Tuesday, May 6, 2025
Blog Page 187

Oxford to continue Ukraine Scholarship with funding from XTX Markets

Bintia Dennog
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Oxford to continue Ukraine Scholarship with funding from XTX Markets

Oxford’s Graduate Scholarship Programme for Ukrainians has been extended for another year and will be jointly funded with the trading firm XTX Markets, who are contributing £602,550 from their Academic Sanctuaries Fund. The scholarship will fund up to 18 graduates in the next academic year. 

Successful applicants will have the entirety of their course fees covered and will receive a £10,000 grant for living expenses. Alongside that, colleges will also provide free meals and accommodation. 

The scholarship is aimed at well-qualified Ukrainian graduates who were badly affected by the ongoing war – students displaced from neighbouring countries as a result of the war may be considered too. 

Oxford initially announced the scholarship last May following the Russian invasion, continuing a long-established tradition of commitment to supporting refugees. For 2022/23, the programme was co-funded by the university and the participating colleges. Since then, 26 graduates have received the scholarship and been welcomed into Oxford.

Professor Lionel Tarassenko, President of Reuben College, devised this scholarship and said: “Like everyone else, I was horrified when the conflict started in late February, and immediately began to think about how best to help the people of Ukraine. Having been an academic in the University for the past 34 years, I had no doubt that Oxford could play its part in supporting students fleeing from the conflict. 

He continued: “The funding from XTX Markets is the first step towards making the scheme sustainable, at a time when all universities are facing serious financial challenges.” 

Simon Coyle, the Head of Philanthropy at XTX Markets, said: “XTX Markets is delighted to be funding the University of Oxford to expand its Graduate Scholarships for Ukraine, supporting people displaced by the war in Ukraine. 

“We are encouraged that this programme will focus on supporting students who can help Ukraine build back better, in this case by providing one-year master’s courses in areas that are crucial to reconstruction, including energy systems, medicine and science.”

Myroslava Hartmond, the programme coordinator, said: “Seeing the programme come to life has been emotional for me. I was born in Ukraine and first came to Oxford in 1995, when I was just five years old to join my academic father Andrij Halushka at Worcester College (one of the first Ukrainians to study and teach in the UK). 

“When I arrived, I didn’t speak any English and missed my mother every single day, but the opportunities that waited for me in the UK made it all worthwhile. Today, my mother Natasha is here with me, and we are proud to be a part of a visible Ukrainian community. As our scholars adjust to the demands of an Oxford degree, it feels deeply rewarding to see them thrive, not just as individuals, but as a community.”

Staff left with “no choice” as 18 day strike planned for February

Alexandra Hedström-Blake
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Staff left with “no choice” as 18 day strike planned for February

Oxford University staff are set to go on strike for 18 days between the months of February and March in a move organised by the University and College Union (UCU). In a decision announced by the UCU earlier this week, they will be among 70,000 others at 150 universities nation-wide to take industrial action in response to concerns over pay, working conditions, and pensions. 

Aiming to have a greater impact than the three days of UCU strikes last November, the Union’s upcoming walkout marks “an unprecedented programme of escalating strike action” causing widespread disruption.  

While precise dates are yet to be confirmed, UCU members taking part will include lecturers, tutors, researchers, and other staff – some 11% of the professional body of the university. Their demands come in the light of what the UCU general secretary Jo Grady termed “over a decade of falling pay, rampant insecure employment practices and devastating pension cuts”, as well as the increasing pressures of the current cost of living crisis. 

As a result of this, the union has called for widespread reform. In a statement issued by the organisation, disruption may be mitigated if the “vast wealth of the sector” was redistributed by university vice-chancellors – something Oxford’s newly appointed Vice Chancellor Irene Tracey touched upon in her admission ceremony earlier last week. 

Describing staff as “the lifeblood of any university”, Tracey announced plans to commission a new, independent review of pay, pensions and working conditions in order to “support staff during these difficult financial times and to be an attractive place to work in the future”. 

Despite this, a UCU representative told Cherwell: “we expect the University to attempt to downplay our industrial action and are extremely grateful for the support and solidarity we have received from students during this dispute, particularly during November’s action.”

