Saturday, May 10, 2025
Blog Page 779

Ode to an Entz Rep

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“Let’s run for Entz,” they said. “It’ll be fun,” they said. Like all Entz Reps, we blindly ran for the role under the impression that it would be a glamorous lifestyle of free bop juices, rep cards, and Bridge queue jumps. Now three bops, four A&E trips, and 170 litres of spirits down the line, it’s probably a good time to reflect on how well the position has lived up to its expectations.

For those not clued up on JCR electoral practices, most Entz teams run for election as a slate of four. There is a complex distribution of duties that is unique to each and every team, though it usually runs along these lines: Rep One does nothing. Rep Two does nothing. Rep Three says he’ll pick up club tickets, though actually does the same as Reps One and Two. Rep Four does the remaining duties. If you’re reading this as an Entz Rep and are unsure which one you are, you’re probably one of the first three.

Entz Reps tend to fall into two main categories: firstly, there are those that liked clubbing a bit too much in first year. These are the type of people whose mates from home ask about them with genuine concern. The second category of Reps weren’t the biggest clubbers, though still love a drink – they’re essentially alcoholics in training. Needless to say, neither of these groups are renowned for their organisation skills, dedication to their job, or general ability to function before 5pm in the afternoon. In many ways they are actually the worst people to be dealing with premises licensing, fire evacuation plans, and industrial quantities of hard spirits. Sober Entz Reps are about as common as constructive Oxfeuds.

Despite being wholly unprepared for what is expected of them, Entz Reps find themselves forced to rise to the role, or at least one of them does. They aren’t motivated by an innate desire to do the best job that they can, but largely by the fear of the angry mob if they don’t. Bops are one of the few bits of JCR business on which everyone has an opinion. This is not helped by the fact that each person has a different idea of what a decent bop should be (please bear this in mind when you’re screaming in my ear that the playlist is crap halfway through the night). The sleepless nights spent worrying whether that transition from ‘Man’s Not Hot’ into ‘Africa’ will work are not only unappreciated, but not even noticed once everyone is off their face.

For Entz Teams that can be bothered to sell club tickets, the journey to the promoters is among the least glamorous parts of the job. After being continually harassed with passive aggressive Facebook messages, you eventually cave and go to do the pickup. From the moment you step into “the office” (the table in the corner of The Lighthouse), your eyes start to water from the smell of stale tobacco. It immediately begins to feel like something of a twisted episode of Dragon’s Den, in which the five puffer-coat wearing dragons must convince you that ‘Pounded Thursdays’ at JT’s is a worthwhile investment (hint to any incoming Entz teams: it’s not). They’ll subtly enquire to whether you have a formal on Friday, a cunning ploy to try and offload that pile of ‘Retox at Fever’ tickets no one has touched. You then proceed to gently let them down by telling them that no one really likes going to Fever. You still take some of the wristbands anyway, partially out of pity, but more so because you just can’t deal with the confrontation in your hungover state.

The night of a bop (or the entire weekend if you’re an Entz rep) is where the anxiety really gets into gear. The holy grail of bops are those held at external venues like Plush, where there’s no clean-up or any sort of real responsibility – these are for Entz teams with budgets the size of the US defence programme.  They’re able to enjoy a carefree night, comfortable in the knowledge that they aren’t liable for anything that goes wrong. Meanwhile, those at the bottom of the bop hierarchy spend their evening running around with wet floor signs and bin liners full of plastic cups in their college’s function room. These rooms were designed for symposiums on sustainable development, not 100-strong mosh pits to ‘Feed ‘Em to the Lions’. The sound of smashing glass soon imparts the same level of dread as that fog horn sound from a Christopher Nolan film. Most of the evening is spent looking out longingly from behind the bar, wanting to join your mates on the dancefloor and wondering why you signed up to do this. You go home completely exhausted and disheartened, and the only pull you get is on the plunger – trying to dislodge bits of vomit from the clogged toilet U-bend at 2am.

All of this would make you not want to touch the role with a bargepole. However, despite all of the chaos, cleaning, and chunder, it still manages to be a fair bit of fun. Once you accept that no matter how good of a bop you throw there will always be complainers, it’s possible to stop stressing out and enjoy yourself a bit. Accidents do happen, but Reps are likely to have caused their fair share of carnage also. It’s almost as though those that become Entz Reps are giving back to the community for their own drunken mistakes. They may not be the best people for the job, or even remotely competent, but you’ll struggle to find a group of people more willing to sacrifice their degrees in the name of a good time – and for this, at least, they deserve a little bit of recognition.

It’s time to freshen up the BBC coverage of the Varsity Match

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The Cambridge scrum-half stands serenely behind the light blue pack. The Oxford line can do nothing but stand and wait. Bell’s hands cock, and the cycle whirrs into motion; the Cambridge forwards no longer engage in contact, but simply receive and burrow to the turf, entrusting their master conductor to engage checkmate. Bell has been supreme for 79 minutes and 59 seconds. 80 minutes exactly ticks over, and the ball is once again in Bell’s hands. Here’s the moment you’ve been dreaming of, son. Pluck the ball from the back of the ruck and absolutely leather it high into the depths of the inviting Twickenham stands.

