Monday, May 12, 2025
Blog Page 377

A refreshing debut: freshers’ Michaelmas sporting experiences (part 1)

As with all aspects of university life, playing sport at Oxford was an unusual prospect last term – especially for incoming freshers, ever keen to showcase their existing skills in Uni sides and try their hand at new sports. Cherwell asked three freshers how their experiences (if any) of Oxford sporting life had been in Michaelmas, how the Covid pandemic had affected their opportunities to join in with University and College teams, and what their athletic ambitions were for future terms.

Mauricio Alencar – rugby league, lacrosse, and football

One of the great things about university, they say, is that you can start playing a sport you had never thought about playing before. This year, that was all a little bit different. Covid restrictions on sport, lockdown, isolation, an online freshers fair, no BUCS going on, and diminishing prospects in sight of “shoeing the tabs” in the coming year meant freshers were set at a distance from playing sports at/for Oxford. I went for rugby league and lacrosse to start with, as well as playing football and rugby for college.

So, just as rugby league and lacrosse team members began to welcome me and integrate me, lockdown 2.0 kicked in. They were both sports I had never played before coming to university. Like in normal times, I had to quickly learn rules, techniques, tactics. I also had to wake up early, train late, put in some gym work in spare time – all things I had never done before. Playing 11-a-side football for Teddy Hall was also just as exciting, as we prepared to compete (and definitely win) in Cuppers and leagues, which was just around the corner. All that, only for November Corona rules to barge in and set me back to square one.

The lacrosse and rugby league clubs kept me engaged with online team gym sessions and video analysis workshops. The most difficult part of term has been socials. All the things a fresher is told about do not happen: no entry into Park End on a Wednesday, no ‘normal’ crew-dating with other Oxford clubs, and little to no socialising with other teammates. With gyms closing, rugby/rugby socials at colleges cancelled for Michaelmas, and football having to also stop over lockdown, there was little route into playing sport. Running in the park alone or with another mate, or doing press-ups in your university bedroom just cannot compare to anything like the sport you play with your club.

While the whole situation might make a fresher sad and jealous of older years and the ‘freshers’ experience’ they had had, it also makes a fresher more excited for the great sporting and social times to come. Michaelmas was a sneak peek into a sportsperson’s life at university, and as restrictions hopefully begin to ease as the rest of the academic year goes on, sport and sport socials will once again come back to life. Starting out with a sport you might have never played before will certainly be worth it in due course. To Hilary we come.

Matthew Cogan – water polo and football

It is fair to say that, much like everything else in the world right now, sport at Oxford has had a difficult last couple of months. As a fresher, sport was one of the major things that I was hoping to get involved in during my first Michaelmas term here at Oxford, and whilst Boris’s national lockdown clearly limited my options, it did not stop me from getting involved where possible. I had played water polo for a couple of years at school, and upon the discovery of a session at the Rosenblatt Pool during 1st week I decided to head along. The next few weeks consisted of two or three training sessions a week, one of which started at 6.30 am! I am not quite sure who thought that was a good idea but I can categorically confirm it was not. Unfortunately, the traditional crewdate could not take place; I am still yet to experience such an event but, when I do, I am sure that my shoes will see some drinking action. This was instead replaced by a social-distancing compliant dinner at Vincent’s where I was able to get to know other members of the club, something that myself and other freshers present were very grateful for.

I also managed to get involved in some college football throughout the term. There was a first session in fresher’s week followed by a first intra-club friendly on the same day as Matriculation – I am sure that you can imagine how well all of the freshers played that afternoon. There were further friendlies organised but, in typical 2020 fashion, these had to be cancelled as too many members of each team were in self-isolation. This, it seemed, would be the final action of the term but luckily, after the lockdown lifted, there was time for one more intra-club friendly on the Friday of 8th week. The word friendly in this context would be very much misleading: it was a game that was taken extremely seriously. The sides were fairly equal on paper, but after four 20 minute quarters, fitness not always at the highest level, my team had fallen to a harrowing 4-1 defeat despite dominating for much of the game. Michaelmas term has been a great introduction to Oxford sport and hopefully in Hilary there will be many more chances to get involved, not only through training, but also with the return of inter-college sport.

Esther Coomber – rowing

This year has obviously come with many unique challenges and, in terms of rowing, this has been no different. From national lockdown to self-isolation, my training has been disrupted and, at times, I have found it difficult to maintain motivation without being able to train alongside my teammates. I joined Oxford Women’s Boat Club this year as a fresher having rowed since age 13 at Maidenhead Rowing Club then Latymer Upper School. My favourite part about rowing is being on a team of driven, competitive and hard-working people reaching for the same goal – for us at Oxford this is to win the 2021 Boat Race.

