Few of Oxford’s college pets are as iconic as Hertford’s college cat, Simpkin. When I first visited Oxford before applying, back in the lockdown summer of 2020, I remember walking past the Bridge of Sighs and coming across a black cat with beautiful long fur. Having heard of this mystical creature from a friend attending Hertford at the time, I was naturally awestruck at coming across such a celebrity. The name Simpkin, also held by three previous Hertford cats, comes from Beatrix Potter’s book ‘The Tailor of Gloucester’. The three previous Simpkins were all chosen as they had white chests and feet, resembling sub fusc, though the current cat is all black.
Image credit: Charlie Hancock
Prior to his coming to Hertford in 2017 and being cared for by David Haxell, Hertford porter who kindly spoke to me for this piece, Simpkin’s life was rather tumultuous. He was originally a stray cat, living in the Torquay area, who was adopted from an animal shelter by a woman, but sadly was bullied by her other cats to the extent that he experienced extreme stress and began losing fur. When he returned to the shelter for treatment and re-homing, the shelter was sadly destroyed in a gale by a falling tree. All of the shelter’s animals had to be rehomed, and Simpkin was moved to Blue Cross Animal Home near Burford in Oxfordshire, where David found him whilst looking for a successor to the third Simpkin who had recently died. Since then, he has served as Hertford’s 4th Simpkin, and 5th college cat overall, carrying on a continuous tradition of cats at Hertford since the 1970s.
Described by his owners as ‘Feisty, Furry, and Formidable’, Simpkin enjoys invading libraries, curling up in students’ laps, and stroking and petting, though on his own terms. Many Hertford students speak adoringly of him, featuring on many an Instagram story throughout the term. He even has his own account, ran by the college’s JCR, testimony to how popular he is among students.
Though an extremely friendly and kind cat to most, Simpkin does have his enemies. He has notably been involved in a public feud with Walter, Exeter’s college cat, hiding in their college library and stealing Walter’s favourite seats and food. This led to him being banned from Exeter’s library in January 2022, yet defying this on multiple occasions. Though there has been less animosity between the two as of late, the saga negatively impacted Simpkin’s reputation, with the story even making it to Mumsnet where many declared themselves to be #TeamWalter, though many on Oxfess declared themselves Simpkin loyalists.
Despite this scandal, Simpkin remains a treasure of Hertford college, and continues to provide stability and comfort against the turmoil and stress of Oxford life. Like many other college pets, he holds an important place in the college community, as well as playing a significant role in everyday student welfare. Even outside of the college, it’s incredibly entertaining to see their adventures on social media, especially when missing my own cats at home. A true rags to riches story, Simpkin is a beloved member of the University, and undoubtedly one of its most famous animals.
Bops are Oxford’s fancy dress parties that form some of my fondest memories in college. For bops held in college bars, there’s no need to trek to Atik and pay an arm and a leg just to walk through the metal detector. There’s no fumbling around for change for the cloakroom, only to run the risk of losing the precious scrap of paper which secures a reunion with the Oxford puffer at the end of the night. Unlike a club, a bop in college is full of people you know. There won’t be a fifty-year-old man begging you to dance with his friends, or the thirty-five-year-old following you around for hours trying to kiss as sweat drops down from Plush’s walls. Bops are full of familiar faces, yet everybody looks remarkably different from their usual selves. Shy boys strut around in satin bodycon dresses and nineteen-year-olds live out their childhood dreams as Tellie Tubbies.
For a punk bop I enjoyed cutting up a cheap t shirt with scissors, and backcombing my hair into a bird’s nest. Bops in Lincoln start at eight and finish at midnight. They begin with tentative dancing and escalate to meek, mild mosh pits. The night always ends with Lincolnites forming a sweaty circle and slow dancing to Robbie William’s Angels, a rather random tradition that took some getting used to. Then a drunken crowd belts I’m Lincoln till I die, swaying on the death trap that is the sticky floor. Bop juice creates a slip and slide that glistens when the lights are turned back on.
