Thursday, May 15, 2025
Blog Page 245

The Meaning Of Motherhood: Spencer and Parallel Mothers

A well-worn piece of wisdom is that death is the only guarantee in life. But this life presupposes another guarantee: you were born. Life, death, and birth are all present in Pablo Larraín’s Spencer and Pedro Almodóvar’s Parallel Mothers. Both films address, in different ways, what the meaning of motherhood is.

Although at very different points in their career, Larraín and Almodóvar are united through being Hispanophone directors – the former is Chilean and the latter Spanish – whose work centres around women. Larraín’s breakout English-language film was Jackie, his 2016 biopic about Jackie Kennedy’s experience during and after her husband’s assassination, and despite the androcentric focus of his earlier work, his past four projects have all featured women as protagonists. Almodóvar has spent much of his fifty years in filmmaking making films about women, such as his Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (1988) and Talk to Her (2002). Both directors, however, especially focus on mothers – a focus which has reached its best expression yet in their most recent work.

Parallel Mothers (or Madres Paralelas) features Penelope Cruz as Janis – a photographer in her late thirties. The film begins with Janis doing a photoshoot with a forensic archaeologist named Arturo. After the shoot, Janis asks Arturo if he and his foundation would excavate a mass grave in her village. She informs him that she believes that her great-grandfather, who was murdered by fascists during the Spanish Civil War, is buried there alongside several other men. Arturo agrees; they begin to sleep together, only for Janis to become pregnant. Arturo asks her to abort the child as he has a wife undergoing chemotherapy, a request that Janis rejects, citing her age and desire to have a child.  

The film proceeds as a gradual revelation of the unity of these two, seemingly disparate, subjects: of death and life, past and future, the personal and the political. This revelation is mediated through a flirtation with melodrama that is characteristic of Almodóvar’s films. Janis gives birth alongside a teenaged mother-to-be called Ana, Arturo avoids Janis and their child Anita as he cannot recognise himself in her, Janis discovers that she is not the mother of Anita, she then finds out that Ana’s child died of crib death. After inviting Ana to become a live-in nanny for Anita, Janis secretly makes Ana take a maternity test, only for the results to confirm her suspicions that Ana is the mother of Anita, and that their children were accidentally swapped at birth. Janis does not tell Ana the truth – later saying that she could not bear to lose her child twice – but her guilt becomes overwhelming as the two begin sleeping together. Nonetheless, it remains only a flirtation with melodrama, because despite the twists and turns of the plot, Almodóvar’s deftness as a story-teller and director ensures that the tone is never melodramatic. Tragedy is never dwelt on more than it needs to, and at times scenes of an emotional nature are cut short in what might seem is a jarring way. This makes sense in the context of the film: these events are tragic, but they also become part of the background of the character’s daily life. As they move on, so does the film. The film ends with Janis telling Ana the truth, their painful reconciliation, and the excavation of the mass grave by Arturo and his team.

Spencer features Kristen Stewart as Diana Spencer and is set during the royal family’s Christmas holidays at the Sandringham estate. The film covers three days – Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day – during which Diana decides to separate from Prince Charles. Like Jackie, Spencer presents an intimate portrait of an iconic woman whose interiority is lost (or perhaps neglected) as a result of her public persona and relation to tragedy. Both films are a reminder of the humanity of people who have been reduced to the status of celebrity or historical figure. Larraín and Stewart accomplish this through intimately representing Diana’s psyche: we see her struggles with depression and bulimia, but also the moments of joy she manages to have during her stay. Diana is almost driven to suicide – prevented by her hallucination of Anne Boleyn – and on Boxing Day decides to leave the estate with her two sons. The film ends on a bittersweet note: Diana looks over the Thames, confident in the knowledge that for the first time in over ten years, she has the opportunity to be happy as an independent woman and mother. The viewer knows, though, that this opportunity is eventually cut short.

That Spencer ends with Diana being accompanied by only her children is no coincidence. Throughout the film, Diana’s relationship with her children is presented as one of the only properly human interactions afforded to her. Diana’s interactions with the royal family range from stilted to actively hostile; her interactions with her children – which include silly midnight games and tender moments of comfort – are joyful and relaxed. Even when Diana is overwhelmed, she still turns to her children as people she can trust, despite their young age. Early on in the film, Diana asks her boys to let her know if she begins to act silly, as they’re the only ones she believes. There is an irony in Diana’s motherhood, what in more cynical terms could have put as her duty to bear children for the future king, offering her one of the only sources of reprieve against the suffocating royal family. When Diana leaves the royal family she takes her children, because being a mother on her own terms, rather than the royal family’s terms, is necessary for her to be herself – Diana Spencer, and not Princess Diana.

If Spencer is about a mother, then MP is about mothers and motherhood in general. The eponymous parallel mothers of the film – Janis and Ana – are mirrored in their own mothers. In an interview Almodóvar claimed that both women are orphans in their own way. We discover that Janis’ mother died of an overdose at 27; Ana’s mother, who is alive and features prominently, essentially abandoned her to her father so that she could pursue an acting career. The relationship of each woman to her own mother inevitably frames her own experience of motherhood, with both Janis and Ana attempting to be the mother their mothers either couldn’t or wouldn’t be. Their futures as mothers depends on their past as children.

The past asserts its presence in other ways too. Janis’ life has invariably been shaped by the trauma of her great-grandfather’s death. His murder marked an absence in her grandmother’s life which, like a black hole, came to refract and reflect on everything around it – a process which her own mother came to experience. That the grief was sustained across generations, was not a result of an unwillingness of the family to move on, but of an inability. This inability was caused by the brute fact that Janis’ great-grandfather remained buried in a ditch dug by his own hand. The absence of any proper burial or gravesite for Janis’ great-grandfather is what sustains his felt absence in the lives of his descendants.

What defines the difference in the treatment of motherhood in both films is the framework in which it takes place. In Spencer, motherhood is not a wider phenomena but rather a vital component in Diana’s life – one that sustains her during her time at Sandringham and one that gives her hope afterwards. Larraín treats motherhood as an intensely personal and individual experience. In Parallel Mothers, motherhood is inseparable from the wider structures of family and kinship, and these in turn are inseparable from the even wider historical and political context that shapes one’s life. We should not understand these as opposing perspectives, contrasting the personal with the political, but rather as two complementary perspectives that take different emphases on a single subject. It is only through taking these different perspectives, attending to variations in experiences and setting, that we can come to begin to appreciate through film what it means to be a mother. 

