Wednesday 16th July 2025
Blog Page 754

Oxford strike dates cancelled as crucial ballot draws to a close

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The University and College Union (UCU) have cancelled a week-long strike which was set to impact Oxford, as university staff await the result of a crucial ballot which may bring long-running industrial action to an end.

UCU announced plans for further strike action at 13 different universities last month, including a strike at Oxford to cover 0th week Trinity.

However, while the union has now informed the University that next week’s proposed strike will not take place, Cherwell understands that there will likely be 14 days of strike action later in term if balloted UCU members choose to reject the Universites UK (UUK) deal. Voting ends today, with the results expected this afternoon.

In an online statement, an Oxford University spokesperson said: “The University has been informed by University and College Union (UCU) HQ that notice of industrial action at Oxford from April 16 is now withdrawn.

“Oxford could receive 14-day notice of an alternative date for strike action at any time. The University will act swiftly to communicate this to colleagues and students.”

However, the UCU statement which initially announced the 0th week strikes notes that the amount of strike dates an institution could face during the exam period “would depend on any earlier action taken in April and aimed at teaching.”

It also affirmed that “all universities would be hit with another 14 days of strikes covering either teaching and exams or just the exam period.”

Given that the cancellation of next week’s strike means there will be no April industrial action affecting Oxford, it is highly likely Oxford will be faced with two weeks of strikes over the exam period, if the proposed UUK deal is voted down by UUK members in the e-ballot.

The proposed deal would see the creation of a “Joint Expert Panel”, comprised of actuarial and academic experts nominated in equal numbers from both UCU and UUK.

It is hoped the panel will agree to the key principles which will underpin the future joint approach of UUK and UCU to the valuation of the Universities Superannuation Scheme  (USS) fund.

The valuation of the scheme has been a serious source of contention throughout the dispute, with UCU consistently criticising the methodology used to calculate the USS’s supposed £6.1 billion deficit.

According to UCU Secretary Sally Hunt, the work of the group will also “reflect the clear wish of staff to have a guaranteed pension comparable with current provision whilst meeting the affordability challenges for all parties, within the current regulatory framework.”

However, critics argue that the wording of the agreement, and thus the influence of the joint panel, is too vague. Neither UCU, UUK, or a joint panel of the two can make changes to the scheme. They are reliant on the USS trustees to do that, and they themselves are required by law to decide upon changes to USS pensions by June 30th this year.

The Pensions Regulator has already said that it impossible for them to change the June 30 deadline, meaning there will not be enough time to form a joint expert panel to revalue the scheme.

Moreover, even if The Pensions Regulator tolerates the missing of the deadline, there is no obligation for the USS trustees to listen to a joint panel panel if they don’t agree with its findings.

Statements given by the USS trustees to the Financial Times suggest that the trustees have faith in the initial disputed valuation, and could proceed without reference to the proposed joint expert panel’s findings.

Oxford’s UCU branch have organised two presentation events to inform members about the ballot, hosted at St Edmund’s Hall and Merton College.

Unlike many other union branches, Oxford UCU has chosen not to officially endorse either a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ vote in the ballot. Cherwell has contacted Oxford UCU for their reasoning behind this.

Cambridge’s UCU branch declared that it was asking its members to vote ‘No’ in the ballot earlier this week. In an official statement, they described how they had “sought assurances from UUK about an acceptable fallback, to apply if the panel fails to agree recommendations or its recommendations are not followed by USS.”

However, they concluded that these assurances “will not be forthcoming”, and thus recommended a ‘No’ vote.

Cherwell understands that the majority of UCU branches who have declared their official preference have called to reject the UUK proposal, going against the UCU leadership’s official position.

Boris Johnson cancels press conference at Keble College

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Boris Johnson, the Foreign Secretary, has cancelled a press conference which was due to be held in Keble College this afternoon.

Johnson was due to speak alongside his German counterpart, Heiko Mass, but cancelled before the event to attend a Cabinet meeting on Syria.

A spokesperson for the Foreign Office said: “The Foreign Secretary had to get back to London for the cabinet meeting.”

The two men had met earlier that day at Brize Norton airbase in Oxford and were due to speak together at the annual Königswinter Conference.

After some speculation, Maas attended the conference alone saying that the Brexit vote has “made things more difficult” for Britain.

The German Foreign Office told Cherwell: “The German Foreign Minister, Heiko Maas, stated in his press statement at Keble College, Oxford yesterday that Boris Johnson’s non-attendance was understandable and that they had enough time to discuss their topics at length.”