Bop juice has recently been banned at Lincoln college and replaced with just buying drinks at the bar. Bop juice is a lethal blend of juvenile juice with vodka, sickly sweet wine, and the finishing touch of a sophisticated mint leaf. One cup of bop juice, served from a plastic tub of corona virus soup, contains an unknown amount of alcohol. The mysterious lack of measurements led to the removal of this beloved beverage. A drink that tastes like juice is therefore easy to guzzle and is also free of charge, leading to unnerving hangovers. Bops are popular on the last night of term, which has personally led to some sickly train journeys back to Edinburgh.
Some Bops involve a short walk to a nightclub. Recently I broke the promise to myself that I would not go to Bridge the night before my French translation collection. Sometimes I feel like I have a devil and angel weighing on my shoulders. The angel tells me to get an early night and be well rested for the collection of my intellect the next day. The devil insists that I won’t sleep anyway because Bear Lane is so loud, and when I’m old I’ll remember a night out more than a collection. Bops in clubs welcome collaboration with other Entz teams. The space age Turl Street Bop invaded Plush in Trinity term. Hundreds of space buns bopped it to the top. I put a lot of trust into a silver slither of fabric.
Bops invite rifling through sale racks for a costume. Halloween happens three times a term here. Rather controversially I wish bops didn’t involve the dressing up. I’d rather just wear an outfit that I already own instead of sourcing a costume or making a sign. This week I pottered around Westgate looking for a beret. The theme for Lincoln’s freshers bop was ‘When I was three, I wanted to be…’ Some Lincolnites even wanted to be priests or prisoners. I went as an artist without a paintbrush. The beret became itchy and a few hours into the night I put it down and then discovered it was stolen. The Entz chair delivered it to my pidge.
Despite the hassle of the obscure themes, bops are some of the best nights in college. Reunited with my beret and Atik bound, I was uplifted by dancing at my dream university to the music I used to listen to in the car on the way to nursery.
As students pay their battels for Michaelmas Term, they will be faced with increased costs for accommodation as the cost of living crisis bites. But these rent hikes could be anything from 1.8-12.9%, depending on which college a student attends, highlighting another discrepancy between the experiences of students at different colleges.
For many students, these rent increases will amount to a real-terms rent cut because some colleges have kept them below the rate of inflation. But this does not mean that students will be left with money to spare. The value of maintenance loans has fallen to its lowest level in seven years, according to a June report by the Institute For Fiscal Studies, placing increased pressure on students’ budgets.
Cherwell has collected data on rent changes from colleges across the University. Of the colleges which responded, the average increase in rents was 7.6%. However, some colleges were notable outliers. Balliol College increased charges by just 1.8%, while other colleges saw double-digit increases.
Christ Church already charged one of the highest average rents out of the university. Prices have risen by 12.9% this year, the highest Cherwell found. However, most Christ Church students actually pay less than the average rent charged for accommodation because the college provides them with financial assistance. Students from households with an annual income up to £27,500 can access a 50% discount on their rent and ‘season tickets’ for college dinners. Those earning up to £42,875 can access a 25% discount.
A recent analysis by Cherwell found that students of wealthier colleges could expect to pay less for their rent than those at poorer ones. For the 2021-22 academic year, seven of the ten wealthiest colleges ranked among the ten lowest weekly rents in the University.
The uncertain economic climate has prompted the University to recommend that students anticipate that their living expenses could rise by 5% or more each year. A key driver of inflation in the UK (and elsewhere) is the cost of producing energy, which has soared since Russia invaded Ukraine. Similarly, rising utilities costs have driven up rents in Oxford: students living in Jesus College’s Turl Street site are facing rent increases 2.5% more than their college-mates living in college-owned accommodation in Jericho or Cowley. These students do not have their electricity included in their rent, and thus have to pay for it separately.
Colleges also use different methods of determining the amount by which to raise rents. St Peter’s used the Consumer Price Index in Michaelmas Term 2021 plus 2.7%. Christ Church used the Van Noorden Index, an Oxford-specific measure of inflation. The index has been accused of lacking transparency, and failing to take into account the different levels of provision available to students at different colleges. Tia Patel and Samuel Prosser, President and Treasurer of the Christ Church JCR, told Cherwell the common room had not been involved in these negotiations, but are always available for students to discuss related matters, or direct them to extra financial support.