Artwork by Wang Sum Luk. Image credit: angel4leon//Pixabay

La Vie en Rose: The new teacher

She entered with big doughy eyes and a welcoming self-effacing buzz-cut – making her seem above the superficial and the hair-possessing. She looks a bit like my childhood piano teacher, Dailyn, (whom I adored, in fact so much so that I performed upon her my very exclusive electric pen trick – which in hindsight I’m not sure she appreciated as much as I thought, as she was soon summoned back to America for some very important concert – never to be seen again). She is a new teacher, about 26, and turned up a couple months ago, wearing relaxed forest-green flairs and unassuming but cool high-top converse. I thought “phew, someone young that I can talk to during my breaks”. She strides into the classroom, stands up, with an encouraging radiant beam, as she patiently waits a minute for the year 9 class to quiet down. Then, fuelled by a deep, warm breath, as though she were about to sing Carmen’s first aria, exclaims “SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

You can imagine my surprise when the sugarglider-looking newbie emitted this first introductory cry. Not quite the operatic aria I was expecting. I think the class was slightly taken aback too, as their previously life-or-death, unpostponable consultations came to a sudden halt and their greasy post-PE heads spun round 360 faster than I can chug a G&T (and that’s fast). They looked at me as if to beckon an explanation but I was occupied having a very important consultation of my own with the radiator to my left. Once again, she smiled, and with a twinkle in her left eye, said “you guys are the special ones right?” Then theatrically slowly “Theee sliiiightly sloooow ones?” She then turned to me and asked me the same question. My response was something between a mumble and a distressed seal’s yelp . “The class that I was told need a bit of extra attention?” Once the French kids clocked what she was saying they began fanatically shaking their heads and the guy with the uncanny resemblance to the little boy in UP exclaimed “No?! We are ze normal! We normal!” She then turned to me with a sarcastic grin, and went “really?” but I could no longer justify creepily ogling the radiator and had to find some other object, so I opted for the boy at the front’s greasy bleached blonde front quiff.

I quickly realized that everything I previously found warm and welcoming about this woman was to be subverted. I was to attribute the opposite emotion to all of her facial expressions: a glare to her grin, a demonic red lens to her charming twinkle, and even maybe long auburn 2016 Tumblr locks to her buzzcut. The next two weeks I found myself doing the thing that I do best when I am uncomfortable around someone. Compliment Vomit. It went from her high-top converse to “I’ve never seen that kind of agenda. It’s the coolest agenda I’ve ever seen. Wow. Where did you get it?” And luckily, she took kindly to the sycophantic spew. Her initially deceptive encouraging side did come through at times when she pushed the silent class to speak. “Come on guys. The only way to learn is if you try!” So, the girl with the dip-died lob and the lazy eye stuttered an attempt at the sentence. Buzz-cut jolly chops turned first to me (she does this, which makes it seem like I agree with whatever is about to come out of her mouth next) and then to the terrorised girl and softly uttered “I wish someone would tell you how stupid you look when speaking.”  I don’t know whether the fact that they may not actually understand what she’s saying to them is better or worse.

 In the same way that after a dinner I ask if I can help tidy once there are two cups left on the table and the surface has been cleaned, at times I look at her with a faux-complicitous apologetic smile and swallow a piteous “canIhelp…”, as – even though it may seem like I am just a girl in a miniskirt and earphones who just enjoys floating about this French school’s blue corridors at 2pm on a Tuesday afternoon, sporadically floating in and out of classrooms and occupying a seat – I am, after all, the assistant teacher.

The moments when she seems to shine are when the kids are working peacefully. The perfectly quiet and most harmoniously peaceful hour is her battle cry. They were sitting, pacifically completing an exercise, when she turned to me, with a smile I earned through compliment puke, and with kind, cheery eyes (remember the subversion) went “I just hate them, you know?”  in the same way an old lady in a rocking chair might smile to herself and exhale an “ahhh, how I’ve relished life.” And as though reading my “why the hell are you a teacher then” thoughts, she added: “I just use them to take my anger out. You know?” then sat back and contemplatively looked out of the window and noted “I’m a very happy person.”

Also, the way in which she manspreads in the staffroom, compared to how I try to take up 1/4th of the right-hand sofa cushion, is remarkable.

I sometimes wonder, why teach if you hate children? But then again why do I run if I hate running. Or why do people drink coffee if they hate coffee. And I wonder if she’s like that in her personal life too. I’m picturing her with a group of people and turning to the guy next to her, and sweetly whispering “I wish you knew how putrid you look when sipping your beer.” But essentially, she did make me realise how unassertive I am in these kinds of authoritative environments. I mean my initial goal was to walk into the staff room full of soup-sipping 50year old French professional complainers without apologising for my existence and the oxygen I am taking, but perhaps I should change it to marching in, and with one swift movement removing all of their soups and salads from the table, laying my feet there and declaring “vous êtes tous des petits cons.”

Image Credit: Public Domain

Student safety is not a joke: Clubs need to do better

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To begin with, it was your standard Thursday night in Oxford. After a chaotic sports social, my friends and I stumbled excitedly down to Bridge where we danced the evening away, giggling at the frenzied scene before us. Everything was just as it should be; that is, until I was suddenly apprehended by one of the bouncers. Out of nowhere, he began to shout at me and accuse me of taking drugs, informing me that I must leave. Given that I knew he was lying, I initially resisted and tired to plead my case; this only drove him to grab my arm and forcefully take me outside where he proceeded to empty the contents of my bag. Throughout, I constantly repeated the same thing: that I hadn’t done anything wrong and so could I please go back inside and join my friends. If any of the bouncers had a shred of concern for my safety they would have listened. Clearly they did not. Despite not finding any drugs, and having no concrete reason for doing so, they demanded that I leave immediately. Not only did they prevent me from going inside to get my coat, but they even denied my request to find a friend to leave with me, despite my rather lengthy explanation about the dangers of walking alone to my house in Cowley. I was simply turned away without a second thought. 

Thankfully, I managed to get back safely, but this was pure luck. My phone was out of charge, it was 2am and I was facing a 45 minute journey home alone. In the current climate, where discussions around women’s safety are finally getting the awareness they deserve, you would think the bouncers would have prioritised my wellbeing over their need for a power trip. You would think that they would have asked for my consent before physically manhandling me and searching through my personal belongings. 

Perhaps, if this were some random, isolated incident, one could argue it was all a simple misunderstanding. However, when explaining what happened to my friends, I was met with a chorus of voices relating to my experience. All around me were young people who had been placed in vulnerable positions that could have easily been avoided. Some had fallen victim to the ‘drugs’ accusation, and were kicked out after none were found, while others were forced to wait alone on the street for taxis, despite pleading with the bouncers to wait inside. These seemingly small decisions can have devastating impacts. Of course, when students are too drunk to enter, clubs have every right to deny them entry; but even in such cases, those in charge must still ensure they are not placing students in unreasonably dangerous situations.

A few weeks ago when my friend was turned away, they failed to check if she had someone to leave with. On the journey home, which she has no memory of, not only did she lose her phone, passport and shoes, but she then had to be escorted home by the police. The point is not that she shouldn’t have been kicked out; the point is that she shouldn’t have been kicked out alone. 

Clubs need to do better. As a student, you place your trust in these institutions to create a safe environment which you can enjoy. Last night, the bouncers violated my personal space and privacy; two male strangers used physical force to drag me outside, placing me in a highly vulnerable position. 4 out of 5 women feel unsafe walking home at night. Throwing people out onto the streets for no apparent reason is more than ridiculous. It’s dangerous. 