In a statement to Cherwell on staff pensions and pay, David Chivall (Vice President of the Oxford branch of the UCU) asked the University to “stick to the commitment that it made in 2018 to ‘seek to provide pension provision for USS members employed by the University that is of the same standard as currently available.’

He told Cherwell:  Last year, the University failed to support a UCU proposal which would have prevented the employer body Universities UK forcing through an unnecessary and unjustified ~35% cut to our guaranteed future retirement income. USS has always been a healthy scheme and even its own flawed valuation methods show that the scheme is very much in surplus: there is no reason not to restore our pensions.

“On pay, we’re disappointed that the University continues to hide behind the employer’s body, UCEA. The cost of living crisis is now so acute that individual departments are having to make their own adjustments, such as giving staff a lunch allowance. We welcome the comments of the new Vice-Chancellor during her Admission Ceremony to ‘shift the needle in your quality of life so that you can continue to deliver your best performance.’ We urge the University to publicly call for UCEA to make a pay offer that that will shift the needle in our quality of life in the right direction. A below inflation pay uplift can only make things worse.”

The 4-5% pay rise offered by the University and Colleges Employers Association (UCEA) on Wednesday 11th was just that, and has consequently been slammed by the UCU as “not enough”. Given its position at 9% below the current Retail Price Index (RPI), Chivall criticised the UCEA for “effectively asking HE professionals to work an entire month without pay this year compared to last. This comes on top of a decade of pay cuts which mean staff are effectively working unpaid for three months a year compared to 10 years ago.”

In the light of previous criticisms that “real change” had been moving at a “glacial pace”, the UCU’s Jo Grady has stated that the “clock is now ticking for the sector to produce a deal or be hit with widespread disruption throughout spring”. 

While the Oxford branch of the UCU has expressed regret at the extent of the industrial action members of the union felt compelled to take, it believes they were left with “no choice”. “We have been forced to announce further strike days because of the failure of employers to engage seriously with the damage caused in recent years”.

For some Oxford students this would mean losses yet greater than the predicted 41% cut in contact hours unlikely to be rescheduled this February and March.  

Among the near 2.5 million other students across the country to be affected by staff strikes for the second time since November, students at the University of Oxford have expressed frustration at the ongoing situation and their position as “collateral damage” in the disputes. 

For those with upcoming Moderations or Final Exams, the consequences of the lack of teaching are likely to be particularly severe. In conversation with Cherwell, one student expressed concern that the university was not doing enough to mitigate the impact of the strikes on students in the form of hourly compensation.

When approached for comment, the university told Cherwell: “We note the recent announcement from UCU on further strike action in February and March. We await formal notification from UCU of their intentions, and will update staff and students once we have the details.”

Oxford Blues have grey day against England Under-20s

Tom Farmer
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Oxford Blues have grey day against England Under-20s

After the sacking of England rugby men’s coach Eddie Jones, the men’s rugby Blues were the first team to face an England side under the leadership of new Director of Rugby Steve Borthwick. Fresh from their tour of South Africa, as well as strong results against invitational sides like Major Stanley’s XV, how would the hosts fare against a team consisting of England’s brightest prospects? 

In short, they wouldn’t fare particularly well. Despite the England side having a winger shown a yellow for a challenge in the air after just three minutes, the Blues couldn’t exploit their advantage and went down 7-0 after a grubber kick was unsuccessfully dealt with. A few minutes later, a scuffed clearance from Oxford fly-half Harry Bridgewater was punished with maximum efficiency by the English youngsters, taking the score to 14-0. As the first half drew on, the England Under-20s dominated set pieces and were remarkably solid in defence, limiting the Uni side’s attacking threat considerably. 

The second half began with utter dominance from the England Under-20s, but was met with solid Blues resistance. Big hits from prop Michael Fankah, as well as the discipline led by captain and Harlequins pro Tom Osborne, saw the Blues grow into the game slightly. However, after 18 minutes, the first points of the half were scored when the English youth side were rewarded for their dominance- realistically ending Oxford’s chance of getting a result. England added a further two tries, ending the game with a fantastic example of expansive attacking rugby. 

