Friday 27th June 2025
Blog Page 863

Controlling your emotions

‘Emotional Intelligence’ or EQ, is the ability to process emotional information in relation to the ‘perception, expression, regulation and management of emotion’. It involves a set of mental abilities which allow individuals to process attitudes to feelings and discrimination between feelings, as well as apply mood regulating strategies. Psychologists have argued that an individual’s ability to integrate emotion into thought has an impact on how much we procrastinate, while studies have found a negative relationship between procrastination (or the inability to self-regulate performance) and emotional intelligence.

There are, of course a number of factors which may determine how much we procrastinate. Boredom, anxiety, and perfectionism have all been identified as component factors. One may procrastinate more if they have attention deficits—a tendency to boredom, low self esteem, a fear of failure etc. EQ however, is less obvious and therefore a more interesting factor to consider. Mayer and Salovey’s model of EQ consists of four main components, the ability to perceive emotions (in oneself and others), to use emotions to facilitate thinking, to understand emotions and to manage emotions to attain specific goals. Emotional regulation—namely one’s ability to cope with stress—could be influential in determining how much one procrastinates. Many studies link the aforementioned factors with EQ. One 2014 study concluded that it was EQ’s relation to self-efficacy which then influenced procrastination. Individuals with a high EQ were more likely to believe in their ability to achieve a goal, and were therefore less likely to procrastinate. Using emotional knowledge to assess thought is an important part of EQ. Therefore, it is a reasonable assumption that a lack of EQ leads to emotions like anxiety or boredom overriding responsibility, and in turn prohibits personal growth.

Dr Travis Bradbury, co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 lists nine characteristics of individuals with high EQ’s. They remain optimistic through hardships, and are able to identify their own emotions. They are assertive, curious about others, and won’t let anyone limit their joy. They know what makes them happy, aren’t easily offended, and give little power to negative self-talk.

Procrastination decreases both the quality and the quantity of learning, if you procrastinate and feel it may be due to lacking EQ, but there are ways to develop your emotional intelligence. Dr Susan David’s four stage RUUM model states that applying a system whereby one recognises, uses, understands and manages their emotions can aid the development of an improved EQ. To use this model, check in with yourself occasionally, and ask yourself how you are feeling. Once you have recognised your emotions, try to identify how these feelings are affecting your thinking—acknowledge that emotions can actually help you make better decisions, Try to understand these emotions and identify the factors contributing to how you to feel.

Finally, try to manage these emotions. You can do this through meditation, exercise, music, social support and basically whatever clears your mind and makes you happy. If you are checking in during bouts of procrastination, recognise how you feel. Anxious? Bored? See if this negative thinking is causing you to procrastinate. Ask yourself what caused you to feel this way, and finally try to clear your mind and combat your negative self-talk so that you can return to work with a clear and able mind.

“Unapologetically Blink-182”

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I have a confession to make before we start: the only reason I got into blink-182 was my all-consuming love affair with My Chemical Romance.

Throughout my obsession with the inspirational piece that is The Black Parade, I trawled YouTube for any video which even contained a curl of Ray Toro’s incredibly voluminous hair. Knee deep in a series of interviews discussing the band’s personal hygiene, I came across a seminal work: Gerard Way’s hyper-aggressive cover of blink-182’s ‘First Date’. When Mark Hoppus paid him some kind of compliment for his slightly angstier version of their song, I knew we were bonded for life over a shared appreciation of Gerard.

With this in mind, I sat down to listen to the deluxe edition of blink-182’s latest album, California. Before I’d even pressed play, I realised this was the kind of album which served well for the revision period. Tunes, such as ‘Misery’ and ‘Bored to Death’, are great for setting the mood when you sit down in the library at 8am, for your fifteenth past paper. ‘Hey I’m Sorry’ works well as a secondary attachment to any email which you send your tutor, while ‘Don’t Mean Anything’ is a tune which I’ve really been enjoying in the run up to my grammar coursework paper.

But despite the fact that the titles make fitting accompaniments to any revision montage, the songs themselves aren’t dire, painful or emotionally trying, as revision is. Instead, they’re incredibly successful: because they are unapologetically blink-182. In particular, ‘Parking Lot’, which has already been released as a single, and ‘Good Old Days’ are brilliant, and fit comfortably with the band’s previous albums.

