Thursday 17th July 2025
Blog Page 948

Hertford accidentally distributes rejection letters

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Last Wednesday, Hertford College accidentally shared the details of this year’s 200 unsuccessful applicants in their rejection emails to candidates.

Commiseration emails from the college’s senior tutor Charlotte Brewer included an attachment containing the rejection letters of every unsuccessful candidate. The letters detailed applicants’ names, subjects, and addresses.

The error quickly became public knowledge, due to the college’s wide scope of applicants from around the world. Within minutes of the mistake, administrators emailed the candidates again with an apology. They also asked recipients to delete the original email because of the personal information it contained.

Hertford’s principal, political economist Will Hutton, said: “We would like to apologise to all applicants affected by this mistake for any distress caused. We are now taking steps to make sure this type of error involving personal information does not happen again.”

The parent of one unsuccessful candidate told The Telegraph: “It is disappointing enough to be rejected after three days of intensive interviews without having your rejection letter splashed all over the world to all and sundry.”

Senior Tutor of Hertford College Charlotte Brewer was contacted for comment.

Blind Date: Andrew and Alice

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Andrew:

We were both veterans of the blind date scene so sparks quickly flew, and so did the time! Before I knew it, we were exploring the nooks and crannies of each other’s lives. ‘Scalice’, as she likes to be called, began regaling me with thrilling tales of acapella politics—which really came Out of the Blue! As the evening progressed, it became clear that Alice was particularly popular, leaving the table to socialise with a friend—good thing I didn’t mind sharing! We both mourned the loss of a place near and dear to us: Wahoo Bar & Grill, as we relived many a drunken memory (or lack thereof!). Alas, all good things must come to an end as we were ushered out of the pub before even remembering to take a photo. I wasn’t quite ready to say goodbye yet but a short trip to Tesco soon remedied that, and although not the most ‘picturesque’ ending, she certainly improved it.

Out of ten: 8

Appearance: No complaints!

Looks: “Awkward when sober, flirty when drunk”

Second date? She’s got my number

Alice:

Andy (not Andrew I was told firmly) introduced himself to me as “randy” and a “polar bear” within the first twenty minutes of our date, which was certainly an original start. But, at least he was bang on time and I wasn’t left stranded in the KA on my own. Our mutual appreciation of First Dates stopped either of us from making any awful social faux pas, although I did desert him to talk to a friend at one point (my bad). In fact, the only really awkward moment of the night was coercing a bemused stranger to take our photo in Tesco (I needed bagels and we’d forgotten to do it in the pub). Similarly, the revelation that his friends were live Facebook-stalking me and sending him the results was also rather unnerving. Clearly out to impress, he managed to top every anecdote, story or sconce I had. Luckily this wasn’t irritating; it just made me feel better about my own love life calamities, so thanks for that, Andy.

Out of ten: 7

Appearance: He looked unnervingly familiar

Looks: Put in his own words: “a randy polar bear”

Second date? Another drink as friends sometime

The richness of the materiality of books

Books are supposed to defy materiality. According to conventional wisdom, it matters not what the book is, only what it contains. The abstract ideas conveyed by words and language exist on a higher plane than objects: books are just rectangular items which enable us to access them.

We could be reading Hemingway on a Kindle, or in a second hand paperback, or a beautifully embossed Folio edition; it matters not, they are the same words, the same ideas. Yet to claim that literature is somehow apart from the books they appear in is curiously perverse.

When the first books began to appear during the 2nd century AD—or objects that we would recognise as such, like codices painstakingly copied and illuminated—each edition was a prized treasure. With no mass production, each copy represented untold number of hours of toil and dedication.

As a consequence, only the most important texts were preserved in monastic communities in Europe and the Middle East. The Bible took centre stage in the West in this process of replication, each edition a record of God, almost a holy object in itself.

The reverence accorded to the book itself was diminished with Gutenberg’s invention of the printing press in 1440, but even today, to burn a copy of the Bible is seen as a sacrilegious act, somehow attacking the words themselves even though we are in no danger of ‘losing’ the Bible. So despite claims to the contrary, a residual part of our conscious thinks the physical book significant.

This can be seen in the way people still read printed books instead of Kindles. We assign value to an object which we spend hours, days, even weeks with reading: you will never forget the particular copy of Proust’s A Remembrance of Things Past you finally finished.

