Thursday, May 1, 2025
Blog Page 219

Elizabeth the Last: What next for the monarchy?

0

As the Jubilee celebrations fade away and the bunting is taken down, the tables and chairs put back inside, and the last of the cake eaten, a new era will come upon us and the British monarchy. The Platinum Jubilee celebrations are the seeming crescendo to centuries of monarchy on these isles. It is unlikely we will come together as a country to celebrate Queen Elizabeth II again, apart from at her funeral. There is no questioning the legacy she has garnered over the course of her public life. She has single-handedly sustained the royal family through arguably the longest period of social reconfiguration ever seen in this country. One BBC article even named her ‘the Comforter-in Chief’

Times are certainly changing regarding public opinion on the monarchy, as YouGov highlighted in a 2021 analysis titled ‘Young Britons are turning their backs on the monarchy’. The growing discontent depicted in the report of young people – primarily 18-24 year olds – with the monarchy represents a stark change to years past. Additionally, the entire country seems divided over Prince Charles’ imminent take over of the throne –  as of the 28th April 2022 an equal 32% of people think he would do a bad or good job as King, with the rest undecided. Most dialogue regarding the future of the royal family seemingly centres around the ‘wait until the Queen is gone’ narrative. Many Republicans see her as the pinnacle of the monarchy: Graham Smith, speaking for the monarchy abolition campaign Republic, claimed “The Queen is the monarchy, the monarchy is the Queen and it’s the Queen who continues to sustain support for the monarchy.” A recent poll found support for the monarchy has declined by 13 points over the last decade

The way in which Elizabeth has fulfilled her role as Queen – one who has, according to many, led a life of distinguished public service, and has performed her role dutifully, even as her Prime Minister partied on the same day she sat alone at her husband’s funeral – has led her to be presented as a somewhat welcome relief to the parade politics seemingly in vogue today. Indeed, any debate around the future of the monarchy requires the country to ask itself: Would I prefer Boris Johnson or the Queen as my head of state and representative to the world? The seeming abandonment of any remote sense of decency by our elected government has let the Queen stand out as a supposed role model, and the last bastion of integrity in public life. 

However, whether this is entirely representative or a fair conclusion is contentious.  Shielded by a loyal press that makes her seemingly invincible, the Queen has made numerous questionable decisions. The list is remarkable. For one, she has overseen negotiations to implement a clause in the Equality Act that exempt her from accountability for preventing race and sex discrimination. The Queen’s lawyers also secretly lobbied Scottish ministers to exempt her private land from legislation aimed at cutting carbon emissions – seemingly at odds with the initiatives of Charles and William. In 2010 she even attempted to use the state poverty fund to cover the cost of heating Buckingham Palace. 

In fact, even the Royal family’s finances has been regarded as a ‘shady’ area. Documents recently revealed that the Queen lobbied for a law in 1970 to to conceal her “embarrassing” private wealth from the public. The estate of the monarchy is thought to be valued in the hundreds of millions – making it difficult to see why the taxpayer continues to foot the bill of much royal expenditure and security. One of the most controversial decisions in recent years has been the Queen’s decision to fund Prince Andrew’s legal bill after he was accused of sexual assault and agreement to contribute to the settlement sum – money that could be better used elsewhere in the public purse. The Queen’s yearly Sovereign Grant payment from the government was £85.9m for 2020/21 – the equivalent of £1.29 per person in the UK. The scandal around Prince Andrew has been an embarrassment for the monarchy, and the Queen’s eagerness to steer the legal case towards a settlement is perhaps emblematic of her approach to safeguarding the establishment’s public image – especially in the run up to the Jubilee. It was explicitly a clause of the settlement that Andrew’s accuser Virginia Giuffre is not allowed to talk about the case during the Jubilee year. While many believe the Queen’s position is symbolic, her actions prove otherwise, and she is actively involved in government. 

Why the royal family is held in such an unjustifiably high regard, despite all these exposés, is an interesting question. The poisonous cultural wars that those who seek to divide the country and resist social progress are perpetuating in the country today have filtered their way into the royal debate. It is now ‘anti-British’ to be against the monarchy – senseless when negating the need to hold public figures, especially the head of state, to account. The reaction to the anti-monarchist organisation Republic’s billboard advertising campaign during the Jubilee has been divisive: one Conservative councillor called it “disgraceful”. Indeed, support from the monarchy, like other topics of contention,  is split largely over demographic lines – 80% of Conservative voters and three-quarters of Britons aged 65 and older (74%) see the monarchy as being good for Britain, compared to 44% of Labour voters and just 24% of 18 to 24-year-olds. Jeremy Corbyn reaped the wrath of the conservative press when he chose not to sing the national anthem ‘God Save the Queen’. But he has a point. Is it right that our national anthem reveres nothing but our monarch? Is there not far more to our country than that?

The main reason the Queen is so beloved by her people is because her public image is so carefully curated and managed. The recent comedy skit of the Queen having tea with Paddington Bear is an example. The Queen is portrayed as a relatable, loveable old lady seeking to do good and make us laugh. Yet her private actions and dealings show that she acts cynically above the law. The choice of Paddington Bear was an unusual one as the bear is a refugee from Peru and arrived in London with a tag saying “please look after this bear”. This feels particularly ironic given the treatment of refugees in the UK today, our failure to look after each other, and the Queen’s apparent involvement in upholding discriminatory practice. 

Prince Charles has been the longest heir apparent to the British throne in history. Consequently, he has had a lifetime to start public initiatives in a pioneering way. His work on projects concerning climate change have been greatly welcomed by many in the sector. A quick look at the initiatives page on his website shows he is involved in many social justice programmes such as Mosaic and A4S. While his role gives him the potential to do great things, the irony of his simultaneous position in the highest tier of aristocracy cannot be ignored. Perhaps the disillusionment with the royal family felt by many  is in part due to this: as an old white rich man, is he really representative of the country today?  Often it is only with economic privilege that one is able to live sustainably, as it is not always the cheapest option. Charles’ Duchy Originals Home Farm supposedly uses pioneering agricultural techniques to produce organic food in an eco-friendly way, but produce is reserved primarily for sale by Waitrose and Partners, and expensive. Given that the climate crisis necessitates mass change, true sustainability needs to mean sustainability for all, not just those that can afford it. This means that while trying to do good the monarchy can come across as out of touch, especially given their extraordinary financial circumstances. Charles has even dabbled in parliamentary intervention, like his mother, using a ‘secretive procedure’ to vet three parliamentary acts to prevent private residents on his estate from buying their own homes for decades. 

Young royals are trying to be more in touch with the youth and at the forefront of this are William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Their taboo-breaking work around mental health has given the topic it welcome and needed exposure at a time when it is still a stigmatised issue. One only needs to glance at the press coverage surrounding Prince Louis at the Jubilee to see the public culture of admiration for this younger family. The contrasting treatment given to Harry and Meghan, on the other hand, suggests a continuing reluctance by the establishment  to embrace a modern royal family; this should be seen as a source of national shame. It is telling that the conventional posh white family who conform to tradition – with their children dressed like they are from the 1950s – is well-received, but an interracial, only half aristocratic family were forced to break with the monarch and leave the country after being berated and harassed by people up and down the country, including the press and – allegedly – the rest of the royal family. The almost gleeful commentary of the Jubilee Thanksgiving Service announcing “Harry and Meghan are now very much second row royals” is evidence that this attitude is still pervasive today. The monarchy is inherently exclusionary; the royals can only preserve their high status by keeping it exclusive. And as of present there is seemingly no desire to engage with more diversity, and seemingly no room for an heir to be, for example, gay and accepted by the public.  The idealistic view presented in the novel Red, White and Royal Blue of a queer relationship in the royal family will unfortunately remain fiction for the foreseeable, even as it is made into a film. 