Some common rooms were able to successfully negotiate with colleges to reduce proposed rent hikes. Hertford and Pembroke both initially proposed to raise rents by 12.8% in line with the Van Noorden Index. At Pembroke, student common rooms negotiated the hike down to 9.6%, while Hertford secured 8.5%.
While not all common rooms were able to negotiate rent hikes down to more comfortable levels, colleges have taken measures to support students. Jesus raised bursaries by £100, and Queen’s increased the amount of money in the College hardship fund. Other colleges like University and Corpus Christi have agreed to implement the Oxford Living Wage of £10.50 an hour.
A spokesperson from Oxford University said: “We recognise that the rising cost of living is a source of anxiety for many students and are continuing our efforts to ensure our financial support addresses this. The University of Oxford offers a range of financial support packages to help students from all backgrounds to study with us. This includes funding for undergraduates from lower-income households through the Crankstart Scholarship, which has received an uplift of £500 (10%) from July 2022. In addition, support can be accessed through University and college hardship funds for students who find themselves in unexpected financial difficulty. We also have a number of scholarship schemes which provide full funding to graduate applicants from disadvantaged and under-represented backgrounds. Our ambition is to ensure that no one with outstanding academic potential is deterred from studying here because of their background, personal circumstances, or finances.”
Statement of retraction: On Tuesday night, we received a complaint about an article which had been published in our Life section and which was intended as satirical in tone. In the context of Oxford’s socioeconomic realities, however, the humour was in poor taste. The article was taken down the same evening, although cache delays meant it was visible for longer. We have reiterated our rigorous editorial policies to our staff to prevent such errors in future. If readers would like to discuss this or any other editorial policy, we can always be reached at [email protected].
Pieter Garicano, Cherwell Editor-in-Chief:
This week’s front page, detailing some of Liz Truss’ escapades as an undergraduate in the 90s was possible not just due to effective reporting then; it also required a willingness to name the subject and store it for posterity. Having a historical record is useful. Indeed, over the summer an unnamed London publication approached Cherwell looking for information on the fresher adventures of Truss’ then-opponent, Rishi Sunak. One has to wonder if today’s Cherwell, more hesitant to name names and write about other students, would be the same source of archival material when the current crop of hacks become cabinet members two or three decades from now.
John Evelyn, for example, is a column dedicated to chronicling the exploits of other undergraduates. Over time, this has come to mean the Union politicos and their electioneering — and not much else. However, the use of increasingly elaborate nicknames for the subjects observed means that it has become virtually inaccessible for all but the most informed hacks. A staffer going through the archives in 2047 would not find it easy to understand who ‘Major General Chosen One’ or ‘DJ Gladstone’ are.
However, the benefits of the historical record are also its downsides. Permanence can come at a cost. Some of the most frequent requests we receive are from embarrassed graduates asking whether articles featuring their names can be anonymised. A bemused banker emailed arguing that a decade-old piece reporting on his arrest for streaking Cornmarket was defamatory as he had been ‘detained not arrested’. When choosing whether or not to report on student events, a sense of what’s proportionate matters. Cherwell reporting on students can easily become punching down, simply due to the size of the platform. Some Oxford papers do not name students at all. Cherwell only does a select few. Even if the choice is made to name them now, this does not necessarily mean naming them in perpetuity. Individuals can grow and change. Many of the decisions made aged 18 do not reflect what someone is like aged 40. Should those mistakes then still chase them?
Leah Mitchell, Cherwell Editor-in-Chief:
Why do we write?
This might seem a strange question for the editor of a newspaper and a humanities student to ask; I am more or less constantly absorbed in reading and writing. But I think it is useful nonetheless, as with most things, to think about why. To refuse to take it for granted.
Writing of course takes many forms and so has many purposes. The sharing of information which is in the public interest alongside discourse about it, and the role which the publication of this kind of writing has in underpinning a democracy comprised of informed (and opinionated) citizens, is of course a major function of a newspaper. In our own small-scale way – in the context of Oxford and the University – I like to think we contribute to this task at Cherwell. However, if I’m being honest, I personally have never been much of a reporter; and yet, I have always been a writer, from short stories and diary entries through to (bad) poetry and (I hope slightly better) essays. Most of what I have written for this very paper, though, is perhaps best described as confessional writing. The thing is, I cringe even to describe it in these terms; it sounds so pretentious and self-absorbed – and what sin is it that I am even supposedly confessing?
