Thursday, May 15, 2025
Blog Page 262

Reading for pleasure: Finding what you enjoy

Amy Evans
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Reading for pleasure: Finding what you enjoy

It seems ironic that one of the reasons I applied to study English in the first place was because I enjoyed reading, but it has been increasingly difficult to maintain reading as a hobby the further I get into my degree. Once a favourite pastime, reading for me is now something that all too often gets ignored during term time. 

Reading for fun is not the same as reading a book to study it. This may be obvious to some people, but it took a while for me to realise that my love of Jane Austen books didn’t necessarily mean I would enjoy studying one of them. In fact, many of the books that I enjoyed studying the most are the ones that I would never normally read. But with so much reading to do for university, how could there be time to read recreationally too? Most of the time – especially in term time – there isn’t.  

Using my local library’s access to e-books and audiobooks during the vacations has actually been a big part of getting me into reading again, as many of the books that I wanted to read, from Bridget Jones’s Diary to Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series, were available to borrow. I’ve also been revisiting series I enjoyed when I was younger, finally going back to the Percy Jackson series. Importantly, I’ve been trying to actually get through the books I do own but have yet to read, like Neil Gaiman’s American Gods. I think it’s crucial to use libraries and actually get through the books you already own; reading has been increasingly commodified by social media influencers showing off their beautiful and expensive hardbacks of every book in existence and in my opinion, this is not a positive thing. If I consume online content about books, I prefer influencers who actually discuss what they are reading and are aware of their potential contributions to consumerism, as opposed to just making ‘book hauls’, as those types of videos actually inspire me to read rather than just to buy more books.   

I think it’s important to figure out what books you actually want to read, outside of the types of books that other people are reading, or that are most popular. For me, that tends to be books in the fantasy genre. It’s also important to remember that the age categories put on books are more about marketing those books to certain audiences than telling you what you can and can’t read. For example, Percy Jackson might be categorised as teen or middle grade, but that doesn’t mean you can be ‘too old’ to enjoy a book. 

Making time for reading during term time is certainly difficult. I often listen to audiobooks and read comics, because it can be more feasible than trying to get through a big novel while also juggling the busyness of a university term. I also am trying to let myself put a book down and move onto another one if I don’t like it. Hobbies are supposed to be fun, so what is the point of trying to read a book that you don’t like? It’s not like if you give up on a book that you’re reading for fun, anything is going to happen. The only negative thing about not reading a book is that you can’t tell other people that you’ve read it – and that shouldn’t be the goal of reading.

For me, reading for pleasure is about finding what you enjoy and reading that. If you’re spending all your time studying the likes of Shakespeare, Marlowe and Milton, then why shouldn’t you be able to read anything you want in your own time, whether that means fantasy, sci-fi, poetry or anything else? I think that was the problem for me. I just didn’t know what I wanted to read; I tried to read a lot of things that I didn’t really want to read because I felt like I should be reading it. Admittedly, sometimes I was pleasantly surprised, but now that I know what I want to read I have found it a lot easier to choose books that I know I’ll like. I rely a lot on reading reviews and looking at online discussions where people recommend books based on what they personally enjoy. I also often ask people I know with similar taste in books to me for their recommendations.  

All in all, I’m a lot better at choosing books now, and I’m finding it easier to make time to read them, the more I make a conscious effort to do so. I hope anyone who can relate to this article feels reassured that being a student doesn’t mean you have to stop enjoying books!

Image Credit: Electron // CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

John Evelyn: 1st Week, Hilary Term 2022

John Evelyn
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John Evelyn: 1st Week, Hilary Term 2022

Termcard? Late. Hacking? Early. You’re welcome Oxford. Well at least it’s good to see that the Union is keeping to tradition. 

It has been confirmed that The Second String Yank was the unnamed appointed committee defector hinted at in last week’s column, joining the rest of the foreigners on Connect 2.0. John Evelyn wonders if they are in fact out of the country, as it seems they’ve completely missed the gun on starting their hacking.

The Univ Queen must have been doing some serious yoga over the break, as she showed remarkable political flexibility by showing up to OULC to hack. The Not-Secretary was close in tow, but Mr Debit Card was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he was trying to slate that last allusive officer candidate after a few disheartening rejections. Poor bubs.

