Monday 6th October 2025
Blog Page 772

Six colleges pushed for controversial pension reform

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Six Oxford colleges helped justify controversial pension reforms through their responses to a Universities UK (UUK) survey, according to leaked documents seen by Cherwell.

The survey was used to account for changes to the pension fund, citing that 42% of institutions, including the University itself and six of its colleges, wanted the scheme to have “less risk”.

The identities of the six colleges are not yet fully known. Only Hertford and Pembroke have revealed that they pressed for less risk, with pressure mounting on the ten Oxford colleges who have not yet responded to information requests to be transparent.

The previously confidential minutes of an October meeting of the Oxford Estate Bursars’ Committee were leaked to Michael Otsuka, a London School of Economics professor who has spoken out about Oxbridge colleges’ role in pushing for changes to the Universities Superannuation Scheme (USS).

It was already known, from analysis of documents and UUK statements, that around a third of the 42 per cent of institutions cited as wanting “less risk” were Oxbridge colleges – amounting to approximately sixteen colleges.

This was in addition to a response from Oxford University as a whole, though this stance was reversed earlier this month after pressure from academics.

It was assumed that the Oxbridge respondents were dominated by Cambridge colleges, as Hertford and Pembroke were the only Oxford institutions understood to have responded this way. This is in contrast to nine known Cambridge colleges.

However, the leaked minutes reveal that the committee was aware of seven Oxford colleges who submitted responses to the UUK survey, six of which pushed for a move away from a defined benefit (DB) system to the defined contribution (DC) scheme.

The change has provoked widespread industrial action among university staff across the country. Defined benefit schemes offer a minimum guaranteed retirement income, while defined contribution systems depend on returns from stock market investments.

Cherwell has contacted every college for their response to the UUK survey, as well as their current position on the pension dispute.

This is alongside separate information requests made by members of the Oxford UCU branch and Dr Neil Davies, a research fellow at the University of Bristol who sent Freedom of Information (FOI) requests to each Oxbridge college.

Hertford were the first college to reveal they pressed for “less risk” last year. Since then, the college has reversed this position.

In an official statement, Hertford said this action was made “following a Governing Body review of the USS negotiations process to date, which identified concerns with the manner in which UUK have interpreted survey submissions and the lack of response to requests made for additional data. It considers that these failings undermine the validity and usefulness of the survey’s conclusions.”

This week, Pembroke responded to a Cherwell FOI request for their response to the survey. This revealed striking similarities between the college’s response and that of the University, with several answers being almost word-for-word the same.

According to the University’s website, Pembroke’s bursar, John Church, was also a member of Oxford’s “USS review working group”.

The college deny there was any “behind closed doors deal”, with a spokesperson telling Cherwell: “The view that the College arrived at in response to the 2017 UUK survey of employers on USS was in line with that of the University, and our submission reflects this. 

“Pembroke’s statement of 15th March reflects our ongoing concern, as an employer, to see a sustainable and fair solution that ensures that we can continue to fulfil our core purpose, namely education and research, and that supports the long term health of the academic profession.”

Besides Hertford and Pembroke, it is not yet known who the other colleges referred to in the leaked minutes are. However, it is believed they are made up of the colleges who have not yet responded to information requests on their survey responses.

These currently stand as All Souls, Brasenose, Christ Church, Harris Manchester, Keble, Kellogg, Magdalen, St Catherine’s, St Peter’s, and Trinity.

Most colleges have revealed that they did not respond to the survey, and several have expressed their support for the continuation of a defined benefits scheme.

Queen’s College have been the most vocal in their opposition to the reforms. They were the only Oxford college to respond to the survey and not press for less risk.

This week the College released a statement slamming the proposed agreement made between UUK and UCU during arbitration talks, which was later rejected by union branches across including Oxford.  

The college labelled the proposal “problematic”, before describing any agreement made under the constraints of the 2017 valuation of the scheme as “akin to a rearrangement of deck-chairs on the Titanic”.

They concluded that their “overriding concern is simply for the recruitment and retention of academics, given the long-term weakening of remuneration in the higher education sector.

“We remain profoundly worried about the waning attraction of an academic career for those beginning, or yet to begin, their working lives.”

Last week, Council sent an email out to University staff revealing it had reversed a decision to exclude USS members from the membership of the University’s Pensions Working Group.

They said: “In setting up the Committee, Personnel Committee and Council were guided by concerns about conflict of interest and so the Working Group’s membership was skewed away from those who were current members of the USS scheme.