In some ways, a 33-0 defeat to the England Under-20s is to be expected. When looking at the former England Under-20 internationals, from World Player of the Year Maro Itoje to current captain Owen Farrell, it is no mean feat to get a result against the youth side. Yet, although facing a solid and well-drilled defence, the Blues will be thoroughly disappointed not to get any points on the board. The Blues’ backline too often looked flustered under the pressure from England, limiting opportunities to create attacking opportunities. 

Having said that, despite the result, there were a number of positives in the day. After selling over 2,000 tickets, the East and West stands were both full, as well as a thick crowd standing pitchside. If there was any doubt that students were becoming apathetic towards university-wide sports teams, this would dispel that. With cheap beer and cheap food also on offer, popping down to Iffley Road to back the Blues was a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon. Regardless of the result. 

Image: Tom Farmer

Glass Onion Review: Those ‘Knives’ Need Sharpening

Beatrice Ricketts
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Glass Onion Review: Those ‘Knives’ Need Sharpening

Beware, contains spoilers!

“Well, here’s another clue for you all:

The walrus was Paul.”

So jeers John Lennon in The Beatles’s “Glass Onion”, a song plied with red herrings to laugh at those who read far too much into the band’s lyrics. 

Rian Johnson’s Glass Onion, which was released on Netflix in December, the sequel to the well-regarded (thoughperhaps too much so) 2019 Knives Out, refuses successful detective work by the spectator. With twists, turns, and flashbacks, the viewer is never given the opportunity to believe that they could work out the mystery. 

Miles Bron (Edward Norton) is a Zuckerberg-Musk-esque tech billionaire who invites a star-studded group of old friends to his private island for a murder mystery game, where he will be play-murdered. But, surprise! In the first (and most obvious) of the film’s promised twists, the game is quickly cut off and a real murder occurs instead. In fact, there are several, including one before the time of the film starts. 

And who is there to solve the case? Daniel Craig’s drawling southern Benoît Blanc, of course. With the help of a handy ‘twin’ device (played by Janelle Monáe), we find out through the course of the film the motives of each character on the island, and finally who is the murderer, in a lengthy final scene culminating in the Mona Lisa burning to ashes. Gone is the eerie and autumnal Art Deco of the first film, and instead is stifling heat and swimming pools. 

Johnson’s plot borrows heavily from—if not pillages—Agatha Christie. The concept of a cast of eccentric characters stuck together on an island is not new (see And Then There Were None, 1939), nor is the opening declaration of a death before it has happened (see A Murder is Announced, 1950). Glass Onion is rife with intrigue and clever ideas, yet, if we were to raise Christie up from the dead to give Johnson a few pointers, I think she would advise the following: 

Firstly, spend more time with each character individually. 

Caricaturing Elon Musk, Norton’s Miles Bron turns out simply bland in comparison. His group of friends is not much more compelling. Despite a clever, and quite literally ‘on the nose,’ scene in which the politics of each of the characters is demonstrated by their mask-wearing style (the film is set in May 2020), the men’s rights activist (Dave Bautista), scientist (Leslie Odom Jr.), and corrupt politician (Kathryn Hahn) do not develop much further from their introduction. Their possible motives are identical and vague: save their own career by backing the rich guy, and not the truth. An oddly-integrated mix, the friendship of the self-described ‘Disruptors’ is hard to believe, and the dynamics appear much weaker than the intriguingly dysfunctional family of the first Knives Out. The film mocks its characters, but we have no reason to care. 

Secondly, allow the viewer to believe they can guess the culprit (even if they will inevitably be wrong.)

Johnson seems to laugh at the watcher. A third of the way in, he pulls us back: none of what you just saw was the whole truth. An element of the viewer’s trust is lost as previous scenes are peeled back to reveal missed dialogue. The basis of the ‘murder mystery’ genre is eclipsed by clever scene cutting and a self-referential script which claps itself on the back (“Stop these malapropisms!” Blanc reflects on Bron’s previous lines.) Anything from this point on could still be a lie, for all we know. 