Many of these copies are made ‘unique’, by the addition of notes and open-ended thoughts scrawled in the margins. One of the delights of reading a second hand book is coming across someone’s thoughts on the proceedings. Yet just as we jealously preserve our worn and chipped editions of the canonical greats, so too do we invest in expensive slipcase, hardback editions.

When we do, the book moves from the realm of personal items of memory into objects of status—not just of wealth, but of intelligence and learning. When you proudly show your library of rare, hard-to-find books, you are displaying a reflection of your own personality: this is what I am interested in, this is what I spend my wealth on, the subtext always implying a personality of cultivation and interest.

Of course, from the Medieval libraries of kings to the Renaissance collections of the Medici, it was ever thus. The sumptuous binding, engravings, the whole idea of William Morris’ ‘beautiful books’, present books as symbols of status, money, and intellect. That these objects contain literary value is almost a cover, a defence against any accusation of excess—after all, how can you criticise anyone for owning Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations, even if it is the scarce 1863 Confederate printed edition which sells for around £18,000.

The materiality of books is not some incidental aspect, but a feature valued independently of the texts’ themselves. Yet can we reclaim the book away from its status as an object of the wealthy? On one level of course, we cannot. Just as the most radical painters now have their canvases adorning the walls of bankers’ homes and Gulf state galleries, valuable editions of renowned authors’ works will continue to hold an extravagant monetary value, one predicated on scarceness, ironic for a medium which is meant to be based around mass production.

However, parallel to the desires of the rich are the collections of ordinary people, endowing great importance to the seemingly most mundane of things.

I have, for instance, amassed a trove of vintage orange striped Penguin paperbacks, their pages browning, and derive great satisfaction from their rows of matching spines on my bookshelf. If I can purchase a book in Penguin’s classic, Edward Young-designed, colour-coded horizontal bands (orange for serious literature, green for thrillers, blue for non-fiction), then that seems to me infinitely preferable to the blander designs of other publishers.

Even the nineteen-seventies Penguins, with their black spines and use of contemporary paintings for covers have a wonderful simplicity of design. These are books as aesthetic objects to me, the quality of the writing contained within complemented by the beauty of the book which holds the pages.

One thing I’d change about Oxford… Religion

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The University of Oxford was built up around a system of colleges and halls through the influence of the many Christian orders that made the city their intellectual home. The rich Christian tradition has influenced the way the university is run, and it would undoubtedly fail to be the academic behemoth it is today without the resources and influence of the Christian religion during its formative years.

As a nation today however, religion has seen somewhat of a retreat into the private sphere from the public. I for one welcome this change of attitudes. As the UK has opened its doors and become more diverse, we are open and broadly welcoming to non-Christian religion and atheism. It is vital we continue to welcome people of all faiths and none.

Despite society’s increasing secularisation, Christianity still permeates into Ox­ford life. Grace, for example, is spoken at the majority of college formals, and is seldom open to interpretation.

The buildings our lives are structured around at Oxford—where we eat, study, socialise and sleep—were built to provide a religious education for some, but not all. The architecture of the ubiquitous college chapel serves as a daily reminder of this fact. Some college chapels seem designed deliberately to instil a fear of God into passers-by. All of this helps to create a sense of unease—this university was not originally intended for non-Christians.

Every day the increasingly diverse student body must live alongside the mani­festations of a religion which long fought to exclude women and LGBTQ+ people from higher religious office, and in some de­nominations does not allow gay marriage.

In recent years there have been some ef­forts to remedy the overt Christian bias in subjects such as Theology, where Christian religion is no longer a compulsory paper for FHS studies. This is certainly a start.

However, in the theoretical world that this column explores, I wish to see what architectural difference a college designed to reflect other religious traditions would make in an academic setting designed to be welcoming to everyone from the get-go.

Cristiano Ronaldo: saint, not devil

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After winning the fourth Ballon d’Or of his illustrious career, Cristiano Ronaldo has regained his crown as the best footballer on the planet. The award pushes him ahead of the three-times winners Marco van Basten, Michel Platini and the late Johan Cruyff.

Arguably, Ronaldo’s achievements at club level were nothing less than we expected given the high standards set by himself and his club, Real Madrid.

