Thursday 25th September 2025
Blog Page 267

The World According to Rusty… Week 1

This mildly comedic column has been written by a drag queen agony aunt. It is not for the faint hearted and contains sensitive topics which may cause distress to some readers. Be prepared for themes of substance abuse and what your mother keeps in the bottom drawer of her bedside cabinet (spoiler alert: your father likes being pegged).

State of the world got you down? Struggling to get up in the morning? Tired of going to constant Drag & Disorderly shows and reading a paper with two (yes, two) drag queen columnists? Get a grip – drag queens need to eat too, and a daily diet consisting of 40 Marlboro Gold and half an Adderall doesn’t come cheap.

Rusty Kate is Oxford’s premier cum-filled crossdresser, a viral sensation (and yes, that burning sensation is viral) known for her sold out shows in glamorous venues (your father’s spare bedroom) all across the city. She’s decided to take a short hiatus from leading Marine Le Pen’s public communications team to teach you about the importance of talcum powder in rubber play. Sorry, wrong column – to answer life’s biggest problems as resident Dragony Aunt.

Remember to submit your questions through this form – buy some merchandise while you’re there. I’ve not done a pregnancy test yet, but I’ll almost definitely have kids to feed at some point soon.

How do I deal with my ever-decreasing desire to have sex in this postmodern, intimacy deprived and ultimately depraved world?

Let the sex fuel you. If you’re like me, being penetrated can help you dissociate out of this godforsaken world. Lie on your front, sniff some poppers, and let the railing take you away to a land of daydreams and thinking about how your grandmother is doing. Is she coping in that house all by herself? She’s awfully forgetful at the minute, maybe you should get her checked for dementia. What if she leaves the oven on? She’ll turn the house into the Reichstag in 1933. What’ll happen to your inheritance then? Not to mention she’ll be left looking like a sunburnt sphynx cat. And by the time you fall down that mental hole, he’s already ejaculated, and he can get back to fixing your plumbing.


My friend has had some trouble getting it up. His girlfriend told me, and she’s a little bit down about it. I’m struggling with what to tell him?!

Ah, I’ve seen this problem before. So, your “friend” has a bit of whisky dick? Pilly willy? Depressed dong? Floppy phallus? Sickly sex organ? It’s not the end of the world – there are solutions. What your ‘friend’ needs to do is to analyse why he’s struggling to get it up. Is it a psychological issue, a bit of trauma from the past rearing it’s ugly, uncle-shaped head – or is it physical? Does he have too little blood spare to fill it up? Are his poor, congested arteries working overtime to do a sub-par job at lifting his miniscule member? It reminds me of an old boyfriend who used to pray to Jesus to fix his erectile dysfunction – but you have to remember that Jesus healed the sick, he didn’t raise the dead.

Ultimately, I say he should go to a therapist and figure out what’s going on in his head. No, not that head. It’s probably got something to do with mummy issues. Worst comes to worst, I know a guy that sells Viagra. There’s also a 20% student discount for Ann Summers’ strap-ons.

Submit your burning questions to Rusty Kate here.

Defying Gravity: In conversation with Stephen Schwartz

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There’s something magic about a Stephen Schwartz musical. 

Maybe it’s the grand themes his work sets out to explore. Pippin is a dazzling coming-of-age tale that asks its audience what it means to be truly satisfied. Rags is an epic portrayal of an immigrant’s struggle to succeed. Wicked is a compelling exploration of good and evil, and the dangers of political ambivalence.

Or perhaps it’s his signature showstoppers: Meadowlark, Stranger to the Rain, Defying Gravity. The songs contain beautiful melodies, thrilling orchestrations, and lyrics that capture the uncertainty felt by characters in a state of transition: to stay or to go, to accept the safety of the known, or embrace the uncertainty of the future. They’ve gone on to become anthems in their own right, even outside the context of their shows. 

Then again, it might be the kind of stories he tells, ones that champion the underdog. Whether it be a witch outcast because of the colour of her skin, a Prince banished for calling out the injustices and cruelty of his Kingdom, or a boy in search of his corner of the sky. 

“I tend to be attracted to stories about outsiders,” Schwartz tells me at the beginning of our call, “about people who feel themselves not part of the culture or not part of the mainstream if you will, and are trying to figure out how to fit in, and what the cost is of doing so.”

This trend continues with his most recent musical, Prince of Egypt, the stage adaptation of the hit 1998 animated feature. The reviews show that, fifty years into his career, this three-time Grammy winner, three-time Oscar winner, and six-time Tony nominated composer and lyricist continues to write stories that capture the heart of his audience. 

Schwartz’s self-described “roller-coaster” of a career began on Broadway with his 1971 hit show Pippin. At just 23 years old, Schwartz took home the Drama Desk Awards for Most Promising Composer and Most Promising Lyricist. The success of Pippin was followed by Godspell in 1972 and The Magic Show in 1974. At 26 years old, Schwartz had three successful musicals playing on Broadway. And the theatre world was hungry to see what he would do next.

And yet, his next musical, The Baker’s Wife, never made it to Broadway. It was the start of a difficult patch for the composer-lyricist, as none of the shows he wrote in the subsequent years gained significant traction on Broadway. Rags, Working, Children of Eden, and The Baker’s Wife, were, in the eyes of his critics, flops. 

“That was a new experience for me and it was extremely unpleasant. It was tough for me emotionally. That period took a while for me to recover from,” he tells me.

Does he wish the immense successes of Pippin and Godspell had come later in his career?

“I think I would have handled it better,” he says, “I cannot be sorry that at 23 years old, this show that I was involved with, Godspell, became a worldwide phenomenon, and it made me famous and it made me financially comfortable. I cannot regret that. What I can say is that having that kind of early success, rather extreme success, before I actually knew what I was doing and before I actually understood how showbusiness worked, created some psychological difficulties and some confusion for me.”

“I just was not emotionally or experientially equipped to deal with it, to know how to work with my collaborators, to be able to take ups and downs in stride…I just couldn’t do that when I was in my early 20s and all this was happening to me. And for me,” he says.

In the mid-90s, Schwartz’s career pivoted to Hollywood. He enjoyed a very fruitful partnership with composer Alan Menken, who, following the huge success of The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and Aladdin, sought Schwartz out to write lyrics for what would become the 1995 film Pocahontas. Finding success in doing so, he went on to write lyrics for The Hunchback of Notre Dame and The Prince of Egypt (for which he also composed the music).

It was the allure of adapting Gregory Maguire’s 1995 novel Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West that drew Schwartz back to Broadway. Maguire’s revisionist take on The Wizard of Oz gives the previously two-dimensional wicked witch a name – Elphaba – and a sympathetic backstory. 