The Kensingtons’ recent royal tour of the Caribbean, labelled a disaster and tone-deaf, is perhaps the best example of how even those young royals are seemingly archaic – the monarchy seems to romanticise its colonial past in a disturbingly nostalgic manner. When Barbados became a republic last year, its Prime Minister described the move as a “seminal moment” which will see Barbados fully leave its colonial past behind. Prince Charles attended the ceremony and spoke of the “appalling atrocity of slavery” which he said “forever stains our history”,stopping short of a sought-after apology. The continued reluctance of the monarchy to take accountability for the institutional role it played in this atrocious exploitation is an embarrassment – especially when the Queen is still head of state in many countries where the descendants of victims continue to suffer as a result.

The debate surrounding the monarchy in the UK is emblematic of the wider issues with our government. The whole system of government in the UK is in dire need of reform. Is it right that a government elected by a minority can rule without any meaningful checks and balances? Is it right that some votes are weighted more than others (the Green Party received 2.7% of all votes cast but no seats)? Proportional representation may offer a solution, even if it potentially allows fringe extremism to gain an elected voice. But a more blatant issue is the House of Lords. Life peerages? Inherited titles? Its similarity with the monarchy is unquestionable, even in its very name – is it a coincidence the Queen’s speech is read there as opposed to in the House of Commons? Even the grandiose setting of parliament has been said to leave politicians seemingly out of touch with the people.

Any decision surrounding the monarchy must be a democratic decision. It is important that the people choose who rules them, not the other way round. Yet this premise is incompatible with the idea of monarchy and the divine right to rule. Navigating the reconciliation of the fundamentally undemocratic institution of the monarchy with more modern ideals poses a challenge. Unfortunately this has the capacity to divide the country into opposing factions  – much like the Brexit vote. A rotating presidential head of state – even if only symbolic – would make possible fairer representation with our values presented abroad in a more appropriate and credible manner. Perhaps, to appease hardliners, the Monarchy could remain but only symbolically and not as heads of state; our government would no longer be ‘Her Majesty’s’ but rather ‘The People’s’.

Image credit: Unknown / Library and Archives Canada / CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

(Endowment) Size Matters: Examining College disparities

0

A Cherwell investigation reveals the vast disparities in rent prices across Oxford colleges, with a 50% difference in modal weekly rent between Keble, the cheapest college, and Pembroke, the most expensive. Whilst a Pembroke undergraduate could expect to pay £232.74, the most common weekly charge for a student at Keble was £155.61.

Whilst an Oxford student may expect annual living costs to be lower due to the 8-week terms, the affordability of city life is highly dependent on college. Cherwell finds that, based on average weekly rent for short lease periods, wealthier colleges tended to charge the lowest amount of rent, with the large disparities in college wealth dramatically affecting student life.

Amongst the 10 wealthiest colleges, assessed by net assets, seven of these were among the colleges ranking the lowest average rent, including St Johns, Magdalen, and Queens. By contrast, among the 10 least wealthy colleges, five of these fall within the highest 10 average rent prices, with colleges such as Pembroke, Mansfield, and Lady Margaret Hall at the top of the list.

Magdalen college, the third richest college, provides the fourth cheapest average accommodation costs amongst Oxford colleges. By contrast, Lady Margaret Hall is the second poorest college and equally the second most expensive college accommodation, following Pembroke. 

Furthermore, inflation is set to see rent prices increase further, amplifying the gaps between colleges. St Catherine’s College has proposed an increase of 11.8% in rent and hall prices, in line with the average 9% inflation rate of the UK.

Currently, the termly rent at Pembroke, the most expensive college, varies between £1153 and £2245 termly, with an additional £432 annual utility charge. The college has just announced its price increases for the next academic year, with an 8.68% increase on rent, and a 22.5% increase in utility charges. 

However, as the seventh-poorest college by net assets, Pembroke often has had little choice.  In 2002, a tape obtained by the Sunday Times caught a senior fellow, Reverend John Platt, admitting that the college offered places for money because they were ‘poor as shit’.  

The most common pricing band for on-site accommodation currently stands at £1776, but from next year will be upped to £2010.13 (excluding the utility charge). The rooms in the highest price brackets will reach up to £43.02 a night, with an eye watering total of £7614.54 a year.

St Johns, on the other hand, notoriously the wealthiest Oxford college, has managed to keep the cost of living down. Rent prices at St Johns are one of the cheapest across Oxford – the prices range from £987.74 to £1161.74 per term, with an additional £232 termly charge for services. 

Among the disparities between colleges, this highlights the starkest one. There is over a 71% difference between the highest price bands of St Johns, the wealthiest, and Pembroke, the seventh poorest.

This “college lottery” can vastly affect student life and academic performance. A second-year student from Pembroke told Cherwell: “At Pembroke, I am constantly reluctant to spend much extra money in the knowledge that my rent and obligatory (very expensive) hall meal costs have already subsumed much of my student loan.

This can be stressful because it means extensively planning money-saving options for food and other necessities I need to buy in Oxford, as well as extras like social events, in an intense environment that doesn’t give much free time for such planning.”

Pembroke told Cherwell: “We are aware of the difficulties facing many of our students … and will be launching an enhanced student financial support fund next week in response to these challenges.”

The college disparities do not just affect the extent of support that students receive for housing. A Magdalen undergraduate told Cherwell about the abundance of financial support available: “From the first day on arriving at Magdalen I was struck by the generosity of the financial support offer.  This began with a universal book grant of £150, an explanation of the incredibly generous travel grant and student support fund, as well as individual support.  After experiencing health problems in my first year, the college has paid for taxis from doctors’ appointments that have finished in the evenings in London without me even asking, and even covered the cost of other private healthcare.”

The disparities in cost-of-living expenses are further exacerbated by utility charges or the cost of eating in hall. Pembroke, Mansfield and Harris Manchester are amongst colleges in which hall pre-payment is compulsory. In Pembroke for example, a termly £344.76 charge is taken out for first year for undergraduates which provides only one meal token a day.

This translates into over £1000 over the course of the year, with no ability for credit to be carried over to the following term for tokens which have not been redeemed.

There is also evidence to suggest that colleges with the lowest cost of living also admit fewer state school students. Queens, a college nearly 12 times wealthier than Mansfield, has a state school intake of 63.6%, whereas Mansfield has a whopping 94% of students coming from state schools for entry in 2022.

Mansfield accommodation stands at a uniform fee of £1599 a term, plus a compulsory £140 meal deposit. On the contrary, Queens college charges a standard rate of £1396 per term – a compulsory charge of 20% more per term.

A first year undergraduate from Mansfield told Cherwell: “I am really concerned by the amount of colleges that have announced significant rent hikes and worry what me and my friends will do if this happens at Mansfield. We have already noticed increased difficulty affording living in Oxford, especially throughout this term. Money worries are a constant source of additional and unnecessary stress for us.”

It has been previously mentioned to us by staff that the reason why, despite taking the most percentage of state school students and a higher proportion of students from lower socio-economic backgrounds, Mansfield have higher than average rents is because richer colleges that subsidise them dictate as conditions of funding that rent must be charged at such high rates.”