A champions league win over rivals Atlético was followed by a European Super Cup and the Club World Cup trophy. As usual, Ronaldo had a huge role to play, scoring 16 goals in the Champions League (one short of the record he himself set in 2014) as well as the decisive penalty kick in the shootout of the final itself. This was also followed by a hat-trick in the Club World Cup final, earning him the Golden Ball for the tournament.

Of course, despite these phenomenal achievements, what makes 2016 so special for Ronaldo was his unexpected triumph on the international stage. Arguably his greatest feat as a footballer, CR7 was able to lead a mediocre Portuguese side to the nation’s first every taste of European glory. Despite receiving unprecedented personal criticism at an international tournament, Ronaldo did what he does best, silencing his critics with three goals and three assists including a crucial header in the semi- final win against Wales. Scandalously, however, Ronaldo was then criticised for his ‘antics’ in the final.

After just 25 minutes of football, Ronaldo was substituted in the final due to a left knee injury. Despite receiving treatment and attempting to continue to play on two separate occasions, Cristiano finally gave in as he broken down in tears—inconsolable, despite the efforts to comfort him. After being stretchered off, Ronaldo reemerged at the dug out to support his team from the side-lines. Although this seemed like the right thing to do, it appeared to be very controversial.

Critics claimed his public display of emotion was all an act to divert the attention back towards himself. Shame on a man (who people are conveniently forgetting was the captain) for going to each player and pumping them up before the biggest 30 minutes of their entire lives. I can only imagine the outrage if he had stayed in the dressing room getting treatment. No doubt this, too, would have been turned into criticism: “Ronaldo obviously doesn’t care now that he is ruled out.” He just cannot win with the media. I can’t help but think that if Rooney had shown the same emotions, he would have been hailed as a hero and even given a knighthood.

The truth is, even defending him in this piece is a sad reflection on football and its critics. We hold Ronaldo to different standards. Yes, his chiseled body and glamorous lifestyle may make him an easy target, but this should not mask Ronaldo’s extraordinary career success. Clearly, talent like his is a rarity, and so we should appreciate it before he soon retires and we begin to feel nostalgic over the days of Cristiano and his footballing genius.

Unearthing the past: in search of stasis, simplicity and Mrs Simpson

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A side from my usual vac routine of PlayStation, reading any book other than my course texts, watching Peep Show, and procrastinating, I spent some of this vac sleuthing. Specifically, I have been searching for a teacher. My old school didn’t know where she went. Neither did the infinite wisdom of Google. And while I still believe that somewhere in the vastness of the internet some golden information as to her whereabouts exists, Mrs. Jo Simpson—my former English teacher—remains ever-elusive.

I sense your scepticism, of course. Over many years we meet numerous teachers, all of whom have a different impact on our life’s direction. I lack the delusions of grandeur to speak for every Oxford student, and I know that not everyone here has always had such a positive relationship with their chosen subject. But for me, choosing English (and French to study francophone literature) was never motivated by pragmatism, or by my realistically non-existent career prospects. Rather, it was motivated by a love of the subject, emboldened by an unsuspecting, yet truly skilled, teacher.

In listening to me ramble about how much I loved Of Mice and Men, lending me a variety of books to widen my literary horizons, or even just giving me more support than any student could expect during the stress of coursework and exams, she proved invaluable.

I would venture to say that this is not atypical. For everyone who loves their subject at university, and especially for those like me, for whom applying to Oxford was a bit of a leap into the dark, the latter years of school often have, as they did for me, a catalysing and formative impact. Our interests within our subjects are often shaped by our experiences at school, and I know of many people who struggled to adjust to the shift in pace from school to Oxford, overwhelming and bewildering as it often can be.

I would go as far to say that perhaps, for even those who detested school, as I did, its finer points are apparent when settled in a calmer, post-Prelims perspective. While I don’t miss it and I would never wish to go back, I do sometimes feel a pang for the feeling of a comforting stasis—that feeling of always knowing where you are and what you’re doing—and with those now all-too-rare high grades to match.

I feel that many of us fail to realise the impact of that stasis in school. Much is made of the disconcerting slide from being top of the class to having to battle with all-nighters to average a 60, but there’s something to be said about the finality of school. Approaching the end of seven years of dreary Catholic comprehensive education, I knew that my application to university, and to Oxford specifically, was an end goal. It was what all my years of secondary education had built towards, knowing that university was where I wanted to take my future.