“Council now considers those legitmate concerns are overridden by the need to take full account of the interests of members of the scheme.”

In its response to the survey, Pembroke also expressed concerns about the conflict of interest of having USS members input their opinions into the decision-making process. They concluded to address these issues “by seeking guidance from those members of the Governing Body who have no such conflict of interest.”

Honorary Secretary of Oxford UCU, Peter Hill, told Cherwell: “We are disappointed that it appears University senior management and college bursars worked in concert to skew the outcome of the September survey in favour of de-risking. This led to the proposed changes to USS and thus directly to the industrial action and the disruption it caused.

“We need far more transparency at the University: University Council and colleges should now make clear what the various Oxford responses to this survey were. Many colleagues at other institutions are rightly outraged at Oxbridge unfairly skewing the results, and then being secretive about their responses.

“The University’s position and that of many colleges have now changed, since Congregation in 8th week and various Governing Body meetings. We hope that Council will ensure that this mandate is upheld and a position in favour of retaining USS and accepting higher risk is maintained.

“We feel more robust and transparent procedures for oversight of the decisions of senior managers (and college bursars) should be put in place, to ensure members of Congregation and colleges are adequately consulted on decisions being taken in their name.”

Oxford University have not responded to a request for comment.

Martin Scorsese and Mary Beard to receive honorary degrees

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Martin Scorsese and Mary Beard are among the seven prominent individuals to be Oxford’s honorary degree recipients this year.

Degrees will also be awarded to Sir Matthew Bourne, Lord David Neuberger, Professor Helga Nowotny, Professor Robert Putnam, and Lord Nicholas Stern.

The annual ceremony, which is known as Encaenia, will take place later this year on Wednesday 20th June.

Professor Mary Beard is Professor of Classics at Cambridge University and a Fellow of Newnham College. Her work has been much praised in both academic and popular circles, and she is widely celebrated for bringing Classics to a wider audience through her TV appearances and social media presence.

Martin Scorsese is an American filmmaker, whose works include Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, and Goodfellas. He has received numerous honours for his work, including lifetime achievement awards from the American Film Institute (1997) and the Director’s Guild of America (2002), as well as the 2007 Academy Awards for Best Director and Best Picture for The Departed.

Sir Matthew Bourne is a choreographer, and best-known for his all-male staging of Swan Lake.

Lord Neuberger is President of the Supreme Court of the United Kingdom.

Professor Nowotny, Professor Putnam, and Lord Stern are world-leading scholars in social science, social research, and economics respectively.

Last year, Cherwell revealed that the University had spent £37,701 on a single lunch for the Burmese leader Aung San Suu Kyi, after she collected her honorary degree in 2012.

However, the University said in September that it was not reconsidering their awarding of the degree in light of the expanding humanitarian crisis in Myanmar.

Honorary degrees have been awarded by the University of Oxford since 1478.

The great Magdalen bail

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As Cherwell readers and Oxfess enthusiasts will already know, plans for the 2019 Magdalen Commemoration Ball were recently dropped.

I’ve heard claims that this is yet more evidence that Oxford students are being overworked to the point that they can’t participate in extracurricular life the way they might want to.

Was there an eager flock of Magdalen students who, had they fewer deadlines to worry about, would have thrown themselves at the committee positions, ready to put on the party of the year?

Potentially.

I’m sure there can’t be many Oxford students who at some point, shackled to the desk by a problem sheet or an essay about freedom, couldn’t pursue some longed-for goal – even just standing outside Bridge until the early hours of Friday.

And we’re given all the more reason to regret this. We’re bombarded with information about why extracurriculars, as well as providing an excuse for yet another trip to Arzoo’s, are important for our welfare and for our career prospects. You should be playing sport, joining societies, acting in (and watching) plays, applying for JCR positions, and, if none of that’s to your fancy, at least writing Cherwell articles during the vac. Students not being able to immerse themselves in these sorts of activities is something the university should continually be looking at.

The argument for longer terms is one that, in my experience, few Oxford students dismiss.

Workload doubtlessly deters various applications for extracurricular roles, but, when it comes to the ball, could it be that the pressure of organising one night of celebration – with tickets often costing the same amount as a major summer festival – is also to blame for the lack of applications?

I don’t for a second believe that Magdalen students should be criticised like they have been online. In fact, along with the pressure of being on the committee, I think that sort of frenzied online criticism is symbolic of what deters some from applications to the ball committee.