The term of rowing, as a whole, has been physically demanding, as to be expected, but also an incredibly positive experience surrounded by encouraging and supportive teammates. Whether in person or via zoom, we train twice a day which, although it involves both time efficiency and organisation, I have found helpful in adding structure to my day, particularly as I study a degree without many contact hours.

As a fresher, rowing has also been a great way to meet people from across the university from different years, colleges and departments – something that has been especially challenging this year. Since joining the team in early September for preseason training, the OUWBC team have been incredibly friendly and welcoming and I particularly valued having friends from older years to turn to for advice as I started university. We were able to have socials, in keeping with the COVID guidelines at the time, including picnics and zoom quizzes, which has allowed us to get to know each other away from the intense environment of training. From January, our training load will increase as we get ready for the Boat Race held in early April which I am very much looking forward to along with the rest of the team, especially those who were selected to race last year.

Thanks to our contributors. Look out for part 2 some time after Christmas!

Artwork by Liv Fugger.

Cecil Rhodes inquiry outcome delayed until early spring

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The Oriel College Commission of Inquiry has chosen to delay the outcome of the inquiry into the future of the Cecil Rhodes statue until early spring. The Commission was originally due to publish a report of their findings in January

The Commission was formed in the wake of the Rhodes Must Fall protests in Oxford earlier this year, and has been tasked with considering both the future of the statue and issues surrounding both access and the experiences of BAME students at the University. 

In 2016 Oriel College chose to keep the statue in place after a consultation following the first round of Rhodes Must Fall protests in Oxford, which took place in 2015

The Oriel College Commission of Inquiry is led by Carol Souter CBE, Master of St Cross College, and has 9 members, including Councillor Shaista Aziz and Peter Ainsworth, Chair of the Heritage Alliance. 

A spokesperson for the Commission told Cherwell: “Due to the large amount of input the Commission has received and their desire to consider all submissions carefully, it is likely that the report will now be published in early Spring 2021″.

Image Credit: alf~commonswiki / Wikimedia Commons. Licence: CC-BY-SA 3.0.

Students remaining at university can return to Tier 4 areas for Christmas, says Universities’ Minister

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Universities’ Minister Michelle Donelan has confirmed that students who are living in university accommodation over the vacation may return home for Christmas, even if their home is under Tier 4 restrictions.

Students will be able to travel home once between December 3rd and February 7th. They will be considered a part of whichever household they will be joining. This applies across all tiers in England. Students are advised to take a COVID test before travelling.

Students who live outside the United Kingdom are advised to check restrictions in their destination country. More than 40 countries have banned travel from the UK after the discovery of a new strain of COVID-19 which might spread more easily.

Ms Donelan said she wanted to “give clarity and comfort to those who are yet to travel, including students on clinical placements or with jobs in their university town.”

Students will be exempt from the travel restrictions imposed across areas under Tier 4 restrictions from December 20th. The government says that people living under Tier 4 “must not leave [their] home unless [they] have a reasonable excuse”. “Reasonable” excuses include travelling to work where working from home isn’t possible, accessing education, essential shopping, and caring duties including caring for people in a support bubble and animals.

The government recommended that universities follow their guidance on reopening in order to prevent COVID-19 from spreading when students return. At Oxford University, colleges have published their own guidance about when students should return, taking into account when in-person teaching for their course resumes. Students will be able to take two lateral flow tests when they return.

Universities in Tier 4 areas will reopen for in-person teaching in the new year. Students in all tiers “should not move back and forward” between their home and university during term.

Image Credit: nicprinsloo/Pixabay

And They Call It Puppy Love: Pets in Lockdown

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I was the kind of child that hankered after a fluffy four-legged friend – the hopeful child that exasperated parents would try to fob off with animal plushies and Hamsterz Life DS games. I suppose my younger self would have agreed if someone said it’d take something like a global pandemic for us to get a dog. 

Yet it has happened: there is a yapping furball in our family kitchen. She is funny and sweet and cheerfully instructing us how the outside world is largely a choking hazard.

But the process of getting her home also showed that there were more pitfalls for puppies than a few chewable-looking pebbles. Juno is a pandemic puppy – our decision in May inadvertently echoed and reinforced the spike in demand for pets during lockdown.

Adoption centres announced soaring rehoming figures. Waiting lists for pets grew ever longer. In the month after we began searching for a dog, the Kennel Club issued a press release reporting a 168% rise in people looking for puppies using its ‘Find a Puppy’ tool between 23rd March and 29th May, compared to the same period last year. Bill Lambert, its Head of Health and Welfare, warned of ‘this rather terrifying picture of a nation of people who are careless and impulsive when it comes to choosing where and how to buy a dog.’