Earlier, the German Foreign Minister had said that Johnson would “have to make an effort” at the meeting to impress him as much as Irish Deputy Leader Simon Coveney.

Johnson, who graduated from Balliol College in 1987, has caused controversy on previous trips to Oxford. In 2017 he was heckled by protestors when he attended a private party at Balliol, who held up a banner reading “Racist Boris, what dead animals have you fucked?”.

Keble College and the German Foreign Office have been contacted for comment.

St Hugh’s launch inquiry into sexual harassment claims

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An independent inquiry is being launched into allegations of misconduct and sexual harassment at St Hugh’s College.

The college has confirmed that its governing body commissioned the investigation following claims about the behaviour of a now-deceased fellow.

It is understood the fellow is Professor David Robertson, who died in August last year.

The inquiry was set up after author and graduate Melanie McGrath wrote an online article, accusing Robertson of “doing a Weinstein on me” – a reference to Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein – when she was an undergraduate studying PPE in the 1980s.

She wrote: “David, who was my tutor, held tutorials in his flat on college grounds and had an uncanny knack for scheduling a shower, at whatever time of day, just before I arrived. He’d open the door – as if innocently – dressed in his bathrobe and, one time, in a tiny towel.

“For the next hour I would have to undergo the humiliating experience of reading my essay, on which I had laboured hard and with serious intent, while David sat opposite, half-naked and manspreading, often smelling of alcohol and sipping from a mug of what was never tea or coffee.

“In the midst of my valiant efforts to get a grip on the topic of the week, David might proffer a helpful comment, such as why he preferred it when I curled my hair. Once he dropped a useful note in my pigeonhole to say he couldn’t help noticing I hadn’t got a boyfriend.”

McGrath went on to criticise St Hugh’s, noting how Robertson was assigned as her “personal tutor”, and thus the individual to whom she was meant to go to if she had a problem.

She was also critical of the college’s supposed ignorance of the matter, claiming that if they “hadn’t heard the rumours of his misconduct they couldn’t have been listening very hard.”

The inquiry will be chaired by Alison Levitt QC, who carried out a review into the crimes of the late Jimmy Savile.

The terms of reference given to Levitt state: “The College has recently received allegations of historic misconduct and sexual harassment about a now deceased Fellow from two former students.

“The College requests you to carry out an independent investigation about these allegations and whether the circumstances of these or of similar allegations were known to the members of governing body or management staff of the College.

“If so, to report on the adequacy and appropriateness of the College’s responses and any action taken in respect of such allegations or circumstances, with any recommendations for action.”

The college confirmed that an investigation had been launched, but a spokesperson said it would be inappropriate to comment until the investigation was complete.

Isle of Dogs – a minefield of toxic stereotypes

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Throughout Isle of Dogs, Anderson masters the hearts of viewers with characteristic ease, finding his customary delicate balance of hilarity, sombreness, and cunning. The dogs were charming. Yet, despite the wit of these animal protagonists, Anderson seems confused regarding what message he wishes to convey; man’s best friend is overshadowed by the jarring cultural aspect of the movie.

Isle of Dogs is a bit of a minefield. As a student of Japanese, I relished the untranslated dialogue, smugly whispering translations to my partner who was watching with me. Anderson used this technique to highlight the power of certain scenes. His visuals (such as facial expressions) don’t always need to be aided by speech, leaving audiences to feel the full emotional impact of each scene’s stunningly crafted visuals. However, there is a darker side to this multiculturalism. Viewers may well agree with some critics who have taken issue with the use of Japanese in the movie. While the Japanese-language script is at times simplistic due to the visual complexity of the animation, this simplicity can also be construed as dismissive when taking into account this movie is set in Japan; the native language of the country swept aside to serve merely as a backdrop.

Unsurprisingly, as a Japanologist, I felt uncomfortable when faced with Anderson’s portrayal of the country and its culture. In Isle of Dogs, Japan is morphed into a Second World War-style military dictatorship, its leader ready to unleash a holocaust on dogs – he even included a shocking shot of what appeared to be gas chambers. Other chilling allusions to the Holocaust are rife throughout the movie, most pertinent of all the election night decree, which triggers the orders to exterminate all canine-kind. Japan was indeed a dictatorship during the war, but the ruthless image Wes Anderson portrays is rather two-dimensional. In a similar way that typical Second World War films ham up the German dialogue to make even the calmest phrases sound angry and venomous, Anderson makes most of the Japanese dialogue sound violent and aggressive. All this politically charged rhetoric is particularly jarring as this movie does not tell a specifically Japanese story. In fact, Anderson himself admits that Isle of Dogs could be set anywhere. This begs the question, why bother throwing around a bunch of stereotypes about a seemingly arbitrarily chosen country, especially a country which is already deemed alien terrain by much of the Western world?

