Monday 6th October 2025
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‘Artivism’ review – avoidance and awkward silence

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Anticipating an evening of lively debate and discussion on a range of topical issues alongside fishing for much-needed facts for my art and politics essay, I made my way to Wadham for the Isis’s ‘Artivism: Can Art Revolutionise?’ panel discussion. Undeterred by the absence of one of the promised speakers, Vivian Oparah, the artistic community of Oxford had a good turnout for this much-anticipated discussion. The interest no doubt came from the calibre of the guests, most notably James Graham whose play Ink is currently running in the West End and also Christopher Beanland who is a journalist and author specialising in Brutalist architecture.

In the first section of the event where discussion was limited to the panel themselves, the hosts Leela Jadhav and Ha Jar raised some excellent questions and areas for debate. Whilst always trying to appear as though they were in agreement, both James and Christopher seemed to focus on different aspects of our interaction with art. For Beanland, the human element and personal response seemed to be his greatest consideration, however Graham was very keen to expand on ideas of a communal response and the power of theatre as a political body in addition to the emotional responses triggered in the individual. Interesting points were raised by them both although it became almost immediately clear that Graham was more flexible in adapting to the particular line of questioning than Beanland. Beanland seemed cautious in not saying anything too provocative leading to vaguer answers; preferring to talk about the importance of art in our everyday lives rather than its power as a force for change.

The question and answer section of the event, which made up the second half, provided a great opportunity to watch the speakers respond to completely unforeseen questioning. Both Graham and Beanland attempted to answer the questions from the audience to the best of their ability. However, there were moments of brain-wracking silence reminiscent of a tutorial where both you and your partner have forgotten to do the reading. Questions such as the inequality in art on the matter of race in the media and the political responsibility of artists certainly placed both of the guests on the hot seat. Beanland largely bypassed this via evasion whilst Graham made brave attempts to answer, when in doubt bringing the conversation back to the artistic development of Hull, his university town as well as the British city of culture.

A particularly engaging moment was when an audience member who had seen Graham’s play, Ink, in the West End shared her own emotional reaction to the drama. The speaker expressed her shock at finding herself liking Rupert Murdoch at a certain point in the play, and asking him whether such an emotional journey had been his intention. It must have been a great relief to her when he said yes.

Overall, it was a very well organised and polite panel discussion which opened up many areas for thought and debate, even if they were not all thoroughly explored. Interesting and thought provoking, but not revolutionary.

50 Shades Freed confines and confuses its viewers

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“Be careful not to struggle, Ana,” Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) warns his newlywed (Dakota Johnson) of his handcuffs in the first sex scene of Fifty Shades Freed, “they bite back”. Aside from being the first of many desperately unsexy love-making episodes, his warning provides a useful way of identifying the overriding problem with the film: ironically, unlike the handcuffs, it simply doesn’t bite back.

There isn’t much for the protagonists to overcome in this final chapter of the Fifty Shades trilogy, as they spend most of their time in expensive cars, boats and a private jet. Christian and Ana’s lavish wedding and honeymoon are condensed into one montage, making the first five minutes feel more like an advert for Trivago than an actual film.

This is not to say that Niall Leonard (screenwriter and, incidentally, husband of E. L. James, the scribe behind the source novels) failed to throw any obstacles into the paths of Mr. and Mrs. Grey. In fact, the opposite is true: over the course of two hours, he throws almost every conceivable misfortunate at the characters, many of which would provide the entire storyline of any other film. These include a break-in to Mr. Grey’s office, arson, a kidnap, a suggested affair, another kidnap (this time with a ransom), a fight, and a baby – yet somehow, none of it means a damn thing.

Each of these conflicts is dispensed with so rapidly, it’s resolved before the audience has a chance to work out what its purpose in the story was. When Ana’s best friend confides about her fiancé’s suspected in delity, Christian’s response to his brother’s alleged affair is that “it’s none of our business”. The plot-line is abruptly dropped, as if it isn’t the audience’s business either. Considering I paid ten pounds to watch a story play out, actively shutting down plot threads seems to miss the point of making a film at all.

Even Ana’s feminist struggle against her over-controlling (and, frankly, abusive) husband, tantalisingly introduced at the start of the film, is over disappointingly quickly. Christian storms into her office after discovering she hasn’t updated her work email address to reflect her new married surname, and following an argument that lasts about two lines, she agrees to change it. Once again, she fails to bite back.

Fifty Shades Freed is little more than a string of montages of product placement and brief sex scenes that are more ridiculous than kinky (including a particularly entertaining scene of Ana and Christian painting each other in Ben and Jerry’s). The acting is flat (does Dornan only have one facial expression?) and the ending is bizarre – I can only assume that the shoe-horned pregnancy story-line was designed to please James’ readership of middle-aged mothers.

There are not fifty shades to this film. There is only one: boring.

