Tuesday 15th July 2025
Blog Page 254

The World According to Rusty… Week 3

This mildly comedic column has been written by a drag queen agony aunt. It is not for the faint hearted and contains sensitive topics which may cause distress to some readers. Be prepared for themes of carefully orchestrated murder, porn addiction, and pimping out twinks for a bit of spare cash.


Are you waking up in the middle of the night, dripping in sweat from night terrors about your father? Are you having repeated visions of him on all fours, with the limbs of a horse and the cock of a marginally smaller horse? Are you longing for the sweet release of top-tier Australian ketamine to forget about these nightmares? If so, get some help – I’m not a clinical psychologist and you sound like you might be a bit fucked up.

Rusty Kate is Oxford’s premier cum-filled crossdresser, known for delivering incredible shows all across the city (even if she doesn’t remember them the next day). She’s taken time out of her busy schedule being the country’s leading expert on intrusive prostate examination in men over 70 and wanking over the bullying scenes in Heartstopper to write this column. Seriously, she’s running out of ideas for this.

Remember to submit your questions through linktr.ee/rustykatedrag – there you can also buy mugs with her face on. It’s the closest you’ll ever get to having your lips around her.

My boyfriend snores and it makes it really hard to sleep at night. It frustrates me to no end, but every time I bring it up with him, he (rightly) says he can’t help it – what can I do to sort it out? I need some sleep!


This will require some carefully considered, level-headed actions which benefit the both of you. Smother him. Not in kisses, not in love, not in the affection your mother never provided (which is why you’re with him in the first place), but with the cold, sweet release of asphyxiation. He won’t even feel it – especially with the amount of ketamine you’ll have pumped through his system.
Yes, funerals are always hard and emotionally draining, but start dropping hints to his close friends and family that he has a bit of a drinking problem. Play the part of the remarkably well-adjusted mourning widow – it’s your only choice. The sweet, night-time melodies of your traumatised sub-conscious, begging for forgiveness for this heinous act, will be much easier to cope with once the snoring has finally ceased.


I think my partner is addicted to porn. They’ve told me before that they watch it on a daily basis, and they consistently struggle to climax when we’re getting intimate – how do I address this with them without making them feel even worse?


You don’t. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, and my OnlyFans can’t take the hit right now. It’s the only thing standing between me and the bailiffs. Don’t make me start filming the videos myself – it’s much more convenient to drug twinks in G-A-Y Late, pump them with speed and make them shag until dawn than it is to try and film yourself topping. It’s remarkably expensive to start a GHB-based twink drugging scheme, especially post-Brexit (my imports are down 30%). Support queer business, and use discount code LUSTY KATE to receive 5 videos for the price of 6.

A love letter to Marseille

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450 miles south of Paris and the same distance across the Mediterranean from Algiers, a mere afternoon’s drive to the Spanish and Italian borders, at the beginning of the Côte d’Azur, trapped between the mountains and the sea, lies France’s second largest city. Marseille, my home for the last nine months.

Marseille is a theatrical city, a city that has never failed to conjure strong opinions from our neighbours across the channel. One of my favourites is that of 18th century revolutionary Louis-Marie Stanislas Fréron who proclaimed it to be “beyond cure, save for a massive deportation of all its inhabitants and a transfusion of men from the north.”  Another favourite is a more loving description from Marseillais playwright, poet and novelist Jean-Claude Izzo, who writes of “its eternity, a utopia. The only utopia in the world. A place where anyone, of whatever colour, could get off a boat or a train, his case in his hand, without any money in his pocket, and melt into the wave of other people. A city where as soon as he put his foot on the ground, this man could say ‘Here it is: I’m home’.”

So why has this beautiful and chaotic city been dividing, baffling, enticing, angering and fascinating people for centuries?

France’s oldest city, often donned the Phocaean city, was colonised by Greeks from Phocaea in what is now Turkey, as Massalia, in 600 BC. There is, however, strong evidence of an earlier Gaulish society here. From its first days, it has been impossible to pinpoint who makes up Marseille. Over the next 2600 years the city would see various waves of immigrants from rural France, Catalonia and Spain, Italy, the south and eastern Mediterranean, North Africa, West Africa. Rough statistics (in France it is illegal to collect data about ethnicity) tell us that around 200,000 of Marseille’s almost 900,000 inhabitants have Maghbrebian heritage.

In many respects, it is a Mediterranean city before it is a French one. It is also not uncommon to feel as though allegiance is to city rather than to country, with many of its inhabitants feeling ‘Marseillais’ rather than ‘French’.  People in bars are quick to tell you that their grandmother is Spanish or Moroccan or Napolese, that they love Marseille and that they have nothing to do with Paris.