It is in fact the only error that creeps into Bell’s game all day. It’s knocked on, a moment of untidiness that nonetheless stands out in a touch-perfect display. Only Bell can shed light on the thoughts that flickered through his mind in that moment. Had he been the de facto choice in this Cambridge unit, maybe the ball would’ve cannoned emphatically off his boot, but Chris Bell was called up to the first XV only weeks ago, when regular nine and four-time Blue Seb Tullie injured his knee. 20 years of age, an undergraduate studying History at Girton College, an unused substitute in last year’s triumph, thrown into the side this time around. It’s a good bet that amidst the fever pitch of those final seconds, the occasion finally engulfed its man.

The Varsity Match is the most venerable sporting duel between the shades of blue, once acting as the breeding ground, the ultimate arbiter for those who would go on to impact the international stage: Stuart Barnes and Rob Andrew as opposing fly-halves in the 1982, Tony Underwood as a flying winger and Phil de Glanville too later in the decade.  That is not to say that high-calibre international talent no longer dons the iconic jerseys. For years, post-graduate study at Oxbridge has been gilded by the opportunity to take the field at Twickenham. Australians from Brian Smith to the late Dan Vickerman have captained Blue in the past. These acquisitions generate a wider scope of interest and indulge social media hype, but often lost on the occasion is the mutual benefit, the impact on the undergraduate body who form the beating heart of both clubs. This is what will continue to drive the fixture forward.

The BBC still dedicate coverage to the event, albeit relegating the women’s fixture to the red button. The issue is that the coverage must keep developing if it is to counter dwindling audiences. Unofficially, Oxford went into this year’s fixture looking to cement their place as the leading amateur rugby team in the northern hemisphere, having put Bucs Super Rugby champions Hartpury College, Irish champions Trinity, and a Collegiate All-American side all to the sword with eye-catching attacking rugby this season. However, there was no mention of such feats in the build-up. While the parables of old Varsity successes warmed the crisp December showpiece, it smacked of the lack of individuality afforded to the Match. A new face perhaps, but the same questions.

I watched the fixture in a student-packed bar in the Tignes Resort on the Varsity Ski Trip, and it was significant how the crowd were distinctly more enlivened by the talent of the undergraduates than their professional counterparts. It’s tempting to suggest that a showcase of amateur rugby should be exactly that, and its coverage should cast more of the spotlight on the 20-somethings who have grafted relentlessly throughout gruelling schedules to make their marks on the occasion.

Every year, there are players for whom the Varsity Match is their swansong. This year, for instance, was Ollie Phillips’ final performance in a distinguished career. For Oxbridge’s amateurs though, it is the biggest game of their entire lives, a rare opportunity to sample the high life their elders have revelled in. This is their time. It was genuinely invigorating that the best player in each shade of blue were both 20-year-olds: Bell with his electric handling and draconian movement, and Will Wilson with his powerful dynamism and combative propensity for the high ball. Both scored tries on the hallowed turf that will live long in the memory.

Upon returning from the trip I re-watched the game on iPlayer, watching the analysis cut short in the mountains a few days prior. It was genuinely disappointing then that the post-match interview failed to convey the injection of youth that had characterised the 136th Varsity fixture, instead deciding on a sentimental trip down memory lane with the 35-year-old Phillips and his self-confessed old legs.

“You’ve obviously lived the build-up to this match,” Inverdale enthused in his closing remarks, before leading on to the most pertinent question of the afternoon, and one that simply cannot be answered unless future coverage is shaken up to reflect the Varsity Match as it is today.

“But what will it actually mean to them?”

TV gets real as Easy returns for a second season

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Easy follows the lives of different characters navigating love and friendship in Chicago. It sounds like the same tired script that TV executives keep pitching us in an attempt to make Friends happen again, but it’s not. Each episode follows a new group of characters, and explores a different aspect of relationships, the connection between each being a shared acquaintance and the Windy City.

Joe Swanberg, a pioneer in the ‘mumblecore’ independent film movement, uses his mix of improvisation and deft naturalism to create stories that are neither tired nor revolutionary, but simply real. Easy does not rely on great set pieces or plot points, instead it is a show that relies almost solely on acting and dialogue – to the point that if the sets were stripped away and replaced with an empty stage, little would be lost.

Easy makes the smallest story seem important. Characters’ lives, however insignificant they may be on the world stage, are never diminished or trivialised. Rather, we are shown a city full of different, interesting, and broken people who all contribute in their own way, and who matter to those around them. Swanberg marks himself as a skilled writer in his ability to make us empathise with the worst of humanity, with its selfishness and greed, whilst showing us that the best often lies beneath. In a culture which is increasingly turning to superheroes and gods for our lessons on morality, Easy is refreshing in its understanding that none of us have the answers, and that there often isn’t a magic fix to our problems.

