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John Evelyn: 1st Week, Hilary Term 2022

An inside look at the Oxford Union.

Termcard? Late. Hacking? Early. You’re welcome Oxford. Well at least it’s good to see that the Union is keeping to tradition. 

It has been confirmed that The Second String Yank was the unnamed appointed committee defector hinted at in last week’s column, joining the rest of the foreigners on Connect 2.0. John Evelyn wonders if they are in fact out of the country, as it seems they’ve completely missed the gun on starting their hacking.

The Univ Queen must have been doing some serious yoga over the break, as she showed remarkable political flexibility by showing up to OULC to hack. The Not-Secretary was close in tow, but Mr Debit Card was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he was trying to slate that last allusive officer candidate after a few disheartening rejections. Poor bubs.

The LMH Enforcer kicked off Super Saturday by enforcing a strict no-fun policy at his campaign launch party. Attendees were treated to some beats dropping harder than the government’s approval rating, but not quite as hard as the mood. John Evelyn is no mathematician, but even he knows that 6:30pm start + LMH library ≠ mad rave. Speaking of parties, the Enforcer and friends are trying to avoid one of the sausage variety, as they desperately try not be the only slate that is literally just blokes.

In other phallic news, the CC has a new secretary, with the Ghost of Otto Barrow delivering a rock hard hust to secure the prestigious position. John Evelyn hears he is excited to start, but fears he will end up as collateral damage in the brewing turf war between the ROs and elected officials on whether the minutes should be in Times New Roman or not. Exciting stuff.

Even more to come. John Evelyn x

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