I have found it to be an exceptionally welcoming place, something I don’t think can be said for a lot of France, typically speaking at least. Some Parisiens might still mutter or snigger disdain about Marseille. But let there be no mistake – the laughter is louder on the other side. The anti-Paris, anti-Macron, anti-establishment feeling is palpable.

Marseille is halfway between Paris and Algiers, literally and in spirit. Generally, the immigrant communities are remarkably harmonious, compared to some of its other European rivals, but the situation must not be over romanticised. Heralded as the ‘gateway to the empire’ by the French colonial enterprise, Marseille benefited enormously from imperial trade. Yet it was also often seen from the north as just as exotic as the African and Asian colonies the boats departed to from its famous port. The huge, grand steps of St Charles train station are still adorned with sculptures depicting the exotic riches of French colonies. Today, poorer areas of the city are disproportionately populated by immigrant communities and unemployment rates are high.

France is plagued by right-wing press and politicians who talk about Marseille losing its European identity. These kinds of articles, in magazines such as Le Causeur, often make the error of insinuating that immigration and cultural diversity is a recent phenomenon for the city… There is documentation about trade between Marseille and North Africa long before the invasion of Algeria in 1830. There are records of language courses in Arabic attended by French merchants since 1670. This kind of negative press also suggests division in the city. However, in Marseille there are no outlying segregated banlieues circling the city as in many French metropoles, but different communities are found dotted all across the city, mingling.

In the city’s 16 arrondissements there is an astounding diversity of atmosphere. A mere 30-minute walk from one neighbourhood to another might entirely transport you.

Noailles, generally known as the Arabic quarter, home to the daily market on the Rue du Marché-des-Capucins, nicknamed ‘le ventre de Marseille’ (‘the stomach of Marseille’), is located a stone’s throw from the tourist hub of the Vieux Port and the chain shopping streets. People from every corner of Marseille’s immigrant community gather in Noailles’ labyrinthine streets to sell and buy spices, tea, meat, ceramics, fabrics, duty free cigarettes for 75 cents and anything and everything else in the souk-like daily market. The area traverses Marseille’s historic thoroughfare, La Canebiere, and continues up to the Porte d’Aix, the slightly bizarre miniature Arc de Triomphe, by way of the Cours Belsunce, lined with the best falafel, kebab, couscous and mint tea shops on the continent and the beautiful Bibliotheque Alcazar, jazz age music hall turned public library.

Wandering slightly beyond Noailles, you’ll find yourself in Cours Julien and La Plaine – the arty, on-its-way-to-being-gentrified, liveliest neighbourhood in Marseille. In any three nights here you might watch a play in the tiny Théâtre Carré Rond, see a live jazz musician in Soma, and pry a glass from one of the sticky tables of Au Petit Nice to drink your €1 tequila or €1.60 rosé. On a Wednesday morning you’ll be greeted by the farmers market and a flurry of young people with piercings handing you leaflets for music events.

There is a restaurant from probably every country on the planet, clothes, and antiques to buy from every decade and not a blank patch of wall thanks to the endless colourful graffiti. For those that want to dance, La Friche(translated as ‘wasteland or ‘wilderness’) is a former tobacco factory a few neighbourhoods on, in Belle de Mai, converted into a veritable cultural jungle. Boules and pastis (Marseille’s famous yellow aniseed liquor), indie cinemas, author panels, exhibitions, skate-boarding and street dancing by day precede DJs at the revered warehouse-clubs Le Chapiteauand Cabaret Aléatoire, showcasing some of Marseille’s freshest music collectives. Art, literature and music are part of the fabric of Marseille, and always have been; its title as European City of Culture in 2013 bears testament.

Les quartiers nords, ‘the northern districts’, are the poorest and most stigmatised areas of Marseille, and often the only areas people have heard of or that make the national or international press, hence the dangerous and troubled image of the city. They are the areas we are told never to go to, the areas that make people nervous. The sensationalist media representation, as well as films, recently Bac Nord and Shéhérazade (beautiful films nonetheless) are what generally paint the image of the city. I do not seek to deny the difficulties faced by these neighbourhoods – Marseille’s 3rd Arrondissement is the poorest in Europe – but the vilifying, fearful or patronising approach is no way of combating them.

Le Panier, Marseille’s oldest district, located on the north bank of the port, now a touristy area filled with too-smart graffiti and oil painting or jewellery ateliers, was once known for its Italian and Corsican mafia. It is rumoured that much of the property in the area is still owned by a few families. These immigrant groups settled in the area and saw a rise in organised crime, inspiring the film The French Connection, which depicts a million-dollar heroin smuggling incident.

Ever a place of contrast, Marseille is also home to some of the most idyllic and increasingly desired places to live in the country, being located on the sea and boasting the top spot as the sunniest place in France. Malmousque and the rest of the 7th and 8th arrondissements to the south of the city, on the rocky, sparkling blue coastline, without the polished expense of the Côte d’Azur, have seen their house prices gradually rising for the last few years. The tiny fishing villages that used to constitute the outskirts of the city have retained their rural feeling and the rest of the metropolis has simply sprung up around them. These neighbourhoods are quiet, picturesque, yet less than 30 minutes from the city centre.