Don’t give up on America

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According to a BBC World Service poll, 64 per cent of Britons see America’s influence on the world to have been more negative than positive. Astonishingly, given the amount of ideological common ground between the two countries, this is 15 per cent higher than the global average. As an Australian living in Britain the anti-Americanism here is notable. The question of why is multifaceted. A cynical view is that the visible parallels between American culture and British working class culture (the brashness, the monolingualism, the lack of haute culture) have led to the US being looked down upon by the upper echelons of British society since its inception. This doesn’t seem entirely fair on the Brits though, and there does seem to be a deeper, moral anger in this country which is particularly directed at US foreign policy.

There’s a consensus among many in Britain that the self-righteous talk emanating from across the Atlantic about liberty and democracy is a façade – and that the real America has caused much more human suffering around the globe than it has alleviated. This seems blinkered. The American contributions to global progress have been staggering and a world without the United States would be a crueler, darker place. The centrepiece of antiAmericanism since 2016 both in this country and around the world has been the political abomination that is Donald Trump. Even if you’re pro-America, the Trump presidency has been incredibly hard to watch. Like an old friend who has moved in with some ghastly, bigoted partner, America has increasingly isolated itself from friends and allies, many of whom have found themselves straining to recognise the country they once knew. Where is the country, we may well ask ourselves, that sent tens of thousands of its own citizens to die in the fight against fascism in Western Europe and the Pacific? Where is the country of Jefferson, Roosevelt and King? The answer is it never left.

There is so much more to America than the current administration. The country that voted for Barack Obama in 2012 has not gone away, nor have the 73 per cent of the voting age population who didn’t vote for Trump in the 2016 election. Trump was victorious not by virtue of having won more votes than his opponent, but by  an unfortunate quirk in the American electoral system. What’s more, Trump’s first year in office has been marked by some of the lowest approval ratings in modern American political history. It seems it is become easy to forget that most Americans do not like their president, and millions of Americans are every bit as shocked and as outraged by the Trump regime as those looking on from abroad. These Americans should not be tarred by the same brush as the illiberal, incompetent demagogue running the show. It pays to remember, also, that for all of America’s transgressions (and there have been many) there has never in the history of human civilisation been a nation state that has held so much power and yet yielded it so gently. The post-war United States has been thoroughly unconcerned with the idea of a geographic empire. Under the ‘Pax Americana’ there has been no process of permanent American geographical colonisation, nor has modern America attempted to annex the territory of its substantially less powerful neighbours. The same can certainly not be said of the British, French, Ottoman, Japanese Empires, nor can it be said of the USSR or China. Rather, the American world has seen a blossoming of democracies and of human rights protections around the world.

This is not a coincidence, nor was it in any way inevitable. Indeed since the fall of the Soviet Union there have been more countries and more people living in full democracies than in any other system of government. Even countries which aren’t democratic now feel the need to pretend that they are. America is not only the oldest democracy in the world (depending on your criteria), it is also by far its loudest supporter. It’s pretty clear there must be a link between this enormous proliferation of universal suffrage and the fact that the world’s greatest power happens to be the inventor of modern democracy. The transition of countries such as South Korea and the Philippines to democratic systems quite simply would not have happened without continual American pressure. Thanks largely to America, the majority of the world’s population now live in societies in which governments are accountable to the people. There effect has been one of remarkable change and frankly is not something to be sniffed at.

The irony of the American order is that the United States has been judged by their own criteria. When it comes to equality, access to justice and social process in general, it’s no secret that America lags behind much of Northern Europe. Criticising America along these lines is not only a critique many are eager to make, but is one that is wholly justified, especially in the Trump era. We should keep in the back of our minds, though, that many of our own indicators of progress derive their existence from the United States. For example, when we criticise Trump for his blatant sexism we draw heavily on the American feminist canon. Second wave feminism was born in the United States and spread from North America to the rest of the world. Even the word ‘sexist’ itself is attributable to American feminist Caroline Bird.

Likewise when we attack Trump’s racism we join our voices to those of millions of African-Americans, whose struggle for equal rights over the past decades prompted an end to racial discrimination laws around the world. The American civil rights movement spelled the end of the ‘White Australia Policy’ and focused global attention on the system of apartheid in South Africa. Without the United States, these laws would likely not have changed when they did.

Finally, when we criticise the Republican Party’s antiquated stance on global warming, it pays to remember that the world’s first environmental justice movements stemmed from the United States, which was also home to the world’s first national park. Our definition of progress has been heavily influenced by American ideals; if we lived in a world without the United States many of the battles for justice and equality globally would either have been lost or would never have been fought. One may well wonder whether we would have seen an end to apartheid, or a global push for female sexual liberation, or ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ in a world in which China were hegemon.

