Another week and more craziness at success for Oxford United. The men’s team ran out 7-1 winners in an extraordinary affair at Gillingham, the women’s side triumphed 3-1 over Portsmouth on Sunday, and more transfer deals started to go through.
The game at Priestfield on Saturday afternoon was truly hard to believe. Cameron Brannagan scored no fewer than four times from the penalty spot and the result came alongside an emphatic 6-0 defeat for promotion rivals Sunderland at Bolton. Elsewhere, MK Dons leapfrogged Wycombe and Wigan also dropped point. Those favourable results leave the Us just three points off fourth with a game in hand.
The women made it a remarkable nine wins from nine to start the season with a 3-1 win at home over against Portsmouth. Goals from Daisy McLachlan, Lauren Haynes opened the scoring before Beth Lumsden scored for the fifth match running to secure the three points five minutes before halftime. The U’s are now just four points off the top with a game in hand. The National League Cup is up next week with a trip to Crawley before a return to league action against promotion rivals Bridgewater the week after.
In transfer news, winger Joel Cooper joined Port Vale on loan on Thursday in search of more game time. Manager Karl Robinson said: “Joel needs to be playing games. Port Vale are a good club where we know he will be looked after and hopefully he gets to help them push on from their league position in the second half of the season.”
In other news, Daniel Agyei joined Crewe after two and a half seasons with Oxford and 93 total appearances. On the women’s side, full-back Amber Roberts has rejoined the U’s from Cardiff.
Looking ahead to next week, the men’s side faces a crunch game against Wigan under the lights on Tuesday night before returning home to host 11th placed Portsmouth on Saturday.
Match Report: Gillingham FC 2-7 Oxford United
Saturday saw one of the most extraordinary results of the season so far in League One. Oxford demolished struggling Gillingham, scoring seven times in total with Cameron Brannagan contributing to the tally with four goals from the spot.
Oxford dominated from the word go and the first goal came after just eight minutes when Billy Bodin capitalised on a defensive error to slot past Sweden keeper Pontos Dahlberg.
Three minutes later, Brannagan got his first chance from the spot after Matty Taylor was brought down. The midfielder dispatched the spot-kick calmly and Taylor headed home from a trademark Bodin set-piece delivery to make it three within 18 minutes.
More horror lay in store for Gillingham fans after the break when a comical error from Dahlberg saw him foul Brannagan inside the box. The Oxford man scored his second from the spot to make it 4-0 before adding the fifth from 12 yards just seven minutes later. It was a moment of history for Brannagan as he became the first man in Oxford history to score a hat-trick of penalties in one game.
A forgivable lapse in concentration saw the home side grab a consolation but the bubble of optimism was pierced with seven minutes of normal time remaining when Brannagan obliged from the spot yet again. This time, Gerald Sithole was to blame for a careless handball.
McKenzie did get one more back for the Kent side but it was Oxford who had the last word. Substitute Anthony Forde nodded home his first goal of the season to ensure that the Yellows scored seven goals away from home for the first time ever.
It was a crazy day elsewhere in the division too. Sunderland lost 6-0 to Bolton, meaning that having started the day with a goal difference eight worse than their promotion rivals, Oxford finished it with a tally three better. They now sit just three points off MK Dons in fourth with a game in hand and can look forward to an away trip to Wigan next week, which might just prove to be their toughest test all season.
At least eight people are reported to have been killed and a further 38 injured in a crush that occurred during an Africa Cup of Nations game in Cameroon. Two children were among those who passed away.
The crush occurred last night at the Paul Biya stadium in the Cameroonian capital of Yaoundé. The ground holds 60 000 people, but COVID-19 regulations meant that it should only have been 80% full. Despite this, officials have reported that 50 000 people attempted to gain access to the match. As a result, the one gate that was opened was overwhelmed and created a disastrous bottleneck.
The match itself was a historic affair. Small island state Comoros had progressed to the last-16 stage of the tournament in their debut and put up a stern fight despite having an outfield player in goal before eventually going on to lose 2-1.