Christ Church, the second wealthiest college, has the second-lowest percentage of state school admissions, with the figure standing at 55.9%. Whilst the average rent at Christ Church is not within the lowest third, the financial help available is much more generous than the average college. For students with a household income under £16,000, rent is decreased by 50%, whereas students from a household income under £42,875 have their rent decreased by 25%. With a 25% reduction in average rent prices, this leaves Christ Church with by far the cheapest rent of any Oxford colleges.  

A rent reduction scheme as the one in Christ Church would largely benefit students from lower-income backgrounds, who more often than not will come from state schools.  This indicates how the unequal distribution of wealth across colleges affects the extent to which colleges may provide their students with financial support. 

A recent Cherwell report highlighted the link between the wealth of colleges and the performance of students in exams, highlighted in the Norrington Table. The five highest-performing Oxford colleges are also some of the oldest and wealthiest, whereas the colleges at the bottom of the table are considered some of the poorer colleges.

President of the SU, Anvee Bhutani, told Cherwell: “The University does operate JRAM (joint resource allocation mechanism) as a great equaliser to redistribute college wealth but far greater care can be given to ensuring that basic living provisions and costs are similar across colleges.”

Despite the reallocation, it is clear that the college affects every aspect of the student experience. For some, college means access to a rich history, generous financial support and high-level academic support. For others, limited college resources mean rent and hall are just another barrier to an accessible University. 

Image Credit: Izzie Alexandrou

“Unafraid to poke fun at the elite” – Review: The Corn is Green

When the coal-faced son of a Welsh mining town, Morgan Evans, meets the schoolteacher Miss Moffat, he asks her for a kiss. Instead, she gives him a nasty whack on the bum.

So begins the relationship at the core of The Corn is Green, Emlyn Williams’ 1938 semi-autobiographical drama, directed by Dominic Cook and running at the National Theatre until 11th June. Miss Moffat plucks Morgan Evans out of the mines, trains him to speak like a gentleman, and stuffs his head with Adam Smith and Voltaire. It’s like My Fair Lady, but gender-swapped and very, very Welsh. 

The central conceit: a playwright (presumably Emlyn Williams), haunted by the ghosts of his past, sits down at his typewriter  to honour their memory. The ghosts of the past are, in the National Theatre’s staging, literal – a chorus of Welsh miners, dirty to the tips of their hair, crowds the corners of the stage to witness the action. They never speak, but sing traditional Welsh songs in rich harmony.

It would be painfully sappy if Williams’ story didn’t demand, well, sap. Miss Moffat (Nicola Walker) arrives in an impoverished mining town in early 19th-century Wales, having inherited an estate from her late uncle. She brings only her servant Mrs Watty (Jo McInnes) and Mrs Watty’s illegitimate daughter Bessie (in a biting performance by Saffron Coomber). Miss Moffat is determined to found a school for miners’ children, despite the protestations of the local squire (Rufus Wright), who insists Miss Moffat has no business ‘puttin ’em up to read English . . . and giving ’em ideas’.

When Miss Moffat meets the orphaned boy Morgan Evans (Iwan Davies), one thing is clear: the two are fated to either love or hate each other. Ultimately, we get both. For an assignment, Evans turns in a poetic reflection on his life in the mines, and Miss Moffat sees the gifted youth hidden beneath the grease and irreverence. She becomes Evans’ teacher, and he her most prized student.

Meanwhile, a variety of local characters step in to help run the school. Alice Orr-Ewing is delightfully vapid as the gentlewoman Miss Moffat; and Richard Lynch gives a likeable performance in the role of handyman John Goronwy Jones. It seems that Morgan Evans has the whole world at his back, willing him to succeed. He’s on the brink of winning a scholarship to Oxford. But life gets in the way, as it does, and Miss Moffat has to learn how far she’s willing to go to help Morgan win a better life.

Walker and Davies give a fine portrayal of the antagonism that can arise between teacher and student, especially when the teacher is a prickly middle-aged Englishwoman and the student is an angry and occasionally drunk Welsh miner. Walker is all hard edges and clipped consonants, with perpetually raised eyebrows. Every human interaction seems to disappoint her. Davies, on the other hand, operates with his brow constantly drawn low – that is, until Miss Moffat gets him to look her in the eye.

In this 160-minute play, the character of the playwright Williams (Gareth David-Lloyd) remains onstage the whole time. He’s orchestrating the thing, after all. Cook emphasises the role of the writer in the creation of the playworld by having David-Lloyd mouth many of the characters’ lines alongside them, read stage directions, and, in one memorable moment, stop the play to revise the narrative in real time. It works. If The Corn is Green is a memory play, the memories belong to the playwright; he deserves to be recognised as their container. 

The set is initially simple, with characters swarming out of Williams’ mind and onto a bare stage. But as Williams fleshes out the world of his childhood, the set becomes more intricate, the shabby schoolroom of Act Two transforming into a proper place of learning by Act Three, wallpaper and carven armrests and all. There’s nothing quite as pretty as a National Theatre production.

But if the stage is a pretty thing, the true glory of The Corn is Green is in its deference to the good people on that stage. My working theory is that someone at the National Theatre sat down and said, “Let’s stage a play about the indomitable human spirit”. After all, Morgan Evans’ emergence from the dirt into the light is a straightforward metaphorl. The play gives credit to the downtrodden Welsh miners of its chorus, and is unafraid to poke fun at the educated elite. When, talking incessantly, Morgan Evans returns from his tour of Oxford talking incessantly, Miss Moffat wonders, ‘If three days at Oxford can do that to you, what would you be like at the end of three years?’

As an Oxford student, I should be abashed. Instead, I’m as delighted as if Morgan Evans pointed at me from the stage and shouted “You!” I guess I’m a sucker for the redemptive quality of learning, and the places where we do it. Although Morgan Evans’ background is vastly different from mine, we both come to Oxford for the same reason: self-improvement.

I think that’s the ultimate sentiment of The Corn is Green – the right teacher, with the right student, and the right books, can change many lives for the better. Oxlove to that.

Image credit: Elliott Brown / CC BY-SA.

Cherwell Town Hall: Anvee Bhutani and Charlie Mackintosh in their own words

0

With Union members going to the polls tomorrow, Cherwell speaks with the candidates for the presidency. They were given the opportunity to comment on everything from the highs and lows of their time at the Union to their favourite musical artists. The interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity.

Charlie Mackintosh

Philosophy, Politics and Economics

New College

Briefly, describe yourself before Oxford

I’m Charlie. I’m from Worcestershire. My dad’s a teacher, and my mum used to work at the BBC. She’s now a self-employed historian. I go to Oxford on an army scholarship, which means I’ll go to Sandhurst after finishing Oxford, and then serve in the army.

Why did you get involved in the Union?

I did debating at school and went to the Oxford Schools Debating Finals. I’d watch YouTube videos – a classic sort of experience of the Union. I spoke with someone who was involved and realised the Union was something I’d love to get involved with. But I maintained very strongly from what I’ve heard from everyone, I didn’t want to get involved with student elections. I thought they were horrible. I thought they weren’t really for me. So I applied for Appointed [Committee] and really, really enjoyed it.  But I sort of realised beyond committee that like, much as you may hate the electoral side of things, you can’t actually do anything. 

Why are you running for president?

Everyone talks about change at the Union in a very short-term manner. The same five pledges are made in every election. That annoys me because if you take a more realistic approach to what you can do, you have the possibility to actually do something. The way you do that is by identifying the barriers to us lowering the membership fee, putting a lift in, and getting a larger budget for access,

What are some highs and lows of the Union experience?

