So, not a graceful creature of the savannah, I’m guessing? Sadly not. Rather an inmate at Oxford’s last remaining women’s college. Disappointingly though few of the beasts grazing the banks of the Cherwell are particularly leggy or graceful, unless they happen to be an errant deer from Magdalen.
Where exactly is St Hilda’s then? Both geographically, and in terms of options for the desperate, the college is situated half- way to Brookes. It’s pleasant pastoral setting provides an oasis of peace where the only disruption is the ticking of the girls’ synchronized menstrual cycles. However, despite it’s tangible appeal for many Oxford students Hilda’s lies in the same category as Camelot, a place they have read about in books but which may or may not exist. If all else fails though you can always look at bottom of the Norrington table, as it crops up there without fail.
Really – I’d heard it is an academic powerhouse? Perhaps in comparison to the ‘University’ of Luton, but it has to be said it’s no Merton. Hilda’s perennial placing in the Vauxhall conference of Oxford’s academic league may have something to do with it scavenging the scraps that fall from the table of the admissions process, but it is mentioned less often that the Hildabeasts actually do no worse than girls elsewhere in Oxford. They just haven’t got any boys to get firsts for them. Proof indeed that curly handwriting and diligence can only get you so far.
So why don’t they admit male students? It is rumoured that the cost of mass urinal construction would be too much for the college’s fragile finances to bear. And Hilda’s also undeniably supports gender equality in the university. After all, for St Benet’s to continue to educate the cream of Oxford – the rich and thick – then there has to be somewhere for their sisters to go when they don’t get into Bristol.
Apparently the college has a particularly diverse student body? Indeed it does, although contrary to popular belief and the pictures in the alternative prospectus of drunken girl-on-girl twister action, not all St. Hilda’s students are lesbians. With such a foreign legion present many of them are bi…lingual. Others applied to proper colleges and ended up there through no fault of their own.
But aren’t the girls heavily involved in all aspects of student life? Certainly. The same alternative prospectus boasts that “Hilda’s girls are amongst the best at getting out there and finding it.” A fact which is attested to by the college’s notorious 4am fire drills, when the bewilderhildabeasts standing outside in the rain are invariably gravely outnumbered by shifty looking men in ill-fitting borrowed pink dressing gowns. If you are desperate and dateless, get on the case up Cowley Place. Just don’t wake up and smell the oestrogen.ARCHIVE: 5th week MT 2005

Oxford fencer makes top ten at European Championships Sophie Troiano of Christ Church also represented Great Britain, fencing in the women’s foil. Ken Okamura
First half Oxford blitz does for Nottingham netballers Oxford extended their netball winning streak with a 39-27 win against Notingham II. Oxford had the game won by half time, having raced to a 25-10 lead. In the second half they slowed up, and the Nottingham side closed up thanks to Ellie Crush, their exceptionally accurate Goal Attack. Oxford’s lead never looked in doubt, however, and they pulled away again in the final quarter.Meanwhile, the Roos annahilated Staffs II by a staggering score of 121-1.Binyamin Even
Women Hockey Blues suffer disappointing drawOxford slumped to a disappointing draw against St Mary’s this week, squandering a torrent of possession and chances to end up all square at 1-1. The first half saw a succession of squandered short corners and a gradual erosion of the composure. The turning point appeared to have arrived deep in the first half when Beth Wild won a penalty flick after two atrocious challenges; but Vicky Anderson was denied by the post. Jo Sumpter finally broke the deadlock, but Oxford continued to waste opportunities. They were punished after half time, as Mary’s scored a controversial equaliser following a scramble in the Oxford area. The Blues will aim to get back on track against Bath next week.Lisa RavenscroftMagdalen fresher Jamie Kenber has claimed ninth place at the Junior Eeuropean Championships in Tapolca, Hungary. The current British men’s senior foil champion was unbeaten in the poule round, followed by two knockout contests, before losing to Italian Martino Minuto in the last sixteen, 15-9. He also formed part of the British foil team which came fifth.ARCHIVE: 5th week MT 2005