And yet, while like almost any writer I look back on old work and cringe a little at the odd clumsy word choice or underdeveloped idea, I am by and large quite proud of it. And the messages I have had from readers who have told me that something I have written has resonated with them – felt like an articulation of their own thoughts, or helped them to understand others a little more – constitute without a doubt the most meaningful and soul-enriching feedback I have ever received. Writing has for me provided a gateway to some of the purest moments of connection I’ve ever had with other human beings – especially with people I don’t often talk to, or whom I would never have expected to have any interest in or anything to learn from what I think about in the shower or while lying in bed at 1am. Then again – why wouldn’t they? I am always interested in what other people think about when there is nothing to distract them. In fact, I think that this curiosity, this straining towards understanding and connection, is nothing short of a fundamental human impulse, and one which underpins the best writing and art in general, just as it underpins the best conversations.
Telling the truth that lies inside you is not some scandalous “confession”. It is rather something essential and human and beautiful – and perhaps even a step on the path to our collective liberation from our increasingly atomised and polarised social environment. What happens in your head at 1am is not (just) individualistic and self-indulgent nonsense, but may just constitute the most basic collective truth of all. So this week, pore over our (excellent and highly interesting!) news pages by all means – but make sure to look elsewhere too, including, and perhaps most of all, inside yourself.
Intrigued by the well-documented drama which dogged the cast throughout their pre-release press junkets, not to mention the viral clips of Styles’ bid for Academy gold, I found myself toddling down to Curzon to investigate, much as you might find yourself unable to look away from a car crash. And a car crash it certainly was – a film where the hype behind Olivia Wilde’s lauded directorial debut – ‘Booksmart’ clearly meant a studio had handed her a ridiculous budget and not enough people said ‘no’. The premise of the film is one that lends itself well to the feminist lens that made ‘Booksmart’ such a runaway hit – but where the feminist message of that film was so successfully fresh, ‘Don’t Worry Darling’ falls back on tired cliches that it simultaneously fails to fully investigate.
Set around the idyllic desert suburb of Victory, CA – a company town attached to the mysterious, male-run Victory Project – and the equally picturesque white-picket-fence lives of its inhabitants, the plot derives from housewife Alice’s (Pugh) suspicions that all – including her husband, Jack (Styles) is not what it seems – I won’t spoil the twist for you – apart from to say it was so abrupt and so shallow that it left me with far more questions than it answered.
So far, so feminist – the idea of the gaslit housewife is admittedly a classic. And this is the problem – the film doesn’t really build upon a concept that was so masterfully updated by 2004’s ‘Stepford Wives’. The feminist aspects feel flat and forced – intersectionality, for example is out the window – in ‘Stepford Wives’ the director managed to find a way to make the creepy suburbia aesthetic gel with two of the main characters are a gay man and a Jewish woman, whereas the only notable character of colour (Margaret) in Wilde’s world is a silent secondary character, whose suffering serves to help aid Alice’s quest for the truth about her situation. Is this necessarily racist ? Perhaps not, but something which really rattled me was the absolute state of Margaret’s (KiKi Layne) hair , which jarred with the otherwise excellent costume and hair design – and which is often due to employing stylists who don’t know how to work with Afro hair. Notable, too, is Wilde’s infamous implication that the film is empowering because we only see female characters orgasm. It rings extremely hollow against the framing of Jack’s cluelessness in the kitchen as adorkably endearing, and is further undermined by Styles’ acting ability restraining these performances to what could best be called ‘performative head’ – which, in turn, doesn’t actually add anything to the film apart from buffing its feminist veneer. This faux-feminist vibe isn’t helped by the choice to have the noise which indicates that you ought to feel that tension is rising (the film is also horribly guilty of using its soundtrack as a baby-rein rather than a prompt) be largely composed of a blur of distorted female panting and moaning – you get the impression that it was intended to be a feminist statement, somehow – but a statement of what, exactly ?
