Sunday, April 20, 2025
Blog Page 601

BBC Three’s Fleabag

“I’d just like my tits to be that much bigger — does that make me a terrible feminist?”

Such forthright, fourth wall busting, hilarious, and conspiratorial asides make ‘Fleabag’ an inventive dark comic character study; the most talked about dramatic phenomenon for some time. A strong, intelligent woman, so much more than a 21st century Bridget Jones, where her motivation is to find inner peace rather than romantic love.

Fleabag is a smart, lovable mess. Vivacious yet broken, she is the creation of writer and actor Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Starting out as a 10-minute sketch, it evolved into a critically acclaimed one-woman show at the Edinburgh Fringe, transferred to London’s Soho Theatre where it was Olivier-nominated before being adapted for television. There is an array of brilliant supporting characters performed by a stellar cast including Oscar-winner Olivia Coleman (“She is not an evil stepmother, she’s just a c**t!”), Andrew Scott (Moriarty from ‘Sherlock’), Fiona Shaw (‘Killing Eve’) and Sian Clifford (“She’s uptight and beautiful and probably anorexic, but clothes look great on her, so… ”). Such sharp intake of breath comments by Fleabag are close to the wire but always delivered deadpan or with a conspiratorial smirk to the camera. Intelligence and irony underpin her asides, expressing thoughts we may not dare vocalise for fear of being a “bad feminist” or politically incorrect.

Fleabag’s external ‘togetherness’ in appearance with her cool clothes, great hair, perfect makeup, upper-middle-class family and London chic lifestyle attending art gallery openings and feminist lectures masks her chaotic life; the recent death of her mother, her drunken one night stands, and her dysfunctional family and relationships. The primary source of Fleabag’s damage, loneliness and self-destructive behaviour is her betrayal of her best friend Boo and intense guilt at having slept with her boyfriend resulting in her indicated suicide. Fleabag’s enthusiastic embracement of her sexuality, including multiple casual hookups, masturbation to BBC coverage of Barack Obama and sexting photos of her vagina, is done with such confidence, daring the audience to slut shame her. While sexually liberated and equal to men – being economically self-reliant, confident and actively pursuing sexual pleasure – the pathos of sex having had such catastrophic, destructive consequences is always present with regular flashbacks to Boo. Her pursuit of pleasure has caused ultimate pain.

Fleabag is rife with wonderful contradictions. Strong yet fragile, witty yet grief-stricken, a feminist who would happily give up 5 years of her life to have the perfect body, an atheist having a relationship with a sexy Catholic priest. She steals, swears, treats people badly, and has random sexual encounters. She is not one to sleepwalk her way through life but grabs it by the throat to experience every minute. She makes mistakes but knows herself and doesn’t give up even when, at her lowest, she says she just wants to cry all the time. “I have a horrible feeling I am a greedy, perverted, selfish, apathetic, cynical, depraved, morally bankrupt woman who can’t even call herself a feminist.” A complex creation – the audience never knows her real name – Fleabag is an immense, fun, lovable, chaotic, glorious character. A true individual and every-woman for our times. There is a little bit of Fleabag in all of us.

21 JCR Presidents sign open letter calling on university to revoke Sultan of Brunei’s honorary degree

A group of JCR Presidents and representatives have signed an open letter calling on the University to revoke the Sultan of Brunei’s honorary doctorate following the announcement of new laws making homosexuality punishable by stoning to death.

In the letter, the JCR Presidents write: “We the undersigned, are writing this letter, in conjunction with attempts from Oxford SU and a petition with support of over 57,000 individuals to express the view that the honorary degree in Civil Law awarded to the Sultan of Brunei in 1993 should be rescinded.

“The arguments for this are threefold and reflect the impact that his continued possession of this honour have. Firstly, on a university level, the University’s failure to oppose the developments in Brunei will be directly seen by its student body, particularly its LGBTQ+ community, as a refusal to acknowledge the horrific impact the new laws will have.

“Secondly, on a national level the University’s inability to call out oppression and violence will not go unnoticed by those who look to it as a forerunner in representing the values of tolerance and liberty – and damage to the University image will serve as a barrier to prospective students from diverse backgrounds.