It is time for clubs to change their policies and attitudes. These examples are part of a much wider issue endemic within the nightlife industry. Club managers and bouncers simply do not care about the wellbeing of those who dance away inside their venues. They don’t care about spiking; plastic lids on cups are still nowhere to be found. They don’t care about groping; at the very best men are simply asked to leave, with no formal action ever taken. There exists an attitude of indifference, verging on hostility, lying beneath a shiny exterior. While they promise a night of fun and revelry, they do nothing to prevent it from turning sour. Nightclubs need to actively challenge that which corrupts the liberating and joyous experience they can provide. Because in a city like Oxford where the vast majority of those clubbing are students, and where so many of us still feel unsafe, the need for change is not just pressing; it is urgent.

Image: 453169 via Pixabay

Oli Hall’s Oxford United Updates – W8

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Weekly Round-Up

It was a case of more games and more goals across the board at Oxford United as the women scored seven and the men bounced back from a midweek defeat to impress in their win on Saturday.

The month kicked off with a tricky away trip to Portsmouth on Tuesday night.  Marcus Browne gave the Us the dream start when he opened the scoring inside three minutes and the visitors looked comfortable in their lead until the very end of the first half.  That was when things started to go wrong for Oxford as Sean Raggett equalised on the 42-minute mark and George Hirst sent Fratton Park into raptures in added time.  Hayden Carter put the game beyond a capable-looking Oxford side before the hour mark and a Luke McNally goal with nine minutes to go proved to only be a consolation.

The mood at the final whistle couldn’t have contrasted more with the women’s game the next evening if it had tried!  Fans at Court Place Farm bore witness to a simply sensational Oxford performance as they ran out 7-0 winners over Hounslow and went top of the league for the first time this season.  Both Beth Lumsden and Carly Johns scored hattricks and Wallace added to the tally to finally put United in pole position to win the title and keep their chase for promotion alive.

The men took inspiration from that performance on Saturday as they returned to the Kassam and brushed aside Burton Albion in a 4-1 win.  Sam Baldock scored a brace and Gavin Whyte and Matty Taylor both netted in a crazy first half.  Burton pulled one back in added time before the break to give them half a hope but the game petered out in the second half and it finished 4-1.

So, as the week comes to a close, the women sit top of the league and will welcome promotion rivals Southampton to Court Place on Wednesday.  The men stay fourth, four points clear of Wycombe below them, as they look to solidify their playoff push with a trip to struggling Shrewsbury on Saturday.

Match Report:  Oxford United 4-1 Burton Albion

Oxford United got back to winning ways at the Kassam with a sensational first-half performance that set up a 4-1 win over Burton Albion.

Jimmy Floyd Hasslebank’s side were on the back foot from the get-go and it only took seven minutes for Sam Baldock to prove Oxford’s class.  Herbie Kane found him in the box and he headed home with composure to open the scoring.

United were made to wait for their second goal as Baldock saw one ruled out for offside and the Yellows continued to plough forward, piling on the pressure.  That pressure told after 35 minutes as Gavin Whyte slammed home a 25-yard-screamer to double the lead.

The third came just five minutes later as Baldock tapped home from another cross, this time courtesy of the sensational Luke McNally.

Image: Darrell Fisher

Ahmad Nawaz wins Union Presidency, EMPOWER sweeps officerships

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Ahmad Nawaz of the EMPOWER slate has been elected President of the Oxford Union for MT 2022, winning 486 first preferences. Nawaz was the Treasurer of the Oxford Union in Hilary 2022. 

The three other officerships were won by the following candidates:

Librarian:  Daniel Dipper (EMPOWER) with 513 votes

Treasurer:  Josh Chima (EMPOWER) with 468 votes

Secretary: Anvee Bhutani (EMPOWER) with 443 votes

The results were a victory for the EMPOWER slate, which was running in a three-way race against the UPLIFT and SPARK slates.

Those elected to Standing Committee, in descending order, are: 

Victor Lamotte (SPARK) – 144 first preferences

Disha Hedge (EMPOWER) – 107 first preferences

Matthew Dick (SPARK) – 90 first preferences

Spencer Shia (EMPOWER) – 88 first preferences

Israr Khan (EMPOWER) – 107 first preferences

Those elected to Secretary’s Committee, in descending order, are:

Ruqayya Diwan (EMPOWER), Hannah Edwards (EMPOWER), Lucy Wang (SPARK), Tom Elliot (EMPOWER), Maiya James (EMPOWER), Ayuishi Agarwal (UPLIFT), Rosie Jacobs (SPARK), Dani Yates (EMPOWER), Joe Murray (EMPOWER), Kwabena Osei (CHANGE) and Adya Manoj (SPARK)

Image Credit: NATO via Flickr.com

Haute Kosher: The lady doth kvetch too much (or does she?)

kvetch 

Etymology: Yiddish kvetshen to talk about something at great length and (often) in an annoying manner, semantic development (perhaps reflecting an extended use along the lines of ‘to squeeze the last drop out of (something)’) of kvetshen to pinch, to squeeze, to press 

North American colloquial (originally in Jewish usage).

verb:  intransitive. To criticize or complain a great deal. Frequently with about.

Or at least that’s the Oxford English Dictionary definition of “kvetch.” But that doesn’t quite capture what kvetching is and its purpose. Kvetching does indeed mean to complain, but kvetching accomplishes so much more than that; it’s an art form. So, why do we kvetch; why does kvetching heal the soul? Why should we continue to kvetch?

And just a note…This self-reflection totally did not come from the realisation that I kvetch entirely too much.

Corinne Engber from JewishBoston defined kvetching as the “time-honored tradition of the Jewish people. It presumably began with Eve stubbing her toe or something in the Garden of Eden and crafting a beautiful metaphor of pain, and ends with us, now, in a period rife with kvetch-worthy situations.”

Indeed, the Torah contains many instances of kvetching. While the Israelites wandered the desert for 40 years, they kvetched to Moses about the lack of provisions. But is kvetching the right word here? They were expressing their desire to fill their existential needs while walking in a barren wasteland. Meanwhile, I’m kvetching to my friend about how I had to bike all the way to the English Faculty Library in the cold rain just so that I could pick up a very niche book for my stressful undergraduate thesis. We are not the same.

G-d does eventually give in to the Israelites’ kvetching and provides them manna. However, the Israelites kvetch again about their lack of water at their camp in Rephidim. Moses then kvetches to G-d, worried that the Israelites will stone him to death for not providing them with water. G-d eventually gives in to this, too, telling Moses to hit a rock with his staff. The rock flows with water, providing the Israelites with drink. 

In the following verses, Moses decides to name the place where he hit the rock “Massah and Meribah,” after the fact the Israelites quarreled and “because they tried יהוה (G-d), saying, “Is יהוה present among us or not?’” This wasn’t the end of their complaints, however.