After getting into Oxford, suddenly the path I had so clearly laid out for myself faded away and I was left directionless. I now attribute much of my questionable eff ort and variable attitude towards work in first year to that feeling of disorientation. In school, everything leads towards a certain point. At Oxford, certainly after the concrete goal of Prelims, direction becomes much more nebulous. Often, much more terrifyingly, it is oriented around the most elusive of Oxford concerns: the ‘real world’.

So I do wonder if there is more than just a desire to get back in touch with the finest teacher I’ve ever had. I wonder if, deep down, there is a yearning for a more innocent and insular time long-gone, where value is defined by effort stickers and where academic validation is far more prevalent.

Mrs. Simpson gave me the confidence to embrace my passion for literature and take it to the highest possible level by applying to Oxford. Where she has gone after her move away from my Chesterfield school to one in Nottingham, I may never find out.

I can only hope that somehow our paths will cross once more. Until then, I’ll keep reading literature, and my immeasurable gratitude towards Jo Simpson will go unvoiced, but held with a firm affection.

The connoisseur’s guide to 2017 in music

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Music journalism has to appeal to all bases. And so, in an attempt to alleviate the suffocating focus on indie music, your humble writer has decided to go mainstream. Here’s an analysis of a ‘Coming Up in 2017’ chart put forward, not by Pitchfork, or Alexis Petridis but by renowned tastemaker Capital FM, the only radio station in the world named after the works of universal arbiter of cool, Karl Marx.

“Are you ALWAYS panicking as to when your fave artist is going to release their album? Well… FEAR NOT! ‘Cos we’ve got ALL of the info you’ll ever need!” screams the article’s description. Looking down the list, my first reaction is one of disgust but, after stoically taking stock (quite literally—I had a Bovril to calm me down), I soon realise Capital FM are completely right. You see, I thought my favourite artist was LCD Soundsystem, but after looking down the list, from which they are absent, I realised Capital’s favourite, Dappy, was a superior choice by far.

Ah yes, former N-Dubz member Dappy, who back in 2012 received a suspended sentence for spitting in the face of two girls at a petrol station in Guildford of all places. If 2016 goes down as the year of the death of Bowie, then 2017 surely will be the year of the rebirth of Dappy.

Clearly litigation is a theme of Capital’s list as further on down we find Chris Brown: yes, he’s back. There’s also 50 Cent, who last summer filed for bankruptcy—turns out his name was just tempting fate after all.

Then there’s Avicii, whose 2016 retirement apparently “hit [Capital FM] hella hard”. Me too, Capital FM, me too. But guess what: he’s back, and he’s out to make, in his own words, “the best damn album of [his] career”. Oxford holds its collective breath in anticipation of more bangers to tear up the floor of Emporium in the vein of ‘Hey Brother’. I haven’t been this excited since the release of the last Avicii album.

Based on Capital FM’s list, the question of whether 2017 will be better than 2016 can be answered with a resounding “no”.

How to pass collections via the medium of film

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Collections are a scary thought for all, especially after a few weeks of comfort eating and television watching. So why not combine the two? Cherwell has you covered on exactly how to revise via the medium of Hollywood this Hilary.

For any Arch & Anth students out there, try Raiders of the Lost Ark. Harrison Ford’s first appearance as everyone’s favourite archaeologist, Indiana Jones should definitely count as revision; it even discusses deep questions, such as the necessity of museums and why the preservation of history is important.

If you study Biology or Biochemistry, there’s always 28 Days Later. The plot is based on a virus attacking and turning everyone into the living dead. Use the opportunity to your advantage to discuss the logistics of a virus on this scale and how it could be prevented. Then try and work out how to survive a zombie apocalypse.

For Chemistry, try Trainspotting. You’ll join Renton and the gang on their heroine-fuelled adventures in Edinburgh, and can have deep scientific discussions about the drugs and chemically induced dreams.

If you’re a classicist, then Troy is a definite winner. Lots of beautiful people having sex and fighting with the Trojan War in the background. To turn it into revision, just drink every time the film deviates from Homer’s Iliad.

For Earth Sciences, try 127 Hours. The premise is that James Franco falls into a ravine and traps his arm under fallen debris, which is definitely revision—Earth Science is rocks, right?

E&M students can’t go wrong with The Big Short. Nominated for an Oscar, this based-on-a-true-life story makes the 2008 banking crisis not only understandable, but enjoyable too. It also includes Margot Robbie explaining banking lingo whilst drinking champagne in a bath, which is probably the best way to revise.