“The third impact is international and relates to the ethos and teachings of all Oxford law degrees: For the University to stand by, and through its omissions, support these blatant violations of Human Rights and International law, is in no way acceptable.”

The letter further argued that: “The international prestige of Oxford University places it in a prime position to call out oppression in whatever form it takes.

“A collective of other institutions and individuals are already showing anger and disdain at the creation of these new laws. Both Kings College London and the University of Aberdeen are reviewing the honorary degrees held by the Sultan at their institutions.”

According to the letter, by refusing to revoke the honour “the University is supporting mass Human Rights violations, associating itself with the persecution of the LGBTQ+ community, and failing to take a necessary stand in solidarity with its students.”

It concluded that “As senior officers to the University, we ask that you do everything within your power to ensure the University rescinds the Sultan’s honorary degree. The eyes of the world, the eyes of the LGBTQ+ community suffering in Brunei, and the eyes of the students under your care are upon you.”

The letter was signed by JCR representatives from Corpus Christi, Jesus, Pembroke, Merton, Brasenose, St Edmund Hall, St Catherine’s, St Peter’s, Magdalen, Keble, University College, Somerville, Regents Park, Oriel, St John’s, Mansfield, Lincoln, Hertford, New, Christ Church, and St Anne’s. The full letter can be read here.

Speaking to Cherwell, Corpus Christi College JCR President Rhiannon Ogden-Jones said: “After hearing of the new laws in Brunei, I was upset. To then hear they were introduced by a man with an honorary law degree from Oxford, I was shocked. Oxford University is one of the international forerunners for Human Rights education, and this is reflected by the subject’s inclusion in the University’s Law degrees, including the Civil Law (BCL).

“Every part of the academic field of law is marked by the importance of Human Rights, which prevents horrific violations to individual integrity on an internationally endorsed scale.

“In failing to revoke the honorary BCL held by Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah, the University not only contradicts its position as a forerunner in Human Rights research, but also lends credibility to the violation of International Human Rights law. Even if the University were not involved, the reprehensible nature of the Human Rights violations would draw our condemnation, and we will not sit idly by as people suffer unimaginable abuses.”

Jesus College JCR President Ed Lawrence added that: An honorary degree isn’t anyone’s right – it’s a privilege granted by the University, and will be seen as a stamp of approval on the Sultan’s actions.

If an institution representing the height of intellectual thought has endorsed the Sultan’s academic merits, then what message does that send to those questioning his government’s decisions?

It’s hard to imagine what one would need to do to fall short of an honorary degree in an area of law, if introducing the stoning of gay people isn’t enough.

In 1985, the University refused to give an honorary degree to Margret Thatcher because of her cuts to higher education. It’s always hard to compare issues, but I think it’s fair to say Oxford’s LGBTQ+ community won’t be feeling highly valued if the Sultan gets to hold onto his.”

Despite a statement on Wednesday saying that it had not made any new decision regarding the Sultan’s honorary degree, the university has today announced that it will review it, following a petition signed by more than 56,000 people and calls by the Student Union for its revocation.

Pressure on the university reached a crescendo yesterday as both of Oxford’s MPs, Layla Moran and Anneliese Dodds, urged Oxford to revoke the degree. The MPs wrote “It is time to listen to your University community and your conscience.”

They continued: “It is not enough simply to pay lip service to advocating for LGBTQ+ rights. Refusal to rescind the honorary degree to many people implies a tacit endorsement of Brunei’s anti-LGBTQ+ stance and a failure to stand up for the rights of the international LGBTQ+ community.”

Speaking to presenter Nick Robinson on Radio 4’s Today programme, journalist and former Oxford student Owen Jones spoke in support of the petition: “Oxford University shouldn’t be handing out honorary degrees to despots and dictators anyway, but Oxford University now has to make a statement that gay lives matter by stripping this.

“There are other problems as well, for instance the fact that there’s huge amounts of money from the Saudi royal family, another regime which, of course, kills gay people. For the Ashmolean museum and Said business school – Saudi money ploughed in there.”

Robinson replied: “Which may be one reason they’re a little nervous.”

Jones argued that the University should go further than a review: “They need to make clear that they stand with gay people and that means they need to immediately rescind it. Aberdeen University have also given an honorary degree to the Sultan, and they’ve said they’re reviewing it. That’s not good enough either.

