LMH JCR played host to an Anne Summers party last Friday
evening, which saw girls perusing the latest lingerie and trying
out sexual positions as well as being introduced to a diversity
of sex toys such as the famous Rampant Rabbit vibrator, edible
body paints and massage lotions. LMH lived up to its risque reputation as thirty students, all
undergraduates, attended the girls-only event which was organized
by Katie Beck, the female welfare officer, and held in the JCR.
An attendee who wished to remain nameless told Cherwell that it
had been “fun – a good chance to let your hair
down”. Although participants had been allowed to try out
some of the merchandise, they reported that the sizes were on the
whole, “too big.” A raffle also took place in which ticket holders had the
chance to win a prize ranging from chocolate body parts to the
briefest negligees. Unfortunately, no photos were taken, leaving
the male population of the college only guessing at what went on.
A source said, “It wasn’t in the spirit of the event to
take photographs; that was the whole point.” The party was designed to be a fun, “girly night
in,” and is billed on the Anne Summers website as being,
“the perfect opportunity to spend the night with your
girlfriends, catch up on the latest gossip and shop till you
drop…quite literally on the sofa…while having loads of
fun all from the comfort of your own home!” The event was a huge success with many ladies making
purchases. The organisers are now planning for a repeat of the
event party. The LMH bash follows other colleges who are already
purported to have hosted similar parties.ARCHIVE: 3rd week TT 2004 

The New College student who ran out in front of the car of the
Chinese Premier in a pro-Tibet protest last week intends to
represent himself as he faces criminal porceedings in July. Appearing before Magistrates on Tuesday, Matthew Sellwood, a
veteran protestor and activist, pleaded not guilty to offences of
public disorder. His trial will go ahead on Monday 26 July. Recent changes in the law meant that Sellwood was unable to
rely upon the assistance of the duty solicitor in the court-room.
He told the courts that he was unwilling to employ private
counsel and would therefore appear without representation in
July. A spokesman for the prosecution estimated that the trial
would take several hours to conclude. Speaking to Cherwell, Sellwood explained his intentions to
highlight supposed inaccuracies in “the police witness
statements and the charge sheets”. “I will also use arguments about the validity of
protesting against an authoritarian, repressive government and
for human rights.”ARCHIVE: 3rd week TT 2004 

Four expeditions are currently competing to find the body of a
former Merton student who may have conquered Everest before
Hilary and Tenzing. The expeditions hope to find conclusive proof
that Andrew Irvine reached the summit 80 years after he
disappeared on the mountain’s face. Irvine was 22 when he took time off from his degree to attempt
the climb with George Mallory, whose body was discovered in 1999.
It is hoped that Mallory’s camera would be found on Irvine
and this would provide the necessary evidence. Not enough is
currently known to settle the controversy conclusively.ARCHIVE: 3rd week TT 2004 

New research has suggested that Oxford’s admissions
policies is biased towards public school pupils. The findings of a report from the Higher Education Funding
Council for England showed that of students applying to the
country’s top thirteen universities with 28 A level points
(corresponding to two A grades and a B), 60% of pupils from
fee-paying schools were accepted by top universities in the
country compared with just 40% of state school pupils with the
same grades. Critics of the current admissions process assert that this
reflects the fact that state school pupils are discouraged from
applying, or are underestimated by teachers when awarded
predicted grades (the current basis for awarding university
offers). They also argue that the existing emphasis on interviews
favours pupils from fee-paying schools, who are well practised
and articulate. A spokeswoman for the University disputed thse claims. She
said, “We have a very active programme to widen access which
is backed up by a rigorous admissions procedure which ensures
that students are admitted solely on the basis of academic
ability and potential, irrespective of their social or
educational background.”ARCHIVE: 3rd week TT 2004 

A 14 year old girl provoked widespread controversy last week
by having an abortion, without the knowledge of her parents, only
to change her mind when it was already too late. She had agreed
to have the abortion after speaking to a school health worker. Maureen Smith, the girl’s mother, was distraught after
discoverring the truth. She believes her daughter did not tell
her that she was pregnant because “she was frightened and
felt that she had let me down”. According to her, Melissa
changed her mind after realizing the support she would receive
from her family and had been “talked into having an
abortion” despite “not believing in one”. Health workers are required by law to keep all patient
information confidential, even if they are minors. Teachers are
also not legally bound to reveal the details of pregnancies and
are advised to seek the consent of pupils involved. Opinion is bitterly divided over whether policy should change
to allow for the future support and reassurance to be taken into
account when making a decision or if confidentiality is crucial
in providing an avenue through which teenagers can seek help.
Maureen believes the current policy is wholly contradictory
considering her daughter “requires my consent to get her
appendix removed”. The government’s policies of distributing the morning
after pill in schools and allowing girls to have hormonal
contraceptives lasting up to three years inserted in their arms
has already come under fire. A recent report from the University
of Nottingham report showed that such measures, far from stemming
pregnancies had actually led to their increase.ARCHIVE: 3rd week TT 2004 

The Iraq war claimed another media scalp after the editor of
the Daily Mirror, Piers Morgan, was sacked for publishing fake
photos of Iraqi prisoner abuse. Morgan’s nine year reign came to an abrupt end when
members of the Queen’s Lancashire regiment showed that the
photos couldn’t have been taken in Iraq. Brigadier Geoff
Sheldon said that scratches on an army truck in the photographs
had been matched to a truck at the Territorial Army’s
Kimberley barracks in Preston. Morgan was sacked by the Trinity
Mirror Group and the paper issued an unreserved apology the
following day. The Daily Mirror claimed to have been subject to a
“calculated and malicious hoax”. Conflict between
government and media over Iraq has already forced the BBC’s
Director General and chairman to resign. Morgan was one of the
most vigorous anti-war voices in Fleet Street.ARCHIVE: 3rd week TT 2004 