Such trends raise questions about our relationship with domesticated animals – their uncertain paradoxical identity as both objects and lives, animals and surrogate children. This latter role, pets as family members, is further constructed by consumer goods designed to reinforce this dynamic, not only by providing harnesses in myriad shades, but also offering novelty items – a unicorn rucksack for instance, or dog-friendly popcorn, dog-friendly ice cream, even doggy ‘alcohol’. From this capitalising upon affections, who profits most?

It’s an important concern in our tense pandemic period, where pets’ role as consumer goods has been dramatically foregrounded. Rapid sales of dogs in particular exemplify how far they are seen as answers to human emotional needs, at times with scant consideration for their welfare. Dogs are, after all, a far cry from mere plushies and games.

The speed at which advertisements came and went when we first went online certainly seemed to support fears of ‘careless and impulsive’ buyers, if not also sellers. Both Pets4homes and Gumtree saw advertisements being answered so rapidly that sales were made within minutes. Several of the breeders we contacted, generally on the day the advertisement was put up, apologised that every puppy had been sold. Many noted the ‘huge amount of interest’ and how the response for puppies had been ‘a bit crazy’.

Speaking to a breeder selling cockapoo puppies in London, they observed how cockapoos went from highest £1,500 pre-lockdown, to £3,000 during the pandemic (as I write, the most expensive puppies on Pets4homes are miniature dachshunds, each priced at £25,000).

‘I have mixed feelings,’ they said. ‘Some people definitely see it as a money-making option and especially now the demand for puppies has increased, breeders can charge more especially as people are willing to pay. But then on the other hand, a lot of people have been made redundant, so need the extra money for cash.’

Since they breed cockapoos for a hobby, they can afford to keep the price the same – although potential buyers must now social-distance. ‘We already emphasise hand washing and antibacterial spray a lot even before the pandemic, but I think other breeders should consider anti bac when the customers get in the house, before they hold the puppies, and when they leave.’ Surprisingly, few of the breeders we met were similarly cautious, other than conforming to social distancing requirements.

Fears over puppy farms were another reason against carelessness. Although Lucy’s Law – a regulation banning puppies from being sold by a third-party seller in an attempt to end puppy farming – came into effect this April, by August the Kennel Club was warning that one in four dogs bought during lockdown may be from puppy farms.

While many of us buy our pets for love, in doing so we appropriate their lives for our own purposes, project upon them our own emotions. And like commodities, we make them easily discardable. An article published by The Guardian in August headlined ‘Love you to death: how we hurt the animals we cherish’, offers compelling evidence of how our well-intentioned attitudes to pets have caused problems from environmental damage to poor health amongst popular pedigrees. The very British obsession with pedigrees is one factor encouraging get-rich-quick breeders to be careless with animal welfare in their haste to meet demand.

For all the emotive language around puppy farms, spotting them is not always so straightforward. One breeder we met was licensed by the council but sold various different pedigree dog breeds, as well as shorthair silver tabby kittens (all reserved). The kittens, with their mother, rested in a three-tier indoor cat cage, beside some puppy pens. We could hear noisy barking from another room, while the lady showed us a little Pomeranian, adding we could pick her up whenever. After the visit, we agreed that another breed would better suit our home – before we texted however, we were told she had decided to keep the puppy.

Whether or not the breeder was connected to a puppy farm was difficult to ascertain. The RSPCA website notes how ‘normal-looking homes’ can be ‘a shop-front for unscrupulous puppy dealing rings.’ Much more troubling was another breeder who responded to our interest – Douglas Hall Kennels, in Lancashire, which offered to send us more photos by email.

As it was situated far away, we researched the breeders beforehand. What we found were posts accusing them of animal abuse, several articles outlining an independent review of their licence, as well as a Change.org petition imploring for people to ‘Shut down Douglas hall kennels and rescue the puppies!’, signed by just over 10,000 people. Describing the puppies as ‘kept in wooden areas with bits of shredded paper to keep them warm’, the creator of the petition went on to report breeder to an animal welfare organisation and trading standards.

This petition was made two years ago. The breeders are listed by the Welsh dog charity Cariad as among those which they believed would be affected as a result of Lucy’s Law, but are still operating despite continuing concerns from past buyers and local activists.

We would not have known this had we simply trusted Pets4homes as a website advertising dogs from reputable breeders. Periodically we saw news articles and posts warning about this or that ‘breeder’ actually being a scammer using a false address. People could take advantage of the pandemic to encourage buyers not to visit, instead employing stock photos or using the situation to sell unhealthy dogs advertised unclearly. Further improvements to the marketplace, such as adding a feature to allow reviews of breeders, could act as preventative measures against scammers, enabling users to gauge the reliability of each advertisement.

