discovery:
Lights off. No exceptions.
Queefing is unacceptable. Earmark suitable fire escapes as you enter in case this were to occur.
One night stands are the time for adventure, and the perfect fertile environment to cultivate new skills. Having said that, if you’re into anything too kinky (i.e. involving small animals, or fire) you might want to run it past your partner before letting Henry Hamster out of his cage.

Firstly, let us make the distinction between ‘really good’ and your average Joe, mediocre night of drunken fumbling. A ‘really good’ one night stand preferably happens whilst still in a state of relative sobriety, ideally when you have absolutely no mutual friends with your chosen partner, and is an event which leaves you in a such an elevated state of bliss that you simply don’t want it to happen again (for fear of disappointment).

If none of this sounds familiar, then it’s likely you’ve experienced a run of the mill one night stand, a journey commencing in drunken banter, travelling via an unsatisfying night of awkward ‘where…there?…no?…there?…no?…oh. Sorry’, and culminating in the morning dash for the door. Fine for some, maybe, but we want more for you, potential socialite cum sex guru, and we believe you can do better.

There are several ways to tackle this feat, firstly, to take advantage of that famed Oxford ritual – the crew date. As the main (but never overtly spoken) goal of a crew date is to fornicate with a member from the counterpart team or society, the task of finding a suitable adult male/female should not be too tiresome. Remember, since this is going to be your really good one night-stand, personality deficiencies do not count in the selection process. Neither does said person’s annoying laugh, inability to speak eloquently, or speak at all. In fact this might be a bonus.

The one-night stand is the height in superficiality; as long as your lucky chosen one is attractive, and looks physically fit (for stamina purposes), that’s all that’s required. Once you’ve found your target, and established your mutual desire for a night of unequalled passion, feel free to leave them on the dance floor, and hone in at the end of the evening. Then head to any kind of shelter conducive to the act taking place.

We don’t mean literally anywhere, however. A ‘friend’ of ours decided that he couldn’t wait to lead his chosen conquest home and so decided to get down and dirty(er) at the bus stop. He refused to comment on his actions but did say he ‘wouldn’t recommend it’, and that he’ll never be able to look the OxfordTube driver in the eye again. 

Avoid taking dodgy drunken photos at the aforementioned club, since these will rear their dirty heads on Facebook the next day, rendering your one night immortalised forever, rather than left in the proverbial gutter, as desired.

Leave immediately the following morning, preferably before the other awakens. If you’re in the awful position of having to be let out of college by your partner, well, there’s really nothing we can do to help you. You should have thought about this before. In this situation (and only then), we recommend theft. Take their keys/fob and run. Pidge it back to them if you’re feeling generous, but likelihood is you won’t know their name. 

The one-night stand is a rite of passage for every university student. The really good one-night stand is more of a rarity, but something you probably should experience during your social career here at Ox. Just be sure to stick to the ‘no college’ rule, unless you plan on sharing and avoiding awkward glances at hall for the next three years of your life. 

So just to be clear, some rules for you as you embark on this journey of self-discovery. Lights off. No exceptions. Queefing is unacceptable. Earmark suitable fire escapes as you enter in case this were to occur. One night stands are the time for adventure, and the perfect fertile environment to cultivate new skills. Having said that, if you’re into anything too kinky (i.e. involving small animals, or fire) you might want to run it past your partner before letting Henry Hamster out of his cage.

Debate: Rain will ruin this Trinity

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Proposition:

Has the weather we’ve had so far ruined sport this Trinity? Yes, yes it has. Well, that’s certainly the case if you subscribe to the view that summer sport is synonymous with sunny afternoons spent at one with balls and a crease.

Aside from the impact of the weather on tennis and croquet, this term’s cricket has been decimated by the rain, hence why I am writing this instead of reporting on a game. At an academic institution of such high esteem as Oxford one might assume that the summer term is a time reserved for revision and exams. Not so for those that have spent the Easter vac toiling in the nets perfecting their slower ball or dreaming of a glorious half-century on a balmy Tuesday evening. Cuppers has been ruined by coin-tosses and bowl-outs. This farcical institution is a by-product of the British weather, dreamed up in a bid to be able to settle cricket matches that are tied, or have fallen victim to rain.

I haven’t played any cricket this term. Sure, the Blues have played a bit. But sport at Oxford is about so much more than the top-level representing the university. So much money is spent on the upkeep of college grounds, and yet college cricketers have as yet been unable to showcase their unquestioned ability to display their admittedly extremely average cricketing ability.

I’ve just heard the expected bad news from our groundsman that unfortunately due to the build-up of rain over the last few weeks, the mid-afternoon flashflood that turned into a short hailstorm has rendered the ground more suited to an aquaplaning contest than me trundling in and bowling some quite tame medium pace against the very best that the St Peters 2nd XI have to offer. But that’s what summer sport is all about. The rain is denying a whole host of distinctly average sportsmen their moment in the sun (literally).

It’s hardly a tragedy in the grand scheme of things. But for those of you that are holed up in the library and those that couldn’t care less, then at least enjoy the fact that it is the second year arts students with nothing much else to do that are ‘suffering’ the great injustice of seeing their sporting summer being a wash-out.