It’s worth mentioning that the film is visually very beautiful – amazing camera-work and thoughtful production design, but the crisp lushness of the mid century modern aesthetic fails to leaven the damp lump of a plot, much in the same way that the stellar turns given by Pugh, Layne, Pine and Wilde herself fail to negate whatever Styles thought he was doing. His performance in the film has already been throughly eviscerated online, and I see no point in rehashing the same criticisms – but let me add that the climax points of his most serious an-ger-y scenes provoked audible laughter from the cinema I was sat in.
So overall, it really was a dizzying rollercoaster of highs and lows – perhaps averaging out to a film less bad than its harshest critics would have you think, though the capital-F feminist vibe was rather disappointing. If you want a laugh, feel free to go and see it – but if you’d rather see the suburban gothic done right, go see ‘Stepford Wives’.
The last few months have seen an unprecedented cost of living crisis grip the country and affect all levels of society. Rises in energy costs have combined with runaway inflation across the board to see budgets squeezed more than ever. Young people and students have been some of the most heavily impacted, as many are non-earners who do not qualify for the available government support packages. Now, a survey by Cherwell can reveal that Oxford students are by no means immune to these pressures, with many are fearing the ramifications of rising prices as the term begins.
Firstly, the survey asked whether or not the increase in the cost of living changed the respondents’ behaviour in the build-up to returning to university. The responses were, as expected, overwhelming. 88% of people said that they had changed their preparation and all those surveyed said they anticipated their behaviour changing once they arrived.
Perhaps even more concerning for the University itself is that more than 77% of respondents thought their academic performance would be affected by rising prices in the coming year. This may go hand in hand with the fact that two-thirds of people identified food as the main area that they would have to cut back on. Countless studies, including one from 2017 by the US National Library of Medicine, identified a clear association between unsatisfactory nutrition or changes in dietary habits and academic performance.
Students’ social lives are also a significant part of their university experience which stands to be heavily affected. Aside from simply adding enjoyment, a diverse and lively social life is vital for maintaining positive mental health and a healthy work-life balance, something often stressed by the university itself in advice. Again, 88% of people said that they would be forced to change their social patterns when returning to Oxford, a fact which also signals a worrying term ahead for student-relient entertainment venues across the city.
Some participants were willing to share their personal stories anonymously, showing the severity of the situation faced by students from a wide range of socioeconomic backgrounds. One mature student said that the stress is already “very oppressive” and that with groceries and bills as their only expenditure, they “won’t be able to eat in hall, get coffee, or buy clothes.”
Another told of how they had reached the limit on their overdraft and “can’t afford to wash their clothes” until they get paid next week.
The survey went on to look at the response of the University and the various support packages that different colleges are offering. Some students have already criticised the support as insufficient, with one highlighting that although they were initially “relieved” to see that their bursary had increased by £300 it didn’t do much to counter the £500 rise in the cost of living in college. Only one respondent said they had received any kind of confirmation of support to come from a college fund and that was ‘non-specific’. In total, just 11% of people said they were satisfied with the university’s response.
There was no shortage of suggestions of ways to help combat the situation, meanwhile, with multiple people suggesting some kind of living allowance for students, almost everyone calling for lower-priced subsidised meals in college, and others a rent freeze.
Oxford University faces particular scrutiny in this matter due to its policy of prohibiting jobs inside term time. The rule has been highlighted as exclusionary in the past as it could be seen to prevent those with less money from supplementing their income, and this problem has only been exacerbated by recent price rises.
The most striking response perhaps came from a History student, who concluded the survey by writing, “As things stand, I anticipate freezing this winter. I anticipate social life decreasing because a number of cafes, pubs, and other social spaces will have to close. I’m scared and have already begun thinking about quitting if things get too dire.”
This week, I sat down with Kyle Kondik, Professor of Politics at the University of Virginia and Managing Editor of Larry Sabato’s Crystal Ball, one of America’s foremost newsletters on elections. We discussed whether the Republican or Democratic parties in the United States are more likely to win the majority in the upcoming Senate and House elections on November 3. Many of our readers may be focused on the continuing political turmoil engulfing the UK. However, across the pond, the elections, commonly referred to as the “midterms,” are a litmus test for a host of political issues racking the nation.