What’s more, Anderson does not reserve stereotypes solely for the Japanese. There were only three significant female characters in the movie, who all act solely as romantic interests. What grated on me most, was the female American exchange student, but not solely because she was one of the pigeonholed female characters. Instead, my main issue with this character was the fact that a white American director had made a movie where a white person comes to a non-Western country and becomes the only figure with the morals and guts to act for change. The Little Pilot may be rebellious, but even he is driven more by the desire to find his dog than by general concern for all canines of the country. It is disappointing that Wes Anderson believes it’s acceptable to write “white saviour” characters, though perhaps not surprising in light of the white narrative of The Darjeeling Limited (2007).

It’s unfortunate that I was left with a resounding feeling of unease on leaving the cinema. Isle of Dogs has great concepts and stellar delivery working in its favour but ends up a confusing mess of cultural appropriation instead. Dear white directors, can we please stop reducing Asian countries to pretty landscapes?

Charmed Lives British Museum review – “you can almost feel the sea breeze darting across your face”

Located just off a discreet corridor on the ground floor of the British Museum is the entrance to its latest free exhibition, which focuses on the works and lives of three post-war artists: British writer Patrick Leigh Fermor; British Neo-Romantic artist and friend of Lucian Freud, John Craxton; and Greek artist Nikos Hadjikyriakos-Ghika. Even the entrance itself is an indication of the winter sun the exhibition brings to this relentlessly chilly British weather, as the walls of the corridor are painted almost to the ceiling in a saffron hue, clashing with the luminous yellow of the high-vis jackets worn by security.

As you move into the exhibition you are certainly not cheated of the warmth promised by the glowing corridor that greets you. The colours of Greece clearly animated the brushes of these painters, whether it be the bold simplicity of opposite colours in Ghika’s study for a poster, or the use of a wide range of colours all in similar hues in Craxton’s ‘Still Life with Three Sailors’ or Ghika’s ‘Two Ruins, Mistras’. The latter is a particularly impressive landscape, using colour to create an abstract and impressionistic effect, contained within a geometric structure, a visual vocabulary learnt from his study of Byzantine art, as well as his teacher Konstantinos Parthenis who had contact with the Parisian avant-garde. Ghika’s contrasting use of colour and structure appears in other landscapes of Crete and Hydra, showing a blend of Cubist-inspired forms and his interest in what he called “Greekness”.

That landscapes from both artists form the majority of the exhibition is indicative of how place was so integral to these artists practices and works. Indeed, Patrick Leigh Fermor is predominantly known as a travel writer. To emphasise that place is at the heart of the exhibition, the works have been curated according to the different towns or regions in which the artists were shaped, such as Crete, where Craxton lived, Hydra, the location of Ghika’s family home, and Corfu, where Ghika built his own villa.

It was Corfu in particular that became a haven for the three artists and their friends. A place in which they seemed to find a certain magic, Leigh Fermor described it as “a refuge of unique atmosphere and charm.” To help us experience what was so captivating about these locations – whether it be the Corfu’s connections to Ancient Greek mythology, or the ‘Mediterranean Light’ that Hydra was so famed for – the works are lit so that the viewer has a strong sense of being an outsider peeping through a window, shutters bleached by the sun, into this vibrant part of the world. This is achieved by keeping the exhibition in low light while the works are spot lit. Such a contrast between the space occupied by the viewer and the fully lit bright world of the image emphasises that the power of Craxton and Ghika’s works lie in their escapist nature. It reminds us that, while they do have the power to transport our imaginations to the world of quiet fishing villages and rugged landscapes which evoke the adventures of mythical heroes, physically we are in a gallery room in the centre of bustling London, where the sky is patchier and life moves faster.

The exhibition also works across discipline with a strong display of archival documents to emphasise the impact of the Greek islands on each of these creatives. These span from intimate letters between the three, greetings cards sporting Craxton’s designs, and the book covers that he designed for Leigh Fermor. We are also informed that Fermor’s wife, Joan, shared a love for animals with Craxton, influencing his addition of them to his artistic repertoire.