In Parshat Behaalotecha (the 36th weekly Torah portion in the annual cycle of Torah reading), the Israelites begin to kvetch about the lack of variety in the food G-d provides them (which at that time comprised only manna). The Torah portion reads:

“The riffraff in their midst felt a gluttonous craving; and then the Israelites wept and said, “If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish that we used to eat free in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic. Now our gullets are shriveled. There is nothing at all! Nothing but this manna to look to!”

Ahhh. Now I feel a little better about my own kvetching. Moses brings these complaints to G-d, In effect, he says, “G-d, how can you possibly expect me to be the Deliverer when these people keep kvetching about everything? It makes my job pretty hard.” What chutzpah! But what is the significance of this kvetching? Why is it important for us to do the same now (even though we are no longer wandering through the desolate desert landscapes outside Egypt, but through Oxford’s Cornmarket Street instead)? 

Kvetching is important because it is a form of building community. It strengthens relationships. When we kvetch to one another, especially about things that don’t have an immediate resolution, it connects us. Here, the Israelites rally together around a common cause. Perhaps in a less moving fashion than the Israelites in the Torah, my kvetching about how I was locked out of Microsoft Authenticator and couldn’t work on my essays, alongside my friend who is kvetching about his 20-page essay on the philosopher and mathematician Frege, or my other friend who is kvetching about how crowded city-centre Tesco is (its frustratingly oft-broken Tescalator is), brings us all closer together.

Being able to address the problems we face and to feel the solidarity of others gives us some sense of power. I’m wary of comparing myself or my friends to any of the situations in the Tanakh (the canonical collection of Hebrew scripture, including the Torah), but we should think about how kvetching gave those characters agency, just like in my wandering-the-desert example. In Midrash (rabbinic exegesis of Jewish scripture, Shmot Rabbah to be specific) the Israelites complain about having to dredge through the muddy ground while walking through the parted Red Sea. The Israelites are quite literally experiencing a divine miracle that brings them their deliverance, but they still find something to kvetch about. 

Two of the Israelites who complain, Reuven and Shimon, join together in their complaints: “In Egypt, we had mud, and now in the sea we have mud. In Egypt, we had clay for bricks, and here too, we have an abundance of clay to make bricks.” Seems a bit ungrateful, doesn’t it? But it’s not. How does this bring this together—or more importantly, why is it helpful?

As Rabbi Seth Goldstein points out, “we need to trudge through the mud to get to where we are going,” but that doesn’t make our arrival a miracle. Even if we realise that we are indeed going to get through something, kvetching about the process of going through it can help us unite. In other words, we can realise a situation could be better—and what we ourselves can do to bring about those improvements in the future.

Although sometimes our only option in getting  through these menial difficulties is just to schlepp through it, talking about it removes some of the stress. It helps us think about the problem in new ways and reorganise the mind. It manages our stress, anxiety, and depression. It prevents us from holding in our frustrations and exploding. It increases empathy. Kvetching is a form of catharsis, and that’s why we should continue to kvetch. The greatest value of kvetching, in my opinion, is that it can be one of the greatest sources of Jewish achievement and progress. After all, as the Jewish philosopher and theologian Heschel said in his book Man is Not Alone: A Philosophy of Religion, “All that is creative stems from a seed of endless discontent.”

Image Credit: Public Domain, courtesy of The British Library. Golden Haggadah, c. 1320, Northern Spain (MS. 27210, fol. 1o verso)

Jesus is Risen: Cuppers final glory for JCFC

Jesus’ strike-force broke Balliol hearts last night, putting six past the Broad Street college’s defence to secure the Men’s Cuppers title 6-2. Coming into the game clear underdogs, Balliol had hoped they could nick a result by taking advantage of their star players Caleb Mbanaso and Josh Goldstein, but Jesus’ polished attack of Sam Lewis and Alfie Cicale proved too much. 

Cherwell sent two reporters to Iffley Road, one from each college. This may serve to explain this match report’s bipolar jumps between jubilance and despair. An example follows:

An ambulance speeding down Iffley Road was a premonition of things to come, no doubt ready to administer treatment to Balliol’s grievously injured hopes of victory.. (@oxford_affirmations: I will produce a fair and unbiased match report). 

The biggest day in Jesus’ recent history loomed as they looked to clinch a first Cuppers title since doing the double in 1997/98; for Balliol, the match represented an opportunity to win the *second oldest trophy in football* twice in 10 years following their 2014 victory.

There was a feeling of occasion around Iffley Road Sports Ground, with both teams arriving in suits, and a max-capacity attendance of 500 creating a febrile atmosphere. Support for both teams was strong, with chants echoing around OX4 before the game had even kicked off. Jesus’ principal Sir Nigel Shadbolt was in attendance, a sure sign of the strong support for the team within the college. Jesus supporters packed the stands, turning their half green in scenes reminiscent of the Wizard of Oz’s Emerald City. The Balliol crowd were joined by supporters from other colleges, no doubt drawn to support the team in response to Jesus’ incredibly irksome but effective social media antics. 

Before kickoff, a minute’s silence was observed for the victims of conflict in Ukraine, a poignant reminder that despite the hype, some things will always be more important than football.

From the moment the whistle blew, however, the gulf in quality between the teams was clear; Balliol struggled to get the ball out of their half, with the cutting edge of Jesus’ attack Alfie Cicale (known affectionately as ‘Alfie Blues’ among fans) proving a nuisance for Balliol’s right side. 

At 3’, Jesus hearts leapt into mouths as a collision saw Sam Lewis go down in the Balliol box. A hush descended upon a previously raucous crowd; fear and uncertainty made their dominion. And yet moments later the Jesus support roared him back to his feet. 

At 6’, a solid save from Joe Fisher denied Sam Lewis the opening goal. He would get another chance, however; only two minutes later, Alessandro proved to be Jesus’ Forte, driving through the middle of the park and slotting it through to Lewis for a first-touch finish to break the deadlock. Cue scenes of jubilation as the team dashed towards the stands to celebrate, players and fans becoming one. 

The next 15 minutes saw a brutal attack on Balliol’s defence. Cicale’s bursts of speed and quick changes of direction constantly caught defenders unawares, with an audacious rabona cross only just missing the head of another attacker. At 21’, Cicale ran onto a sumptuous ball from midfield titan Jack Perry, and, in a sight that was to become as certain as death and taxes, bombed down the left wing, cut inside with two defenders on him, slotting home and doubling Jesus’ lead. 

Things worsened considerably for Balliol seven minutes later, when a free kick at the edge of the box was sliced under the wall by Cicale, beating the keeper. Our Balliol reporter’s tear-stained match notes only read: ‘number 10 is so good. 3-0.’

Little did he know that the night would only get bleaker. At 41’, Balliol’s right back proved unable to block a searching shot from Lewis, leaving the score 4-0 as the teams headed back to the locker room.

