Friday 4th July 2025
Blog Page 217

Films to romanticise Oxford

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Many of us came into the new academic year with bright eyes, excited to once again meet our friends, partake in fun adventures and relish in everything Oxford had to offer us. For freshers especially, we could not stop ourselves from snapping photos of the campus, the Rad Cam (inside and out), the quads, the chapels, and everything in between. But now, we are well into the term. The once beautiful chapel is now an irritating source of incessant bells, that distract us every time we start an essay. “I can’t believe we get to stay in this old-timey quad!” has now been replaced with “I can’t believe we have to stay in this old, broken down building.”

The romance, the twinkle in our eyes, is gone. Corrupted and destroyed by looming deadlines, complicated relationships and that one committee member from your society that will not pull his weight. Maybe it’s time to take a step back, pop on a film, and fall in love with Oxford once again. Here is my list of films to help romanticise it all: 

  1. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Yes, this was an obvious entry. More known for being in the site of these films than our academic achievements, many Oxfordians have resorted to pretending they are going to a Defense Against The Dark Arts class, not another boring lecture. However, let me make a case for The Goblet of Fire as the film that stirs up the most Oxford romanticism. This is the first Harry Potter film with actual romance: Ron and Hermione, Harry and Cho, dancing at the ball. Single or attached, enjoy that first hint of young romance and dream of being ‘Oxloved’ because of your cute outfit. The film also has a character embodying everyone you meet here in Oxford. The BNOCs in Cedric Diggory, the hidden beauties (with scholar’s gowns?) in Hermione, the helplessly romantically inept in Harry and Ron, the kind tutors in Hagrid, the not-so-nice ones in Alastor Moody… or maybe even Voldemort. 

So if you don’t have time for a Harry Potter marathon, watch The Goblet of Fire and pretend that your next problem sheet is a task from the Triwizard tournament.

  1. Dead Poets Society

Dark academia and Oxford are forever intertwined, and no movie celebrates the pursuit of knowledge and the joy of learning more than Dead Poets Society. It captures what learning should be like, the exuberance we should have when tackling our reading lists, allowing us to dream that one day our tutor would be exciting as Mr Keating. More importantly, for those worried about firsts, internships, applications, CVs, and other academic stress, it is a helpful reminder that there is more to life. 

“If you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? – Carpe – hear it? – Carpe, Carpe Diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.”

What small thing can you do today to make your life extraordinary?

  1. Before Sunrise

Much of the beauty of Oxford lies in the people you meet here. The conversations on the quad, or the dining hall, spiral into the most exciting conversations; whether it be existential philosophical questions about life or about what happened on the night of the bop. 

Before Sunrise takes you on a journey of two lovers walking and talking about nothing and everything as they walk the streets of Vienna for a night. The next time you are walking back from a kebab van or Atik at 2am with a friend, imagine you are the main character in this film. With the beauty of Oxford as a background, discover the inner beauty of the people around you. 

  1. X-men: First Class

Okay, a slightly unconventional pick and a very “bro-y” one. But let me justify myself. Firstly, Charles Xavier hits on a woman in a pub that is supposedly set below the Bridge of Sighs, while Mystique disapprovingly looks on. Yes, the pub does not exist. But how cool is that?

Besides that little cameo, this film is another way to embrace the differently talented and equally weird people you meet here. You swear some of them are mutants (how does he club till 3 and then hit the library?). Plus, if you read into this superhero movie deeper, the message for accepting oneself and working together to pull on others’ strengths is an important one to combat the crippling imposter syndrome many of us feel. 

  1. Election

You know those people… the ones who run for these ultra-prestigious roles and will do anything to get it? If you don’t, count yourself lucky. For those who do, take comfort in this film about a high school election gone wrong, with backstabbing, hijinks, and scandals. Of course, this comes perfectly paired with Legally Blonde, with Reese Witherspoon starring in both. If you want to laugh at the hacks after feeling empowered by Elle Woods, put on Election!

  1. Oxford Blues

Harvard gets The Social Network, an expertly crafted, David Fincher-directed, Aaron Sorkin-written, Oscar-winning film. We get Rob Lowe in a teenage rom-com about a red-blooded American boy who falls in love with a picture of an Oxford girl and cons his way into Oxford to meet her. There is rowing, ceilidh, formals, and everything else quintessentially Oxford. Is it the perfect film? No, it borders on “So bad it’s good”. But if you want to turn your mind off and watch a stupid film about stereotypically Oxford Oxford-ing from the most American lens possible, then who knows, maybe you will find yourself cheering the blues on the epic rowing finale (yes you read that right).

Films, and art in general, hold a unique ability to capture beauty, allowing us to see the grandest settings or the most every day places with awe and wonder. Oxford is a beautiful, radiant city. When the stress gets too overwhelming and things are not going the way you want them to, remember to take a deep breath, soak in the sights and let the beauty around you push you forward. If you need a little boost to channel that “main character energy”, turn to these films and pretend (just for a while) that you’re an X-man, a Dead Poets Society member, or a Gryffindor.

A Clockwork Orange: “Kubrick’s masterclass of surrealism, disillusion and delinquency”

CW: Sexual violence

When we think of Stanley Kubrick, the first thing that comes to mind is a thought-provoking and experimental filmmaker and director, that was behind some of the most influential movies of the 60s, 70s and 80s. One of his most controversial and scabrous films is A Clockwork Orange, an ideological adaptation of the 1962 novel of the same name by Anthony Burgess about sadistic gangs living in a dystopian future filled with grotesque sins.