Finally… the twist is based around a twin, really?

The film is certainly entertaining and flashy enough to fill its 139 minutes, yet for all its cleverness, perhaps it needs to go back to Agatha Christie a bit. 

Linacre College proposes new charitable governance statutes in light of Thao dispute

Rufus Hall
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Linacre College proposes new charitable governance statutes in light of Thao dispute

Linacre College has proposed changes to its governance statutes which would see the creation of a Board of Trustees with duties including the management of charitable donations. The board would be comprised of up to seven members of the Governing Body, a junior research fellow, the President of the common room and up to three independent trustees “currently unconnected to the College (but who may include emeriti, alumni or those with professional expertise relevant to the business of the College)”.

Linacre College website states that “The Trustee Board has responsibility for ensuring the College is properly run and fit for purpose.” Other new statutes should regulate the ‘Powers of the College’, ‘Application of Income and Assets’, ‘Conflicts of Interest and Loyalty’ and ‘Meetings and Decisions of the Governing Body’.  

 The current statutes were created in 1986 and are “out of date”, according to an announcement in the Oxford Gazette. The new statues have been updated to “to enable the College to meet the high governance standards expected of a major modern educational charity”, a website announcement reads. 

These changes come after the college signed a Memorandum of Understanding on the 31st of October 2021 with SOVICO Group represented by its chairwoman Madam Nguyen Thi Phuong Thao to receive a donation of £155 million. The donation has proved controversial with Oxford University Campaign for Climate Justice, who criticised SOVICO’s association with the Russian oil company Zarubezhneft. As part of the Memorandum with Linacre, Madam Thao has committed the SOVICO Group to carbon net zero by 2050. SOVICO’s other commercial involvements include offshore oil and gas exploration, as well as Vietjet Air, Vietnam’s first privately-owned airline.

The deal has courted further controversy relating to the college’s application to the Privy Council to change its name to ‘Thao College’. Head of Alumni Relations and Development at Linacre Lisa Smårs acknowledged that she had received emails expressing “sadness, or even anger” when the proposed name change was announced in 2021. Writing on the college website, Smårs said that “however important our name is to us, I believe that the values we represent are of far greater importance”, citing other colleges that had been renamed following donations.

Concerns were raised by Julian Lewis MP that Thao was “extremely close to the Vietnamese Communist Government” during a debate on the Higher Education (Freedom of Speech) Bill in the Commons. On 13th June 2022, then Education minister Michelle Donelan announced she was ‘actively investigating’ the deal between Linacre College and SOVICO, but Donelan has since resigned.

Of the total £155 million donation to the college from SOVICO, £40 million has been earmarked for the college endowment fund. Under the new governance statutes, investments, including parts of the endowment, could be managed externally by  ‘a financial expert’, according to a draft of the new statute book, available on Linacre College Website.

‘Not my King’: charges dropped against Oxford activist who spoke against monarchy

Olivia Boyle
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‘Not my King’: charges dropped against Oxford activist who spoke against monarchy

After shouting “who elected him?” during King Charles’s proclamation ceremony through Oxford, activist Symon Hill was arrested for a public order offence. Cherwell can reveal that the charges made against the alleged anti-monarchist have now been dropped. 

The ceremony that took place at Carfax Tower in September was part of the standard procedure for the assumption of a new monarch. Though, with the death of the country’s longest reigning monarch and for most of the population, the only monarch they’ve known, this was no ordinary proclamation ceremony. Hill told the BBC that he “remained quiet” in the moments that warranted respect for the late Queen. The activist spoke up when King Charles III was declared the new monarch, who is, as Hill commented, “a head of state being imposed on us without our consent”. His protestation, “who elected him?”, resulted in being arrested, a journey in a police van, and four months of legal proceedings. 