Many Oxford students find time to take on big commitments – the number of active societies is testament to that. The lack of applications shows no one at Magdalen was willing to drop other commitments to take on these particularly big ones. This isn’t so surprising given the nature of the major committee positions.

The pressure attached to those positions is quite different from that associated with being president of a society or a JCR rep. Almost everybody who parts with £100 or £200 for a ball ticket expects it to be one of the best nights of their year and not to come away feeling like that money could have been better spent. If the ball doesn’t meet expectations, the ball committee takes the blame. They have only one chance to deliver. And nowadays, comments that would have taken place as behind-the-back murmurs can be transformed into a universally-accessible rant in minutes.

The anonymous complaints, many of which were considered unfair and inaccurate, which sprang up on Oxfeud and Oxfess about the organisation of the Worcester Commemoration Ball last year are an excellent demonstration of the pressure to deliver that ball organisers are under.

Anonymous students felt that they hadn’t got their money’s worth, with some calling for an apology from the committee. The organisation of other balls received criticism on the platforms, too. With some of those posts aimed directly at the ball committee, who doubtlessly worked extremely hard, it’s easy to see why a fresher might look to other extracurricular opportunities instead, with workloads making it necessary to prioritise one over another.

Granted, there are various benefits to being on the committee, such as the free tickets and CV enhancement, but other extracurricular positions in Oxford afford those opportunities, too. The people in those positions aren’t deemed to have done well or badly by the events of a few hours and aren’t likely to receive the same sort of criticism, either in the real world or from those masked by online anonymity.

Putting on a ball is a different task altogether from any other extracurricular undertaking; it’s a role in which your performance is judged according to the events of one night and one night only. The workload at Oxford means students have to prioritise some commitments over others.

When anything other than euphoric excellence at a ball is deemed to be substandard, and any criticism won’t be confined to a quiet corner of the common room, it’s no wonder Magdalen students thought twice before applying.

I Slept In These Clothes review – ‘comics to look out for’

Speaking to Chloe Jacobs (first year at Oriel) and Verity Babbs (second year at Wadham) briefly before their comedy show ‘I Slept in These Clothes’ began, both seemed justifiably nervous to stand up in front of a full and buzzing audience, but these nerves become untraceable when you see the two of them effortlessly master the stage in the upstairs room of the Wheatsheaf on Tuesday night of eighth week. Charmingly personal in a way that seduces you into feeling that you’re their closest friend, the two of them seem to be having a delightful laugh together – and you feel very lucky to be in on the joke.

Beginning with a stand-up set from Chloe, in which she reads out, with irresistible and meticulous wit, a fanfiction she wrote aged eleven, the show progresses promisingly onto a whip-smart improv section and a superbly absurd set of comedy sketches from Verity – which include anything from bagel-lenses at the opticians, to (fake) bank cheques prizes for an audience-participation game of  ‘A, B, or Guatemala’. Beyond being comics who work masterfully with nothing more than their own voice (Chloe’s opening stand-up set particularly springs to mind), they utilise voiceovers, music, and props innovatively – though there was sometimes the disappointment of not being able to see some of these if they were held down low.

Perhaps, what they utilise most effectively is each other. Verity’s animated and wonderfully frenetic approach (she concludes each of her sketches with a ring of a bike horn, for example, which never fails to elicit laughs from the audience) works beautifully in tandem with Chloe’s often jaw-droppingly hilarious deadpan. They seem a well-found and well-fitted pair. For this reason, it was a slight shame to not have finished the show with something from the pair of them together, but this wish is only further testament to how expertly the two of them complement one another and, more generally, how their performance leaves you unavoidably wanting more.

Still, each of them works just as well as individuals as they do in a pair. The impact of Chloe’s stand-up set on the audience was positively tangible, no more evident than in the standing ovation she received as she walked off the stage to the sound of continued laughter as her audience began already to quote her content (the highlight of which was, in my opinion, her fantastic jokes about ice-skating). Chloe’s treatment of the audience is especially entertaining, responding intelligently and wittily to their initial reluctance to put themselves forward and get involved in the show, and gently mocking certain individuals for their supposed ‘misspent youth’ in skate-parks. Thus, Chloe manages to be both charmingly self-deprecating and wonderfully self-assured, possessing the rare and valuable ability to make a comedy show feel like a tipsy night-in with a group of friends.