The softest target for those seeking to criticise the United States is undeniably its record in the Middle East. One should be careful in defending American policy in the region too vigorously, as much of it has been an unmitigated disaster. On the other hand, though blaming the systemic problems in the region purely on misguided American interventionism is inaccurate. Many of the Middle East’s woes are traceable to the collapse of the Ottoman Empire, the arbitrary carving up of the region by the British and French, and the geopolitical ventriloquism of the USSR – not to mention the intractable regional rivalries that exist on both a political and religious level. The United States have had their fair share of guilt to bear too, however assertions that the Middle East would be in a stable state of peace if America had just kept its nose out are pretty difficult to argue.

Likewise, to suggest that the American era should be purely judged through the lens of a region which has been mired in intraregional sectarian conflict for centuries doesn’t really seem like a fair evaluation. After the Trump inauguration many were quick to announce that we had entered into a post-American world. Analogies were hastily thrown together with the final days of Rome, with an image created of an inward looking United States in a state of gradual economic decline. Much of this followed the lead of Donald Trump’s own rhetoric about the country, which he labelled “a hellhole” which was “going down
fast.” Again though, this picture just isn’t accurate.

The American economy has been steadily growing for the past nine years and this January saw the creation of an additional 200,000 jobs, marking the country’s 88th straight month of job growth. To top it off America remains the world leader in almost all global industries, from financial services to digital technology. While it’s true that China’s GDP is now closing in on the top spot, the total value of America’s already manufactured assets (infrastructure, buildings machines and equipment) and its human capital (education, skills etc.) continue to dwarf those of every other major economy and will for a long time to come. America is not dead, and it is not dying. For all the talk of America retreating into itself, recent years have seen an increased American military presence in the Asia-Pacific region. This is good news, helping to smother regional tensions before they flare. Without US hegemony in Asia we could have seen a full blown Australian-Indonesian war over East Timor, or a nuclear South Korea and Japan, or bolder Chinese territorial claims in the South China Sea. The undergraduate assertion that America has no right to involve itself in the politics of the AsiaPacific region demonstrates a lack of understanding of what an East Asian or South East Asian power vacuum would actually look like, and who would step up to fill it. The Trump administration will pass and Europe will eventually once again see a country that more closely resembles our own staring back at us from across the Atlantic.

It’s of critical importance that in the whirlwind of Trump-ism we don’t forget all that America has done, and all that it still can. Though the phrase has become a tired, overworked cliché, America is still the country that emerged from decades of colonial oppression and the depravities of war to write in their Declaration of Independence:
“We hold these truths to be selfevident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” America has often been unfaithful to this principle, and has on occasions visibly strayed from it both at home and abroad, but it remains an astonishingly beautiful idea.The declaration was written against the backdrop of a pre-democratic, despotic colonial world. For all America’s faults, their foundation  as a state remains arguably the most moving pronouncement of the supremacy of human dignity in the history of our species.Reasoned criticism of the United States has its place, but those who long for a truly unAmerican world should be careful what they wish for.

The beach and the Bod

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Echo chambers. Disconnect. Phone-light harms sleep. Unrealistic standards of Instagram. Filtered reality… It’s easy to feel that rapid changes in technology have harmed how we connect to a community and locate ourselves in it. This is not one of those stories.

This is a celebration of the connectedness of social media, a celebration of how it creates shared cultural spaces that are no longer (strictly) limited by geography. As an Australian living on the other side of the world, it takes me at least 24 hours and two flights to get home. This vast distance is elided by the magic of the group chat, of social media, of online culture. My English friends and Australian friends watched Game of Thrones episodes at the same time. Both sides of the world joined in responding to media. My college friends watch (and are obsessed) with Australian comedians that they never would have heard of in a pre-internet age. I see people on both sides of the planets getting tagged in the same memes about The Simpsons, or Star Wars, or Doctor Who. My Facebook fills with snow pictures and beach pictures at Christmas.

My identity is beach and bod, and although it’s bizarre, I can bridge these two worlds through something as simple as snapchat. I have a family group chat where my two siblings and parents post photo updates (my mum, since I moved overseas, has learnt how to use Facebook messenger, take pretty decent photos on her phone, use the ‘haha’ and ‘love’ react, and sometimes, she even opens the front-facing camera on purpose instead of accidentally).

I witnessed this amazing power of connection to home recently in a way that reminded me how incredible worldwide instant communication is. Last November, Australia held a bizarre and long contested “survey” to legalise same-sex marriage. I had been part of the debate and campaigning when I was home during the summer, and I’d been certain to get a proxy vote so that my voice would be counted once I’d left. I felt regret upon flying out: like I should have been there going to the rallies that my friends were at and using my political capital to the full.

However, on the night (UK time) when they were announcing the vote, I was sitting in my room waiting for 11pm with the Australian Broadcasting Commission’s live stream open on my computer. I waited with baited breath, completely alone. I felt that despite the unwavering support of my British friends that I wanted to do this with Australians. And so, at the precise moment when the figure 61.6 per cent YES was announced (at around 11:06pm), my social media exploded. A friend who grew up on the same street as me messaged immediately. I barraged my family group chat as we all responded happily. I was posting live updates about how electorates had voted to my brother while he was at work.