The fact that the game itself went ahead was at first the focus of much controversy. However, although the timelines are unclear, it now seems that news of the disaster didn’t reach officials or the crowd inside the stadium until the match was nearly over.
The president of the African Football Association (CAF), Patrice Motsepe, told a press conference that any games scheduled to take place at the new stadium would be rearranged until he had seen an “absolute guarantee” of fan safety. He was also willing to admit failures, saying, “Clearly there were failures – there were things that should have been foreseen.”
As the investigations into the disaster begin, many have already begun to speculate on what could have allowed such a tragedy to take place. This is the first time in fifty years that Cameroon has hosted a major international sportng event and up until this point, matches have been fairly poorly attended. Consequently, the footballing authorities have attempted to attract more supporters to the games with incentives such as free tickets and free mass transport from city centres. This, combined with the extra red tape required to check COVID-19 certification, appears to have stretched an already under-staffed police force.
The tournament will continue but the countless positive storylines emerging across the board will no doubt now be clouded by the investigation into Monday night’s tragedy.
Mashed potato. With heaps of butter and salt and pepper. More specifically , a fork full of mashed potato, with a lump of cold butter, left for a second until it just starts to melt, and given a good grind of sea salt and black pepper.
Toast. My mum’s homemade bread, seeded and crusty, toasted just right, and then smothered in raspberry jam.
I have a long list of comfort foods. It ranges from the more predictable to the unexpected, yet comfort food is one of the most subjective culinary categories around. But what makes a ‘predictable’ comfort food? Are there uniting factors – fat, sugar, salt – and are some comfort foods universal? My personal list is evidently dominated by butter-based items, but what even causes me to feel, in some strangely innate way, that these foods are a security?
The notion of comfort food becomes ever more relevant when you are away from what makes you feel secure. In times of difficulty or pain, change or loss, or, perhaps most obviously in the case of university students, times of homesickness, our desire for comfort food can be unbearable. I spent my first term of university compiling a list of all the items I wanted to eat and be cooked upon my return to my family. To me, these foodstuffs are fundamental to what makes a home, home.
It is not just the act of eating which is the comfort; it is the smell, the process, the memory. Although comfort food is often constituted by the less challenging ingredients and recipes, it is never simply about absent minded refuelling.
So what goes into the creation of a comfort food? What exactly places such items on a pedestal of reassurance above all others? Perhaps it is as simple as science. Appealing flavours can induce the release of opiates, while sweet or high calorie foods release serotonin as well – chemicals which cause us to relax and feel happier. But such reactions will still ultimately rely on the association of food and memory, developing a regular food into something sentimental and reassuring.
For me,comfort foods are those which held some role of importance in my childhood. When I have a bowl of leek and potato soup, suddenly I am small, in winter, sitting at the kitchen table, being looked after by my mother. When I have custard, proper custard that is, I am, once again, with my father. I’m on my tiptoes as I peer up and into the pan on the stove of bubbling yellow, which is stirred, oh so carefully, ready to be poured into the trifle – the centrepiece of any party.
Comfort foods are not created in a vacuum. They are a melting pot of experience and culture and they can teach us about our ingrained similarities, as well as our differences which are so important to our identities. Just as no two individuals will have the same comfort foods, no two countries will have the same body of food associations, and so what it comes to represent is perhaps something more symbolic than we initially realise as we spoon custard into our mouths.
I adore experimenting with new foods and cuisines. I love learning more about how ingredients can be shaped and reshaped into innovative forms. But innovation isn’t everything. My list of comfort foods is ever-growing as my separation from them extends, but this is never a bad thing. I can recreate a dish of solace in my college kitchen, I can be consoled with a bowl of goodness, but at the end of term, when I am once more swaddled in the blankets of home, all I really want is a reminder that I am safe. All I really want is a fork full of mashed potato.
On Sunday, January 23rd, approximately 350 people gathered in Port Meadow to protest Thames Water’s dumping of sewage into local rivers and waterways. One of the organisers of the event, Ned Wells, told Cherwell that he was blown away by the turnout. Speakers at the event included public officials, various local wild swimmers, anglers, and boaters, in addition to representatives from Thames Water.