The LMH Enforcer kicked off Super Saturday by enforcing a strict no-fun policy at his campaign launch party. Attendees were treated to some beats dropping harder than the government’s approval rating, but not quite as hard as the mood. John Evelyn is no mathematician, but even he knows that 6:30pm start + LMH library ≠ mad rave. Speaking of parties, the Enforcer and friends are trying to avoid one of the sausage variety, as they desperately try not be the only slate that is literally just blokes.

In other phallic news, the CC has a new secretary, with the Ghost of Otto Barrow delivering a rock hard hust to secure the prestigious position. John Evelyn hears he is excited to start, but fears he will end up as collateral damage in the brewing turf war between the ROs and elected officials on whether the minutes should be in Times New Roman or not. Exciting stuff.

Even more to come. John Evelyn x

Blackwell’s removes antisemitic conspiracy book

Isaac Ettinghausen
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Blackwell’s removes antisemitic conspiracy book

Blackwell’s has removed an antisemitic conspiracy document from shops after the book’s promotion as “interesting” was met with outrage by the Jewish community.

The Oxford booksellers had originally listed The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, a well-debunked manual detailing supposed Jewish plans for world domination, with an antisemitic synopsis which did not fully refute the text’s legitimacy. 

The description used read: “Some say the issue has already been settled conclusively — that [The Protocols] is clearly a forgery. Although there may be final evidence to this effect, we have not seen a clear and convincing version of it produced by those making this claim.”

It continued: “If The Protocols are a forgery, they still form an interesting book which deserves to be studied. If, however. The Protocols are genuine (which can never be proven conclusively), it might cause some of us to keep a wary eye on world affairs. We neither support nor deny its message, we simply make it available for those who wish a copy.”

Marie van der Zyl, President of the Board of Deputies of British Jews, said that “It is astounding that a supposedly reputable retailer would distribute a notorious antisemitic forgery accusing a cabal of Jews of being behind a plot to rule the world, with a blurb on its website that claims the work could be genuine.” 

The Board of Deputies was among a group of Jewish organisations condemning the books sale, along with the Campaign Against Antisemitism and Holocaust Educational Trust.

In a statement released on 27th January, Blackwell’s wrote: “To confirm our position, we have in response to a large number of comments removed completely from our website the details of a particular book. This book is in fact an antisemitic hoax, which has been used by extremists since it was first published 150 years ago  to justify anti-Jewish hatred.”

The statement said the site had used the offensive synopsis because “with over 18 million books on our website it is standard practice in online bookselling to list books with the book descriptions provided by the book publishers as we are unable to physically check this many records.”

It continued: “Generally it is our belief that books should be made available, even hateful books, so they can be studied and understood with a view to ensuring that such despicable views cannot gain credence in the future. Given that this publication is a forgery however, we take the view that continuing to list such a publication would only provide a platform for the lies it seeks to propagate.”

A spokesperson for Oxford’s Jewish Society said that “As a Jsoc we were saddened by the lack of care taken by Blackwells in the advertising of this book. We hope this incident will make people more aware of their responsibility in the representation of this text.”

Blackwell’s was approached for comment.

Image: Rosewoman / CC BY 2.0

Pope Francis’ comments on parenthood are nothing new for childfree women

Iseult de Mallet Burgess
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Pope Francis’ comments on parenthood are nothing new for childfree women

CW: sexism/misogyny

People who choose not to have children are selfish, according to Pope Francis – who must be something of an expert on the subject, having chosen not to have children himself. 

“Today…we see a form of selfishness,” the Pope told a general audience at the Vatican last week. “We see that some people do not want to have a child.” He specifically chastised couples who have pets but no children, something he claims “diminishes us,” and “takes away our humanity.” 

This isn’t the first time the Pope has scolded people who don’t have children. In 2014, the pontiff warned that “selfish” childfree people would eventually succumb to the “bitterness of loneliness.” 

Yet this rhetoric is nothing new for childfree people – childfree women in particular, for whom normative gender roles create inextricable links between womanhood and motherhood. 