The midterms crucially determine the party composition of key institutions: the Senate (the legislative upper chamber) and the House of Representatives (the lower chamber). Also decided are a number of gubernatorial races (each state has an executive, or ‘governor’, who wields considerable power over local issues such as abortion access and the running of statewide elections. Midterm elections historically have not been met with the same degree of media and public interest as presidential elections, but 2022 seems to be bucking the trend for a number of reasons.
First, former President Donald Trump has not desisted from making the false claim that he won the 2020 election, and a number of Republican nominees in gubernatorial races have promised not to certify “fraudulent” election results in the future. Given the fact that in the US, statewide election results do need to be legally certified by certain elected officials, the prospect of the election of officials who have promised not to heed statewide results has increased the notoriety of these elections.
Second, the US Supreme Court’s overturning of Roe v Wade, which guaranteed abortion access as a federal right (which individual states could not restrict) has meant that several states have banned abortion outright, even in cases of rape, incest, and imminent danger to the mother. This has caused a predictable electoral backlash; women in particular have been registering to vote Democrat in large numbers as a consequence. In the month of August, new female voter registrations outnumbered those of men by approximately nine to ten points (Forbes). Even in solidly Republican states such as Kansas, abortion has proved to be an issue that Democrats can campaign and win on; over 70% of the US population believes that women should have some access to abortion during the first sixteen weeks of their pregnancy.
While Republicans, as a self-proclaimed “pro-life” party which by and large opposes abortion in most if not all cases, would seem to be in a difficult electoral position as a result of their intensely unpopular position on abortion, they are in fact the frontrunners to take the House of Representatives (and possibly even the Senate); both chambers are currently controlled by the Democrats. This is because they are trusted more on the most important issue of the day: the economy. Much like the UK, rampant inflation has been dogging the US economy for over a year, and as the governing party, the Democrats have taken most of the blame for it. In the twelve months before August 2022, the annual inflation rate was at 8.3%, a level not previously seen for decades. While the Democrats have taken credit for slowing down the pace of inflation, the slowdown has evidently not been fast enough to restore voter trust; when asked about which party they trust more to competently handle the economy, voters give the Republicans a roughly fourteen point edge.
As election day approaches, one might benefit from looking at polling averages. However, the polling predicts a very close election (in some cases, a slight Democratic lead is present), in line with these competing trends. Moreover, polling before the 2016, 2018, and 2020 elections was marred by inaccuracies and typically under-reported Donald Trump’s support.
Back view portrait of young African-American people standing in voting booth and thinking, copy space
With all this in mind, my first question to Professor Kondik was whether Donald Trump still has the stranglehold over the Republican Party that many make out. “It is strange for a former President, in particular a defeated former President, to remain a significant figure in politics following a presidency. While Jimmy Carter has had an illustrious post-Presidential career, he never became involved in political minutiae after leaving office (having been defeated by Ronald Reagan) the way Trump has”. This seems true to me; after all, research has shown that having Trump’s endorsement is the biggest factor in whether Republican voters support their candidates. The next logical question, then, is whether Trump is a liability or an asset for the party. While his demagoguic rhetoric may have put off moderate voters, I wondered whether he has a record (particularly during the 2016 Presidential Election) of garnering the support of disaffected former Democratic voters in blue-collar America. While Kondik agrees with the latter statement, he concludes that “Trump is ultimately more of a liability, particularly after the January 6th insurrection” (during that event, he incited his own supporters to invade the Capitol Building in order to prevent the orderly transition of power). “Ultimately,” Kondik continues, “Republican candidates need to find a way to keep the Trump ‘base’ onside by incorporating some of his policies but without showcasing him front and centre”.
Next, I ask him the obvious question: will the Democrats’ momentum on the abortion issue, along with their other legislative victories this year (in particular, their infrastructure investment bill and climate change legislation) outweigh voters’ disappointment with their economic performance? Kondik agrees that the abortion issue is a potent one and can potentially help the Democrats stem their losses, pointing to recent Democratic victories in formerly solidly Republican states such as Alaska and Kansas as evidence for this contention. However, he also contends that if the economic situation does not improve by November, it is unlikely for Democrats to retain control of the House of Representatives without a marked improvement in the economy (in particular, inflation statistics) given the salience of the issue among the electorate. That being said, the Democrats have a much better chance of holding the Senate, where Republicans have nominated a slate of very unpopular candidates, one of whom is currently accused of having paid for his mistress’s abortion (while he was married), despite publicly advocating for the prohibition of abortion in all cases, including those in which the life of the mother is in danger if the pregnancy goes ahead.