Yet, this isn’t an album which is afraid to try something new and exploratory. It’s worth mentioning the striking acoustic cover of ‘Bored to Death’, a punk rock anthem which has been transformed into something pretty emotional, even cracking out the crowd chant, reminiscent of Panic! At The Disco’s ‘Pretty Odd’ or anything by Dog is Dead. Meanwhile, ‘Don’t Mean Anything’ is the stand out track on the album and its bridge is something I enjoyed far more than any night out in Oxford’s own club.

For those with an exercise playlist, I would also highlight ‘Bottom of the Ocean’. The powerful, high paced rhythm is something that makes me want to work out, or, failing that, walk really fast to lectures. So what’s the overall review? I’d have to give it five stars. blink-182’s deluxe edition of California is a great album, full of catchy, brilliant tunes that have brightened up the revision period and reacquainted me with my MCR days.

Traditional folk music at its experimental best

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The double bass isn’t usually the first instrument one thinks of when one thinks of folk music—but the Miranda Sykes’ latest album, borrowed places, seems to stand out in many different ways. You can tell from the first track that it is a beautiful, lovingly crafted collection of carefully chosen songs.

Traditional music, sometimes prey to simplistic repetition of lyric and melody, has sometimes been given a bad press. This album is a clear sign that the form can be the complete opposite—expressive, heartfelt and, most importantly, hugely listenable. Sykes is a veteran of the folk music scene—after playing for over 20 years with such big name groups as Show Of Hands. This solo album displays her verve and skill, with each tune telling a story and holding a personal connection to Sykes.

Coming mainly from her native Lancashire, the stories, in her words, seek to “take the audience on a journey that resonates with us all”: whether it be the exploration of a family story and a mysterious brooch handed down the generations or an interpretation of a local folk tale, each track introduces the listener to a different scene. By the end of the album, it ing near non-existent, she manages to carry feels like we’ve almost been inside a conversation.

A personal favourite is ‘Panchpuran’, telling the story of a a family emigration from India to England and the traditional cooking methods linked to their ancestral home— a testament to the diverse, almost eclectic collection of themes and threads this album contains.

It is Sykes’ distinctive voice, however, that really brings this music alive—even when the accompaniment is sparse to the extent of being non-existent, she manages to carry the tune and bring the lyrics alive.

And when the double bass and guitar do feature prominently, such as on the final track ‘Sea Glass’, its deep echoing resonance seems to give the music a new depth.

Borrowed Places really is a beautifully expressed piece of traditional musics, engaging and haunting— and I think we can all agree that traditional music just needs more double bass. Or at least, more double bass as good as this.

Choose wisely, it’s in your hands

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The leading couple get married. The villain dies. The protagonist dies. Everyone dies. A happily ever after. How to end a story? A bad ending to a book, play, film, can almost feel like a betrayal: a betrayal of either fiction’s conventions, or of what we see as reality.

Ernest Hemingway wrote 47 different finales to his 1929 masterpiece A Farewell to Arms in an attempt to feel “satisfied”, to find that elusive perfect finish, to “get the words right”. Yet five years ago, Scribner published all these endings in one volume, each possibility offering a fresh perspective on the story. ‘The Nada Ending’ and its tone of apathetic resignation—“That is all there is to the story. Catherine will die and you will die and I will die and that is all I can promise you”—gives a quite different impression to this rather more spiritual option—“The thing is that there is nothing you can do about it. It is all right if you believe in God and love God.”

But as fascinating as these options are, Hemingway did ultimately choose just one—so why publish all the others? Multiple endings allow a consumer to decide for themselves what happened, taking power away from the creator in doing so, although of course all endings only exist because of the creator. They allow a sense of freedom within restriction, something which has been exploited to its fullest by the videogame industry. There are only a certain number of endings available—but there are enough options to pique one’s interest over and over again to try to get a different ending. You can see it both as a weird kind of reincarnation, and, more cynically, as a marketing ploy, a way of ensuring constant audience engagement.

The internet-fuelled success of Clue, the 1985 film of the board game Cluedo, proves this—released with three different endings, it was not successful commercially or critically at the time, but has since become a cult-classic. Netflix is looking at creating its own interactive, branchnarrative show in the near future. The streaming service has been at the forefront of television innovation for a while now, and at first glance this interactivity feels a very modern phenomenon. It combines video games with internet fanfiction and discussion boards to create a heady cocktail of consumer power, all whilst ultimate power still remains with the creator. But this technology has been around in book-form for decades. Remember Goosebumps: You Choose the Scare? Stemming from publisher RA Montgomery’s bestselling Choose Your Own Adventure series, these so-called ‘game-books’ address the reader in the second-person, confronting them with a constant series of choices, each of which leads them to a different page with a different and conflicting fate lying in store.