This particular issue has been ongoing, with various demonstrations and calls to action from campaigns such as #EndSewagePollution prompting moves from the City Council, including registering an application to give Oxford designated bathing water status. The campaigners have conducted research studies resulting in findings of high levels of E. coli in the river surrounding Port Meadow.
In his speech, Ashley Smith, the founder of Windrush Against Sewage Pollution, said “Professor Peter Hammond has ripped the lid off the secrets that the data has shown about how the industry has been allowed to function and allowed to use untreated sewage pollution as a way to hide under-investment while sucking out 72 billion pounds in profit.” Professor Peter Hammond is a former professor of computational biology at University College London.
Mark Hull of the Oxford Rivers Improvement Campaign and labour candidate for Oxford City Council elaborated on the issue of under-investment discussed by Smith: “We formed Oxford Rivers Improvement Campaign to measure the capacity of the sewage treatment works across the whole of the upper thames. In all we found that there were 90 sewage treatment works, and 46 of them don’t have the capacity that they should have.”
“What we’re calling for is investment as a priority. We need an emergency program of sewage treatment capacity.”
Hull also discussed a commonly cited issue throughout the demonstration, the underfunding of the Environment agency. He said, “If you look at the budget for the Environment Agency, it’s been axed from £120 million to £40 million. That’s a ⅔ cut in the budget for the Environment Agency, so no wonder that they’re a timid regulator. They haven’t got the resources to do the job.”
The demonstration saw local residents speak passionately about their love for the river, in addition to performances from the Jericho Singers. Another group led a sparkling rendition of the 12 days of Christmas following the Christmas Day sewage alert delay, featuring lines such as, “On the first day of Christmas Thames Water gave to me, another sewage spill at Witney.”
One resident, Mike Benson, shared with the crowd “The river connects us all, always, and in all ways. It connects us to nature, it connects us to ourselves, very intimately when you get in that freezing water. It connects us here to each other today, to the beautiful art and literature that it’s inspired across time, throughout the long storied history of the Thames. The river is alive, it is a life in itself.” Benson spoke of the possibility of legislating that rivers and other such natural landmarks could be granted their own rights, and encouraged others to join him in campaigning for rights for the river.
District Council Chair for South Oxfordshire Jo Robb told the crowd, “These are our waters, this is our river, it belongs to us. It is our river, it is not your sewer.”
Image: Estelle Atkinson
Ned Wells encouraged continued activism, notably discussing that “Thames Water is 20% owned by the Universities Superannuation Scheme. We need to keep a positive emphasis on this. I think that the Universities Superannuation Scheme has invested in Thames Water for positive reasons, but we need to get some energy behind that and make sure it is all positive and we know what’s going on.”
When contacted, the USS declined to comment, but a webpage detailing their investment in Thames Water states “Since we became an investor in 2017, we have been on a journey with the company and its management team. The company has been able to reinvest what it may have had to pay out in dividends as a listed business and instead deal with its most immediate issues such as reducing the number of leaks and improving customer service. More than that, as we take a long-term view, we have been supportive of the company’s desires to set Net Zero targets.”
“USS already invests more than 45% of its £82.2bn under management in the UK and our new investment in Thames Water is a clear demonstration that we are happy to do more, given the right conditions. And as long term responsible investors, we believe our goals are very much aligned with the government’s objectives for high quality infrastructure and public services.”
Richard Aylard, External Affairs and Sustainability Director at Thames Water, also spoke, saying “Nobody in the company thinks that the current situation is remotely acceptable. Any discharge of untreated sewage, even if it’s legally permitted, is unacceptable. We are doing our best to get that sorted out as quickly as possible. We all care about the environment, dare I say it, just as much as everybody here today.”
Addressing the problem at hand, Aylard explained “The problem isn’t more sewage, we don’t get more sewage when it rains, we get more rainfall in the sewage, so we are treating rainwater. We don’t want to treat rainwater, it’s not good for sewage works, and that water belongs in the environment, not in our sewers.”