Eventually, we settled on a breeder in Wales who worked as a nurse. She was lovely and helpful during the videocall, answering our questions and questioning us in turn, showing us the puppy and its mother. The breeder sent regular photos and videos updating us on the puppy until we could collect her at 10 weeks old. Somewhat unadvisedly, we paid the deposit without seeing the puppy in person – a risk we felt had to be taken knowing how quickly puppies were being secured by buyers. All of Juno’s litter of seven were reserved within 24 hours.

It is a pressure that no doubt increases the number of ‘impulsive’ purchases during the pandemic. On Pets4homes alone, more than 225,000 were rehomed during June and August. Consider other online marketplaces, and how such patterns have been mirrored in Canada, America, Australia, and you conceive the immense circulation and distribution of pets, taking place at an unprecedented rate of time, and striving to operate ever more rapidly. 

Since September, Pets4homes has launched a Safety Deposit service that allows sellers to set the required deposit value, which buyers then pay through Pets4Homes. The deposit is only transferred once both parties confirm they are happy. This, according to Pets4homes, means that ‘deposits for the first time can be placed with greater security and peace of mind’. A significant proportion of sellers have opted into the scheme and, as a response to the pandemic, the speed with which the service has been implemented is impressive.

Nevertheless, despite a notice on the website asking buyers to ‘ALWAYS use Pets4homes safe deposit feature when placing a deposit’, many sellers have not. One breeder I contacted in the West Midlands emphasised that they ‘only do deposits as stated on the information provided, PayPal or bank transfer’. Although the service is free to sellers, the processing fee for buyers may be a disincentive. But another breeder in Manchester, advertising a litter of Yorkiepoos without the ‘safety deposit’ being activated, was still open to the idea, ‘if I can figure out how to send them my information’.

For many buyers, the Safe Deposit scheme still came too late – one questions why it took a pandemic for the service to be created. Action Fraud observed how, in the first two months of lockdown, 669 people lost about £280,000 from deposits paid to scammers. Reports to Action Fraud in April were more than treble the number of reports in March. But even pre-lockdown the number of online scams were rising.

This does not merely mean people losing money, but also – to meet buyers’ demands, exploited by unscrupulous profiteers – thousands of ill-looked after puppies falling sick and dying, their lives worth only as much as their cute face or pure blood.

We could not quite relax until Juno finally arrived home.

In the warm safety of our house, we now ask questions like ‘Can dogs be vegetarian?’ and, more ridiculously, ‘Will she need a raincoat?’

There’s something terribly farcical in worrying over these questions against the backdrop of a global pandemic, from which nearly a million people have lost their lives. But, while incongruous, the soaring demand for pets is nonetheless unexpectedly symptomatic, and not only of people’s needs for affection and companionship. Rather, it has exacerbated existing issues in the ways we treat animals.

The pandemic puppy-buying boom does not end with the sound of paws scampering around new homes. As people return to work, animal welfare charities have warned of pets being abandoned – Dogs Trust has predicted that up to 40,000 dogs may end up on the streets. Others observe newly alone-at-home dogs suffering from depression; some have already been unsettled by disrupted routines, and puppies may have missed out on socialisation during lockdown. Meanwhile the momentum built up for buying pets during lockdown continues, with prices remaining high and breeders’ waiting lists increasing.

Safeguards are needed as these trends will continue with a second wave or another national lockdown. Pets4homes’s Safe Deposit service is a promising start; more can be learned from the pandemic’s consequences to address its complex effects.

Few, if any, examples of literature on pandemics anticipate humans turning to their pets unless, in the case of more cynical dystopias, to destroy. The striking first sentence of J.G. Ballard’s dystopian novel High Rise begins: ‘Later, as he sat on his balcony eating the dog, Dr Robert Laing reflected on the unusual events that had taken place within this huge apartment building during the previous three months.’

While a pandemic does not feature, the novel’s claustrophobic focus on tensions among the building’s inhabitants echo themes of lockdown. It is heartening to remember how we hugged our dogs rather than devoured them; even so, animals have often been victims of human fear. Cats and dogs were commonly killed during the Great Plague of 1665-66 as they were believed to carry disease; World War II, so often invoked for the Blitz spirit today, also saw the culling of as many as 750,000 British pets by largely well-meaning owners.