“I heard the title and what the book was about and knew that it was something for me, because I just knew who [Elphaba] was,” he says.

Defying Gravity is the show’s most famous tune. The iconic ballad closes out the first half, when Elphaba realises she will never be seen as anything other than wicked. Flying off into an uncertain future, we see her take her first steps to becoming the Wicked Witch of the West. With its messages about empowerment, the song has become an anthem for anyone who has ever felt like they don’t belong. 

The song began life as five chords that Schwartz had scribbled on a piece of paper over a year before he began work on the song. Those same five chords can be heard at the beginning of the song. The chord progression evokes the idea of growing power, as Elphaba begins to embrace the gifts she’s been given. Listening to it, it gives the idea of something coming together, just out of reach. The effect is magical. 

But how did he achieve it?

“First of all it’s in D flat, which is, to me, the most powerful key on the piano,” he says. “[It] just has great resonance. It’s sort of my favourite key to write in when you really want to get an emotion.”

“There’s virtually no thirds in the chord, the only third that appears in that little sequence is in the bass,” he continues, “[a third in a chord] takes tension away because it identifies whether it’s a major or minor chord. It also has a more kind of complete sonority to it. So, a lot of times I write without thirds or I stick them in the bass. It gives it a kind of power, at least to my ear.”

The show’s second act opens with Thank Goodness. We learn that, in the years that have passed, Elphaba has become the scapegoat for everything wrong in Oz, while Glinda has risen the ranks within Oz, now known as “Glinda the Good”. With a title, a place in government, and her soon-to-be husband, Glinda claims that she “couldn’t be happier.” And yet, something isn’t right. It’s a moment of realisation, as Glinda discovers that happiness isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Her sense of discomfort is expertly conveyed through Schwartz’s music. 

“It’s a song I am very proud of,” Schwartz says, “what it does for the character, the use of subtext, the way the music works in it. There are just things about it that I feel were me operating at pretty much the top of my game.”

“It’s not in a regular rhythm or regular time signature,” he explains, “[Thank Goodness] has shifting time signatures so it flows much more conversationally. It also has more insecurity, you can’t really tap your foot to it. It’s a song that’s musically happening moment to moment, which I think supports what is happening with the character. She’s making discoveries about herself as she sings the song.”

He cites lyricist Tim Rice as a great influence, particularly his song Another Suitcase in Another Hall from the 1978 hit musical Evita. In the song, Perón’s mistress, having been fired by the titular Evita, laments her circumstances and the uncertain future that awaits her.

“[Rice] will have a character sing something, and then the character will hear what he or she has just sung, and comment on it,” he says. 

“Call in three months’ time and I’ll be fine I know,” the mistress sings, “Or maybe not that fine, but I’ll survive anyhow.”

We see this in Thank Goodness. Glinda tells the audience that “she couldn’t be happier/ Simply couldn’t be happier”, before correcting herself: “well…not ‘simply’”.

Thank Goodness also gives the audience a gorgeous, and rare, belt from Glinda. In the song, Schwartz cracks open her polished exterior, allowing the audience a glimpse into the woman behind the public figure. It’s a nuanced and subtle moment in a show known for its spectacle.

Defying Gravity, with its spectacle, rousing war cry and dangerously high belts, and Thank Goodness, taking a more philosophical and deeper approach, feel like they belong on completely different ends of the musical theatre canon. Does the writing process behind these two very different types of songs differ?

“No, the writing process isn’t different, but I’m aware of the storytelling responsibility [in both cases].”

[Defying Gravity] needs to have a certain effect to deliver what the show needs, what the energy of the show needs, what the audience investment in the show needs. There are other places where the job is to be more thoughtful and have more nuance and more depth because the show needs that as well. I don’t really have a preference for one over the other. Maybe as a writer I have a little bit more affection for songs like I’m Not That Girl or Thank Goodness, which have more nuance and subtlety maybe. There’s an overall job in creating the score that you have to deliver both these elements.”

When Wicked first opened on Broadway it took the world by storm, grossing more than $56 million in its first year. The show itself is outstanding, but I can’t help but wonder what made it fare so much better than Schwartz’s other creations? What made Wicked different?

“There’s a difference between a show that’s a hit and a show that becomes a phenomenon,” he tells me, “That has to do with things outside the show itself. It has to do with what’s going on in the zeitgeist. Wicked came along at a time when the idea of female empowerment was just coming to the fore in our culture.”

Schwartz also believes its success stems from the kind of love story Wicked told.

“It came at a time when our culture was looking for that kind of story. There have been all these bromances for years, and then suddenly here was this story about this relationship between two women.”

Despite its huge box office success, like many a Schwartz show before it, reviews for Wicked were mixed when the show came out in 2003. The show would go on to lose the Tony Award for Best Musical to Avenue Q the following year. 

“I’m never going to get the reviews that Stephen Sondheim gets or Lin-Manuel Miranda. For whatever reason that’s my fate,” Schwartz tells me, “and that’s OK. In the end, it hasn’t mattered.”

It certainly hasn’t mattered to his audiences. Even his less successful shows have found their following. In fact, I wonder if our appreciation of Schwartz’s shows has something to do with their often lukewarm critical reception. We too, perhaps, love the story of an underdog. 

As our conversation draws to a close, I ask Schwartz how it felt to return to Broadway, triumphant, all those years later.

“It was a nice feeling because I feel I sort of left under a cloud, if you will, and returned with something that was so embraced. On the other hand, as you’ve pointed out, it’s not like I got such great reviews for it. In some ways, nothing really had changed, except that the show itself was so successful, but I had changed. I think really what happened was I just didn’t need that anymore. It didn’t matter to me that I was never going to be the critics’ darling that some of the writers were, and it didn’t really matter to me if there were people who weren’t ever going to like what I did, as long as there were enough people that the show itself could work. I think I got over the rest of that.”

His Defying Gravity moment?

He laughs.

“That’s exactly right,” he says. “It came at much too high a cost.”

Image credit: Pax Ahimsa Gethen / CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons

A Month of Reconnection: Ramadan Practices in a Post-COVID World

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When you ask a Muslim, or even a non-Muslim, the question: what is Ramadan? Almost always, the answer is a month of fasting, of abstaining from food and drink from sunrise to sunset. The follow up would be: “not even water?”

Indeed, fasting is the hallmark of Ramadan, the holiest month of the year for Muslims. Many wake up to eat suhoor, a meal before fajr, dawn, and break their fast with a meal known as iftar at sunset, often with dates and milk or water as exemplified by the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). As Ramadan follows the lunar calendar, the start of the month varies from year to year, dependent on the sighting of the moon. This also means that the hours which Muslims fast vary by the area they live in, which can range from 10 to 20 hours per day. Exemptions apply for those obliged to fast but are unable to, such as patients with long-term health conditions, menstruating and pregnant women, and children, who may make it up by charitable acts or fasting when they are able to do so.

