Tuesday 7th October 2025
Blog Page 798

Booze cruise: ‘Ginuary’

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Are you doing Dry January? I’d hazard that, incompatible as it is with student life, there’s a good chance you’re not. I mean, term is only eight weeks long… Therefore, I challenge you to make a different alcohol resolution – indulge in Ginuary. No need to ditch the booze full stop and go crazy at the dissolving of your January need for health guilt, indulge in the art of sipping. Stray from the land of the VKs and own-brand vodka mixed with whatever you could find and be totally extra this Hilary.

So how does one make the most of Ginuary and learn a little mixology on the way? Hot gin is the beverage a la mode. I know – you’re hardly about to order yourself a mug in Wetherspoons, and normally I’d be dubious of anything straying from the refreshing goodness of my standard G&T, but hear me out – you can have the best of both worlds. Perhaps one of the greatest bene ts is that you literally can’t drink it too quickly unless you want a burnt tongue, you are forced to sip, to taste the drink in front of you.

If you’re a bitter humanities student, like me, your favourite will be the hot negroni. Combining Dry Gin, Campari, and Sweet Vermouth, with a hot red berry flavoured tea, you get all the comforts of a cosy night in with your friends, but the joy of, well, drinking. Fearing that it snows again (hands up if you feel personally victimised that it snowed out of term time!), maybe consider investing in a hip flask to stock up on a nice sloe gin – although, I should add, the hip flask is for the benefit of internal warmth when you’re out on cold nights, not necessarily day-drinking.

You may be reading this thinking, ‘seriously, Julia? I’m a student… with a maintenance loan! How am I meant to invest in luxury alcohol products to sip silently in my room?’ Well, I’m not saying it has to be a daily habit (in fact, please don’t make it a daily habit!), but consider skipping your twice-weekly Hassan’s (who am I kidding? It’s definitely more than that), or reminding yourself not to buy a round of drinks in the club (literally the worst idea ever). Get together with your crew for a night in, make a batch of warm gin, and enjoy the delight of sipping your way to a state of warm tipsiness. Drink up – Cheers!

@juliaisobela

Sinkhole on Broad Street

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Broad Street has been closed this week after a sinkhole opened outside out of the Weston Library. The sinkhole extended approximately a metre underground.

Students have voiced frustration at the disruption caused by the hole. It was meant to have been fixed by Wednesday afternoon. However, Thames Water has had to delay re-opening the road, citing the “complex” nature of the problem, given the historical significance of the area.

The sinkhole caused a water pipe under the road to burst. Due to the incident, parts of Turl Street have lost their access to cold water.

Exeter College has apologised to students for the inconvenience. A spokesperson for the college said: “Normal service should be resumed soon. You may have noticed that there is a loss of cold water in some areas of College. This is due to a burst water mains pipe in Broad St that is currently being repaired.

“Normal service should be resumed soon, in the meantime PLEASE make sure you turn off any taps that you may have turned on, to avoid the risk of flooding when the cold water service returns.”

A student at Exeter College said: “The difficulties of filling up my water bottle during my library breaks never cease – I’ve been forced to find ever more creative ways to parch my thirst.”

Christ Church students warned about nightclimbing

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Christ Church students have been issued with a safety warning after roof alarms were triggered by a night climbing incident. The Night Climbers of Oxford confirmed to Cherwell that two of their members scaled Christ Church last week, coinciding with the incident.

In an email circulated to Christ Church students, Professor Geraldine Johnson, the college’s junior censor, warned students to “make sure you don’t let anyone use your windows to access either the scaffolding or roof areas of the College.”

The climbers reportedly set off alarms on the scaffolding in Peckwater Quad, with students urged to prevent people from using windows to reach the college ramparts. The group boasted of how easily they could access the college’s heights.

They told Cherwell: “Christ Church is probably the easiest college to both climb and infiltrate, because there are just so many obscure entrances, especially around the Meadows.”

The night climbers have gained social media popularity with their posts on platforms such as OxFess.

However, the group have also expressed their political goals.