Despite a rough first half, Balliol’s supporters did the team proud, with Xander Angelini-Hurll, the club’s social secretary, even being reprimanded for being too loud by the linesman (who bore a more-than-passing resemblance to Harry Potter villain Voldemort). The game, it appeared, was well and truly gone.

Jesus Principal Sir Nigel Shadbolt, whose sage transfer policy must be credited for the dominant lead at half time, was notably impressed by both team and individual performances. He was gracious as ever regarding hopes of a Baliol comeback. “Never say never,” quoth he. 

Shadbolt’s words proved surprisingly prophetic, and as the teams came out for the second half, Balliol supporters maintained hope for a comeback. Their trust was repaid when Jordan Jennings (a member of the legendary 2014 Cuppers-winning squad) slotted home a free kick to bring it to 4-1.

Noah Britten’s half time team talk must have been something strong – Balliol seemed reinvigorated, defending well and playing some dangerous balls into the Jesus box, creating a nervy period for the leaders.

Balliol faces lit up, hearts raced, the unthinkable was thought: was a comeback on? Could the team replicate their gritty performance against Teddy Hall, which saw them recover from being down twice? Could humanity transcend its original sin, and bring a new Kingdom of Heaven on Earth?

No. Like so many tears in rain, this hope was transient, put to rest by Jesus fresher Gonzalo ‘Twosie’ Castellanos to restore Jesus’ 4-goal cushion and make it 5-1.

With 10 minutes left on the clock, Shaffer once more put the ‘sub’ in ‘Jesubite’ with four changes. These made an instant impact, as Feltham returned to finish a move he had started when he pounced on a blocked Cicale shot to hammer home a sixth.

Deep into stoppage time, Flavius Vlasiu conceded a penalty which Josh Goldstein neatly dispatched with the last touch of the game for a final score of 6-2. Jesus supporters’ cries of joy were audible within every square inch of the ring road. A futile pitch invasion by an intrepid trio of Jesus freshers provided the footnote to an evening that was indelibly, gloriously, Jesus’s.

‘Alfie Blues’ played out of his skin in a MOTM performance, narrowly beating a strong contender in Hanley’s green suit, which proved to be a firm fan favourite. In further touchline fashion news, Oli ‘Sniff’ Smith gesticulating and shouting in all black meant one of two things, equally plausible: either emulating managerial idol Mauricio Pochettino; or following the dress code for Balliol’s funeral.

Balliol will look to return stronger and hungrier, chasing promotion in the JCR second division, where they are currently 2nd. The defeat didn’t dampen their spirits, with a lively social in the College’s famous Lindsay Bar closing out a bittersweet, but altogether successful Cuppers run. For Jesus, the #shafferout brigade will have been temporarily placated; the team can revel in their status as champions of Oxford and will look to continue this rich vein of form in retaining the trophy next season. #bleedgreen or #bleedredandblue (depending on the reader’s affiliation). 

Image: Jude Gordon

A critique of the critique ‘industry plant’

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It’s a well-known fact that the rags-to-riches glossy tale Hollywood loves telling over and over again and those sold in the music industry are no different. They both feature a protagonist to idolise and a struggle to empathise with, all told through a rose-coloured lens. Every generic talent show never fails to draw out the budding talent’s emotional journey with the traditional cut to sombre music as they introduce the humanising sob story, often depicting situations that were likely to hold the artist back from stardom. If this story, the ‘could have almost never been’, is what everyone wants, would it be such a big deal if we made it up?

The term ‘industry plant’ and the ways in which it is used are controversial topics among music fans. At face value, an ‘industry plant’  appears to be an artist who pretends to be independent but is actually industry-backed, and lies about their origins, because the ‘self-made’ narrative is more attractive to consumers of music. However, in recent years the term has been applied much more liberally. So what really is an industry plant?

The first time I heard the term ‘industry plant’ I was blissfully minding my own business, glad to be out of the third lockdown, and then suddenly bombarded with articles and videos about a band called the Tramp Stamps and everything wrong with them. The female trio was quickly accused of being an industry plant by many on TikTok after releasing their song ‘I’d Rather Die’. It was the band’s movie-esque origin story – “three girls got drunk at a bar and wrote a song” – and the polished nature of their website and Instagram account, combined with the fact that they’d all been singers and songwriters in the industry before forming the group, that raised suspicions. Alongside the fact that the music… wasn’t that good. The accusations led to many digging deeper to find more ‘cancellable’ things about the band, such as several Tweets from lead singer Maino in which she uses an anti-Black slur and implies that she supported Trump.

I was intrigued by the term ‘industry plant’: what did it mean? Why was it being thrown at the three women? Why was it inherently a bad thing? However, after the allegations surrounding Maino, I quickly lost interest in the controversy around the band and didn’t hear the term again until a few months ago when I was introduced to Gayle’s song ‘abcdefu’ via Instagram’s sponsored ads. The song is a catchy pop tune, which, though written about a romantic ex, has a chorus that you could easily shout at anyone you’re upset with. I quickly fell into a YouTube spiral and soon found the interview she did on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. I was endeared by Gayle and her incredulity about her success when she said “I’ve pretended that I’ve been sitting on this couch for like years in my house and now I’m here!?”. We all have dreams, and I was happy that hers had come true. 

So this time, when my friend suggested to me that her quick rise to fame may actually have occurred because she is an industry plant, I felt betrayed, although I didn’t know why. I think it may have been because the idea of an industry plant connotes some sort of malice, implying that the artist particularly wanted to trick me into liking them when there’s actually nothing to like about them – as seemed to be the case with the Tramp Stamps – or that they’re covering up a lack of ‘real’ talent or authenticity. In reality, Gayle started singing at 7, released several self-produced singles, and was discovered by former American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi before signing to Atlantic Records. She has the backstory of almost every modern wannabe popstar. But it felt like the rule was her quick rise to fame and successful major-label debut single meant she wasn’t deserving of her success.

So what does it really mean to be an industry plant? Is it presenting yourself as an independent artist when you’re actually backed by a major label, like Chance the Rapper did? Or is it a term to label someone whose organic origin story (even if this includes being backed up by a label) isn’t quite representative of the reality?  Or is it actually just a term we’ve started using to describe the music of an artist we didn’t like in the first place – just another negative to stack against them, and maybe even something we can use to justify our dislike of them? It is worth noting that the majority of artists who seem to have this criticism levelled against them tend to be women; is this indicative of a misogynistic refusal to accept female success? 

Two current female artists who’ve been branded with the label include Olivia Rodrigo, previously a Disney Channel star from the hit show High School Musical The Musical: The Series, and Billie Eilish, the seven-time Grammy winner who blew up after her debut single ‘Ocean Eyes’. Both had debut singles which garnered unexpected levels of success, launching them into the spotlight. They both signed to labels and released a debut album and EP respectively to wide acclaim. And soon afterwards, both faced criticism. The biggest issue raised regarding both artists was the speed with which their songs gained traction, which led many to conclude that the only way they managed to get where they did was through an enormous amount of money from their labels and industry training connections. I would argue that both artists have been incredibly privileged with their access to the industry, but this doesn’t mean they qualify for the criticism of being ‘industry plants’. 