Elections are incredibly unpredictable, and the 2022 midterm is proving to be no exception. Veteran political strategist James Carville, when asked about which party would win the 1992 election, once said “it’s the economy, stupid”. Only time will tell whether Republicans can rely in this conventional wisdom to pull them to victory in 2022.
The river Cherwell hasn’t turned to blood. It hasn’t hailed since February. There are no locusts on Broad Street, nor frogs in the Bodleian, nor lice in the Covered Market (actually, who knows). Why, then, are we still plagued by the Single Sign-On?
The older, simpler authentication service, Shibboleth, I could begrudgingly respect; its reptilian cousin, the SSO, I cannot. This perverse imposition of about 2 minutes of inconvenience each morning introduces an unparalleled irritation to the daily routine. The requirement, as many will know, is this: you have to authorize your identity via a mobile phone to access any online university service. One wonders what the point of passwords is.
The function must be security. I might almost appreciate the sentiment, but the non-consensual element seems bizarre. We are no longer at liberty, it seems, to leave ourselves open to the option of potentially having our e-mails hacked. Given the relatively low stakes of student information exchange, the SSO appears pointless. Who could possibly be after my e-mails? For those of us that sleep with college librarians or share salacious images online with dentists, I can understand the urge to opt-in. As I’m not I’d like to opt-out.
If the university IT department wants to play CIA, leave me out of the game. Trust me, no one’s trying to hustle JSTOR. Well, apparently, there is a market in Asia for filched academia, but who really knows? What’s really troubling, though, is the lack of explanation and warning. How has the SSO so swiftly convinced us that it’s special? Don’t be fooled by its warm bluish hues and comforting Calibri font. It is fire and brimstone, James Corden and Bridge Thursdays. It is all the worst parts of Oxford life succinctly condensed into one IT micro-aggression.
Most insidiously, it reduces productivity. Not only does it add to the clutter of pestering responsibilities that rob us of our ergonomic morning freshness, but it now means we have to have mobile phones with us at all times. Never again can a trip to the library be unaccompanied by technological distraction and there are few facts about student life that are as depressing. At a time when ADHD diagnoses are skyrocketing and most university counsellors recommend limiting screen time to improve mental health, the SSO seems almost Orwellian in its grim, self-justified necessity. How bored, one wonders, must the IT fellows have been to think up something like this. Still, it’s an impressive achievement: they’ve managed to bureaucratize SOLO.
This kind of tokenistic “look-we’re-doing-something-helpful” attitude has seeped into every corner of routine Oxford life. Meals in some colleges still have to be signed up for online like flu jab appointments. Also, what feels like an inexplicable hangover from COVID regulations, some libraries still limit available desks. Even now, the Law Library maintains its rather theatrical red and white ticker tape over prohibited desks. Regrettably, many of these condemned seats are in the quality spots.
I’m afraid there’s little we can do. The Oxford IT lobby won’t reply to my many e-mails demanding answers and there is now seldom a desk in the Rad Cam unadorned by an iPhone. We are seeing a second Alexandria in the death of the Oxford library experience. This death, however, is not of one disaster but of a thousand minuscule frustrations. This frustrating front has found its charismatic leader in the SSO.
On October 11th, 2022 at 3:00pm, Oxford University students and members of the broader Oxford community gathered at Bonn Square to protest the death of Mahsa (Zhina) Amini. Amini, a 22-year-old Kurdish woman, died while in custody of the Iranian morality police. Her death has ignited protests not only across Iran, but around the world.