The Crown Prosecution Service has now decided to “discontinue the matter” of the charges against Hill just three weeks before the court hearing was expected to take place. This is a success for the wider civil liberty campaign though it is shadowed by the surprising suppression of many individual protests against the monarchy across the UK. The activist stated in an article for Bright Green that the police had become “defensive and refused to talk” when he “expressed a mild criticism of the royal procession”. The police reaction to Hill’s small-scale protest raises further questions of the relationship between state and monarchy, not to mention the notion of a society that welcomes multiple points of view.

The Oxford protest was not singular. There has been a host of republican protests across the country since September, including the billboard campaign ‘#NotMyKing’. The campaign was inspired by a lone protester in London holding a piece of A3 paper of the same phrase; video footage shows she was promptly confronted by at least three police officers. Though, with the tension surrounding Prince Andrew, and more recently, the Royal Family infighting, it is not surprising that the King would feel threatened by growing public discontent. Nevertheless, anti-monarchist troops were rallied and protests against the non-democratic assumption of a new monarch are expected to reach their peak at the coronation on 6 May 2023. 

The nation has an apparently expanding distaste for the monarchy. Though Oxford has its share of republican action, the monarchy remains a strong presence with the King as Visitor at three University colleges. For now, Britain remains hooked on its monarchic tradition.

I tried out college football last term, you should too

Zoe Abereoje
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I tried out college football last term, you should too

If you haven’t tried a college sport, have you really gone to Oxford? Well yes, last year’s academic stress and fatigue was enough to say been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Yet people commonly say that getting involved with college sports is the gateway to a good college experience. Like the nosey person I am, I had to see if it was true, and tried out college sports. More specifically, football last term. A term later, I would now say, it’s at least worth a try.

Maybe it’s best to give a little context. There’s not a sporty bone in my body. I watch lots, (some say too much) safe in the knowledge that I can’t catch a ball (or a break) or hit a beach ball with a mattress sized racquet, but I never was too keen on taking part. I peaked in Year 4 with my Essex County sliver in 600m and I hung up the boots then. Since then I’ve been savvy to avoid PE, with conveniently timed music lessons and so on. So back when I was a wide-eyed naive little fresher, you can only imagine my total joy and elation at hearing from almost anybody I spoke to, encouraging me to get involved with college sports. Curious by the high number and various types of people suggesting I do, I took the laborious first step of searching for and joining my college football group on facebook and never took it further than there. Maybe the occasional like of a post letting me know when the training was or telling myself that this term I was going to get involved. 

Spoiler alert: I never did. But it’s not just my chronic laziness that prevented me from doing so. The more of first year that passed along, the more and more negative things I started to hear about college sports. Specifically the side that wasn’t to do with actual sport-ing. The crew dates that went too far, the socials that seemed terrifying. If my lack of sports acquiescence gave me cold feet, the social aspect of it had me turned off.

But when I found myself wheezing a bit too much after walking up one of the numerous flights of college stairs, I decided enough was enough. It was time for me to become a (barely) sporty person. Netball required too much coordination and rugby straight up terrified me, so off to football I went.

And after a term of going, I can say I was definitely not the best at it. But I definitely did try. What I really enjoyed (and did not expect to happen) was meeting the people like me who were also trying something new, and were okay with getting things wrong. The first time I showed up to any practice I was dragging my feet, but once I had gone to one session I started really enjoying it. By the end of term, I was genuinely looking forward to playing. I can’t speak for all colleges or all sports, but I can vouch for my college: it really is worth trying out. All the girls I played with were really nice and supportive, not like the netball girlies (omg netball girlies please don’t take me seriously). This seems to be a general trend from people I spoke to outside of colleges too, not just mine. Even if you are terrible, you can still have a great time taking part. I’ve concluded that horrible people don’t get involved in college sports. 

While the social element seemed a bit intimidating given that it’s not really my scene, it shouldn’t put you off playing. They aren’t going to bind you by your arms and legs and drag you to Jamal’s. If you’re not an extrovert or you don’t really go out much, maybe you might know the names of the people you play with a bit better if you do go out. But from my term I would say that I still enjoyed myself playing, despite the fact that the day I’m sighted at a crew date is the day Phil Mitchell grows some luscious locks. 

That being said, in the interest of being fair here are some of the genuine negatives. 

