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Review: Hush – a cat and mouse fight to the death

Louise Howland
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Review: Hush – a cat and mouse fight to the death

THREE STARS

When a streamlined one-hour 20-minute picture can fully transport its audience into a situation, even one as brutal and unusual as the heroine Maddie’s, you know the film is doing what it’s supposed to.

Hush is Mike Flanagan’s impressive follow-up to his mind-bending but ultimately unsatisfying Occulus (2013). The premise is simple enough: a young woman is subjected to the home invasion of a mask-wearing knife wielding maniac. But here’s the hook – the victim is deaf. Queue a cat-and-mouse fight-to-the-death with an abundance of tension.

Home-invasion in horror is a sub-genre that seems to have been banging its head against a brick wall for a long time. Directors have tried to innovate but to little avail. All they’ve really offered is an assembly line of the same narrative in slightly tweaked contexts.

But this hasn’t stopped audiences coming back for more. Insidious was the highest grossing horror film of 2015 and the Sinister trilogy has been incredibly successful on a commercial level. Yet the appetite of the horror fan for fresh, contributions to this sub-genre has not been truly satiated.

Hush, however, may be just thing the horror community is looking for. It gives people something much more conceptually stimulating and consistently thrilling. This is probably the most exciting addition to the Blumhouse conveyor belt of low-budget horror, a production studio responsible for the likes of Paranormal Activity and Sinister. Whilst the material is not the most original – a similar premise is seen in Wait Until Darkness (1967) – it provides the director (Mike Flanagan) and writer (Katie Siegal, who also plays the protagonist, Maddie) a plethora of interesting directions that they exploit from the outset.

The film also negotiates established horror conventions. The most striking subversion of trope is in the protagonist herself who doesn’t fit the stereotypical female victim. She’s a real person figuring out how to stay alive and outwit the villain. Her formidable desire to survive makes for a gripping viewing experience and a refreshing, modern take on the damsel in distress stock character. The film also pays tribute to Michael Haneke’s Funny Games in that the director knows exactly what the audience will be screaming at their screens and when they’ll be screaming it. It gives the film a wry self-consciousness that distinguishes it from most mainstream horror.

Hush is not the best horror you’ll ever see, nor will it be the best film you’ll see this year. But Netflix subscribers will find it a thoroughly entertaining, fast-paced and ultimately intelligent film that will probably thrill more than chill.

Easy Kitchen-Free Recipes

Isabella Cullen
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Easy Kitchen-Free Recipes

First year at university can be hard. Away from home, clueless freshers are forced to fend for themselves, getting to grips with the unusual customs of Oxford, engaging in painful small talk with other newbies and formulating sentences in tutorials when their eyelids are visibly drooping. Meals can become something of a chore; the temptation to avoid hall, where there is an expectation to socialise and appear presentable, mounts higher as the term goes on. Unfortunately, not all of us are blessed with kitchens, so these simple recipes will enable you to immerse yourself fully in the lifestyle of a hermit. With the humble kettle, iron or toastie maker, fine dining is not as out of reach as you might think.

Vietnamese Summer Rolls

Ingredients: rice paper (buy at Lung Wah Chong Chinese Supermarket – look out for it en route to Wahoo), 1 packet vermicelli noodles, 1 packet of prawns (OR surplus pork from Mission Bur- rito since the meat to rice ratio is a bit absurd), 1 packet shredded carrot, lettuce, coriander, sweet chilli sauce, soy sauce, kettle.

  1. Lay out all your ingredients and an empty plate on which you will construct
    the rolls
  2. Boil the kettle and pour the water intoalargebowl
  3. Soak one sheet of rice paper until soft
  4. Place on the plate and quickly blot with paper towel if necessary
  5. Pile on all your ingredients
  6. Fold and roll into a mini burrito shape. Serve with more sweet chilli or soy sauce

Heated falafel wraps

Not even going to pretend that these are nicer than the wraps at El Mexicana but they will prove how creative you are.
Ingredients: 1 packet of burrito wraps, 1 tub of hummus, 1 packet of falafels, 1 packet cherry tomatoes, 1 packet coriander, lettuce, 1 packet halloumi, tin foil, iron

1. Chop up all the tomatoes, coriander, lettuce and halloumi

2. Lay a burrito wrap down on one half of a sheet of foil and fold the other half on top of it to sandwich the wrap inside

3. Iron the burrito
4. Place all the ingredients inside
5. Wrap it up in the same way as you did for the summer rolls and then wrap the foil tightly around it so nothing spills out
6. Iron it again – particularly aim to heat up the halloumi. Remove foil and serve
NB: The heating of the wrap may make it seem that I have merely added unnecessary complica- tions to an ordinary cold meal. However, the use of an iron elevates this dish by softening the hal- loumi and validating your decision to bring an iron to uni in the first place, since your clothes are rarely washed let alone ironed for the 8 week long duration of your stay in Oxford.