My first boyfriend (who still lives in Australia) and I just messaged each other exclamation marks repeatedly. As my Facebook timeline was flooded with rainbows and smiling faces and just the word “YES” over and over again, I felt like I was part of it all. Despite being on the other side of the world, I felt connection to where I had come from.

Place is a tricky thing, loaded with memories and feelings. We can only inhabit one space physically at a time. Luckily, through Zuckerberg’s magic, I was able to occupy two virtual spaces, to be part of two communities, during this watershed moment. I think about what it would have been like to have gone to Oxford as an Australian even 80 years ago. International passenger flights only started in Australia in 1935. It would have involved saying goodbye to friends and family knowing that it was unlikely to see them for three years. Letters would have been scarce and expensive. Photos would be almost an impossibility. Books, movies, music, all arrived in Australia long after their UK release – unlike today, where we can recommend and share culture instantly.

The fact that I can message my sister “u awake”, and that she can reply instantly should be appreciated as a small miracle of modernity. We can all agree that social media is too powerful to not create problems. However, I hope we can also all agree that it is too powerful not to solve problems as well. We curate, construct, and mediate our identity through technology. This process should never go unacknowledged.

Radio Four’s money man on fake news media

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Social media and its role in mediating our perceptions of the world, is something of a modern bugbear. Centrists are tormented with visions of people rejecting the benevolent BBC and falling headlong into the arms of echo chambers and political extremists, whose views are subliminally poisoning the old, the left-behind and the less educated with a doctrine of pseudo-fascism.

Tim Harford laughs. The author of the Undercover Economist and presenter of Radio Four programme ‘More or Less?’, Harford prides himself on his ability to challenge such commonly held but often thinly substantiated beliefs.

For starters, no one, he says, even the most educated, is immune to the lure of media distortion. “Unreflective sharing and retweeting” is “super easy”, and even the driest of statistics can be interpreted emotionally, our own beliefs taking precedence over context. With a limit of just 280 characters, it is physically impossible for a tweet to contain the caveats of any study.

Any retweeted single headline is liable to mislead. Take, for instance, a recent article published by the Independent, that reverberated across the Remain Twittersphere. 230 EU academics had resigned from Oxford in what was termed a mass ‘Brexodus’.
It was a considerable increase on the preceding year and is probably testament to the amount of hostility felt by EU citizens living in the UK.

But the implied European ‘brain drain’ had not manifested. Indeed, EU recruitment had balanced staff losses, leaving the total number of academics almost unchanged.
Whilst such context doesn’t immediately invalidate the point being made, it mitigates the concept of a black-and-white Brexit apocalypse.

Such enthusiasm over this report, was, Harford says, symptomatic of “confirmation bias”.
“If you’re someone like me who thinks Brexit is not going to be terribly helpful for the British university system, when I see a headline saying ‘Oh all these academics have resigned’, I’d be like ‘Oh, yeah, of course’, rather than going ‘Wait hang on, how many people normally resign? Is that usual?’

“But on the other hand, if someone said more EU academics have joined from the EU so there’s no problem, I would naturally go, I’m not sure if I believe you, I want to see the details.”

Paradoxically, it is often those who are politically interested and have access to a lot of information who hold most strongly their original prejudice.

“Generally having more knowledge and more expertise doesn’t protect you, it just gives you more intellectual firepower to deliver the result you want, the result you anticipated to get,” Harford tells me. “Benjamin Franklin, one of the American founding fathers, once said (I’m paraphrasing here) ‘It’s great to be a rational person because you can find a reason to do anything you want.’

“And social media, with the sheer amount of statistics, reports and empirical ‘facts’, provides the perfect weaponry to back up almost any pre-existing argument, as well as a ready-made audience prepared to confirm one’s views.” The only solution is to be more self-critical.

“The very first thing you’ve got to do if you see any of these numbers is think ‘How do I feel about these numbers?’ Does this number make me feel righteously indignant, does it make me feel defensive?

“Unless you examine your feelings about the number, you’re not going to be able to analyse it in any sensible way.”

But it is perhaps through awareness of ‘fake news’, brought to our attention by social media, that we can be become savvier consumers of information. Newspapers get things wrong too, but by being aware of the potency of misleading headlines and uncontextualised statistics, we can become more self-aware as readers.

Rather than taking a newspaper, with its innate air of authority, at face value, we can extrapolate our online critical faculty to consider the implications of a newspaper’s political agenda and bias.

Furthermore, social media can also allow us access to a broader spectrum of views beyond the political frame of our publication of choice. “Yes, people cluster together on social media, you follow people whose views you agree with and the algorithms show you stuff you’re likely to agree with as well,” Harford admits. “But, and there’s pretty good research on this, you will see a broader spread.”