BNC maintain 100% hockey record at New’s expense: Brasenose confirmed their status as favourites for the college hockey Championship with a 4-1 win over previously unbeaten New College.After an evenly balanced opening period, a quick break by the pacey Phil Siddorn released Guy Hemus to put BNC ahead. With both sides disorganised at the back Brasenose again capitalised, Mike Herring thundering in a short corner. Just before half time, however, New struck back, a fast break seeing the ball in the BNC net for the first time this season. But BNC were soon on top again. Herring stretched their lead once more, before completing his hat-trick after Maitland had won a penalty flick.Alexander SmithQueen’s concessions ensureCorpus’ first division survivalA conceded game handed Corpus/Somerville victory in the relegation dogfight at the bottom of the first division of college rugby this Tuesday.Going into the final round, any of the teams risked the drop. However, Queen’s, beset by injuries, were forced to concede their final game against Corpus/Somerville, leaving them with no wins for the season and Corpus with two. Having already beaten they were assured another season of first division rugby, thanks to a regulation stating that results between teams finishing on equal points will determine their order.Binyamin EvenCatz win not enough to claim title: St Catherine’s ended a memorable season with a convincing but forgetable 60-0 win over exeter. Exeter have been unfortunate with Catz started slowly, but they eventually found their stride in the second half. exeter captain Joe Bailey gave credit to his side in the face of such a resounding loss; "You can’t fault the effort of this team, we struggled to even string together a side due to injuries but it’s been a privilege to play with such a special group of guys." For St Catz this victory completed a successful season, and Captain Fergus O’Sullivan warned future rivals that "we’ve got strength to build on, next season we’re aiming for the top spot." injuries this season and the match was ended as a contest early on when yet another injury to Will Cochrame left his side with just fourteen players. Nick HawkerHugh’s cruise to four goal victorySt Hugh’s set out their intentions for the Premier division football campaign in emphatic style, overwhelming champions Queen’s with two goals in each half.Queen’s never looked likely to penetrate Hugh’s’ rock-solid defensive partnership of Alex Lesley and James Bath – and never even forced the goalkeeper to make a notable save. Woeful all round except in their ultimately futile determination to snatch a consolation goal, the champions will be wondering whether next season might be spent in the First division.Joshua Freedman  ARCHIVE: 5th week MT 2005

Oxford beat Cambridge 22-25 18-25 25-12 25-22 15-7Oxford’s volleyball team went from hell to heaven last Wednesday as they turned around what was looking like a straight humiliation at Iffley Road. As the canon-like booming of the two sides’ spikes died down, however, the Blues were left victorious by three sets to two, leaving Cambridge to ponder how they let slip a two set lead. Throughout the match, Oxford were the classier side. Led by captain Jack Turner and giant spikers Greg Dochuk and Anders Karup, they had too much power and skill for the Tabs when they got their plays right. Early on, however, they rarely did. No matter how tall your spikers are, nor how acrobatic your captain, they are of little use if you serve into the net, or misread your team-mates’ set ups. The Blues had suffered some injury enforced changes, but their play was too inaccurate to be excused by this, as even experienced combinations misfired. despite the solidity of some of the Cambridge play, they were largely gifted the first two sets by Oxford, 22-25 and 18-25. At this point, the Blues’ supporters were getting nervous. The Volleyball club has organised itself to ensure women players always attend men’s matches, and vice versa, and the results were impressive: a dozen or so knowledgeable, fanatic and incredibly vocal supporters, cheering every Oxford play, even when supposedly acting as line judges. Back on the court, some choice words must have been exchanged in the Oxford huddle, for they came out a different side. Rather than gift Cambridge an early lead through needless errors, they tightened up their play to move into a comfortable lead. Despite one Cambridge timeout after another, Oxford’s lead soon grew from 7-4 to 16-9. Aided by a dig by libero denis Zuev from almost six feet outside the court, Oxford closed out the set 25-10. The fourth set was to follow. To their credit, the Tabs raised their game, but the set turned with a series of seven successive winning deliveries from Jeff Young, including an ace. Though Dan Maranhao was arguably lucky to get away with a yellow card after ‘verbalising the referee’, the Tabs never recovered from Young’s winning series, losing the set 25-22. In the fifth, tie breaker set, the Tabs’ heads finally went down. Oxford raced to a 6-0 lead, and by the time the Tabs got into the set, Oxford had it, 15-7. Turner, commenting on the win, said "We came out very slowly, and we took a lot of time getting our heads in. But we were always much more aggressive, we just needed to play simple volleyball and not get carried away. It’s only our second game, so it was just a question of getting match fit and in practice."ARCHIVE: 5th week MT 2005