Despite a period of huge popularity, the videogame industry all but wiped out these books: Montgomery’s series ended finally in 1998. What they showed, nonetheless, was the importance of engagement, something companies are obsessed with today. They demonstrated the importance of keeping your audience on their toes. They also, and perhaps most importantly, worked against the idea, so important in children’s literature, of a moral ending. Readers were not rewarded for ‘being good’. The quantity of endings, the fact that one could end up with a ‘bad’ ending despite making moral choices and vice versa, is both true to reality, and false to fiction.

In a way, then, multiple endings are subversive, preventing didacticism through sheer quantity. This quality is transferred to theatre in Alan Ayckbourn’s Intimate Exchanges. Despite having only two actors, the play has ten characters and sixteen possible endings. Depending on whether or not the character of Celia Teasdale decides to have a cigarette in the first five seconds of the play, several people might get divorced, married, start affairs, have children, or die. Playing to the unique liveness of theatre, the four different two-way decisions continually re-emphasise the element of chance in both theatre, and in life, like the Gwyneth Paltrow film, Sliding Doors.

But multiple endings don’t simply add to the sense of reality. They also emphasise the importance of decision-making. In 1934-6, Ayn Rand’s play Night of January 16th positioned real people as jury, (a bit like Channel 4’s recent documentary The Trial: A Murder in the Family), leaving the final judgement, and so the ending of the play, entirely down to them. The fate of characters depends entirely on real people. The decision made cannot be changed—you cannot rewind theatre. This technique was put to even more dramatic effect in one of Derren Brown’s Experiments. Looking at the impact of crowd mentality, a studio audience were led to believe they could control what happened to a real person—with tragic consequences. The director of Late Shift, Weber, remarked: “The format is about decisions and consequences, so we wanted to show that in real life, you cannot shoot people”.

Unlike in videogames, there are no multiple lives. Multiple endings give consumers a degree of responsibility. This, ironically, can simultaneously make one feel even less in control. Your actions are restricted. Whatever you do, your path is mapped out for you. Multiple endings, as well as being a kind of gimmick, equally force a consumer to consider the bigger questions of life in general. Do you like choice? Do you like knowing all the endings are mapped out? To have just one ending, take road A. Or to choose your own adventure.

SnapShot: Techno where you’d least expect it

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It’s 2am, but it feels like the music has been playing for hours. This must be the best set I’ve ever heard—the pounding bass is met with some more ambient interludes, with acid licks tying it all together. And yet the music is almost secondary to my current experience. I feel almost out of control of my upper body, which sways, twists and shakes to the bass line. My head can’t focus on the music, with the events of the preceding hours proving too much. My hands are still shaking somewhat from the substances I’ve taken, my fingers moving uncontrollably and irregularly. I know that I have been in this state far too often recently, but my lifestyle isn’t going to change any time soon.

The music starts to take over, and I lose all focus. Looking around, I realise that I can’t see anyone I know around me. I start to panic. Moving around, I see nothing but empty spaces, until I see out of the corner of my eye my friend, Jack. He too is in quite a state, juddering turbulently to whatever it is he is hearing. Catching his glazed-over eyes, I put two fingers to my mouth and gesture. I don’t smoke, but I need to get out of this place and take in some fresh air.

We head down the stairs, almost tripping such is the darkness, and head outside. “How are you doing?” I ask, trying to detract from my own situation. “This isn’t going well,” he replies. “This set is outrageous, but my head space isn’t right. We need to get out of here before I get any more trapped.”

Our conversation continues as we stand outside in the cold air. I start to shiver, and realise that my jacket is still inside. “Let’s just go back in briefly and get everything,” I tell Jack. He nods, puts out his cigarette, and follows me back.

I swipe my Bod card and go back upstairs. Hitting save on this bitch of an essay, I pick up my laptop and notes, and carry them with my headphones back to my room. Another caffeine-fuelled, unproductive night in the College library has ended in disappointment, and as the SoundCloud mix I listened to dies down in my head, I make my way to bed.

Meet the ‘Oardinary Boys’ set to take on the Atlantic

Three thousand miles. Forty-foot waves. Fifty days, and then some.