It really isn’t easy to be good, especially at football. I want to believe that one day I’ll play and my skill will spontaneously appear. But no. Sometimes the ball goes really far away and I internally scream “oh naur!” because I know I have to run after it. Despite all of this, running is still one of the top ten worst things you could put a human through in my personal opinion. Not to mention the awful soreness that comes from my rusty bones after running about for a bit. 

But if anything, I hope that I showed it is, believe it or not, worth it. I’ll go again this term with the hope that the pain of exercise can distract me from the miserable months of hillary. But in all seriousness, if you were on the fence, or have been considering it and thought it was too late to try, it really is never too late and it is always worth it to try a college sport. You don’t have to do football, most colleges do rugby and frisbee- last year I went to watch ice hockey cuppers. And after discovering the university has a team for the totally made-up sport “Eton Fives”, anything is possible. it’s worth having a look at what else you could try.

As for me, provided I don’t score an own goal next term, I’ll consider myself proud! As someone who avoided sports in first year like the plague and still gets the shivers when someone says the word PE, trust me, anyone can try.

The Brookes Side

Michael Pista
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The Brookes Side

Michael Pista examines the differences between Oxford University and Oxford Brookes…

Living in the student city of Oxford is such a unique experience. In a place holding two large universities, chaos and activity is expected. However, the life of a Brookes student – campus, home, social – is slightly different to the life of an Oxford University student. Although we share a similar environment, your culture and our daily lives differ.

In relation to our schedules and how we spend our time on campus, I suspect it’s unlike that of an Oxford University student. At Brookes, our courses are typically taught in lectures, then solidified in seminars. Our lectures are usually two hours long and used for introducing, explaining and exploring new content. This is done in large groups with minimal participation. Most of the time, seminars come right after lectures, and they last for about an hour. Here we are in smaller groups discussing the content learned, exploring it further, and clarifying things where needed. This is an opportunity for us to dig deeper and interact with the content, as well as with each other. This structure works well and manages to effectively teach difficult topics and concepts. 

On a normal week, we can expect four days on campus, with a lecture and seminar on each day. Occasionally, as a part of certain courses, workshops require attendance. This would usually be an opportunity to work on more practical skills. For example, a ‘communication skills for lawyers’ workshop is required as part of the Law LLB course, where practical court etiquette is taught. As Brookes students, we are fortunate enough to have a dedicated bus route with Oxford Buses (U5). This service is free to all Brookes undergraduates, and is a lifesaver all year round in terms of saving time and money. 

While on campus, there is also plenty to do. One of our greatest features is access to modern sporting facilities such as pitches, courts and gyms. These facilities are available to Brookes students at all times, for free or for just a small fee. Going to the gym on campus can save almost £15 every month when compared to other memberships in the area.

Term-time home life has proved to be a positive experience for Brookes students as well. We have a selection of university and private company accommodations available to us. Typically they are in the areas of Headington and Cowley, as these are close to the campus. Luckily,most of the student accommodation also falls on our free bus route, resulting in incredibly convenient, free travel to campus or town. Furthermore, Oxford Brookes provides affordable houses for students in the same areas. The prices are fair and facilities are of high quality- no complaints.

One thing we may have in common is that after hard work comes a hard party. Oxford is one of the best student cities in the UK, and caters to us in endless ways. The diversity of food and drinks, and entertainment is one of the best things about it. Our favourite restaurants include European cuisine such as ‘Moya’ just by St Clements,or Nepalese cuisine such as ‘Yeti’ in Cowley. For some well-priced and deserved drinks, the ‘Swan and Castle’ is a regular, in addition to smaller and cosier pubs such as the ‘Corner House’ in Headington. When on a bigger mission, and celebrating hard, visits to clubs such as ‘Atik’ and ‘The Bridge’  are a must. These are amazing nightclubs right in the heart of Oxford, that are loved by us all. When the party’s over, making use of the parks and greenery around Oxford is essential. Among our favourites definitely has to be ‘South Park’, or the ‘Shotover Country Park’. These make for great walks and talks, and are definitely popular among the Brookes students living in the surrounding areas. As well as this, we all make sure to make use of the brilliant museums such as the ‘Ashmolean’, and other attractions such as the ‘Botanical Gardens’, which are all free to us students. Not to forget, visiting the ‘New Theatre’ and catching a show has also proved to have been fantastic. A breathtaking tribute to ‘Pink Floyd’ was on just before the new year, and it was the best £30 spent!