Indeed, some of this archival evidence is in fact more successful than certain paintings, in particular Craxton’s images of cats. His other portrayals of animals too strongly recall his influencers – for example, a painting of a goat from 1956, which is drawn in an almost join-the-dots fashion, is too similar to Picasso’s ‘The Bull’. Craxton’s landscape of Hydra from 1963 and his ‘Reclining figure with asphodels’, with their plant structures that closely follow those in works such as Matisse’s ‘La Gerbe’, are further examples of an artist who has not fully found his direction. Furthermore, his portraits of the local people are at risk of being too sentimental.

It is not just that some of these paintings are too-close-for-comfort to the great artists we so protectively love, but also that they do seem to be limited in their wider significance. There is a very gentle nod to a sense of cosmology, which appears so regularly in Ancient Greek literature, in a few of the paintings, notably Ghika’s ‘Black Sun’ 1947, bursting with houses, trees, a huge hill and its titular sun.

In general, however, the view presented in the exhibition is narrow – something which might be expected from the three artists, all of whom who had the luxury to engage in the life of a bon-viveur. Yet this does not mean their works should be dismissed as simply the product of indulgent individuals, willing to enjoy their surroundings but never actually understand the experiences of those who inhabited them. They clearly all possessed a vivacity and zest that makes for seeing or reading. It’s the success with which the exhibition has captured this that for an hour or so you can almost feel the sea breeze darting across your face, and the gentle prickle of the classic British sunburn.

St Anne’s JCR website hacked by pro-Palestinian liberation group

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The St Anne’s JCR’s website has been hacked by a pro-Palestinian liberation group.

The website’s top banner, which originally read “St Anne’s JCR” and “University of Oxford”, said “HaCked by Raiz0WorM” [sic] for a few hours on Wednesday afternoon.

JCR President Tom Mitty told Cherwell: “We’re seeking advice to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

Raiz0WorM has previously posted pro-Palestinian liberation messages on other hacked sites.

Other than the banner, the rest of the website is unaffected, meaning that students can still access menus for hall, copies of minutes from previous JCR meetings, and the JCR constitution.

Mitty said: “We are in touch with the company who provide our platform, to see if the technical situation is any more complex than mere changing of text.”

The text was changed again later in the afternoon to read: “St-Annes-JCR”.

The hackers’ previous targets have included a Portuguese consultancy firm, a music festival in Grenoble, and Laugharne Township Community Council.

The hacker has told previous victims to contact them for information about their site

A St Anne’s student told Cherwell: “Obviously it’s worrying. The hacking looks fairly amateurish to be honest, but it’s alarming to think what could happen if a more malicious branch of hackers set their sights on getting in.

“I’m mainly just confused as to why our JCR page would be targeted. I wouldn’t have thought hall menus and tortoise updates would have been top of a hacker’s agenda.”

The hack comes soon after a leading cybersecurity firm found around 200,000 stolen addresses with the ox.ac.uk domain name after trawling the dark web.

How to: Survive Trinity

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As someone in their third year, and studying science, I have survived two Trinity’s worth of exams already, and I would like to think I could offer some advice. I know my friends wouldn’t describe me as a pinnacle of emotional stability during these terms, but I hope that someone, somewhere, might find this helpful.

The first thing to mention is making sure you still have fun planned into your term. Try to identify things you’d like to do, and make sure you make time to do them. I know it’s hard enough to do this during non-exam terms, but giving yourself time when you know you can enjoy yourself helps keep up morale and gives you structure when weekends and weekdays can become indistinguishable. It’s also an excuse to make sure that you make time for your friends (who you may begin to neglect as exams begin to loom).

It is also important to try to maintain a healthy diet and lifestyle. I’m not talking about heavily reducing your chocolate consumption – this is challenging at the best of times and Trinity is probably not the time to start – but rather it is important to ensure that your behaviour is sustainable for what can seem like a very long 8 weeks. Essentially, I am talking about trying to eat three roughly balanced meals a day, try to get your 5-a-day, and try to keep to a sustainable sleeping pattern. If fizzy drinks and snack food are what’s getting you through your revision, that’s absolutely fine, just make sure they’re an addition, not a replacement, to your normal diet.

Try to find a way of working which works for you, and make sure that gives you the flexibility you need. Some people seem to enjoy working in their rooms, but I know if I spend a prolonged period of time without human contact, I lose any ability to concentrate.  This is alongside any sense of the outside world, and most importantly the perspective it brings – mostly that I am not the only one stuck at a desk. I find working in libraries as a nice middle ground between being cooped in my room and the distractions of trying to work elsewhere – you’re working in silence, but at least there are other people working in silence near you.