They said: “Night Climbing is a discipline which spans back here for many decades in Oxford.

“We first came to the attention of the public here in Oxford when we made several posts to anonymous online webpages.

“However, after reviewing these posts we saw them as quite arrogant. We felt it was best to apply our taste for political activism hand-in-hand with our climbs.

“Sometimes the best way to do that is to hang a massive banner right in front of your bedroom window.

“Most of our climbs are away from preying eyes and conducted in total secrecy.

“It’s only on a rare occasion that we decided to share something, and even then it’s to bring light to an important political issue.”

They added: “Getting in and out of college or town buildings isn’t as hard as it sounds. Where your average person might see a bog standard drain pipe, we view them as ladders. Where you see window ledges and door porches, we see make-shift hand holds. Walls aren’t viewed as obstacles, they’re viewed as entrances. What’s down becomes up, long becomes short, liquid becomes solid.”

Chloe Faulkner, a Christ Church student, told Cherwell: “My opinion is that the night climbers are just having a bit of fun. I love seeing their posts on Oxfess and it’s amazing seeing colleges from a completely different angle than we normally see them. As long as they’re being careful and not damaging anything I don’t see the problem.”

In a statement in response to the claims of the night climbers, Geraldine Johnson said: “We take the safety of students and staff at Christ Church very seriously.

“In light of recent incursions on temporary scaffolding and some roof areas of Christ Church, we have reviewed our security arrangements and, as appropriate, amended our
security measures.

“In particular, we have reminded our students via email of the dangers of accessing off-limit areas, especially at height.

“Ultimately, however, students are responsible for their own safety if they choose wilfully to trespass areas clearly marked as being off limits.”

People claiming to be the Night Climbers also posted a recent Oxfess with photographs that appeared to have been taken on the top of nearby college Corpus Christi.

The post read: “Dear Corpus Parkour Society, we invaded your home territory for a while, but we left you a present.”

Football Blues set to make Varsity history

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The men’s Varsity football match will be played as the first game in this year’s fixtures, Cherwell can reveal.

It will be the first time that the women’s match has formed the second half of a Varsity double-header in a major sport.

Cherwell can also reveal that the double-header will be played at Barnet’s The Hive stadium for a second year in a row.

“The decision to play the women’s game second was a joint decision with all four teams agreeing: alternating the order seemed the obviously fair way to run the event,” OUAFC said.

The move represents a first in Oxford sporting history.

The Varsity rugby matches have been played as a double-header since 2015, and the hockey matches have done so since 2002, but the women’s match has always been played as the earlier fixture. The same has been the case in the Boat Races since 2015.

But amid fears that fans have come to treat the women’s match as something of a ‘warm-up act’, OUAFC and CUAFC have decided to switch the order.

The clubs also held talks with Queens Park Rangers regarding the possibility of playing the games at Loftus Road, but decided upon a return to The Hive after these fell through.

Attendances for the women’s rugby fixture at Twickenham have been disappointing in the past three years, with fans coming in towards the end of that match, as was the case in the 2017 football matches.

Last year’s double-header – the first of its kind – was overshadowed by an off-pitch saga after a disagreement regarding venues.

While Oxford suggested that a double-header would give the women’s fixture the greatest possible exposure, Cambridge said that hosting the match at Cambridge United’s Abbey Stadium would be the better option.

Ultimately, a double-header was decided on, with the women’s match being played first.

In 2017, Oxford won both fixtures. Becca May’s hat-trick sealed a 3-1 win for the women, while an own goal and strikes from Dom Thelen and Joan Crespo secured a 3-2 win for the men.

Ticket sales were lower than expected for last year’s games, but after a substantial increase in the number of Oxford students attending the 1-0 win against Oxford Brookes last term, hopes are high for a better turnout in 2018.

Varsity football does not have a permanent home, with the fixture most commonly associated with Fulham’s Craven Cottage.

It was held at the old Wembley Stadium between 1953 and 1988 and has been played at many venues, such as Selhurst Park and Highbury.