Aylard emphasised a recurrent theme of his, which is that “we get the environment that we’re prepared to pay for.” He added, “We’ll be recommending to OFWAT [The Water Services Regulation Authority]spending a lot more money. And what are OFWAT going to say? They’re going to say what is this going to do to bills, are your customers prepared to pay for it. And that’s where you come in. We need [people to say actually, this is worth investing in.”
“We have to think carefully as a society about what kind of environment we want, and are we prepared to pay for it. In the meantime, people like my colleague and I will be working flat out to get the best possible output from our sewage works.”
People at the demonstration had the opportunity to direct questions to Aylard. Ashley Smith asked, “While the industry, and it’s not just Thames Water, has been making a profit whilst committing huge numbers of criminal offences, it has really operated by not investing and relying on the ability to break the law. The Environment Agency turns a blind eye. It may be complex, the way the industry shuffles its money around between its multilayers that it built outside of the regulations of OFWAT. Is that money that has been obtained, that £72bn across the industry, how much of that is actually the proceeds of illegal activity, and how much of it should be given back and used to fund the investment that is now needed?”
Aylard responded, “A lot of money has been spent. Whether things are illegal or not – you can say they are, I’m not going to say they’re not, because that can only be decided in court, and we haven’t got the judge here.”
When asked about next steps, Ned Wells told Cherwell “We’re planning a bunch of projects this year to keep the pressure on Thames Water. We’ll be coming in at quite a strategic level and will need volunteers to come and help. Anyone with an interest in legal, financial, business, data, and analytics as well as environment (and possibly fundraising) would be most welcome. More soon on the Facebook group, so please join.”
When approached for comment, a Thames Water spokesperson told Cherwell: “We regard all discharges of untreated sewage as unacceptable and will work with the government, Ofwat and the Environment Agency to accelerate work to stop them being necessary and are determined to be transparent. That is why we’ve committed to providing sewage discharge notifications from all of our 468 permitted discharge points by the end of 2022 and believe we’re the only water company to have made such a commitment for inland waters.”
“We have an unprecedented amount of investment directed towards safeguarding our rivers and streams. Between 2020 and 2025 we are spending £1.25 billion on maintaining and improving our operational sites, including contributing to the health of 745km of rivers across London and the Thames Valley, for example increasing our capacity by 50% at our Witney site.”
“Our aim will always be to try and do the right thing for our rivers and for the communities who love and value them. We have a long way to go – and we certainly can’t do it on our own – but the ambition is clear.”
I’ll be honest, my expectations were low for this comedy gala. I’d never heard of Jericho Comedy, and I’d never heard of the comedians performing. I was sceptical about how funny a fundraiser for a mental health charity could actually be. At best, I expected a night of mildly diverting entertainment – perhaps an audience member would heckle someone – and at worst, I was bracing myself for two hours of second-hand embarrassment. Anyone who is familiar with Jericho Comedy will already know how wrong I was: I laughed so much at this comedy gala that my face hurt.
Alex from Jericho Comedy hosted the night and was nothing short of brilliant – he warmed up the crowd with some well-received ribbing of an audience member who worked for an oil company, turning next on an accountant in the second row. Who knew that an ‘accountant’ on TikTok is someone broadly employed in sex work? Not me. This revelation was startling and made me feel (gasp) middle aged. Sitting in the fourth row, the audience participation was at times a little too close for comfort; thankfully, years of deftly avoiding eye contact in seminars equipped me well for this moment.
First up was the explosive Esther Manito with a hilarious set about motherhood which was somehow relatable to everyone, mothers or not. The second act, Jamie D’Souza was the standout performance of the night for me. As he loped awkwardly on stage in a white T shirt and jeans, I anxiously wondered whether he would make it through without being pelted by someone’s empty beer cups. I was again proved wrong: self-deprecating jokes combined with a deadpan delivery hit that sweet spot in British humour. Chelsea Birkby’s cheery set ranged from misguided fast-fashion purchases to Pitbull’s questionable song lyrics. The exhilarating first half dispelled all of my fears, and I was ready for more.