But Ramadan is more than a month of abstention – it is a month of devotion, reconnection with the Divine and spiritual self-improvement. Linguistically, scholars have noted that the word Ramadan is derived from ‘ramadha’, which means ‘to burn’, symbolising the burning of our sins, where the act of fasting ‘burns’ and relinquishes them. Ramadan is also the month of the Qur’an as it is the month in which the Holy Scripture of Islam was revealed to the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), so Muslims commemorate this revelation through prayer, charity, and building a closer relationship with God.

Although worship is a personal matter, the Muslim is subjected to the shari’ah law, a set of Islamic laws that encompass the religious and the secular, and the public and the private aspects of Muslim life. Fard al-kifayah, the concept of communal obligation in Islam, includes performing ritualistic acts of worship such as congregational prayers. Tarawih prayers are congregational night prayers specifically performed during the month of Ramadan, but it is sunnah, i.e. not obligatory but highly encouraged as the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) had done so. Mosques around the world hold tarawih prayers every night and for many Muslims, from the religious to the not-so religious, going to these prayers with family holds not only spiritual but also cultural significance for them.

The ongoing COVID-19 pandemic over the last two years has put a hold on such communality. Lockdowns and restrictions have impacted the more cultural aspect of Ramadan festivities, from large family gatherings and reunions for iftar to the joy of visiting overand spending on delicious food and sweets at Ramadan bazaars. But more importantly, the cohesion of the Muslim community, the ummah, and the congregational aspect of worship has been threatened.

The shari’ah law, which governs religious practices, has had to adapt to state-enforced social isolation measures. Congregational prayers are performed with the opposite of such, as the imam, the leader of the prayer, stands at the forefront by himself, followed by the congregation standing in rows behind him: ankle-to-ankle, shoulder-to-shoulder. With the onset of the pandemic, religious authorities had to revise religious rulings, known as fatwas, to comply not only with social distancing measures but also the shari’ah.

For example, Friday prayers, which can only be prayed congregationally, were suspended for the first time in many countries across the world such as Malaysia, Pakistan, and Scotland, where religious authorities declared it permissible to be conducted at home. As restrictions slowly eased in mid-2020, the resumption of congregational prayers in mosques had to comply with government regulations to ensure the safety of the community. For example, in June 2020, the Islamic Religious Council of Singapore issued a fatwa which discussed how to perform congregational daily and Friday prayers, identified those excused from the obligation of Friday prayers and suggested how to accommodate more congregants given space limitations. These legal rulings on the rituals of worship were revised and interpreted to adapt to the restrictions of the pandemic, and it is this dynamism and flexibility of the Islamic law that has allowed it to maintain its relevance to Muslim life throughout history.

Lockdowns were also a threat to the cohesion of the Muslim community, as the closure of social spaces limited not only community worship, but also severed the ‘connection’ and human interaction within the wider community. Mosques, which in this modern day and age may seem as a mere physical space of worship, plays a central role in providing social, emotional, and even financial support. The loss of such spaces when the lockdowns in 2020 coincided with the holy month of Ramadan and the subsequent Eid celebrations, led to recreation of such experiences at home. According to a study by Laura Jones-Ahmed on ‘British Muslim Experiences of Ramadan in Lockdown’, many Muslims in Ramadan 2020 lamented the loss of the mosque and its community, often seen as interchangeable concepts, and its communal activities such as tarawih prayers and large iftars. This led to a focus towards the nuclear family instead, where many felt that the benefit of the pandemic was that praying together as a family had brought them closer. There was more time for spiritual practices together, as the isolation caused by the social restrictions encouraged reflection and enhanced their ability to connect with God during the blessed month of Ramadan.

With social distancing in place, religious institutions around the world also saw the need to move online to facilitate congregational worship and religious education. Muslims had to adapt to online worship, where the use of technology facilitated the livestreaming of Friday prayer sermons to a small socially-distanced congregation prayer on Facebook or Zoom. While religious practices had to be revised to adapt to technology, it was easier for religious education, an example being the halaqah religious study circles, to be held online. The impact of technology allowed Muslims to join across the world, facilitating the collective connection of the ummah, the Muslim community, and its spiritual revival during a time when it was most needed.

Fast forward to 2022: as COVID-19 restrictions are beginning to ease around the world today, it will be the first time since 2020 since Muslims have experienced a ‘normal’ Ramadan. From resumption of tarawih prayers outside the nuclear family and communal iftars at mosques to Ramadan bazaars and other cultural celebrations, the return to near normalcy of religious festivities and practices has garnered an emotional response from the Muslims – it is the community connection and the sense of solidarity that distinguishes this blessed month from the others. At the beginning of Ramadan this year, I noticed many Muslims on social media voicing their gratitude to be observing a ‘normal’ Ramadan, even those who do not consider themselves as particularly religious. The physical presence of the community that had been lost over the last two years has now returned – a joyous occasion for many. However, it is still a source of anxiety with most social-distancing measures being removed, and some may opt to pray at home to protect the more vulnerable members of their family.

As a third-year undergrad student here at Oxford, I had spent Ramadan 2020 online with the Oxford University Islamic Society, as I did not go back to my home in Malaysia. Iftars sessions were held on Zoom, allowing me to become acquainted with other Muslims around the city who were also going through Ramadan alone. Though Ramadan coincides with most of the Easter vacation this year, many students who are staying in Oxford over the holidays, including myself, are observing a ‘normal’ Ramadan with the wider Muslim community here in Oxford. For me, there is joy in breaking fast together every day at the Muslim Prayer Room at the Robert Hooke Building, followed by a much-needed cup of tea and catching-up with the other sisters before we wait for tarawih prayers. During previous Ramadans, my family and I would also go to our local mosque for iftars, and I am grateful to be able to carry on this tradition with the ISoc community here: and it feels like a home away from home. 

While Ramadan has been depicted in the media through the celebration of cultural festivities throughout the Muslim world, such as endless food bazaars and extravagant iftar tents in the UAE, it is important for Muslims to remember that gluttony and the overindulgence are counterproductive to the spirit of Ramadan, which emphasises increasing good actions and generosity through charity. Fasting isn’t just about hunger – the very act offers an opportunity to take pause and reflect in this fast-paced world by disconnecting from the vicissitudes of modern life. Fasting itself is a major act of ibadah, worship, as its physical discipline and voluntary deprivation allows us to be more conscious of God and His blessings, and our vulnerability and limitations.