Just one point currently separates the men’s teams in the Midlands 1A league, and the Dark Blues could seal the title in Cambridge on 21st February.

Cambridge’s women play in the division above Oxford, and sit in mid-table. Oxford are top, but second-placed Warwick have a game in hand and are a point behind.

The Varsity matches will be played on 25th March, two days before The Hive hosts an international friendly between Serbia and Nigeria.

SU priorities have to change

The news that Oxford University has spent over £300,000 on renovation of offices of the Oxford SU, previously OUSU, will come as no surprise to many given the recent overhaul of the Oxford SU brand.

The student union controversially spent almost £17,500 last year on a digital rebrand carried out by a London digital marketing agency, with Oxford SU Communications Coordinator Megan Mary Thomas telling Cherwell at the time that the decision to overhaul its logo and website was made as a response “to student feedback that the SU was not successfully representing its members interest.”

This highlights the real nub of the issue. In 2016 the newly branded Oxford SU held a dismal satisfaction rating of 34 per cent, the lowest in the country, although it’s worth observing that Cambridge’s equivalent, the CUSU, did not fare much better, with a mere 37 per cent of students expressing satisfaction with their union.

The Oxford SU has long stood as a byword within the University for inactivity and remoteness, only vaguely relevant to the day to day lives of students at the University.

The benefits of delegation of student union representation to individual college JCRs have been manifold: JCRs facilitate close-knit college communities, with committee members acting at a grassroots level to represent JCR members directly to staff.

The local scale of these organisations also allows for difference in method and constitution depending on the environment and personality of the college, which often varies considerably within the University. However, the inevitable trade-off has been what can be described as at best ambivalence, and at worst scornful scepticism directed towards the Oxford SU institution which seems so immutably detached from the vast majority of students.

We cannot blame the organisation for attempting to change this woeful situation. But I must question whether a revamped social media presence and move to stylish new headquarters at 4 Worcester Street, complete with £26,000 worth of new furniture, and recording equipment for online radio station Oxide, is the correct way to go about enacting real repair to the Oxford SU’s negligible relationship with the Oxford student body.

An Oxford SU spokesperson told Cherwell earlier this month: “The new space has increased the opportunity for students to use space that Oxford SU provides with more student meetings, campaigns and socials happening in the building over the last term”.

I am sceptical as to whether Oxford students feel the need for an additional meeting space, given the plethora of grazing ground we are offered by facilities such as college JCRs, the Radcliffe Camera, the Oxford Union, faculty libraries, and countless cafes throughout the city.

What is more positive, however, is that the same spokesman also informed Cherwell that the renovation will “increase space for the University’s Student Welfare and Support Services, which includes the counselling and disability advisory services.” One of the most valued commodities offered by Oxford SU is the University-wide counselling service, which has long been cripplingly oversubscribed and under-facilitated.

Any efforts which can be made to reduce the lamentably lengthy waiting list, and alleviate pressure off local NHS mental health services, will not be in vain. However, it is hard to view such seemingly unrestrained expenditure on interior decoration and a logo which former president of Oxford University Liberal Democrats, Harry Samuels, remarked in the summer “could have [been] done in five minutes on any decent graphics software”, as anything more than an outrageous vanity project.

The Oxford SU must devote more time and money to staff, in particular recruitment and training of valuable counsellors to alleviate the grievous mental health amongst students, as only through regular interaction and dialogue can the SU begin to make amends to the stagnated relationship with its students.

John review – ‘remarkably and unashamedly real’

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‘The tragedy of bed and breakfast’ – those are the words used by Elias (Tom Mothersdale) to describe the setting of Annie Baker’s bizarre, but brilliant play, John. The play, which ran previously at New York’s Signature Theatre, and now occupies the Dorfman at the National tells the story of the suitably unlikable Elias and his sweet, yet passive-aggressive, complicated and unfaithful girlfriend Jenny (Anneika Rose), a Brooklyn couple very much on-the-rocks, and their stay at a twee, bric-a-brac B&B in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, run by the enchanting, grandmotherly and somewhat dotty Mertis, a role inhabited with exquisite conviction by Marylouise Burke. During their stay, the couple, played with commendable chemistry (or perhaps anti-chemistry) by Mothersdale and Rose, meet Genevieve (June Watson), Mertis’s blind, and knowingly insane best friend. On ground haunted by the ghosts of thousands of civil war dead, the ghosts of Elias and Jenny’s relationship are rarely far beneath the surface.