A Clockwork Orange was an absolute wonder when it hit theatres, bringing something completely new in a film industry that was slowly moving away from violent approaches such as this one. Coming just after Kubrick’s cinematographic masterpiece 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), the movie represented the entire surrealistic vision of Stanley Kubrick, marking this as his most experimental and outrageous creation yet. Although some of his subsequent works made use of some of the techniques and moments from this movie, it remains the one where Kubrick portrayed some of his most striking elements : violence, misogyny, rage, and of course his soft spot for nudity. The film did not hold back from anything, and the incredibly disturbing scenes of rape led to the withdrawal and ban of the movie in the UK, surprisingly at Kubrick’s demand. Stanley Kubrick was also associated with several real-life crimes that were supposedly inspired by the motives and ideas of the film’s main characters.

Apart from the whole brutality of it, the movie itself remains extremely influential and somewhat relevant to this day. It follows Alex, the young leader of the gang, ingeniously played by Malcolm McDowell (who was surprisingly not nominated for an Oscar that year and did the “Kubrick Stare” perfectly), who pushes the other members into acts of severe human deviance. But in the process of it he is caught by the authorities and becomes the subject of a new futuristic conduct-aversion clinical experiment, which reveals itself to actually be a method of torture. This is what makes the movie an instant classic and where the genius mind of Kubrick shines. Leaving aside the very dark and vulgar satire that is the first act, the second act portrays some form of dealing with societal issues. This highlights deeper meanings and ideas, which set it far away from the plain violent start-to-finish movies of the time. 

The accent falls on the sick mind of our main character, Alex, a boy full of obscene thoughts, desperate to set himself apart by acting in the most unhinged ways possible. However, this mind is then subjected to very harsh and most certainly inhumane torture, in order to remove the sinful side of it and leave behind a “normal” individual. But here is where some questions intervene, especially regarding what is left of Alex. Are we still alive if we cannot manifest our own feelings? Is it still a working mind, one that was emptied of personality and filled with neutrality? The experiment represents a test to our moral and psychological ideas, serving as a challenge to the viewers, who, in the end, feel bad for Alex, despite his mad actions in the first half. This represents the brilliance of Kubrick, in the way he ironizes the ultra-violence, only to leave a mark in your mind with the last scenes of the movie. 

A Clockwork Orange remains an absolute classic to this day, with many potent ideas and meanings. It represents the best of Stanley Kubrick’s vision and surrealism, and marks itself as completely unique. These types of movies represented a mental workout for the viewer, a way to leave the cinema bamboozled and desperately craving for a rewatch. Many 70s directors focused on making surrealistic films (Andrei Tarkovsky with Solaris and Stalker, Alejandro Jodorowsky with The Holy Mountain and The Mole), some of which stood the test of time excellently. But now films similar to this have come to an almost complete extinction, so a breath of fresh air in this industry would be very well received. 

Image credit: Rick Harris / CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

Feline good: Names announced for St John’s kittens

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St John’s College has announced the winning names from their competition to decide what the college’s new kittens will be called. 

The three kittens have been named Laud, after William Laud, a controversial Archbishop of Canterbury who was president of the College between 1611 and 1621, later being beheaded by Charles I’s Parliament; Baylie, after Richard Baylie, who was twice president, as well as twice Vice-Chancellor of the University over the 17th century; and Case, after John Case, a former scholar at St John’s who was sent down after becoming entangled with a local widow.

They were welcomed to the President’s Lodgings by St John’s President Dame Sue Black. 

“Christmas has come early” purred the college twitter page.

Members of College were asked to submit name ideas for the newest arrival, which were then decided on by the college community. 

The three kittens are all boys which led some ideas to be discounted. 

Twitter users were delighted to see the announcement, with some declaring “wow” and “adorable”.

The kittens will now grow up on the College site and become prominent members of the St John’s College community, in the mould of other college cats like Simpkin IV of Hertford, and Walter of Exeter.

Image credit: St John’s Twitter

Seasonal Depression: otherwise known as the Michaelmas Blues

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Content Warning: Seasonal Depression

As Michaelmas draws to a close and the festive season is nearly upon us, the student body finds itself in the awkward interim period of the latter half of term, the Vac still just out of reach. The late November rot has begun to set in, and with it comes the dreaded, but for some unavoidable, seasonal depression. Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, is a type of depression that waxes and wanes according to seasonal pattern. Whilst somewhat self-explanatory, it tends to manifest more severely in the winter months, as a result of a lack of sunlight exposure, but this is not to say that summer doesn’t bring its own forms of SAD.

The sheer powerlessness to cope with life, let alone the workload, makes university a uniquely miserable place for those suffering with SAD. The passage of time that seems to be set at 1.5x speed only ever accelerates, making missing a day both a shock to the system and to the books. A day missed begins to snowball, and for those fighting off the natural inclination to go into literal hibernation, there is no easy way out. For those struggling to conceptualise, a student when asked to describe their experience with seasonal depression this term, coined it ‘a perpetual 5th week blues’.

While obviously not everyone is affected by this, most people will experience some form of seasonal related blues within their lifetime and some useful things to look out for in yourself and others would be a loss of interest in hobbies, apathy towards daily activities, a low mood, heightened lethargy, or difficulty with concentration or socialisation. 