We love our pets, and this has been proved this year in economic terms, with people panic-buying pet food and pampering them with other treats. The pet industry has significantly benefited, with Pets at Home shares surging by 17% (as designated ‘essential retailers’, the major pet supplier’s stores remained open), with higher annual profits expected this year even as Britain faces the uncertainty of a second wave. And the role of dogs in the coronavirus pandemic is still evolving, with scientists researching the possibility of training them to detect COVID-19 in humans, potentially speeding-up screening processes.

Yet there is the need to go further to protect these animals which we have bred, over the centuries, to be reliant on our care. We talk knowingly of a ‘dog eat dog’ world, but such a metaphor has always spoken more eloquently of human societal flaws than dogs themselves. How so many shall suffer, for our competition.

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Back home, Juno – here safe, with luck on both her side and ours – scampers out all agog and awake for the world to smile on her. As children from the local primary school spill through the gates, their faces light up behind their face masks as she passes, curious as ever, trusting every one.

Artwork by Emma Hewlett

Review: Phoebe Bridgers’ ‘If We Make It Through December’ EP

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Coming off the post-apocalyptic scream that concluded Punisher, Phoebe Bridgers’ 2020 album (my favourite album this year, and possibly ever), the muted buzz of If We Make It Through December acts as a tender balm, and a gentle denouement. If the final throes of Punisher felt like the manifestation of the hellish first six months of the year (it was released in June), this release – as well as her Bandcamp fundraiser cover of The Goo Goo Dolls’ ‘Iris’ with Maggie Rogers, released in November to celebrate the result of the American election, and the strings-oriented Copycat Killer EP, remixing songs from Punisher – seem like the intake of breath afterwards, surveying the rest of the year that nonetheless still stretches out in front of us. A very artistically appropriate accident of the June release date.

On this record, her cover of Merle Haggard’s country song is bundled together with her previous Christmas releases into an extremely potent mix; there is a 2019 cover of Simon and Garfunkel’s ‘Silent Night/7 O’Clock News’, but the news in question is now a report covering (amongst other things, such as burgeoning abortion restriction and impeachment) the murder of Botham Jean by his police officer downstairs neighbour when she broke into his apartment, which was international news in 2019 and particularly potent to hear this year, to be reminded of the long, long list of Black victims of police violence. ‘Christmas Song,’ a cover of another country song (this time by McCarthy Trenching) follows, and the EP is concluded by the haunting, ‘Hallelujah’-esque ‘Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.’ Like Jeff Buckley before her, Bridgers proves herself a loving melder of previous songs and styles; both select unexpected songs to cover (her country songs, and his Nina Simone and Benjamin Britten) and both manage to bend them to their own voices and styles without compromising the essence of them. 

Bridgers’ decision to release these covers as one record distils the last four years flawlessly and creates a genuinely heartrending resonance and cathartic release. The repeated arpeggio really stands out on this entire release, its fractured nature suggesting at once atomised individuality, and also a wider structure which creates unity on the EP as a whole. It underlines the isolation of this year whilst also reiterating our relation to each other. Bridgers’ hushed vocals lend the tracks the feeling of a lullaby, hastening the end of the year and the wish of a calmer 2021, and the slow and gentle pace of the whole EP, bursting out only once on its third track, seems to embrace this hope, though in a melancholy and reflective mood. Bridgers sings, at her loudest: “you don’t have to be alone to be lonesome” and (whether this track was recorded in 2018 or not) it feels like a sign of the times as we dissect our relationships with others. The quiet wash of percussion on the last song thrums along with swooping theremin and heavy reverb, expanding the space in which you are listening. She is next to you, and the world is wide. You can see the wintry grey skies and silhouettes of stark branches.

This release concludes an electric year for Phoebe fans, one in which we have been endlessly lucky. This is the deeply emotional conclusion to a tumultuous year which does not shy away from the context of its production, forging a strong relationship with it both explicitly and in the general tone, encapsulating the hopes and fears of the last few years.

Image credit: Wikimedia Commons

Christmas Songs: The Hidden Treasures and Epic Failures

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If you’re anything like me, you’ve been listening to Christmas songs since the beginning of November. Oxmas is without doubt one of the very best things about Oxford; it means I can legitimately start singing along to Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas’ and nobody is allowed to complain.

When I started to compile this list, I thought through all of my favourite Christmas songs. But then I realised that no-one needs to read another article about how essential Frank Sinatra, Michael Bublé or George Michael are to your Spotify Christmas playlist. So instead, I’ve scoured through back catalogues of Christmas hits to find the most underrated, obscure and awful songs out there. Starting on a more positive note…

Underrated:

1. Wombling Merry Christmas – The Wombles

What else could the top choice be other than this absurd nightmarish vision of a song? ‘Wombling Merry Christmas’ managed to reach number 2 back in the UK Singles Chart in 1974. The Wombles, for anyone that doesn’t know, were a British novelty pop group that dressed as characters from the hit children’s TV show of the same name— the Wombles being mole-like creatures that live underground Wimbledon Common collecting human rubbish. Yet for a TV show and a music group that is so utterly bizarre, the song is surprisingly catchy. Extra points have to be given for sheer originality— it’s safe to say you won’t see any song like this debuting in the charts anytime soon.