Marseille has a unique energy and a buzz; maybe the negative image doesn’t matter because ‘at least it will be free of tourists and Parisiens’, a local, jokingly ironic dream. People have spent their lives writing books or, more characteristically, deep in discussion on terasses in the sunshine, pastis and a cigarette in hand, trying to figure out Marseille, so I’m certainly not going to in just a year. But I feel very lucky to have been granted the time to explore it and become somewhat enamoured of it in the process.

Image credit: Siân Lawrence.

“Sorrow and birthday cake” – Review: Mojo

CW: drugs.

50s rock ‘n’ roll, seedy clubs, pill-popping gangsters – Jez Butterworth’s Mojo has it all. Nocturne Productions’ staging of this 1995 play, directed by Max Morgan at the Michael Pilch Studio in third week, lives up to the sleek grittiness of the nightclub scene in 1950s Soho, where gang strife, self-interest, and drugs collide to disastrous effect.

As the audience came into the Pilch, we were transported from the streets of Oxford into the chic and sinister interior of the Atlantic Club. A couple of whiskey bottles and playing cards, and a sickly-sweet cake, lie on a table in the centre of Teagan Riches’ set, and the walls were decorated with silver tinsel fringe banners, capturing the glitzy sheen which disguised the reality of club corruption in the 50s. For opening night, guests were encouraged by a Facebook post from Nocturne Productions to come in an outfit as part of the dress code of “50s-Soho-Kit-Kat-Club”. A marketing power move, for sure – the Pilch was buzzing with an audience ready to be immersed in the thrill of the evening. And what a thrill it would be.

Mojo tells of two gang leaders from different nightclubs bound in bloody discord over Silver Johnny (Izzy Lever), a sensation on the rock ‘n’ roll scene who is destined for stardom. Caught in the centre of this fight between the big-dogs are Potts (Leah Aspden), Sweets (Emma Pollock), and Skinny (Sam Thomas), who, following the brutal murder of their leader Ezra, are driven witless with fear for their lives in a world which is anything but gentle. With the addition of Ezra’s menacing son Baby (Noah Radcliffe-Adams), as well as Mickey (Stepan Mysko von Schultze), Ezra’s second-in-command who is burdened with trying to figure out their next move, the gang’s unity against their common foe is compromised by internal conflicts.

Butterworth’s script is bursting with opportunities to portray scenes of high tension, and the production takes on each one with a riveting conviction. To say that Mojo is suspenseful would be an understatement – the audience was gripped for the duration of the play. Particularly tense dialogues are punctuated by a beat played by drummer Will Wilson, heightening the chilling crescendo of scenes like the delivery of an ominous silver box which may or may not contain the confirmation of their worst fears.

The cast is fantastic. Although it would have been easy to fall into a caricaturesque portrayal of Butterworth’s larger-than-life characters, each actor embodies their role with a nuance never verging on the farcical. In the play’s most explosive moments, their emotions collide and coalesce to heart-stopping effect, reflecting the disturbing inevitability of the chaos caused when drugs and fear mingle.

Thomas is wholly believable as Skinny, one of the more timid members of the group who shrinks under Baby’s psychotic dominance. Indeed, the clashing dynamic between Skinny and Baby is one of the most entertaining to follow, with Skinny’s indignant gutlessness evoking sympathy in the face of Baby’s brutish bullying (and in the face of his cutlass).  

Having seen Radcliffe-Adams in A² Productions’ staging of Harold Pinter’s The Dumb Waiter in Hilary term, I had high expectations for his portrayal of Baby in Mojo. Eerily composed throughout the play, and delivering his lines in calm, steady tones, Baby’s nonchalance resounds unsettlingly against the others’ paranoia. Aspden and Pollock make a hilarious pair as Potts and Sweets, their quarrels over baked goods underscoring the greater turmoil that is at hand. Mysko von Schultze’s Mickey is by turns domineering and meek, trying to conceal how shaken up he is by the threat posed to the gang, and, especially, to him.

The cast handles the dark humour of Mojo with a master’s stroke. The line “my piss is black” (from the new-fangled pills they have been taking) has as much oomph by the time it has been said for the umpteenth time by the umpteenth character as it does the first time.

Allegiances are shaken and questioned, betrayal occurs to the worst degree, and there is blood, blood, blood. Potts laments that he’s had “nothing but sorrow and birthday cake since sun up”, which fittingly encapsulates the essence of Mojo.

You would not guess that this is Nocturne Productions’ first show. Mojo has set the bar high for their upcoming productions, and has proved that they are a vibrant new student theatre company to look out for.