A special mention ought firstly to be made of the set. Designed by Chloe Lamford, the room in which we spend the entirety of the play is a captivating jumble of knick knacks, a ragbag assembly of dolls, statues, souvenirs, models and the like. And though the audience stays in this room the entire time, the action does not. The play seems to make few concessions for the most elementary ‘requirements’ of staging, something that is ostensibly clear in the opening moments, as the new guests are shown to their rooms, upstairs and off-stage.

Muffled conversation continues as the couple and their host become acquainted, and we, the audience, are left staring at a stage full of dolls, which are in turn staring back at us, and wondering whether the actors will come back. Moments such as these, in combination with the life-like, meandering pace of the play, orchestrated beautifully by director James Macdonald, and full of pauses and half-expressed thoughts, seem to be set up in deliberate opposition to ideas of pretence and deception, the result of which is something that feels remarkably and unashamedly real. This sense of authenticity, of realness is particularly surprising given how much of the play concerns itself with what is not discernably real: a ghoulish blurred photograph of a haunted bedroom, a rustling noise which only Genevieve can hear, and perhaps most obviously the unseen, and yet apparently ever-present husband, and co-owner of the B&B, George.

For all its sensitivity and its spookiness, it should not be forgotten that the play is also a rollicking laugh. Though one felt in the first act that Baker was perhaps trying too hard, and moving somewhat too close to the realms of laugh-tracked American sitcom, once the characters were fully developed and differentiated, the laughs come more naturally, and the cogs of the comedy machine begin to turn more smoothly, with much greater reward. Indeed the comedy was undoubtedly at its most potent when it was trying less hard, and we were allowed to simply enjoy the set-up of the play itself as a sort of comic set-piece, involving the coming together of opposite worlds.

It is because of this that despite the overwhelming sadness and frustration of the central plot, John is, in a strange sense, very much life-affirming. In a room full of dolls of various description, and of course a packed house of audience members, Mertis asks her young guest, ‘Do you ever feel like you’re being watched, Jenny?’ The question is dealt with by all the play’s characters in some way, all of whom attest to having felt some kind of domineering presence watching them throughout their lives. Indeed it is only in her blindness that Genevieve has escaped the sense of being watched.

In a truly memorable speech, which takes place between the second and third acts, and in front of the curtain, Genevieve offers a soliloquy on madness and blindness, in which she claims her blindness has brought her to the centre of the universe. We spend much of the time trying to work out if Genevieve is mad, or prophetic, the answer is, I think, some delicious cocktail of the two, testament to Watson’s captivating performance. Regardless, she serves in many senses, as a portal in the play; a portal to the divine, the mystic, the other-worldly. She lifts the play out of its domesticity, and allows it to speak to the universe.

In John, Baker introduces more mysteries than she resolves, but such is the charm of the play. She is not interested in tying up loose ends or validating the audience’s suspicions, but rather in creating a world of unending possibility. It is in recounting the story of when she met her husband George, whose existence is questioned a number of times in the play, both by us and by Elias and Jenny, that Mertis claims she felt as though ‘anything’s possible’. If George is possible then anything’s possible, if we don’t have to see to believe, then the world, as presented in John, is something larger, more comforting and more exciting than anything we could imagine.