“There are lots of gay students from all over the world at Oxford University. They need to know that their university, which has huge international kudos, is prepared to make a statement, prepared to make a stand.”

The Sultan’s son and heir Haji Al-Muhtadee Billah graduated from Magdalen College in 1997.

The University has been contacted for comment.

Oxford announces review of Brunei Sultan’s honour after 56,000 sign petition

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Oxford University has announced that it will review its decision to grant an honorary degree to the Sultan of Brunei in light of new laws which will make homosexuality punishable by stoning to death.

The move comes in response to a global boycott campaign in response to the harsh new laws. The University was criticised this week for not immediately following the example of King’s College London and the University of Aberdeen in announcing a review.

A statement on Wednesday in which the University announced it had not made any new decision regarding the Sultan’s honorary degree provoked a backlash from students, activists and MPs.

More than 56,000 signed a petition calling for the University to rescind the degree, a call which was echoed by the Students Union.

Pressure on the University reached a crescendo yesterday as both of Oxford’s MPs, Layla Moran and Anneliese Dodds, urged Oxford to revoke the degree. The MPs wrote: “It is time to listen to your University community and your conscience.”

They continued: “It is not enough simply to pay lip service to advocating for LGBTQ+ rights. Refusal to rescind the honorary degree to many people implies a tacit endorsement of Brunei’s anti-LGBTQ+ stance and a failure to stand up for the rights of the international LGBTQ+ community.”

Speaking to presenter Nick Robinson on Radio 4’s Today programme, journalist and former Oxford student Owen Jones spoke in support of the petition: “Oxford University shouldn’t be handing out honorary degrees to despots and dictators anyway, but Oxford University now has to make a statement that gay lives matter by stripping this.

“There are other problems as well, for instance the fact that there’s huge amounts of money from the Saudi royal family, another regime which, of course, kills gay people. For the Ashmolean museum and Said business school – Saudi money ploughed in there.”

Robinson replied: “Which may be one reason they’re a little nervous.”

Jones argued that the University should go further than a review: “They need to make clear that they stand with gay people and that means they need to immediately rescind it. Aberdeen University have also given an honorary degree to the Sultan, and they’ve said they’re reviewing it. That’s not good enough either.

“There are lots of gay students from all over the world at Oxford University. They need to know that their university, which has huge international kudos, is prepared to make a statement, prepared to make a stand.”

The Sultan’s son and heir Haji Al-Muhtadee Billah graduated from Magdalen College in 1997.

The University has been contacted for comment.

Councillor outraged at ‘disgusting’ number of colleges not paying Oxford Living Wage

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Susan Brown, Leader of Oxford City Council, has said she will be writing to the wealthiest Oxford colleges after calling the number of colleges paying the Oxford Living Wage ‘disgusting’.

In the letters, Ms Brown will be asking the colleges whether they can pay the Oxford Living Wage to their lowest-earning staff.

The Oxford Living Wage scheme, run by the Council, has been set up to encourage companies to pay a fair wage that reflects costs of living in Oxford. It is set at 95% of the Living Wage in London. The rate was raised to £10.02 per hour on 1st April, to reflect a rise in the London Living Wage.

Currently no Oxford colleges are signed up to the Oxford Living Wage scheme. Of the PPHs, only two – Campion Hall and Blackfriars – are currently signed up to pay the rate, according to the council.

17 of Oxford’s 38 colleges and Oxford University are signed up to pay the Real Living Wage, according to the Living Wage Foundation. This is set at £9.00 per hour.

Earlier this week the Council flew the Oxford Living Wage flag for the first time to mark the increase in its minimum hourly pay rates to over £10.

As part of its commitment to promote and support the payment of the Oxford Living Wage, the Council is preparing to launch its own Oxford Living Wage accreditation scheme.

Mary Clarkson, executive board member for culture and the city centre, told the Oxford Mail: “I’m ashamed of my old college, St John’s. Next time they ask me for donations, I’ll tell them they’ll get no money from me until they pay the Oxford Living Wage.”

Oxford University has been contacted for comment.