Image credit: Biba Jones (@bibasketches)

University 2021 admissions report: smaller cohort, more diversity

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The University of Oxford published its fifth annual admissions report in May 2022, providing a summary of undergraduate admissions data ranging from overall numbers and domicile to nationality, disadvantage, school type, gender, ethnicity and disability. 

The University admitted 3,298 undergraduates in 2021, returning to a smaller cohort after exceptional arrangements for awarding qualifications in response to the pandemic led to a much larger class (3,695 students) being admitted in 2020. These 3,298 admitted students were whittled down from a pool of 24,338 total applications in 2021, of which 3,555 received offers from the University for an offer rate of 14.6%.

The report took care to highlight the changing profile of Oxford’s undergraduate student body. Over the past five years, the proportion of students admitted from state schools rose from 58.0% in 2017 to 68.2% in 2021 — although the proportion was 68.6% in 2020. Students from the most socio-economically disadvantaged areas increased from 11% of 2017 admits to 17% in 2021 (compared to 15.9% in 2020). The percentage of students identifying as Black and Minority Ethnic increased from 18% five years ago to 23.6% in 2020 and 25% in 2021. Students declaring a disability increased from 8% in 2017 to 12% in 2021. And the proportion of women rose from 50% in 2017 to 55% in 2021. Overall application numbers have increased every year and by a total of 22% since 2017.

In her foreword, Vice-Chancellor Professor Louise Richardson attributed these changes in part to the expansion of Oxford’s flagship UNIQ access programme for state school students, as well as the bridging program Opportunity Oxford. In 2022, the University will also launch the Astrophoria Foundation Year, for “those with high potential whose education has been severely disrupted,” according to the report.

However, Richardson also noted concern about the steep decline in students admitted from the European Union (EU), even though the University expected a decline due to the changing fee regime brought about by Brexit. (Oliver Hall reports in more detail below.)

Computer Science was the course with the highest number of applicants per place for the period 2019-2021, at 18.6, with Economics & Management close behind at 18.1 applicants per place. Mathematics & Computer Science, Medicine, and Biomedical Sciences followed not far behind at 12.5, 11.8, and 10.9 respectively. 

Using the ACORN and POLAR demographic systems to assess UK population by level of socio-economic advantage, the report found that History & Politics and Law were the courses to admit the highest proportion of students from the two most disadvantaged areas (26.8% and 25.0% respectively). Materials Science and Theology & Religion were the two courses with the lowest proportion of admits from the most disadvantaged areas (9.1% and 10.0% respectively). These data were aggregated from 2019-2021.

The same measure revealed that Mansfield College (23.2%) and Worcester College (22.0%) had the highest proportions of UK students admitted from the two most socio-economically disadvantaged areas, and Lincoln College (7.2%) and Merton College (11.1%) had the lowest among 29 of the undergraduate-admitting colleges at Oxford that were included in the assessment. 

In terms of the proportion of UK state school students admitted, Mathematics & Computer Science had the highest (83.6%) and Classics the lowest (40.9%). The report notes that some courses attract more applications per available place than others, and UK state students apply disproportionately for the most oversubscribed subjects. On average, 38.2% of state applications from 2019-2021 were for five of the most oversubscribed subjects at Oxford (Economics & Management, Medicine, PPE, Law, and Mathematics), compared to 31.4% of independent applications. Only 12.3% of state applications went towards five of the least oversubscribed subjects (Classics, Music, Modern Languages, Chemistry, and English). 

Likewise, individual colleges receive differing proportions of applicants from state versus independent schools. The proportion of UK state school students admitted was highest at Mansfield College (94.8%) and lowest at St. Peter’s College (55.6%) from 2019-2021.  

The admissions report can be read in full here.

Image credit: Estelle Atkinson

In Conversation with Dr Luke Evans MP

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CW: eating disorders, body image issues, dysmorphia

I interviewed Dr Luke Evans, the Member of Parliament for Bosworth, on a cold London morning via Zoom. As a pro-Brexit MP from the 2019 intake, he has consistently voted with the party whip on issues ranging from immigration to the Owen Paterson affair. However, he stands out in one particular respect: in his short time as an MP, he has championed campaigns surrounding body image, anorexia, and self-esteem, particularly among young people. As a result, he has as a private member of the commons introduced the Digitally Altered Images Bill, which if passed into law would require advertisers, broadcasters, and publishers to display a disclaimer in cases where an image of a human body or body part has been digitally altered in its proportions for commercial purposes. I was curious to know more about what caused him to pursue this noble, if somewhat under-discussed, cause.

As his title suggests, Evans’ background is in the medical industry; he worked as a doctor for over a decade before becoming an MP, and discusses how in his practice he saw the extent of young people’s discomfort with their physical appearance. He cites a 2017 study, which showed that just 16% of girls between 11-16 felt ‘very happy’ with their appearance. Among young men, 35% aged between 13 and 19 reported “often” or “always” being worried about their physical appearance, and at least 1 in 3 teenagers felt “shame” about their body. 