Emerging from the library bleary eyed and under the cover of darkness is objectively depressing – a lack of sunlight has been directly linked to a lower production of serotonin, known to cause symptoms of depression. Two million people per year in the UK struggle with SAD, and one in six, according to the NHS, struggle with depression. Rates of depression have been notably higher post-pandemic, and the academic environment of any university, but particularly this one, is a minefield of imposter syndrome, depression, and stress-induced anxiety. To add SAD to the mix can be incredibly debilitating for some and it is important to acknowledge and raise awareness about an issue that could be affecting people around you this time of year.

Michaelmas term for students, but particularly Freshers, is the time to socialise and put yourself out there, but for those suffering from SAD or SAD-like symptoms, socialising may be physically and mentally impossible. This only exacerbates the feelings of guilt that come with the overwhelming pressure to make friends in one’s first term at uni. The idea that these are supposed to be the best years of your life is somewhat incompatible when trying to balance academics and the lack of serotonin coursing through your body. For many, the oblivion of sleep calls and this is completely normal, given the disruption of the circadian rhythm during the winter months, as well as the surges of melatonin as a result of fewer daylight hours.

This time of year can be difficult for some, and while this is not a new discovery, it is more important now than ever to look after yourselves and look out for your friends, whether that be attending College Welfare events, talking to someone close or a GP, and even just taking a stroll through Christchurch Meadows. As we approach the end of term, check up on your tute partners, friends, and loved ones, and remember that better (and sunnier) times are ahead, and Christmas is just around the corner.

Image Credit: Mikhail Nilov via Pexels.

Diary of a temporary typhus patient

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Typhus isn’t your usual student gig.

The strenuous cycle up Morrell Avenue is likely unfamiliar to most; the slog past South Park and suburbia marks a strange transition out of the urban Oxford. The road leads past the Warneford and Churchill hospitals, a knotty complex seemingly designed by Daedalus, and eventually to Shotover Hill (Supergrass: 1999), petering out into leafy countryside. I’m not thinking about the scenery as I pound the Peugeot’s pedals (it’ll be up for sale come June, dear reader). Instead I am focused on what I am about to give. Today, I’ll offer up 96ml of blood, 5ml of saliva and 2 pots of virginal stool. In return? A cup of bicarbonate solution and an oral dose of Paratyphus; then rent for Hilary and most of Trinity; my wallet may appear bursting, but it is all loyalty cards, bus tickets and Clubcard vouchers. 

Settling into the hill, I remember making this same journey in my first Trinity. Feeling blue, and only narrowly in the black, I took part in a study on the effect of electrical stimulation on decision-making in adults with low moods – some sadist’s doctoral project I suppose. Twice I pedalled up there and twice they strapped a car battery (I think?) to a quasi-gimp mask on my head, buzzed me for a bit, measured something and looked at their results. Which were? A Guinea pig with goo in his hair and a feeling akin to stinging nettles on his scalp, with a brief abatement of his blues. 

To me, this, and my participation in what follows, were rational decisions. However, I can be a little self-destructive…

But enough of the amuse bouche! (or tête)

The entreé! Typhus!

Unheard-of in Oxford for more than a century, and now some of us are silly enough to bring it back. Why? Well, other regions of the globe have not enjoyed the improvements in sanitation that have overcome the natural rot of undergraduate boys in college accommodation here. In those areas, typhus spreads, and can be fatal in half of cases without a course of doxycycline or a similar antibiotic. I will likely be the best looked-after Typhus patient in history, which makes me feel perversely fortunate. 

My role in this noble quest? The brave Sir Lancelot, or, well, more of a Lab Rat. 

Screened and preened, over-and-over, I’ve cycled up the hill to be checked, vaccinated (or given a placebo), monitored and ‘challenged’, observed and eventually I will be cleared.

The highlights of this experience included an ultrasound for kidney stones, fainting, and, my favourite, guessing-my-temperature-before-one-of-the-nurses-can-check-the-thermometer-under-my-tongue. My strained, mumbled, ‘36.4’ might be met by a ‘36.8’, close enough for my pride, but scientifically imprecise. 

It was all reassuringly exact: when did my poo pass? ‘Around ten, or umm, quarter past?’ wouldn’t do. Decimal places and 20-point mood tests tracked me – the specimen – yet the team were tight lipped about the nature of my possible infection. While specifics were fine for blood pressure, my queries of chances, risks and likelihoods were rebuffed or deflected. Wikipedia might have propped me up until now but the literature on Salmonella Paratyphi A was indecipherable and of no help. Perhaps the enteric delirium set in prematurely? Before the big day? Surely not. 

I fasted the requisite 90 minutes and then my Birthday beanie and tattered Reeboks came on. Once more, my manganese steed hit the road. Down the High Street, over Magdalen bridge and up to the dreaded hill. 

Wednesday 26th. An exquisite podcast soundtracked my odyssey, and my bike’s lower cog got some rare usage tackling the monster hill, and dodging the sirens, as the sun sparkled my rods-and-cones beaming off the slick surface. 

Bludgeoned with an array of tests and questions for every fluid and facet, a slight reprieve allowed me to make a dent in some essays on Blade Runner. That’s one worth a revisit. 

Am I a replicant, to be decommissioned by this pox?

It’s probably just a lucrative role in Big Pharma’s global scheme. Certainly my girlfriend was unsure on the ethics, but after my Typhus treat and another 90 minutes of fasting I was ravenous and met her at the Saïd Business School for a lunch subsidised by I-don’t-want-to-know what. The pork was great value at £5.65, with taste superlative yet secondary: I hadn’t earned my money yet. 

Seven 9AM hospital visits followed, each incorporating the fearful Tour d’Oxford. I expect I am somewhat fitter now. 

