Oxford's oldest student newspaper

Independent since 1920

John Evelyn

William Straw (New College) and the rest of the Dead End Kids (Westgate Centre) turned up at Pressie Drinks last week, offending all with their awful sense of dress and ridiculously tight trousers. Straw demonstrated his bohemian flaunting of bourgoise formalities by rolling up in what is described to Evelyn as “a hoody and jeans”. Straw’s egalitarian ethic was no mere affectation, and the unlucky boy was caught leaving with four bottles of wine up his jumper, no doubt intending to redistribute it to the poor and needy. But who? Perhaps Barry (Satan), who is barred for micturating the Union flowerbeds. Vampire ‘Willem’ Marx (Ladyboy Margaret Hall) is back on the prowl after break-up. He was sighted on Monday night in Po Na Na’s with with an arm around number of young strumpets. It seemed uncertain who might be the chosen victim. Marx has even drafted list of names from which draw blood. Evelyn was privileged enough to see this although is unable divulge any details. Your diarist can however report that Count Dracula was seen leaving with young rower named Ben Malcolm (Queeble), reportedly after a deal was struck involving the exchange rowing tips for sex. And to complete this week’s Union-heavy diary, a picture of Eddie (Frankie Howard) in a toga and collared shirt. Surely some mistake?
ARCHIVE: 3rd Week TT 2003

Check out our other content

Most Popular Articles