Just when we feel we’ve reached the limits of our empathy, the episode ‘Conjugality’ asks us to go deeper. Jacob Malco, an illustrator who already demonstrated his profound narcissism within the first series, looks for redemption for the way he treated his ex-wife. Through pieces of dialogue, we establish his infidelity, his egotism, and the way he destroyed this woman. And yet, when they sit face-to-face to discuss his misdeeds, he appears more complicated. His teetering hesitation before saying “I’m sorry” pulls us in, as well as the tangible guilt on his face as his ex-wife, Karen, opens her heart up to him. Jacob’s ability to finally recognise his mistakes doesn’t make him good but it makes him self-aware, and ultimately allows us to like parts of him. We are seduced, just as Karen is, into thinking that his charm and wit overwhelms his flaws, until the last scene when, her trust in him destroyed once more, Jacob concerns himself more with the advancement of his career than their relationship. Although it feels that Swanberg pushes his character back to the beginning, in fact, he shows us the way in which people can be aware of their flaws but continue to exploit them, how they pay lip-service to the good in them, if only to hide the bad. How much of this feat is indebted to Marc Maron’s performance as Malco is unclear, as the lines between improvisation and script are muddied by an actor who has gone through two divorces himself.

Swanberg also makes us question even the most fundamental opinions we think we hold. Easy examines themes of polyamory, sexuality, and gender roles without ever feeling like a cynical attempt to crowbar “hot topics” into the script. In the episode, ‘Open Marriage’, preconceptions about open relationships are both explored and dispelled. Although it is clear that despite sleeping with other people their love for each other hasn’t changed, Andi and Kyle aren’t satisfied by the sex they have outside of their marriage. Swanberg doesn’t dismiss polyamory, instead he shows us its complexity, and more broadly, the complexity of human desire and love. Similarly, in ‘Lady Cha Cha’, the way in which those desires complicate our beliefs manifests itself. Chase finds that her girlfriend Jo isn’t happy with her being a burlesque dancer, despite her usual enthusiasm for women expressing their sexuality. As Jo feels compelled to share how jealous Chase’s burlesque dancing causes her to feel, the visceral images of naked female bodies force the audience itself to question how far their sex positivity goes, and whether we truly believe women should be allowed to express their sexuality.

In a show which presents sex as full of awkward moments and not always good, as well as human bodies as diverse and real, Easy compels its audience to experience its version of the real world. Swanberg shows an imperfect world full of imperfect people, and yet, his treatment of these imperfections still seems far more compassionate and progressive than the world we live in.

Why do we love anti-Christmas songs?

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Rejoice, Love Actually is on Netflix, meaning that in amongst sequences of Hugh Grant dancing in No.10, adorable shots of Keira Knightley, and a cameo by Rowan Atkinson, are the hilarious one-liners of Bill Nighy playing washed-up-has-been Billy Mack. King of the ‘Anti-Christmas song’ he asks his audience, please, “if you believe in Christmas, children, like your uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record.”

Amongst these Christmas records you have distinct categories. There’s the universally loved hymns like ‘Silent Night’. There’s obligatory X-Factor Number 1’s which have brought us such delights as Joe McElderry’s cover of ‘The Climb’. Then you have the true commercial successes. Would anyone’s Christmas be complete without the sound of Slade’s Noddy Holder declaring ‘It’s Christmaaaaaaaaaaaas’? Finally, you have the unrivalled Mariah Carey with “All I Want For Christmas is You.”

Yet, interspersed amongst these feel-good tunes are the rogue breakup songs that aren’t really that Christmassy at all. Christmas Charts always make room for these down-beat ballads. For every singalong classic, there’s someone reminding us that this Christmas, much like Billy Mack they’re “wrinkled and alone.” But the idea to release an off-beat sad-tune has been around since the 1950s. Icons like Price, Elvis, and The Everly Brothers, brought us songs with titles and lyrics as unhappy as ‘Another Lonely Christmas’, ‘Blue Christmas’ and even ‘Christmas Eve Can Kill You’ – none of which inspire good will. Surely the fact that the King and Queen of Sad-Core Johnny Cash and Joni Mitchell have had a crack at penning Christmas songs should indicate a trend for writing anti-Christmas tunes.

But the most groundbreaking to emerge from this tradition, never missing from a Christmas playlist or festive countdown, is the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl with ‘Fairytale of New York’. Typically the song comes at the night’s end, so after one too many drinks, you can disguise your drunken slurs as an impression of Shane MacGowan’s ‘unique’ voice. Now famous slurs like “You’re a bum / You’re a punk / You’re an old slut on junk,” make you wonder what on earth went on in the board-meeting when the band pitched their idea to then producer Elvis Costello. Legend has it, the song we all know and love is a hashed together response to a wager made by Costello that they couldn’t write a Christmas song. Yet we might ask, realistically what is alcoholism, heroin abuse, and a toxic relationship breakdown doing in a Christmas song? It truly sounds more like a Sex Pistols track than a Christmas sing-along. But apparently it’s one of the UK’s most played Christmas tracks of the 21st Century – so what are the British public playing at? What is it about this sorrowful complaint that puts us in the Christmas mood year after year, and allows you to be obnoxiously anti-Christmas without ever being a Grinch?