It’s true that Eilish’s debut hit ‘Ocean Eyes’ was written and produced by her brother Finneas, who is now also an acclaimed singer-songwriter and record producer. He gave it to his sister to sing when her dance teacher asked her to write a song for a choreography. Many have brought up the fact that Eilish was in dance classes from a young age, along with being born and homeschooled by actor-musician parents, to suggest that the singer was being trained for success from childhood. Whilst I agree this sort of familial support is something that is not available to everyone, it doesn’t seem fair to criticise Eilish for following a path she was encouraged onto. That would imply that everyone should be demanded to pursue alternative paths to their parents, which is ridiculous. The bigger problem is surely that these benefits are often reserved for children of those in the industry.

Meanwhile, Rodrigo’s debut song ‘drivers license’  broke Spotify’s record twice for most daily streams ever for a non-holiday song and debuted at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 within a week of its release. It may have seemed as though Rodrigo appeared out of the woodwork, but her success was aided by her role on Disney + and the opportunities she had to write and record songs for the soundtrack of High School Musical The Musical: The Series. Her ability to be in these rooms and make connections, no doubt, massively boosted her rise to fame.

Both Eilish and Rodrigo also benefitted from the changing landscape of mainstream music. Eilish’s track was released on Soundcloud and then slowly gained traction and a following for Eilish through that platform, while Rodrigo posted a snippet (now deleted) of her debut single to Instagram helping to develop interest in the song before it was released. The success of both artists’ debut singles, therefore, occurred in large part because of the speed at which songs can acquire a following in the technological age. Rodrigo was also already popular in existing fanbases such as Taylor Swift’s ‘Swifties’, and so benefitted from their support, as they shared the release of the song on social media. I, for one, was influenced to listen to the song after seeing a Swiftie fan account post about it. Similarly, Eilish and her brother Finneas saw their lives change as the streams on their song kept exponentially rising day after day, pushing them into the industry; on the back of her single’s success, Eilish was offered an abundance of record deals to choose from. Speed of transmission, both of music and support for a musician, is no longer a limiting factor as it might have been before. It doesn’t make sense to expect, and even demand, a slow and steady rise when things are made to move quickly and exponentially through the Internet. 

Nevertheless, even if these things are true, it is still the case that female artists see much less support than others. It’s telling that while many artists are blowing up much faster in the age of social media, young female artists like Rodrigo and Eilish are much more often singled out to have the validity of their success questioned. Only a few weeks ago Blur’s Damon Albarn made headlines with his comments questioning Taylor Swift’s authenticity, claiming that she is not a ‘real’ songwriter because she occasionally co-writes, and said he preferred “a really interesting songwriter” like “Billie Eilish and her brother”. Albarn pit the two female artists against each other and seemed to imply that Eilish’s songwriting was superior on account of the influence of her brother, rather than an industry professional.  I would argue that her brother is understood to be an industry professional, and it’s hypocritical to criticise Swift for co-writing songs on the sole basis that she isn’t related to her songwriting partners.

It seems, therefore, that the critique ‘industry plant’ has moved from being a specific term about a certain practice to becoming mixed up in the messy bigotry that pervades criticism in general. It has become a term that can be levelled at anyone who operates in the industry, regardless of their journey into it – and targets certain categories of people more often than others.

There are many different routes into the music industry. There are those who seem just to strike luck; they get spotted by the right person, get a deal, and are almost immediately successful. Others go through a sort of music industry factory. Bands formed in shows like The X Factor and American Pop Idol or through the Disney Channel often get noticed at young ages and almost ‘taught’ how to be a pop star. They’re given the tools, like A-list writers and producers, that mould them to become money-making machines for those who took a chance on them. It’s unclear if these artists should be considered plants too, or whether the fact that they have been through a highly visible and public competition like The X Factor makes them more deserving than someone who is spotted by a label and given all those tools and lessons behind the scenes. 

Of course, many artists spend years and years gigging and working and seeing very little return, maybe for most or even all their career. A lack of funds and connections means that many of those with the talent to succeed find themselves constrained by the barrier of money. The story of Ian Curtis, the lead singer of Joy Division, seems almost a cautionary tale in this regard. Joy Division was a band with undoubtable potential, but no financial backing. When things took a turn for the worse in Curtis’ personal life with worsening epilepsy, drug and alcohol issues and marital problems, the pressure drove him to suicide.  His death came the day before Joy Division was to leave for a North American tour that could have changed everything for them. If an influential label had noticed the band early on and stepped in to provide support to mitigate the financial and psychological strains of a career in music, things might have been easier for Curtis. There is, of course, no telling if the label would have effectively helped Curtis this way, but given that the band went on to become a powerful force, with the first album Curtis featured on being considered ‘essential parts of the post-punk canon’, it seems probable that help in the early days could have resulted in the band having an even larger influence than it does now.

The question then arises whether in Joy Division’s case, if a major label had stepped in and eased the burdens, this would have made them unworthy of success. It is possible to argue that a label’s help might actually have been a hindrance if they had stepped in and changed the sound of the band to fit mainstream radio playlists at the time. However, by suggesting that ‘authentic’ artists are the ones who never take help, or alter their music to have the opportunity to be promoted by big labels with big budgets, surely we’re putting up a barrier to success? 

If we insist that anyone who ‘makes it’ must have done it all themselves to be ‘authentic’, surely we are at risk of putting the potential for success only in the hands of the already privileged. Think of Taylor Swift and the incredible sacrifices her family made for her music career, moving from Pennsylvania to Nashville to help her break into country music. The opportunity to move to the home of the genre of music you’re making, a place filled with record label executives, producers, and songwriters, is something beyond the wildest dreams of many. The opportunity to relocate and dedicate time and money to pursuing a career in this way is something only the most privileged will be able to do without the help of industry backing.

By synonymising the experience of trying to ‘make it’ yourself with success, we are romanticising what is an overly draining and difficult process. Desiring this tale of independence from the elites ignores the systemic issues at play within the industry that limit the ability of certain artists to succeed, while others prevail at the same time as narrating stories that don’t address their privilege. Little Simz, for example, was recently awarded ‘Best New Artist’ at the 2022 Brit Awards despite releasing her first album in 2014. She is not new to the music industry, but only to the mainstream consciousness. Simz resisted signing to a big label for years, instead choosing to release music through her own Age 101 record label. However, in 2018 she and her label signed a deal with AWAL Recordings. Since then the difference AWAL has made can be seen in her rise to popularity, with many only discovering her music after 2018, and has eventually led to her Brit award.