Plush and Oxford LGBTQ+ Society announce joint funding campaign to improve wheelchair access

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The Plush Lounge has announced a crowdfunding campaign with OU LGBTQ+ Society to fund a chairlift for the club, to make it fully accessible for wheelchair users.

The campaign, launched on Indiegogo.com, is aiming to raise £10,000 to fund the construction and installation of the lift. It was launched after it became apparent that it would take the Plush Lounge at least a year to raise the necessary funds for the project.

The LGBTQ+ nightclub has been collaborating with the Oxford SU LGBTQ+ campaign and Oxford University LGBTQ+ society to improve accessibility in its new venue at Frewin Court.

Renovations have ensured that, once inside, Plush is 100% accessible. However, the entrance is still not accessible for wheelchair users, since the club is underground.

To encourage donations, Plush is offering PLUSH FOR ALL stash for those who donate.

It is also hoped that some college JCRs and MCRs will pass resolutions to contribute to the campaign.

In a statement, OU LGBTQ+ Society said: “The new venue is not currently 100% accessible. From the outset, Plush have been committed to changing this to continue being an LGBTQ+ space open to all. They have consulted with members of Society and Campaign, including our Disabilities Reps, and have already invested significant amounts into accessibility at the new venue.

“This includes: installing an easy access toilet, a ramp, and better breakout zones with quieter music and softer lighting than in the old venue. This addresses the needs of those with physical, sensory, cognitive, mental and developmental disabilities.

“The last piece in the puzzle is the installation of a chairlift for wheelchair users. After months of consultations, this is the solution that we have found that best marries user needs, feasibility and cost.

“This is where we need help from the wider community. Given Plush’s recent heavy investment in accessibility, in order to fund a chairlift, we’d have to wait for another year for them to raise the requisite funds.

“We want to make Plush accessible to wheelchair users as quickly as possible. That’s why we’ve collaborated with Plush on an Indiegogo campaign to raise the remaining funds needed to install the chair lift. They have already contributed a significant amount of money, as have the Oxford Union. We are looking to Oxford’s wider community to raise the rest of the money, and to make Plush accessible to all as soon as possible.

“With that in mind, we’ve set up an Indiegogo campaign where you can donate towards this project. We’ve also decided to offer exclusive “Plush For All” merchandise for those who donate, which we hope will raise the profile of this campaign and send a clear message that solidarity and accessibility are keystones of Oxford’s community.  

“If you can donate, please do. In particular, we would encourage LGBTQ+ allies and able-bodied people to support the campaign and stand in solidarity with us.”

On the crowdfunding campaign page, Quin, a Plush customer and wheelchair user, explains the impact of installing a chairlift: “Prior to its move, Plush was the only level-access club in Oxford, not to mention the only level-access queer venue in Oxford. LGBTQ+ people already struggle to find safe spaces, and adding disability to the mix makes this even harder; thankfully our new venue is more accessible than ever, once inside!

“Wheelchair users constantly have to ask “but is it accessible?” whenever invited out, and choose whether to be left out of the nightlife or risk injury trying to get into an inaccessible space, either by climbing, being carried or walking.

“Adding a stairlift to Plush’s new venue will mean no wheelchair user or ambulatory disabled person in Oxford has to sit out another night, or be hurt trying to get in.

“Inclusive spaces are invaluable to the queer community, and too often disabled people get left out of the equation. Not in Oxford.”

The Plush Lounge and Oxford SU LGBTQ+ campaign have been contacted for comment.

The campaign page can be found here.

Can you take the heat?

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Like a lot of people, the ages of eleven to eighteen were the height of my tear ducts’ careers. My best memories were laughing until I thought I would die whilst quietly drawing misshapen horses in German lessons with my best friend, and wiping my eyes with the cuff of my jumper watching my friend write ‘bum’ on the whiteboard afterschool.

However, I also spent a lot of my time crying about my work, myself, and life, fuelling my suspicion that the school could have saved a lot of money replacing the treated water supply with student tears. As teenagers often are, I was always overwhelmed with feeling.

Attending an all-girls grammar school in Essex where students were often surrounded by the pressure from high expectations of themselves, school, and home, these surges of teenage emotion were often too much to grapple with. Although I was privileged enough to attend a school that received more state funding than its neighbours, it still was not enough to uphold a visible and approachable pastoral system outside of the kindness and empathy of individual teachers.