Vegetarian Brunch

Like a classic fry up but without meat because toastie makers rarely reach temperatures high enough to make that a safe option.
Ingredients: 1 packet mushrooms, 1 packet cherry tomatoes, 1 egg, butter, sliced bread, coriander, toastie maker.

  1. Turn toastie maker to the highest temperature and put a knob of butter on one half of it Crack an egg into the dipped plate of the toastie maker

2. Close the lid as much as possible, without cracking the yolk. You may need to prop the lid in place

3. Leave for about 3 mins (assuming your toastie maker is as ineffective as mine)

4. Add a knob of butter to the other half of the toastie maker. Add chopped up mushrooms and coriander

5. Close the toastie maker again and leave for 2/3 more minutes

6. Chop up tomatoes. Add these to the mush- rooms and leave for 2/3 more minutes – the egg should still be cooking away

7. Put a piece of bread on top of the mushroom/ tomato mixture – this will allow all the tomato juice to soak into the bread and taste yum.

8. Hopefully the egg will have cooked by now – check this very carefully Remove egg and fully close toastie maker to toast the upper half of the bread for a few minutes

9. Put everything on a plate. Serve with more coriander to make yourself feel fancy.

Bon appetit.

Pub Review: Wetherspoons

Thomas Little
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Pub Review: Wetherspoons

One of the benefits of being a linguist is the rich wealth of opportunities to travel and to see what the world holds be- yond these green and pleasant lands. Based on my brief travels I will not deny that the food in Italy is better, Germany works smoother and that given the choice between a cold February night in Oxford and sunnier climes… you get the picture. Despite what Nigel Farage may have you believe, there are some things that are better abroad.

This brings us to the subject of this article, my beloved Wetherspoons. Any Brit abroad – from the Hong Kong expat to the trashed lad in Magaluf – will tell you that there is just nothing quite like a good English pub. The decor, the line of ales, the welcoming fire smouldering 11 months of the year… there are no rivals. And while it’s true that The Four Candles may not be to everyone’s taste it certainly does tick the majority of boxes. From the buoyant atmosphere to the cheap beer, sometimes all that will do is a ‘Spoons sesh’, and this Oxford gem will not let you down.

Let me tell you why. Everyone these days is grasping for aconcept, an aspiration to set himself or herself apart from the pack.The trouble with this is that during their desperate efforts to do precisely that they become even more anonymous; through trying to be individual and edgy they become so much blander. How many pubs in Oxford market themselves as older and more historic than- what seems like time itself? How many bombard you with constant invitations to weekly pub quizzes? How many brag about the biggest and best selection of craft beers? Too many is probably the answer to these questions, is it not?

What I’m trying to point out is that Spoons wants nothing to do with this fruitless arms race.

Zilch. Nada. It’s just Spoons. The Four Candles is no different to any of its Spoons brothers, dependent and consistent. That is not to say that it is without its charms. For a start, there is no music. Maybe I’ve become an old man since arriving here but nothing beats conversation, and when you look around the stylishly lit interior I have to say that there are more people pissing themselves laughing than just about any pub I’ve ever been to. The place is big too, meaning there’s always room for a big group and making it the perfect place for a pre crewdate stop-over, or for some Dutch courage before hitting the Park End cheese floor. I’m sure that most people reading this will be aware of the Spoons phenomenon, but sometimes you just have to be reminded of those little things in life. Go show Spoons some love.

The Oxonian Dandy

Dante OKeefe
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The Oxonian Dandy

With Trinity collections a definite thing of the past, as an auburn sun sets once more over the rusty rooves of our handsome city and the teasing breeze tickles the sandstone bricks, every young gent asks himself the same question: Is it too cold to unship my quarter-length chino shorts?

Last week, we looked at the ways to best stand out with colour. This week, we examine not so much the ways in which we tint our outfit, but rather the ways to assemble it. Sadly, not every outfit can be practical for the modern chap – and thus the above question – much to the benefit of wardrobe liberty, becomes redundant. Gone are the days when the waffle greatcoat would be neglected on the coat-hanger during a particularly fiery August. We live and dress in a progressive age. One must not spurn one’s Geox sandals just because it’s below freezing, and, similarly, the choice of a mackintosh must not be merely motivated by the promise of a shower: this week, we break down the oppressive traditions of weather-driven dressing.