Moving away from drunken bars to the ski-slopes of Wham’s ‘Last Christmas’ music video, we get a more aesthetic kind of Christmassy sadness. It’s a song you associate with your parents’ office Christmas parties. Its charm you could attribute to a number of things: there are some appalling 80s perms, which have never been dampened by the test of time, or the snow and most of us recognise a young George Michael casting glances down the camera lens at you, whilst in the background, bells and 80’s synthesisers chime. All this occurs alongside the timeless lyrics: “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart / But the very next day, you gave it away”. With this tune it’s easier to pinpoint why we might be attached to a bit of sadness amongst all the manufactured mirth. Christmas isn’t a happy time for everyone. There’s heartbreak amongst it all.

But why spoil all the fun with reality? That’s the point – it is the sad reality.  The overarching themes that wrangle these songs together are loss, loneliness and separation. And there must be a reason why the most enduring songs, the miserable, melancholic, alcoholic ones are still so prevalent. Christmas is a time for empathy, but it’s also a time where we tend to turn inwards and forget those who aren’t immediately close to us. Systemic issues of isolation, alcoholism and chronic loneliness at this time of year may offer a reason as to this musical trend. That’s perhaps why bittersweet tunes like Band Aid’s ‘Feed the World’ and John Lennon and Yoko Ono’s ‘Merry Christmas (War is Over)’ are often the most successful despite their sad sentiment. Whilst the outrageous success of ‘Fairytale of New York’ might be seen as somewhat anomalous, in most cases there’s a trend to be seen and to think about.

Star Wars: The Last Jedi review – ‘unpredictable plot twists and deeper characters’

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I didn’t go into Star Wars: The Last Jedi with particularly high expectations. I found The Force Awakens reasonably enjoyable, but it felt like such a rehash of old Star Wars moments that I didn’t feel a burning desire to see more. Yet, as I sat down to watch this new entry in the saga, the familiar trumpet fanfare resounded through the cinema and the same old yellow font began to roll off into space, and I realised I had goosebumps. Despite everything, I was actually ready to see where this new film would take the franchise.

Episode VIII immediately hurls the viewer into the thick of the action as ex-Stormtrooper Finn wakes from his coma to find that Commander Poe has led Resistance forces on a high-stakes mission to take down a dreadnaught. Meanwhile, Supreme Leader Snoke wants Kylo Ren to prove his strength once and for all, while Rey desperately tries to enlist the help of Luke Skywalker to take the First Order down. What follows is a thrilling, twisting plot which culminates in a stunning (if slightly too long) end sequence. The CGI and cinematography of the firework-like red explosions of dust on the white topsoil of the planet Crait during this sequence provides some of the most epic visuals the series has ever seen, which couldn’t be contrasted more than with the adorable Porgs, creatures which are best described as a cross between puffins and lemmings.

Though the franchise made a clear attempt to increase the number of female characters in prior entries, The Last Jedi proved that the tables have begun to turn. In The Force Awakens, I thought Rey seemed like any forgettable heroine from a YA novel; here, her character blossomed and began to show intriguing depths as she struggles with the temptations of the Dark Side. New character Rose, a downtrodden mechanic who never changed out of her boiler suit, made an unlikely heroine, and yet she was given a chance to prove herself in her adventures with Finn without sinking into cliché. Purple-haired pilot Admiral Holdo (Jurassic Park and Big Little Lies’ Laura Dern!) was yet another unpredictable and refreshing addition, while Carrie Fisher gave a heartbreakingly captivating final performance as Leia.

The unpredictability of this film was one of its greatest strengths. I was genuinely surprised by many plot twists and found the big reveals provided satisfying, plausible retorts to fan speculation. Another interesting aspect of the film was the apparent blurring of boundaries between the light and dark sides of the Force, a reminder that no character is totally good or evil. The telepathic exchanges between Rey and Kylo Ren proved tense, adding a welcome new dimension to each character.

The film was by no means perfect. Domnhall Gleeson’s performance as the squealingly evil Hux was not particularly multi-dimensional and verged on the camp, although it looked like he was enjoying himself. I thought the initial exchanges between Rey and Luke were rather hurried and wooden, and was slightly baffled by the scenes where she followed him around his island home, watching him drink green milk from the udders of what looked like overgrown Heffalumps. However, it’s easy enough to view these things as part of the fun and take them in your stride.

All in all, then, The Last Jedi’s character development and intelligent nods to the rest of the series are welcome developments, while its exciting plot and above-average number of humorous moments help keep its two-and-a-half hour running time feel less unwieldy. As the credits rolled, I was filled with a new hope that far from being on their last legs, the Jedi would return with a vengeance – and so would I for Episode IX.