The phenomenon of ever-receding academic goalposts blurred the line between ambition and toxicity – it went unquestioned that silver was just not good enough. This mode of thinking went for homework, test scores, appearance, weight, and personal qualities, which is why mental illness was pandemic – until coming to Oxford (which isn’t exactly a hotspot of mental wellness), I assumed that anxiety disorders were like the common cold.

This is not to say I think my school wanted us to achieve the title of the Unhappiest Women in Essex, because I knew everyone who worked there wanted nothing but the best for their students. However, to maintain the funding we had, it was crucial to uphold the stellar grades our school continued to achieve, and it’s hard to maintain that youth is about making mistakes whilst depending on a lack of them.

I can’t speak for other all-girls schools, but in my school self-doubt spread like the plague. Maybe it was partly because of the mutual admiration that normalised things which clearly weren’t normal. Comparison of school reports or how our kilts hung off our hips came so naturally that satisfaction was a shared indulgence. The well-meaning encouragement of ambition and self-improvement by the school often led to a more sinister culture of seeking achievement at the expense of mental and physical health. 

I fondly remember the word ‘resilience’ being promoted as a key constituent of our school’s learner profile. It became a sort of in-joke as an overly-exhausted panacea that lost its lustre by its third eponymous assembly, despite its undeniable importance in teaching us to pick ourselves up every time we tripped. It became a de-facto stand-in for tangible help, and there’s only so much a single word (however good) can do. 

Nevertheless, aside from periodical retreats to the toilets for a luxurious sob, I really did gain a lot from the all-girls school I went to. The knowledge that a lot were suffering from stress and emotional hardship instilled a sensitive awareness and care with which friends’ problems were approached – my school raised the kindest and most empathetic people I’ve ever met.

I’d also learnt the importance of finding comfort in trying situations, even if that meant bringing biscuits and cake to history revision sessions or, more clandestinely, watching figure skating on mute during biology lessons. One of the most important traits I gained from going to my school was an unbridled and unashamed passion for learning and participation, which was only encouraged by classmates and teachers. I suppose that’s a silver lining of the cloud of academic pressure – no one was scared of being judged for what they love. 

I don’t intend this to be a criticism of my school; in fact, I am very grateful I went there. The supportive environment, coupled with universal respect for hard-workers and extra-curricular hotshots meant that I could be as geekily enthusiastic about whatever took my fancy, without having to worry about whether it made me seem cool, clever or sexy. 

I certainly wouldn’t expect anyone to let me give them advice on educational administration, especially when it would come from a twenty-year-old who regularly has pick ‘n’ mix for breakfast. I also recognise that many of the problems I encountered were unique to my school. But whilst I’ve been left unconvinced by the grammar school system, I don’t think I’d want the end of all-girls schools. I owe them a lot for the intellectual confidence and a questioning attitude towards (male) authority that got me to where I am today. My school – with all its flaws – made me enthusiastic, thoughtful and kind, and I am happy with that. 

St Peter’s silences students after sexual misconduct impeachment attempt

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St Peter’s College has attempted to prevent students from disclosing the details of an attempt in Hilary term to impeach a senior JCR officer found by the college to have committed sexual misconduct.

In an email sent by the college on the 6th March, and seen exclusively by Cherwell, the college informed students that an impeachment motion was lodged by another student after the official was “found guilty, by college disciplinary proceedings, of sexual misconduct”.

A further email sent on the 8th March warns students that: “Any publication or further dissemination of any aspect of any statements [presented by the parties involved in the impeachment] will be subject to disciplinary proceedings by the college – with an expectation of severe sanction.”

In a later message circulated to the college’s students on the 9th March, the college’s Master elaborated that: “The College’s resultant view (having taken legal advice) is that the information these statements contain may be disclosed solely to members of the Colleges JCR.

The message further tells students: “these statements may not be used for any other purpose by any member of the JCR; nor may they be reproduced, circulated (or forwarded, either wholly or in part).

“Failure to comply with these restrictions would open the student so acting to severe disciplinary measures”.  

Cherwell understands that the impeachment motion was subsequently voted down by members of the JCR.