Hanna Review – ‘strikingly honest’

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It is perhaps ironic that a play which seemingly revolves around a child who is accidentally swapped at birth is named after that child’s mother, but it’s clear that it is Hanna’s story that ultimately forms the centre of Off West End Award nominee Sam Potter’s portrayal of the unconventional family. Having expected a melée of familial chaos, the starkly lit stage – just a table and single chair at its centre – is both striking and far from the conventional image of bustling family life. Sophie Khan Levy’s almost casual entrance as Hanna, and effortless launch into the 70 minute monologue that makes up the play’s entirety is believably candid, with the accessibility of Potter’s writing creating a strong sense of intimacy.

Hanna’s story is at first almost too good to be true: despite unexpectedly falling pregnant and initial familial opposition, Hanna perseveres with her pregnancy, motherhood quickly becoming ‘the only thing [she] was ever any good at’, alongside the support of her boyfriend, Pete. However, it is not until much later, with a DNA test revealing a hospital mistake following the jaundice treatment given to newborn daughter Ellie, that Hanna realises that the child she has attentively raised for the past 3 years is not biologically hers.

What follows is a narrative that remains utterly honest, a far cry from Wildean tales of babies left in handbags and found in train stations, with Potter’s self professed ‘character driven’ play matching Hanna’s growing confusion with an enduring sense of humour, prolonging the audience’s familiarity with her, and retaining an integral notion of humanity.

From Hanna’s dilemma, Potter creates an opportunity to explore various issues, most notably relating to class, race, and the family, which become more prevalent as Hanna establishes contact with her biological daughter, and the woman who has raised her. Hanna’s naive disbelief at the financial disparity between the two families; ‘I had no idea people had so much more than we had’, and the use of both class and racial stereotypes – which are at times uncomfortable – serve to highlight a seemingly insurmountable cultural and circumstantial divide between both mothers and their respective birth children.

Such contrasts are reminiscent of the ambiguous relationship between nature and nurture, and the role in which family plays in an individual’s identity. Certainly, Potter’s depiction of Hanna’s growing panic as she realises the integrity of her family is challenged; ‘if someone else is Ellie’s mother then who the f*** am I?’, and Levy’s portrayal of her character’s constant search for certainty, restless in her chair, becomes both captivating and illustrative of the significance of familial relationships. Further confounding Hanna’s situation is the lack of terminology surrounding it: ‘the only words are to do with adoption, but that’s not what happened to us’, with the failure of language to articulate or bring sense to her dilemma, working only to mark it as overtly ‘other’, and through constant allusion to Hanna’s inherent guilt; ‘in many ways [her daughter] was quite lucky to be taken away from me’, her growing isolation is realised. Potter, however, never allows pessimism to take over the narrative, Hanna’s investment in the relationship between the two daughters, and Levy’s ability to easily coax laughter from the audience lifts the piece, keeping Hanna’s perhaps naive wonder at the fore.

Towards the play’s culmination, Hanna’s more conversational presentation of her story subsides almost into a stream of consciousness, as any lights in the audience gradually fade out. With Hanna’s voice remaining the sole point of focus, viewers continue to be drawn in as the character leads towards a conclusion. Unfortunately, due to Levy’s fast-paced speech throughout the play’s entirety, any increase in tempo to convey her character’s panic is somewhat lost, despite the occasional pause.

Whilst Potter creates an affecting portrayal of the bittersweet job of raising a child, made all the more difficult by an unconventional familial situation, her assertion that she wanted to ‘focus on the story of the mother’ is perhaps too apparent. Hanna’s frequent digressions may make her more tangible – and, by extension, a more sympathetic character –  but they also work to confound the narrative. ‘Hanna’ is perhaps slow to start, with a prolonged premise culminating in a hurried ending that feels, ultimately, formulaic. However, it is not the pacing, but Hanna’s optimism that makes this piece, as she asserts with new confidence that ‘families are not fixed’, and Potter leaves the audience with an affirming conclusion which fits neatly back with the beginning.

Hanna is on tour with Papatango Theatre Company from the 3rd of January to the 22nd of February 2018.