Also, as much as possible, it helps to give your days structure where you can. Leaving your accommodation or your room to eat, study, and get some fresh air can help you feel in control. And, importantly, on days where you can’t work and the structure you’re trying to maintain fails, it is important not to dwell on it. Tomorrow is always another day. Sleeping, in particular, can be hard to get right (I know the frustration of lying in bed unable to sleep all too well), and here it is important to worry as little as possible about it (easier said than done, I know).

I have written this for those with exams, and I recognise that no two experiences of Trinity are alike, for those with or without exams. And I know I am writing this over the vacation, and a couple of weeks into term I will already be struggling to maintain this. The key thing to remember is that you have eight weeks to get through, and that you can only do what you can do. Trinity can be hard, but there’s a long summer after it (and a trashing to look forward to).

Oxford ranked best student city for long-distance lovers

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Oxford is the joint-best city to live in for students hoping to maintain a long-distance relationship, according to new research.

A survey of 2,353 students by Liberty Living revealed that the average student would only be willing to spend £21.93 and travel for two hours and 12 minutes on regular journeys to visit their significant other.

Of those currently in a relationship, two out of five (39%) would be willing to pay £30 or more, with 65% willing to travel more than two hours on a journey to see a partner.

Out of single students, only a quarter would be willing to spend over £30 on regular journeys, and only 48% would be willing to travel over two hours.

#Oxlove16683To all the Oxford Guys and Gals in long distance relationships, you’re great and it will be worth it. Hang…

Posted by Oxlove on Friday, February 16, 2018

 

Oxford and Nottingham were ranked the joint-best cities for long-distance lovers.

Five other university cities can be reached from both that fall within the average student’s journey time and cost – Southampton, Coventry, Portsmouth, London, and Bristol are all reachable from Oxford for under £21.93 return (and under two hours and 12 minutes’ travel time).

A second-year English student, whose girlfriend of two years studies in Nottingham, told Cherwell: “I’m not surprised that Oxford and Nottingham ranked so highly – it’s a pretty easy journey between the two.

“And the two cities complement each other well, with both offering their own quirky and exciting student vibe.”

#Oxfess12633Does anyone have any experience with long distance relationships? My girlfriend studies at Merton and I study at LMH so we see each other just once a term. #LMHIsSoFar

Posted by Oxfess on Saturday, February 17, 2018

 

40% of those surveyed said that they thought seeing their partner once a month was acceptable, while only 83% of respondents said that they expected their significant other to be completely faithful.

60% said that a relationship would have an impact on where they choose to study.

A Liberty Living spokesperson said: “Students today are under a lot of financial pressure, so it’s not surprising that they have to put a price tag on their ability to maintain long distance relationships while they’re studying.

“Spending as high as £505 on average on a years’ worth of visits to see your partner is a real sign of commitment and proof that romance isn’t dead.”

Brexit is causing fondue resurgence, claims Oxford professor

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An Oxford professor has attributed a spike in the sales of fondue sets to the global financial crisis, geopolitical tensions in the Korean peninsula, and Brexit.

The traditional Swiss dish has seen something of a comeback in recent times, with retailer John Lewis seeing a tripling of sales last year, as online hits for cheese fondue recipes soar.

While the reason for this surge in popularity is still up for debate, food psychology expert and fellow at Somerville College, Charles Spence, has claimed that Brexit and North Korea might be responsible for the fondue renaissance.

Writing in the International Journal of Gastronomy and Food Science, Spence said that the sales spike may seem surprising at first “given that fondue doesn’t fit with either current trends toward healthy eating or the rise of more Instagrammable dishes”.

However, he goes on to argue the fondue craze can be better explained as an embodiment of social angst about the future – prompted by events such as Brexit.

He notes: “The nostalgic (reassuring) element of fondue may be particularly appropriate at the present time when the world seems like such an unpredictable and dangerous place, what with the recent global financial crisis, the North Korean situation, Brexit, the Migrant Crisis, etc.

“In this sense, [Claus-Christian] Carbon’s observation that consumers tend to shift toward rounder cars at times when world seems like a dangerous place, and toward more angular forms when all is well with the world may be relevant.

“It would not seem unreasonable, I think, to suggest that nostalgic comfort foods become more appealing/fashionable at those times of local/global uncertainty too.”