It is not known what legal advice the college received or what form the college’s threatened disciplinary measures would take.

In the college’s “Student Administrative Handbook” it claims that “Students are reminded that injudicious dealings with the national, local, and student press and media can result in libel action and may be subjected to disciplinary action by the College.”

St Peter’s College declined to comment. St Peter’s JCR was contacted for comment.  

New English language test launched by Oxford University Press

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The new test, called the Oxford Test of English, uses adaptive technology to test reading and listening. Test items change based on the candidate’s ability. The test is on demand and available 24/7.

The test provides certification at levels B2, B2, and A2. It is expected to be able to be used by younger learners by 2020.

Other new features include a speaking component, delivered online, which contains a broader range of speaking situations than other tests on the market.

Oxford University Press (OUP)’s English Language Teaching division manager Peter Marshall told The PIE News: “In a world where many universities and employers demand evidence of an applicant’s English language proficiency, learners need a cost-effective, fast way to certify their skills.

This is why the Oxford Test of English provides test results in only two weeks, at a more affordable price than many traditional proficiency tests.”

Marshall added that the test is “modular”, meaning that candidates can re-sit specific modules if necessary, rather than the whole test.

He stated: “The result is a test that assesses candidates based on their actual ability, not their assumed ability.”

OUP reported that a pilot of the test was carried out in Spain over a two-year period and is now recognised by the majority of Spanish universities.

Test centres in 12 countries are now launching it.

A round-up of spring 2019 beauty trends

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‘Florals? For Spring? Ground-breaking.’ (Opening a fashion article with that quote? Ground-breaking.) Except, Miranda Priestly’s eviscerating dismissal (coupled with a withering stare) is perhaps not quite right. Floral colours in spring can be pretty exciting if done differently, as Spring 2019’s makeup trends reveal. 

I know I’m not alone in having the sudden urge to run scantily clad around Port Meadow whenever the first signs of Spring begin to show. There’s something so exciting and refreshing to see some sunshine and blossom after a long, cold Hilary term. It’s no surprise then that unshakeable from spring makeup trends are soft, pastel florals; and whilst these colours are still cherished this season, they are also turned on their heads and amped up a little as evident through the top 5 makeup trends of Spring. 

  • Dewy skin

When perfected this doesn’t have to look like you’ve just emerged into Bridge smoking area following an enthusiastic boogie to ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’ somehow remixed with ‘Dance Wiv Me’ (God, I miss Bridge). The key is ensuring skin is cleansed, exfoliated and blotted beforehand, before applying a moisturiser or skin oil- Moroccanoil Treatment Light, for instance, is a lightweight, moderately priced option. Then, plenty of highlighter. I always find a liquid one has the most pay off, and adds to the dewy look, in a light colour like Nars Copacabana, in strategic areas of your face (ie: cheekbones, brow bones and cupid’s bow). Some pinky blush will also add to this youthful look. 

  • Metallic/glitter eyes/ lips

See, this is where the inversion of classic spring trends comes in. Nothing looks cooler this spring than contrasting a flowery dress and kitsch accessories with harsher, colder, metallic eyes (or lips!). This can be done to any level of extremity, from a dab of silver or gold in the corner of the eye, to full-on metallic pink lids and lips. One of the best mid-range product to try this on your lips is Too Faced’s Melted Matte-Tallic liquified lipsticks that come in 13 shades; their Magic Metal Transformer can even be applied on top of this to amp up the colour to holographic levels. For eyes, Stila has various liquid eyeshadow offerings to bring a harder, shinier element to your spring makeup, and any form of loose glitter can easily be applied anywhere (!) with enough Vaseline (!!!). 

  • Bright eyes

A bright pop of colour on the eyes adds an edgier look to your spring ensemble, especially when coupled with otherwise minimal makeup. Opt for bold, primary colours like reds, deep greens and blues; dark pinks are also allowed. Eyeshadows with high pigmentation levels are best to achieve this look, I find Sleek’s palettes offer a huge variety of colours with really good pay off, and usually for around a tenner. Make this look even punchier with a slick flick of liquid liner, black or neon colours would be my suggestion, with NYX offering some really cool liquid colours (from bright red ‘Fire’ to one called ‘Envy’, ooh!) for only £6.50.