Eid al-Fitr, the holiday after the end of Ramadan, is a time for celebration of their efforts in Ramadan. From attending the communal Eid prayer in the morning to spending time and feasting with loved ones and the community, the ways in which Muslims celebrate vary across cultures around the world. This year, Muslims are looking forward to being able to celebrate a ‘normal’ Eid after so long.

Worship, from the Islamic perspective, is not mere ritual, but penetrates into the heart of the human being and encompasses everything about one’s ultimate concern including beliefs, feelings and actions. While the COVID-19 pandemic may have pressed pause on the congregational aspect of Islamic religious practices over the last two years, the core essence of Islam holds steadfast in the journey towards the return to normality.

Image credit: Shahab Ghayoumi / CC BY 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons

Summer 2022 Trend Predictions

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Shoes – As someone who struggles to walk in anything with a smaller surface area than a block heel, I am pleased to report the continued seasonal popularity of the wedge heel! It may not always be Oxford-cobbled-street-friendly, but the wedge heel offers a timeless summer shoe that can be worn season after season. For those who are inclined toward second-hand clothes-buying, the 90s and noughties offer some fab strappy sandals in this style. The flatform sole will also appear in its summer sandal form, for a style more suited to city living and power walking to the Bod for an exam cram. 

Layering – We all know that, as much as we might wish differently, the British summer is notoriously unreliable in its weather offerings. Layering is the answer! Pick out your favourite cami top and layer it with a thin blouse for a weather-proof 2022 look. Indeed, our continued recourse to Y2K has given us office-chic looks (think button-up shirts worn in the office by a noughties Dad) which can be elevated by layering crop tops or crochet vests for a look warm enough to survive a surprise rain shower.  

Colour Palette – Vogue UK’s April issue predicts the continued prevalence of pastels in our summer wardrobes, but a look around Westgate’s high-street shops suggests summer will also continue to see a preoccupation with deep, bright colours. Influenced perhaps by media like Euphoria, and by the continued interest in bold dressing spawned by the pandemic, deep hot pinks and block cerulean hues are likely to continue their hold on summer 2022’s colour scheme. Mixed patterns and florals seem to be less popular than in some summer seasons, in favour of block ensembles in which cut-outs and asymmetry provide the visual complexity of the piece.

Stand-out Items – I do always talk about corsets – but corsets! With such a versatile possible range of nuance of style – from cropped, bright, boned corsets for nights out to patterned stays for those inclined toward cottage-core – corset-style tops will be a summer staple. The famous Miu Miu mini skirt also suggests a trend toward shorter bottoms which will be popular this summer, but additionally an increased interest in DIY-fashion type looks, with raw hems and exposed seams. Indeed, DIY looks may provide a lot of the stand-out items of our personal wardrobes this summer, with the interest in second-hand shopping throwing up strange and outstanding statement pieces to be worn throughout the warmer months.

Image Credit: Anna Roberts

The Afterlife of a Ballgown

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Balls! After two years of cancellations, postponements, and miscellaneous Covid-related havoc, ‘tis once more the season to dress up, dance the night away, and take the pictures your parents will love nearly as much as your matriculation shots. Obviously, the right outfit is essential – and finding one is easier than it has ever been. The shift in perspective within the last few years has been such that most ball committees now have some iteration of an Eco Rep – someone to try to minimise the negative environmental impact. Something they don’t have control over – and perhaps one of the most ecologically questionable aspects of a ball – is the outfits. The double-edged sword of suits is that, whilst having far less scope for creative expression than a gown (although, I am begging anyone planning on wearing one to try and think a little outside the black-and-white box), this makes them essentially re-wearable. The afterlife of a ballgown, though, is a bit trickier – so, because ball fashion itself is more diverse than it has ever been, and you ought not to buy a ball outfit based on sweeping generalisations – here is some advice on being a sustainably attired baller. More than pretty much anything else you might buy, a ballgown represents an odd intersection of disposability. It’s one of those things that is probably founded on a traditional assumption that if you were At Oxford, you’d most likely be able to afford a new gown for any such event, and likely also to dispose of it as soon as it had served its purpose. Finally, it’s also good to remember the entire life-cycle of the ballgown – so if possible, it’s good to start at the opposite end – by buying yours (if possible) second hand in the first place. Then, you can be entirely sure you aren’t putting money into the pockets of fast fashion companies (because, let’s face it, unless you are miraculously lucky enough to afford borderline bespoke, that’s what it likely will be), your dress will be somewhat unique, and you’ll be saving yourself money – wins all round. I know that the urge (if you can afford to indulge it) to buy a spanking-new outfit for The Big Oxford Ball is a powerful one – but, at the end of the day, is it really worth it for what is most likely a one-night outfit? Whilst it’s likely that if you bought it new, it was probably expensive enough for you to want to keep it around, The Ballgown is a garment you’re probably unlikely to consider re-wearing. Personally, I’m a big advocate for wearing what you want when you want (who’s stopping you from wearing it to your next formal hall?) – but that isn’t for everyone. But never fear – there are plenty of solutions. To assuage your one-and-done guilt, you might get on a site like Oxford’s very own ‘Let’s All Share Our Clothes’ Facebook group (I do hope you don’t need me to tell you what it does). Formal or ball-type dresses are one of the most common requests on there, and it can be a nice way to give your dress another lease of life, especially if you’re a finalist or otherwise unable to get out much. If you’re looking for a more direct return on your investment, you can, of course, sell the thing – sites like eBay and Vinted do an absolutely roaring trade in prom/ball dresses, precisely because of their mayfly lifespan. You might not make as much as you paid in the first place, but it’s another way of getting those warm environmentalist fuzzies – as well as a few quid for yourself. As life gradually creeps back towards a new normality, it’s important that we apply the environmental consciousness gained over hours of lockdown doomscrolling in all areas of our lives – and balls are an excellent place to start.

Image Credit: rawpixel.com / CC0 1.0 via Rawpixel

Oh Well! Park End to be renamed the “Boris Johnson Institution for Parties”

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Prime Minister Boris Johnson will be honoured in the way he deserves to be. One of Oxford’s leading nightclubs– ranking below just Bridge, Plush, The Bullingdon, O2 Academy, Anuba, and The Four Candles for quality and fun vibes– will see its biggest reform since owners promised to distribute covered plastic cups. The new Boris Johnson Institution for Parties will provide this new Gen Z population the nocturnal experience they so crave – Tik Tok songs on repeat, choreographed dance moves only policy, excessive “Woo-Woo”ing, and everyone will delightfully be asked to leave 3 hours before the club officially closes. 

The Boris Johnson Institution for Parties will be the home of breaking the law in Oxford. All students who attend the nightclub will automatically receive a US Green Card, and any non-oxford students trespassing the premises will instantly be deported. The “cheese floor” will now be known as the Liz Buss-a-Move room and the hip-hop room will now play the classical hits of Bach, Mozart and Beethoven. Jacob Rees Mug has been announced as the headline bouncer. 