On a personal note, I’ll look back at the photos from the last two years and realise I’m incredibly grateful for the friendships I’ve made. An ex-hack told me that the Union becomes ‘like a second college’, and I’ve found that to be very true. I had my first relationship in the Union, and made some of my best friends here.

On the professional side, my first paper speech was a special moment when I realised how glad I was that I got to do this. My best friend bought membership in the queue so she could come and watch. Also the no confidence debate at the start of the academic year, which was the first debate with full capacity: Jacob Rees-Mogg got booed as he walked in. The atmosphere was electric, and I thought ‘this is what everyone says the Union can be like at its best’.

One thing that’s disappointed me is that the Union has not hosted a panel on the Uyghur genocide. I think it’s an issue that gets nowhere near enough coverage, and the Union has a fantastic opportunity to discuss this matter.

What is a musical artist you can’t get enough of?

Billy Joel. I am in Billy Joel’s top 0.01% of global listeners, and he’s been to the Union twice. He’s the big one for me. I have a BIlly Joel break-up playlist, a Billy Joel Best Old playlist, a Billy Joel happy playlist…

If you could invite three speakers, who would you invite?

  1. Roger Federer
  2. Michael Sandel
  3. Angela Merkel

What is your favourite non-Union event in Oxford?

My college. I named my slate after it. I originally wanted #verb, as I think slate names are incredibly vapid – but my officers vetoed it. 

What’s next for Charlie Mackintosh?

I’ll serve in the army, but it’s important to me that I’m able to have a family and provide my kids with an upbringing similar to the one I’ve had. A lot of the jobs that sort of appealed to me, or a lot of my friends are considering doing aren’t remotely compatible with that. I’ll either train as a teacher or go to law school. I’ll probably end up being a  country barrister, or a history teacher in a secondary school somewhere.

If you had one message for voters, what would it be?

It’s a trope, but actions speak louder than words. Student politics becomes very self-obsessed, self-absorbed. But at the end of the day, people in the Union want good speaker events, fun debates, meaningful change, and a space where they can enjoy themselves and study. The best opportunities for that is by having the people who care most about the institution for its own sake, rather than for what it brings to them. And who know the most about it and the best ways to implement that change. And I think that’s me.

Anvee Bhutani

Human Sciences

Magdalen College

Briefly, describe yourself before Oxford

I was born and raised in the United States, near Silicon Valley in California. Oxford was never really on the cards. On an off chance at 3am online I found a guide for Americans applying to Oxford. I’d never thought of it as an attainable thing. My parents emigrated to America from India in the late 90s for better opportunities for themselves, my sister and me.

Why did you get involved in the Union?
It meant a lot to me to be able to get involved with the Union from the start. I did debating at school and watched Union debates online. After joining in first week, I went to debating workshops every Sunday, and went to Thursday debates as a guest. 

I applied for Appointed Committee at the end of Michaelmas Term of my first year – I was a keen bean! I got rejected. I then worked for four terms at The Oxford Blue. I ended up getting involved in Appointed Committee, but quit at the end of Michaelmas of my second year.

Why are you running for president?
I’ve been involved in a lot of student campaign groups. The most important things for me are things like workers justice and material issues like the living wage. I thought that the SU would be the best forum through which to enact those changes and affect policies which affect students. The SU and Union presidencies are seen as two hugely important student leadership roles. But they’re actually quite different; as SU President, your job is policy making and to represent students. I got re-involved at the Union because I had friends there. And then in Hilary Term (2022) I ran for Secretary because of the people I was running alongside.

What are some highs and lows of the Union experience?

Interviewing Zhou Fengsuo was a big highlight. Such a cool guy. I’d say interviewing Chomsky, as well. That was a bit of a life highlight. I align with Chomsky on a lot of things politically; the guy has opinions and he’s not afraid to show them. Someone like that, with a backbone and strong voice, I really admire.

Low points: in Michaelmas of my first year (2019), I was in the chamber when Ebeneezer Azamati was dragged out of the chamber. I can never shake that off. I was in the chamber when Candace Owens was being protested. That’s something I can never shake off. The Union is for its members, and the fact that members are treated like that is unacceptable. 

There was also a woman who made accessibility requests to people at the Union because her wheelchair needs to be accommodated. Her emails were bounced around, and nobody got back to her. This term she was finally invited in for a meeting and several people spoke to her. I witnessed it happen, and it was horrible. She’s a paying member of the society. Those kinds of moments leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

What is a musical artist you can’t get enough of?

Kendrick Lamar. He released an album last month in May after years of hiatus. I literally haven’t listened to anything like it since. He’s a lyrical genius. He’s a poet. He’s an artist. He’s everything!

If you could invite three speakers, who would you invite?

  1. Angela Davis
  2. Narendra Modi
  3. Kendrick Lamar

What is your favourite non-Union event in Oxford?

I love May Day. Maybe it’s because I go to Magdalen. I stayed up for the past two May Days. The novelty of ‘mundane’ Oxford experiences like going to formals with my friends still hasn’t worn off. In the past year I’ve gone to formals at several colleges. Sure, at Oxford it’s normal and day-to-day. But I think it’s kind of cool.

What’s next for Anvee Bhutani?

At the moment, I think journalism is where I see myself. I enjoy the hustle and bustle of politics, and spectating and commentating on it. Student journalism has been a very fruitful experience, and it’s something I deeply miss.

If you had one message for voters, what would it be?

Pick someone who’s done it before, knows what they’re doing, and knows the job. Anyone can create a good termcard. I’ve done it for five terms. Not everyone can make leadership and governance decisions.

Oh Well apologises for telling the truth

0

After the Union Union article went totally viral because Oh Well is the best, Oh Well sends out its most uncaring apologies to all the Non-Player-Character fools that believed us. This was in fact a great judgement on the part of Oh Well, and we hope this happens again and again and again.  

We are now  taking active steps to address the OEC (Oxford Entitlement Complex). This complex describes the phenomenon of the average Oxford student believing that, because they are privileged enough to attend the University of Oxford, which is RANKED NUMBER ONE IN THE WORLD, which all your friends at home who didn’t get into Oxford also know as you talk about it all the time, which they absolutely despise you for, which you laugh off with the weird obsession that an Oxford 2:1 is better than a first from every other university, which gives you flashbacks to the terrible fifth week blues you experienced, which you tell your siblings and family who didn’t go to Oxford about, which they don’t quite understand because they didn’t go to Oxford, which you get frustrated with because you actually have the power to make a difference in people’s lives with your Oxford degree, which leads to the sad realisation that you are lonely and have no friends, they are better than everyone else. 

Disciplinary actions have been taken. The writers have been rewarded with vouchers to a tonne of formals where they can show themselves off on their Instagram and Snapchat stories about how amazing it is to be at such an old university, a bunch of carnations to prove that no other place has such pretty traditions as Oxford, a load of VKs to at least show that Oxford students do go out at least a bit, and a couple of butlers to clean up after the mess they leave at Christ Church meadows.

Oh Well sincerely hopes that Oxford students will stop thinking they are way more important than they actually are in the future. Although we don’t hold out much hope. Oh well.

President Zelensky to address Oxford students

0

Students at Oxford University will be among those able to attend a virtual address by President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine on June 10th.