Autism as the ‘North Star’: ‘The A Word’ season 2 review

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‘The A Word’, a BBC drama created by Keren Margalit, centres around Joe a young autistic boy and his loving family as they tackle life as an imperfect unit. While the first season focused on parents, Paul (Lee Ingleby) and Alison (Morven Christie), coming to the realisation that their son is different to other children, season two delves deeper into the inner workings of their family as they strive to do right by Joe. More than a series that deals with autistic life, ‘The A word’ is an intricate expression of the complexities that surround interpersonal relationships in the 21st century.

Autism, being a disorder that lies on a spectrum, is necessarily met with controversy each time it is depicted in the media, coverage which is crucial in raising awareness but often disappointing in its treatment. Every experience of autism is different, with manifestations varying massively between individuals, so there is a definite danger of generalisation and stereotyping with any drama that constructs fictional representations. ‘The A Word’ has its faults but succeeds in its exploration of how other family members are affected; of how a condition which involves a difficulty in communicating can lead to a breakdown of communication between those immediately affected.

‘The A Word’ paints a sensitive portrait of a family dealing with the practical realities of life with an autistic child.  Joe takes to heights at school, climbing up a ladder at break time to the alarm of parents and students alike, only coming down when his mum and dad skilfully reach out to him. Here we see strains extending beyond the family, to the circle of parents who feel Joe is a disruptive addition to the school. In response to fears and complaints, Alison and Joe rightly speak out and defend their son to dissuade the local community from intolerance and misunderstanding. Alison goes as far as to say it is a privilege to have a boy like Joe in their midst, to teach the others that not everyone sees the world in the same way. As a reflection of a society in which one in five children with autism have been excluded, ‘The A Word’ provides a poignant snapshot of the great and very real pressures created by public attitudes towards autism.

The present-day parenting of Joe is captured alongside anxieties that come with the hypothetical paths that Alison, and particularly Paul, can’t help but project for him in a world that he may not always understand, and more painfully, may not always understand him. Mark, a 16-year-old also with autism, comes into the family’s life through a support group, and in him, Paul sees Joe’s future, one of burden without possibility. Paul’s disillusionment surrounding his son and his marriage mounts throughout the series, with optimism fading in the latest episode as the strains on Paul and Alison intensify to the point of rupture.

Choked and crumbling at the school play, Alison can hardly keep it together and everything seems precarious until Joe’s performance. Throughout the series, Joe physically positions his family members side by side in a touching attempt to communicate his desire for them to stay together – turning his back on the audience, he performs purely for them, the people who matter most. In a frightful moment, Joe’s grandfather collapses on stage. We next encounter him in hospital, jovial and understated. Deftly written by Peter Bowker, ‘The A Word’ comfortably navigates the uncomfortable, puncturing potentially tragic scenes with comedy, expertly delivered by Christopher Eccleston in his role as a somewhat socially inept grandfather.

Ending on a bittersweet note, with Alison and her children sat side by side on the camper van as Paul detachedly looks on, ‘The A Word’ leaves us uncertain as to what state the family will be in by next series. All we are left with is the knowledge that Joe is their ‘North star’, an undeniable part of the family who will hopefully act as a uniting and not a divisive point, around which they all revolve and move forward.

Council to extend Syrian refugee scheme

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Ten more Syrian families are to be resettled in Oxford, in a continuation of a City Council scheme designed to aid some of the worst affected victims of the Syrian civil war.

The City Executive Board is set to meet on Wednesday to officially approve the move, welcoming more families to join the 21 already rehoused since the programme began in autumn 2015.

Most of the families already in Oxford and those due to arrive are part of the British government scheme to relocate those deemed ‘especially vulnerable’.

This means the city’s new residents will have suffered detention and some form of physical or psychological injury before arriving in the UK.

Councillor Bob Price, Leader of Oxford City Council, told Cherwell that public support for the resettlement scheme has been strong from the start, reflecting “the open and international character of Oxford people”.

He said: “It has been a very successful programme managed by a dedicated Council officer in close partnership with Asylum Welcome and Refugee Resource, two local charities.

“The Council’s Housing Department has excellent links with the private landlords and agencies in the city through their work in finding temporary homes for homeless families.

“There is a sizeable settled Syrian community in Oxford already which has helped in the process of integration.”

Speaking earlier in the week, he set out the benefits for Oxford, saying: “We are getting people who have skills for the local economy.

“We are bringing in young people who are going into education who will contribute to the economy, and we are also bringing to the city the influence of their culture.”

“Now, Oxford is seen as a national example… people are incredibly socially-aware and people want to help.”

Dan Iley-Williamson, a Labour Councillor for Holywell Ward, told Cherwell that the Council’s involvement was “part of the desperately needed response to the humanitarian crisis caused by the brutal war in Syria”.

He argued, however, that the current UK Government’s refugee resettlement policy – which promises to rehouse 20000 Syrians overall – is a “gross abdication of our responsibility to help those in need”.