The true Oxonian Dandy will pick his outfit irrespective of the weather, and, for those looking to free their style from its meteorological confines, layering is a concept that must be at the forefront of the mind when stood musing in front of the wardrobe before a 9am. Don’t leave behind your scarf if it complements the Givenchy turtleneck you happen to have chosen just because the weatherman has prescribed the factor 50.

Though we interact with the world at present, nonetheless we base these same undertakings on events of the past. A poignant reflection of this would be to enact a glancing twist on that 90s staple of the short-sleeve T atop a contrasting long-sleeve. Shake it up by instead donning a ‘beater. Remember what I said last week about colour! I would advise a lilac lavender combination, here. Or, if you wanted to give your countenance a sporty undertone, dig out the rash vest from the catacombs of the commode.

Another look of the future (one to watch out for on the late spring catwalks in Milan) is the twinning of spray-on skinny jeans and a truly bulging puffer. You want to look as top-heavy as you possibly can. You aren’t going to be able to achieve the required appearance of wadding without packing out the under-layers: I’m talking vests, at least one jumper, a fleece and maybe a sweatshirt if you’re really going for that seam-splitting rotundness.

Despite my eternal misgivings on the constraints weather imposes upon fashion, since the summer is drawing ever nearer, I will offer a quick final word or two on lawn-party chic. The most important forethought of a successful outfit for such an occasion is most certainly making sure your top layer matches the sludgy hue of the drink you’ll most certainly be knocking back: Pimms. With a mud-brown or toffee cable jumper, you’ll never worry about the inevitable spillage. If you’re looking to emulate the smoothness of melted caramel, put a few cocktail sticks in your pocket for skewering strawberries.

Next week we’ll be trying to bridge the gaps between smart and casual.

 

Top spots in the Covered Market

Mabel Whitchurch
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Top spots in the Covered Market
  1. Georgina’s Cafe

This cute cafe is hidden upstairs in the market, with a pink sign downstairs leaving the only clue to its presence. It’s especially good for the all-day breakfast, which consists of bagels, omelettes and pastries, but also serves tasty potato skins, quesadillas, and wraps for lunch – alongside many many cakes.

2. iScream

This gelateria originated from an inspiring trip to Tuscany and serves easily the best gelato in Oxford – if not as good as the actual Italian stuff. The range of gelato on offer is mouth-watering, with the current menu introducing inventive creations like bubbly (bubble gum), biscotto (cookies and cream) and pistacchio (pistachio, unsurprisingly!), alongside classic flavours such as cioccolato (chocolate), nocciola (hazlenut) and fragola (strawberry). All their ingredients are top-quality too, free-range, organic and freetrade wherever possible.

3. Alpha Bar

Situated in the middle of the north entrances to the market, Alpha Bar offers some amazing lunchtime salads served in takeaway paper boxes with recyclable wooden forks for around £5. All the food is organic, locally-sourced and fair-trade (where possible), and everything is prepared daily in the nearby kitchens. You can expect falafels, roasted veg, goats cheese, smoked mackerel, mixed wild rices, chicken caesar, homemade hummus… the list goes on. The best part? You completely create your own salad; you choose exactly what you’d like and watch it being made in front of you. Fresh, healthy food at its finest.

4. Nectar

Just down to the left of the Alpha Bar is this cold-press juice, smoothie and frozen yoghurt bar. The drinks are quite expensive, costing around £2.50-£4, but the selection is really varied and delicious. Everything is made to order, including standard juices, like orange, apple and carrot, smoothies like the “forever young” (blackberries, strawberries and mango) and a whole array of juices (the lemon and mint is particularly good). They even present an assortment of “boosters” to add to your drink, such as spirulina, goji berries and maca.

5. Bonner’s Fruit and Veg

Although not a café or drinks bar, this family-run business definitely deserves a mention. They sell a great range of fresh fruit and vegetables, all in season and artfully displayed up to the ceiling. The servers are really helpful, ready to find anything you can’t and weigh the perfect amounts out. A much better option than Tesco/Sainsburys for sure – it’s cheaper, and gives the ideal occasion to shop locally too.

 

Woman claims to be at Oxford, scams parents for £250,000

Colin Donnelly
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Woman claims to be at Oxford, scams parents for £250,000

A heroin addict has been convicted of conning her own parents out of £250,000 by telling them she was studying for a DPhil at Oxford.

Nicola Boardman, now 34, has been lying to her parents Frank and Marilyn for four years about fictitious research and living expenses supposedly incurred while studying for a degree in Social Sciences at Oxford.