2. Cozy Little Christmas – Katy Perry

I am saying this completely non-ironically: ‘Cozy Little Christmas’ is one of Katy Perry’s better songs. Sure, it is no ‘Last Friday Night’ or ‘Teenage Dream’. But is vastly superior to the majority of her recent offerings on her latest 2020 album, Smile. It is sickly sweet, but in a certain saccharine quality is necessary in most Christmas songs. The music video itself is particularly entertaining, featuring Santa Claus as Katy Perry’s sugar daddy, and Perry herself floating around in a giant-sized candy cane cocktail. Frankly, I was surprised that this song didn’t take off more when it was released in 2019, only reaching number 22 in the chart. Maybe it’ll be like ‘All I Want For Christmas’— a slow burner that will reach number 1 decades after its release.

3. Snowman – Sia (and pretty much the rest of Everyday Is Christmas album)

The first two songs I’ve included on the list are very much examples of trashy pop hits. But if you prefer a bit more of an alternative Christmas playlist, Sia’s 2017 album is the go-to. I included ‘Snowman’ as TikTok has revived its popularity in the last few months, but the lead single ‘Santa’s Coming For Us’ is also worth a listen.

4. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus – Amy Winehouse

All credits to Amy Winehouse, who managed to take a slightly forgettable but perfectly pleasant Christmas song and turn it into an absolute masterpiece. I didn’t know this existed until recently. The song is perfect for Winehouse to exhibit her impressive vocals, putting a fresh spin on an old classic.

5. Snow in California – Ariana Grande 

Ariana Grande has become something of a Christmas staple. Her silky smooth vocals feature most recently on the 2020 Christmas release of ‘Oh Santa!’ along with Jennifer Hudson and Mariah Carey. Her two earlier Christmas albums, Christmas & Chill and Christmas Kisses are guilty pleasures. ‘Snow in California’ is not as well-known as ‘Santa Tell Me’, but is certainly a more understated offering that can’t help but warm the heart.

Worst:

1. Christmas Tree – Lady Gaga

It pains me to include this on the list. As anyone who knows me personally, I am a massive Lady Gaga fan. In fact, I scored in the top 0.05% of her listeners this year in my Spotify Unwrapped. Yet her Christmas song is awful. There is no other way of describing it. With lyrics such as “the only place you’ll wanna be is underneath my Christmas tree” and “under the mistletoe, where everybody knows, we will take off our clothes”, the sexual innuendos are cringe-worthy at the very best and lack any subtlety. If you like trash, like I do, you may just about find it bearable to listen to. My question is whether it is so bad that it’s actually good?

2. Mistletoe – Justin Bieber

On the other end of the spectrum is one of my least favourite artists. Justin Bieber. Admittedly, this song, released in 2011, is a nostalgic reminder of the innocent teen idol that Bieber was once during the early stages of his career. The song isn’t terrible, and I have lots of friends that swear by it. However, everything about it is so forgettable and uninspiring. Bieber is strangely uncharismatic (especially in the music video), and the lyrics are flat.

3. Last Christmas – Crazy Frog

What’s so bad about it? It’s a Crazy Frog cover of Wham’s cheesy hit. Enough said.

4. Do they Know it’s Christmas – Band Aid

Now I am completely aware that my inclusion of Band Aid on the worst Christmas songs list is controversial. Whilst it is certainly a tune, even at the time, the press deemed Bob Geldof and Midge Ure’s 1984 hit “underwhelming” when it was released after a period of mass promotion. That isn’t even to mention the problematic lyrics, promoting condescending and stereotypical views of Africa. And given that Ethiopia’s population is majority Christian, yes, they probably do know it’s Christmas.

5. All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth) – Spike Jones

Finally, a particular hatred of mine that features all too-heavily in Christmas songs are the inclusion of children with somewhat grating singing voices. Wizzard falls guilty of this crime with the children’s choir in ‘I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday’, and I’m not sure how anyone can bear listening to ‘Walking in the Air’ from The Snowman forty years after its original release. Admittedly, Spike Jones’ rendition of this particular song is intended to be a joke. The joke wears off pretty quickly after it has come up on my Spotify playlist for the fifteenth time. Don’t even get me started on the Alvin and the Chipmunks version of the song either (or indeed, the rest of their 1999 Christmas album).