Beginning review – ‘comfortable, emotionally-streamlined and ideologically safe’

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Girl meets Boy: a narrative so hackneyed it’s earned its very own idiomatic cliché. We’ve heard this story so often – have it plummed into us more times a day than we are likely to actually experience the real thing in our lifetimes- and yet that fateful first interaction still seems to be an object of fascination that never loses its artistic appeal. Indeed, this is the story David Eldridge has decided to take up with his new play Beginning, now showing at the Ambassador’s Theatre, London, after a transfer from the National.

Beginning centres around Laura and Danny, two single twenty or thirty-somethings who meet at a party in Laura’s flat. When the play starts, the party is over. Danny has decided not to get a Taxi and it’s clear that Laura wants him to make a move. They’re both drunk but something stops them from getting it on. Instead they end up talking: for 90 minutes to be specific. Only at the very end do we see their desire manifested in a more physical way. This show is a slow-burner, its thrill relying not on erotic rush but on the constant deferral of consummation.

Beginning opens with the image of its lead actress and actor standing quiet and alone, locked in eachother’s gaze. It is not a tableau. Albeit still, it is an image alive with feeling. This is the meet-cute, the glance of love-at-first-sight, the eponymous ‘Beginning’. With their light swaying and heavy breathing, we get a sense of the prospective couple’s drunken awkwardness, their inability to speak their feelings, their lurking sense of where the night is headed. With barely any movement, this picture neatly summarises all of the action to follow. It is clever and affecting. However, one can’t help feeling that its intelligence, its ability to capture so much, brings us back to a fundamental, and somewhat worrying question. What is the point of all this? If girl meets boy can be summed up in one moment, why is there anything more to say?

Despite charismatic and wonderfully real performances from Justine Mitchell and Sam Troughton, this is my central problem with this play. The set is beautifully detailed, with party streamers, empty bottles, forgotten coats and an ambient lighting that perfectly recreates the mood of the after-party. In its favor, the writing is also witty and cleverly observed. However, despite all this dressing, you come away with a sense that you’ve gained very little: this production lacks any meaningful substance.

Of course, one could point to the interesting gender politics for counter-argument. Danny seems to be a man caught in the problems of modern masculinity, at once defending a sexist friend but also unwilling to initiate a sexual encounter, embarrassed by Laura having to ask him for a kiss. Laura, meanwhile, is a modern woman – sexually forward, aware of what she wants, unafraid of telling an unknown man exactly how she feels. In addition, there is some attempt to discuss class. Danny lives at home with his mum and his Nan whilst Laura can afford a 500k Crouch-End apartment. But even then the socio-economic differences between the two are too thin to allow for any really incisive commentary. There are lazy references to being Labour voters and to Owen Jones’ twitter (ironically, Jones himself was sat a few rows in front of me and chortled loudly at this) but ultimately, there isn’t much to distinguish the play from any other #relatable modern romance.

Under Rufus Norris tenure, the National has put on multiple shows involved in pushing the possibilities of form and content. Whilst this play is perfectly nice, it does neither of these things. Nor does it ever manage to whip up much intrigue to add to such a predictable plotline. Overall, we are left with a comfortable, emotionally-streamlined and ideologically safe show about a heterosexual, white, middle-class, London-based couple. Whoopdidoo! I’d much rather see the ‘beginning’ of something new but for now it seems Girl meets Boy is here to stay.

The Corridor review – ‘a serious spectacle of operatic drama’

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In an echoey chapel, on creaky pews, you could hear if anyone in the audience moved a muscle during the moments of silence which punctuate this operatic drama. Not a single person did. Such is the quality of this production of The Corridor. The cast, the crew and the musical players keep the audience absolutely riveted from the outset and throughout.

In Greek mythology, after Eurydice is bitten by a snake on the day she is wedded to Orpheus, he goes to Hades to bring her back from the dead. He is allowed to do so on the sole condition that at no point on the return he turns back to look at his bride. The Corridor captures the scene where, near the end of their homecoming, Orpheus turns and looks.