Verity’s comedy sketches are a certain but welcome contrast, pulsing with a randomness that is dizzyingly entertaining, and her comment that “this show is going to be like being on drugs” likely rang true for many in the audience. The jokes seem to operate in a delightfully fantastical dimension of Verity’s own creation, and her bold wit radiates throughout as a result. In sketches packed with energy, absurdity, and animation (Verity’s effective use of voice-over in her sketch about mindfulness being especially worthy of note), she takes the audience on a ride which leaves its participants with no certain idea of where it is going but which derives its giddy thrill from just this.

A show well-worth watching, ‘I Slept in These Clothes’ is a superb exhibition of each comic’s expert ease on stage and in comedy. Whether it’s listening to a bit of (surprisingly quite impressive) erotic fan-fiction from Chloe’s childhood self, or watching Verity pour water over herself in an uncanny imitation of a kitchen-sink, these two prove themselves to be comics to look out for.

Oxford ranks sixth best for ‘student experience’

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Oxford has risen one place to sixth in the annual Times Higher Education Student Experience Survey.

The survey’s results come from the responses of 20,251 undergraduates, who were asked to describe how their university contributed to a positive or negative experience on a sliding scale in seven main categories.

Oxford fared best in the ‘academic experience’ category, coming second to Harper Adams University.

It did surprisingly well – ranking 11th – in the ‘student social life’ field, and was 12th-best for student welfare.

However, the University ranked as low as 24th for student security, and 27th for its facilities.

For the fifth time since 2009, the University of Loughborough came top of the rankings.

The University of Cambridge ranked above Oxford in just two of the survey’s categories: industry connections, and accommodation.

A more detailed breakdown revealed that only Imperial College London students think their workload is less ‘fair’ than their Oxford counterparts.

The project’s editor, Sara Custer, told Cherwell: “Oxford has continued to receive high marks for academic experience. It was rated the best university for the quality of its staff, how helpful the staff is, and for small group tuition. This is on the back of its consistently high scores in this composite going back almost ten years.

“This year the university also sits in the top 20 for societal experience, student welfare, industry connections and recommendations, showing students really feel they are getting a well-rounded experience from their time at the University.

“If we look at our three-year average score date since 2009, Oxford has shown increases in its average scores for industry connections, which is a notable improvement considering the public debate around higher education’s link with graduate employability. Providing undergraduates with those vital connections that will set them on a career path once they graduate is increasingly crucial to the perception of a good value degree.”

Times Higher Education editor John Gill said that understanding the student experience “has never been more important to universities.”

“[They] are competing with one another to a far greater extent than they once did.

“That competition plays out in the academic experience, of course, but also the facilities and lifestyles on offer for those who choose to study at a particular institution.”

241 Oxford undergraduates were surveyed in the academic year 2016/17 for this set of results. 116 universities were included in the survey.

Oxford University and Oxford SU have been contacted for comment.

A Review of Reviewing: of Source-Texts and Slighting

One question that I have had to continuously grapple with during my tenure as Theatre Editor for Cherwell is “to what extent should criticism of the original text – over which a cast and crew have little real control – feature in a review?” So frequently have I left the theatre for a friend to say something to the effect of “good acting: shame about the script”, that I feel that the subject deserves greater consideration. As reviewers, is it our duty to stray towards criticising the source-text, the framework of the production? What, or who, is culpable for an outdated script dragging down an otherwise technically competent production?

Before we get properly dramatical, it is necessary to establish the concept of subjectivity. Everyone’s tastes are different. Some people will respond better to comedy than to tragedy, to musical theatre than to physical theatre – so there is no objectively ‘right’ way to review a play. Beyond that, each individual showing of a production is different (I refer to the beautiful opportunities for gaffs, cock-ups, corpsing, set malfunctions, and bad sound mixing: enough to make my reviewer-self swoon). As reviewers, we must also come to terms with the inevitability that we will not catch everything. This is perhaps especially pertinent in Oxford, where productions so often pose so many intellectually striking questions that the critic may be left feeling overwhelmed. Though we may feel like we have grasped the ineffable ‘point’ of a play, it is something else entirely to condense that into a set number of words. Critics, like actors, are only human.

Accepting subjectivity is important because the issue of whether to criticise a source-text or not essentially comes down to a personal, stylistic choice based on one’s experience with a play. Although I had been considering this topic for a long time prior to this, it was when I was writing my review of Rose and Fox Productions’ The History Boys that I could skirt around this issue no longer. The acting, on the whole, was solid; the staging, while simple, was effective at evoking that school-time nostalgia; yet I left the theatre feeling like I had not really enjoyed it as much as I should have, and, in the process of writing my review, I would have to itemise why. My revelation: that most of my gripes were with Alan Bennett himself, not with this cast and crew.