There is no doubt that Little Simz has worked incredibly hard to get to where she is; she herself says in her song ‘How Did You Get Here’ that “Nothing in life comes easy, and you work twice as hard ’cause you Black”. So when another artist who hasn’t experienced the same kinds of struggles manufactures a story they know nothing about, it is particularly offensive to those who have. But it seems that this conversation should go deeper than simply vilifying those who do accept the help and support from a major label that promises to give them the tools for success. These people are often those who have been on this path for a long time with no returns, and so understandably are willing to do what it takes to get their breakthrough. 

And even if there is an issue with those who actively lie – most often on the advice of the label who controls their paychecks – and even if many of these supposed ‘plants’ have been chasing a career in the industry for years, it seems that these phenomena are not enough to quell the criticism of the ‘industry plant’, which seems to have become more than the sum of its parts. A few weeks ago, I was privy to a conversation with friends about the suspected industry-planted band Wet Leg, who appeared out of nowhere with the viral 2021 song ‘Chaise Longue’. Having already spent some time considering the justifiability of the term being used as a criticism, I asked whether it mattered if the band had been ‘planted’. One friend responded that it felt wrong, that they hadn’t gigged for years like others and been through that struggle. It seems therefore that the very idea of having your path made easier with money is a turn-off. Despite this, ‘Chaise Longue’ is still a regular on our pres playlist. Clearly, while a source of moral discomfort, suspicions of ‘planting’ are not a deal-breaker when it comes to the consumption of music. 

But why does the industry feel the need to plant artists in this way? It seems the answer is: profits. It’s no secret that the music industry loves to find what is selling and make more of it. When Olivia Rodrigo first released ‘drivers license’, it wasn’t long before her narrative style of songwriting was compared to that of Taylor Swift. It was clear that her management didn’t tell her to shy away from the comparison, as she spoke of Swift in numerous interviews and even played a role alongside Conan Gray in the promotion of the eleven-time Grammy award winner’s re-recorded version of her album Fearless. Many have even likened Rodrigo to Lorde, with one Reddit user commenting that ‘they got tired waiting for lorde so they replaced her’. This idea of copying what is already popular isn’t a new phenomenon. The Monkees were created after The Beatles’ films A Hard Day’s Night and Help! inspired television producers Rafelson and Schneider to revive Rafelson’s idea for The Monkees, a situation comedy series following the adventures of four young men trying to make a name for themselves as a rock ‘n roll band. They even sported the same bowl haircuts and four-member band composition and seemed to conveniently fill the space the Beatles had left vacant as they became more experimental (for the time) with records like ‘Rubber Soul’ and ‘Revolver’. 

This concept of being manufactured for mass consumption is a criticism often levelled at industry plants; it is suggested that in chasing to replicate what already exists, what is produced is a copy lacking substance rather than something truly original. One Reddit user highlighted the dilemma with the comment “I also think Ava Max as [sic] industry plant! She’s talented but I genuinely don’t understand how she is topping charts, her music is not memorable at all to me”. The writer of this remark seems to be identifying the contradiction the music industry creates, by picking people with talent and originality and then forcing them into boxes, either through confining them to a certain genre or giving them pre-written songs which they know will sell. 

Perhaps this is indicative of the bigger problem with the outsized power of major record labels’ ability to influence popular culture through refined music distribution techniques that an amateur simply can’t compete with. The obsession with profit – a staple of every capitalist industry – reduces people into products simply to be sold and bought. We might therefore think that our labelling of some artists as ‘industry plants’ furthers this cycle of dehumanising consumerism. Surely the criticism should lie not with the artists, but with the industry itself, and the environment it creates in which there is such an excess supply of talent that often the only condition for success is an abundance of money, extensive knowledge of distribution techniques, and numerous connections in the industry: resources that major labels have a monopoly on. 

Users on Reddit, the source of all opinions, disagree on the question of whether it matters if someone is an industry plant, provided that their music is enjoyable. In the cases of Gayle and Wet Leg, whether or not their backstories are manufactured, there’s no denying that their music was popular enough to go viral, and that was because ordinary people shared and consumed and enjoyed it. Some maintain that if an artist misrepresents their story, their lies are unforgivable. Others believe music can be judged at face value, and if it’s in itself enjoyable, then it should be enjoyed. I find myself siding with the latter perspective, since when one starts to appreciate the power and influence of industry-backed support, it’s hard not to sympathise with the artists who take it – the people who are often just trying to follow their ambitions. 

The problem everyone seems to be circling around, whatever their view of ‘industry plants’, is that they would rather not be duped by some big corporate machine that thinks it knows what they like. But instead of blaming the industry, the criticism gets branded onto the artist. Surely the problem that needs addressing is why the industry feels the need to lie about the artists they sign. Perhaps it is because we, in our efforts to avoid these ‘fakes’, have placed too much value on the ‘breakthrough story’ that wouldn’t have to exist if the industry effectively supported those with original talent, without leaving them to graft for years by themselves. It seems that we have yet again been hoodwinked into not seeing the core problem: capitalist exploitation and its distortive effects on the creative arts. 

Ultimately, in a creative industry so closely tied to the romantic and make-believe and full of artistic dreamers, it’s near impossible to know what is fabricated and what is true. Even for those of us outside the industry, our daily anecdotes to each other are riddled with small omissions and a little bit of Hollywood storytelling. It seems that the music industry has given us only what we were telling them we wanted, without us interrogating why we wanted it. 

The real issue with industry planting that needs to be addressed is how it plays a part in the widespread nepotism and bigotry that decides who succeeds over whom through the allocation of resources. Why do some artists get given the story while others actually live it? That’s the important problem here, but it’s not mutually exclusive with the enjoyment of what is created by those who have already had those resources gifted to them. If what they make is good, I don’t think it needs to prove itself as revolutionary or seek to transform the way we view the art of music. If you love it, and music be the food of love, quite simply, ‘play on’.

Image Credit: Crommelincklars, CC BY 2.0.

Generation Sharent: Are Hyper-Exposed Children the Price of Social Media Fame?

Welcome to the world, Generation Z! Smile for the camera! Your childhood was hyper-exposed. Your young lives were documented via photos and videos, uploaded, shared, liked and commented upon by people you will perhaps never meet. Your parents are so proud of you, and want to share you with the world, but what does that mean for your future?

In the internet’s early years, the emphasis on child protection was placed on limiting what children could see on the internet. Now, the concern has shifted; children are a social media commodity, whether financially or simply within social groups. Their images, names, and locations are often given out freely online by parents without consideration for the potential impact on their future lives and privacy. So ubiquitous is this kind of parental oversharing that researcher Stacey B. Steinberg coined a name for it in 2016: sharenting. Steinberg explores the delicate line that exists between parents’ right to post about their lives online and a child’s need for privacy. The challenge for policy-makers and internet users alike is to decide whether a parent’s desire to share images of their child supersedes the child’s right to privacy. I contend it should not. So, what should be done? Once we can acknowledge it’s gone too far, how can we intervene?

The United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child recognises in article 16 the importance of a child’s right to privacy, and states

“No child shall be subjected to arbitrary or unlawful interference with his or her privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to unlawful attacks on his or her honour and reputation.”