Traditionally the telling of this myth focuses on the Orpheus’ grief and despair at losing his beloved for a second time. Sean Kelly’s self-professed feminist reading of this narrative however grants Eurydice the license to demand better of her husband. The emphasis placed on Eurydice’s discontent in this production is striking; far from inducing a shared despair, Orpheus’ failure elicits an abject scorn that makes for intriguing drama.

You cannot help but notice the shift in tone upon entering New College chapel before taking your seats for The Corridor. The musicians wandering as shades of Hades, the Greek underworld, the rear wall of shadowy angels and the lone harp at the end of the nave give the distinct impression that what you’re about to see is a serious spectacle of operatic drama.

Hannah McDemott’s performance as Eurydice is genuinely outstanding. From the opening note she commands the audiences attention and delivers some stunning arias throughout. Truly hair-raising on a number of occasions, she thrives in her ambitious role. Her spoken parts are no less gripping, embodying the anger with which her character is filled with heart-felt acting and delivery.

Likewise, Harry O’Neil’s delivery of Orpheus was very good. Hearing his sorrowful tenor resonate in the vast space, he is not too hard to believe when he professes to have ventured to the gates of Hades and ‘unlocked the place with song.’ Overall both performers carried the show brilliantly, an extraordinary feat given that it was just those two singing for nearly an hour.

Using the nave of New College chapel as the physical stage for the corridor between Hades and earth was a masterstroke. For such a huge, high-ceilinged space it was mesmerisingly intimate. Every movement, every emotion in the players’ faces was immediately visible, literally touching distance away from the front row. What’s more Seb Dows-Miller and Sarah Wallace’s lighting setup fully realised the dramatic potential of the chapel. The back wall of angelic statues washed blue and scored with deep shadows set a domineering, ghostly backdrop for the production. At the foot of this great wall, a solo harpist (Aoife Miralles) divides the land of the living and the underworld, plucking up tension and stirring the action throughout.

I could not recommend this performance more highly. The setting makes it different from any other production you are likely to see. Furthermore, the vocal and musical talent of the players and cast make this show one not to be missed

Bumps drama makes the early starts worthwhile

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The attraction of bumps racing lies in its unpredictability, and indeed success is often predicated on a hefty amount of luck. A fair argument can be made that this takes away from the sport but having been on the receiving end of some undeserved success, I think it adds to the occasion. For those of you who were eagerly following the bumps charts last summer, you might have noticed some strange behaviour from the Merton M2 crew. The first three days passed normally, if not particularly well.

Row over on the Wednesday, followed by being bumped on Thursday and Friday. On the Saturday we were being chased by the Regents Park M1 boat. By catching us they would have gained blades and a confirmed spot in Division Four for the next year. Safe to say they were eager, and after bump-ing three days in a row were probably fairly confident.

When the cannon fired, it became clear that we were evenly matched. We saw the crews in front of us bump out, and the pair in front of them did the same; with the chances of bumping ourselves basically zero, we just had to hold out until the end.

As Regents closed to half a length but couldn’t reel us in, thoughts of pushes and race plans disappeared from both crews. I had to be 100 per cent the entire way. When we finally collapsed over the finish line, the Merton crew were ecstatic. It was our best row of the week, and we were rather pleased with ourselves.

This was deserved success. What made the day even sweeter however, was the news that we got when we landed. It emerged that Brasenose M2, five boats ahead us, had somehow managed to crash in the gut. As the boats between us had bumped out, the next racing crew to pass them was us, frantically pushing off Regents. We hadn’t noticed them of course; boats sitting stationary by the bank are perfectly normal.

What this meant however was that rather than a row over, what we’d achieved was to bump up five bunglines in one day, quite an achievement! It also meant that our do or die race to the line with Regents was moot: even if they’d caught us, we’d already bumped out when we passed Brasenose.

This is the sort of unpredictable chaos that makes the lower divisions of bumps racing so much fun. Undeserved success may be a sweet surprise, yet I know for a fact that we would have been just as happy with that row -over. Nothing beats the euphoric satisfaction of just escaping defeat through sheer hard graft.

Come down to the river for Torpids in seventh week and you can see similar such carnage unfold for yourself.