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John Evelyn’s Diary: Hilary 2020, Week 4

The Feast of Saint Valentine’s is quickly approaching, but in Frewin Court old lovers and friends seem immune to cupid’s charms. This should come as no surprise – power couples in the Union only last as long as there is electoral gain to be had. Indeed, although the Short Man and Circular Mertonian seem closer than ever, a couple from days gone by is gearing up for outright war. 

Battle lines are being drawn for months to come – the Irish Priest will face his old flame in a race. The Priest and Justinian are no strangers to strife, nor are they strangers to pitting friend against friend. The Irish Priest, indulging perhaps too much on communion wine might see power shift from Rome to Constantinople (a much more attractive proposition for young pilgrims).

The French King is in demand – with both Rome and Constantinople begging for support in the ensuing conflict. Well aware that this Civil War has to be quashed – the King must lend their support to the side most likely to defeat the Short Man’s army: their survival is dependent on making the correct decision. Unlike the Short Man, hopefully this will be based on solid reasoning and logic. It seems that Hume was right all along. Reason is slave to the passions, or in this case, the phallus. 

Opportunistic, untrustworthy, a terrible judge of character – all the attributes required for political comeback? Well, maybe. Imagine a world where the Short Man offers a past rival a Clean Slate. Choosing to keep their friends close and their ex-enemies closer, BNC’s latest Presidential loser has been made an offer they can’t (and won’t) refuse. An unwelcome return into the political fray will be sure to frustrate the smooth running of the Short Man’s slate. Challenging the younger generation is not advisable – maybe the BNC man should give it up for Lent! 

For the most part, the gimpiest of gimps stay out of politics. The explanation is simple: they are too busy gimping. The election of Chief Gimp proves to be a notable exception. Just when all was done and dusted, there was a final twist in the tale. The Once Influential DRO thought they had one last bullet in their chamber. Taking aim at a former ally and counting on the support of old friends, it turned out that unlike in their “extracurricular” activities, they fired a blank. After a few successes, a series of serious misuses of the Society’s rules, and many, many failures, perhaps it is time for The Once Influential DRO to jump before they are pushed.

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