Generally, those days rushed and blurred into one, as sweat was exchanged for blood (and poo). I could never bring myself to watch the puncture, that ‘sharp scratch’ that meted out my reimbursement. 

Come deadline day, I really couldn’t wrangle my head around evaluating customer centricity. Shortly after the tutorial, I knew why. I was ill. 

Properly rotten. Gram-negative bacteria filled me up, so Dr Robert said. 

Cue a too handsy examination, with nodes all over my body in the sights, as well as the usual battering battery of tests. Then a maudlin hour or so on the bus home, miring in St Clements’ traffic. In my pocket, the cure! 

Ciprofloxacin, twice daily and never near milk (I have yet to understand why.)

Bizarrely, a lethal sore throat cropped up, late on Day 9, after I had been out in the Chilterns rallying all evening and more alarmingly, it appeared my COVID-19 test from Doomsday (Day 7) had not made it to the lab at all. Surely I did not have you-know-what. 

Anti-climatically but reassuringly, I was better by Monday morning, Day 12 – my first day without an early start for some time. A few more doses of antibiotics and I was done, for now. Then came Day 14, the culmination of my bacterial challenge. Over the fortnight I had given nearly a litre of blood, plenty of my time and my health. Fair swap? 

I ruminated this over a little breakfast at La Croissanterie, by the traffic lights at the end of Headington – it’s my favourite place in Oxford so now I’ve told you where it is, please don’t go. 

Back to the point. 

Would I do it again? 

Well I can’t, for a year, doctors’ orders, and by then I’ll be a stiff in a suit who has to be in the office at 9AM, so I would never be able to make all the appointments. But you can, so – consider it – I fully recommend the great, gross, silly, sick adventure.  

Image Credit: Karolina Grabowska via Pexels.

Oxford, it’s World Cup time!

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The World Cup is here. The quadrennial celebration of the beautiful game has arrived. The only time the armchair football coach, his protege, ‘knee injury prevented me going pro’ son and other clueless ones find themselves glued to the screen. The flags are up everywhere, and the official World Cup song has made itself an unwelcome visitor on my “for you page”. So, for the casual fan who wants a bit of a clue as to what is going on, or the not so casual one who has stumbled across my section and still wants to keep reading, welcome to my all-inclusive World Cup info guide for the oxford student.

Should I watch the World Cup?
Well I mean it’s already started, you’re late to the party. Still, as an economist I raise you: if watching the games provides you equal or greater enjoyment than doing your reading or problem sheet you should do it. It’s basically the end of term, your time to try and be a good student is over, join the rest of us on the dark side.

Where do I watch games?

For the naturalised fan, who makes live football a staple of their weekend this really isn’t a consideration, but for those among us who aren’t used to watching live games, do not fret, you have endless options:

Your JCR/college bar:

A lot of people don’t have TVs in their room, conveniently a lot of JCRs do. Not to mention the comfy couches that they all have. Shout to Wadham’s JCR, I wish we could be like you. Most colleges have the big games on in their bars or JCR, providing you with the means of watching the game as well as the convenience of only providing you the games that are interesting fixtures. If you happen to be living under a rock and you didn’t realise this, get yourself down there now! Mind you, if you are a social hermit, this is unfortunately not the place for you. Don’t go and be that person pulling faces when the more passionate fans among us start to get a little vocal mid-game. You’re meant to enjoy it, if you do, you’re on the first step to geezerhood.

O’Neil’s, Chequers and all other sports bars and pubs:

Pros: This is the proper true Brexit geezer experience. If you thought your college was lively, this is a different gravy. Yes, the volume will be cranked up to 100, but good luck trying to hear the person next to you. You will however, have a nice pint in the vicinity and have plenty of level 100 geezers going on about the game to help pick up the important stuff.

Cons: This is the true Brexit geezer experience. You will not find me anywhere near here unless I’m behind the bar therefore getting paid to be there.

In your room with your friends, watching the game on your laptops:

A humbling experience. Once the game goes one, the laptop will spontaneously warn you that it’s about to die, and the game will start to lag and buffer like you’ve never seen before, but at least you can complain in company. However, there are times when you are burdened with the curse of having friends who hate football. Don’t give up, you can still get them to watch. Pulling this off does take a bit of expertise. Ideally, get them in the room unsuspectingly, then stand in the doorway with the laptop preventing them from leaving, making sure to put it on before they have a chance to say no. I can verify this method works, it is how I got my staircase to watch certain AFCON games in Hillary— in fact, it worked so well that they started to support Egypt.

All alone:

When taking your friends hostage stops working, your own company is the best company.


Who to watch
So now you’ve decided to watch the World Cup, and where you are watching it. Who are the big teams?

Brazil.

They are the Christ Church of World Cups, when you think of the World Cup, you think of this team. Five wins to their name, greater than anybody else, it’s hard to avoid these guys. Furthermore their fans are like the Tom Tower in Cornmarket Street: very hard to ignore. On a positive note, these guys can really dance and have a good time, something that Christ Church wishes it could do. Maths even backs up my theory: a mathematician’s model from this very university showed Brazil to be most statistically likely to win.

Germany.

More like the Magdalen of the World Cup, rated by all but has just a smidge less “wow” factor than Brazil. In comparison to everyone else though they’re in a different league. If Cxford colleges were in a World Cup, I’d back these guys the way I always back Germany.

France.

Being the reigning champions, they are in the proverbial Isis trying not to get bumped this year. But unfortunately, missing Benzema, Pogba and Kante seems like trying to compete without a few oars. All hope isn’t lost on the French because they are still favourites.