It has also been confirmed that David Cameron will not be allowed anywhere near pigs within the establishment, and yes there will be pigs in the establishment.

The main opposition’s spokesperson told Oh Well! reporters the following: “Errrrrr… Yeah. It’s bad, I guess. Should we disagree with this? Ummmmm……. Not sure. Just got to go check some important future government things quickly.” 

The city’s two universities said that they don’t really care. 

Find Oh Well! or cartoons on the back page of Cherwell’s print edition.

As a Palestinian NUS delegate, I say that tolerance of antisemitism within our student spaces must end

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We cannot call ourselves anti-racists if we let ourselves compromise on the fight for any ethnic group. This was highlighted in a recent Cherwell article, which showed first-hand the vile antisemitism that exists within the NUS. As the National Union of Students, the job of the organisation is to represent and champion students across the country; however, it is clear is that it is failing in this task. Oxford SU must stand with all of the students it is supposed to represent, and as one of its NUS delegates, it is so disappointing to see our Student Union offer weak statements without consultating any of us delegates.

Antisemitism plagues every part of the NUS. Nowhere is this quite so obvious as in some of the statements and tweets made by the new President-elect of the NUS, Shaima Dallali. These clearly provocative tweets are masked as statements claiming to be in support of Palestine, but it is impossible to see how comments like “‘Khaybar Khaybar O Jews … Muhammad’s army will return”, in the knowledge that the Battle of Khaybar represented an invasion of Khaybar and a massacre of its native Jews, are supposed to advocate for human rights. As a Palestinian, I find it deeply offensive that support for Palestinian human rights is being used to mask blatant antisemitism.

The Oxford SU’s statement is yet another example of how antisemitism plagues our student structures. Jewish students at Oxford should feel safe and secure in the knowledge that their student body is supporting them wherever possible; however, our SU chose to argue that the issue of antisemitism “has been co-opted by the Government and media to further the culture war and silence those who are advocating for Palestinian rights”.

The conflation between the conflict in Israel-Palestine and British Jews must stop. Our Jewish students cannot be made to feel responsible for a conflict that is being waged thousands of miles away. They cannot be made to feel unsafe, as they are hounded and targeted at our university. Instead, we must listen to them and act on their concerns. The advocation of Palestinian rights and valid criticism of the Israeli government should never lead to or justify racism against Jewish students in Britain.

As an NUS delegate and a Palestinian, I feel very strongly about this. I have signed the letter written by the Union of Jewish Students to the Trustee Board of the NUS and included the concerns in my NUS report for the SU’s Student Council on the 26th of April, with the suggestion that the SU retract the previous statement and issue a new one which wholeheartedly supports our Jewish peers. I will be pushing for a motion to stand firmly against antisemitism and strongly in support of an investigation into antisemitism in the NUS.

I urge anyone reading to attend the ‘Campaign Against Antisemitism’ organised by the Oxford University Labour Club every term. The next talk will be in Michaelmas Term, and will provide information on what antisemitism looks like, how we can identify it, and how we can fight against it.

It is time to stand in full solidarity with Jewish students as we fight against all forms of prejudice and racism on campus and in the country. I urge my fellow friends and students not to stand by, but actively to call out antisemitism.

Photograph by Anas Dayeh

In conversation with Elaine Hsieh Chou

Disorientation – a state of mind or a play on words? It seems like both when 29-year-old PhD student Ingrid Yang’s academic and personal life are upended by her discovery that the Chinese American author, Xiao-Wen Chou, whose work is the subject of her dissertation and eight years of scholarship, is, in fact, the fabrication of a white man, John Smith. 

Over the course of Elaine Hsieh Chou’s stunning debut novel, Disorientation, the fabric of Ingrid’s life frays as the director of the East Asian Studies department and her dissertation supervisor, Michael Bartholomew, launches a defense campaign of Smith in the name of ‘free speech’, which is a thinly veiled call to arms for white supremacists. At the same time, Ingrid’s fiancée, Stephen, dismisses her concerns regarding his objectification and exotification of Asian women (both in his translation work and through his physical actions) as an overreaction. Ingrid, whose greatest excitement up to her discovery is a night of take-in with Stephen, finds herself sparking a – literally – heated debate (book burnings and student protests shake the university scene) when she questions who controls the narratives of our stories. Ingrid also develops a friendship with her former sworn enemy, the effortlessly cool and brilliant activist Vivian Vo, and engages in espionage with her friend Eunice Kim, all to expose the truth. 

Sayre’s Law postulates that academic disputes are bitter because the stakes are so low. Yet, in Disorientation, Elaine Hsieh Chou brings to the fore the complexity of issues gripping college campuses, with a pen as incisive as it is poignant. I spoke to Elaine Hsieh Chou about her recent book, her journey as an activist and her approach to write a satirical novel.

SR: In Paris you helped organized protests and rallies. How did your activism shape your approach to Disorientation?

Elaine Hsieh Chou: Before moving to Paris in 2014, I had never had any experience organizing or protesting. It was an entirely new world to me. Once I entered, I felt at a loss. Most people had already been doing this work and knew the language. In the novel, Vivian is the star activist of Barnes, and Ingrid tries to infiltrate [the POC caucus]. It was able to poke fun at my own [initial] experiences through Ingrid’s point of view; she navigates a space where she is both terrified that she might say the wrong thing and honored to be entrusted with the fight for people’s lives. Once I became familiar with organizing and read the literature and planned protests, there were moments where I also became more like Vivian, wanting to lecture other Asian Americans who I felt had to unpack their unconscious biases and examine their anti-Blackness.

In Disorientation, we see the paradox of Asian students being recruited for research in the East Asian Department in the name of inclusivity. For Ingrid, “writing her dissertation on Xiao-Wen Chou was like waking up in a doorless, windowless room without knowing how she’d gotten inside.” Does something as deceptively simple as selecting a dissertation topic convey where language and civilization studies are going wrong at academic institutions?

It comes down to feeling pigeonholed – the expectation that Asian American literature should look a certain way or address only a few tried and true topics because they sell is very real in both academia and the fiction world. Most East Asian departments in the US have been run and dominated by white professors and scholars. When you look at an English department, you don’t traditionally see as many POC running or dominating those departments. When I worked on Modernist literature for my PhD, the field was dominated by white scholars and professors. I felt like the odd one out. In undergrad, I remember classmates constantly being surprised that I was studying English – it was like they were questioning if I should be an expert in this language and literature because I’m Asian. Those feelings were percolating during the moment that Ingrid is coerced into writing her dissertation on a topic that she doesn’t want to study. 