Gender is not innate, but a culturally constructed class system in which the class of woman is fundamentally juxtaposed against and subjugated by the class of man. Central to this class system are conceptualisations of normative femininity, which are unquestionably bound to motherhood. Women’s corporeal tie to children justifies an unequal and gendered division of labour and the “naturalization” of caregiving roles for women within the domestic sphere. Queer theorists also suggest that the social and political function of children is to regulate women’s sexuality within a social order that mandates heteronormativity and procreation. 

A 2018 study documented the negative perceptions and prejudice that childfree women face: they are overwhelmingly seen as “selfish,” “dissatisfied,” and cold. Childfree women have also elicited social reactions of “disgust” and “moral outrage.” The study cites research indicating that women without children face discriminatory outcomes in occupational and medical settings. It’s common for physicians, for example, to deny a patient surgery on the assumption that a woman will change her mind about wanting children. 

We don’t have to look far to see these negative perceptions in action: former Australian prime minister Julia Gillard immediately comes to mind. Gillard endured years of sexism and misogyny for being a childfree woman in power. In 2007, former conservative senator Bill Heffernan described Gillard as unqualified for leadership because she was “deliberately barren.” In 2010, politician George Brandis maintained that Gillard was a “one dimensional” person who, because she had chosen not to have children, couldn’t possibly understand former PM Tony Abbott’s controversial argument that a woman’s virginity is a gift to give to her husband. Former Labor leader Mark Latham claimed that Gillard was “wooden” and lacked empathy because she had chosen not to have children.

Like Gillard, most childfree women are constantly expected to justify and explain themselves: to divulge their personal medical histories, to describe how the current economic climate is not conducive to child-rearing, to explain that childfree people tend to be happier than parents, to maintain that they’re not willing to become another maternal mortality statistic, to detail the gendered division of labour – when not wanting children should itself be reason enough for not having them. 

So perhaps, instead of scolding childfree couples, the Pope’s efforts would be better directed towards doing more for the secret children of not-so-celibate priests. Or towards re-examining the church’s own decidedly anti-family celibacy policies. Or towards having children of his own.  

Image: Catholic Church England and Wales/ CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 via flickr

Reflections on Rustication: Suspending to see the bigger picture

Zahra Lahrie
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Reflections on Rustication: Suspending to see the bigger picture

CW: Mental Health, Suicide, Depression, Eating disorders, Substance abuse

In Michaelmas 2021, I attempted suicide by paracetamol overdose. Following three days in hospital, I made the decision to suspend my studies, with the intent of returning back to my degree and the institution in October 2022.

I used to regard my offer to study at the University of Oxford as the most notable success in my life. Conversely, the notion of suspending my studies or potentially withdrawing from my course felt like submitting to failure.

My difficulty coping with the excessive pressure and culture of hyper-productivity is not a unique struggle. Like many others, I faced my fair-share of essay-crises, late-nights and existential moments wondering whether I was meant to pursue this degree.

Ironically, I was also one of the many who joked about suspending my studies. When perusing the anonymous confessions on “Oxfess”, one can find countless posts from peers flippantly insisting that they are on the verge of dropping out or rusticating. Even among friends, struggles with the workload are divulged under the guise of jokes about our mental health being in decline.

Indulging in this jesting, I simply attributed my outlook to the shared experience of Oxford’s academic rigour and intensity. However, this environment of dark humour entails that it is harder to recognise and seek early intervention for mental health issues. If everyone is making light of their welfare and academic struggles, surely what I am feeling is not something to worry about? We dismiss the validity of our issues as we convince ourselves that we signed up for this in taking on a place at Oxford. Retrospectively, I know that I did.

However, it is becoming increasingly known that the normalised attitudes towards one’s worsening welfare… is not so normal. I want to share my experiences about dealing with mental illness and ultimately suspending my studies, to encourage the further disillusionment with the Oxford culture of hyper-productivity. Using humour as a coping mechanism is healthy, and this culture at Oxford encourages comradery. It helps us realise that we do not live in a bubble and our fellow students are just like ourselves, which is a great source of comfort. Yet, Oxford’s culture results in students looking past wellbeing red flags and suffering through their academic journey, thinking that this is normal. 

Furthermore, I hope that in relaying my personal plight that I reveal more about the unfortunately taboo topic of mental illness, how I reached the decision to suspend my studies, plus whether colleges and the central university are doing enough to support students considering rustication.