The Royal and Ancient Golf Club’s decision to allow women to enter the Open Championship will provide the likes of Michelle Wie, teeing off in her first professional tournament as the announcement was made, with the chance to challenge their male counterparts directly.The move is progressive and open-minded, in fact the very nature of an ‘Open’ Championship dictates that gender should be a side issue, but was always likely to ruffle a few feathers.Frenchman Jean Van de Velde, last witnessed wading through Carnoustie’s Barry Burn on the final hole of the 1999 Open Chamionship, offered the most absurd reaction The piqued 39 year old claimed, in protest, that he would attempt to qualify for next year’s Women’s British Open at Royal Birkdale: "I am definitely going to approach them to get an application and if they let me play in the qualifying event then I will. I’ll even wear a kilt and shave my legs."We thought we’d seen the last of his legs in Barry Burn, but Van de Velde, it seems, is serious. despite the fact that no female professionals except Wie have expressed even a long-term thought of competing with men, he insists that a line must be drawn in the sand trap."Those guys playing in The Open a hundred and fifty years ago and who won it three or four times must be spinning in their graves. My whole point is where do we draw the line?" Van de Velde asked after hacking his way through a seven-over 78 at the Volvo Masters in Spain (a men’s tournament). "If we accept that women can enter our tournaments, then it applies that men can play with women."Maybe the Frenchman is willing to play the fool to provoke discussion of wider issues about the separation of women’s and men’s events and the spirit of competition, but we simply can’t take his suggestions seriously. Someone of the calibre of Tiger Woods, for instance, would never consider such an absurd or unsporting suggestion as entering a women’s event, and the prospect of Van de Velde doing so is uninspiring. It smacks of a cheap publicity stunt by an out-of-form player who feels threatened by the emergence of women with the ability to humiliate him yet further, this time on a golf course.Besides, Van de Velde is overlooking the Ladies’ Golf Union "gender policy": "It shall be a condition of any competition organised by the Ladies’ Golf Union that players must be of the female gender." Looks like the Philips Ladyshave can be put away for a rainy day, then. There is also the clause: "If there is uncertainty as to a player’s gender then, in order to ensure fair competition, a member of the committee may ask a player to provide proof of gender to a medical expert" – and Van de Velde certainly wouldn’t make the cut on this front.The crux of the matter is this; an influx of dominant men into women’s events would damage the game irreparably, whereas the likes of Wie or Annika Sorenstam would have to play "up" to the standard of the field in order to compete. The argument simply cannot be made in the opposite direction. What is more, players like Wie and Sorenstam competing with men would surely help to dissolve misogynistic condescension and inspire young girls with the confidence and ambition to follow in their footsteps.  ARCHIVE: 5th week MT 2005

I knew being at Oxford was like living in a bubble when, in five weeks, the only live football match I’d seen was Balliol v Worcester. Stuck in my high-security college, I’ve had to turn to the newspapers, the internet and the occasional viewing of Match of the As Chelsea march on, barely looking over their shoulder to catch a glimpse of their retinue (not that they’d be able to see anyone at that distance), Arsenal proceed to lock themselves inside their sole style of play that brings about any effect.I’m not the first one to say Arsenal need to vary their style if dominance domestically and in Eeurope can be achieved. But what they really need to do is not just try and perfect the present team, but have a whole new outlook. Arsenal need to resort to imitation.Eeuro 2004, Liverpool in their Eeuropean Cup win and Porto a season ago. Martin Samuel, the Times