Engineers should try Mad Max: Fury Road, a 2015 action film set in a post-apocalyptic Australian wilderness. The fuel-guzzling machines featured in this movie are truly a sight to behold, and in order to revise please use everything you have learnt during Michaelmas to make me a Mad Max-style car.

If you study English, an absolute winner is The Importance of Being Earnest. Colin Firth stars in this almost word perfect adaptation of Oscar Wilde’s play; hilariously funny, and played with just the right amount of confidence, it is one of the best adaptions you will see. To revise just allow the words to fill your mind rather than laboriously learning quotations.

Any budding lawyers: Hot Fuzz is for you—a cop comedy from the makers of Shaun of the Dead. Stationed in a small countryside village, two police officers have work on their hands as some unexpected violence starts to go down. In order to revise, simply list every crime committed in the film, no matter how small.

For Medicine the perfect choice is Vital Signs. If one film had to sum up the tackiness of 90’s cinema, then Vital Signs is it. It is based on a few friends in medical school, who must put their personal lives aside before they decide what to specialise in. To turn this into revision, discuss which is worse, the poor acting or the simplification of medical procedures.

Any linguists should go for Une Femme est une Femme. Look out for the Cherwell’s film list about the best foreign films to stream this year. Unfortunately, not every language could be included here, so the wonderful French film Une Femme est une Femme about the 1960’s idea of a modern women, takes the centre stage. To revise just submerge yourself in the beauty of French and shout along “Non! Je suis une femme!”

For PPE there is always The Iron Lady. Thatcherites Assemble: Meryl Streep plays the former English Prime Minister in the 2011 biopic. To revise, please explain, in your own words, the conservative government of the 1980’s.

And finally, for theologists, my recommendation is The Life of Brian. Monty Python offer you Brian, a normal guy who keeps being mistaking for the messiah, and while it might not be strictly theological, you never need an excuse to watch Monty Python. Ever. Even if there are exams.

On the look-out: Hilary 2017 in art

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Oxford may seem small, but the city is full enough of well-stocked and intriguing museums to keep any student’s eyes busy this Hilary. January will see the last weeks of the hugely successful exhibition of Islamic art, Power and Protection, at the Ashmolean, leaving its place for a year of events focused on the idea of innovation being brought to thought by artistic production.

January at Modern Art Oxford: Lubaina Himid, Invisible Strategies

After a year dedicated to celebrating the museum’s anniversary through the Kaleidoscope programme, which featured works by Kerry James Marshall, Marcel Broodthaers and Yoko Ono as well as a retrospective of the exhibitions set up in Rose Hill, Oxford’s modern art museum opens 2017 in a playful yet critical mood. From 21 January, Invisible Strategies will show some of the more rarely exposed paintings of the UK’s Black Arts Movement pioneer, artist Lubaina Himid. Himid’s work, covering a wide range of styles and techniques from painting to sculpture, offers a better informed and sometimes cynical view of the landmarks of black history and identities, examining stereotypes and prejudices in her graphically striking creations.

Lubaina Himid, Invisible Strategies will be open from 21 January to 30 April. Free entry.
What else to look out for in January: Desmond Shawe-Taylor’s talk in Merton for the Edgar Wind Society.
February at the Ashmolean: Degas to Picasso

Continuing on its wave of master exhibitions after the remaining four of Rembrandt’s five early Senses paintings were shown together for the first time in its rooms, the Ashmolean shifts to the modern period for three months of French avant-gardist exploration. David, Pissarro, Cezanne and Manet are just a couple of the famous names which will be hanging on the museum’s walls to complete this survey covering over a century of painting in France by artists from all over the world. This ambitious programme intends to reveal step by step the separation of the country’s well-established schools into a myriad of experimental trends and innovative series each developing a new concept of space, colour and texture. Supporting this aim, a chronological path is traced, taking the visitor from the fixed starting point of Delacroix’ Romanticism to abstraction à la Braque, via Duchamp, Dada and Parisian Impressionism.