The acts in the second half kept this fantastic energy going – Rosie Jones had the audience completely spell bound and broke down so many barriers in the process (she opened by telling us that before she came out, she thought she couldn’t be disabled and gay). Angela Barnes brought the show to a close effortlessly – she looked so comfortable on stage. The balding, pot-bellied dedicated Tory next to me bristled when Angela correctly pointed out that Boris Johnson looks like he’s combed his hair with a balloon. He also furiously unbuttoned his shirt sleeves when she suggested that Jacob Rees-Mogg was surely a human experiment gone wrong. My conservative neighbour warmed up again, however, to hoot at the ridiculousness of washing machines installed with Wi-Fi, bellowing ‘here here’ as if from the benches of the Commons themselves.
This joyful evening was merely the finale of Jericho Comedy’s hard work over the last year. They raise money for Oxfordshire Mind at all their comedy events, this year making over twenty thousand pounds for the charity. I was thrilled to attend such a fantastic evening and at the same time be supporting such an important cause. Jericho Comedy is certainly one to watch. Just make sure you don’t sit near the front if you’re an accountant. TikTok or otherwise.
It seems ironic that one of the reasons I applied to study English in the first place was because I enjoyed reading, but it has been increasingly difficult to maintain reading as a hobby the further I get into my degree. Once a favourite pastime, reading for me is now something that all too often gets ignored during term time.
Reading for fun is not the same as reading a book to study it. This may be obvious to some people, but it took a while for me to realise that my love of Jane Austen books didn’t necessarily mean I would enjoy studying one of them. In fact, many of the books that I enjoyed studying the most are the ones that I would never normally read. But with so much reading to do for university, how could there be time to read recreationally too? Most of the time – especially in term time – there isn’t.
Using my local library’s access to e-books and audiobooks during the vacations has actually been a big part of getting me into reading again, as many of the books that I wanted to read, from Bridget Jones’s Diary to Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series, were available to borrow. I’ve also been revisiting series I enjoyed when I was younger, finally going back to the Percy Jackson series. Importantly, I’ve been trying to actually get through the books I do own but have yet to read, like Neil Gaiman’s American Gods. I think it’s crucial to use libraries and actually get through the books you already own; reading has been increasingly commodified by social media influencers showing off their beautiful and expensive hardbacks of every book in existence and in my opinion, this is not a positive thing. If I consume online content about books, I prefer influencers who actually discuss what they are reading and are aware of their potential contributions to consumerism, as opposed to just making ‘book hauls’, as those types of videos actually inspire me to read rather than just to buy more books.
I think it’s important to figure out what books you actually want to read, outside of the types of books that other people are reading, or that are most popular. For me, that tends to be books in the fantasy genre. It’s also important to remember that the age categories put on books are more about marketing those books to certain audiences than telling you what you can and can’t read. For example, Percy Jackson might be categorised as teen or middle grade, but that doesn’t mean you can be ‘too old’ to enjoy a book.
Making time for reading during term time is certainly difficult. I often listen to audiobooks and read comics, because it can be more feasible than trying to get through a big novel while also juggling the busyness of a university term. I also am trying to let myself put a book down and move onto another one if I don’t like it. Hobbies are supposed to be fun, so what is the point of trying to read a book that you don’t like? It’s not like if you give up on a book that you’re reading for fun, anything is going to happen. The only negative thing about not reading a book is that you can’t tell other people that you’ve read it – and that shouldn’t be the goal of reading.
For me, reading for pleasure is about finding what you enjoy and reading that. If you’re spending all your time studying the likes of Shakespeare, Marlowe and Milton, then why shouldn’t you be able to read anything you want in your own time, whether that means fantasy, sci-fi, poetry or anything else? I think that was the problem for me. I just didn’t know what I wanted to read; I tried to read a lot of things that I didn’t really want to read because I felt like I should be reading it. Admittedly, sometimes I was pleasantly surprised, but now that I know what I want to read I have found it a lot easier to choose books that I know I’ll like. I rely a lot on reading reviews and looking at online discussions where people recommend books based on what they personally enjoy. I also often ask people I know with similar taste in books to me for their recommendations.