columnist, was on the right track when he wrote earlier this season that Arsenal’s 2003-4 side, who went the full Premiership campaign without defeat, were not just great but inimitable. Only Wenger could have moulded the team that could play in the blistering style they did.Chelsea, Samuel added, are only half of that: they are great – the best in last season, I believe – but they are not inimitable. Arsenal’s style was unique; Chelsea just churn out the same old stuff we saw done by Greece when they won Except Chelsea are better at it, and that’s why they win.In the current climate, Chelsea et al are the models. If a team wins something they’ve probably employed that style. Copying it effectively leads to success.But mimicking the top-level style is not something any old team can do well. In January 2004, Liverpool beat minnows Yeovil Town in the FA Cup third round, initially struggling as Yeovil’s tight defence frustrated them, but eventually clearing up with a comfortable 2-0 victory.The following morning, Simon Barnes, another Times columnist, (you think I have time to read two newspapers?) remarked that Yeovil had shot themselves in the foot. They had tried to imitate Gérard Houllier’s team by playing the civilised style that Premiership teams go for. They tried to pass, and defend with tactical precision, and keep to a system, and attack with caution, and all the things José Mourinho probably tells Chelsea to do. But they weren’t good enough at it, so they lost. Years ago, noted Barnes, Yeovil – – the kings of cup upsets – would have abandoned any tactics or discipline and gone all out to overwhelm Liverpool with passion and hard work and the help of an intimidating set of drunken fans. Instead, Yeovil played like a modern Premiership team, the fans sat and sang “Yeovil till I die” in the sweetest voice they could, and everyone wondered why they barely came close. In a battle between two identical systems, class will inevitably prevail.Currently, Arsenal can only beat the best if they are on form on the day. To achieve bigger things at home and in Europe, Arsenal need to imitate the imitable Chelsea. But unlike Yeovil that Sunday afternoon, Arsenal have the class to live up to the system. Eeven with Patrick Vieira gone they have enough quality players to form a system to compete on equal terms with Chelsea. Arsenal must stop wondering why their system is failing and start adapting to the present. If Chelsea’s bubble is going to burst, Arsenal have to get out of their own.Day to keep up with the world of football. Otherwise, escaping the vacuum is not easy. And it seems that my team are suffering from a similar problem. Arsenal have started the season – in fact, continued from where they were in May – in a bubble that seems to have been cutting them off from their rivals.ARCHIVE: 5th week MT 2005

Oxford 14Tonga 34Oxford came off worse in a match of brutal intensity against the touring Tonga national side. Though they remained competitive throughout the match, they conceded a disappointing six tries to lose by 14-34. 34-14 is a convincing defeat, but Oxford did not play badly. They were simply overpowered at the end by the sheer physicality of a Tonga side famous for its size, power and aggression even on the international scene. Almost to a man, the Blues were smaller than their opposite numbers; they lost over ten stone to the Tongans just in the front row! While their energy lasted, Oxford were impressive both in the pack and behind the scrum. The defensive gaps of the previous week were sealed, and Tom Tomblestone led the side in attack with two outstanding tries.The game started badly for the Blues with the poor conditions making handling difficult. Peter Jenkins made a mazy run toward his own tryline and Matt Sherman’s attempt to clear the ball was charged down. The Blues reacted slowly to a short period of pressure, which allowed Vaea Poteki to waltz over the line unopposed after Tonga created a large overlap with only three minutes gone.After this early shock Oxford began to assert themselves. The lineouts were solid and the good work upfront paid off when it allowed Tombleson to score a magnificent solo try. The ball was passed down the line to Tombleson who raced his opposite number to the line, diving into the corner. Whittingham knocked over a fantastic conversion and Oxford took a deserved 7-5 lead.Tonga’s game plan was clearly to use their power advantage to decisive effect. However, Oxford’s forwards excelled themselves, sucking up punishing bursts around the fringes and drives down the middle. For a while, the game descended into a stalemate. Only when half time approached did the match get going again. After the Blues had been denied a dangerous