Degas to Picasso: creating Modernism in France will be open from 10 February to 7 May. Free entry with a Bod card.
What else to look out for in February: the Oxford International Art Fair in the townhall.
March and April in London

No longer tied up in a small room under the dreaming spires by tutorial and essay deadlines, the spring vacation is the perfect time for any student to squeeze in a trip to the capital’s museums on the way home. Make it first into the British Museum for the opening of the American Dream exhibition, presenting the museum’s collection of transatlantic works from the pop 60s to today. Alongside the inevitable portraits by Andy Warhol, prints by Edward Ruscha and Robert Rauschenberg’s Sky Garden will all be on show to form a selection which promises to be eclectic, colourful and, in the British Museum’s fashion, simply quite large. Almost simultaneously in London, the Royal Academy’s America after the Fall will take a closer look at American art within the specific cultural and social context of the 30s. Marked just as much by the contemporary economic situation as the 60s were, this is a decade which saw the likes of Jackson Pollock, Georgia O’Keeffe and Edward Hopper rise to create their most emblematic depictions of a disillusioned society.

The American Dream: pop to the present will be open from 9 March to 18 June. Student ticket: £13. America after the Fall: painting in the 1930s will be open from 25 February to 4 June. Student ticket: £8.
What else to look out for during the vac: David Hockney at Tate Britain, Australia’s Impressionists at the National Gallery, Jo Brocklehurst’s drawings of the punk scene at the House of Illustration.

Life divided: collections

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For:

There’s nothing more refreshing than returning to Oxford and being reminded how mediocre you are. That’s why I like collections.

I go home to relax after my ‘hectic’ term, leisurely read a stanza-or-two of Dante and think, fucking hell, perhaps I am a prophet of genius? Maybe all this hanging around intelligent people, reading clever books, and writing ‘thought-provoking’ essays has finally had an impact? Managing to answer two questions on this week’s episode of University Challenge confirms this self-diagnosis. My parents smile expectantly at each other—she’s definitely going to be in the team next year.

Having admired from afar the dreamy spines of my vacation reading, it’s Hilary. Gliding into my room I throw my brogues onto the floor, flick my hair back, look into the mirror and think, goddamn, when did I start to look as good as my brain feels? I radiate this flawed positivism until I’m quite light-headed.

Then I sit a collection.

My hand, first perplexed by the concept of writing, shakes as my brain adjusts its focus. Man sees pen, not cursor. Failing to recall which period Botticelli actually belonged to, I plump for the ‘High’ Renaissance, knowing full well that I will later force myself to vigorously defend any lack of knowledge to my tutor through relentless optimism.

Then, after frantically trying to locate some evidence, and finding nothing to support anything except chronic vacation laziness, my time is up. It’s a shame—just when I was beginning to convince myself that I could write using coherent sentences.

I conclude by punching a treasury tag through the pages of pure shit I’ve managed to produce in three hours. A task that seems herculean, and pointless.

But I like collections, I really do—they remind me that I’m stupid. “Welcome back to Oxford,” they say. “Actually do some work this term, please.”

Against:

I hate collections. They’re reminiscent of those pointless ‘end of unit exams’ we were forced to take at school.

Those superfluous assessments that only a handful of students actually decided to revise for during the holidays, instead of investing their time in valuable pursuits such as seeing how many Lindt Father Christmases you can consume before horrendously vomiting.

Having spent a holiday wading through Baileys instead of reading lists, I come back to Oxford. I spend the first few days of term seemingly perfectly ‘busy’, yet not really doing anything. My friends and I gather cordially in the JCR.

It is the night before collections; cold air clings to the grassy lawn and darkness pervades through windows. Glum faces, a lack of plum puddings, and promises to meet in the bar tomorrow evening, whatever happens. We may as well be gathering around a wireless waiting for war to break out.

I decide to break the silence: “Oh gosh, collections tomorrow! Who’s actually done anything?” Everyone quickly exchanges glances. Murmurs of “not much”, “I’m screwed” and the like shuffle about the room. We all lean back slightly, smile, and relax a little. What was the worrying for? Why were we all panicking? It’s all going to be okay. Tomorrow we’re all going to sit an inconsequential exam, and, hopefully, ‘Oxford fail’ together—aka get a dodgy 2:i.

I go to bed, all is calm.

But, not before long I realise that I have been fooled. I have been deceived by the plastercast smiles of my very own compatriots. How did I ever begin to forget that they have either perfected the art of covering up how much work they’ve done, since their year nine physics assessment days, or are just those plain annoying bastards who don’t even have to try?

Sighing, I drag myself out of bed, look at my watch, and make myself a coffee—I have 9 hours to fix this, then I’m done.