Argentina.

Not many Cxford analogies can be ascribed to this country. With alumnus of Maradona and soon to be Messi, I think all Oxford colleges fail to produce such good talent. Instead a good chunk of them are too busy producing lacklustre PMs.

England.

For the sake of its group stage, it can be Oriel. Perhaps unfairly ridiculed, but a college that has many enemies. No one seems to like Oriel, and certainly in the group stages no one seems to like England either. But that’s alright cause at least they like themselves.

Watching in your contact hours.

Now for the more committed, World Cup watchers, the imminent problem you might stumble across is that especially for the group stages, there is going to be a lot of clashes with your studies. This however, is nothing you haven’t encountered before, you’ve already had the practice in back school.

There’s levels to this you see, lectures are easy, whack on the game with an air pod in one ear and the slides open in another window and you are good to go. This does assume that you are at least trying to pay attention to the lecture, but some man out here are shameless, only in the lecture for attendance.

Tutes are a whole different gravy. And also not for the faint hearted. Unfortunately here I can only recommend live score or a live feed of the game like BBC does. There’s no way your going to get away with watching a match on the sly in tutes. That being said, if you can manage it, then you are too good for oxford.

Other fun things.

Now, while football can be fun, it can also be extremely boring sometimes. Watching a 0-0 bout in the group stage is very dull. That’s when these fun activities can be employed.

Who is the better dressed manager.

Seems strange but I am convinced that the better dressed a manager, the more likely the team is to win. In the Euros two years ago, I distinctly remember remarking that Mancini and his coaching squad were cutting up a fine figure with their matching Italian blazers and lo and behold he found himself in the final with Gareth waistcoat Southgate. Given that Italy won, I’m convinced the theory is water-tight, mulling over which manager is better dressed will pass the time in a very dull game. Note Gareth seems to have ditched the waistcoat and unbuttoned a few buttons this tournament: England your chances are looking less bright.

Who’s the fittest.

None of this please. Leave that to 12 year olds on Tik Tok. I’m talking to you “Mrs Grealish 69”. Not but seriously I’m begging you to stop doing this so loudly, because the true Brexit geezers keep asking me about the offside rule cause of you lot. By the way, has anyone checked on Bellingham, he might’ve been kidnapped by the Tik Tok girlies, they’re obsessed with him again.

In this utter nonsense however, there should be a deeper story that there is always to be fun to be had in a World Cup. Whether you can list all the winners since 66’ or you just learned today that project Mbappe isn’t the French spinoff of project runway. It can be enjoyed by all. Aww, isn’t that nice.

Image Credit: Liondartois/ CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia commons.

Cherwell’s College Bar Crawl

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A lot can be discovered about a college’s culture from the ingredients of their college drink. The ‘work hard, play hard’ attitude that is ubiquitous among Oxford students, who alternate their use of early morning hours between essay crises and club outings, is reflected by the drinking culture that shocks many non-British Oxonians. Even Merton, fondly known as “where fun goes to die”, has a cocktail comprised of enough Vodka, monster energy, and VK to shock that fun right back to life again, whilst the various concoctions offering four or more shots for under a fiver suggest that whatever intellect the uni tries to instil in us is heavily counteracted by our affinity for self-inflicted brain damage.


However, the wide variety of hangover-inducing drinks on offer across Oxford’s colleges is generally a secret to us. Unless you’re part of a society that tours for pres or you happen to have friends scattered across the collegiate system, you’re unlikely to have encountered most of these alcoholic recipes (for disaster?). Yet with the cost-of-living crisis pushing the price of pub drinks to stratospheric heights, and with the comparative cost-effectiveness of six-shot college drinks seeming too good to pass up, it seems like now is the perfect time for an investigation into what different college bars have to offer.


Cherwell has polled its staff and readers to uncover the secrets of Oxford’s college drinks. We hope that, with our handy map to guide you, you can hack those 8th week Bridge outings after experiencing the various mind-blowing and sometimes underwhelming drinks on offer. Putting all college rivalry aside, discover for yourself whether the Crummock is worth a trek to Catz (spoiler: it is), or whether Corpus’ Ed Millibubbles is indeed “a fantastic mild red, just like Ed himself”.


Disclaimer: Cherwell does not necessarily agree with the descriptions of drinks in this article, nor does it endorse trying them all in a single night of care-free hedonism. However, the reader is free to make their own choices.

Balliol
Name of drink: Balliol Blue
Ingredients: Vodka, blue curaçao, peach schnapps, lemonade
Description: Tastes almost like it’s non-alcoholic. Sweet (until you hit the last few sips) and very blue.

Brasenose
Name of drink: V cubed
Ingredients: Double shot of vodka mixed with a vk of choice
Description: Tantalising, mouth watering, fruity, great to get absolutely sloshed

Corpus Christi
Name of drink: Ed Millibubbles
Ingredients: Everything
Description: A Fantastic mild red just like Ed Himself, a former corpuscle

Hertford
Name of drink: Pango (it used to be called a pan galactic gargle blaster)
Ingredients: Allegedly between 4-6 shots. Ingredients are a secret, but could contain vodka black current squash and lemonade. Original version was five white spirits, plus blue bols and topped up with lemonade.
Description: Black current, pink, delicious. Tastes a bit like vimto. Sweet but a bit of a tang

Jesus
Name of drink: bleed green/ sheep bite
Ingredients: probably vodka/gin, midori, maybe grenadine
Description: it literally bleeds green and the sheep bite glows green in the UV room.