Rather than putting it towards academic study, she spent the money on heroin, lavish holidays, and a £10,000 wedding ceremony in London to which her parents were not invited. She pled guilty to fraud on April 20 at the Truro Crown Court in Cornwall, and was sentenced to three years and four months in prison.

In his statement to the court, her father Frank said, “I personally have been deprived of my retirement that I have worked hard for, for the last 40 years.”

Indeed, the parents sold their home after their daughter promised that her expensive pretense of research would yield a three million pound payout when it was finished, an unusually high sum for academic work.

Boardman went so far as to tell her parents that she’d had a stillborn child, when in fact she’d chosen to abort it, and held a fake ash-scattering for the baby. She eventually revealed to her parents that she had relapsed into her teenage heroin addiction, but continued to conceal part of her other uses for their money.

This deception apparently began shortly after Boardman graduated from Camborne College, part of Plymouth University, with a first class degree in Social Sciences.

After graduation she told her parents that she wanted to continue into graduate study, and convinced her father to drive her to both Oxford and Cambridge for interviews, though in fact she had applied to neither university.

Boardman then told her parents that she had been accepted to both, but chose Oxford. This deceit lasted for over four years, during which Nicola Boardman forged email correspondence with academics and evidence of her research in what the judge described as a “prolonged” and “sophisticated” operation.

Rose Atkinson, a Physicist at Keble told Cherwell , “I’m actually at Oxford and my parents won’t give me 250k!”

Dan Mangles, an engineer at Keble, told Cherwell he believed “that the parents were easily deceived, and that the daughter put up an incredibly effective (and probably emotionally draining) deception.

Given that the daughter apparently had a really broken relationship with them, I think it was incredibly careless of them to trust her with the money when they didn’t have any real trust emotionally.”

Others were more impressed by Boardman’s thoroughness – Ben Steward, a historian at Lincoln told Cherwell, “It must surely have been quite a comprehensive effort even to give [her] some chance of succeeding in their deceit, as it’s no trivial matter to lie about!”

Clunch Review: University College

Elise Page and Anora Sandhu
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Clunch Review: University College

This week brought us to the esteemed halls of Univ. Greeted in the buttery by the all-familiar BBC theme tune playing on a TV perched above a vending machine, however, we didn’t feel like we were at Oxford’s ‘oldest’ college. There was a fine selection of sandwiches, yet ‘Peanut Butter & Shelley’ was not an option, which left us disappointed with the missed op-pun-tunity as we made a beeline for the hot food aisle.

Entering into the hall, however, with our plates piled high with the only veggie option, our eyes swam as they adjusted to the Gothic, and frankly dingy, architecture of Univ’s hall. Don’t get us wrong, it’s lovely: the stained-glass windows are gorgeous. But they’re useless for lighting and the only chink of light seems to emanate from a strange construction in the ceiling that could only be an oubliette for a certain Romantic poet-pamphleteer. Luckily, small LED lights panelled across the walls like girlish fairy lights provided just enough illumination for us to see Univ’s fine collection of paintings, most of whom are of dead white men, voyeuristically peering down at us pushing the quorn around on our plates.

Ah, quorn. This quorn, the bane of every vegetarian’s life, was a surprisingly apt choice for the dish. Thanks to its absorbency, it was nicely saturated with the relatively flavourless tomato sauce in which it was floating, lying on its deathbed of rice. Chewy and almost aggressively al dente, the rice was beyond unappetising. We did take great pleasure, though, in coming up with descriptions like “springy” and “bounces off the teeth”, which made the grains sound like tiny white party animals – it was basically an evening at Cellar in one’s mouth. The only salvation of the dish was the side of assorted root vegetables: tur- nips, parsnips and sweet potato, which were roasted and seasoned to near perfection.

Oxford and Cambridge lead in university donations

Sophie Jordan
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Oxford and Cambridge lead in university donations

Alumni’s and philanthropist’s donations to British universities have reached a new peak, with the annual Ross-Case survey revealing that a total of £860 million were donated to the country’s 113 institutions in the academic year 2014-2015.

Oxford and Cambridge came top of the ranking once more as the two universities shared almost half this sum between them.

This record was not so much due to a rise in the number of people donating, which increased by approximately 3,000 to ultimately reach 232,520, as to the growth of the sums being given.

Although a larger number of universities were able to secure over £10 million than had been the case in past years, Oxbridge still received 44 per cent of all donations.

Among these was American philanthropists Weslie and Bill Janeway’s £17.6 million donation to Oxford’s Department of Economics, which also went towards the funding of a new fellowship at Pembroke College.