Image credit: Wikimedia Commons

All I Want for Christmas is Food!

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Come Christmas, what’s on your table? Are there bowls overflowing with cranberry sauce? Plates filled with pigs in blankets? A prize bird gleaming on its platter? Traditions differ, but some dishes find their feature every year. 

For most, the star of the Christmas feast is the turkey: the plump, golden-skinned bird that takes pride of place. But different birds have had their place; peacocks, pheasants and ducks all had their time on the table and before Victorian times, a goose was the typical centrepiece of the Christmas meal. 

Henry VIII, a man then synonymous with decadence, may have been the first in England to try a turkey, but it did not come into fashion until Charles Dickens chose to emphasise the immense philanthropy of Scrooge’s gift to the Cratchits by swapping their traditional goose for turkey. No expense would be spared, and thus the Christmas turkey fell into vogue. Isabella Beeton, author of Mrs Beeton’s Book of Household Management, and the Victorian authority on all things to do with housekeeping, bolstered this new trend by proclaiming that Christmas for the middle class “would scarcely be a Christmas dinner without its turkey”. 

Two of the more controversial members of a Christmas dinner, Yorkshire puddings and Bread Sauce, both find their origins in leftovers. Although many would argue Yorkshire puddings should only be eaten with roast beef, they actually originated from the drippings of fat off mutton as it roasted. As dripping fell into a pan filled with a batter, a Yorkshire pudding – enormous by today’s standards – would grow. Anyone with a food-strict upbringing similar to my own would never imagine a Yorkshire pudding on their plate come Christmas, yet this favourite continues to divide the country. It takes just a quick google search to discover the years of articles that have piled up from yuletides arguing pro-YP or against!

Yorkshire puddings’ more traditional, but stranger cousin is bread sauce. The beige, lumpy, liquid-like substance is not much more than gloop to those who haven’t been brought up with it. But to a fan, it’s a haven of stodgy delight. Bread sauce also originates from leftovers. In the Medieval period, soups were thickened with leftover bread, rather than flour as used today. These soups were prepared for Christmas feasts and evolved into the bay/nutmeg/clove flavoured slop (can you tell I wasn’t raised on it?) that so many will douse their turkey with this week.

As with anything that has its roots in the dinners of yore, the veg on our plates at Christmas have been shaped simply by whatever our ancestors managed to grow. Brussel sprouts found their way to the UK from Belgium, being the only cold-hardy green around. Parsnips, the preferred partner to sprouts, are harvested in the winter. Their first frost causes sugars to be released from their starch stores, giving them their characteristic sweetness (you won’t find that fun fact in your cracker). 

Christmas desserts may be the most reliably underwhelming part of the day. Dessert has the opportunity to hold such creativity and glee, and yet the dry, misshapen lumps turned out year after year hold nothing but an unbelievable amount of fruit. They also hold a considerable serving of history. 

The myth of each of the thirteen fillings of Christmas cake representing the 12 apostles and Jesus is a fun tale, but the most interesting story is with mince pies. First, let’s clear it up – yes, mincemeat did once contain real meat. Dating back to the crusades when meat/spiced/fruit pies found their way back to Europe, mince pies evolved from rectangular “coffins” to round Christmas Pyes that were often found at bountiful Christmas feasts. They were famously held in disdain by Cromwell’s Puritan government because of the ‘more-gluttony-less-Jesus’ they seemed to represent. By the Victorian period, mincemeat was being prepared and jarred earlier and earlier in the year to allow flavours to mature, and hence, meat was left at the wayside – thankfully for us. 

These Victorian mince pies largely look like those we have today – buttery pastry, spiced fruit (and suet) filling, decoration with festive designs on top. Though their status as a delicious treat may be divisive, mince pies, with their undeniably Christmassy aroma, remind you it’s a special time of the year, and for that they fulfil their role as a Christmas food tradition. 

Whether you guzzle gravy or put away potatoes, your food has been through a lot to make it onto your table – so forget the Queen’s speech and tune into your food come Friday. 

Image credit: Wikimedia Commons.

Oxford to remain in Tier 2 despite new restrictions in the South-East

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Oxford is to remain in tier 2 despite much of the South-East being placed under new, stricter tier 4 measures.

However, new rules for the festive period will apply to Oxford, with only one day of household mixing allowed on Christmas Day itself, rather than the five days originally proposed. Three different households are still able to meet for the day in areas outside of Tier 4.

Oxford will still be subject to tier 2 restrictions, as only areas in the South-East which are currently in tier 3 will be moved into the new tier 4. However, the neighbouring counties of Buckinghamshire and Berkshire will be living under the tougher rules.