While some insecurity about physical appearance can be a natural part of growing up, Evans tells me that he attributes the steep rise in body dysmorphia, particularly among teens, to the omnipresence of social media, and particularly the rise of digitally altered images. As a result, during his time as a GP, Evans witnessed a growing number of young people who sought consultations on plastic surgery or other cosmetic procedures to change their appearance to conform better with conventional standards of attractiveness. 

Evans’ bill, if passed, would not ban the alteration of such images. Rather, it would mandate in law that such images display a disclaimer that states that they have been changed. Evans cites that in the same 2017 study, 88% of girls aged between 11-21 supported his proposal. 

I ask if mandating such a disclaimer conflicts with traditional free-market and anti-regulation conservative principles. Evans responds by saying that while he supports the principle of limited regulation, consumers must be informed about the content of what they see online. “You’ve got corporates spending millions of pounds on retouching these images; how can individuals be protected or informed in such an environment?” he says. He also notes that a similar proposal has already been successfully enacted into law in Norway, and in 2017 France passed a similar measure pertaining to images that were altered to make their subjects look thinner.

As Evans is not a member of the government, his proposal takes the form of a Private Member’s Bill, which is notoriously slow to pass the three Commons readings and then move to the Lords. While it passed first reading in September of 2020, it has not since then progressed further. I ask him whether he is concerned that it may stall during the remainder of this parliament, which is unlikely to last much longer than another two years. Evans tells me that the government has been highly supportive of his initiative, and is looking to include it as part of the Online Harms Bill. This bill has already been introduced to the House as part of government business, and is therefore much more likely to be passed expeditiously. Evans has found support across political parties for the initiative; it was seconded by the Chair of the Parliamentary Labour Party John Cryer and the Liberal Democrat MP Wera Hobhouse. I can’t help but think that in an age of hugely increased polarisation and partisan rancour, this is an impressive achievement. 

Just before the world shut down in March 2020, Evans stated in the House of Commons that “we are creating a digitally warped reality, striving for bodies that can never be achieved”. His words continue to ring true today, and it was a pleasure to discuss his initiative with him. 

Image credit: David Woolfall/CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons – image background removed 

Beat provides information and support for anyone affected by an eating disorder. You can call their student helpline at 0808 801 0811, or visit them at beateatingdisorders.org.uk.

St Catz college dog gives birth to puppies

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St Catherine’s college dog, who is aptly named Catherine, has just given birth to four puppies.

Catherine, a cocker spaniel, “really hit it off” with Tommy, a dog of the same breed. Together, they have had three female pups and one male. 

Tommy
Catherine

At the moment, the names of the puppies are undecided, but Kersti Börjars, the Master of St Catherine’s college and owner of Catherine the dog, will seek suggestions from students.   

However, since the puppies will need to be registered with Kennel Club, they will also need Kennel Club names. Kersti says that these names “have to be quite fancy”: Catherine’s Kennel Club name is Eldrid Beautiful Fire, and her mother is Swanmarch Who’s that Lady. 

Kersti will be keeping one of the girls, and two of the other puppies have already found homes (one will be staying within the Catz family). 

Catherine and puppies

Kersti said of the puppy rearing process: “I have never been involved in a dog giving birth before, we have just had kittens, but a cat really looks after it all themselves. In preparation for the birth, I read a book that had been recommended to me. It is called The Book of the Bitch, so not something you leave out on the coffee table. It did a good job of preparing me, but there was quite a lot about ‘what to do if things go wrong’, which made me a little nervous. In the end, it all went well, seeing the first puppy come out safely was really quite exciting.

“The owner of Catherine’s mother was very helpful via Whatsapp throughout the process, and I had two colleagues with me who happened to be there when it started, and it was nice not to be alone with Catherine as she did need a little help. Still, I am amazed by how much is pre-programmed into a dog; she knew how to get them out of the little bubble they are born in, how to cut the umbilical cord, etc.”

Catherine herself is reported to have bounced back from the birth and has been sighted galloping around the college grounds in high spirits. Kersti said: “She is now feeding [the puppies] and cleaning them exactly as she should. She will leave them for short periods, but then she will dash back.”

Although Kersti doesn’t think that she wants Catherine to have another round of puppies, the female pup that they are keeping could have some herself in the future. 

Currently, Catherine is on maternity leave from her wellbeing dog duties. However, the students of St Catz will be thrilled to hear that there will be visiting hours to see the puppies when they are a little older. 

One of the puppies

Image Credit: catherinethecollegedog via Instagram

Oxford University introduces Foundation Year for disadvantaged students

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In a press release last Wednesday, May 4th, the university announced the creation of the Astrophoria Foundation Year. This one-year course of study will serve as an introduction to Oxford study and life for state-school students with high academic potential who have had their education severely disrupted. 