The event has been organised as part of an initiative by the Ukrainian Student Union, supported by the Ukrainian Embassy in London. President Zelensky will be addressing the students of eight British universities, including Oxford and Cambridge, and will take questions from their respective Ukrainian Societies. The Oxford University Ukrainian Society will be hosting the Oxford event with the support of the Oxford University International Relations Society.

A former actor and comedian who rose to fame playing a history teacher who became President of Ukraine in the comedy series Servant of the People, President Zelensky has drawn international praise for his leadership after Russia invaded Ukraine in February 2022.

The address will be held in the Oxford Union at 16:30. Prospective attendees are encouraged to register to guarantee entry, as the organisers expect demand for place to be high.

Outcry over Law Foundation Year cancellation

0

Conflicting accounts from LMH and an applicant over the Law Foundation Year cancellation have led to public outcry.

A Facebook post from Monday, June 6 revealed that an applicant to the Lady Margaret Hall Law Foundation Year was refused a place due to staffing changes. The author of the post, Sahil Thapa, a second-year St Catz law student, had been mentoring the applicant. LMH claims to induce “legitimate expectations in students of the chance to try and secure a world-class education”; the subsequent failure of LMH to follow through on their commitments incited Thapa to write the post. 

LMH denies that law tutor resignations played a role in the suspension of this Foundation Year course. In an email to Cherwell, a spokesperson for the college wrote that law tutors “did not feel that any of those short-listed could be supported to the required level to progress to the undergraduate law degree” and for this reason, the programme would not run. 

However, LMH did not tell the applicant concerned of this reasoning until June 6, after which some number of emails had been exchanged between Foundation Year staff, college tutors and members of the Law Faculty. The official decision email from LMH, sent to the applicant on April 22 states that this decision of their unsuccessful application was “no reflection on [their] ability or potential”. Rather, the choice to suspend law as a subject was due to “an unexpected change of staffing” around their Law tutor availability.

Following this email, the applicant sought further clarification from staff involved in the Foundation Year and LMH in general. During these interactions, they were never given an alternative reason for them not being offered a place and were assured that a committee would give her case its deserving consideration. During this time in early May the applicant also began to talk to current Oxford students and seek out alternative methods of instruction from postgraduate tutors at other colleges. 

The Foundation Year wrote to the applicant on May 31st that such arrangements would not be feasible and their time would be best spent revising for their A-Levels and focusing on other university offers. In this email, an administrator for the Foundation Year suggested that the applicant may have misunderstood some conversations she had with other college staff, including the Principal. They also made clear that no change to the admissions decision can be made, despite a lengthy process of consultation.

At that time, the applicant contacted the Law Faculty and discussed the cancellation of the Foundation Year. After being directed to another member of staff, the applicant then received a call on June 6 informing them that had the cancellation of the Foundation year been solely a LMH staffing issue, then the Law Faculty could have helped. Apparently, this was not the case and LMH was instead suspending the program because it could not find any suitable candidates. This interaction is the first point in time in which the academic ability of candidates came up, according to the applicant’s email and call history.

Since Monday June 6, this incident has become a large issue on Oxford students’ social media feeds, especially Facebook. On Oxfess, an Oxford-geared gossip and discussion platform on the social media site, multiple posts were put up. They led to a more detailed discussion on this rejection. An online petition to reinstate the Law Foundation Year for 2022-23 was also created by Thapa. 

It remains unclear whether it is possible that the applicant will end up receiving a place, as is the true reasoning behind why the Foundation Year course in Law was cancelled.

Lady Margaret Hall’s full statement reads

“LMH law tutors interviewed a small number of Law candidates for a potential place on the Foundation Year 2022/23.  In their academic judgement they did not feel that any of those short-listed could be supported to the required level to progress to the undergraduate law degree.  For that reason, there will be no Foundation Year in Law in the coming academic year. At no point were any offers made to any of the applicants.  [Emphasis in original] LMH communicated this decision to candidates as soon as possible and regrets any disappointment caused. “

Image Credit: University of Oxford

Vessel: In conversation with Grace Olusola

TW: fatphobia, eating disorders, self-harm.

Vessel, the new theatrical anthology from Dawn Productions, examines our relationship with the body and food through episodic fragments. Inspired from 128 survey responses from Oxford students, Grace Olusola wrote and directed this quasi-verbatim play to bring forth discussions surrounding these topics.

Talk to me a little bit about the title of Vessel. How did it come about?  

It’s gone through a lot of changes actually, this show. The title always did stay the same actually, apart from the very beginning, but the format was a bit weird. At first it was going to be a one person show, but then I was like “How far is one person going to represent so many voices?”. I’m very aware that I’m speaking to an Oxford, mostly student, audience. That’s when the whole issue of diversity came in. “Okay, this can’t just be about one person”. We need more voices, more opinions, more thoughts in the conversation.

It was just very important to me that the title wasn’t didactic. I don’t want to tell the audience how to feel or think. So, ‘vessel’ is a noun that holds things. It also speaks to that idea that it’s amorphous, the idea that it’s about bodies and it’s about the things that carry us through your life, like our bodies as vessels and morphing from vessel to vessel.

You say that you are aware that you’re speaking to an Oxford audience. What does that mean to you?

It’s very important to me. I think it’s easy to forget that, especially with local theatre, you are speaking to an audience of people who might be your peers, or you are speaking to people in a very specific context, and theatre is kind of uniquely powerful because you can speak to them quite directly. I think that’s such an opportunity that we can’t miss, especially because it’s Oxford.

Oxford unfortunately has quite a high number of people with eating disorders. And I think even beyond that, people sort of find their relationships with food difficult, just because it’s such a high-pressure environment. Like, during the crazy terms, you kind of come to the end and you wonder, “Oh, when did I take any time for myself?”


What prompted you to conduct these surveys and then write a play about them?


I was Women’s Welfare Rep at St Catherine’s College, and it was in the midst of lockdown, so we wanted people to let us know how they’re doing. And so, we just sent a survey and surprisingly, people just kind of poured their hearts out. Giving them a little box and saying, “I want to listen to you, I want to read what you have to say”. That for some reason, got people very confessional. I think they just needed to get it out.

In my time as Welfare Rep, I also witnessed a lot of people struggling, especially with food and body image. Also, within myself, I witnessed weird food and body stuff rising. I think it just felt more urgent than it ever has been because of the pandemic.

[Then I wondered] what if it’s not just my story, but we can get people to contribute, looking more into verbatim stuff, and it kind of all spiralled from there.

You said that you’re going to look at the relationship between food and body image post-lockdown. How has that relationship changed?

I think for me, it started out with the idea of being alone with your brain, what that does to you, and the proximity of food in isolation, just kind of being always there, and the idea that everyone was saying that routine is the best way to keep yourself sane in the pandemic. What I was seeing around me and in myself was the habit of making food part of that routine in not such a healthy way. And I think we haven’t really recovered from that post lockdown. I can see how easy it is for people to transfer habits and rituals, I guess ways of feeling safe, that maybe they didn’t really find pre-lockdown.

I definitely think that we’re kind of coming out of a period where it’s time to assess, and I think that’s up to the individual. Like just assessing where you are at with food. Unfortunately, some eating disorder cases skyrocketed during the pandemic as well. I think people weren’t really connected to their support systems. Talking to one of the BEAT ambassadors (BEAT is the charity to which we are donating 5% of each ticket’s sale) and she was saying that calls to the helpline went up by, like, 300%. It just made it feel even more like we’re kind of reaching a bit of a peak here.

Do you think the relationship between your body and food changes with circumstance?