Stephen takes liberties with the Japanese texts he translates. To what extent is language the conveyance of culture, and how does this impact who should be translating texts?

None of us are conduits of pure, unbiased information. We all come with specific perspectives and baggage and history. So, when a white translator approaches a language in which they have no stakes and which they were not raised speaking, they approach it from the outside-in. When we talk about wanting to control our narratives, it is not just writing the story, but how we present the actual culture from our native countries. There is a new wave of translation that views [the text] as a sort of historical reparations before it was very normal that your personal identity had nothing to do with the text you were translating. For example, Murakami’s stories were distorted by white translators who translated the Japanese into English according to what they believed white American audiences would find most titillating about Japanese culture. Those parts were emphasized, while other sections were left out. When I learned this, I thought that explains so much! These translators have immense power because they are responsible for how Japan is seen by Americans.

In the novel, Michael raises Roland Barthes’s argument on The Death of the Author as justification for the irrelevancy of whether Xiao-Wen Chou is Chinese American or a white man. Is reading a book without considering the context of its author shortsighted? 

I think that was something Barthes could get away with in the 60s. I find Deconstructionist readings to be directly antagonistic toward Postcolonial Studies. The latter say that there is no escaping the past because, literally, the past shaped the conditions we live in now and the people we are. Postcolonialism does not allow you to cut the threads of any cultural product, whereas Deconstruction and the New Criticism acted as if there was a purity or universalism to writing. Propagating that idea would relieve a lot of guilt and prevent people from recognizing that a text is informed by history or trauma or colonialism. [Critics like Barthes] erased all of that to argue, let’s just look at the sentences and grammar. However, the writing of those sentences and grammar does not exist in a vacuum. Barthes’s theories are convenient for the argument Michael makes because they are based on the idea that we do not live in a society informed by history. 

Disorientation seems the gradual unspooling of Ingrid Yang. She’s a high-strung woman at the beginning and, by the end, she’s attacking her supervisor on the floor of her Dissertation Defense. During her birthday party, Ingrid entertains the idea of throwing a tantrum – breaking something, slamming the door – but she keeps her urge to tear her world apart inside. Is making a physical or emotional mess a privilege?

It is absolutely a privilege to be able to make a scene. Marginalized people learn certain tactics of survival to move through the world, and I think one of them is holding rage in. Because there are repercussions if you show that rage: you could lose your job or be arrested. Some minorities even fear for their lives if they show that rage. For Ingrid, who suffers many microaggressions, not being able to express her rage takes the form of an internal deadening of the self. Ingrid, who has been so walked on her entire life, has internalized that she has to bear things – which is, of course, very problematic; when you bear something, you are not asking for accountability. Only when you speak up and demand recognition can any sort of accountability happen. 

At one point, Ingrid asks Stephen, “How do you know it’s really your choice to like something and not, I don’t know, someone telling you to like it?” When in the novel would you say Ingrid thinks and acts for herself? 

Ingrid contorts herself to do what she thinks Stephen wants or what he explicitly tells her to do. Then, when she’s around Vivian and the POC caucus, she contorts herself again in a different way. I think we first glimpse Ingrid’s body rebelling and saying no to Stephen in the scene after they come back from the County Fair and Stephen tries to massage her. Ingrid can’t articulate what she is thinking so her body responds first and says, Get off me! Do not touch me! She literally propels him across their bed. Then, of course, at the dissertation defense, Ingrid’s thoughts finally mirror the rage that she has been feeling.  

In the chapter “Hollywood,” Ingrid’s struggle to assimilate (despite being born and raised in America) deprives her of meaningful connections with both her immigrant parents and friends at school. This scene is juxtaposed with Ingrid’s discovery that Chou is John Smith. What relationship, if any, is there between her acts of performance and Smith’s?

It is all about power. What we call intracommunity violence is very different from violence that comes from outside of your community done by your oppressor. In a white supremacist society, a white man’s power is so skewed. The harm Smith does is irreparable. When the violence is lateral – for example, within the Taiwanese American community – it is very different because neither of you can truly oppress the other, but there is a lot of bringing in or shutting out. Within the Asian community, you’ll have conservatives like Timothy Liu, and then you’ll have radical activists like Vivian Vo. I think what you have is a lot of pain over why are we not seeing eye-to-eye? Do I disavow you completely? Do I take away your “Asian card” because you’re not representative of our community? I think the more honest thing is to consider that because someone exists, they are representative of the community, so why do they exist? What conditions have led them to exist? How do you bring someone in like Timothy who is actively hurting your community? At the end, Ingrid comes to see some of her past self in Timothy. It’s very easy to dismiss Timothy as despicable, but when Ingrid looks at him, she recognizes so much of his self-contorting in her past self when she was trying to fit in too. Is empathy the answer? Is open dialogue the answer? Or does it work best to set boundaries and cut people off? I don’t have the answers.

You note that in earlier drafts of the novel, the protagonist had two children and the narrative was first-person. Could you take me through the judgment calls that resulted in the current form of Disorientation we have now?   

A lot of failure. It’s hard to understand how you feel about something when you’re in the thick of it. In the first version, Ingrid is 49 and married to a congressman with two college-age children. I thought that was the novel I set out to write, that it was the final version. When I was writing it, I didn’t give myself a lot of room to question it because I had meticulously over-planned it. After finishing that draft, I was like, oh, I really hate this. For a while, I thought I had failed. I was like, well, I tried to write a novel and clearly, I don’t know how. But a few months after that, I got the idea to save Ingrid’s storyline and focus on her. I rewrote the story in the first person. I think that was necessary for me to get inside her head and simplify the novel’s main concerns. But similarly, when I finished that draft, something was missing. A lot of the problem was that Ingrid is quite clueless and, in the first person, we don’t have distance from her. I had to be able to show that Ingrid had things to learn. Again, I was disappointed, oh no, I have failed once more, and I just wrote 70,000 words! But it was necessary to write that draft before returning to the third person and finding the specific voice and narration that worked. 

Disorientation deals with difficult questions of identity and unearths some of the most twisted human compulsions. Yet, there are laugh-out-loud moments. What role does humor play in the novel?

I didn’t set out to write anything satirical or humorous, but I think it emerged as a coping mechanism for me to discuss situations and create characters that would otherwise be very triggering for me to spend a lot of time with – like Michael or Stephen. With humor, I could distance myself from those emotions and feel like I had more control and power. Writing is always hard, but it allows me to look forward to the process and think how can I make myself laugh rather than how can I get this published or how can I make it good? When you’re reading about dark [subject matters], humor makes it easier to swallow. On the other hand, when describing certain incidents and people, humor can highlight their darkness. 