There! Have I not just admitted that this style of reviewing is too detached from what is actually up there on the stage? It is a bit more complicated than that. When the reviewer’s experience of a play is so bound up in its script, that alone justifies its inclusion in a review, regardless of who is responsible for it. When El Port writes in her Sweet Charity review that during “the number ‘Big Spender’ [she] felt very uncomfortable because it was like we were invited to objectify the actresses, and it didn’t feel ironic, or tongue in cheek”, she refers to euphemism and sexualisation explicit in the source-text. Its interpretation on the stage, though true to the script, directly affected El’s enjoyment of the show. When Alice Taylor says in her review of Revolt. She Said. Revolt Again, “Any criticism I could give of this play lies entirely in the text. Revolt has a constraining pace, logic, and at times slightly baffling moments”, she separates her criticism of the production from Alice Birch’s text, yet she nevertheless admits that it affected her experience of this specific play. Notice the reviewers’ uses of verbs like “feel” and the first-person “I”/“we”: the writers acknowledge their subjectivity because they realise that they are reviewing experiences, not merely plays. They are acutely aware of their duty to record their own response as it befell them on that night.

The question we are left with, then, is how does this work with the play formally? The ‘play’ is a unique medium in which text and physical movement combine; neither of these can exist in isolation and still be called a ‘play’. Nowadays, you can quite easily access, read, and study a script without seeing it performed. Likewise, you can enjoy a play that does not have a ‘script’ in the traditional sense of the word: improvised and devised theatre spring to mind. It just so happens that, with the way that theatre has evolved, we have come to treat the script and performance as separate entities. It is only when text is given context that we attach the term ‘play’: the performance of a script.

This leads to the idea of modification. Luckily for all creative minds out there, the theatrical text need not be a prescriptive form. Playwrights might include extensive glosses and stage directions to indicate their intentions, but the director can ultimately choose to ignore all of that. We acknowledge that Lucy Kirkwood’s Hedda exists in and of itself, because that is what we see performed: the trace of Ibsen’s original remains but is heavily modified. In my view, however, every performance of a play that has a physical script modifies ‘the original’ in some way, where ‘original’ can mean the very first performance of a play, or what critics may have deemed the most quintessential or contextually ‘faithful’ portrayal of that play. The act of performing a script is inevitably one of reinterpretation, a modification, because the Globe Theatre has turned you down and Laurence Olivier could not make it: the original conditions in which a play was performed can never be exactly replicated. Every director, every crew member, every actor, every movement, every line delivered, every subsequent night, has the potential to affect the character of a performance and contributes to the limitless number of ways a play can be performed. It is modifications like these, some deliberate, some noticeably spontaneous, perhaps unintentional additions on the night – an uneasy glance, a concerned tone, detached body language – that can make a text like Sweet Charity “ironic or tongue in cheek”. Directors and producers exhaustively emphasise the nuance of their vision because they are conscious of the way every element of a play interrelates to produce the drama the audience witnesses. Surely then, the duty of the critic is to comment on any of these elements, including the text, that they feel have a substantial impact on the production, in addition to all the things the director cannot foresee on the night and which become part of the viewer’s experience.

This may sound like a bunch of abstract, theoretical gobbledygook, and that is because it is. However, it is also an attempt to order my thought processes when reviewing such works. Perhaps an applied anecdote will help. Getting back to The History Boys, I recognised firstly that I did not enjoy the play even though others around me had (subjective experience). Then, in planning my review, I realised that the majority of my problems were explicit in the source-text: not the production company’s responsibility (source-text and performance as separate entities). I then realised that that did not matter a jot, because the script had affected my experience and the performance would not have existed without it (text and context). I then recognised that, if a group of people shows enough admiration of a writer’s work to perform it, they have also demonstrated an appreciation that makes them capable of engaging with, and interpreting, the script (potential for modification). What I witnessed on the night was a production using its Oxford context to make the play seem more relevant, but not using it to engage with the more outdated elements of the text, even though I know that the content of The History Boys would have resonated with at least a few of the cast members (subjectivity fused with modification). Therefore, I believe that criticising the source-text of play in a specific performance’s review is justifiable, if it impacts the viewer’s experience.