I grew up in a context where we always had food. My mom was quite a nice cook. But I was always very aware of my shape and size and how I was always quite a bit bigger than people around me. I think, especially if you come from sort of low-income backgrounds, food becomes a bit more of a concern because the price of food, what you’re eating and the perceived healthiness of that food all come into question. And so, I guess food became this precious thing because I know that my mom worked very hard to make sure that food was available to us and she always did. And I’m just very grateful for that. She worked hard in general, including to put good food on the table and it wasn’t always easy. She taught us to appreciate and finish off food. And then coming to Oxford where everything’s so busy, sometimes I find that I don’t eat until dinner. I have to take time and carve out a space to eat mindfully or I have to just grab something on my way and not enjoy it properly.

So it definitely changes. I haven’t quite figured out what my version of health is – I was thinking about what healthy eating looks like to me in different contexts. So, when I go back home, what that’s like compared to when I’m back here. Just trying to fit it into different contexts, I guess, because it’s not always going to be a blanket thing you can add to.

Vessel runs from Friday 10th to Saturday 11th June at the Old Fire Station. Tickets are available online here. Visit Dawn Productions on Instagram @dawnproductions_.

Image credit: Dawn Productions.

Leader: BeReal has the potential to change student social media usage for the better

If there’s anything that defined my teenage years and early adulthood, it’s Instagram. I try as hard as I can to resist the shallow stereotypes associated with people and especially women who avidly use social media, but when the acquisition of Instagram by Facebook coincided neatly with my entry into secondary school, it’s difficult to deny the influence it’s had over the last decade of my life.

We experienced in real time the development of Instagram from place where Year Sevens deposited photos as mundane as a blurry shot of their Starbucks, to the home of the circa-2018 incessant Boomerangs of people’s first legal drinks, to the glorified flea market-with-a-messaging-function it’s become today. For a while, I thought this app would continue to be a protagonist in my life indefinitely, and that I would continue to ask myself whether a given moment worked better as a grid post or a story, but somehow this past term has changed my attitude. I still use social media, but  instead of meticulously planning Instagram story content, I merely wait for the BeReal notification.

On paper, BeReal doesn’t sound particularly revolutionary. There’s the central gimmick of the daily notification at a randomised time (in my experience, anywhere between 10am and 10pm), but beyond that it has the potential to become as homogeneous as Instagram, just in a different way. Instead of posed pre-bop pictures in student kitchens, we get hundreds of pictures of people’s essay crises in the Rad Cam from different angles. 

But the randomly timed notification, at least for me, makes all the difference. BeReal, along with Wordle and other late-pandemic phenomena, only happens once a day and thus has an inherent mechanism to control addictive behaviours, but it is not only parents scaremongering about phone addictions to whom this feature might appeal. When one only feels obligated to post one photo per day, the pressure to document every single second partially disappears and my brain can more easily switch off content-hunting mode. 

Conversely, BeReal places a healthy amount of pressure on that one crucial picture, which deters me from wasting time far better than an impending essay deadline ever could – the app has taught me to be conscious of whatever I’m doing at the present moment just in case that notification happens to strike, and also to see value in smaller moments that aren’t conventionally ‘Instagrammable’. We can also live peacefully in the knowledge that the potential for data breaches is low; the data an app can accumulate from random daily snapshots is surely less than Instagram’s highly curated, consistent displays of its users’ interests.

As well as taking the pressure off of social media, BeReal also helps us have a more healthy relationship with external validation. Even though one can ‘like’ (or rather ‘react to’) a post on BeReal much as they would on Instagram, I understand from the outset that my picture of my laptop screen as I research flights for my summer holiday is not particularly exciting, so my expectations are low and I don’t mind that the only people who regularly react are my boyfriend, parents and a couple of friends. The concept of taking a picture of whatever’s in front of you is worlds away from the agonising process of selecting what to post from an Instagram photoshoot; when the bar is already on the ground for how interesting the content needs to be or how attractive you need to look, then the expectation for people’s effusive reactions are equally low.

Time will tell whether the lessons to be learned from BeReal will stick, or whether it will be remembered as Trinity 2022’s passing fad. But in the meantime, each day I will stay healthily detached from social media until the notification strikes. 

Wycombe Wanderers Season Round-Up – A Rollercoaster Ride to Wembley

0

For me, the world finally felt like it was returning to some semblance of normality as I travelled down to Devon on a balmy Tuesday evening in early August last year. Although I had seen Wycombe Wanderers begin the season with a relatively comfortable home victory over Accrington Stanley three days earlier, the long journey down to Exeter for a Carabao Cup first-round tie represented a much-anticipated return to an activity that had been sorely missing from my life since the end of February 2020: watching Wycombe play away.

On that late winter’s day in 2020, I took a train up from Oxford to South Yorkshire to see Wanderers lose meekly 3-1 against Doncaster Rovers. At the time, the result felt miserable for a whole host of reasons. Of most concern, coronavirus had been looming menacingly over Europe for a few weeks, and after reading a handful of pessimistic articles on Twitter I had already convinced myself of the tragic loss of life to come, as well as the inevitability of the associated lockdowns and social restrictions. Consequently, as my brothers and I trudged out of Doncaster’s Keepmoat Stadium into the fading daylight, I had a strong intuition that I wouldn’t be stepping foot inside a football ground for quite some time.

Besides the global public health situation, however, matters on the pitch also brought little cause for celebration. After a blistering start to the 2019-20 League One campaign, Wycombe – boasting the second-smallest budget in the third tier of English football – had found ourselves in an unlikely position at the top of the table at the turn of the year. However, a post-Christmas slump brought the team and fans back to reality with a hefty bump, to the extent that defeat at “Donny” represented the fifth consecutive away loss that I had attended and the seventh without a win. This included a series of dreadful performances in freezing temperatures against Portsmouth (0-2), Sunderland (0-4), and Milton Keynes (0-2). In fact, we only won one of the ten away games I managed to take in that season and scored just four goals in the process. Thus, it would be an understatement to suggest that 2019-20 hadn’t been a particularly enjoyable year to follow Wycombe around the country.

Given the abject record described above, a rational reader might question quite why I felt so excited to be sitting in the back of a mate’s car on my way to Exeter, in order to recommence a largely futile and somewhat costly endeavour? The first part of the answer to such a question lies with the events of the intervening 18 months, which had transformed my hometown team into an entirely new proposition. As predicted, Wycombe didn’t play another game after the Doncaster loss before the burgeoning Covid crisis forced the abandonment of the remainder of the regular football season. Fortuitously, however, although Wanderers had been left sitting in 8th position when the league was curtailed, after much debate, drama, and throwing-of-toys-out-of-prams by certain clubs (*cough* Peterborough *cough*), the English Football League (EFL) eventually decided to determine the league’s final standings by ranking teams according to their average points-per-game. Incredibly, because Wycombe had played fewer games than the five teams directly above us, this formula catapulted the Blues up into 3rd place and secured us a spot in the playoffs. In addition, despite entering these post-season playoff games as heavy underdogs, the Chairboys (our furniture industry inspired nickname) gratefully took advantage of this big slice of luck by beating first Fleetwood Town, and then local rivals Oxford United at an empty Wembley Stadium to seal promotion to the Championship. Whilst the club’s first-ever appearance in the second division of English football sadly took place behind-closed-doors and ended with controversial relegation – just one point from safety behind financial wrongdoers Derby County – the strengthened squad and bolstered budget acquired during our foray into the league above had set the team up nicely for another push at promotion.