These are the statistics facing Oxford’s “Oardinary Boys” as they prepare to take on the Talisker Whiskey Atlantic Challenge.

Oliver Glanville, a postgraduate reading for an MSc in Nature Society and Environmental Governance at Keble College, and George Randell, English alumnus of Trinity College, will be the first male Oxford pair to row from the Canary Islands to Antigua this December.

Childhood friends from the age of ten, they are looking to translate beer-boat expertise into an astounding ocean voyage. Glanville jokes that conditions promise to be “quite different from what I’ve experienced on the Isis”, whilst Randell describes the journey as “an elaborate way to get a six-pack”.

It is apparent, however, that their undertaking is no laughing matter.

They will row in a 24-hour cycle: one will sleep whilst the other sweats, in two-hour stints. Ten boats compete in the challenge, with one support boat that will be three days away from the pair at any given time.

Contrary to my expectations, Glanville tells me that the fastest route isn’t straight—sea yarns dictate that they “head south until the butter melts”, following historic trading currents as they pull an estimated one million oar strokes across the Atlantic.

“For the first week, you don’t sleep”, Glanville admits, describing how past competitors have battled seasickness and pervasive blistering over the opening days.

“But after that, once you get into the rhythms, you can appreciate the beauty of it”.

I ask how safe the expedition really is—Randell comments that “one of my greatest fears would be, if something goes wrong, that you’d have to be put on a container ship and go wherever it’s heading. You could end up in Shanghai, four weeks later with some burly Russian sailors”.

Container ships themselves will be a big hazard, though the most emphatic stories involve what lurks beneath the water. Glanville tells me that one team has had their hull pierced by the sword of a marlin, whilst Randell speaks of great white teeth found in the hull of another boat. Both wrinkle their noses at the story of an unfortunate pair who emptied their refuse bucket into the wind.

The Oxonians seem unphased by these sea tales, however, focusing instead on preparation over the coming months. They can expect to lose up to 20 per cent of their bodyweight during the event. As a result, their primary focus is to gain mass. They will have to take all provisions with them, relying on dehydrated food and a water-making machine for sustenance.

As I wonder at the sheer isolation of their voyage, Glanville tells me that more people have gone to space than have rowed the Atlantic. At points in the event, I don’t doubt that they will feel a million miles away: mental preparation is as key as physical training.

As for their motivation? Helping others. They are undertaking the event to raise funds for Alzheimer’s research and the Against Malaria foundation. Glanville tells me that Alzheimer’s has affected his family and many friends, whilst Randell stresses the importance of giving to transparent charities such as the Against Malaria foundation.

A big part of the challenge, however, is getting to the start line. They will have to fundraise both to get there, and also for their charities. The pair is seeking corporate sponsorship, holding raffles, dinners and the like in a bid to reach their sixty-thousand pound target. They will also conduct twelve-hour rows in London and Oxford city centres, hoping to garner support from the wider public.

Organised by Atlantic Campaigns, and broadcasted in a documentary by Sky TV, the event will have media exposure in the hundreds of millions.

Whilst individual donors, a number of breweries and kit sponsors Vineyard Vines will help the Oardinary Boys on their journey, there is no doubt that more fundraising needs to be done.

Flash kit may indeed prove useless to the pair: most people row the Atlantic naked to avoid chaffing.

It is worth reflecting on whether more Oxonians might be inspired to take on a challenge of this magnitude in the future. Whilst there is a societal expectation that graduates will quickly start their careers and enter the world of work, the competitors believe that this sort of adventure is a more worthwhile undertaking.

The message seems to be to use this position to take any opportunity you can, even if it’s as mad as rowing across the Atlantic.

Though they call themselves the Oardinary Boys, their endeavour is nothing short of extraordinary.

Oliver Glanville and George Randell’s journey can be followed at www.theoardinaryboys.com 

WATCH: Hugh Grant drinks from a shoe in New College bar

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New College alumnus and Love Actually actor Hugh Grant visited New College last Wednesday, and was seen attending formal before going to the College bar and drinking with students.

During his visit to his alma mater, Grant spoke about press ethics at a drinks reception before going to formal. Grant later was seen in the College bar with many students after formal, where he joined the New College Rugby Club for drinks.

Videos of Grant have emerged on various social media, where he can be seen taking part in Oxford drinking traditions including drinking from a shoe while wearing his NCRFC tie.