All in all, I’m a lot better at choosing books now, and I’m finding it easier to make time to read them, the more I make a conscious effort to do so. I hope anyone who can relate to this article feels reassured that being a student doesn’t mean you have to stop enjoying books!
Termcard? Late. Hacking? Early. You’re welcome Oxford. Well at least it’s good to see that the Union is keeping to tradition.
It has been confirmed that The Second String Yank was the unnamed appointed committee defector hinted at in last week’s column, joining the rest of the foreigners on Connect 2.0. John Evelyn wonders if they are in fact out of the country, as it seems they’ve completely missed the gun on starting their hacking.
The Univ Queen must have been doing some serious yoga over the break, as she showed remarkable political flexibility by showing up to OULC to hack. The Not-Secretary was close in tow, but Mr Debit Card was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he was trying to slate that last allusive officer candidate after a few disheartening rejections. Poor bubs.
The LMH Enforcer kicked off Super Saturday by enforcing a strict no-fun policy at his campaign launch party. Attendees were treated to some beats dropping harder than the government’s approval rating, but not quite as hard as the mood. John Evelyn is no mathematician, but even he knows that 6:30pm start + LMH library ≠ mad rave. Speaking of parties, the Enforcer and friends are trying to avoid one of the sausage variety, as they desperately try not be the only slate that is literally just blokes.
In other phallic news, the CC has a new secretary, with the Ghost of Otto Barrow delivering a rock hard hust to secure the prestigious position. John Evelyn hears he is excited to start, but fears he will end up as collateral damage in the brewing turf war between the ROs and elected officials on whether the minutes should be in Times New Roman or not. Exciting stuff.
Blackwell’s has removed an antisemitic conspiracy document from shops after the book’s promotion as “interesting” was met with outrage by the Jewish community.
The Oxford booksellers had originally listed The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, a well-debunked manual detailing supposed Jewish plans for world domination, with an antisemitic synopsis which did not fully refute the text’s legitimacy.
The description used read: “Some say the issue has already been settled conclusively — that [The Protocols] is clearly a forgery. Although there may be final evidence to this effect, we have not seen a clear and convincing version of it produced by those making this claim.”
It continued: “If The Protocols are a forgery, they still form an interesting book which deserves to be studied. If, however. The Protocols are genuine (which can never be proven conclusively), it might cause some of us to keep a wary eye on world affairs. We neither support nor deny its message, we simply make it available for those who wish a copy.”
Marie van der Zyl, President of the Board of Deputies of British Jews, said that “It is astounding that a supposedly reputable retailer would distribute a notorious antisemitic forgery accusing a cabal of Jews of being behind a plot to rule the world, with a blurb on its website that claims the work could be genuine.”
The Board of Deputies was among a group of Jewish organisations condemning the books sale, along with the Campaign Against Antisemitism and Holocaust Educational Trust.
In a statement released on 27th January, Blackwell’s wrote: “To confirm our position, we have in response to a large number of comments removed completely from our website the details of a particular book. This book is in fact an antisemitic hoax, which has been used by extremists since it was first published 150 years ago to justify anti-Jewish hatred.”
The statement said the site had used the offensive synopsis because “with over 18 million books on our website it is standard practice in online bookselling to list books with the book descriptions provided by the book publishers as we are unable to physically check this many records.”
It continued: “Generally it is our belief that books should be made available, even hateful books, so they can be studied and understood with a view to ensuring that such despicable views cannot gain credence in the future. Given that this publication is a forgery however, we take the view that continuing to list such a publication would only provide a platform for the lies it seeks to propagate.”
A spokesperson for Oxford’s Jewish Society said that “As a Jsoc we were saddened by the lack of care taken by Blackwells in the advertising of this book. We hope this incident will make people more aware of their responsibility in the representation of this text.”
People who choose not to have children are selfish, according to Pope Francis – who must be something of an expert on the subject, having chosen not to have children himself.