As it happened, my pre-season optimism did not seem particularly well-placed during a thoroughly anti-climactic 90 minutes of football against Exeter, which of course ended in a drab goalless draw. Moreover, those of us in attendance at St James Park witnessed a grand total of four Wycombe players limp off injured over the course of the contest. Sadly, this casualty count included legendary captain Matt Bloomfield, who sustained a severe concussion which forced him into premature retirement after 18 years of service to the club. Thankfully though, the night ended on a high note for us hardy visiting supporters, as Wanderers won a topsy-turvy penalty shootout to progress to the next round, with veteran ex-Premier League goalkeeper David “Stocko” Stockdale the hero. The charismatic Yorkshireman saved an Exeter penalty to keep us in the tie, got to his feet to thump his own attempt into the top corner, then promptly returned to his natural position to save another opposition spot-kick and spark some long-awaited limbs in the away terrace. As my mates and I traipsed back to the car along Exeter’s narrow Victorian streets chanting “We all dream of a team of David Stockdales” (to the tune of The Beatles’ Yellow Submarine), I realised that the football drug was back again. And it hadn’t taken much to hook me.

Fortunately for this relapsed addict, the next football fix wasn’t far away. In fact, I was soon feeling a bit like Tony Montana in his Scarface mansion, because the round trip to the West Country marked merely the beginning of a mini nationwide odyssey facilitated by the fixture Gods, who had scheduled two more away league matches over the subsequent seven days. Like London buses, after what seemed like an eternity of being unable to watch a Wycombe away game, three turned up at once. On the following Saturday, Wanderers won 3-1 at sunny Cheltenham courtesy of two late goals from teenage talent Olly Pendlebury in front of a packed-out away end, allowing me the first taste of an away league win since October 2019. And journeys to these two well-heeled southern towns were then followed by an iconic visit to eventual league winners Wigan Athletic, where Chairboys centre-back Anthony Stewart headed home a completely undeserved last-minute equaliser to trigger delirium amongst the 337 Wycombe-ites who had braved the M6 on a wet midweek evening.

Fittingly, this week-long August road trip perfectly highlighted the most important (yet somewhat counter-intuitive) factor behind the excitement I experienced at the prospect of following my team around the nation again: the non-footballing element. In short – and I mean this is the least patronising way possible – there truly isn’t a better way to see large swathes of England that one would never normally have any motive to visit, and hence meet a range of people from entirely different backgrounds whom one wouldn’t ordinarily have any chance of crossing paths with. Furthermore, away days provide the ideal excuse for keeping in regular contact with siblings and mates from home, whilst offering a fantastic medium for creating new memories and shared experiences. Accordingly, our excursions to random towns and cities across the nation have produced a string of stories and anecdotes, whilst leaving impressions of places and groups of people that I wouldn’t otherwise have any idea about.

Such a point was exemplified in Wigan, where the locals could not have been more hospitable. As an example of this, our pre-match meal at a nearby Indian restaurant was greatly animated by a truly unforgettable fellow customer, who insisted on serving us our food and drinks despite not actually working at the establishment. Rather, it was soon revealed that this character frequented the place at least four times a week (often with his “little lad”) and had basically become an unofficial part of the waiting staff. I genuinely cannot ever recall coming across a more enthusiastically friendly stranger. Later on as we left the Latics’ DW Stadium in a buoyant mood, my already positive opinion of Wigan was further reinforced by a Lancashire lad of about 15, who thoughtfully came over to shake all of our hands and wish us a safe journey home. This gesture was touching, especially from someone so young, and must have taken some mental fortitude given the galling nature of the stoppage-time sucker punch suffered by his team.

Ironically, however, what the well-mannered youth didn’t realise was that we had no intention of heading back south that night at all. Instead, we embarked upon a very soggy trek into the town centre along the Leeds-Liverpool Canal, straight past George Orwell’s famous Wigan Pier (a more stereotypically “Northern” landmark could not be envisaged), and into a cracking little railway-themed pub called Wigan Central. Once drying off inside with a few pints between us, we realised that we’d happened to sit down alongside a group of men who’d had the privilege of being that evening’s official matchday sponsors. Fortunately, a more welcoming bunch would be tough to find! After regaling us with nostalgia-fuelled stories about happier times gone by (the 2013 FA Cup Final win against Man City featured most prominently), these Wigan supporters encouraged us to pose for a photo with a framed, squad-signed t-shirt that had been gifted to them by their club, and then suggested going for further drinks at The Boulevard – Wigan’s premier late-night entertainment venue.

Despite politely declining this offer, by coincidence, the route back to our overnight digs took us straight past the entrance to this relatively underwhelming nightclub, which nonetheless tempted two of our party into a quick change of heart. And although I wisely decided not to join their spontaneous clubbing trip, a room key misunderstanding soon forced me back out into the rain to rescue my mates from a night on the streets. Both were found in a much worse state than they’d been left in a few minutes earlier, and one had to be peeled away from a passionate conversation with two bemused but good-natured Scousers, who were no doubt thankful to be saved from further incoherent ramblings about the evils of Liverpool FC. As one would expect, the drive back home the next morning was not especially pleasant for those who’d indulged in too much alcohol. Nevertheless, it’s fair to say that Wigan will now forever be associated with positive memories of the people and the place!

Building upon this promising start to the League One campaign, Wycombe’s on-field success continued as the season progressed. Consistent wins at home were backed up by solid performances away from Adams Park, including combative 0-0 draws against both Oxford United (hopefully one of my final visits to the miserable Kassam Stadium) and Rotherham United during the Autumn. More memorable however was the Tuesday night trip up to the Etihad Stadium for a Carabao Cup third-round tie against Pep Guardiola’s Manchester City in September. The huge gulf in finances and quality between the two clubs was blindingly obvious, as City eased to a 6-1 victory orchestrated by the likes of Kevin de Bruyne, Phil Foden, and Riyadh Mahrez. Nevertheless, the resounding end result will never detract from the moment of pure elation experienced when striker Brandon Hanlan tapped in a scrappy opening goal to put Wanderers in front against the reigning Premier League champions. The celebrations as the ball hit the back of the next were truly something special to behold, and the roar from the 3000+ visiting supporters in the away end will stay with me forever. After Christmas, a poor loss at Ipswich’s Portman Road was followed by an impressive win over Charlton at The Valley on New Year’s Day, to start 2022 with a bang. Furthermore, despite yet another collapse in form during February, my presence in the stands seemed to act as something of a good luck charm for the team, who remained undefeated in every match I managed to attend during the remainder of the regular season. This included late equalisers at Lincoln and Wimbledon, battling draws at Portsmouth and Gillingham, as well as an outstanding 4-1 demolition of Cambridge.

Outside of this considerable on-field success, my travels across the nation this year could once again be summarised by a series of snapshots of places, people, and events that greatly enriched the actual football-watching experience. Examples include: sitting in a grotty independent pub in Rotherham town centre where a local complained to me about the price of a pint rising to £1.50 (it had been £1.40 the week before!). My brother parking his Ford Fiesta in a bush outside the Kassam because the car park was full and kick-off was imminent. Wycombe’s administrative staff forgetting to bring our pre-bought tickets along with them to Cheltenham, forcing us to miss the first few minutes whilst they printed off spares. Getting my overnight rucksack confiscated by stewards at Man City for literally no reason whatsoever, and then having to pay City’s multi-billionaire owners £10 to retrieve it at the end of the game (I’m still fuming about that one to be honest!). Enjoying a perfect view of The Shard from a London Bridge beer garden on our way back from Charlton. Seeing Wycombe’s maverick American owner Pete Couhig order a round of 60 jagerbombs for all of the away fans huddled around the bar at a pub in Portsmouth. Receiving a personal tour of Pembroke College, Cambridge, from an old undergraduate mate who had recently made the dubious decision to relocate from Oxford to the Fens. Visiting the Fleur de Lis in Gillingham, which ironically may be perhaps the most Brexity pub in England despite its elegant French name. And experiencing AFC Wimbledon’s notorious SWAT-like security team, who made the Wombles’ brand-new Plough Lane stadium feel like a scene out of Escape to Victory.