The New College JCR president placed an embargo on students speaking to the press about the visit, however Cherwell has spoken to a number of those present.

One student, Dom Hopkins-Powell, changed his Facebook profile picture to a video posted a video him racing Hugh Grant to finish a VK.

Another New College student, who was in the bar at the time, told Cherwell: “It was pretty fucking incredible.

“I found myself doing everything I resent in that kind of drinking culture: downing pints, being rowdy and watching Hugh Grant spill ale from his £200 loafers down his neck whilst doing a shoe.”

He added: “He was actually a pretty decent bloke—very well eloquent, very well mannered and witty, and looked people in the eye when he spoke with them, actually engaging with them.

“He bought everyone a pint in the bar—which obviously went down well.”

He also revealed what the actor thought of him: “He told me I looked like a ‘Piers Gav man’, which I can’t work out if he means I look like a seshlord or a drag queen.”

As can be seen in a Twitter video, Grant drank from a shoe while students chanted “I’ve never seen Hugh Grant do a shoe”.

More than a quarter of Oxford students don’t go clubbing

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More than quarter of students do not go out clubbing in Oxford, a C+ investigation has found.

Of the 655 students surveyed, 26 per cent reported that they did not go out each week, and across the University the average number of nights out per week was less than two.

When asked whether or not Oxford has a problematic drinking culture, only 21.1 per cent of respondents agreed.

The college which averaged the most nights out was Exeter, at 1.7 nights out per week. Keble and Brasenose took joint second place with 1.5 nights out, while the rest of the colleges responding were below this figure.

An Exeter Entz rep told Cherwell: “We’re just a bunch of loose blokes who put them away on a night out”.

The College recently made headlines, after students commenting on public Facebook groups alleged to take ketamine.

In addition, 24.5 per cent of Exeter students responding to the survey reported having taken drugs in a club in Oxford.

Merton, despite its reputation of being ‘where fun goes to die’, did not claim the bottom spot for average number of nights out per week. Instead, Merton students’ nightlife seems more in line with that of St Hugh’s, St Hilda’s, Balliol, and Corpus Christi. These colleges all averaged between 1.1 and 1.2 nights out per week.

The college with the least prolific clubbing culture was Mansfield, which averaged less than one night out per week.

JCR President Joe Inwood said he didn’t “recognise” the figures, adding: “I can only presume we were all too busy clubbing to answer the survey.”

When comparing these results to each college’s placement on the Norrington Table, there is a slight positive correlation between number of nights out per week and a higher Norrington Table ranking. This would suggest that, on average, going out more frequently can only be good for students’ results.

OUSU to fight university over “ridiculous” scholars gowns

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The future of scholars’ gowns hangs in the balance after Wednesday night’s OUSU Council meeting saw a narrow vote in favour of mandating the sabbatical officers to consult students on lobbying the University to change its sub fusc policy.

A consultation will be held, in the form of a non-binding poll sent to all students regarding the wearing of scholars’ gowns in examinations for top-achieving students. The motion will be presented again after the poll has taken place in the next council meeting, where a decision will be made as to OUSU’s formal position.

The motion passed with 21 voting in favour, 18 against and three abstaining.

The motion was proposed by Matilda Agace and Isobel Cockburn, both from Wadham College. Cockburn argued that the use of differential gowns can “cause quite a lot of stress” to candidates and that they “create an academically hierarchical environment”.

The motion further noted that prelims, following which a minority of students are awarded the more prestigious gowns for outstanding results, “are not an adequate measure of potential”.

The proposers cited evidence that points towards an observed negative impact that differential gown usage can have on the wider student population. This was particularly noted among women, BAME and disabled people who, in an OUSU Welfare survey, were found to be more likely to be “stressed” or “overwhelmed” at Oxford.

The motion noted that “the gender attainment gap at Oxford is the worst in the country”, which along with meant that OUSU and the University should be doing all they can to decrease stress around exams.

Speaking to Cherwell, Isobel Cockburn said: “The idea came about from discussions with friends before finals. Everyone (tutors included) seemed to agree that the notion of scholars’ gowns is ridiculous in 2017, as it promotes a visual display of superiority which is simply unnecessary.”

In 2014, while men made up 54 per cent of the undergraduate student body, they received 60 per cent of the firsts, whilst women made up 46 per cent of the student body and received only 40 per cent of the firsts.