Through social media, we are liberated from the unifying eye of the editorial: we can skip between publications, our news feed having the ability to yoke together the Brexit-friendly opinions of the Telegraph and the anti-privatisation views typical of the Observer.

Such ability to deviate from set political party dogmas is important in a world where the borders of left and right are becoming increasingly blurred and cross-party issues dominate popular debate. We can use social media to our advantage, if only we stop believing that our existing knowledge makes us less susceptible to prejudice.

A Letter To: Singles on Valentine’s Day

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Dear Singles,

Valentine’s Day is upon us all, and so is everything that comes with it. You may be the type of person who’ll be secure in the knowledge that you’re a whole and rounded individual, not defined by your relationship status, or you may be the type of person who’ll languish in the fear that you’re fundamentally unlovable and doomed to be alone forever. Whichever it is, I’m here to tell you that you should re-evaluate your attitude to V-Day, because it is, in fact, a holiday for you.

Hear me out. You may not have anyone to be getting cosy with, but I’m sure you have someone to love in your life: your family, your friends, that person you made eye contact with more than twice in the Rad Cam. Whoever it is, good for you. Love makes the world go round. All of them (except the real snakes) will love you whatever the day.

Besides, we all know at least a few couples who will not be spending this holiday together again next year. So, rest safe in the knowledge that whilst for many, 14 February is a day designated to desperately fan the dying embers of their relationship into a few sputtering flames, for you, it’s just another day on which you are loved by your parents if no one else.

Moreover, let’s not neglect the fact that however unloved and alone you may feel, to be single on Valentine’s Day is a wise financial decision. You remove yourself from an entire market that could be exploited by the cold cash-grabbing claws of the corporations that run the capitalist cogs of our society. Sure, it’s nice to show someone you love that you appreciate them by buying them thoughtful gifts to show how much they mean to you. But, you know what else is nice? Pouncing on all the discounted chocolates on 15 February and consuming them by yourself, smug in the knowledge that you don’t have to split your spoils with anyone.

And finally, let’s face it, a day designed to celebrate romance and courtship is only going to inspire resentment in the bitter masses. People always root for the underdogs, and come Valentine’s, that is a position that you firmly occupy. An onslaught of BuzzFeed articles filled with ‘15 Reasons Being Single is The Best’ are headed your way, a litany of affirmations about how Valentine’s Day doesn’t really matter so don’t feel bad.

Come next year, some of you will have been snapped up by the ever-hungry jaws of romantic bliss, and some of you will be as single, solitary, or alone as you are right now. Whatever happens, your singledom is as uncertain and possibly ephemeral as most people’s relationships, and whether you resent it or revel in it, never forget that this is your day to celebrate.

Lots of love (because you deserve it),

 

Meha x

@mehascribbles

The same old Valentine’s Day dinners are sickening

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Did You Know I Have A Girlfriend?: Valentine’s Day is no worse than any other on his social media – it is, surprise surpise, just more over-filtered faux candids of his girlfriend sitting in Wagamama’s. Why are there so many heart emojis? Has he copy and pasted a 13 year-old’s Instagram bio? ‘Dinner with this one’, it’s captioned (ew). It crosses your mind that you have never seen the girlfriend actually eating in one of these pictures, just staring longingly at a plate of bland, untouched food in the £10 price bracket. Does she ever eat? Is she even allowed to? Her dull, hopeless eyes plead silently for him to end this torture.

吃苦: This is a Chinese idiom literally meaning ‘to eat bitterness’, which is exactly what these two will be doing for their Valentine’s meal. Neither can admit when it’s time to call it quits, so they’ve tried to make soufflé four times this evening, pulling it out from the oven, with each miserable attempt, a concoction more sad and deflated than the last. ‘This is what you do! This is what you do to everything!’ they inevitably will shriek at each other, as the fruit of their labour collapses quietly in the cold February air. After a few hours, he’ll order Deliveroo while she redoes the makeup she cried off so they can take a new joint cover photo.

Les gourmets: That couple who you want to like but you just can’t, because they’re too overachieving and therefore painfully damaging to your self-esteem. V-Day is obviously no exception. You’ll click onto a Snapchat story that appears to be a Food Network special from a Michelin-starred restaurant, only to realise it’s this cursed duo making coq au vin from scratch in the Staircase 20 kitchen. What a pair of idiots, you’ll mutter, struggling to see as your Tesco Basics ready meal steams up your glasses.

The aggressive singleton: By the end of January, she’s tagged her friends in every published Buzzfeed article about spending Valentine’s Day drinking wine with the cat (‘literally meee’). But it’s not literally her, because she doesn’t own a cat and is therefore trying to strong-arm you into a ‘girly date’ to Jamie’s Italian, where she’ll over-order pasta and garlic bread to prove that she’s quirky because she likes carbs. For dessert: pinot grigio and a snotty meltdown about how her Year 10 boyfriend took her here for their six-month anniversary.

The sexual deviant: They only want to eat one thing this Valentine’s Day, and you get it off Tinder, not from a restaurant.