So, have I discovered some totalising solution, some golden template against which to police reviewing styles? Absolutely not. The beauty of criticism is much like the beauty of theatre: each performance is different. At the end of the day, it is your call what you want to highlight in your review, because your viewing experience is your own. For me, that has to be one of the most rewarding aspects of reviewing for Cherwell: being able to relate my opinions on a medium I love, while also having the potential to entertain and spark debate. If there is one thing I would like anyone to take away from this, it is the idea of theatre reviewing as experiential criticism of an artform that is especially context-sensitive. I only hope that the discussion resulting from this theorising, just as Izzy Troth said of the stage adaptation of The Kite Runner, has “a choreographed exuberance [my] prose cannot achieve”.

A separate paper deems feminist philosophy abnormal

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‘Let women make their own sandbox and play in it,’ Camille Paglia, in Free Women Free Men: Sex, Gender, Feminism, says with scathing irony. This soundbite forms part of her lengthy criticism of Women’s Studies, described in her book as ‘institutionalized sexism… a comfy, chummy morass of unchallenged groupthink.’ Effectively, she believes gendered academic disciplines are not only sheltered spaces lacking in intellectual rigour, but an easy way for university departments to fulfil faculty diversity quotas.

Harsh, you might think, and it is true that Paglia’s work is littered with deliberately provocative statements such as these. But with the news that Oxford’s Philosophy Faculty is to introduce a new undergraduate paper on feminist philosophy, her words seem more relevant than ever.

The paper is, of course, generally considered to be ‘a good thing’. Too often, these days, it seems that slapping the word ‘feminist’ in front of traditional academic disciplines – philosophy, history, literature – is thought a progressive move. Women are included in our subject now, they have their own paper! I would argue the exact opposite.

This isn’t to say that feminist philosophy isn’t important. In fact, it is essential. Traditionally – or at least for the 20 or so years in which it has been recognised in the mainstream – feminist philosophy is bipartite. Firstly, it applies philosophical concepts to feminism. Theories of causality, for example, are applied when considering the cause of female oppression, or existentialist theory is applied when examining women’s notions of existence and freedom. Secondly, it establishes a feminist critique of traditional philosophy and its bibliography, challenging the old white man and his profound philosophical truths, truths based almost entirely on male experience.

In the former, philosophy aids feminism, while in the latter, feminism aids philosophy. Yet the Faculty, rather than incorporating gender into the current papers, have decided to isolate it. The implications are many and damaging. Feminist philosophers are not part of ‘normal’ philosophy, it tells us. They focus on gender: their work isn’t universal, they form a narrow-minded subsection. Given that the wider feminist movement is still recovering from its unfair presentation as men-hating radicalism, this is a step in the wrong direction. Segregating feminist philosophy implies that gender should be considered only in a certain context. Is a feminist critical perspective of Aristotle, for example, only relevant when taking this paper? Even unintentionally, this is the message being sent.

And who will be the undergraduates that choose the paper? Faculty members stress that it is not just for female students, but it is a pipe dream to believe feminist philosophy will be picked up by anyone other than those already sensitized to and passionate about gender equality. I imagine a lecture theatre full of eager-eyed left-wing girls clutching a battered copy of the The Handmaid’s Tale, and this is not a criticism – I myself am one of these. It is a generalisation, but Paglia’s concept of the ‘unchallenged groupthink’ rings somewhat true. By allowing undergraduates to choose to consider gender, rather than it forming a basic part of their curriculum, the University will actually exclude those who most need to study it– those who feel sexism does not apply to them. The myth that feminism only helps women is once again institutionally perpetuated.

The point is, feminism is not a hat which you can take on and off– it is not a button to be pressed, a lever to be pulled, a temporary lens by which to view the world. Just like philosophy, feminism is fundamental and universal. It is insulting to treat it as just another way of looking at things.

 

Crazy bop at Exeter. But where were all the suckling pigs?

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Everyone knows that an Exeter bop is a byword for Dionysiac sex-fest, so Deans should sit well down and accept it. If Doris gets her knickers in a twist because she got assaulted by some rabid finalists, well, she shouldn’t have ventured into the Mating Dungeon in the first place. Clearly they should have seen it coming – without a bit of Satanic ritualism down in the chapel can things ever truly get poppin’? After all, everyone knows going to Hassan’s is a no go without the much needed hydrating swig from the ol’ ‘dirty chalice’ . Feeling a bit chilly? The customary Bacchaic dance around the ceremonial bonfire will warm those cockles before you saunter into the brisk dawn air. Don’t fancy the trip out? Don’t worry, you can have a munch on the suckling pig once Jimmy’s got his balls out of it.