Others at the meeting, however, suggested that although there may be a correlation between scholars gowns and anxiety, the gowns themselves were not the cause.

It was pointed out that during a similar referendum held on the future of sub fusc in 2014 it was argued that the formal dress acted as a “leveller” during examinations, and a starkly different gown seemed to make this submission less credible. Oxford is currently the only university in the country to have such a differentiated system of gowns for exams.

Scholars’ gowns are also awarded to students who receive organ or choral scholarships to attend the University.

The motion was not against the wearing of scholars’ gowns by eligible students at other occasions, such as at formal hall.

Speaking to Cherwell, Harrison Edmonds, a high-profile campaigner in the ‘Save Sub Fusc’ campaign of 2014, said: “A move to abolish scholars’ gowns, or subfusc and gowns more generally, from exams, risks abandoning some of the traditions that help make Oxford University what it is.

“Exams are a very stressful period of time, and [it is] entirely possible to opt out of wearing subfusc if you believe it will impact on your performance.”

University regulations already state that only the commoners’ gown should be worn for oral or viva exams. This followed a petition in 2016 which gained 553 signatures, warning that the wearing of scholars’ gowns during this type of examination could cause biased results.

A university spokesperson said it had not yet been notified by OUSU of the motion. “Academic dress for students is determined by the Vice- Chancellor in consultation with the Proctors,” they said.

The scout system at Oxford must be scrapped

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The Fay School is an independent, coeducational boarding school located near Boston, Massachusetts. It enrols students between grades seven to nine in a boarding program, that is, the British equivalent of years eight to ten. Among other things, Fay students are expected at that age (eleven through 14 years old) to take care of their own laundry, clean their own rooms, and dispose of their own trash, as they board year long as the school.

Who knew, that expecting a 12 year old to be able to manage a cordless handheld vacuum cleaner to suck up spilt ramen powder could be such an easy request? Apparently, Oxford’s colleges thinks much less of us, and that its students, the supposed best and brightest in all of Britain, if not the world, are less competent at cleaning up their crisp crumbs and bread dust than prepubescent children.

As we know, each college has their own system of housekeepers, known colloquially as scouts. Scouts perform a variety of housekeeping duties for each individual student’s room typically during morning hours. Scouts also clean and maintain a number of communal living areas, such as kitchens, bathrooms, and showers. The system has existed nearly as long as Oxford has, and well into the 60s and 70s, scouts were still openly referred to as “servants,” bringing bottles of milk to the doors of students.

To be fair, while Fay might not get parents rolling in to complain of the dreadful living conditions that their students might have to live in, it’s not entirely unimaginable to picture Oxford mothers railing one out at a college principal for daring to ask their child, god forbid, unclogs their own sink, is it? That being said, this comparison is wholly unnecessary. If we have reduced ourselves to asking each other to perform basic duties such as taking care of ourselves, the same way children half our size and age do, which apparently we have, we should actively recognise that there is something seriously wrong with the way the university is shaping our behaviour and expectations.

The claim, furthermore, that scouts fill a “necessary” role, is ludicrous. Imagine any other world-renowned institution telling its students that they need to hire cohorts upon cohorts of cleaners to vacuum their floors them and scrub their windows to a shine. They would be laughed at, as Oxford is. A concept straight out of Downtown Abbey, it is, and should be, considered an ancient practice. The practice continues, regrettably so, at Cambridge University, and Durham University, where they are otherwise known as “bedders.” Outside of these three universities, there is no equivalent at any other major educational institution in the entire world.

Why that is not concerning to the main body of administrators and students at Oxford, I will never understand. The former equivalent system at Trinity College Dublin, where scouts were known as “skips,” was abandoned in the 70s, when British civilisation also typically abandoned other archaic practices such as restricting university admission to men only. Apparently this idea of progress has been lost on Oxford. The idea that adults, or anyone over a reasonable age, cannot be expected to clean after themselves, and instead, require other grown adults to clean after them, in spaces as small as college rooms, is utterly absurd.

The system of scouts also removes any sense of privacy, and automatically places students and scouts on a hostile ground over this effect. As if the smattering of CCTV cameras that spy on every nook and cranny of your college were not enough, the scout system is the icing on the cake that reminds you that the college you live in will never truly be your home. We are forced to give daily access to our rooms. The positive spin is typically presented as the requirement for scouts and students to develop a “trusting” relationship. I suppose that is the best way of phrasing the concept of being forced to agree to a system in which the posessions of students, both valuable and not valuable, are constantly accessible. This, along with the fact that many days of the week, scouts often have nothing to do, combine to create a naturally toxic relationship between scouts and students.