The lotus-eaters: This couple isn’t going to let some commercialised, romantic holiday jar them out of their permanent state of peaceful apathy. They’ll make it a night in, moving like serene, drugged-up brontosauruses between the sofa and the kitchen counter, with the faint burble of Black Mirror in the background punctuated only by the occasional crunch of a Dorito. It doesn’t matter if you eat smelly food on a date night if the other person does too.

The budget-conscious: He firmly believes that Valentine’s gestures are always better when they’re cost effective, because financial stability is the truest form of love (what a senitment). To that end, he thinks you guys should stay in tonight – there’s some pasta bake in the fridge that you could microwave? It’s from last weekend and it’s totally meat free, so it should be safe.

‘I borrowed Daddy’s card’: Why is her Bitmoji in Paris? It’s the middle of term and you’re sure she has lectures tomorrow. ‘Daddy booked a trip for me and Jonty because I did quite well in collections, back on Friday x’. She and her slightly inbred-looking long distance boyfriend will gallivant around for a few days (seriously – how do they not have tutors chasing them down?), blessing you with pictures of food that you can’t even identify because it’s so expensive. Expect lots of bizarre-looking liquid nitrogen concoctions and plates that seem pretty much empty apart from Jackson Pollock-esque splatterings of sauce. When you do recognise a dish, it’s because you think you saw a Vice documentary about it – or rather, about the highly endangered South American lemur which is its primary ingredient.

If you’re reading this and realise that you exemplify one of these needy and painful stereotypes then remember – it’s not Valentine’s day yet, free yourself while you can.

John Bird: Tackling the big issues

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Reading through the transcript of my interview with John Bird, the Editor-in-Chief of the Big Issue,  I am reminded of Donald Trump. It is sprawling and constantly changing. Every sentence finishes on a different subject to its start and each thought is a non-sequitur.

The reasons for this, however, are very different. Whilst Trump is cynical and confused, Bird is positive and his mind is not distracted but overflowing with new ideas and solutions to the problems that he sees in the world. Also unlike Trump, if that comparison could ever be valid, Bird was not born with a spoon is his mouth. By the age when most of us were thinking about university applications, Bird had already lived in an orphanage, worked as a butcher’s boy, and served multiple spells in prison.

He tells me, when we talk in a café near the Houses of Parliament where every customer is a political name. “I don’t begrudge one iota, everything that happened to me in the end, turned to its opposite.” He criticises those who have left poverty and never looked back. He says: “I went back to where I came from, so to speak, and struggled to get other people out, and that is just so rare.” Whilst others escaped poverty and let that become just one part of their story, Bird has made it part of his life.

He is incredibly self-reflective when we talk. It would not be hard to when your life has gone from one extreme to another. He analyses some of the flaws in his personality. “I am incredibly talkative” and adds that he has “a super abundance of belief in myself which is a bit disruptive.” He even talks about how when drinking “I tend to over egg the pudding so to speak”.

Bird served multiple spells in prison when he was younger. He looks back on this as a positive. When he went to prison at the age of 16, he did not know how to read and write. But while incarcerated he learnt and said that this “changed the trajectory of my life.” Here, his mind starts to overflow and he side-tracks to talking about the history of welfare. He is fascinated by history and says that he wants “people to know that we are all historical and we are all to do with wonderful inventions.” It is enjoyable, but I try to get him back on track.

I ask him about the Big Issue. In 1991, he and his long term friend, Gordon Roddick who co-founded the Body Shop, started the magazine to combat rising homelessness. More than 20 years later, the Big Issue now publishes in nine countries and has over 80,000 readers. One of the magazine’s mantras is to give people ‘a hand up not a hand out.’ The phrase is synonymous with the Thatcher-esque critique of welfare. This is something that Bird seems to agree with. “What has often happened in poverty is we say here you are, we will give you this, you don’t have to work for it and you don’t have to earn it but you will use it wisely and its up to you. That is a hand out.”

This is not to say that he agrees with the full meaning of the critique. He accepts that the results of a hand up are limited by an abusive political system. “Most of those [people given hand ups] will never become eye surgeons at St Thomas’s hospital”, he says. He is also deeply sympathetic to the individual factors, which limit the chances of the homeless. He knows better than most the day to day problems that are caused by homelessness and is constantly working to correct them. “They have been destroyed by the conditions that they live in and they have added to that through self-medication in drink and drugs and all that stuff,” he tells me.

However, there is a worry that the Big Issue is not having as great an impact as it could. Bird says that idea is to “simulate what most of us have to do.” But simulation is not enough. Real change doesn’t take place through simulation but through action. The Big Issue fails to tackle the big issue. Despite this, he believes that the magazine can help people get out of homelessness. He calls this the three per cent method, which means breaking down problems into small portions.