attacking position through Ross Lavery by a poor bounce off a grubber kick, Finau combined with Teviat Tiueti to score a breakaway try, converted for a 12-7 half time lead.In the second half Tonga’s sustained pressure began to tell. Finau burst through with such momentum that Oxford could barely catch him, let alone stop him. However, he was forced off after his second try, giving the Blues some much needed respite. Tombleson struck back immediately with another solo try, his jerky running leave Poteki watching from the ground as Tombleson sprinted to the line. Whittingham made another excellent conversion and with 25 minutes to go, the game looked even. However, Tonga now stepped up a gear. Vliiami Maasi was driven over the line in a thundering drive, Rodney Mahe scored after Tonga had been camping on the line and Eelisi Vunipola broke through with six minutes to go. There was one last opportunity for Tombleson to show off, and his run past three men lit up a poor last 20 minutes for the Blues.Tonga play a class of forceful rugby Oxford are unlikely to encounter again. Coach Steve Hill was proud that they “stood up to the physical side of the game”. With the final run in to Varsity now begins with a fixture against Major Stanley’s XV, and Oxford are ready to pounce.ARCHIVE: 5th week MT 2005

Oxford Men 85Cambridge Men 96Oxford Women 92 Cambridge Women 98The Freshers’ individual performances suggested promise for the upcoming year. Oxford dominated the distance events with David Woods and Ian Kimpton making it a one-two in the 800m, before Kimpton went on to convincingly take the 1500m. Richard Franzese left the field trailing in the 3000m race, ably supported by Mike O’Neil in second. A similar picture emerged in the women’s distance competitions, with Rachel Ward dominating the 3000m and 1500m competitions.This year has seen an influx of women sprinters and they did not fail to deliver, with victories for Frances Smithson, Natalie McManus and Caitlin Hanley in the 100m, 200m, and 400m respectively.Unfortunately the male sprinters could not follow their example, failing to register any victories, though Mark Ponsford made up for his disappointment in the sprints by taking victory in the high jump.Oxford showed greater depth in the field than in previous years, with wins for Nathan Fleming in both the javelin and discus. Frances Smithson stormed to victory in the triple and high jumps, and was just pipped in the long jump by team-mate Stephanie Madgett.Ddespite some encouraging performances in Freshers’ Cuppers, Oxford were again left trailing in the first varsity athletics meet of the year. However, the Tabs should not start celebrating a repeat of last year’s overall victory too soon; significantly fewer points separated the teams this time and, bearing in mind Oxford’s record at the main Varsity event, it bodes well for a change in fortune for the Dark Blues.ARCHIVE: 5th week MT 2005

St Peter’s 8St Edmund Hall 15St Edmund Hall claimed an attritional, nerve-wrecked title decider against St Peter’s to regain the college rugby title from their old rivals. Hall handed Peter’s their first defeat in the league for over a year thanks to an inspired charge-down and gather by Freddie Lait, producing the decisive try deep into injury time.The match was set up as a perfect title decider. St Peter’s were unbeaten, and victory would have meant their third successive league season and title. Hall had lost to St Catherine’s, but they had piled up such huge scores against exeter, Queen’s and Corpus/Somerville that any win would give them them the title on points difference. Mathematically, Catz, the term’s surprise package, were also in with a chance, but this required well over a one hundred point win over Exeter which was never likely. No amount of hyperbole can express the elation and despair at the end of this game. Just like the Cuppers final in May, Peter’s had a trophy they looked to have at least one hand on for most of the match snatched away from them in the last moments by a brilliant piece of Hall skill. The pressure of the match and the fiercely windy conditions meant neither team hit their peak until the closing stages, but, despite its close-fought nature, Peter’s had long periods of attacking possession, with the ball barely leaving the Hall half for the first twenty minutes. Poor handling and a shocking number of turnovers at the scrum saw many attacking opportunities frittered away.Peter’s started the match in brutally aggressive fashion. The ball barely left the pack as they tried to pummel Hall into submission. The fact that Teddy Hall only gave away one penalty in front of the posts bears testament to their discipline. When that chance did arise, Rob