Michaelmas 2021 was not the first time I had contemplated suspending my studies. Almost exactly a year prior, I found myself in the same dark place. Huddled up in my bed in my college room, I had done the same thing: I had consumed excess paracetamol with the intent of taking my life. Like this Michaelmas, I was admitted to hospital for three days. My encounters with suicide stretch further back; that time being like the time before, when I had made a similar attempt at the beginning of my A-Levels. That time was like the time before that, and that time mirrored the time even before then. 

I was stuck in a disastrous cycle of suffering, and each time, suicide seemed the means of setting myself free. Yet, a few moments after I had taken these seemingly irreversible steps, I would reach out to report what I had just done. Every single time. When the imminent approach of death suddenly dawned on me, I realised death is not what I sought. I desired an escape from my suffering, but not life itself. The human instinct to live, to fight with every effort in your body to keep on living, is most pronounced when the prospect of dying is felt with full sincerity.

Last year, with my arm hooked up to an IV drip and bowls filled with sick dotted around my bed (owing to the effect of the medication), I made the decision to suspend my studies. Yet, despite taking the steps to do so by approaching the college welfare team, I still found myself back in a hospital bed with ever worsening mental health. 

Understanding why I had not suspended my studies was a tough process. I could no longer attribute my present state to ignorance; spending time in hospital only two months into my degree had made me acutely aware that my mental health required dire attention. It was the hardest pill to swallow but I came to the conclusion in the aftermath of events, that when I decided not to suspend my studies the year prior, I was aware that I was not well and knew that I was forsaking my well-being. 

I could not suspend my studies because doing so felt equivalent to withdrawing. I had made it to the University of Oxford, a prestigious university that many adolescents dream about attending. Choosing to leave Oxford, even if temporarily, made me feel ungrateful and like a failure. During my time at Oxford, I had begun to tie my personality to my academic performance and even mere membership of the university. I identified with pride as a law student at Brasenose College. My friends and support network were at Oxford. I made a reputation for myself by ambitiously engaging with every extracurricular I could. I submerged myself in Oxford’s infamous culture of hyper-productivity, without realising I was drowning.

Therefore, suspending my studies felt scarier than suffering and struggling with mental illness for another two years. In fact, I wore my struggles as a badge; it seemed like proof that I was working hard. Meanwhile, my ability to concentrate deteriorated, I felt stuck to my bed and isolated myself from loved ones. The effects of my worsening mental health manifested in my academic attainment, in the form of missed essays and tutorials. Attributing my self-worth to my academic attainment, as so many fellow students do, meant that I sustained emotional injury from every stumble I faced in my degree. 

Like a toxic relationship with someone you love, I needed to gain space from Oxford to see the broader picture. Suspending my studies was an opportunity to do that. The sense of relief that filled my heart when the decision was finalised confirmed that this was the right decision. The greatest insight I have gained from being outside the Oxbridge bubble is that an Oxford degree is meant to be hard, but not painful. I am meant to feel intellectually pushed and challenged by the deadlines. However, my health and general well-being should not be sacrificed in my attempts to meet these expectations. Only by suspending my studies and experiencing adult life outside of Oxford have I realised how harmful my outlook had previously been. Instead, this time away from the institution has instilled me with a hope and love for life that I had lost to years of mental illness.  Now, I see a future at Oxford, where I can enjoy the academic rigour of my degree whilst maintaining my health.

Attending the University of Oxford is no longer my best success story. Having the courage to suspend my studies and confront my most pressing issues, despite facing internal resistance to such an action, is my greatest victory. 

Image Credit: Thomas Coyle

Observing Oxford: Pret

Kaya Gadhia
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Observing Oxford: Pret

I will preface this article with an acknowledgement of the fact that the staff of Pret-A-Manger on Cornmarket Street have probably seen me at my lowest of lows, and for that I can only apologise. In fact, the frequency with which I visit Pret – to the extent that I often find my tired, hungover, or delirious body walking there on autopilot as a weird sort of stress response – is what provoked me to write this column. I know I am not the only one who has naively fallen into the off-red and white chokehold of a Pret subscription, and I am not ashamed. As a student body we have become blinded by the promise of five free coffees a day, or the temptation of a lukewarm and consistently just little-bit-too-stale, almond croissant. 