Keble
Name of drink: Shark bite
Ingredients: Blue Curacao, half a shot Peach Schnapps, half a shot Vodka, Cranberry
Description: Red and blue, Sweet, Yummy, Not very alcoholic.

Lady Margaret Hall
Name of drink: Purple Lady
Ingredients: Vodka, white wine, blackcurrant juice and lemonade
Description: It’s purple and does not taste of alcohol but it’s completely lethal and gets you drunk very quickly

Magdalen
Name of drink: Moselle
Ingredients: 5 shots of Gin + VK of choice
Description: Flavour – Alcoholic. Colour – Blue/Orange. Enjoyment- no good night is complete without one

Mansfield
Name of drink: Cryptonite (the bar is called the Crypt)
Ingredients: Some sort of vodka, lemonade and cherry sourz mixture
Description: Cherry red, tastes like haribo cherry tangfastics, absolutely cannot taste the alcohol but its cheap

Merton
Name of drink: Power pint
Ingredients: Vodka, monster energy, VK
Description: Many different colours, very sweet, good for before a night out

Oriel
Name of drink: Glennies
Ingredients: Vodka, gin, peach schnapps, lemonade, lime cordial
Description: Sweet, zingy and drinkable – but lethal after a few glasses of wine.

Regent’s Park
Name of drink: Dizzie
Ingredients: Vodka, Malibu, blue curacao, raspberry sours, gin, and lemonade
Description: Very blue, very yummy and a big hit with customers.

Somerville
Name of drink: Somerville sunset
Ingredients: Grenadine, mango, orange, (vodka)
Description: Sunset colours, very sweet, tastes like juice!

St Catz
Name of drink: Crummock
Ingredients: Four shots including peach schnapps and vodka plus lime syrup
Description: So sweet it’ll make you wince but guarantee you won’t taste the alcohol; perfect for a big night out, but making it to the club after a couple of these isn’t a guarantee

St Peter’s
Name of drink: Cross Keys
Ingredients: 6 shots of who knows what
Description: variety of flavours, perfect amount of alcohol, it’s pres in one drink.

Trinity
Name of drink: The Unholy Trinity
Ingredients: No idea. Best guess is lemonade, vodka, gin and blue sugar syrup?
Description: Very blue and very tasty. Only a half pint though where other colleges have full pint.

Wadham
Name of drink: The nick
Ingredients: Gin, vodka, apple VK, lemonade
Description: Green! Yummy! Apple! Very sweet! Expensive though 🙁 (£4.60?!)

Image credits
Map: Meg Lintern
College crests (both in article and on map): ChevronTango – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0

Special report: “Have you come to see the shrunken heads?” University Museums face pressure to decolonise

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Oxford University’s museums, the Pitt Rivers and the Ashmolean, have seen a growing appeal to revisit their spaces and museum practices with a contemporary eye in light of their colonial pasts. The protests sparked by the murder of George Floyd in 2020, and the Black Lives Matter Movement put into question the UK’s colonial past and the legacy it perpetuates through its institutions. With this surge in conversation over the decolonisation of spaces came a revisiting of repatriation and colonial practice in museums. The Rhodes Must Fall movement advocated the removal of the statue of Cecil Rhodes outside Oriel College in 2020, and described the Pitt Rivers Museums as “one of the most violent spaces in Oxford” in 2015. In 2022, the discussion on the UK’s colonial responsibility remains prevalent with repatriation of looted artefacts triggering what newspapers such as The Telegraph brand “culture wars”. However, have recent years seen a dwindle in momentum?

Oxford University’s Pitt Rivers Museum and its ethnographic collection comprises one of the largest anthropology museums in the world. Among its 50,000 artefacts, many have been called into question over their link to Victorian Britain’s imperial conquests, as well as coming under criticism for the way they have been exhibited and labelled. The museum was originally designed to explain “the conservatism of savage and barbarous races”, using it to promote European ways in comparison. Its collection is grouped together by “type” rather than country and has previously come under fire for its exhibition of labels, such as “primitive dwellings”, “primitive medicines” and “modern savage” to describe the relics. Wayne Modest, an Honorary Research Associate at the museum has stated on this, “When working with ethnographic collections today, one is always aware of the shadows of colonial categories and the critiques of words (and images) long held by those we try to represent. Indeed, it is not just words that matter: the perspectives or the position from which one writes or displays also matters.” Augustus Pitt Rivers, who founded the museum in 1884, was himself strongly influenced by Darwinism, or rather the use of Darwinist theories to explain social Darwinism, taking concepts like the survival of the fittest and placing them in social structures to explain “the conservatism of savage and barbarous races”.

In 2020, the Pitt Rivers Museum faced criticism over and subsequently removed its collection of shrunken heads, or tsantas, which went on display in the 1940’s. The shrunken heads were made by the Shuar and Achuar people from Ecuador and Peru and were deemed by the museum’s director, Dr Laura Van Broekhoven to reinforce racist stereotypes, as the museum’s audience research found that “visitors often understood the Museum’s displays of human remains as a testament to other cultures being ‘savage’, ‘primitive’ or ‘gruesome.’” As of yet, the tsantas have not been repatriated. Where they were once exhibited, a board remains in its place that poses questions of Western perception, writing of the “exoticising nature” of the previous display. The move came 15 years after a UK government guidance was published that stated, “careful thought should be put into the reasons for, and circumstances of, the display of human remains.”