Jack McKenna

Opposition:

Let’s get the obvious arguments out of the way first. I enjoy cricket as much as the next man. As with many second-team stalwarts my game’s modelled on a slightly lessened Chris Harris, or possibly Glen Chapple without the flair. An early summer deprived of college cricket is indeed a potential nightmare, and certainly a term lessened. But a term ruined? I wouldn’t say so.

Before now I’d have thought that cricket was the alpha and omega of summer-term sporting hijinks. If nothing else, a few weeks as Cherwell Sports Editor during this rain-clogged Trinity has taught me that there’s a multitude of sport that endures while the clouds open. Rugby’s commonly perceived to stop after Cuppers final, but there’s been as much played so far as there was with last term’s freeze-offs. With three well-contested tournaments at Iffley in as many weekends, there’s been plenty for sportsmen (and women, mixed touch sevens was a comprehensive success) to be happy about.

That’s not all, either. Mixed hockey cuppers has been picking up steam, with a bit more attention and commitment than last year, and this weekend looks set to provide a festival of hockey, regardless of the weather. With the semi-finals on Saturday and the final on Sunday, anyone with a yen to watch some sport should head down to Iffley this weekend.

It’s impossible to entirely escape cricket though. Much as all the above is true, I can’t wait to get back out there. So the best I can say is to drag out that old saw about absence and the heart growing fonder and hope that in a week or so the sun’s going to come out alongside my batting form. Trinity term is far from ruined, but even putting sport aside for a moment I’d be the last to hope the weather continues. It’d mar those post-finals weeks for one thing, when all the third years want to do is sip Pimms, punt and play croquet (the Trinity triple-whammy of clichés, each one of them conformed to).

So Trinity hasn’t been ruined. There’s plenty else to do, and it might mean we’ll enjoy the cricket and the sun all the more when they arrive. But it had better be a matter of when, not if, and it had better be soon. Otherwise, it’s just not cricket.

James Nottage

Don’t look back in anger, or indeed at all

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At the end of every season, everyone tries to find meaning in their own team’s performance over the nine months. Did we fulfil expectations? How will we look back on this season in ten years’ time?

Listening on Sunday evening to BBC 5Live’s football phone-in, the home of knee-jerk reactions and misinformed opinions, one of the many morons to phone in argued that Alex Ferguson’s time was up. The loss of the title supposedly pointed to the fact that he was no longer an adequate manager for Manchester United. Now aside from the fact that it’s a stupid opinion to hold, we can probably assume that if Sergio Aguero hadn’t have scored his winner for Manchester City on Sunday in stoppage time to clinch the title, the caller wouldn’t have come to that conclusion. United would have won the league out of nowhere and Ferguson would have been lauded as having masterminded yet another triumph.

This exposes the absurdity of trying to conclude anything from success or failure of a season when the margins are so thin. One goal separated Manchester United from a ‘disappointing season’ and a 20th league title. One goal separated Spurs from their highest finish ever and ‘an underwhelming campaign’. One Jonathan Walters goal separated Bolton from different divisions. These different conclusions about how well your team has performed are false – there is nothing you can conclude about the quality of your team’s season right now that you couldn’t conclude prior to this last weekend’s final set of fixtures. QPR were still a very poor side for most of the campaign. Manchester City still had very poor patches throughout. Arsenal still have deep-seated problems. The respective success of all three is due to the very fine margins in sport.

It’s easy to be revisionist when watching sport. We are constantly driven to hyperbole concerning the current game or season we are watching, as we are wrapped up in the drama and narratives of the present day. Indeed, the 2011/2012 season was voted the best of the 20 seasons of the Premier League we have had. It is true that Sunday was an exceptional end to a season by most standards – the title race of 1998/1999 is perhaps the only campaign that could rival this season’s in terms of length and quality of race.

98/99 was the season United won the treble – for which most people simply remember the late Sheringham-Solskjaer show in the Champions League final – but the battle United fought to be crowned domestic champions was exceptional. It was the famous United team of Cole, Yorke, Beckham, Keane, Scholes, Giggs et al, against an Arsenal side which managed to combine their famous British defence of the 90s (Winterburn, Adams, Dixon), just at their final peak, and the devastating European frontline of Bergkamp, Anelka and Overmars. The season was the culmination of what was one of the best Wenger-Ferguson narratives of the last fifteen years, epitomised not actually in a league game but in that year’s FA Cup SemiFinal replay. That Giggs goal settled one of the greatest English matches of all time at Villa Park of all places, back when the FA Cup used to be romantic.

Few also remember that the 98/99 title race was indeed a three horse race – the Chelsea side of Leboeuf, Desailly, Di Matteo and Zola were top at Christmas and lost only three times all season, let down by too many draws, finishing four points off the top on the final day.

What did perhaps set this current year’s title race apart was quite how many times each side threw it away. United had won the title when Mikel Arteta scored against City six weeks ago. Then City had won the title when Yaya Toure scored his second against Newcastle. United had won the title when Jamie Mackie headed in for QPR on Sunday. Then City had won it when Aguero wheeled away. Margins are too fine to make conclusions if this had/hadn’t have happened, things would have been differently. But when there are so many turning points in fifteen minutes of one match, let alone 38 games of each team’s season, one is tempted just to sit back, forget meaning, and watch Gary Neville go crazy