Professor Spence, who is also known for helping design many of Heston Blumenthal’s famous dishes, also believes the Swiss origins of fondue are particularly pertinent from a “gastrodiplomacy” perspective.

“One can’t help feeling that at a time when the UK is figuring out if/how to separate from the rest of Europe, that this nostalgic food stands originates from a part of Europe that stands outside the European Union but is still connected with the rest of the EU in much the way that many Brits would hope to achieve.

“Perhaps, then, the resurgence of the fondue can partly be explained by Brits trying, implicitly or otherwise, to convey an impression, or identity, through the food we eat of the future we would like for ourselves.

“In this regard it would be hard to imagine Black Forest Gateaux, Brie, or Bratwurst having anything like the same appeal at the present time here in the UK.”

Spence also speculates that the practice of dipping bread into gooey cheese is key to the dish’s revival, noting that it is well established that a person enjoys food more when they feel they have helped create it – a phenomenon known as the ‘IKEA effect’.

“One can, of course, argue about whether dipping pieces of meat into hot oil or stale bread into a bubbling pot of gloopy cheese really counts as participatory, but it certainly seems like an idea worth countenancing.”

How to: Get a date

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Like spontaneously breaking into song and dance or the transformation of a stereotypical nerdy girl into a beautiful belle, going on dates seems to be a myth confined to the world of cheesy teen movies. In university, where you barely have time to do your pile of laundry and eat before pre’s (definitely eat before you pre), it seems ridiculous to seek a prospective significant other through such an archaic and time-consuming process.

When, in the middle of an essay crisis, you realize that your bitter heart is melting and all you want is a cuddle, this handy guide will give you the low down on selecting and enticing a future lover. Oh, and just a disclaimer: like most student journalists, I am by no means qualified to offer any advice on the topic I’m publishing advice on.

First step: what are you looking for? Considering possible suitors is important, and even if you’re desperate for a date, don’t lower your standards. What do you value in a possible partner? Great looking? Will never judge you? Smells attractive? Someone who you could have fun with when you’re with friends but ultimately have the most fun when it’s you and them and Netflix in bed? Granted, those criteria also apply to the average pizza, so first consider if you actually want another human to hog your duvet and demand your affections. If instead you’re just looking for some melted cheese relief, stop reading here and make a trip to Pizza Stazione to pick up your newest significant other.

If you’re thinking about going for another Oxford student, their college is an important factor to consider. If your prospective beau is from your own college, think again. shitting where you eat is a bad idea – and when you inevitably don’t share a second date, the awkward eye contact in hall will lead you to despair. Equally, you don’t want to tease yourself by going on a date with someone who seems perfect and then later down the line realise that you have to walk miles to get to their place #LMHissofar. Other than that, the choice is down your personal preferences – whatever your shared interests are or who you find attractive.

Second step: desirability. An unreliable source on the internet tells me that people are more attracted to men romantically if they are funny, and women less if they are funny. Ladies, this is absolute bollocks – if someone finds you less attractive because you’re funny then they’re weird and they hate entertainment. As such, the first step of desirability is humour. WikiHow suggests that you ‘practice jokes ahead of time’. If you’re the type who thinks they can tell a good joke, you’re probably not funny. And if you’re the type to read WikiHow for dating advice, you’re both not funny and need to re-evaluate your life decisions. This is Oxford so you presumably have some vague intelligence: use some clever and spontaneous niche humour – read the crowd before making Oxfess references, but puns relating to mutual interests are always a good shout.

Realistically, as a far as physical attraction is concerned, physical chemistry is all about biology, but don’t mistake your pheromonal allure with BO – take a shower.

Final step: relatability. Now you seem wonderful, but don’t ruin it. Don’t be a dick. Treat service industry staff well. Use your table manners. More than anything: don’t let anyone think you might row, particularly if you do. Nothing says sadism more than someone taking pleasure in freezing cold water at ridiculous o’clock– your erg-sculpted body is not worth the prospect of an evening of boredom as you spend your first date talking about your diet plan.

Now you’re ready, and if you are successful, please don’t tag each other in every Oxlove you see – it’s the new PDA: cute in small quantities, but nobody really wants to have it all over their newsfeed. If you’re not successful, sign up to Cherwell blind date: perhaps beggars can’t be choosers after all.

On the lookout for love?

We can help!

Get in touch with our Life Editors on Facebook or email [email protected] to be set up on a blind date this term