“Instead of turning our backs on those who have suffered the horror of a devastating civil war, we should be welcoming them. Here in Oxford, that is what we can do…[and] families resettled in Oxford are able to rebuild their lives,” he said.

Under the Council programme, a particular focus is given to English language teaching, provided by “charity partners”. All the 43 resettled adults are undergoing English tuition.

This will ensure, according to Councillor Price, that “adults are able to function successfully in the labour market and in dealing with health and education services. This teaching is mainly delivered through a network of unpaid volunteer tutors”.

One of the charities involved, Asylum Welcome, has also increasingly highlighted the challenge of searching for employment opportunities. So far, seven of the adults resettled are in work.

Kate Smart, a director at Asylum Welcome, told The Oxford Mail: “One man who was a doctor in Syria is only getting offered work in restaurants.

“That is the one thing they are complaining about to us more than anything – finding employment.”

In total, there are 45 children from the Council’s programme now attending school across the Oxford area.

One child, 13-year old Amineh Abou Kerech, a pupil at Oxford Spires Academy, won the national Betjeman Poetry Prize in October for her work ‘Lament for Syria’.

How to be the edgiest dresser at Cellar

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Fashion. It’s a funny thing.

Remember topknots? I used to have one of those. But that was way back in 2015, a much simpler (better) time. These days, new trends are starting off left, right, and centre – it’s borderline impossible to keep up with them all.

One hotbed of fashion is none other than Oxford’s very own Cellar. Do you want to be edgy? Do you want to feel like you’re cool? Do you want to conform to society’s overwhelming consumerist pressures by shelling out exorbitant quantities of cash on a brand-new wardrobe to impress your friends, and far more importantly, strangers?

Well, look no further. I present to you a comprehensive guide of the coolest styles you’ll find in Cellar.

1. ’The Ralph Lauren Roadman’

Trackies, black top, Ralph Lauren polo hat (tragically, we didn’t have one). You got your keys fam?

Model: Teresa Rendell

What better way to hide your privileged start in life than to dress like you’re from an estate which didn’t have a butler, several acres of forests/field, or multiple ponies? Show me a better to way to divert attention from the fact you’re using daddy’s credit card than pretend you didn’t even have one growing up. I mean, how else are you going to fit in at an elite university – beset on all sides by people from wealthy, influential families – if you don’t ruthlessly appropriate working-class culture?

It’s not easy being a Ralph Lauren Roadman – you could be mistaken for a poor person at any time. A true RLR knows all the words to four, precisely four, grime songs: Shut Down, That’s Not Me, Shut Up, and Feed ‘Em To the Lions.

Remember, just because you’re dressing like a plebeian, that doesn’t mean you should be living like one. Why on earth would anyone bother leaving their ends if their hat didn’t boast a fashionable brand’s logo?

(Sidenote: Purists would argue that this outfit is never complete until it’s stained with jagerbombs and/or nondescript white powder.)

2. ’The Lumberjack’

Dungarees, checked shirt, and boots fit for a day of hiking. An axe wouldn’t hurt, too.

Model: Sam Juniper

Are they master woodcutters, ensuring we’ll have firewood aplenty to last this bitter, freezing winter? Or are they just city dwellers kitted out in dungarees and corduroy thinking they look edgy? Yet more of life’s unanswerable questions. No one knows for certain.

This lot are a hardy, friendly people (Once you ignore their infuriating habit of shouting ‘TIIIIIIMBER!’ anytime the bass drops).And, if you’re lucky enough to be heading home with one of them at the end of the night, you can be sure to wake up to a cooked breakfast and a fresh pot of black coffee. Meanwhile, your paramour will gaze out of the window, whistling softly before muttering “It’s yet another beautiful day in the wilderness”.

3. ‘Balliol Indie’

Doc martens? Check. Trousers that aren’t made of denim? Check. A Tumblr account with >10,000 followers? Double check.

They’re not your normal, run-of-the-mill individual. They’re different. They’re alternative. They’re Balliol Indie. It’s a thing.

I believe there comes a point in every impressionable young adult’s life where they realise it’s just not worth putting up with excruciating discomfort in the name of fashion. Somehow, Balliol Indies have no such realisation. I envy them, they’re too Indie even fro nature. Imagine that. How do mere mortals wear such thick (likely homemade) jumpers inside Cellar, the world’s messiest sauna? Are their jumpers magic – does vintage shopping grant special powers in exchange for making you ever so slightly insufferable?

For some reason, this particular breed of Cellarite appears in far greater numbers for Burning Down the House, in an ultimately doomed attempt to fool themselves into thinking they live in another era. Tragic.

4. ‘The Slogan Crew’

A top with a few meaningless words scribbled on the front. ‘Stussy’? ‘Patagonia’? ‘Independent Since 1920’? It all means nothing to normies like me.

Woah, these guys aren’t fucking around. You’re telling me they’re wearing otherwise plain item of clothing with some big important words written on them? AND these words have no contextual meaning? Now that’s cool.