Funded by a significant anonymous gift from a long-time donor to the university, this program will be entirely free to participants, giving scholarships for study and accommodation fees as well as supplementary bursaries. 

To be considered for admission, students will need to obtain As and Bs across their A-levels, with precise offers depending on their desired course, and demonstrate socio-economic, school, and personal need. As well, they will need to submit a UCAS application and an additional Foundation-Year specific questionnaire. 

Fifty students will be accepted to this program, spread across ten colleges. St Hugh’s, Keble, Jesus, Lady Margaret Hall, Exeter, Mansfield, Somerville, St Anne’s, Trinity, and Wadham will welcome students on one of four tracks: Humanities (Classics, History, English, and Theology); Chemistry, Engineering and Materials Science; Philosophy, Politics, and Economics (PPE) or Law. The teaching program will also include tailored academic and welfare support. 

Participating colleges also have specific learning development and welfare programs in place to assist the new students. After completing the year and meeting a certain standard of academic achievement the students will receive a Certificate in Higher Education (CertHE). They can then choose to continue on with an undergraduate degree at Oxford or apply to another university.

The Astrophoria program comes after the success of Lady Margaret Hall’s pilot Foundation Year program, which has been running since 2016. Founded to help increase access to Oxford for students from diverse and underrepresented backgrounds, LMH’s Foundation Year has allowed bright individuals to succeed in university studies despite significant disadvantages in their secondary school education. According to LMH, the first two cohorts have maintained a good standard of academics throughout their degree, with two graduating with First Class honours, ten with 2:1s, and one with a 2:2. 

It is no coincidence that many former women’s colleges are taking part in the Astrophoria program, with staff from both St Hughs and Sommerville hoping to build upon their colleges’ legacy of inclusion by participating in this program.

Similarly, the university is hoping to continue “broadening the socio-economic backgrounds of [their] undergraduate students”, according to Vice-Chancellor of Oxford University, Professor Louise Richardson. There has been success in recent years, both in terms of increasing the percentage of BAME students and students from disadvantaged, underrepresented backgrounds admitted, still the university and participating colleges acknowledge that access for promising students remains an area of improvement. 

St Hugh’s College touts the Astrophoria Foundation year as “effective opportunities to improve access”. The name of the program, a combination of “Astro”, reminiscent of the program’s “rising stars” and of the major donor’s last name, reflects this hope.

The first cohort will be welcomed to Oxford at the beginning of Michaelmas 2023.

Image Credit: Nils Lindner

A green scream machine at Queen’s – Review: Little Shop of Horrors

CW: abuse.

TW: blood.

In the 600-odd years since The Queen’s College was founded, its gardens have been missing a certain something. It wasn’t entirely clear what that something was – but on Wednesday night, the mystery was finally solved. Queen’s needed a sassy, singing carnivorous plant. In drag. 

In case you’re confused, the annual Queen’s College garden musical, Little Shop of Horrors, opened on Wednesday of third week. Little Shop is a cult classic, no doubt owing to its magical combination of campy horror and a be-bop soundtrack. For the Eglesfield Musical Society – who have not put on a garden musical since 2019  – Little Shop was the perfect choice. As director Ollie Khurshid puts it, “Where else would you perform Little Shop except amongst the plants?”

The story begins in urban Skid Row. Seymour Krelborn (Cormac Diamond), a nebbish orphan, works in Mushnik’s Skid Row Florist alongside the lovely but underconfident Audrey (Eva Bailey). Mushnik (Declan Ryder) announces that the failing florist shop must close its doors, but help arrives in the form of a “strange and interesting plant,” which Seymour has obtained through some shady business dealings. Seymour dubs the plant Audrey II. 

Soon, everyone wants to come see Audrey II, and business at Mushnik’s Florist is booming. But there’s a problem – well, a few problems. Seymour is struggling to deal with his sudden success as an “experimental botanist.” Audrey is showing up to work with black eyes, courtesy of her dentist boyfriend Orin Scrivello (Alfred Dry). Worst of all, Seymour is getting a little anaemic – because, you see, Audrey II is the sort of plant that drinks blood. 

How does Seymour know? Audrey II (Jelani Munroe) told him so. 

Putting a giant plant onstage is no easy feat. Chalk this production’s success up to the fantastic puppet design by Khurshid, performance by puppeteer Harry Brook – and, of course, Jelani Munroe, who plays Audrey II upon her mid-show transformation from plant to botanical drag queen. Depicting Audrey II in drag was an inspired choice. Munroe is perfectly pouty, a temptress par excellence, with a steamroller of a singing voice. 