Living in Oxford as a Brookes student is very pleasant and (most of the time) trouble-free. The city is incredibly well adapted for all the students that live there, and our universities act as great support.

Despite holding two large, very different universities, everything is in order. While our learning environment and methods may perhaps differ, I suspect our social lives are very similar. After all, every student is always on a hunt for a bargain and fun university memories.

Crap start to term: Hazmats remove waste from Univ as students face fine

Cecilia Catmur
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Crap start to term: Hazmats remove waste from Univ as students face fine

University College’s messy discovery earlier this week sparked what has since been coined the ‘Oxshit’ scandal. 

College residents awoke to discover that a student had defecated in a ground floor bathroom in the Durham Building II, which houses first-years. Univ told Cherwell: “On 16 January it was reported that a shower in a student accommodation block had human faeces spread across the seating, walls and the flooring of the shower. On further investigation it became clear that the shower had been used as a lavatory.”

An email sent by college soon after the incident’s discovery threatened residents of the building with, “a £1000 fine to get an external cleaning company in” if the culprit themselves, or the residents collectively, did not clean up the mess before the end of the day. Univ further told Cherwell: “As a result of this incident the College has closed the shower block until a professional cleansing company equipped to deal with such biohazards is able to clean and disinfect the area concerned.”

Since the original email, the figure of £1000 may alter, depending on the actual costs. A statement the College made to Cherwell made it clear that: “The costs associated with this sort of cleaning, in the absence of any student owning up to the incident, will be shared among residents in the normal way.” 

University College’s original request was that the building’s occupants cleaned up the mess themselves. The College left gloves and cleaning products in the bathroom for this, and withdrew scouting from the building. 

However, this request was not fulfilled. Instead, Univ students have reported to Cherwell that they saw two people in Hazmat suits entering the affected block on January 17th. 

When asked to comment on the JCR reaction and plans, the JCR President, Shermar Pryce, told Cherwell: “It is our hope that the college administration will consider the potential impact on students who were not involved in the incident before rendering any decision. From my interactions with the relevant staff at Univ, it is clear they are also cognizant of the potential injustice of such a fine and are sympathetic to the students’ predicament. 

“While I am unable to comment on the specifics of a hypothetical response from the JCR in the event of the imposition of monetary fines, I can assure you that we stand in solidarity with the affected students, particularly in light of the ongoing cost of living crisis.” 

The reaction to this incident has sparked a feeling of disgust among both students and staff. 

The email the students received the following day described such behaviour as “repulsive” going “beyond any bounds of what could be considered reasonable.” 

Pryce told Cherwell: “the reaction of the student population at Univ to the recent incident in the accommodation bathroom has been one of disgust, dismay, and disbelief.”

When asked how they aim to address the incident from the wellbeing perspective of the student involved Univ told Cherwell:

“The College prides itself on being a community and a family. The behaviour of the student involved in this incident has fallen well below the standard we should be able to expect of a member of our community and we hope for better in the future.”

A further email from Univ shows that the Domestic Bursary still intends to process the fines, but acknowledged “I understand that this news may evoke feelings of consternation and disappointment among you.”

No Sex in the City

Anonymous
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No Sex in the City

Once upon a time a young woman came to study amongst the idyllic spires of Oxford. She dreamed of being ‘Crazy in Love’ as she strolled hand-in-hand across the cobblestones, having ‘Sex on Fire’ beside a bookcase in the corner of the Old Bod, and of a handsome PPEist proclaiming his love to her by means of a placard and a stereo in the middle of Broad Street. 

Instead, she soon discovered that she was not Crazy in Love, but rather driven crazy by her weekly essay; having sex that was far more forgettable than explosive. She was often found standing in the middle of Broad Street having yet another existential crisis, fuelled by her dwindling academic prospects and her romantic disillusionment that now involved ‘she’s as well as ‘he’s. 