But it’s got to mean something. Why else would they be so keen to show off this word or phrase? Just take the guy on the left in the picture – am I meant to “CHILL”? Are they “CHILL”? What does it mean? I just find it all so confusing. Then again, we all know there’s nothing edgier than blagging about the deeper connotations of your outfit; these lot certainly have a head-start there.

5. ‘The Glitterball’

Shiny top. Warm, puffy coat. Most importantly, glitter. And lots of it.

 

Glitter is awfully popular these days – Christ, it’s the new nose ring, the new vintage Adidas/Nike jacket, the new posting people’s initials on Oxlove instead of their full name, (as if that makes using a public Facebook page to perv on somebody any less creepy).

Glitterballs either go horrifically overboard or put everyone else to shame – I guess it depends on your perspective. Popular (read: basic) patterns include streaks of glitter across one’s cheeks or one curving up around each eye. More hardcore (read: awesome) styles include literally crying glitter (see left), a glitterbeard (see right), or giving zero fucks and getting tons of it in your hair. Expect their outfit to be adorned with shimmering sequins, shiny fabrics and trendy gemstones, or alternatively with relaxed, pastel colours, emphasising the glitter.

However, don’t be lured too close by their pavonine nature. Kissing one of these sparkling creatures would be a grave error indeed. I recently had an abysmal one-night stand made worse – this is after she had deemed the experience “disappointing” – by the vast deposit of glitter left behind on my bedding. Every morning since I’ve woken up looking far more sparkly than I feel inside. My life is a mess.

6. TheDid I Tell You I’m Vegan?’

Flamboyant patterns, wavey trousers, charity t-shirts, plant based diet, old fleeces, and – what? Again, a plant based diet! Didn’t I tell you I’m vegan?

I’m sure they’ll receive their Scott Pilgrim vs The World vegan superpowers any day now. Just you wait. Easily spotted by the jewellery they bought as a memento during their gap year (Gap Yah) in Nepal and/or Peru, they don’t eat animal products: this means they’re relatively harmless to approach in their natural habitat – Cellar.

There’s a reasonably high chance that veganism could come up in conversation, so it’d be handy to come equipped with a few talking points. For example, Sainsbury’s basics gin is vegan, oreos are accidentally vegan, there’s that stall at Gloucester Green which does nice looking vegan food (The one you’ve always been meaning to try but haven’t gotten around to yet), and how it’s ironic that despite the impressive moral stand taken by those who never consume animal products, it’s a shame that a subsection of these people won’t apply the same principles to the cocaine industry, which is responsible for thousands of human deaths in South America. Perhaps they’ve got a way of ethically sourcing it? It must be sustainable. I don’t know. They are excellent at ethically sourcing things though, I’ll give them that. Credit where credit is due.

This Old Dog review – ‘Convincing signs of newfound maturity’

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May 2017 – the month in which Prince Philip announced he was going to retire from royal duties, the dreaded exam season was once again underway, and more importantly, Mac DeMarco gifted us with the release of his long-awaited album This Old Dog, which I now consider one of the best albums of 2017.

With the music scene cluttered with more and more redefinitions of artists’ musical styles, a radical shake-up of his winning soft rock formula would prove unfruitful for DeMarco; in other words, he has mastered his style, and his fans love it.

A common theme that runs through the album is growing up and old age. Debatably his most popular track to date, ‘Salad Days’, scratches the surface of this (“As I’m getting older, chip up on my shoulder / Rolling through life, to roll over and die”), but in this latest record, it seems as if these ideas have consumed him. The first two teaser tracks from the new album were the title track ‘This Old Dog’ and ‘My Old Man’, both of which are much more introspective than usual, so fans could gauge that this record would feature a side of DeMarco that has not yet been explored before at this depth.

‘On the Level’, although often dubbed as the sister track to ‘Chamber of Reflection’ due to the unsteady, synth-heavy plodding they share, delves deeper into his personal life. While ‘Chamber of Reflection’ is centred on seclusion, ‘On the Level’ places his own life under scrutiny, as he is echoing his absent father’s words (“Make an old man proud of you”, “Who’s there left to blame?”). This is starkly contrasted by ‘One Another’ which conveys a light-hearted ‘everybody makes mistakes’ message accompanied by tuneful, syncopated guitar licks.

The penultimate track on the album, ‘Moonlight on the River’, is possibly the most obscure, as perfectly blended, plush chords slowly transform into an abrasive, curdling echo chamber of sounds from effect pedals. While this would be a poignant ending to the album, DeMarco’s most affecting, sincere song to date, ‘Watching Him Fade Away’ serves as the conclusion. The tenderness of the song juxtaposes the rockiness of his relationship with his father, as he lets go of something he never truly had in the first place.

The album tackles heartfelt issues, therefore listeners expecting feel-good tracks like ‘Freaking Out the Neighbourhood’ may be left feeling unfulfilled. However, having seen him in London recently light his nipple hair on fire on stage, it is evident that DeMarco is nowhere near to letting the jocular side of him go, despite his music showing convincing signs of newfound maturity.