The new tier 4 restrictions will resemble those imposed during the second national lockdown, with all non-essential shops closed and the public ordered to stay at home. Christmas bubbles are no longer permitted and travel in and out of the area is banned, with individuals only able to meet one other person from outside their household at a time in an outdoor public space. The new rules will affect about 17.7 million, with 17 million remaining in Oxford’s tier 2 level.

The new restrictions are being introduced following the discovery of a new, more infectious strain of the virus, which has seen cases and hospitalisations rise most dramatically in the south east over the last weeks. The measures are an attempt to contain the spread of the new mutation across the country and suppress the rate of infections locally, and will be reviewed by the government every two weeks.

It is not known precisely where the novel strain of coronavirus emerged from. However it continued to spread particularly quickly across the south east despite the lockdown measures taken in November to try and curb rising cases. Initial data suggests it could be up to 70% more infectious, although there is no evidence to suggest that it causes a more severe form of the disease. 

In an announcement on Saturday afternoon the Prime Minister said that there was “no alternative” to the new measures and that “without action the evidence suggests that infections would soar, hospitals would become overwhelmed and many thousands more would lose their lives

“It’s with a very heavy heart we can’t continue with Christmas as planned”.     

Professor Whitty, the government’s Chief Medical Officer, added that individuals who left tier 4 regions to spend Christmas elsewhere would mean a “significant risk” of the new mutation of the virus spreading to areas where it is currently less prevalent.

The full list of areas going into tier 4 are:

  • Kent
  • Buckinghmashire
  • Berkshire
  • Surrey
  • The boroughs of Gosport, Havant, Portsmouth, Rother and Hastings
  • London
  • Bedford and Bedfordshire
  • Milton Keynes
  • Luton
  • Peterborough
  • Herefordshire
  • Essex

Image Credit: Pixabay.

Only 27 lateral flow tests reported as positive across University

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Oxford University’s programme to test the student population before they left for the Christmas vacation saw 27 positive tests recorded, according to data released by the University’s COVID Response department.

4,536 students were issued lateral flow tests from 30th November ahead of the travel window. Students were advised to return home between December 3rd-9th to reduce the risk that they would seed new COVID outbreaks. These self-administered tests were to be taken three days apart, with the second being taken as close to their departure as possible.

The data shows that 0.59% of tests administered were recorded as positive. It is unclear how many of the 27 individuals who had to take confirmatory PCR tests were positive for COVID-19 since these results were combined with others from the testing service. However, lateral flow tests are highly specific once they detect a COVID-19 infection, having a false-positive rate of 0.32%

There have been concerns about the reliability of lateral flow tests. While a review by Oxford University found they could pick up 76.8% of cases, rising to over 95% for people with high viral loads, their sensitivity has been lower in “real-world” scenarios. When mass-testing of the public was trialed in Liverpool, accuracy fell to 58%. This means that in a situation where the public were administering their own tests with little training, up to half of COVID-19 cases would be missed.

Scientists have warned that mass-testing the public can lead to a false sense of security, encouraging people who test negative to engage in risky behaviour. Professor Jon Deeks from Birmingham University expressed concern that people would misunderstand the results of their lateral flow tests, telling The Guardian “a negative test indicates your risk is reduced to between a quarter and one half of the average, but it does not rule out Covid. It would be tragic if people are misled into thinking that they are safe to visit their elderly relatives or take other risks.”

There have also been concerns that mass-testing university students was a “recipe for chaos”. Taking a test was not made compulsory, leading the University and College Union to warn that students who did not take the test because they did not want to risk self-isolating at university could seed new outbreaks. Both undergraduates and graduates were eligible for tests at Oxford. With a student population of 24,000, that means fewer than 20% of students took at least one lateral flow test.

Oxford University says students are “strongly advised” to take lateral flow tests when they return in Hilary Term. These will be provided by colleges. Students are advised to return early enough to take two lateral flow tests three days apart before their subject resumes face to face teaching.

Image Credit: NIAID / Wikimedia Commons. Licence: CC-BY-SA 2.0.

The Solidified People

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The people have solidified since the summer.

Seized up in the cold.

No longer fluid

Melting and melding together in the sun

They can be discerned as individuals now.

Separate entities two metres apart.

Pink still blooms in their cheeks

But it is a bloom of cold, not of heat. 

Their mouths are still there,

Noses too,

But they are contained now.

Silent eyes and foreheads walk the streets.

But the melded people will return

As will their blushed cheeks, noses and mouths

They will be out sunning themselves again

Laughing and smiling

Touching and entwining

Melting and merging

With the summer

Artwork by the author.