“Today…we see a form of selfishness,” the Pope told a general audience at the Vatican last week. “We see that some people do not want to have a child.” He specifically chastised couples who have pets but no children, something he claims “diminishes us,” and “takes away our humanity.”
This isn’t the first time the Pope has scolded people who don’t have children. In 2014, the pontiff warned that “selfish” childfree people would eventually succumb to the “bitterness of loneliness.”
Yet this rhetoric is nothing new for childfree people – childfree women in particular, for whom normative gender roles create inextricable links between womanhood and motherhood.
Gender is not innate, but a culturally constructed class system in which the class of woman is fundamentally juxtaposed against and subjugated by the class of man. Central to this class system are conceptualisations of normative femininity, which are unquestionably bound to motherhood. Women’s corporeal tie to children justifies an unequal and gendered division of labour and the “naturalization” of caregiving roles for women within the domestic sphere. Queer theorists also suggest that the social and political function of children is to regulate women’s sexuality within a social order that mandates heteronormativity and procreation.
A 2018 study documented the negative perceptions and prejudice that childfree women face: they are overwhelmingly seen as “selfish,” “dissatisfied,” and cold. Childfree women have also elicited social reactions of “disgust” and “moral outrage.” The study cites research indicating that women without children face discriminatory outcomes in occupational and medical settings. It’s common for physicians, for example, to deny a patient surgery on the assumption that a woman will change her mind about wanting children.
We don’t have to look far to see these negative perceptions in action: former Australian prime minister Julia Gillard immediately comes to mind. Gillard endured years of sexism and misogyny for being a childfree woman in power. In 2007, former conservative senator Bill Heffernan described Gillard as unqualified for leadership because she was “deliberately barren.” In 2010, politician George Brandis maintained that Gillard was a “one dimensional” person who, because she had chosen not to have children, couldn’t possibly understand former PM Tony Abbott’s controversial argument that a woman’s virginity is a gift to give to her husband. Former Labor leader Mark Latham claimed that Gillard was “wooden” and lacked empathy because she had chosen not to have children.
Like Gillard, most childfree women are constantly expected to justify and explain themselves: to divulge their personal medical histories, to describe how the current economic climate is not conducive to child-rearing, to explain that childfree people tend to be happier than parents, to maintain that they’re not willing to become another maternal mortality statistic, to detail the gendered division of labour – when not wanting children should itself be reason enough for not having them.
So perhaps, instead of scolding childfree couples, the Pope’s efforts would be better directed towards doing more for the secret children of not-so-celibate priests. Or towards re-examining the church’s own decidedly anti-family celibacy policies. Or towards having children of his own.
In Michaelmas 2021, I attempted suicide by paracetamol overdose. Following three days in hospital, I made the decision to suspend my studies, with the intent of returning back to my degree and the institution in October 2022.
I used to regard my offer to study at the University of Oxford as the most notable success in my life. Conversely, the notion of suspending my studies or potentially withdrawing from my course felt like submitting to failure.
My difficulty coping with the excessive pressure and culture of hyper-productivity is not a unique struggle. Like many others, I faced my fair-share of essay-crises, late-nights and existential moments wondering whether I was meant to pursue this degree.
Ironically, I was also one of the many who joked about suspending my studies. When perusing the anonymous confessions on “Oxfess”, one can find countless posts from peers flippantly insisting that they are on the verge of dropping out or rusticating. Even among friends, struggles with the workload are divulged under the guise of jokes about our mental health being in decline.
Indulging in this jesting, I simply attributed my outlook to the shared experience of Oxford’s academic rigour and intensity. However, this environment of dark humour entails that it is harder to recognise and seek early intervention for mental health issues. If everyone is making light of their welfare and academic struggles, surely what I am feeling is not something to worry about? We dismiss the validity of our issues as we convince ourselves that we signed up for this in taking on a place at Oxford. Retrospectively, I know that I did.