The liminality of Pret, specifically Cornmarket Pret, with its lopsided floors, uneven tables and illogical seating arrangement holds a sentimental place in my heart. It is a hangout spot for every state of being. In the many hours I’ve spent and probably wasted there attempting to work but instead people watching, I’ve noticed a perfect balance between people who have their act together, directly offset by people who very much don’t. From potential couples awkwardly sharing a post-coital pain au chocolat only to go their separate ways and ignore each other on the street for the rest of their degree, to bleary eyed students at the end of an all-nighter, dry heaving into their caramel macchiatos, Pret is a place for everyone. And it is probably the best snapshot of student life at Oxford I can think of. 

In fact, I remember one occasion in Trinity of my first year, settling down to revise for my Prelims, only to find myself sat next to one of the most cliched and textbook break-ups I’ve ever seen. The pained words ‘Its’s not you, it’s me’, ‘I just value our friendship too much’ and ‘I just can’t commit to anything long term right now’ rung through the upper seating area. This ordeal was made infinitely better by the fact that it was literally 9 am on a Tuesday morning, and the (now ex) couple were very clearly in their clothes from the night before. I didn’t question it at the time, but now I wonder – why choose to break up with your girlfriend in Pret? And Cornmarket Pret of all places. 

Taking this episode as  inspiration, I decided to conduct my own social experiment. As will be the case for the next three instalments of this column, albeit in different locations, I planned to camp out in Pret for the day, and simply write about what I saw. On a selfish level I wanted to find a justification for the amount of time I have spent there, overheating and overcaffeinated. But it would also inspire a point of reflection. As students we spend the majority of our time chained to our books, deadlines, and essays that we often fail to look up and observe what is going on around us. It would almost feel like a luxury to actively take the time to step back from my own academic world, be present, and observe. 

Of course, my intentions were fool proof, however I slept through my alarm this morning, and everything fell apart. 

Shuffling past a sea of college puffer jackets at 10:30 holding £4 plastic pots of mango cubes, sandwiches drowning in mayonnaise, and unacceptably milky porridge, I made my way upstairs. As I was embarrassingly late for Pret standards, there was only one desk available, and I soon found out why. Oat milk mocha in one hand, my pride and ego resting in the other, I settled down to work only to realise that the reason the table was unoccupied was because it was broken, and it immediately lost balance and crashed sideways onto the floor. 

Judging by the reaction (read: smug smiles), of those around me I knew I was not the first to make that mistake, but it did initiate a head-hanging walk of shame straight down the stairs and all the way back to the safety of college. I would have attempted to return that afternoon, but I knew I had already seen enough, and the customers had probably already seen enough of me. There might be a life lesson in this, as not a single student told me about the desk induced peril I was about to endure, but I think that might be too cynical. Instead, I would encourage you to look up from time to time and observe what is going on around you as you might find humour in it, even if it is at my expense. 

Although I have suffered many times at the hand of a lack of ice in the summer, or the fact that big Pret doesn’t make smoothies out of principal, which I will never understand, I have certainly saved money. With gratitude to my uni friends and every member of my immediate family bar two or three non-communicative cousins I have rinsed them of their free trials. In my entire year and a half as a student here, I have yet to pay for a Pret coffee, and I never intend to. Faced with the sad reality that there are no more people I can persuade to give me their free trial, I am lost. Of course, it is better for my health, and the stability of my heart rate to reduce my caffeine intake, but part of me will miss showing up to a tutorial, wired to the point of shaking by a poor quality black americano. 

From study dates, to break ups, to Union hack coffees, Cornmarket Pret is a place for everyone. Its charming wonkiness welcomes you into its open arms when you need it the most, and for that we can only say thank you. 

Image Credit: Palickap, CC BY-SA 2.0

Pens, Paper and Panic: On the differences between OCD at home and at university

Ciara Rushton
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Pens, Paper and Panic: On the differences between OCD at home and at university

CW: anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD, can be characterised by a heavy reliance on routine. Individuals such as myself that live with the condition can very quickly become reliant on the stability provided by certain day to day routines, especially given that a symptom of OCD can be a reliance on performing certain compulsions, such as only being able to shower at certain times of day. Over the vac, I certainly got used to a much different routine than that I am used to in Oxford – it’s shocking how quickly our brains slip back into old habits once we’re back at home. 