  • Glossy eyes/ lips 

I think this is quite a 90s/00s trend because it almost invites you to use all those lipglosses you got free in Shout when you were ten. You can wear this look on either your eyes, or lips for a subtler approach, or both for a high impact look. What’s best is that it can be easily achieved by simply putting your eyeshadow colour of choice on and then glossing over it with lip balm or coconut oil. I recommend pinks, reds and oranges coupled with a berry or rose stain on the lips. Wear this around golden hour, catch the light and there’s a banging Instagram shot in that. 

  • Blush, lots of blush

Finally, for those days when you really don’t have time for any of the above because, let’s face it, you go to Oxford, blush is a great bet. Depending on your mood you could opt for a more out-there red, a peach or a pink. If the rest of your makeup is minimal to non-existent, you have a bit more license to go wild with a brighter colour. Be liberal in your application- it’s spring after all!! 

Manchester City or Liverpool – the impossible choice?

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Since Jose Mourinho was relieved of his duties on December 18th, it would be fair to say that life as a Manchester United fan hasn’t been all that bad. Admittedly, going out of the FA Cup to Wolves was frustrating and drawing PSG then Barcelona in the Champions League doesn’t feel very fair. But those concerns pale in comparison to the complete transformation that Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has brought about at the club. Attacking football, trust in youth, the provider of yet another famous European night, a staunch defender of his players, the ability to smile (Jose please take note), an understanding of the history of this great club – Ole seems to have it all.

However, there is something lurking in the background which is ever so slightly beginning to take the gloss off all that. The elephant in the room if you like. Whether United fans like it or not, as good as life under Solskjaer is, the Premier League champions this year will be either Manchester City or Liverpool.

For the vast majority of the season, I speak for most United fans when I say it was pretty simple really. We always wanted Liverpool to lose, and we wanted everyone else to win, to stop Liverpool from winning the league. There was no chance Liverpool could win the title. It took us decades to get where we are now: 20 triumphs to their 18. They could stay on 18 for eternity, thank you very much. The glee that a title would bring to their annoying fans (“It’s our year!”), the obsession the media would have with Klopp, the ex-Liverpool pundits plastered all over national television… it would have been impossible to comprehend. As far as United fans were concerned, anything was better than a first Liverpool title since 1990.

It became obvious fairly early on that the only alternative was City. While we took absolutely no pleasure in this, Pep’s men were our only hope of avoiding doomsday.

At this point in the season however, it’s not all that simple. Now, if City were to win the league title, it would almost certainly be one of at least three, if not four, trophies they would lift this season.

They’ve already won the League Cup, and one would assume that the FA Cup is a mere formality; Brighton in the semi-final this weekend, followed by Watford or Wolves in the Final (two solid teams but no match for City). Winning the league, therefore, would complete a domestic treble. While this treble wouldn’t quite match United’s 1999 one, it would firmly establish this City side as one of the greatest ever in English football.

The real fear, one United fans do not really speak of, is that the noisy neighbours will prevail in Europe as well. City are favourites to beat Spurs in their quarter-final clash, and would most likely win a two-legged tie against Ajax or Juventus, their potential semi-final opponents. Unquestionably, a Champions League Final against Barcelona (or maybe even Liverpool) would be the toughest test of them all, but City would hardly be the underdogs. Make no mistake, a quadruple for City is as horrifying as Jordan Henderson lifting the Premier League.

Some United fans berate those of us who even talk about it all. “Not our concern”, “focus on ourselves”, they say. Except, every time you look at the Premier League table, it is very hard to stop your eyes from drifting to the top, where City and Liverpool are miles ahead of anyone else.

The problem is that, to us, it doesn’t just read Manchester City and Liverpool. On one side, you see a team more than capable of winning the treble or quadruple, with the possibility of overshadowing United’s treble of 20 years ago. On the other side, you see a club which would parade the title like no other, a club with unbearable fans and ex-players, who would then move just one more title away from drawing level with United.

For us, life under Solskjaer has been brilliant. Just being in contention for the top four, with a Champions League run alongside, is a bonus.

But as Sunday 12th May creeps closer, the reality of City or Liverpool winning the league title looms larger. Thank god we have Brexit to distract us.