Diamond, as Seymour, delivers a nuanced performance, pinned between his love for Audrey and fear of Audrey II. He’s a remarkable vocalist; it’s hard to play Seymour as a good singer while coming across as sufficiently nerdy, which is what Diamond achieves here. Eva Bailey shines as Audrey, her head low and her hopes high, and a soaring voice to boot. She and Diamond are the perfect tag team, working together to carry the emotional load of the play. Dry as Orin Scrivello is sensational, the Marquis de Sade with a dental drill; while Mushnik, played by Ryder, has amazing comedic timing, weird dad energy, and a better New York accent than most New Yorkers. 

The show is narrated by a trio of street urchins, in three-part harmony. Crystal (Gabriella Ewulomi) is strong and sweet-voiced. Chiffon (Arya Nagwani) is a miracle ball of energy. And Ronette’s (Maya Sankaran) facial expressions are perhaps the funniest thing in the whole musical, if you can catch them.

The production team deserves commendation for Little Shop’s red-and-green colour palette. Khurshid’s set design is a wonder, from the green drapes to the pyrotechnics, and Phebe McManamon is a graphic designer to watch, judging by the show’s gorgeous programme. The lighting design by Penelope Hilder Jarvis is evocative, especially the use of red and green to correspond with characters’ emotional shifts. And Audrey II’s dress, courtesy of Ollie Khurshid, a fluffy confection of green tulle with a gaping red underskirt, is about as suggestive as you’d imagine. Wrap this all up with a blisteringly talented live band, directed by Isaac Adni, and you have theatrical success. 

This Little Shop makes its audience laugh about death. That’s not so hard when the murderer is a sassy, sarcastic, soul-singing plant in drag. When Robert de Eglesfield founded Queen’s College, this may not have been what he had in mind, but I like to think he’d appreciate it.

Little Shop of Horrors continues its run in the Queen’s College Gardens until 14th May. Tickets are available here

“Hide the babies” – Review: Girls and Dolls

CW: abuse. 

There’s been a recent uptick in global awareness of the history of Northern Ireland. We can trace it back, roughly, to 2018. That’s when Lisa McGee’s hit TV series Derry Girls, which chronicles the tribulations of growing up in Derry during the Troubles, arrived on screens worldwide; and just like that, Northern Ireland became the object of cultural fascination.

McGee, the show’s creator, is a dab hand at arts activism, each of her projects bringing new awareness to the political and social struggles of her home country. Her play Girls and Dolls is no exception. A² Productions opened Girls and Dolls in week 3 at the Burton Taylor Studio; the beautifully wrought play, directed by Kaveri Parekh and Bella Simpson, represents a triumph for new voices in Oxford drama. 

In fact, neither of the show’s two actors have ever trodden the boards at this university – but you wouldn’t know it from their performances. The show revolves around the friendship of two girls, Emma and Clare, in 1980s Northern Ireland. We see their interactions with the townsfolk, from feisty pensioners Mags and Josie to the foul-mouthed shopkeeper Dessie. There are lots of characters, lots of plotlines, and they’re all depicted by this two-woman acting team. 

Take Sylvie Leggatt, who plays Clare, but also puts in time as a gruff adolescent boy, a lonely old man with a bevy of greyhounds, and an aggressively Catholic aunt. McGee is not the only playwright that uses a small number of actors for a large number of characters, but she asks a ton of her actors: this is one of the most demanding two-handers I’ve seen. Yet the women in this production take up the mantle with enthusiasm, a pair of bodies weaving the tale of an entire community. 

Emma Haran, as Emma, practically spits sparks, throwing herself around the stage with full dedication to the small dramas of girlhood. She pops her hip, tosses her hair, and shoves others off the swings. Haran is skilled in manipulating her physicality to colour her performance, especially when she is changing character rapidly from, say, an arthritic old woman to a springy young girl. 

Leggatt as Clare, in contrast, is all loose limbs and big eyes, gesturing to the weight of Clare’s years of abuse by her father. It’s a touching performance that gains an edge when Leggatt gathers momentum in the play’s second half, and Clare becomes a danger to those around her. Let’s just say that the neighbour has a baby, and Clare does not like babies. It would have been all too easy for Leggatt to fall into the trope of evil-kid-in-horror-film, with bouncing pigtails and sinister grin, but Leggatt brings nuance to Clare’s disintegration, showing us a girl who is trying, and failing, to do the right thing. 

Under the show’s sheen of nostalgia – treehouse-building, 80s tunes – Girls and Dolls is a startling look at how a community can crush its children. One scene features armed men overwhelming Emma and Clare’s town. Someone’s dog is shot, and Emma stares at the corpse. Local and national tensions combine into a potent elixir; potent enough to transform one of the girls, by the end of the show, into a self-confessed ‘monster’.