He says that he got the inspiration for the idea when he was in prison and was given a task digging trenches by a prison officer. He says that he started dividing up the work into more manageable chunks. When the officer asked him “what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he said, “well, if I come here and look around, it’s going to overwhelm me and it’s going to piss me off.” Breaking up the task made it much easier for him and changed his perspective on homelessness.

He has a solution for homelessness, but does not believe that it is will ever end. He says that there is a “churn” of people becoming homeless and the statistics seem to back this up. Rough sleeping has increased by fifteen per cent in the last year and, with changes to Universal Credit and more austerity to come, this will only get worse. Bird analyses deep symptomatic issues in governance which have caused homelessness. “The way to change homelessness is to go right into the centre of government, which in itself produces the mechanisms.”

Institutions, for Bird, are at the core of the homelessness problem. “You have to got to cut the cancer out of poverty,” he adds. The discussion brings out a question of Bird’s personal politics. He sits on the cross-benches in the Lords but has previously told the Express that he is a “working-class Tory with Marxist-Leninist/Labour leanings.” A possible oxymoron? He doesn’t think so. He says that he finds liberalism “incredibly hard to live with” and isn’t a nationalist but it is hard to place his politics.

Perhaps that is because he has an issue that is so close to his heart and no one is successful in combating that. Everything is related to it. He labels Brexit as “the greatest opportunity to declare war on poverty.” He seems to be frustrated by the inability of politicians to experience real environments and live real lives. He spoke publicly about wanting Trump to visit so that he could show him the poverty in Britain. He tells me: “I would love to take him somewhere where he would be transformed and humanised.”

He goes on in stronger terms. He imagines politicians in a Hollywood film and says “I would transport the fuckers back to poverty. I would take them to a hospice and I would lock them in.” He adds, in slightly calmer language, that this also applies to British politicians: “spending time with people in deep poverty or need would do them all a good shake up.”

Most of all, his politics seem to come down to principle and not policy. He says that although there “are people that I would choose not to associate with” in the House of Lords, “I have very little problem with people who are committed to social justice irrespective of their politics.” Political differences don’t matter as long as someone wants to make a change.

Bird is a man with many plans. In answer to one question he tells me about a tea towel he is going to sell for charity, a plan for sociable housing, and a bill that he is sponsoring to combat homelessness in the Lords. His mind overflows with thoughts, plans, and solutions. He is a nightmare to interview, because each question causes a run of thought that has no imaginable end.

He is someone who has, in a very real sense, lived two lives. He was once unable to read and write, he is now eloquent and educated. He once was without a roof over his head, he now lives in a 17th century cottage. He once worked in the kitchens of the Houses of Parliament, he now sits on the red benches of the Lords. He explains the contrast to me. “The world is divided between the rescued and the rescuers… I was once of the rescued and I became a rescuer, and because of that am fascinated by the idea of doing it for many many many millions of rescued people.”

Bird is passionate, unsatisfied, and excited. He tells me of his dreams in life; to constantly keep learning and doing. “I want to fill a table with books and I want to sit there and bowdlerise them, or whatever you do, and essays and… I would love it, I would love it.”

He may be excited, but this often seems to lead him to frustration as a campaigner who wants change and expects more from people. “We have to say to the poorest in the country: don’t just whinge about the government. Get out there!” “We are very good at locking the stable door after the horse has bolted.” As we wrap up our interview I ask Bird if he has anything else to add. He recites a poem to me that is going to be printed on the tea towels that he is trying to sell for charity. He jokingly says that it is “up there with Lord Byron.” The poem is about a weed, and is sweet, with each line starting “weedy, weedy, weedy.”

There is nothing particularly moving in the poem itself, but the idea gives an insight into Bird’s mind. He believes that he has personal responsibility to help others. While he cannot be expected to cure the homelessness problem single-handedly, his dedication and enthusiasm should make the cynical among us think twice.

Hassan’s nominated for kebab van of the year

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Broad Street kebab van Hassan’s has been shortlisted in the 2018 British Kebab Awards.

The student favourite is one of six establishments nominated in the ‘Best Kebab Van’ category.

Hassan’s is the only Oxford- based eatery to have been short-listed. This is the sixth year that the British Kebab Awards have run.

The awards ceremony will be held on 12 March at the Park Plaza Westminster Bridge Hotel.

There are 16 categories in this year’s awards, including regional awards for best kebab restaurant and best takeaway.

Hassan’s will go up against last year’s winner, Atalay’s in Thame, as well as Diamond Kebab (Cambridge), Billericay Kebab Van (Essex), Ozzy Kebab (Norfolk), and George’s Bodrum Kebab (Gloucester).

Hassan told Cherwell: “At first we were not even aware we were nominated until we actually got a call from the British Kebab Awards.

“We were completely happy and shocked. We do our best to provide good customer service and food with a smile.”

According to the competition’s website, over 1200 guests, including more than 300 MPs, lords, baronesses and councillors, and 800 businesses and community representatives attended last year’s ceremony.