The University’s museums house a number of looted artefacts within their collections that have come under controversy for cultural insensitivity. The Universities of Oxford and Cambridge agreed to repatriate more than 200 Benin Bronze items in August 2022, after Nigeria’s National Commission for Museums and Monuments sent a formal claim, including the return of 97 objects in the Pitt Rivers and Ashmolean Museum collections. Oxford University’s Council said in a statement in June 2022 that it “is now submitting the case to the Charity Commission, recommending transfer of legal title to the objects to Nigeria’s National Commission for Museums and Monuments.” The UK Charity Commission was expected to assess the claims this autumn, however, there has been no recent update on the fate of the objects. Should the objects be repatriated, this will likely mark the largest repatriation of Benin artefacts from the UK. The Oxford University news office told Cherwell, “The Charity Commission has subsequently requested additional information on the case which will be supplied before the end of the year and we hope it will issue its decision shortly thereafter. As one of several UK museums that hold significant materials taken from Benin in 1897, the Pitt Rivers has been involved in long-term research and engagement projects in partnership with Nigerian stakeholders and representatives from the Royal Court of the Benin Kingdom.  Since 2017, the Museum has been a member of the Benin Dialogue Group and has played a leading role in discussions on the future care of the collections.”

A dig into Oxford University’s relationship with colonial artefacts and exhibitions comes at a time of a larger debate in the UK over repatriation. The British Museum currently hosts the Parthenon Marbles which Greece have campaigned for decades to be returned to Athens. George Osborne, the British Museum Chair, has recently rebuked calls for restitution, claiming “we believe in a museum of common humanity”.

The repatriation debate is one familiar to the University; in May 2022, the Oxford Union voted to repatriate contested artefacts. The proposition speaker, Stephen Fry, who has long advocated for the cause, spoke of the Parthenon Marbles which he described as being “sawn and hacked away from the frieze of that extraordinary building… These were looted and stolen and exported without licence and they need to go back.”

Oxford Professor Nigel Biggar has rebuked the legacy of the UK’s colonial roots. The University held a series of Roger Scruton Memorial Lectures in October, in which Biggar claimed that Britain is not a systemically racist country and that Britain’s racism is not rooted in its colonial past which it continues to celebrate. He branded this aspect of the decolonisation movement “false” and having “smuggled itself into university departments undercover of false ideas”.  The Oxford professor has also written an article for The Times called ‘Don’t feel guilty about our colonial history’.

Within the University, organisations exist to combat colonial material in an educational way. A co-curated exhibition that opened on the 16th of November at the Bodleian Library entitled These Things Matter displays various examples of colonial materials from the University’s own collection and puts them in a contemporary context with adjoining artworks. These Things Matter plays on a new way of exhibiting that frames and contextualises the colonial material. It takes, for example, a heavily redacted Bible made to teach a pro-slavery version of Christianity and displays it alongside a video called ‘And there was disquiet at God’s table’ by Nigerian artist Bunmi Ogunsiji. The video punctuated by echoes and rhyme, encounters the founder of the society responsible for the redacted Bible, Rev. Beilby Porteus. Raising questions to the Reverend, such as “Are you not here in my house because I was in yours?” and talking of the missionaries sent “into the land of night shining the torch of God’s good light”, the piece creates a discussion on the use of religion as colonial justification, as well as its effects on the construction of his neo-colonial African identity.

Uncomfortable Oxford, an academic-led organisation, also challenges the narratives the University’s museums exhibit and the debate of repatriation. From January 2023, the organisation will continue to lead their Ashmolean Tour which engages specifically on the question of restitution and authenticity in museums, taking for example the cast gallery of the museum in which all the statues are copies, raising the questions that challenge the argument made by Western museums that they cannot return the original artefacts to their communities. 

Calls to return a 16th century Indian Bronze currently held at the Ashmolean Museum were made in March 2020 by the Indian High Commission, and the museum is currently awaiting the final report from the Archaeological Survey of India, after which the claim will be submitted the to museum’s trustees and finally, the Vice-Chancellor of the University of Oxford will be the one to decide if the object will be returned under University’s Procedures for the Return of Cultural Objects.

Oxford University is in a process of revisiting its complex relationship with colonial history through its museums, bringing up questions of redressing and repairing. Effacing the colonial perspective through the changing of exhibition narratives, as well as calls to repatriate come amidst the “culture wars” that have long brandished the front pages of newspapers.

Image credit: Ana Lanzon

Baroness Hale visits the Oxford Union

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The Oxford Union welcomed Baroness Hale on 24th November as she answered questions about her legal career to a packed audience in the chamber.

Baroness Hale is a British judge who joined the House of Lords as a Lord Appeal in Ordinary in 2004 and remains the only woman to have been appointed to that position. She then transferred with all other Law Lords in 2009 to the then-new Supreme Court, where she served as Deputy President from 2013 to 2017 and  President from October 2017 to January 2020. 

 Hale was responsible for overseeing the court as it made several significant rulings, one being when it declared the former Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s decision to prorogue parliament in 2019 unlawful. 

Opening the talk, Hale shared her thoughts on current events, namely the Scottish Independence ruling earlier in the week. 

“Anybody who has read the Scotland Act would not have been surprised by the decision of the UK supreme court [to disallow an independence referendum without Westminster approval]”. That decision is very far from one that turns the Supreme Court into a political court. It was a straightforward decision.”

Hale then focused more generally on public outcry to some of the court’s rulings. “It is always difficult to persuade those who don’t like a court decision to not attack it politically,” she told the chamber. “The answers to legal questions have political implications. So when we ask about the process of exiting the EU, none of that was about whether we should leave, but about the role that parliament should play – a constitutional, legal case.”