As I performed my umpteenth walk of shame down Broad Street at the end of last term, clenching my best Ann Summers lace bra under my arm, I couldn’t help but wonder, is romance dead? And if so, who killed it? Or had I just been brainwashed by a childhood of Richard Curtis films into thinking that there ever was such a thing? Welcome to ‘No Sex in the City’, a hopeless (and single) romantic’s attempt to put words to the often gruelling, but exhilarating, struggles of dating at Oxford University. 

I recently read about a virgin in her late twenties who found the ‘love of her life’ through writing a sex and relationships column. And so, here goes… What’s the worst that can happen? I find people throwing stones at my window overwhelmed by a desire to have me as their regular booty call? Or my innocent friends banging on my door to burn me at the stake after I expose all of their worst sexual escapades? 

There are over 25,000 students at Oxford University. I only need one. And I’m not picky, but you better be good looking, funny and about 500 other things (I can send the list to any potential prospects). From incestuous college flings, uncontrollable horniness around housemates, to passing a one night stand on the tescalator, Oxford certainly throws up its challenges. But has romance become too much to expect? If you search for ‘love’ on SOLO, you’ll find over 9 million results…so we certainly have enough reading on the topic. 

Watching  some of my friends’ beautiful and mature  relationships certainly helps to expel any cynicism I might have and so, I’m optimistic. Single life is the most practical option for many students ; some of us are simply trying to make it out the other side of this place with a degree in hand. I’ve tried that approach – telling myself I’m far too busy and important to be obsessing over my love life, but then I find myself coming to the same realisation as Bridget Jones, “that unless something changes soon [I’m] going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine”. At least in my case, I’ve had three major relationships: with a bottle of wine, gin, and tequila. 

According to a Student Room survey, 35% of Oxford graduates found their true love at uni and they fared as most likely to marry their university love at 79%. I’m not setting out to be part of that statistic but I’d certainly like to rack up a few romantic anecdotes that don’t start with something like “that time in the Bridge toilets”. 

I’ve asked friends who are familiar with the show, which ‘Sex and the City’ character I most resemble, and I’m chuffed when I’m told that, of course, I’m Carrie. For those of you who don’t know, that means I’m a successful columnist living in New York who is funny, sexy, insightful and incredibly attractive (okay, you got me, I don’t possess all of her qualities). She’s the natural leader of the iconic friendship group, strong willed and ever optimistic about finding true love. But I also recognise that I share the qualities I’d rather ignore: she’s self-absorbed, has a problem with boundaries, and let’s face it, spent 6 seasons, 2 films and a reboot completely obsessed with love, sex and men. 

It’s no secret that many of the tropes of the show are outdated and controversial, and in ways, have instilled many negative ideas about relationships and beauty standards in me, personally. The show is the inspiration behind this column but its similarities end here because unlike Carrie, it’s not going to take me a decade of writing it to find ‘the one’ (it better not because a graduate writing for Cherwell is just too pathetic). 

The Cherwell Sex Survey last year found that you’re most likely to find someone to bring home in Plush and offering advice on finding sexual partners, a respondent said that “Piers Gav helps”. I’ve frequented Plush more regularly and filled out a membership form for Piers Gav, but to no avail. So it’s time for some new advice.

Because I’m a finalist and obviously have little work to do, I’ll be devoting this term to an experiment in Oxford dating. The number of Tinder dates I’ve had rivals the number of lectures I’ve attended since coming to Oxford and Cupid’s arrow over here at Cherpse has always missed the target. But I’m not giving up on love and in the name of my non-existent Cherwell readership, I’ll leave no stone unturned. I’ll be sharing my own experiences as well as the anecdotes of others, in an effort to shed light on what sex and dating is really like at Oxford. But I’d also love to hear from you! Your stories, suggestions and questions (maybe scrap that one because who am I to be answering them) and if you so wish, date offers. 

XO

Dolores Grey
Email [email protected] to get in touch.

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