The upshot of all this travelling and ball-kicking was that Wycombe went into the last match of the season riding the crest of an eleven-game unbeaten run, including vital home victories over fellow playoff contenders Plymouth Argyle and Sheffield Wednesday during the preceding weeks. However, despite accumulating 80 points from these first 45 games – a total that would have guaranteed a League One play-off place in virtually every previous campaign since they were introduced in 1987 – the Chairboys entered the final day showdown against Burton Albion outside of the coveted top 6 positions. Instead, after an ultra-competitive run-in, Wanderers found ourselves in seventh, level on points with Plymouth (but with a slightly inferior goal difference), one point behind Sunderland, and two behind Sheffield Wednesday. Therefore, because only three of these four clubs could make the end-of-season playoffs, we required at least one of the others to slip up elsewhere, even if we won our own game. Despite the precariousness of the situation, 1600 Wanderers supporters travelled up to Staffordshire in an expectant mood, accompanied by hundreds of photo-booth style inflatables which were gleefully chucked around the sold-out away terrace. Moreover, one enterprising fan had also organised the distribution of 250 cardboard face masks depicting the distinctive face and unkempt curls of Wycombe’s much-loved manager Gareth Ainsworth, which further added to the surreal nature of the crowd.

With 83 different outcomes possible before the final round of fixtures kicked off simultaneously across the country, a tense 90 minutes of checking scores on phones and complex mathematical permutations had been anticipated. Thankfully though for any of us with a nervous disposition, the afternoon could hardly have unfolded in a more relaxing way for those of a Wycombe persuasion. By half-time, playoff rivals Plymouth had dramatically imploded at home to Milton Keynes Dons, finding themselves three goals down and reduced to ten men. In contrast, former Wales international forward Sam Vokes had put Wycombe 1-0 up just before the break with his 16th strike of the season – a trademark bullet header from a Joe Jacobson corner. Consequently, not even a second-half equaliser for our hosts could dampen the party atmosphere generated by those in blue behind the Burton goalposts, as Plymouth eventually succumbed to a horrific 5-0 defeat. In fact, a late winner from Wanderers left-back Jordan Obita proved entirely inconsequential, apart from providing one last regular-season celebration for the Chairboys fans in attendance. After escaping Burton’s Pirelli Stadium with an inflatable orange guitar as a souvenir of the day, a joyous few hours in this agreeable little Midlands market town followed. Burton-upon-Trent is famous for its breweries, and the town centre boasts a pub on almost every corner. Needless to say, I eventually caught my train back to Oxford with some degree of reluctance, although the journey home was greatly improved by a chat with a Nottingham Forest fan sat next to me, who shared a mutual disdain for Derby County.

Quickly on to the playoff semi-finals then, which saw Wanderers come up against an MK Dons side in red-hot form, as highlighted by the thrashing they had handed out to poor old Plymouth just four days earlier. Before continuing further, I will freely state that I despise Milton Keynes far more than any other club in the world (please Google their “history” if you want to understand why), and thus the prospect of losing to our controversial county rivals in these playoff games was highly unpalatable. Happily for me though, Wycombe’s players clearly thought something similar, as they produced one of the all-time great Wanderers performances to come away with a 2-0 lead from the home leg of the two-match encounter. MK’s talented players were clearly rattled as Adams Park was transformed into a hostile cauldron of noise, the like of which I’d never experienced before, and our opponents struggled to impose any of their much-vaunted silky passing style that had taken them to third place in the league table.

Three days later, the second leg at Stadium MK proved to be an entirely different ball game (both literally and metaphorically), as our North Bucks opposition finally showed why they’d had such a successful year by putting on one of the most dominant displays you will ever see in football. However, despite conceding an early goal and then being subjected to the equivalent of an attack versus defence training session for the best part of two hours, the Wycombe boys – backed by an unbelievable away atmosphere – heroically clung on for a 1-0 defeat and hence a 2-1 aggregate victory. I have never attended a football match anywhere near as stressful as that one, and I doubt I ever will again. Several heart attacks were narrowly avoided as the Wanderers goal just about withstood a monumental siege, and I won’t hesitate to admit that the outpouring of emotion sparked by the final whistle left me on the verge of tears. Poetically, MK had done us a huge favour by allowing us into the playoffs in the first place, only to suffer elimination at our very own hands. In direct contrast, Wycombe were off to Wembley! The result could not have tasted any sweeter.

And so on to the playoff final. The last hurdle at the end of a marathon campaign. An all-or-nothing fixture. Mighty Sunderland lay in wait for Wycombe after overcoming Sheffield Wednesday in the other semi. Sunderland, a Premier League sized club with a Premier League standard stadium and a Premier League quality fanbase, who had nonetheless been confined to the third tier of English football for four frustrating years after prolonged mismanagement resulted in a rapid decline. 73,000 spectators would be present, the second-largest crowd at a Wycombe fixture ever, behind only the FA Amateur Cup Final in 1957 (also at Wembley). Games don’t come much bigger than this!

Finally, after slogging through two agonisingly slow-moving weeks, the big day arrived. A direct train from Oxford to Wembley was followed by a raucous few hours in The Torch public house, and then a walk down Wembley Way to the most iconic football stadium in the world. We went inside, took our seats, sang the national anthem, and watched the match kick-off. Then, in what felt like the blink of an eye, it was suddenly all over. Wycombe had lost 2-0, the result was comprehensive, and the better team had deservedly won. There was no doubt about it. We had saved one of our poorest showings of the year for the biggest game of all, and a fairy-tale ending for Wanderers’ 40-year-old retiring legend Adebayo Akinfenwa never looked close to materialising. After all that, Wycombe would be staying in the same division next year.

As the final blast of the referee’s whistle signalled an end to the 2021-22 season, I slumped down in my seat. Dejected. Heartbroken. Empty. I thought about the thousands of miles of road/rail travelled, the hundreds of pounds spent on tickets/fuel, and the tens of pints consumed. I thought of the time passed with the best of friends, and the fleeting acquaintances with strangers from all over the country who I’ll never meet again. I thought of the highs and the lows, the agony and the ecstasy, the boredom and the drama spanning from Exeter in early August to Wembley in late May, and everywhere else in between. Had it all been for seemingly nothing?

Don’t be silly, of course, it hadn’t! In fact, as 50,000 jubilant Sunderland fans poured their heart into a truly spine-tingling rendition of their club anthem, Elvis Presley’s Can’t Help Falling in Love, the sentimental lyrics particularly resonated with me as they reverberated around England’s famous national stadium:

Wise men say

Only fools rush in

But I can’t help falling in love with you

Call me a fool if you want, but I’d fallen in love with Wycombe Wanderers again. Therefore, it had been worth every single second. Besides, there’ll always be next season…!

Images: Sam Day