Perhaps. Except that of course this particular bunch of ‘middle-class louts’ really aren’t living up to their Secret History/Riot Club reputation. The bop description of “anything but clothes” was quickly qualified by “but please no nakedness”. Ooh, sorry love. The fire alarm? Set off by a can of deodorant. That’s right. These pheromone-fuelled, devil-worshipping, fiends have basic levels of hygiene. There is something telling about how, given the junior dean rushed back into the building, the danger of an actual fire started by some loopy arsonist obviously didn’t even register. Furthermore, the fact that the word “brandished” managed to make its way into a news article is clearly testament to the fact that the college’s response to this ‘unacceptable behaviour’ was objectively laughable.

There is plenty of discussion about how Oxford’s coverage in the media has created a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy – that the more the media portray Oxford students as warped hedonists, the more ‘normal’ people are discouraged from applying. The rest of us, then, are left trying to emulate this ‘expected’ way of behaving, as if we all harboured some kind of primitive ideal of the ‘Oxford Student’ – perhaps some devastating combination of elitist sex pest and buff rower, that we were all desperately trying to live up to. Deep down, we obviously all want to be those naked Christ Church freshers. We all want our pink bellies splashed across the Sun.

Potentially there might be an element of truth in this. But I think a great deal of this reputation disseminated by the media comes from the college responses themselves. Pontificating to a group of drunken students, rather than giving them a hard talking-to the next day, is worthy of media attention. But not because of the students’ actions – because of the sheer thoughtlessness of staff. Yet not all readers, or all journalists, will wish to interpret it in this way. The fact that the chippy comment on the bottom of the news article – which was, not-so-subtly, poking some fun at Exeter’s deans – nevertheless rounded moralistically on the students, is symptomatic of how a college’s overreactions can serve to amplify the very image of Oxford students they ostensibly try to dispel.

There may be something wrong with bop behaviour here, just as St Hugh’s smoking ban may have been precipitated by real concern for staff and students. But it is the methods of correction that are incorrect – placing legislative bans and lecturing students as if they were children.

Don’t get me wrong. Oxford’s paternalism can be lovely. Going to clubs in freshers’ week under the care of seven sober second-years equipped with everything short of a register, gave much-appreciated further support in what was already a disorientating week for a provincial bumpkin. But part of becoming a functional adult is to recognise for ourselves what is acceptable and what isn’t. If colleges don’t give us the space to do that, we’ll continue to test the boundaries – and wait for the spank.

What’s cooler than Huel?

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For a substance that pitches itself as “the food of the future”, Huel, the ‘nutritionally complete powdered Human Fuel’, inspires an oddly palaeolithic kind of passion in its fans. In fairness, perhaps such primal dedication is not just unsurprising but necessary in a group of people who can voluntarily replace food — actual, chewable food, featuring a variety of tastes and textures — with an off-white sludge, usually in the name of ‘gains’.

Huel consists of oats, rice and pea proteins, sunflower, flaxseed, coconut triglycerides, and a ‘proprietary micronutrient blend’; forget bread, theoretically, man can indeed live on Huel alone. The question is, why would he ever want to?

This question was answered (without my ever having asked it) by a particularly enthusiastic advocate of Huel in college. The product’s FAQ sheet warns of the possibility of ‘irregular bowel movements’ when switching from a solid diet, but it fails to mention another highly inconvenient side effect: once Huel has entered the human body, it will indeed exit swiftly and uncontrollably, but in verbal as well as physical form. Perhaps this is unsurprising given that Huel is vegan. I thought I would escape the sales pitches, given that I have not taken part in organised exercise since 2015 and subsist exclusively on Pepperamis and fag ends picked out of the bins on Cornmarket, but no.

“One of the best things about Huel is that they send you a free Huel shirt with your order,” says Sauly Burtman, 20. (Names have been changed to preserve anonymity.) “Sadly, I can no longer wear my Huel shirt, as I got too big from drinking Huel and it doesn’t fit any more.” Mr Burtman provided not only this hard-hitting insight into the life of an alpha male, but also my first and hopefully last taste of the product. It looks like eraser crumbs blended into a mixture of wallpaper paste and curdled milk; your brain will expect it to smell like a photographic darkroom and cause hallucinations if huffed. As a result, its inoffensive, faintly oaty odour is somewhat off-putting because it seems so unlikely. The same goes for the flavour, which I would describe as ‘allegedly vanilla’ — just about recognisable, but doing something it wouldn’t want its family to find out about.