However, these numbers themselves have an initial price for universities which invested a total of £39 million in alumni relations and spent a further £93 million on fundraising campaigns to increase their gift revenue. A number of organisations solely serve this purpose within Oxford, among which the most influential are the University Alumni Office, with its overseas centres, or Oxford Business Alumni.

“It would be dangerous if the University had to rely only on alumni donations”

Ilya Zaslavskiy

The director of the Council for Advancement and Support of Education Europe, John Middleton, told the Times, “University fundraising is based on the development of longterm multi-layered relationships — particularly with alumni — as well as targeted approaches to trusts and foundations.

“That the rate of increase in new funds and pledges secured is outstripping that of donor numbers indicates the value of these relationships and shared goals.”

Warning against the ideological links and the dependence generous donations from multi-millionaire philanthropists may lead to, Oxford graduate and former head of Moscow’s alumni society, Ilya Zaslavskiy told Cherwell, “it would be dangerous if the University had to rely only on alumni donations (especially from a narrow circle of wealthy alumni) or on donations/grants from tycoons and corporations.

“Unless there is a balance between some minimal guaranteed state support and diversified portfolio of contributions from alumni and other donors,” he says, “policies and discourse of the University can be negatively skewed just as we see with the Blavatnik School of Government.”

Recipe: The Ultimate Grilled Cheese

Mabel Whitchurch
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Recipe: The Ultimate Grilled Cheese

This is hands-down one of the most comforting and easy snacks – the standard cheese on toast pales in comparison to this classic New York grilled cheese sandwich.

Ingredients:
Butter
2 pieces of white bread (a fresh loaf will make a much tastier sandwich than a sliced loaf)
White cheddar cheese
Yellow cheddar cheese
Red Leicester cheese

Method:
1. Generously butter both pieces of bread on one side each.
2. Slice as much of all the cheeses as you like – try to slice them quite thin so they melt quicker.
3. Lay out the cheese on the unbuttered side of one piece of bread.
4. Place the other piece of bread on top, with the buttered side again on the outside.
5. Melt some butter in a frying pan, and place the sandwich in the pan.
6. Cook for about 2 to 3 minutes on each side, flipping it over when the bread is golden brown.
7. Once the cheese is melted, take your grilled cheese out of the pan and enjoy.

This is a really simple and classic grilled cheese sandwich, but there is a world of grilled cheese before you to explore! As long as you have butter, bread, and some kind of cheese you’ll be off to a flying start. Here are some ideas to get you started…

– Swap the red leicester for mozzarella, and add some rocket, cherry tomatoes and proscuitto.

– Cook some pancetta and arrange on top of the cheese with some cherry tomatoes and sweetcorn.

– Swap all the cheese for goats cheese and throw in some roast peppers, artichokes and olive tapenade.

OUSU sets out to help Oxford go green

Marianna Spring
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OUSU sets out to help Oxford go green

The incredible edible project aims to place planting containers in which fruit and vegetables have been growing for a number of weeks in the foyer of buildings.

Students and staff will then be free to pick and take freshly grown produce as they please.

Anyone keen to help launch the project was invited to attend a meeting to discuss the idea in St John’s MCR on Tuesday evening.

In the description of the Facebook event for the meeting, the project specifically mentions “tomatoes” as well as “beans and lettuce” that you can “pick and cook with”.

OUSU’s VP for Charities and Community Emily Silcock is in charge of the project. She told Cherwell, “This campaign is only just getting off the ground (literally) at the moment. People can contact me if they would like any more information at this stage.”

Oxford VegSoc commented enthusiastically, “As VegSoc we think it’s great that more and more people are thinking about the wider implications about what they eat and buy. Of course we are in support of any other initiatives that focus on where food comes from and reducing our environmental impact by sourcing produce locally.”

However, Incredible Edible has equally been met by scepticism. Second year student Jack Harrison raised concern over how OUSU will fund the project and told Cherwell, “I’m glad my £9,000 tuition fees are being spent wisely on subsidising tomatoes, instead of being wasted on something pointless like making sure I have more than one compulsory contact hour a week.”

Undergraduate Louisa Keech said, “I think the vegetable planting is a really nice idea, but I can imagine that a few tomato plants in every faculty will not actually feed many people. It seems like a good idea, but rather unrealistic. It would perhaps be best if the point of the project was to make people aware of where their food comes from and how long it takes to grow, rather than to advertise it as free food.”

Charlotte Molony, a second year student at St Catz, added, “I’m also not sure about the practicalities of this idea, but it’s a great incentive to encourage students to have a balanced diet.”

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