This occurs especially potently when scouts have to deal with the vibrant community of the spoilt—they face mockery and judgment from students who are faced with the existential conundrum of wanting everything done for them, but at the same time, naturally desiring privacy over their baubles, and so the cooking pot of rage boils. Reports of students unleashing verbal tirades on scouts, who sometimes do not speak English as a first language and thus don’t even understand what is being said, are not unheard of. Fortunately, we can see colleges such as Jesus addressing the issue at hand properly, which have been reported in the past to force scouts to adopt ‘Anglicised’ names, and colleges such as Christ Church who have been reported to force their scouts to learn English. In this manner, these two wonderful colleges have ensured that the scouts can receive a good scolding from entitled students and understand it too!

If all of the above were not concerning enough, what we should be most shocked at is that many scouts are not even paid a living wage. The Oxford Living Wage, separated from the national living wage costs because of the ridiculously high costs of living in Oxford, is £8.93 per hour, below the London living wage of £9.75 per hour. Despite this having been made clear by the Oxford City Council numerous times over the past and visibly declared on their online platforms, Oxford continues to pay its scouts below the Oxford Living Wage. More than 2,000 employers in Oxfordshire have signed up to the living wage scheme, and yet, according to vacancies advertised online, most colleges continue to pay their scouts below said wage. Hertford, which I regret to mention, because I suspect that they pay their scouts above the par in comparison to most other colleges, pay their scouts £8.45 an hour. It is reported that numerous other colleges continue to pay their scouts £7.85 an hour.

Harvard students famously campaigned for living wages for their own staff between 1998 and 2002. This past autumn, 750 workers went on strike, with the support of numerous student groups, to protest minimum wages that were not considered enough to afford a decent living, i.e. below the living wage. As a result, numerous dining halls closed all over Harvard, with the majority of the students on campus standing in solidarity with the workers, until the protest ended all dining halls return to normal operation. Unfortunately, I have the disappointment in believing that the same protest could never happen at Oxford, understandably so, as students study in one of the shortest year long undergraduate programmes ever, with tiny eight week terms.

The existence of terrible treatment outside of already terrible wages is no conspiracy. In a Cherwell investigation two years ago, incidents reported from scouts all over Oxford including instances of being forced to work from nine to 11 overtime with no compensation or apology, contracts that prevent scouts from having a lunch break, scouts forced to wear makeup and skirts, and persistent harassment from managers. Scouts themselves also lack the capacity to bargain or even remotely protest. The scouts at Oxford certainly have not unionised, and I suspect that they fully lack the ability to do so.

Reports at Jesus College of the harassment of scouts and the complete denial and gaslighting of scout concerns goes towards this belief. It is also well understood that scouts often refrain from discussing their wages or their working conditions in fear of losing their job, a state that no person should have to experience.

Finally, it is listed as a final resort, often by college principals themselves who relish in receiving housekeeping in their own college accommodations to free up time for their exhausting duties as revered heads of colleges of Oxford, that the colleges need tending to over the holidays. It is heavily ironic that college principals deliver platitudinous sermon after sermon about how learning takes precedence above all at that their colleges are first and foremost institutions of learning. If I were a wanderer with no prior knowledge of the colleges, I would not be able to tell the difference between most colleges at Oxford, and vaguely colonial hotels.

Then again, when colleges become displayed on TripAdvisor and get five star ratings for services, I begin to question myself if I am in a college that I am supposed to call my home, or a Hilton stuffed with tutors and an only somewhat meaningful history. How different really, are term stays from eight-week bookings at the Marriot?

The system of scouts makes a laughing stock out of the University of Oxford and each of its individual colleges. I would say that it contributes to the outsider picture of Oxford students as posh and spoilt that puts so many off even bothering to apply, but how far would that picture really be from reality? How the system remains to the present day confuses me because I thought that the university had moved past inflting the egos of the talcum-powdered brats that genuinely believe that less time spent scrubbing the mirror clean of last night’s spilt Dom Perignon means more time reading Isaiah Berlin and Sartre. Apparently, this is not the case. Get a grip, Oxford.

Editor: An earlier version of this article made unsubstantiated allegations of trafficking which have now been removed.