The awards were founded in 2013 by the Centre for Turkey Studies, and celebrate an industry which brings £2.2 billion to the British economy annually.

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn and London Mayor Sadiq Khan were both guests at the awards in 2016.

Tickets for the ceremony are still on sale, with prices starting at £216 including dinner and drinks.

The van’s owner, Hassan Elouhabi, has been trading on Broad Street since 1995. Before this he worked in a French bakery.

In a 2016 interview with Cherwell he revealed that his favourite item on the menu was a “chicken wrap, with cheese and chips, chilli sauce and garlic mayonnaise… just a little bit of chicken and just a lit- tle bit of chips and I’m done for the whole night.

“The most ordered item has got to be chips and cheese, and then chips and cheese and meat – chicken or lamb,” he added.

Jolyon Scriven, a first-year Brasenose student, said: “It’s bizarre to think that someone could become a legend for a task as simple as running a kebab van.

“But Hassan, he goes above and beyond. He has kept Oxford students happy almost single-handedly for over a decade.”

Conor Magee, a third-year Exeter student, said: “No night out is complete without a trip to Hassan’s on the way back to college.

“The staff have a real charm which sets Hassan’s out above the competition, and it’s great to hear that it’s been nominated for such a prestigious award.”

Students from around the university have been supporting Hassan in the awards.

A recent Oxfess said: “Hassan’s is the only Oxford Kebab Van to have made it to the shortlist for the Best Kebab Van at the British Kebab Awards – let’s club together and take on Cambridge and ensure Oxford is home to officially the Best Kebab Van…”

Last year, Cherwell reported that drunk students had been buying from Hassan’s, and using the Cashew app to mistakenly pay rival van Hussein’s instead.

Hassan told Cherwell: “mistakes happen”.

Voting for the awards is open now at http://voting.britishkebabawards.

Our prudish British culture means the death of good sex

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It was both relieving and pleasantly surprising when earlier this week the new Education Secretary confirmed that they would be continuing with their plans to require LGBT-inclusive sex and relationship education to be taught in schools. The scheme put forward earlier in the year was left in jeopardy when Justine Greening was sacked from her role and replaced by Tory MP Damien Hinds. While the alternative would be considerably worse, it is hard to see this as a great victory in 2018.

The ‘British’ stereotype is well established and something that some of us revel in, the stiff upper lip, the inescapable need to apologise at every opportunity, our ability to queue! Yet there are grave repercussions to our cultural attitude towards sex. It is embarrassing that as a society this is the first time we have considered discussing LGBT sex education in schools.

Arguably due to the horrifying past of HIV contraction and the resultant fear and stigma surrounding it, education on sex between men is considerably more important than the heterosexual focused banal videos of live births and anatomical penis diagrams which we receive currently. Lesbian sex, however, introduces a whole other issue within the sex education system.

Sex between women does not include many of the issues covered within hetero-normative sex education, which primarily focuses on reproduction and the spread of STDs which solely exist heterosexual relationships. This is obviously not unimportant, but what is consistently ignored is consensual sexual pleasure, and more specifically female sexual pleasure. Our prudishness prevents us from covering these areas due to their erotic and therefore supposedly inappropriate connotations, but the gaping hole of ignorance left as a result is the cause of a wide range of pertinent issues ranging from orgasm inequality to abuse and rape.

This is made exponentially worse by the fact that this gap is often filled for young boys with online porn, which presents sex entirely through the male gaze often not only degrading the women involved, but promoting violent acts as sexually fulfilling for them. This creates a disparity between the expectations of girls and boys, with girls’ education often coming from the equally flawed source of romantic comedies, which romanticises the sexual experience, presenting mutual orgasm as standard and completely disregarding the existence of foreplay.

Sex is often bad, awkward embarrassing or at least funny, and this is not represented by either source. Quite understandably this can often result in a catastrophic meeting of the two minds during many young people’s first experiences. Talking about sex is embarrassing; not least with someone you have just had it with, so these issues often go unaddressed through no fault of either party.

At best this is disappointing, but at worst leads to a toxic spiralling of escalating anxiety and miscommunication. The argument against education on these more explicit areas of the subject is that detailed sex education from a young age promotes underage sex and teen pregnancy. However one of the only countries which has actually put this into practice, Holland, has the lowest rate of teenage pregnancy in Western Europe, which is coincidentally six times lower than Britain’s statistics who rest at the opposite end of the league table.

In fact, Holland should be seen as a quite extraordinary inspiration in this area, with classes including discussions on consent, expectations surrounding pubic hair, and girls being sent home with mirrors and mini vibrators to encourage sexual and anatomical exploration.

While this step forward should be celebrated, we also need to acknowledge that as a culture we are desperately lagging behind in all areas of sex and relationship education.

We feel the horrible repercussions of both men and women’s sexual ignorance in bad sex, awkward conversations and genuine trauma throughout our adult lives.