The Jungle review- ‘an incredible, heart-wrenching story’

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It is not very often that a play warms your heart and stabs you in the chest in equal measure. The Jungle is a cacophony of human emotion – blistering in its truth and depth. A story that yearns to be heard.

From the moment you walk in, there is a feeling of community: “United people of the Jungle.” More so than any play I have ever been to, the audience are chatting. I was offered a jelly sweet by a stranger sat next to me and, later, a chocolate truffle by another in front. Yet, from the outset, the divisions are there for all to see – on each ticket is a country referring to the seating area allocated. Above them are the flags of the nations represented in the Jungle: Afghanistan, Kurdistan, Egypt, Eritrea, Syria, Iran, Iraq, Palestine and – rather incongruously – Arsenal: a flag that all nations can support.

The Jungle tells the story of the refugee camp in Calais by the same name, through the eyes of twelve refugees from Kurdistan, Iran, Syria, Afghanistan, Ethiopia and Eritrea; five well-meaning but hapless British volunteers and a hated French official. The cast includes three refugees who spent time in the Jungle themselves: Mohamed Sarrar, Bruk Kumelay and Moein Ghobsheh, which lends an authenticity to the project as a whole. We are lead through the realities of the camp by Safi, expertly played by Ammar Haj Ahmad, a Syrian refugee who has a degree in English literature and languages from Aleppo.

We understand the desperation of youth through joker Norullah (Mohammad Amiri), a 15-year old Afghan who becomes like a son to Salar (Ben Turner) the tirelessly stubborn owner of the restaurant in which we sit. Whilst the play feels in some ways like a celebration of the community that was established despite all odds, it constantly reminds us that its building was never intentional, they wanted to create a home across the channel – “We eat for UK, sleep for UK, shit for UK.”

The writers, Joe Robertson and Joe Murphy, who graduated from Oxford in 2011, spent seven months in the camp creating the Good Chance Theatre. Throughout the play they subtly invoke their conscience through the British volunteers – Sam (Alex Lawther) an Eton boy who thinks the housing can be solved by algorithms. He is chastened, to great comic effect, when told that this is not actually an English word but an Arabic one. Boxer (Trevor Fox) an empathetic drunk tell us that he is also a ‘refugee’ – “Fleeing the authoritarian regime of his ex-wife.”

Not only does this allow us to question what volunteers’ roles should be in refugee camps but we are also able to empathise with them. At the most powerful moment of the play, 17 year-old Okot (John Pjumojena) tells 18-year-old Beth (Rachel Redford) the story of his journey. The impact is magnified because we see our responses reflected in her reactions. The only time in the play when Okot smiles is when, in this speech, he tells us of the beauty of the sunrise in Darfur – all he wants is to be at home. The other refugees join him in the telling of the story and it becomes all of their stories – the horror that they have already been through to get to this “hell” is unimaginable.

The set is simply made up of tables and benches which are replicas from one of the restaurants in the camp. Yet Miriam Buether’s attention to detail, from the half-empty ketchup bottles on the tables to the mini naans that the audience are given, is outstanding. Thanks to Paul Arditti’s sound design and the opening of the set, the ultimate bulldozing of the Café feels both very immediate and real.

The Jungle succeeds in telling the story of people, real people who are bound together by hope. This hope is everywhere, from the insistent chants of ‘UK’ to the English lessons where Afghans learn the past tense through telling the story of their planned escape. Yet when a well-meaning Brit suggests that they rename it ‘Hopetown’ early on there is a tangible tension – the hope seems futile. The tension is in the fights that threaten to erupt at any moment, the failure of the British and French governments to follow their own laws – “Theresa darling buds of fucking May doesn’t give a shit.”  At the end of the play we are shown a video of a volunteer from Help Refugees explaining that The Jungle was destroyed in October 2016 and the Police now enact daily clearings to prevent any sense of community, any permanence from re-emerging. Still thousands of refugees lie in Calais, in hope.

At the end of the video Safi says to the audience, “Thank you for your hospitality” with not a hint of irony yet the irony is there for all to see. There is hospitality from Salar letting us into his restaurant, from the characters speaking English so that we can understand, but the UK and France have none to offer. It is comedic when Derek (Michael Gould) first blusters into the camp, apologies tumbling from his mouth on behalf of his country. Yet I can’t help but feel that I would react in exactly the same way. It is shameful how we are treating these people. I am ashamed at our lack of hospitality.

Human beings are incredible creatures: we build and we hope and we resist even when doing so seems entirely futile. The Jungle is a masterpiece which combines humour and grief, singing and shouting, celebration and fighting to tell an incredible, heart-wrenching story of a few thousand people longing to reach the White Cliffs of Dover.

Rightfully receiving a standing-ovation on Press Night, it is playing at the Young Vic until January 7th. You don’t want to miss it.