My OCD contributes significantly to a feeling my friends and I have often described to each other: feeling like we have one life at home, and one at university. My experiences with OCD at home and here have many similarities and are yet also incredibly different. At home, without my own space, my compulsions seem much more restrictive; only being able to cook dinner at a certain time, or having to turn off the lights a particular number of times before I go to bed to make sure I feel safe can be a lot more difficult when I have to share a space with the rest of my family. However, I’m able to adapt to this once I have the time to do so, which a six week vacation at home gives you.

But this led me to worry whilst I was still at home – how would I adjust back to my lifestyle in Oxford once again? Though, this time, I would be used to it to an extent given that I was coming back for my second term, as someone with OCD it is nevertheless incredibly daunting to have to shift your routine all over again. It took me long enough to get used to being back at home and not having such intense contact hours to structure my day with. Adapting to a new routine, another intensively academic term, and having my own space once again can be a shock to the system when OCD latches so easily onto having a strong sense of routine in your life. I find, thankfully, that my reliance on routine does allow me to fall rather easily into one, but it is still a daunting prospect to once again upend your life, especially when your condition almost centres on maintaining a level of control over aspects of it. 

I also find that my compulsions manifest differently at university than at home. Because I have my own space, I find that a lot of my compulsions begin to rotate around feeling safe and comfortable in that space; keeping certain items exclusively in certain parts of the room, opening my window at a certain time every morning, and so on. It is certainly easier to formulate a sense of routine with heavy academic contact hours to shape my day, but I do find that this leaves me struggling more on the days in which I am left more to my own devices or independent study. Dealing with the switch back to an entirely different routine has certainly impacted on my ability to deal with my OCD as a whole, strengthening how much I feel a lot of my compulsions.

Because of how my OCD manifests, I also find that it has quite significant relevance to the actual academic side of my university experience. Last term, I focused quite heavily in this column on the idea of perfectionism. This idea has been a common theme in my experience of OCD throughout the years; during my school years it became something of an inside joke, but it developed into an obsessive, compulsive need to achieve absolute perfection in all academic endeavours, with no space for failure. Therefore, it is probably no surprise that, with typical work pressures and the new, added stress of collections, returning to Oxford certainly led to a spike in my experience of this. Despite friends and coursemates telling me that I’ve worked enough, and knowing in myself that I had worked as hard as I could, the perfectionist manifestation of my OCD once again struggled to adapt to the sudden manner in which I was thrown back into work upon returning to Oxford. Again, due to the shift in routine that took place over the vacation, I found it difficult to comprehend once again having to work to a tight schedule, sometimes meaning I couldn’t complete everything to the exact perfect standard my condition tells me I must meet. 

Yet, just as I did last term, I am hoping to learn more about my condition through my experiences at university. Though it comes with a unique set of struggles, which I am learning to balance with my work, OCD is a condition that no one is alone in experiencing, and the challenges it poses are ones that can be overcome with help and treating yourself with kindness, as difficult as this can sometimes be. 

Over the duration of term, my next few columns will look at different issues relating to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, based upon my own personal experiences. Next week, I will look more in depth at the concept of contamination OCD, and how it can impact the university experience for those with the condition, including looking at navigating university nightlife as a student with OCD.

Image Credit: Tejvan Pettinger, CC BY 2.0

Hiraeth: An ode to the unclaimed objects in my bag

Anmol Kejriwal
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Hiraeth: An ode to the unclaimed objects in my bag

Last autumn, I was forced to pick and choose pieces of my life that I wanted to bring with me to university as I packed to move halfway across the world from India. I tried to fit in as much as I could within the stingy baggage allowance. My belongings sat piled against each other: the soft folds of sadness over having to leave the comforts of the familiar pushed against the hardbound spines of the books listed on my reading list. I vividly recall the argument I had with my mother: I refused to remove my copy of “India after Gandhi ” by Guha, a book I wished to carry as a personal read rather than academic requirements. In hindsight, I did not know that as I struggled to make space for both  Guha and Perry Anderson, it would be a sort of foreshadowing, a kind of a microcosm if you will, of a life that I would come to become familiar with.  A weighing sense of dichotomy between my culture, languages and history that amalgamate to shape my ‘brown’ identity and my surroundings.