When we meet Ingrid, she has incredibly low self-worth. As facts come to light that undermine her reality, we see her undergo painful dissociation rather than grapple with her desire for a different life. By the end of the novel, does Ingrid get what she wants?

I think so. What she wanted was freedom to no longer be trapped under the thumb of men like Michael or Stephen. She had these white men controlling her moves and an internalized sense of this is what I should be doing. Ingrid is forced into this box, and by the novel’s end, she’s out of the box. It doesn’t mean she knows what to do next. After being in the box for so long, Ingrid just wants to walk around, hang out with her parents, work at a minimum wage job where she doesn’t have to worry about being a brilliant researcher. A lot of pressure is taken off her shoulders by just doing her job. I wanted her to have the freedom to not know what she is doing next. And, of course, she’s planning her trip to South Korea and Taiwan with Eunice, which I love for her. 

In a recent essay in The Cut, you note horrific acts committed by white men against Asian women and a perverted worldview that many hold. You wrote down and kept track of their crimes “obliviated from society” to clarify your own reality. While Disorientation is a work of fiction, does it perhaps provide a more “real” portrayal of life than some may see in the real world?

The other day, a reader from the Bay Area wrote to me on Twitter, saying, “this is the most realistic thing I have read (possibly ever).” I felt so affirmed because the novel is billed as a satire – the word absurdist is used a lot in descriptions – but I made certain that the most outrageous events in the novel happened in real life. Even things I didn’t add to the endnotes like “The Sanctuary,” a safe space for white students, actually existed at a university in Michigan. Marginalized people are gaslit all the time – you’re inventing or exaggerating your pain, stop being so sensitive, stop being a victim – all these narratives try to get us to think our reality is imagined. It was important to me to show that the violence that Ingrid endures is all real and has historical precedent. Stephen and Michael treat her like an infantile, small East Asian woman based on centuries-old ideas of Asian women from Madame Chrysanthemum (turned into Madame Butterfly) to Mean Girls. It felt very affirming to have this reader say the story rang true to them because everything in the novel happened to me, or to my friends, or in the real world.

Which authors excite you right now?

My friend, Sabrina Imbler, has written an essay collection that I feel transforms the genre; they write about their life through sea creatures in How Far the Light Reaches from Little Brown coming out in December this year. I can’t wait for everyone to read it. Another friend, Ryan Lee Wong, who was my conversation partner for a virtual event, has written a novel, Which Side Are You On, that comes out from Catapult this October. It is about the Black and Asian community, and the difficulties that they have had to go through together. When Peter Liang, an Asian police officer, killed Akai Gurley, a Black man, in 2016, it sparked a lot of difficult conversations. I’m really excited for [Ryan’s] book to be out soon.

Puzzles Answers: TT22 Week 0

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Here are the answers for the week 0 edition of Trinity term 2022.

Medium Sudoku:

Hard Sudoku:

Cryptic Crossword:

Pencil Puzzle – Marupeke:

The answer for the Cherdle was SWIRL

There Ain’t No Party Like a Conservative Party!: Oxford, the Tories, and the preparation for life without consequences

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During a stint in the 1990s as editor of magazine the Spectator, Boris Johnson would claim that the modern ordinary British male was ‘useless’ – “if he is blue collar, he is likely to be drunk, criminal, aimless, feckless and hopeless”. The then-journalist was fresh from a degree largely spent violently drunk, destroying property, mass-vandalising and harassing staff, and a graduate post from which he had been fired for lying. Twenty years later, and after a process which I can only imagine consisted of tallying up the results of the Conservative cabinet’s chunder chart, checking Dominic Cummings’ BeReal, and trying to figure out which members of staff were beneath the big sunglasses and sombreros in the photo booth prints, the authorities investigating the Downing Street parties would hit Johnson, now Prime Minister, with a fixed-penalty fine for his participation in law-breaking lockdown parties. Following the 20 members of his staff who had received £50 fines the week before – an amount which would hit them especially hard after they had to pay for their own booze – Johnson and Chancellor Rishi Sunak would receive the fines as part of ongoing investigations by the Met Police into twelve separate get-togethers and parties across 2020 and 2021. Criminality, hopelessness, drunkenness – they all applied, but hey, nothing’s that serious when you’re wearing a suit.

For men like Johnson and Sunak, for whom dodging meaningful penalties began with carving the family crest into the Eton bunkbed, continued through Oxford, and then all the way to parliament, the fines they have now received amount to below petty change. The consequences faced by top politicians and civil servants partying in years when 170,000 people died of Covid-19 seem to vary from being extra nice to your wife that week, to having to cut down the ice budget next time. From the circle of public schoolboys defining their youth, to that exact same circle of public schoolboys defining the rest of their lives, the PM and Chancellor’s attitudes reflect the institutions which have prepared them for a life in which consequences and judgement is something reserved for the ‘blue collar’ worker Johnson was so frustrated by. Private school, Oxbridge – institutions which have failed to teach their wealthy students lessons in self-denial or responsibility – have facilitated a culture of self-indulgence and contempt for the rules which bind normal people, even if you’re the one making them.

To track the development of this decadence and corruption, let me take you back to their university days. Picture it. Oxford, 1980s. Starship tops the charts, mullets are in, meritocracy hasn’t been invented yet, life is sweet. It is especially sweet for students like MP son Bartholomew Smith, who a decade prior is found guilty of “dangerous driving causing death”, his fifth driving charge, after four people die in a three-car pile up he causes after driving intoxicated ‘at maniacal speed’ after a Bullingdon Club dinner – and who is given a fine and ten-year driving ban. This scene, where Boris Johnson first learns to see a fine as a sign of a night of jolly good fun, eagerly welcomes him and equally well-educated friends George Osbourne and David Cameron, who spend their university days at the same lavish, rowdy dinners which Smith had (allegedly) attended before orphaning the children of 31-year-old Peter Houseman. Various sources have testified to future members of various Conservative cabinets engaging in criminal behaviours, causing havoc, and solving potential issues with extensive family wealth. Former member of the club Radek Sikorski would recall shaking Johnson’s hand after returning to his room to find it trashed and vandalised, champagne sprayed across the walls. A similarly raucous scene would be described by a source for the Observer, who testified to a culture in the Bullingdon Club in the mid-1980s which “was to get extremely drunk and exert vandalism.” She would assert that Johnson was “one of the big beasts of the club. He was up for anything. They treated certain types of people with absolute disdain, and referred to them as ‘plebs’ or ‘grockles’, and the police were always called ‘plod’.” Her description of the messes the club left staff members to clean up – recalling one instance in particular in which every piece of furniture in a recently-refurbished room was smashed, liquid poured down the walls and the mess left in a pile in the centre of the room, prompting “the clerk of works looking at the mess in complete dismay” – is testament to a group for whom consequences were deemed impossible, and cleaning something that happened once you left the room.