Hale believes that the appointments to the UK Supreme Court are based on an open, transparent, and independent merit-based system. “I’m living proof that politics doesn’t come into it,” she said, adding “Judicial appointments in the UK are not made on party-political grounds”.

Next, Hale discussed the challenge the court faces with interpreting laws. “It has always been the principle that you try and interpret the words consistently with what you think parliament’s intentions to be. Although these have never occurred to most members of parliament when they voted.”

The Union then asked Hale about the increasing perception of the court as a political body following the two Gina Miller cases and questions of the Human Rights Act

“The only thing the courts can do is explain their decisions and explain why they are making those decisions,” Hale responded. “The courts have limited power to defend themselves against unjustified criticisms. The best we can do is reach our decisions in accordance with legal principles. If the public thinks we’re doing something different there is very little we can do against it. It is the job of Lord Chancellor to defend the courts – and most have been quite good at that – but one or two have not – and you all know what I mean by that.” Laughter from the audience followed.

“Although parliament made a song and dance about [certain decisions] it is parliament’s job to keep us in check,” she continued “They are legally and constitutionally supreme. But as we all know, our government is not separate from parliament and must command a majority. So basically, the government is in charge unless parliament says no.”

Asked about whether she thought the House of Lords should be elected, Hale said, “Reform of the house of lords has been on the agenda of constitutional reform in the Labour Party since 1998 when they removed most of the hereditary lords. 

My feeling is that were there to be a wholly elected House of Lords there would then be a huge question about what its power should be. Think about how you would legislate the House of Lords. The PM can appoint who he damn well pleases – checks are not effective. It is difficult to put in constitutional form with any degree of respectability. Many agree on reform but deciding how is why it hasn’t happened yet.”

Hale says her proudest case is the Porogation Case from 2019 “though I suspect the Yemshaw [v London Borough of Hounslow case on domestic violence] case did more good for people”, she added.

“I am proud of court convening so quickly to ensure parliament could get back some of the time from the unlawful Prorogation, and because it was a hugely important political question that reverberated around the world.” She recalls a meeting with the Head of the Commonwealth shorty afterwards “who said … they were all worried that if it went the other way then their governments would have tried equally egregious things”. 

One audience member told Hale that she was a ‘role model’ to many women. 

Hale responded that her story “should be a source of encouragement for women and others because it demonstrates that somebody who has none of the usual connections in terms of family, education, social standing, and birth can reach the top of the justice system in this country.

Hale left the chamber to resounding applause.

Image credit: Jonathan Kirkpatrick

Oxford makes progress after centuries of social engineering in admissions

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Recently, a widely read and wildly misguided attack was launched by the Telegraph (and reported on by this paper) on the contextual admissions process at Oxford and Cambridge. According to frustrated heads of private schools, admission consultants, parents, and students, declining admission rates for private school students constitutes “social engineering” and “alarm bells should be ringing.” Their writing is so ignorant and one-dimensional that it reads more like satire than investigative journalism– the record needs to be set straight.

Let’s be clear: applications to Oxbridge have risen by 31% in the last five years so admittance rates for all students have been on the decline. Those rates at Oxford are still higher for private school students than state school students. In fact, this year private school students comprise 31.3% of Oxford students despite making up only 7% of the student population. Contextual admissions is just one mechanism that is pushing Oxford on the right track, but more work needs to be done. The suggestion by some that we reverse course is sickening.

I do not understand what the problem is with contextual admissions: there is no way a student can be evaluated fairly without considering the context in which their achievements were made. Contextual factors used by Oxford include a student’s school, neighbourhood, and eligibility for free school meals. Research shows that ‘pupils from state schools are more likely to get a first-class degree than pupils from independent schools with the same GCSE grades.’ Jonathan Portes, former Director of the National Institute of Economic and Social Research, points out that if Oxford does engage in social engineering it is in favour of private school students who are disproportionately admitted relative to their likelihood of achieving good degrees.

The amount of mental gymnastics that the Telegraph and elitists do to rationalise their entitlement is flabbergasting. One article claims that spots at Oxford are not ‘allocated fairly to those who will most benefit from them,’ while another acknowledges (correctly) that disadvantaged students benefit the most and instead rhetorically questions, ‘At what point does social mobility stop?’ One article somehow reconciles disapproval of contextual admissions with acceptance of the idea that ‘a truly fair university application system would surely spot talent wherever it is to be found … and would reward potential and not just performance.’

Here are a few more unironic snippets from Telegraph articles:

There was no explanation that I could give his parents for [rejection]. We made sure he applied to a College with hundreds-of-years-old links with Winchester and that didn’t work either.”

Just as young people in disadvantaged circumstances didn’t choose to be born there… other people didn’t choose to go to a relatively successful school in Buckinghamshire.”

[A private education] almost seems to be a disadvantage really in many ways, especially for the top public schools.”

Whenever values in a society shift, there will be winners and losers. Money and privilege no longer afford as much educational advantage for elites as they have for centuries, finally giving way to principles of equity and genuine meritocracy. That students from Harrow no longer enjoy the 45.2% Oxbridge acceptance rate they did five years ago is not a crime. As Oxford becomes increasingly accessible for increasingly competitive state school students, it should be expected that state school students make up an increasing proportion of the student body. Insofar as we believe that Oxford should admit students that are representative of the diverse wider population, have the most potential to succeed, and will benefit the most from attending, then this – and contextual admissions – is something to champion and celebrate.

Image: CC1:0