Over time I’ve come to realise that they feel the heaviest in the careless moments which hold no significant value in the grander scheme of things. As I set my bag down on one of the wooden desks of the Upper Camera, and start to pull out my books and laptop, subconsciously I notice an array of my belongings tumble out alongside and realise each one carries with it a neatly packaged bundle of thoughts, musings and uncomfortable histories. Half an hour passes; they hang there uncomfortably, while I pretend to pay attention to Dworkin’s essay on ‘Rights’. I can no longer hold back. As discreetly as I can, I pick them up, one at a time, and caress them softly. 

Palestinian poet, Mahmoud Darwish’s words ‘our love is an inherited disease’ echo in my mind. Never does it seem more true than in that moment in the warm- yellow lamp stained stillness of the Bodleian Libraries. I realise that being ‘Brown’ runs deeper than an extra shot of melatonin in my skin: it’s the conditioned familiarity and subsequent comfort I feel in the prolonged ‘a’s and the rough edged ‘r’s in my name, the sliver of hope that age-old Hindu prayers extend to my anxious mind and my perennial dalliance with history, community, love and grief. 

I question the relevance of the perceived gap I feel between my surroundings and myself. I wonder if this dichotomy is real or whether it’s a consequence of the internalised postcolonial lens that I’ve been conditioned to view myself through that leads me to constantly feel like an outsider, tipping around carefully in measured steps, as one does when one feels as if they’re intruding in someone’s home. 

 I am now compelled to come to terms with facets of my identity and reality, that I wasn’t particularly aware of since I naively assumed that they were natural; and they were, in the limited world that I lived in before coming to oxford. There are culture shocks I’m still coming to terms with (Marmite, really?!) and ideas and histories I’m still struggling to convey. 

I’ve come to recognise my role as a translator of sorts, as I struggle to choose and translate between cultures. While I adapt to a new culture, the guilt of leaving behind my own habits and traditions weighs me down. This guilt turns into frustration, widening the apparent chasm of ‘otherness’. I often think about the fragments of my past and how, if at all, significant they are to my identity. I wonder if I’m being foolish in wanting to cling to the suffering of familial and communal history. The questions  become notably heavier as I pause and ask myself: How can I not when my past, present and future are stained with my ever- present dalliance with my deep rooted history and the familial connection I feel with loss, pain and fragile resurrected ambitions.  I’m not sure where the boundaries lie. I’m not sure if there are any to begin with. 

Over the next few weeks, this column will seek to unpack the echoes of poetry and politics, familial history and acquired loss that I subconsciously carry with myself as I navigate the maze of deadlines, libraries, bops and friendships at Oxford. 

Artwork: Ben Beechener

Town vs Gown – Boxing Returns to The Union

Oliver Hall
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Town vs Gown – Boxing Returns to The Union

The boxing ring returned to the Oxford Union chamber for the first time in two years last week.  The atmosphere was electric as seven Oxford University Amateur Boxing Club (OUABC) fighters came away with wins.

The queues outside the chamber and in the Union bar beforehand were the perfect demonstration of just how desperate people had been for the event to return.  Like so many other annual events it was cancelled last year as a result of the COVID-19 restrictions.  That was perhaps why the atmosphere was so electric this time around, with tickets for the event sold out within half an hour of their release.

The event is steeped in history and sees members of the University Boxing Club take on opponents from different clubs across Oxford.  This year there were ten fights with three different visiting clubs represented.

Things got off to an electric start with Jasmin Patel defeating Amelia Jeffries in a split decision.  Both women showed impressive agility when moving about the ring in a highly tactical affair.

This contrasted significantly with the next bout.  Felix Rolt came out on top over Tariq Sinnetamby in another all-university affair.  Both boxers demonstrated their power and strength in a brutal fight that had the crowd on their feet throughout.

Vintel Romain and Sam Green followed up with wins from the red corner in two more impressive all University-affairs.  They were both tight bouts with Josh Williams and William McClure both putting up strong resistance, especially in the early rounds.

Nelson Ramos was the first non-university boxer to take to the ring and the heat in the arena turned up a notch as a result.  He promptly dispatched his university opponent, Joshua Fozard.

Blackbird Leys’ only fighter, Callum Harvey, won next and that was followed by another David Seifarth dominating fellow university fighter Daniel Hunt.