The protest got off to a slightly rocky start as members of the Iranian community and University students disagreed over the use of flags. Some members of the Oxford student body at the protest felt that because it was a human rights centered event, political flags were not conducive to a peaceful protest. There were concerns of anonymity, as many students did not want to be photographed with the Iranian flag used prior to the Islamic Revolution. An Oxford student who wished to remain anonymous noted that it was important to focus on women’s rights during the gathering. They also understood the confusion regarding flags, as it was unclear exactly who the organisers of the event were. However, many members of the community felt that it is impossible to separate human rights and politics in this case. A member of the broader community who wished to remain anonymous felt that not allowing people to hold politically focused flags was inherently illogical. They believed that fighting for freedom in Iran, and simultaneously human rights, is political in nature.
“Say her name!” the crowd chanted, “Mahsa. Zhina. Amini!” More and more people gathered to hear and ask questions about the issue and the protesters were more than happy to answer their questions and tell their stories. Sepideh told me her story about going to school in Iran, and the mandatory studying of the Qur’an. She emphasized the need for women to have choice and told her story with much passion and conviction.
In a similar tone, a Kurdish woman named Dana highlighted the erasure of Amini’s Kurdish background. Many individuals outside the Iranian community aren’t aware that Amini was Kurdish. Dana felt that it is important to uplift minority groups within Iran. “This change needs to be a renaissance,” she explained. She also noted that for this change to be productive, all groups in Iran need to be included. Dana wanted to call attention to the idea that embracing all minority groups in Iran is necessary to produce effective change.
Among the Iranian community, there has been significant talk around the former Shah Pahlavi, and wanting the return of the royal family. Another member of the community who wished to remain anonymous felt that it was important to say that the former Shah was not without his flaws. After all, it was many of his actions that led to the initial Islamic revolution in the first place. However, this person felt that whatever the case, the number one priority was restoring democracy to Iran.
Following Amini’s death, many other women have been reportedly killed by the Iranian morality police, including Sarina Esmailzadeh and Nika Shakarami. Niloufar Hamedi, the Tehran based journalist who initially broke the news about Amini, currently remains in the custody of Iranian authorities.
As the protest drew to a close one of the primary speakers stressed, “Mahsa was killed by the morality police, but there is nothing moral about what happened to her.”
Welcome back everyone. I trust you’ve followed your summer training programmes religiously and you’re ready for a big week of going from the club to your outings, the grips of your third boat blades ripping the skin off your butter smooth hands, and somehow convincing novices that what we do is fun, chill, and definitely not a cult. If you’re a fresher reading this, please ignore the above and do consider signing up for your college boat club. You and I both know you’re in desperate need of a personality, and rowing comes with some added benefits like being able to eat unlimited amounts of food and an above-average looking dating pool.
As much as we need them, training novices is truly a character-building task. It never fails to amaze me how this country’s best and brightest can manage to turn sliding back and forth on a seat into something resembling a rodeo ride. Maybe they’re just overqualified – to quote one of my coaches, “rowing is a stupid sport for stupid people, that’s why Oxford Brookes do it so well.” Indeed, what would college rowing be without this factory farm of Team GB rowers, willing to bless us with their coaching expertise for nothing but £15 an hour and an opportunity to sleep with our coxes.
Putting your freshers on Olympian training programmes in hopes of securing victory at the annual Christ Church novice regatta is a tradition that was threatened with a sudden end when Christ Church announced they would no longer host the competition. Whether this was because the college intends to mourn the death of Her late Majesty for the entirety of Michaelmas, or because they spent all their funds paying Blues to prop up their Summer Eights campaign, thankfully Linacre stepped up to the task and will host the regatta this year. They’d probably already promised the naming rights to some Vietnamese billionaire.
While everyone that’s actually any good at rowing is off to trial for the Blues (or the Lightweights, for those who God hasn’t blessed with tall genes), there are a few competitions coming up this term that might be worth training for, I guess. If you’ve spent your whole summer in the gym in pursuit of vanity and lost your entire aerobic capacity, the 800m distance at Nephthys Regatta should be just right for you. If, on the other hand, you’ve already gotten dropped from the Blues, don’t despair as you can still row the entire boat race course without any of the glory. Just enter the Head of the River Race and maybe you’ll catch a glimpse of the Brookes second boat beating their first boat to the headship trophy.
As the river gets busy this week and we partake in the ritual humiliation of start of season 2k tests, remember to be kind to your coxes, patient with your novices, and don’t bring your nice shoes to a crew date.
Image Credit: Gillie Rhodes/CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons.