However, it is becoming increasingly known that the normalised attitudes towards one’s worsening welfare… is not so normal. I want to share my experiences about dealing with mental illness and ultimately suspending my studies, to encourage the further disillusionment with the Oxford culture of hyper-productivity. Using humour as a coping mechanism is healthy, and this culture at Oxford encourages comradery. It helps us realise that we do not live in a bubble and our fellow students are just like ourselves, which is a great source of comfort. Yet, Oxford’s culture results in students looking past wellbeing red flags and suffering through their academic journey, thinking that this is normal.
Furthermore, I hope that in relaying my personal plight that I reveal more about the unfortunately taboo topic of mental illness, how I reached the decision to suspend my studies, plus whether colleges and the central university are doing enough to support students considering rustication.
Michaelmas 2021 was not the first time I had contemplated suspending my studies. Almost exactly a year prior, I found myself in the same dark place. Huddled up in my bed in my college room, I had done the same thing: I had consumed excess paracetamol with the intent of taking my life. Like this Michaelmas, I was admitted to hospital for three days. My encounters with suicide stretch further back; that time being like the time before, when I had made a similar attempt at the beginning of my A-Levels. That time was like the time before that, and that time mirrored the time even before then.
I was stuck in a disastrous cycle of suffering, and each time, suicide seemed the means of setting myself free. Yet, a few moments after I had taken these seemingly irreversible steps, I would reach out to report what I had just done. Every single time. When the imminent approach of death suddenly dawned on me, I realised death is not what I sought. I desired an escape from my suffering, but not life itself. The human instinct to live, to fight with every effort in your body to keep on living, is most pronounced when the prospect of dying is felt with full sincerity.
Last year, with my arm hooked up to an IV drip and bowls filled with sick dotted around my bed (owing to the effect of the medication), I made the decision to suspend my studies. Yet, despite taking the steps to do so by approaching the college welfare team, I still found myself back in a hospital bed with ever worsening mental health.
Understanding why I had not suspended my studies was a tough process. I could no longer attribute my present state to ignorance; spending time in hospital only two months into my degree had made me acutely aware that my mental health required dire attention. It was the hardest pill to swallow but I came to the conclusion in the aftermath of events, that when I decided not to suspend my studies the year prior, I was aware that I was not well and knew that I was forsaking my well-being.
I could not suspend my studies because doing so felt equivalent to withdrawing. I had made it to the University of Oxford, a prestigious university that many adolescents dream about attending. Choosing to leave Oxford, even if temporarily, made me feel ungrateful and like a failure. During my time at Oxford, I had begun to tie my personality to my academic performance and even mere membership of the university. I identified with pride as a law student at Brasenose College. My friends and support network were at Oxford. I made a reputation for myself by ambitiously engaging with every extracurricular I could. I submerged myself in Oxford’s infamous culture of hyper-productivity, without realising I was drowning.
Therefore, suspending my studies felt scarier than suffering and struggling with mental illness for another two years. In fact, I wore my struggles as a badge; it seemed like proof that I was working hard. Meanwhile, my ability to concentrate deteriorated, I felt stuck to my bed and isolated myself from loved ones. The effects of my worsening mental health manifested in my academic attainment, in the form of missed essays and tutorials. Attributing my self-worth to my academic attainment, as so many fellow students do, meant that I sustained emotional injury from every stumble I faced in my degree.
Like a toxic relationship with someone you love, I needed to gain space from Oxford to see the broader picture. Suspending my studies was an opportunity to do that. The sense of relief that filled my heart when the decision was finalised confirmed that this was the right decision. The greatest insight I have gained from being outside the Oxbridge bubble is that an Oxford degree is meant to be hard, but not painful. I am meant to feel intellectually pushed and challenged by the deadlines. However, my health and general well-being should not be sacrificed in my attempts to meet these expectations. Only by suspending my studies and experiencing adult life outside of Oxford have I realised how harmful my outlook had previously been. Instead, this time away from the institution has instilled me with a hope and love for life that I had lost to years of mental illness. Now, I see a future at Oxford, where I can enjoy the academic rigour of my degree whilst maintaining my health.
Attending the University of Oxford is no longer my best success story. Having the courage to suspend my studies and confront my most pressing issues, despite facing internal resistance to such an action, is my greatest victory.