In practice, however, individual states’ laws regarding online privacy differ greatly, and most often the nuts and bolts of children’s online access and exposure are decided by the social media platforms themselves. Whether a child is able to access a platform is the purview of the platform’s terms of service, and many rightly have policies regarding gaining consent prior to the uploading of content containing children. However, parent-run social media accounts which centre much younger children are omnipresent on sites like Instagram and Youtube. Instagram and Facebook allow users to choose who sees each post, potentially limiting the audience for pictures of children. Still, this decision is left in the hands of the parents. Mandating that accounts containing the visible faces of children under thirteen – the age of use of most social media sites – must be private would better future-proof children’s privacy.

A further concern comes from ‘sharents’ who are hopeful influencers, enticed by a huge financial incentive should their child become the next internet star. Indeed, one of Youtube’s wealthiest creators of 2019 is an eight-year-old boy who rose to fame by opening children’s toys on camera. Recent discussion surrounding the responsibility of platforms to protect children from exploitation and exposure has centred around this kind of mega-famous child creator, as well as the ‘family vlogger’ genre of Youtube creators and TikTok stars. These channels, while run by adults, primarily draw audiences through filming and posting the daily experiences of their babies or children, sometimes from the second of their birth. These children, it’s unnecessary to remark, have no say in their participation, while their image is freely disseminated to millions of strangers across the globe. Few would disagree that this is a violation of their privacy, and that their parents’ actions will have a significant impact upon their future employment and, perhaps, safety.

It’s not so simple, however, to villainize every social media parent. TikTok’s Maia Knight began posting videos of her twin girls for her own enjoyment. She likely never expected to grow an audience of 7.6 million followers, who give her children affectionate pet names and call themselves the children’s collective father. While Knight could withdraw from the spotlight and take her children offline, her account is now generating enough of an income that she can remain at home with her children and set them up for a safe, financially stable life. Walking away from this kind of stability is surely not an easy task. While the concerns for the safety and privacy of these young lives remains, my ire resides with the systems that exploit us all, children and adults alike, when it comes to surviving in the digital age, rather than mothers like Knight. 

The complex problems brought about by the internet age require nuanced solutions. Ultimately, child content creators should be protected under both privacy and child labour laws in their home country. However, this would require an immense legislative overhaul, and would likely be pushed against by large and powerful corporations behind social media platforms. So what can we push for in the meantime? Many are actively campaigning for social media platforms like Youtube to demonetise content which centres children under the age of thirteen until such legislation can be created. This action would disincentivise over-exposing children for financial gain and would decrease the exploitation of children too young to give their informed consent. Many tabloid websites and magazines are opting to blur the faces of celebrity children to protect their privacy. It is not unreasonable to suggest platforms like Instagram require the same level of protection for ordinary kids in their terms of service.

Social media is real life; the images we share, information we give and discussions we have are part of our life story permanently. While parents’ desire to share the lives of their little ones are often borne out of the best intentions, a child’s right to determine the course of their lives on their own terms, on-and-offline, should take precedence.

Image: NIKON CORPORATION / Public Domain Certification via pixnio

Viva La Varsity

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Dark Blue vs Green. Green? Shouldn’t it be Light Blue? A Cantabridgian colour does not exist. It’s always slightly different. Cambridge University Ladies’ netball Club comes closest to wearing the closest acceptable shade of light blue. The pigment on the Lax club is somewhere closer to the mixed green-blue-turquoise. 

And live from the River Thames, the rowers from the eastern side of the OxCam arc just dress up in full green, no shame. Snotgreen, à-la-Joyce. Don’t even talk to me about the colours of CUAFC. The rugby team goes about completely avoiding Oxonian mockery, adding in white stripes to avoid full-scale artistic scrutiny. A fun fact for you, to add to the pure humiliation: Cambridge used to play in pink!

Taking offence to the rival’s colours exemplifies the haughty spirit of tribal elitism. What does ‘shoe the tabs’ even mean? Varsity is a fixture founded upon a snobbish, Victorian chivalric, public schoolish, stop-masturbating-in-your-bedroom-young-boys clash of virility and masculine physicality. Those great chaps who went to Oxford and Cambridge in the 19th century had to do something to get themselves outside: kicking a round football for the first time in 1874, kicking a strange oval ball for the first time in 1872, challenging each other to race boats down the river for the first time  in 1829. Varsity, why do you exist? Why do you think you are relevant?

The feelings among the rest of the British population are of this kind. Broadcasters’ interest in Varsity has significantly declined. Rugby league varsity only had a one-year cameo broadcast on Sky Sports. The rugby Union Varsity Matches used to be shown live on BBC One or ITV, but today no longer attract their interest. Long gone are the days when football Varsity was played at Wembley, let alone at Premier League stadiums such as Craven Cottage. Rumours are floating around that this year may be the last cricket Varsity at Lord’s Cricket Ground. Varsity is no longer regarded as the cornerstone event that represents the glory of esteemed British academia. The very institutions of the University of Oxford or Cambridge themselves may not be so greatly revered today as they once were, despite the enormous successes of scientific research. 

Like gowns at formals, speeches in Latin, trumpets at matriculation, Varsity is one of those old outdated traditions that could probably be done away with. Varsity is, by definition today, amateur sport played by “I-am-at-Oxbridge!” students who probably care way too much about their erg or beep test times. 

Varsity is harmless fun. The friendly animosity of the rivalry between Oxford and Cambridge is an energetic distraction to the soul-burning and hand-hurting activities of academic life. This forged conflict between the two historic universities is no real inconvenience of any kind to anyone today. Varsity sport fixtures are the Oxbridge student’ chance to actively escape the hard work-life, to emotionally invest oneself into a banter world of game, and to play competitive sport. It’s a pretty tradition. 

If the prestige of Varsity has declined over the last years, it has had little impact on the impassioned spirit of respective sports clubs. As much as Varsity may be for the patriotic man who is proud of the country’s success in academia and research, Varsity is for the 19-year-old student who cycles 20 minutes out of the city to train with his teammates at 9pm on a Monday night despite being in a serious essay-crisis. Varsity is for the proud parents taking a trip to Oxford to watch their wonder daughter play hockey for the 3s in the middle of Storm Eunice. Varsity is for the supportive friends who take their megaphones to sing silly and amiably provocative chants like “Have you ever seen Cambridge make a vaccine?”. Varsity is for committed coaches who could have once-upon-a-time “gone pro” if they hadn’t injured themselves. Varsity is for the postgraduates recruited from Oceania to win one game. Varsity is for the strict referees who are shouted at by annoyed students on the sidelines. Varsity is for the glee of shoeing the tabs. Varsity is for Park End and VK. Varsity’s for sanity though it’s weird, for tradition though it’s shady, for health though it’s stressful, for camaraderie though it’s absurd. 

… Most crucially: Varsity is for Oxford to win and C*mbridge to lose. 

Image: ale/ CC BY-2.0 via Wikimedia Commons