If there’s one thing I dislike about this place,
it’s the musty world of ‘secret’ societies.
Bastions of old boy networking and the occasional social upstart,
they epitomise everything that makes me cringe about Oxford. That
and the VIP room at da Bridge. These societies pride themselves on being
‘exclusive’. You can’t join at Freshers’
Fair. Prospective members must wait patiently for their
credentials to be verified. Then there is the small matter of
initiation. This frequently involves drinking from a funnel until
you throw it all back up again into a plastic bucket which is
considered the mark of a true gentleman. Other societies insist upon a more brutal selection procedure.
The infamous Bullingdon Club initiate their members by trashing
their rooms, destroying all expensive equipment in their wake.
The point is, if you’re rich enough, you just don’t
care. Wanton acts of vandalism to make even football hooligans proud
are merely the beginning. Piers Gav are reputed to organize soirees of drug taking, at
mysterious, rural locations. Not even the members know where they
spent the evening, or in most cases, how. Abrasive drugs may well
be one way to keep them quiet I guess. At another ‘gentlemen’s’ society, the venerable
members celebrate their historical allegiance to King James II,
making a toast over a bowl of water to symbolize his exile
‘over the water’ in France. Sounds harmless enough. And
then there is the singing of right-wing songs, which has resulted
in bans from many restaurants in Oxford. Typically these societies only invite men into their ranks,
although the more progressive ones do permit a highly select
female contingent to attend certain events. One such Stamford society boasted of its ‘enlightened
attitude towards the opposite sex’ in a recent invitation.
Whatever next? Animals? And for those sorry few of you whose appetites have been
whetted, but remain uninitiated, take heart. A luminous wristband
is all it takes for admittance to the most exclusive society in
Oxford. Just make sure you keep your mouth shut.ARCHIVE: 3rd week TT 2004 

The Beat Cafe
Little Clarendon St
(01865) 553543 With a name to live up to, The Beat Cafe could end up as one
of two things: a horribly pretentious artsy hangout, air thick
with lyrical, introverted poetic angst and the smoke which
accompanies it; or, a more laid back, dare I say, cheaper
alternative to its swanky neighbour, the Duke of Cambridge. But
the two are not mutually exclusive and it seems the Beat Cafe
ranks somewhere in between. Depending on the time of day you choose to visit, thirst can
be quenched with a delicious smoothie or the somewhat less
delicious and also hilariously named Osama Gin Ladan. But cocktails on the whole are reasonable, and when a bar
offers not only a happy but also a stupid hour, who are we mere
students to debate the finer points of cocktailmanship? And
anyway, I have a feeling the experience this bar offers is not
entirely centred around the drinks and the drinking. Indulge in political debate, literary discussion or simply
have a smoke and watch the world (or rather, the worldly
residents of Jericho) go by. Visit on a sultry summer evening
when the front is open and you could almost be in, if not San
Francisco, Barcelona. Which is what The Beat Cafe is all about.
With its terracota walls and romanesque fittings it wants to take
you to the exotic places its hanging pictures depict. Bohemian pretentions notwithstanding, you want to hang out at
the Beat Cafe. You too can deplore the weaknesses of the human
condition and solve the world’s problems, you too can write
heart-felt poetry, and on a sunny evening you too can pretend
you’re somewhere far far away from Oxford. This bar can take you to a more enlightened place. Head on up
to Jericho and go along for the ride.ARCHIVE: 3rd week TT 2004 

The Lemon Tree
268 Woodstock Rd
(01865) 311936 Recently re-opened after refurbishment, The Lemon Tree appears to have regained its former reputation as one of Oxford’s best restaurants. While its location (a considerable way up Woodstock Road) means that it gets less attention than it might, everyone who has made the journey seems to have concluded that it was well worth the effort. Set in a beautiful north- Oxford villa, its décor is flawless. The walls are a warm Tuscan yellow, and the main dining area opens out onto an immaculate leafy patio garden where it is also possible to eat. But what about the food? The menu offered an almost bewildering choice and variety. To start, the black pudding on a bed of onion mash, despite sounding original, was unremarkable and slightly disappointing. The tomato and basil tart, however, was good and the scallops in butter sauce were exceptional. The mains similarly varied in quality. The garlic tiger prawns were pathetically small, but what made the dish truly bizarre was that it was served with what appeared to be gooseberries. The seared tuna on chickpea puree was very tasty, and the smoked haddock on spring onion mash was delicious. It was the dessert that redeemed the meal. The “chocolate pot” was a pot of warm chocolate sponge filled with hot, creamy chocolate sauce and served with white chocolate icecream. Certainly one of the best puddings I have had for a long time. Whilst sometimes over-ambitious with its culinary ideas and inconsistent in quality, The Lemon Tree’s choice of food, originality of dishes and excellent wine list should be applauded. But more than anything, it is its refreshingly individual ambience which makes it so special. It is quite simply a lovely place to eat, and certainly deserves its reputation as one of Oxford’s best restaurants.ARCHIVE: 3rd week TT 2004