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John Evelyn’s Diary | Hilary Term 2020, Week 2

As long-term readers will be aware, the birthday party is a seminal moment in the life of an ambitious hack. With the pre-emptive postponement to prevent potential disciplinary action now a thing of the past, this new generation has turned to surprise. The Short-Man, hoping to stand up tall in the eyes of his hidden lover (the Circular Mertonian) has put together a Mad soiree, that is sure to knock the Hats off of its guests. Forced to choose between lover and friend, it seems for now that the Short-Man is the only thing stopping the French King from facing the guillotine.

With the Former Acting President’s lover preoccupied with the Principal’s suit, they have taken matters into their own hands, organising their own ‘surprise’ party. Used to crumbling relationships, they were somehow taken aback by the news that their office floor was caving in. Perhaps it should have been the Former Acting President who ought to have caved to the Bursar’s demands – as many former members of committee can attest, this is an unwinnable quarrel. Only time will tell – who will break first, the President or their floor? More to follow…

The Principal is fulfilling the dream of any hack who is worth their salt, acquiring the personal correspondence of all members of TSC, past and present. One can hardly imagine the mysteries that have befallen Frewin Court which will be solved by such an acquisition. Perhaps the ‘Inspirational’ World Champion will be finally exonerated, and the true identity of that famous forger revealed. Hint: it was the Insect. One person will not be handing over their messages to the Principal, after narrowly losing their inaugural and (hopefully) final election. The Queen’s Father simply could not replicate the success of his child. Guess it is back to the drawing board – they will need to find another way to fulfil his desperate goal to stay relevant. 

The Queen’s Father was not the only one who participated in an irrelevant election. It is the time of term when the gimpiest of gimps fight over the opportunity to sacrifice their degree and their social life (admittedly a minor loss for most) for the not-so-coveted prize of running the Society’s elections. Watch this space…

The summer competition is heating up. The new treasurer, hoping to pick the ball up from the back of the scrum is following the footsteps of some of the greatest electoral failures in recent memory. Ex-Treasurers do not seem to have a knack for converting their tries. Maybe her Twickenham experience will come in handy – physicality seems to be increasingly important for running the Society, and she will know to turn to the Kiwi for help.

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