The biggest cheers of the night were reserved for Jacob Bigwell.  In the penultimate fight of the night, he showed his class and skill to become the only university fighter to win against a visiting club with his win by split decision against Harry Clarkson from Banbury.

Loughborough University’s only fighter triumphed in the final round of the evening to bring a close to proceedings.

It was a noisy night in the chamber but above all the fighters from all camps showed impressive ability throughout.

Image: Oliver Hall

Oli Hall’s Oxford United Update – W2

Oliver Hall
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Oli Hall’s Oxford United Update – W2

Week in Review

Off the back of last week’s disappointing derby day defeat to Wycombe, the Us had a massive week ahead of them.  They delivered across all fronts, culminating in a sensational come-from-behind victory over play-off spot rivals on Saturday.

The week started with the Oxfordshire County Council making their first considerations in a meeting on Tuesday.  The club said that the talks were positive and thanked the council for their collaboration.

Next up were transfer rumours galore as we enter the final week of the January window.  The biggest speculation is that surrounding Jermain Defoe.  Karl Robinson wouldn’t be drawn on the matter, saying: “With Jermain, that’s something that we’re not going to comment on.”  Other targets appear to be focussed on finding a left-back to fill a hole where the U’s desperately need more depth.

The men’s first team gave some players crucial minutes in an impressive 4-1 friendly win against Cheltenham Town with goals from Bily Bodin (2), Adam Smith, and Gatlin O’Donkor.  Meanwhile, the U’18s slipped to a 1-3 defeat at the hands of Plymouth in the Youth Alliance and the women ran out comfortable 3-0 winners to keep their unbeaten home record intact and maintain pressure on top of the table Ipswich.  

Oxford were slow to get going but kicked on and got the breakthrough on 36 minutes when Sarah King finished from a Wallace cross.  Johns added a second just minutes later after a brilliant through ball by captain Haynes and Beth Lumsden added the cherry on top of the cake with a thunderous strike from 35 yards out to wrap up the three points in the second half.

In that same game, Sophie Baker made a landmark 100th appearance, joining a select group of players to make a century of appearances for the U’s.

The men’s senior team came from behind twice on Saturday and Sam Winnall scored an 84th-minute winner to secure a crucial three points (see match report below).

That win and favourable results elsewhere saw United back up into the play-off positions in sixth.  They are now level on points with MK Dons above them and have a three-point buffer between them and Plymouth in seventh.  Next up for the men is an away trip to bottom of the table Gillingham where Oxford will look to build on the momentum, they have gained this week.  The women’s side will host Portsmouth.

Match Report:  Oxford United 3-2 Sheffield Wednesday

Oxford United bounced back from defeat last week in sensational style with an enthralling 3-2 win over Sheffield Wednesday at the Kassam.  Matty Taylor equalised twice and Sam Winnall headed an 84th-minute winner against his former side to earn the Yellows a crucial three points in the playoff race.

It took just seven minutes for Wednesday captain Barry Bannan to open the scoring as he drove home a great strike from just outside the box.

The Owls kicked on and looked the better side for much of the first half with several chances going begging and Jack Stevens being called into action in goal for Oxford.  Things improved for the U’s though and Brannagan saw his effort cleared off the line on 39 minutes.  It was of course top-scorer Matty Taylor who would eventually oblige in added time at the end of the first half with a glancing header.

And Oxford kicked on after the break, switching to five at the back, and putting ball after ball in the Wednesday six-yard box.

It was Sheffield though who, against the run of play, got the crucial third goal after a brilliant move was finished off emphatically by Windass, who had only just come on.

The response was instantaneous from Oxford: within a minute of the restart, Nathan Holland had a shot deflected into the path of Matty Taylor who jabbed home a true poacher’s goal to draw the U’s level.

From then on it was anyone’s game.  The crowd lifted Oxford and they did look the more likely, earning a succession of corners and their final one of the game in the 84th minute.  Billy Bodin supplied the delivery and substitute Winnall flicked home the header to score his first of the season.

United sat back for the remaining minutes, including seven added on for injuries, and held on for massive three points that sees them back up into the play-off places ahead of a visit to bottom side Gillingham next Saturday.

Image: Oliver Hall

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