So while other students were doing boring student-type things (Jo Johnson was publishing articles about marijuana, Jacob Rees-Mogg was writing articles about how gay people shouldn’t have rights) here were Boris Johnson and David Cameron, attending excursions to smash restaurant windows, breakfast events with hired prostitutes, and parties at which Ros Wynne Jos would describe “smashed up rooms, vomit-strewn carpets, turds in bathtubs, and other ‘hilarious’ japes involving other bodily fluids…someone had to clean all this up… long before the minimum wage.” Two of the future prime ministers, alongside various MPs, businessmen and civil servants, had spent university partying, drug-taking, smashing up furniture, spraying a tuition-fee’s worth of money across walls, destroying antiques, setting fires, making life hellish for staff and paying off any potential problems – in short, preparing themselves for a life devoted to public service. 

Let’s flash forward. It’s 2011, Katy Perry tops the charts, meritocracy is in (or at least Tony Blair has said he’s got it started, and we can believe him because he was very well-educated). David Cameron returns to the UK from an Italian holiday with his good friend from Bullingdon Club days Sebastian White to deal with the London Riots. And suddenly he’s not so keen on fines, or on allowances for the ‘youthful indiscretion’ which saw him engage in petty crime. No, the same man who had spent his university days in a cycle of criminality would now say that “these riots were not about government cuts… this was about behaviour. People showing indifference to right and wrong. People with a twisted moral code. People with a complete absence of self-restraint.” Funnily, the same man running from police after nights of smashing windows, gorging himself on attacking people’s livelihoods, and treating those he deemed beneath him as if their purpose in life was to clean up his mess, now preached ‘morality’, against those who lacked ‘self-restraint’. Breaking the law was suddenly not so cool; in fact, in David Cameron’s own words, this was now “Crime without punishment. Rights without responsibilities. Communities without control. Some of the worst aspects of human nature tolerated, indulged – sometimes even incentivised.” It is certainly a shame that nobody told Nicolas Robinson, 23, who was imprisoned for six months for stealing a £3.50 case of water, or the unnamed twelve-year-old given a six-month youth detention order for smashing a window (which he had done the previous year, at age eleven) that what they were doing was fine, they just had to do it in a £1,200 tailcoat. 2011 – coincidentally, the same year that Bullingdon-club member Nick Green would so seriously injure a fellow student that he had to be hospitalised, with no charge – would see over 2,000 people prosecuted for involvement in the riots. In 2012, the BBC reported an average sentence length for the riots of 16.8 months, with prison sentences overall totalling over 1,800 years. A 2011 interview with the Prime Minister questioning his behaviour during his university days in the context of this administration of ‘tough justice’ saw Cameron give the delightfully vague response that “we all did stupid things when we are young and we should learn the lessons.” Some, it seems, were to learn the lessons in prison, while others could reflect upon them fondly from an Italian yacht.

George Osbourne, another Bullingdon club member and Cameron’s chancellor (who was photographed in the early 2000s with his arm around escort Natalia Rowe and with speculated cocaine in front of him) would similarly bemoan the ‘moral collapse’ of rioters – the challenge for the government going forward was, he suggested, “dealing with people… helping them feel… that they know the difference between right and wrong,”. George had picked up morals from an early age from his baronet father and Eton education, but not everyone was so lucky. When Osbourne would be asked about the time he spent as a young person smashing up property with the Bullingdon club, his response was that when looking at old photos “you cringe a bit.” 

Flash forward again. Boris Johnson is in power, not quite ready to put his partying days behind him. Meritocracy is something Rishi Sunak is taking care of by making £100,000 donations to Winchester College. Since 2016, the Prime Minister has attended at least six meetings of the Leader’s Dining Club, in which members pay £50,000 to “receive regular private dinners, lunches and drinks receptions with the prime minister and other senior Tory figures”. In 2021 – having in 2013 described his Bullingdon days as a “truly shameful vignette of almost superhuman undergraduate arrogance, toffishness and twittishness” – Johnson shows how far he had left his university days behind by appointing former club member and university friend Ewen Fergusson to Whitehall’s independent sleaze watchdog. The City solicitor and participant in the infamous 1987 photograph (where he stood behind Johnson! Ha!) was selected in 2021 after the committee passed over 171 candidates. And while some might suggest that if they were looking for someone with a close personal history and extensive experience with sleaze and corruption, they had found the right man for the job, Fergusson’s ability to claim £240 for each day he worked on committee business was a reminder that hypocrisy never had, and never would mean anything to this circle.

And why should COVID put a stop to all of this fun? Here we come to the gatherings – presumably slightly tame affairs in comparison with the university days of many participants, but these were trying times. 2020 was a summer of wine, cheese and garden parties. First up, ITV would report 40 staff members attending a 20th May party which Johnson and his wife had attended – the defence: Johnson ‘categorically’ denied knowing about the event beforehand (they must’ve hid the piñata well) or receiving warnings that it breached the rules he set for the public (a stirring defence, if only he’d known someone who could tell him). Next, 19th June was Johnson’s 56th birthday, with 30 people alleged to have attended a party at Downing Steet at a time when social gatherings outside were limited to six people. At the party Johnson was presented with a Union Jack cake, in case you were worried he didn’t stand in solidarity with his country. Upon his dismissal, adviser Dominic Cummings would allege that a second, raucous party took place later that night in the PM’s Downing Street apartment, at a time of second lockdown when indoor gatherings were forbidden. And endless was the rest of the social events calendar for the Downing Street fraternity – November was a speech in a room of 50 people, December was indoor gatherings at party headquarters during the London Tier 3 ban, a Number 10 Christmas zoom quiz, a Cabinet Office staff social event (attended by senior civil servant Simon Case, initially tasked with investigating other party claims) and another gathering on the same day.

2021 was a tough year, with Boris Johnson trying to cope with the Partygate scandal, the extent of his own constant lying and story-changing, and presumably a big hangover at the same time. Having gone from telling MPs that “no rules were broken” to now stressing that people focus on Ukraine or the cost of living rather than worry about him being fined for attendance, the Prime Minister truly showed his background. This was a man who was used to throwing around hush money, who was used to letting other people clean up his mess, who was used to those he thought beneath him taking the blame for his own faults, who was used to breaking the law and laughing about it. The only part of Partygate which was new for Boris Johnson – not criminality, not lying, not failing at his job, not being fined an amount he could lose without batting an eye – was that there was a risk people might notice him doing what he had been doing since age 18.

Image Credit: David Sedlecký / CC BY-SA 4.0 via Wikimedia Commons