And yet apparently these attributes are outweighed by its convenience, futuristic appeal, and nutritional benefits. In a day and age of instant gratification, what could be better than a meal to which a time-pressed millennial can just add water? No one has the energy to cook after a long day at their latest unpaid internship. Burtman admits to having eaten it dry out of the bag when the walk from the bed to the faucet seemed just too overwhelming. It tastes “about 200 times better than a whey protein shake”, according to its dedicated forum on Reddit, and despite being a liquid it’s very filling- although arguably the same sensation could be achieved by drinking 600ml of unset paper maché and PVA glue.

Furthermore, the practical benefits of Huel, on an individual and a wider social scale, cannot be denied. The website points out that in the present day, “instead of eating only what we can find, we now eat what we want, when we want, with the only limiting factors being time and money… obesity, convenience food and tasty but nutritionally limited diets are commonplace.” Available from £1.33 per meal, Huel provides a level of healthy nutrition that would cost far more in both time and money if delivered in the ‘traditional’ form; the vegan ingredients also reduce its environmental impact.

Presently, nutritionally complete foods like Huel and its predecessor Soylent are mainly marketed to middle class, health or time conscious people in countries where conventional food is freely available. But an unnamed source in the medical field (also an avid Huel user) envisions the coming of ‘the Huel world order’, as the factors which make nutritionally complete powdered meals so appealing — lack of personal time and looming environmental and food crises — continue to impinge on society, and this kind of eating becomes the norm. ‘Foods’ such as Huel would thereby become not a choice but a necessity. The source conjured an image of a dystopian world where the 1% enjoy the privilege of chewing their meals, while the masses must be content with artificially-sweetened slurries; he also posited that a mind control agent could be added to Huel to cement the monopoly, but hopefully that’s still a few decades away. 

For now, though, it seems Huel is here to stay in the sweaty hands of young people across the western world, seeking to improve their health or time management. ‘Never done it but want to get into it,’ said one randomly selected but vaguely sporty student. “It tastes like ass”, said another, who nonetheless drinks it regularly. In the words of Outkast, “What’s cooler than Huel? Ice cold! Alright alright alright…”

At present, ‘nutritionally complete powdered food’ provides a valuable tool for weight loss or gain and a balanced diet on a budget, for those who choose to use it. Let’s just hope it remains a choice.

Oxford Men make surprise late change to Boat Race crew

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Oxford’s men’s rowers have made the unusual step of making a last-minute switch to their Boat Race crew.

Joshua Bugajski, who also rowed in Oxford’s 2016 defeat and 2017 victory, was replaced in the boat by Benedict Aldous despite recovering from an unspecified illness.

A statement from Oxford University Boat Club [OUBC] read: “Joshua [Bugajski] fell ill and during this time was replaced by Benedict [Aldous].

“The decision was made by the coach, Sean Bowden, to keep Benedict in the boat as it was performing well. Benedict will sit at 6 and Anders Weiss will move to 4.”

The move is surprising on multiple counts.

Firstly, it is unusual for a rower not to return to the boat after recovering from illness; and Bugajski will not even row for Oxford’s reserve boat.

Furthermore, it means that Oxford have lost their heaviest rower from a crew that was already 7lb per man lighter than Cambridge’s.

Finally, it has caused a reshuffle in seat positions. As confirmed by the OUBC statement, US Olympian Anders Weiss has moved to seat four, while Aldous returns to seat six.

Bugajski, who came seventh in a pair with GB and Brookes rower Matthew Tarrant at the GB Rowing 3rd Assessment in February, was reportedly set to join the senior national team at Caversham after the Boat Races.

Aldous, who was part of the winning Isis boat last year, rowed in the GB junior men’s eight at the Junior World Championships alongside Felix Drinkall, Oxford’s stroke.

He also competed at Munich International Junior Regatta in 2016 alongside both Drinkall and Freddie Davidson who is stroking the Cambridge crew this year.

Aldous, an engineering student, made national headlines last year when he was banned from JCR events at his college, Christ Church, after attending a ‘2016’-themed bop dressed as a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Oxford go into the men’s Boat Race as firm underdogs, with some bookmakers offering prices of 2/5 for a Cambridge victory.