Unwin made no mistake and the ball sailed over for three points. Yet for all their pressure, they went in behind at half time. With half an hour gone, Peter’s’ Michael Botcherby spilled the ball and Hall pounced. The ball shot down the line and winger Dave Saleh did the honours, sprinting to the corner. As the game grew scrappy, Hall were able to guard a 5-3 lead to half time. After the break, Peter’s were again on top. Though the Hall back row created some field position for their team with a succession for turnovers, the pattern of the previous half soon returned. At last, however, Peter’s managed to recycle a series of phases, releasing ed Botcherby for a replica of Saleh’s try in the corner. The wind made the conversion all but impossible, but Peter’s led 8-5. The try rallied Peter’s into action. Alan edington went on the charge, and Hall looked in trouble, Michael Botcherby’s surge for the line barely held up. But Hall showed their class, raising their game in search of a winning score. Peter’s soaked up all that was thrown at them but in injury time, dan Lowther’s clearance was charged down by Lait. The ball bounced favourably into his hands and he placed the ball under the posts to the delight of Hall’s fans. Rob Yates, on superb form with the boot all day, converted to leave Peter’s needing a try to regain the lead. The fans thought the game was over, but referee Kevin duffy had been stopping his watch with such frequency that 18 minutes of injury time ran just in the second half. Hall guarded their lead in the best possible way, attacking the Peter’s half and sealing victory with another Yates penalty after Peter’s handled in the ruck. Peter’s captain Dave Poraj-Wilczynski summed up the Peter’s performance: "We played well in parts." But they lacked the killer edge, whereas Hall, as captain Robbie Newman said, "did all the things we set out to do". Hall deserved their title both on the day and through the season, oozing class against all opponents. Looking ahead to next season, they will once again be favourites. But with Peter’s likely seething to have let this title slip through their fingers, and Catz looking to build on a promising season in which they were the only side to beat Hall, they are likely to be pushed all the way again.ARCHIVE: 5th week MT 2005

Professor Alan Ryan,
Warden of New College, criticised league tables in a recent opinion piece for
the Times Higher education Supplement, say­ing that the “problem with league
tables is that they ignore the fact that institutions are of different sizes
and have different strengths.”Ryan
told Cherwell that university league tables are “all pretty much
nonsense”, and that “apples and pears” do not belong in the same table. Writing
in THeS last week, he points out that “excellent means ‘excellent at’ and that
‘at’ matters. What are you good at? is the ques­tion to ask.”Commenting
on the suggestion by Estelle Morris, former Secretary of State for Education and
Skills, that Sunderland University was doing research of the same kind as Cambridge, Ryan writes in THES: “If it does, somebody is
wasting a lot of money in the Fens. It may
well be true that the research Sunderland does
is exactly what the people it is done for need, just as it may well be true
that their teaching is just what their students need.” He
went on to say that, “In which case, the folk in Sunderland
are excellent at what they are doing. Full stop, no league tables. Does anyone
really want a table comparing violin­ists and tennis players?”This
year Oxford University published its first officially
endorsed ‘Norrington Table’, ranking colleges by Finals performance. The table
had previously been compiled by a number of newspapers from undergraduate
degree results posted outside Examination Schools. The University decided to
publish its own official results “in the interests of fairness” but maintained
that such college listings were “not very significant”.When
asked his thoughts on the Norrington Table, Professor Ryan said that “from top
to bottom” there was “scarcely any gap” between Oxford colleges. A
spokesperson for the University said of league tables: “We treat them with a
certain amount of caution. There are many different ways of measuring
individual aspects of an institution’s performance, and even more ways of
bringing these together in ‘league tables.’” When asked about the University’s
use of the Norrington Table, the spokes­person stated “Ranking colleges on the
basis of degree results is not very significant, as the numbers involved per
college are small, and the results are dependent on the performance of a
particular group of students in a particular year, rather than on the college
itself.”ARCHIVE: 5th week MT 2005