The creation of a monster is a disturbing thing to watch, especially when that monster is small, red-headed, and scared. But if Girls and Dolls disturbs as much as it delights, that’s a testament to the skill of its creative team. It’s good to see fresh talent on the Oxford stage, telling a story that’s in tune with the zeitgeist. We can only hope that A² Productions continues the streak. 

For now, it’s enough to enjoy Girls and Dolls’ tart message: love your friends for all their psychological baggage. But hide the babies.

Girls and Dolls continues its run in the BT Studio until 14th May. Tickets are available here.

Disappointing and passionless: The Met Gala 2022 review

Another year has passed, and another year I am unfortunately disappointed by the Met Gala’s red carpet. Ever since the stunning response to the 2018 theme of Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, the collective looks have not delivered. However, this year, Gilded Glamour and White Tie, was particularly disappointing, especially as there was so much design promise from the theme. From crinoline and corsets to gigot sleeves and the bustle, there was so much to play with, and that’s only mentioning women’s fashion of the period. The theme, or lack of it in some cases, does raise questions about its appropriateness, the rose-tinted presentation of the period and the necessity to respond to themes.

From the outset, the theme was in the hot seat regarding its celebration of prosperity and luxury in a time of economic and political instability and uncertainty. I think this is a valid argument to have, of course, but I feel like the Met Gala and out-of-touch are pretty much synonymous. I don’t expect Anna Wintour or many of the celebrities to have much consideration for the real world when they host an event that has tickets costing over $30 000. Still, I was slightly disturbed by the celebration of the ‘Gilded Age’ following the American Civil War and its prosperity when it was only golden for a few. As much as there was economic prosperity, the healing of a nation divided by civil war was paid for by Lincoln’s Republican party giving up on African American rights. The first Ku Klux Klan was active during the Gilded Age, the Great Sioux War was also in the 1870s, and the Wounded Knee Massacre in 1890. I don’t think everything has to be political, and people do not owe a political statement every time they enter any spotlight, but I think I would have appreciated a more complex presentation of a time which showed that not all that glitters is gold. Riz Ahmed did give the closest to this, by celebrating the immigrant workers who were the foundation of the Gilded Age. Maybe, I know, I expect too much of the designers and guests, but their lack of acknowledgement certainly leaves me with a slight nagging in the back of my mind.

In regards to the actual evening, there’s a debate of whether the guests should be on theme, and I do think they should be. They are supposed to be celebrating a Met exhibition and the themed fashion is part of the whole theatrics of the event. As mentioned, the Gilded Age was filled with iconic and recognisable fashion moments, so when designers frequently used none of those references, it feels like they deliberately ignored the brief. Even Anna Wintour didn’t bother to follow the theme. For me, just slapping a corset in a dress isn’t really very Gilded Age. From the theme, I was imagining obscene bustles or dramatic sleeves; I even had in mind a skeleton dress highlighting the crinoline. Sure, I am a historian and historical references are my favourite, but still – how were Gigi Hadid, Kim K, or the strikingly pink Sebastian Stan anywhere near the Gilded Age? I don’t want the designers and guests to make historical replicas, but you can take elements of design history, mix it with inspiration, and create something that celebrates both old and new. This finally leads me to the most disappointing part of it all – most of the outfits were just not that good. There were some exceptions, and some were pretty, but, on the whole, the designs were honestly uninspired and rather dull. The designers are supposed to be artists, full of passion for their craft, dare I say even passion for the history of fashion, and this really didn’t come across. More than half of the outfits could have been worn for any other red carpet or film premier that year. The Met Gala is supposed to be bold and exciting, but this year it just wasn’t.

Despite my moaning, it wasn’t all bad; there were some diamonds amongst the coal. Of course, Blake Lively stole the show in a stunning Versace dress that was inspired by the oxidation of the Statue of Liberty, which was dedicated in 1886. While it was a showstopper, I am confused by the fact that her bodice and main dress featured a design inspired by the 1930s, the Empire State building and the Art Deco movement. But, I’m choosing to ignore this. Nicola Coughlan fully embraced the full drama of the period in a Richar Quinn gown, and Billie Eilish’s Gucci dress is exactly what I thought this evening would have been all about. I will defend Bad Bunny until I die because he absolutely delivered; his garments were inspired by the androgynous styles appearing in women’s clothing at the time, so to put it back into a man’s outfit created a unique but highly distinctive Gilded Age interpretation. In a theme which gives all men a very boring get-out option of simply following the ‘white tie’ aspect of the brief, this was refreshing.

I should say, as much as I am disappointed, there are still too many people to mention by name that made a good attempt. It’s just unfortunate that these few have been tainted by their fellow guests who put very little thought in. There was so much potential, and for some reason the vast majority of people just didn’t deliver. Hopefully, after the negative press this year’s round of outfits have received, next year will be better (yes, I’m an optimist). Oh well, I will wait for another year to see Blake Lively again in a gorgeously themed gown, and I hope others will follow suit.